I Know You Don't Believe In ESP

Hello, and welcome to the most updated blog on the internet, the Peverett Phile. So, last weekend I went and got my third tattoo. I know, 38 years no getting any, and three in a month. I am defintely going through my mid-life crisis. Tomorrow is the start of Epcot's International Food & Wine Festival, or as I like to call it, Porkies In the Park. Speaking of Epcot, Monday is Epcot's 25th anniversary. When I just started there, Epcot was celebrating it's fifth
anniversary. To celebrate, they are painting the big ball, Spaceship Earth, silver. Phil Spector got a mistrial. The jury was spilt 10-2. Ten were in favor of conviction, two were in favor of bringing back the afro wig. That tyrant Mahmoud Ahmadinejad finally went home. He was hilarious. He topped himself by saying if anyone knows of homosexuals living in Iran, he would like their names and addresses. Here’s what we should do: write down your funniest gay name — Ben Dover, Pat MCGroin, Ryan Seacrest . . . and we’ll send it to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. We have a phone number we can include along with his address: 555 FIND GAY. On “Dancing With the Stars,” Josie Maran got the bedazzled boot. It happened so fast — one bad night of dancing and it’s all over. Like Britney Spears. Even worse news for her partner, who is being shipped back home to his home country in a container ship. Paris Hilton has not forgotten the charity work she promised. She says she is going on a humanitarian mission to Rwanda. She is getting her inoculations right now, and actually, the Rwandans are getting their inoculations too.  Poor Kiefer Sutherland. He was arrested on DUI charges. He used the Lindsay Lohan defense: It was someone else’s alcohol in his blood. "Halo 3" came out Tuesday. It’s an online video game, which means while you’re playing, you get to meet other Halo fans from all over the world and kill them. The White House has announced that during his last year in office, President Bush is going to visit more countries than any other year in his presidency. Bush said he will accomplish this all in one weekend by going to Epcot for its 25th. This entry of the Phile is sponsored by Ultimate Fighting Championship: Like cheese but with hemorrhages.

DISNEY'S AMERICA

Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment has just communicated that the direct-to-DVD title of The Little Mermaid 3, tentatively titled The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning, is now scheduled to release in early August 2008 in North America and August/September 2008 for non-English speaking territories. And Narnia fans will have to wait an extra year to see the third film in the fantasy franchise because of a delay in the start of production. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader was originally set for release May 1, 2009; it is now scheduled for May 7, 2010. Production will begin next summer, instead of January. Distributor Walt Disney Co. and producer Walden Media blamed the delay on "the challenging schedules for our young actors." Michael Apted is shooting the film. The second film in the franchise, The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, is scheduled to open May 16. Caspian originally was set for release in December, but the companies postponed its release by five months after Sony decided to release The Water Horse, in which Walden is also involved, that month.

R.I.P.

Marcel Marceau: Now he'll really be trapped in a box.
Alice Ghostley: And now she as ghostly as one can get.
Harmonica Player Gary Primich: Let's remember to Hohner his memory.

FLORIDA IS BASS ACKWARDS

An Azalea Middle School teacher could be fired after an internal investigation revealed he used his school computer to access pornographic Web sites and communicated inappropriately with female students, a document says. According to a document written by the attorney for Pinellas County schools, Jason Williams sent an instant message to a female student explaining how she could visit him during the school day by forging his name on a hall pass. In another instant message, Williams and the student discussed meeting at a local mall, the document says. Williams said in an interview that he used his school computer to access pornographic Web sites and send instant messages to students, the document says. He also said he often spoke to a particular student online because he felt she needed the support of a 'father figure' after the suicide of a fellow student, according to the document. Williams denied that his online conversations with the students were inappropriate, the document says. Schools Superintendent Clayton Wilcox wanted Williams fired, the school district says, but Williams is requesting an administrative hearing, which he is entitled to. That means the judge presiding at the hearing has to issue a recommendation before the school board can take any action, schools spokeswoman Andrea Zahn said. The school board will be asked at its regularly scheduled meeting Tuesday whether to suspend Williams until the administrative hearing process is completed.

ASK PEVERETT

Q: Dear Peverett, If someone were to run away and never come back, how far away would they be? A: Pretty far away according to my calculations.

