Thursday, September 20, 2007

Pev Nation

Hello, and welcome to the Peverett Phile, the web's most updated blog, coming at you from rain drenched Groveland, Florida. Yesterday O.J. Simpson was charged. Seven felonies. Seven felonies! He said if he knew how much trouble he was going to get into, he would have just murdered the guy. A lot of O.J. to cover. In case you didn’t hear, O.J. is back on the loose. He was released on $125,000 bail. He could get life in prison for all this. Kill two people, you get nothing. But steal your own football jersey — you go away for life. The Phil Spector trial is also a mess. The jury is split 7-5. Seven like the blonde wig, five like his afro. Not such a great week for that student who was Tasered at the John Kerry speech in Florida. If you’ve ever heard John Kerry speak, being Tasered is a bit less painful. “I can still hear him! Taser me again, bro!” Britney Spears has some troubles of her own. She’s been dropped by her manager and dropped by her lawyer. She’s been dropped now almost as much as her children. All she has left now are her dogs and a swimming pool filled with YooHoo. And, man, would I love to see her in that! Here’s a real story today. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control says that people in the restroom wash their hands less than they used to. And I’m thinking, “How did they get this information?” What did they do? Discreetly watch as people wash their hands? “Please carry on. I’m with Disease Control.” Discreetly watched in the bathroom? You gotta be careful — there have been senators arrested for less than that. Former Mexican President Vincente Fox has a new book coming out. In it, he says President Bush is the cockiest guy he’s ever met. Apparently, the first time they met, Bush kept insisting on meeting the Taco Bell Chihuahua. Fox also said Bush speaks grade school Spanish. Well, he speaks grade school English as well, so . . . The Emmy Awards were Sunday night. The buzz was all about who was gorgeous and the designer gowns . . . but enough about Ryan Seacrest. Al Gore won an Emmy! That means his wife gets to go home with two heavy statues. Monday was National Citizenship Day. It’s is especially exciting for me because I’m still not a citizen. So I don’t get to go to the big Citizenship parties in Orlando. Couldn’t they just give me someone else’s citizenship? What about O.J. Simpson’s citizenship? You know what? I don’t want his . . . he’s already used his “Get Out of Jail Free” card. The organizers of the 2012 London Olympics announced this week that they’re installing extra wide seats in their stadiums to accommodate really big British asses. It’s true! Apparently they’ve got really big asses in Britain: Simon Cowell. Lamborghini announced they’ve sold out of their new car, the Revington. This is a car that costs $1.4 million. Wouldn’t it be cheaper to just tell everyone you’ve got a really small wiener? The world air guitar championships were held in Finland. The winner celebrated by going back to his hotel and having sex with imaginary groupies. I’d like to say that I’ve never done that myself. I’d like to say that . . . By the way this entry of the Phile is brought to you by Fisher-Price: We keep 'em busy so you can sneak in a quickie! 


Country music is an art form built on heartbreak, faith, inebriation, and often the love of one's dog or pick-up truck. But even though they often write sad songs, country music songwriters have a great sense of humor. What follow are some of my favorite country music song titles, ya'll.

All I Want From You Is Away
You Can't Have Your Kate and Edith Too
I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Almost Like Having You Here
Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat
If You Can't Be Good, Be Bad With Me
Bubba Shot the Jukebox
Are You Drinkin' With Me, Jesus?
Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears
How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
I'm Under the Table Over You
Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goal Posts of Life
Am I Double Parked by the Curbstone of Your Heart?
I'm Gonna Put a Bar in the Back of My Car and Drive Myself to Drink
Welcome to Dumpsville, Population Me
If Love Were Oil, I'd Be a Quart Low
Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed
If You Can't Be Good, Son, Be Good At It
My Phone Ain't Been Ringing, So I Guess it Wasn't You
I've Been Roped and Throwed By Jesus in the Holy Ghost Corral
I Bought the Shoes That Just Walked Out on Me
She's Acting Single, I'm Drinking Doubles
Is It Cold In Here, or Is It Just You?
We Used to Kiss on the Lips, But It's All Over Now
My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don't Love Jesus
Thank God and Greyhound She's Gone
I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?


In 1981, after gaining a respectable following with the debut album 'Boy,' Irish band U2 was set to enter the studio to work on its follow up. But the band hit a snag when a briefcase containing all of the lyrics that Bono had penned for what became the 'October' album were stolen at a concert in Portland, Ore. Bono was forced to rewrite all of the words from memory, but the briefcase was returned 23 years later by a woman who found it in the attic of a rental home in Tacoma, Wash.


