Face Pirate

Ahoy, maties, and welcome to a FRIDAY edition of the Peverett Phile. The reason the Phile is been posted on a Friday this week is because last night we went to Disney's Pirate and Princess Party at the Magic Kingdom. Logan dressed as Captain Jack and I dressed as Snow White. No, seriously, Logan and I shared the Captain Jack hat. My wife is already a princess so she didn't have to dress up. I will be posting pictures on the Phile's webshots page as well as a review on the Phile's myspace page. Anyway, it was so cold last night, I saw Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella snuggling against each other to get warm. It was so cold Peter Pan wore an extra pair of tights. It was so cold Tinkerbell flew extra fast from from the Castle. Man, with seeing Elizabeth Swann, and all the princessess, I might have my own Pirate and Princess Party in Peverett's Pants. Okay, on that note, let's see what's hapepning in the news. Oh, by the way, did everybody have a good valentine's day? Yet another person running for president. Earlier today, former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney announced he’s running for president. If he wins, he’ll be the first Mormon president. Apparently Romney plans on winning the soccer mom vote by marrying all of them. At an international conference. An official from Cuba said that his country restricts use of the Internet because it’s a "wild new technology.” Other wild new technologies in Cuba? The eight-track, the typewriter, and Tupperware. This month a Star Wars memorabilia company started selling $120 replicas of Yoda’s light saber. After hearing about it, Star Wars fans said, "That’s ridiculous; for $120 we could lose our virginity.” Everyone angry at Britney Spears these days. A prominent rabbi in California wrote a letter to Britney Spears where he tells her to start wearing underwear. The rabbi said, "At the very least, but a yamucah on that thing.” The NBA All-Star Game will be broadcast in something called HD, 3-D. It is 3-D, high-definition television. They’re saying that a couple of minutes into the second half, Ron Artest will actually come out of the set and punch you in the face. Al Gore is at it again. He was at The Grammys; he’ll be at the Oscars; and now he’s launching a series of concerts to benefit the fight against global warming. Its slogan? "Gorefest 2007. It’s hard-Gore.” I’m going to that! AndI think I’m going to Obama-Palooza.”

BROKEN

This picture, taken in India, shows a tree branch lying on the road.  Whoever painted the border on the road did not bother to move the branch and instead painted the border around the wood, which resulted in a crooked line.

UNFORTUNATE STAR WARS COSTUMES

Oh, Royal Guard. That's the last time we let you guard a box of doughnuts!

REJECTED MOVIE TAG LINE

Apocalypto: Before Jews: Mayans. Now: No Mayans. We're Just Saying.

SHARPENING AXES

Just more than $200 million is spent on barbed wire each year in the U.S. The world record for kissing is 11,030 people in one hour. Although it's just 2% of our body weight, our brains use 20% of all the oxygen we breathe, 20% of the calories consume, and 15% of the body's blood supply. Light takes six hours to travel from Pluto to Earth. Merv Griffin wrote the theme to "Jeopardy." It's estimated that the royalties have earned him more than $80 million. The U.S. average credit score is 678. The US Department of Transportation reports the average life span of a vehicle is 12 years, or about 128,500 miles. The Rat Pack was made up of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr. and Joey Bishop, with Peter Lawford in a supporting role. In the beginning, they billed themselves as "The Summit." They didn't call themselves "The Rat Pack" because Sinatra hated that term. Kitsch is the main export of Hell, Michigan. Experts say 77% of Americans go to the grocery store with a list. It's estimated that half of everything bought there is bought on impulse.

WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY

Survivor Fiji’s debut last Thursday was watched by 16.7 million viewers, representing the series’ lowest-rated premiere ever. Last fall, 17.7 million people watched the Survivor Cook Islands debut, while last spring’s "Survivor Panama" debut was watched by 19.3 million. However, the show is in a heavily competitive timeslot, facing off against ABC’s "Ugly Betty" and NBC’s "My Name is Earl" and "The Office", and "Survivor" beat those other shows “in most key categories,” Variety reports. In addition, as Media Life reports, “all four programs averaged a 4.2 rating or above, which is quite rare these days on broadcast,” while CBS’ reality series “remains a top show for CBS in the demo, and no other reality show has demonstrated such impressive staying power for so long.” When "Survivor Fiji" debuted on February 8th, it was the show’s 14th season, but it won’t be the last. CBS has just renewed the first major network hit reality show for two more seasons, both of which will apparently air next year. The network said in a statement that it’s doing so because the show “remains one of television’s highest rated reality series,” and last season “won its Thursday (8:00-9:00 PM, ET/PT) time period in viewers and key demographics every week against its toughest competition in several years.” The press release also says simply that “Jeff Probst is host.” While he’s sure to return for the 15th and 16th seasons, because it wouldn’t be Survivor without him, his contract expires at the end of the 14th season.

TODAY IN HISTORY

Man, I totally forgot to put in this feature last entry, didn't I? Oh, well. 1923: Lord Carnarvon opens King Tut's tomb, revealing one of the most well-preserved treasures from the ancient world. While it has been frequently reported that a curse killed 13 of the 20 people present at the opening of the tomb, there was no curse and no unusual death patterns occurred. 1959: Failed baseball player Fidel Castro is sworn in as President For Life of Cuba. During his first year of rule 500 are put to the firing squad, an RBI record any dictator would be proud of. 1978: The first computer bulletin board system goes live on an S-100 motherboard and CP/M, anda Hayes 300 baud modem. Ward Christensen and Randy Seuss's Computerized Bulletin Board System still kinda runs to this day, but the Internet has taken the place that BBS's used to have. And this is why you have no social life, loser. 1988: Richard Farley, a man obsessed with the lovely and petite Laura Black, entered his former workplace in Sunnyvale, California, and killed 7 employees as he made his way towards Laura's office. A hearing was scheduled regarding her restraining order against him for the following day. Farley fails in his attempt to kill her, leaving Laura critically wounded.