TODAY IN HISTORY

1854
The wooden steamship Arctic sinks in foggy weather after colliding with the iron bow of the Vesta. When Captain Luce orders women and children into the lifeboats, the crewmen rebel and take the boats for themselves. Of 435 on board, only 85 survive -- and none of them women or children. It is the first major ocean liner disaster in the Atlantic.
1934
Wilford Brimley's birthday! Soon his name will fall under R.I.P.
1959
Typhoon Vera, otherwise known as the Isewan Typhoon, kills 4,464 people on the Japanese island of Honshu and injures 40,000 more. 1.5 million are made homeless.
1964
The Warren Commission Report is finally released, definitively proving once and for all that President John F. Kennedy was assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald, without anyone's help. Case closed.
1967
Seventeen people are killed in Tijuana, most of them children, when the neurotoxic insecticide methyl parathion is accidentally mixed into bread. Over three hundred others required medical treatment.
1996
The Taliban takes Kabul.

CANNED LAUGHTER

Two men on a hunting trip are bragging about their dogs. “My dog’s really clever,” says one guy. “Watch this: ‘Bring me a beer.’” The dog runs to the cooler and returns with a beer. “That’s nothing,” says the other guy. “Watch this: ‘Make me breakfast.’” His dog runs to the lake to get water, makes a fire, brews some coffee, and hardboils an egg. He then sets everything before his master and does a headstand. “That’s amazing!” says the other man. “But why is he standing on his head?” “Because I don’t have an egg cup.”

A Chinese man comes home late one night from a bar and goes upstairs to his bedroom, where his wife is sleeping. He wakes her up and asks, “Honey, how about a little 69?” His wife replies angrily, “You come home, middle of the night, and you want me to go downstairs and make you Mongolian beef with mushrooms?!?”

MOST NEEDLESSLY DETAILED WIKIPEDIA ENTRIES

List of Ancient Jedi: This is a comprehensive list of Jedi that, oddly enough, have never actually appeared in a Star Wars movie. Instead, the list includes any and every Jedi who was referenced, even in passing, in every Star Wars book, comic or video game. Right now, if you make up a Jedi and draw a picture of him on a napkin, you can bet your ass he’ll end up on this list by tomorrow with a full backstory and list of allergies. Word Count: 24,801. That's more words than Oedipus Rex (15,636).

NUTTED BY REALITY

It's a bit of an odd twist to the Shakespeare quote, but certainly fitting for this episode of "Kid Nation", don't you think? For some reason, I'm not too surprised that 11-year-old Jared has a slight familiarity with the classics. In the first episode, Jared was the king of the one-liners. It's a shame he didn't continue ... Okay, it's the second episode and I'm intrigued. Oh, it's not living up to all of the child labor hype as far as I'm concerned. And, I'm sure some folks will have issues with what was shown last night in the chicken slaughter segment. But it happens. The children once again were directed by the mysterious (cough) journal from 1885. I won't even touch on how silly that part of the show is, but it put the idea in their heads that they needed meat and have 18 chickens in Bonanza City. I can't help but wonder what the children would have done if they were actually left to their own devices without adult intervention. We'll never know. They put the issue to a town vote. Valid arguments were made on both sides of the issue. In the end, it seemed like most of the kids really wanted the meat because their canned food is tasteless and boring. They want the protein, too. However, most don't want to kill the chickens. They just want to eat them. I think I'm going to have to eat a bucket of KFC in honor of the kids on the show. I'll be watching again next week, will you?