Go ahead. Ask me. You need advice? You need a hot stock tip? You just want to get in my head? Just ask. I'll give you an answer. I'm like one of those weird 8-ball floaty things.
Q: Dear Peverett, why is murdering idiots not legal?
A: Because we need a President, a Senate, and a House Of Representatives. It's inthe Constitution.


A jury in Miami, Florida finds vocalist Jim Morrison guilty of profanity and indecent exposure for whipping out his cock at a Doors concert in Coconut Grove the previous year.
A Beechcraft D-18 charter plane crashes into a tree near Natchitoches, Louisiana, killing singer/songwriter Jim Croce, his lead guitarist, and the entire flight crew.
With the aid of 700 French paratroopers, David Dacko mounts a successful coup against the regime of Jean-Bedel Bokassa in the Central African Republic. For years, Bokassa was dogged by rumors of cannibalism, and his stewardship was known for its incredible barbarity.
An Islamic Jihad suicide bomber drives a truck loaded with half a ton of high explosive up to the US Embassy in Beirut, Lebanon. The blast kills 20 and injures dozens more. The embassy had only reopened just six weeks before after the last bombing, which killed 61.
Officials in Latvia test the structural integrity of a 40-year-old bridge by driving 14 heavy vehicles containing gravel on top of it. A 250-foot span of the bridge collapses, killing ten people.
A jury finds Richard Ramirez ("The Night Stalker") guilty of 43 counts, including 13 murders and assorted incidents of burglary, rape, and sodomy. Ramirez terrorized Southern California during a string of murders, sexual attacks and burglaries. He would scrawl a pentacle in his victim's blood on the wall of each crime scene.
Nine months prior to the infamous Bobbitt incident, a Los Angeleno named Aurelia Macias castrates her husband with a pair of scissors. Macias is found innocent by reason of insanity, and the case never generates much publicity. [It turns out that such deeds are not uncommon in certain third world countries, notably Thailand and the Philippines.]


Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: Doesn’t matter—he won’t come.


After all of the controversy, CBS aired its premiere episode of "Kid Nation" last night. Much ado about nothing, I say! Not that the show is nothing. I found it interesting and refreshing from so many of the other shows on the air these days. Well, at least the shows in the reality genre. After all the brouhahas about child labor, child abuse, crying children ... well, to me, this didn't quite live up to all the controversy surrounding it. Instead I found it to be the kind of show both children and adults can watch together. Although it's touted as "40 children, 40 days, no adults" -- the kids themselves say there were more adults than children on site. Perhaps that doesn't speak much for the "reality" aspect, but the safety issues seem well-covered. Jonathan Karsh, the adult host of the show, is probably the only adult we'll see during the series. However, they seem to have a full staff of medics, psychologists, production folks, and more working in the background. So, it's not like the kids were tossed in the desert to die or anything. Jonathan came across a bit Jeff Probst-ish to me. Right now I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. After most of the kids arrived in the middle of Nowhere, New Mexico, in a school bus, Jonathan introduced four children as council leaders. Those leaders got to arrive there in a nifty helicopter. Now, I'd want to go by helicopter and be special, too! The chosen leaders didn't represent either end of the age scale of the kids on the show. That range is from 8 to 15 years old. Instead, they were a bit of a happy medium -- two boys and two girls ages 10 to 12. Age ain't nuthin' but a number anyway, right? I don't think a few of the older kids were too thrilled about the choices. Jonathan took the council leaders aside and told them about a special book in the town which would help them lead more effectively. He also told them that at the end of each tribal council ... er, town meeting ... they would be responsible for choosing which child receives a gold star worth $20,000. The award should go to the child who worked the hardest. The hard work began as the children had to haul their wagons and supplies a few miles to Bonanza City, the town where they're to build a new and better society. Right off the bat one of the older kids, Greg (15) accused Mike (11), one of the council members, of not working and just supervising. Another child fell with a muscle cramp, and all struggled their way along. The muscle cramp kid was helped by the others and rode the rest of the way to town. All in all, great work, but they had little choice -- they had to get to their town. Once in town, things predictably turned into chaos. The leadership didn't really take control, none of the children realized that roughing it meant uncomfortable lodgings or that pasta needs to be added to boiling water, not cold water. One girl, Sophia, threw out the pasta which the others had loaded in a pot of room temperature water. She started taking over kitchen tasks and the kids got fed. Not happily fed, but fed nonetheless. I thought that one of the council leaders, Laurel (12), seemed beyond her years in her leadership and compassion for others. In the image above, she's consoling young Jimmy as homesickness hits him hard. After all, he's one of the youngest children there, so it's not all that surprising. I think I cried like that my first time at summer camp. Jimmy was far from the only homesick camper on this trip. One of the council leaders, Taylor (10) had a rough few days and was also considering going home. You see, the kids don't get voted off of this show. But, if they want to leave, all they need do is say so at the town meetings which are held every three days. Another council leader had his own issues outside of being homesick. "I'm trying to be a leader here," cried Mike (11). Heck, Mike, most bosses have had the same problem -- no respect, problems handling being the authority. Work on it, kid! The second day was an improvement over the chaos. The council kids found the book which actually contained "ideas" on how to run the town. No adult involvement, eh? The book directed them to create four districts -- blue, yellow, red, and green. Each council leader chose their own district members trying to match up friends and keep enemies apart. (Yes, already there had been a few clashes.) As a result, the teams were lopsided age-wise. Most of the older kids were on the blue team, the youngest on the yellow. I'm not sure what a good idea it was to keep two of the older boys together -- Blaine and Greg. While Greg showed compassion at times, put them together and they get a bit wild. Sure enough, they ran around town creating "blue" graffiti in honor of their team. The younger kids made sarcastic remarks about their maturity. Then, in this world with no adult involvement, Jonathan introduced a job board. The town would have stores, but the kids need to earn their money. Like the teams, the labor division was in four groups. Laborers earn ten cents a day, cooks earn a quarter, merchants earn fifty cents, and the upper class (who doesn't have to work) get paid a dollar a day. How would the jobs be decided? A fistfight? Nope! It was a challenge or, in keeping with the pioneer theme of the show, it was a showdown. Back to back they faced each other. Er, no. Each team had to haul a wooden pump apparatus around to pipes. When they found one with their color, they had to fill up bottles. First team done with the bottles and hauling their pump across the finish line becomes upper class and so on down the line. Jonathan promised a special prize for the whole town if they finished the showdown in under an hour. Mike got to prove his mettle as a leader of the red team as he almost singlehandedly brought them to the finish line in first place. The older group, the blue team, came in second. The youngest group, yellow, arrived third and the final place -- the laborers -- went to the green team led by Laurel. Since the teams finished within the hour, they had their choice of prizes. They could have seven outhouses or a television. Now, there are forty kids and only one nasty outhouse, so you know that common sense would dictate the outhouses. But some kids were all excited about the television. But others thought if they had television, kids would goof off and not do their work. It's a kerfuffle! Maybe not. It only took the council members a few minutes to go for the outhouses and the other kids seemed happy with the choice. When it came time for the town council, Sophia, who didn't know it but was the favorite for receiving the gold star, almost blew her chances as she accused the council members of not doing their jobs. After all, Sophia is the kitchen queen and she didn't think Taylor's team cleaned up well. Gosh darn it, that's a big part of the job! But before the town meeting announced the gold star, Jonathan asked if anyone wanted to go home. Taylor decided she would stay and things had improved. But it was all too much for young Jimmy. Although all of the other kids were supportive, he asked to go home. He didn't cry although he looked like he wanted to ... he went home without anyone disrespecting his opinion. I thought it was handled very well. When the gold star trophy was announced, Sophia looked like she could have crawled under her chair. But the town council stayed with their decision that she was the hardest worker. She apologized to them for being bossy and said she would be more understanding. She was in disbelief when Jonathan told her it was worth $20,000. I couldn't help but be thrilled for her as I watched her excitement. The gold star given away each week might provide incentive for Greg to clean up his act. I know he can be good with the others, but he has to fight the feeling that he can bully others or doesn't need to listen to the council members just because they're younger. There's no way I'll be able to memorize all of these kids, no way. But the council members and a few others were spotlighted through the show. I'm very impressed by 14-year-old Michael. He was their second choice for the star this week. Laurel and Taylor seem to adapt well, each in their own ways. The kid Jared is a walking one-liner comedy show. I enjoyed this show and will be watching and writing about it next week. How about you?