HEROES

Usually, when a series returns from a long season break, it takes me a little while to get back into the spirit of the show. That didn't seem to be the case with tonight's season premiere of "Heroes". After the brief narration by Mohinder, which took place over a montage of the characters past actions and current whereabouts, I was completely acclimated back into the world of "Heroes". It was like it never left, and I consider that a testament to the quality of the show and its well fleshed out story and characters. Before we get into things, I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that tonight's TV reviewcap is in no way, shape, or form brought to you by Nissan or its hideous little Rogue. Thank you. An absolute ton of stuff happened this episode and in rapid fire succession, so you'll have to pardon the rapid fire style of the recap. As the season progresses, and we actually start having some real commercial breaks and longer sequences, the format will adjust accordingly. The show began with Mohinder giving a lecture to a nearly empty auditorium speaking on the evolved humans he's encountered, and the plague that is threatening their existence. He points out that the fate of humanity hinges on these special individuals as the powers they possess, such as regeneration, could be very beneficial to mankind. Mohinder is ostensibly seeking out funding to help cure the disease. We're introduced to a bespectacled man that tells Mohinder his father's book was found at the library in the parapsychology section between hypnosis and alien abduction. He's basically telling Mohinder that no one believes in his "special people". Mohinder is no fool and realizes that the guy in glasses has been present at his last three seminars. The guy ultimately offers Mohinder a job that will allow him to find a cure for the plague. Mohinder appeared to be noncommittal but agreed to let the bespectacled fellow buy him a drink. We were immediately introduced to two new characters by the name of Maya & Alejandro, and they found themselves running from the popos. These two characters, one or both of which will exhibit some powers in the near future, are trying to make their way to America. They are both wanted for murder as indicated by a wanted poster. Claire, Noah, and family have apparently joined the "Hero Protection Program" and have now taken up residence in sunny California. Claire is about to attend her first day of school and father Bennett is encouraging her to keep an extremely low profile. Of course, he immediately gives her a new vehicle. Anyone want to guess the make and model of this vehicle? As Claire makes her way into the building, she's nearly run over by her potential lover who we later learn is named West. I immediately yelled to my TV, "Get away while you can West! All her friends eventually die!" It didn't do any good. We cut to Hiro in a field in the midst of an all out Shogun battle set in 1671 Japan. Hiro looks up and watches the moon pass before the sun as a swarm of arrows head towards his face. The day is turned to night (by the eclipse – not by the arrows 300 fans), and he freezes time just before three arrows are about to pierce his skull. He looked up to Takezo Kensei (the guy whose sword he kept looking for last season), realizes a few arrows are about to pierce his skin too, and teleports both of them to safety. The episode is whizzing along at this point making it pretty difficult for me to keep up. We now come to Parkman, the least menacing looking NYPD officer ever to have the job. It looks like he's in the middle of some crazy drug bust because he barges into an apartment and is capping people like its crack dealer season and he's the only one with a hunting permit. As it turns out, this was just an NYPD drill. It was fun watching Parkman utilizes his gift for reading people's minds when he had to choose between shooting a perp and the perp's hostage. At this point we discover that Parkman has made detective, effectively making him the least menacing looking detective ever to have the job. Sorry Parkman, but I'll always see you as the clumsy oaf on Felicity that tried to create a new condiment. It's nothing personal. Claire is doing the exact opposite of what her dad requested, and is baking her hand over an active Bunsen burner flame. In a not so unexpected twist, West ends up being her lab partner. What a convenient coincidence! West asks Claire if she's a robot or an alien. Robots do what they're told. Aliens do their own thing. Claire fails to answer the question. We find ourselves with the wonder twins once again, only they're not trying to activate any powers. Instead, they're trying to negotiate a covert trip into The United States. The shady human smuggler they're dealing with tells them that it will cost 10,000 Lempiras to get them 600 miles from the US border. A quick Google search showed that Lempiras are the currency in Honduras. Of course, these people smugglers were not to be trusted and later in the episode, tried to raise the price up to 20,000 Lempiras. Alejandro ended up getting the poop kicked out of him, and the smugglers took off with his sister Maya. When Alejandro eventually caught up with he vehicle, he found everyone in the truck dead with blood streaming from their eyes, nose, ears, and mouth. Maya is the only one left alive and obviously used some power to kill everyone. I can't quite tell what her power is, but I'm guessing she has the ability to give everyone in a 20 feet radius the Ebola Virus. We didn't get to learn a great deal about Molly last season aside from the fact that her parents were killed, and that she's got a built in Hero locator for a brain. I thought she was a good new character, particularly one that could relate to Micah, and I'm glad she's going to have a bigger role this season. Apparently, Parkman is divorced and had adopted and/or is looking after Molly. Molly's teacher informs Parkman that Molly is drawing disturbing pictures in class that usually have a big pair of ominous eyes on them and what looks to be a kid (presumably Molly) confined in a box. Creepy. A bit later in the episode we get to see Molly in the middle of a recurring nightmare where we distinctly hear a voice say, "I can see you.' Was this the voice of Sylar? Was this the voice of the Bogeyman? Only time will tell. Umm, I'm going to go ahead and guess that Nathan Petrelli never took office. We got to see him around halfway into the episode and he looked a little bit like a drunk Grizzly Adams. Nathan is obviously taking the apparent death of his brother extremely hard, and Angela Petrelli, who was also in his apartment, tells him that he needs to accept the fact that Peter is dead and move on. After Nathan rudely kicks his mom out ofthe apartment, she finds a picture of herself in the hallway with a red squiggly mark across her face. This is the same mark that Kaito Nakamura (Hiro's dad) ended up finding on a photo of him that fell out of a newspaper Ando gave him, as the two of them were discussing Hiro's whereabouts. Of note, Kaito mentioned that he always thought Hiro was a bit of a loser until he started his question. I'm paraphrasing. This mark signifies that they will be dead within 24 hours. Later still, we found ourselves back with Mohinder who was eating lunch with the dorky glasses guy. He's attempting to sell Mohinder on his company that tries to get the special people to use their powers for the good of mankind – which sometimes means they get killed. It was right around this point that I realized this is the same organization that HRG (Noah Bennett) used to work for. Also, the dorky glasses guy can turn metal into gold and displayed this talent to Mohinder. After an extremely awkward dinner in the Bennett household, Noah fields a call from Monhinder that lets us know that Mohinder and Noah have been baiting the corporation with using Mohinder's speaking engagements and it's all being done in an effort to bring the evil corporation to its knees. Somehow, I think the corporation knows that they're being baited and are willingly going along with, though I'm not quite sure of their purpose yet. A few more points of interest before my hands fall off from typing all of this. My favorite sequence of the night involved Claire attempting to stick up for one of the clumsier kids named Martha during gym class. The snooty head cheerleader (what's the deal with Claire and head cheerleaders not getting along?) was poking fun at Martha, and ended up challenging Claire to do a back tuck off a tower. Claire climbed up the tower but at the last second heeded her dads "don't make a spectacle of yourself" advice. A bit later Claire ended up practicing a back tuck off the tower and cracks her ankle. She quickly healed moments before West barged into the gym to check up on her. Oh yeah. West is also a stalker and has special powers as witnessed when he was hovering creepily next to Claire's window that night. Creepier. My second favorite set of events was when Hiro realized that his hero, Kensei, was not the legendary Japanese character from the stories his dad used to read him – but was really a cowardly British guy who would do practically anything for money. How funny was it watching Kenseipunch Hiro in the face? Finally, we're at the part of the show I liked the least. Kaito was on top of the building where everything seems to happen (you know which building I'm talking about) and Ando was about to deliver the sword he promised to get him earlier in the episode. A hooded figure came out of the darkness and Kaito says something to the effect of, "Out of everyone, I never expected it would be you." The figure rushed Kaito and much to my and Ando's dismay, pushed him off the edge of the building. Ando looked over the buildings edge and saw Kaito's bloody carcass splattered on the ground. Barring some miracle, that's all we're going to see of Hiro's dad - at least until Origins anyway. Who was the hooded figure? Judging from Kaito and Angela's conversation, it's someone from the inner circle of old school heroes. Guess we'll find out for sure in the coming weeks. At the end of the show we got to meet Blackie, an Irish guy with the least believable Irish accent imaginable. "The Black Donnelly" actors are out of work. Were none of them were available? Anyhow, Blackie and his crew opened up a shipping container on a pier and found Peter Petrelli chained up in a corner. The strange part? Peter can shoot lightning out of his hand and has a case of amnesia that would put Guy Pierce's character in Memento to shame. It was an excellent, content filled episode that got me right back into the swing of things, and hurt my head in the process. I cannot wait to see what happens next Tuesday. No signs of Nikki, Jessica, D.L., and Micah this episode, but we're sure to see them in the coming weeks. It's starting to get a little crowded in the Heroes universe. I hope the producers don't find the need to do some indiscriminate character purging... Did I forget anything? Have anything to add? Sound off in the comments.

MOVIE BUZZ

Justice League of America
Jessica Biel is negotiating to play Wonder Woman. I'd rather her play The Flash, if you know what I mean.
The Simpsons 2
OK, it's not exactly a sequel, but the show's season premiere opening followed up on events from the summer movie. It mostly featured Bart Simpson skateboarding through a devastated Springfield. Thank God they gave the poor kid his clothes back.
Transformers 2
Paramount has set a release date for the sequel, and it's quite a ways off: June 26, 2009. At least now they have enough time to come up with an ending that actually makes sense.
Hotel Chevalier
Natalie Portman is nude in a new short film by Wes Anderson, and you can get it for free starting today at iTunes. Like thousands of other guys, I plan on downloading it. Wonder how many other guys are going to call in sick to work tomorrow due to headaches and eyestrain.
The Dark Knight
Michael Caine dropped a semi-spoiler in an interview discussing an intense scene in which Heath Ledger as the Joker "had to come up in a lift and raid our place," which presumably means Wayne Manor. Darn it, now they're going to have to can Caine just like that extra who leaked Indy 4 secrets.
Paul
Simon Pegg and Nick Frost of Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead are teaming for another comedy about two British geeks on a road trip across America. The driving-on-the-wrong-side-of-the-road gags are already writing themselves …

Ta-da! There you go, phans, another entry of the Phile. I'm not planning on getting a tattoo this weekend, but you never know. I hope to be posting pics of my tats on the Phile's Myspace page soon. In the meantime, I still hope to hit 3000 views by Christmas, so...spread the word, not the turd. And thanks for reading.