Though we've known for some time now that Happy Feet director George Miller was circling the live-action Justice League of America movie, Variety is just now reporting that Miller will indeed helm the film. With the threat of a strike looming in the distance like a nasty storm cloud or a drunk ex-girlfriend who has no business being in the same place you are, Warner Bros. is feverishly forging ahead in order to have a big superhero movie for 2009. This summer, Christopher Nolan will debut The Dark Knight, his follow-up to Batman Begins, and since Bryan Singer is busy filming Nazis with Tom Cruise, his follow-up to Superman Returns won't be ready until at least 2010 (if it ever does get off the ground). So, with all that in mind, it's do or die time for Justice League. But will the rushed script, casting and production schedule ultimately hurt the finished product. Um, I'll let you answer that one. So now that Miller is onboard, our attention immediately turns toward casting. Variety says that Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, the Flash and Aquaman will most likely be the primarily characters in the film. For those wondering, both Christian Bale and Brandon Routh will most likely not be involved (and Nolan has already requested that the studio hold off on JLA until his Batman films are done, but apparently that ain't gonna happen). Casting rumors pop up every single day; I believe the latest one has Ryan Gosling playing Batman and Tom Welling playing Superman. However, nothing is official. I've already made it clear how I feel about this film -- that, as cool as it sounds to have a live-action flick featuring all my favorite superheroes, now is just not the time. Especially seeing as it's going to be rushed into production, why not just go the CGI route, or the motion-capture route? Why force this? Nurture this project, protect it; it could be the geeked-up movie event of the decade. I dig Miller, but I'm super scared. What about you?


Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
An extra, cast as a Russian soldier, gave out plot secrets to his hometown newspaper — revealing that Cate Blanchett plays a villain and that he was hired specifically for his … dancing skills. Too bad he doesn't get a make-out scene with Cate, because apparently he's got some really loose lips.
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
Speaking of dancing soldiers, a video shows a Chinese stunt team in army uniforms performing a little fancy footwork to impress director Rob Cohen. If this disturbing trend continues in action movies, someone's going to eventually remake Die Hard as a musical.
After playing a virgin trying to get lucky in Superbad, Michael Cera knocks up Ellen Page in the trailer for this comedy about teen pregnancy. Yeah, he was probably better off keeping it in his pants.
Million Dollar Strong
How to become a movie star in two easy steps: Produce your own profanity-laced rap-parody video about having sex on YouTube, then just wait for MTV Films to offer you a couple million bucks to make the feature version. Hey, it worked for these guys
Step Brothers
Want to star alongside Will Ferrell? The funnyman is auctioning off a cameo to raise money for a cancer charity. Unless, of course, the scene is the inevitable Ferrell nude scene — the charity would have to pay someone to appear in that. A lot.
Friday the 13th
Screenwriting duo Damian Shannon and Mark Swift have been hired to pen the remake featuring hockey-masked serial killer Jason Voorhees. I think they should totally rework the franchise and make Jason join an actual hockey team. If he were playing, I'd totally start going to NHL games.
The Love Guru
Jessica Alba confided that she gets to beat up pint-size actor Vern Troyer in Mike Myers' next comedy. To prepare for the role, she'll start hanging around schoolyards and taking down tykes.
Scott Speedman and Wes Bentley star as a pair of stoners who run afoul of Satanists in the trailer. This is actually a new film based on an old script that never got produced: Cheech and Chong Go to Hell.
The Punisher: War Zone
Over on his message board, Paddy Considine says he's happy producers rescinded their offer for him to star as the villain Jigsaw since the first film "looks shitty" and director Lexi Alexander's previous film was "a gigantic mess." For those curious, Paddy's URL is
Funny Games
In the trailer, Naomi Watts and Tim Roth get brutally assaulted by two rich snots who listen to classical music. Yeah, these guys are psychotic killers, but at least they have good taste.
Run, Fatboy, Run
Simon Pegg's a guy who runs a marathon to win his girlfriend back. The trailer looks funny, but you know it's a low-budget movie when they don't pop for some extra cheeseburgers so the star can actually get fat. Hope they at least bought him some good sneakers.

There you have it, phans, another entry of the Phile. The next update will be next Thursday. Now, the Phile has had over 2500 views all ready. I still want to hit 3000 by Christmas. spread the word, not the turd.

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