HEROES

A rough week for some of the heroes makes for another pretty good episode, especially the Parkman and Jessica stuff. For once, things appear to be going Matt Parkman's way. He's beaming as he heads off for his first day on a new job as private security. His client turns out to be an a-hole. Matt has not gotten used to overhearing the negative thoughts everyone he meets seems to have of him. Just in from Vegas, recently-liberated Jessica has a new job herself; it's the first of what may be many contracts from Mr. Linderman. The cat-and-mouse chase up and down the stairwells was intense. So was Matt's near fatal fall. Jessica chucks him out a high window before finishing what she came to Los Angeles to do. Say what you will about Jessica, but she certainly enjoys herself more than Niki ever has. It was cool that Matt read both Niki's and Jessica's thoughts as they argued in the stairwell. Wherever they go, the mirror-twins seem to encounter an ample supply of reflective surfaces. I actually thought at one point Matt would get to win one. Alas, it's not to be. The constant beat-downs that life gives Matt explains why he pockets his dead client's diamonds. That happens right after he reads the thoughts of yet another cop believing Matt is a loser. I don't believe Parkman will end up keeping the diamonds. He's too decent a guy. If anything that's why he encounters so much difficulty. Besides Jessica's new hit woman career, I don't know what's going on with that family of Niki's. Micah makes a good point when he asks "shouldn't we be fighting crime or something?" -- or just doing anything. D.L. seems to just hang out tonight. Why is he sure it's safe for Micah to bearound his sharp-shooting mother now? And nobody seems all that curious about the occasional FedEx's that Jessica (as Niki) is suddenly getting now that she is out of jail. Niki herself should be working on a way to get out of the mirror and back in control of her body. If Jessica can switch places, Niki should be able too. Although evil does seem to have a leg up, usually, in the ability-controlling department. Speaking of evil, Sylar arrives on the scene at a short-lived hero's Virginia Beach home just a few hours ahead of Mohinder. Plenty of time to murder Zane the Melting-Things Guy -- and to steal his Ramones tee-shirt for good measure. Sylar is oddly calm now. The anger he's always shown before is gone. I guess he really had the epiphany, as he explains it, to Mohinder. He's even creepier now. Sylar toys with Mohinder for awhile, not even bothering to hide Zane's body much before entertaining Mohinder and making tea. He makes the most of the meeting by proposing they team-up to "help" other people with special abilities. Which, for Sylar, means helping himself to their abilities. Mohinder has no reason to mistrust Sylar and really takes to the idea. Uh-oh. The big thing this week was supposed to be Claire finding her father Nathan, but father and daughter fail to connect (to say the least). Meredith, Claire's birth mom, turns out to be no saint. She even low balls Claire on an offer of a cut of the money she's getting out of Nathan. Claire's not interested money, of course. The sad thing is, Meredith acts the way she does because of the kind of person she knew Nathan to be fourteen years ago. Very recent events have begun changing him, though that change is far from complete. If Claire could have seen Nathan's face, and not just overhear his voice when she hid outside the trailer, then she might have found that her birth father is not as indifferent to her as his words made him seem. Nevertheless, Nathan is soon back in his limo. Claire, feeling hopeless and betrayed, chucks a rock at the car out of bitter frustration. Meredith told Claire that she's going back to Mexico, where the $100k will go farther, I'm sure. She was in Texas, what? Two weeks? Quite a coincidence that she turned up right when Claire started looking for her. Or is it? Can't imagine what Claire's next move is. At home, H.R.G. has pretty much destroyed his wife and his family, and the Cheerleader seems past the limit of what she can stand byand witness -- but then that's what I thought last week. Hiro and Ando are no closer to the sword then ever, bless 'em. And Linderman is not an easy guy to get a meeting with. Ando can't help remarking on the irony that they are now back in Vegas. Really not that much farther along in saving the world than when they left from Japan. Ando and Hiro have an initially-amusing role reversal. Sure, Ando's sudden passion for heroism has a lot to do with his attraction for the very tall, very strong, and very duplicitous Hope, but it's fun to seen Ando throw all Hiro's arguments back at him. "One doesn't need special powers to be a hero," Ando says, though it would certainly have helped. In another callback to Star Trek, Hope insultingly calls Hiro "Sulu" after he corrects her mischaracterization of him and Ando as a "couple of Chinese guys." Later he gives the gaming board official a traditional Vulcan greeting. Next week is supposed to be a wild one. As we all know, the current teaser/catchphrase is "someone flies, someone dies." I guess "someone flies" could be Peter, learning from his new mentor, the invisible Claude, how to use an ability without being in proximity of its owner. But that does make him the obvious flier -- so, then again, maybe not. As to who dies, I really don't know, only I'm guessing it won't be Nathan, Claire, or Hiro. I don't think it will be Nathan because he is the next person Linderman wants Jessica to kill, so, here again, this is too obvious. It won't be Claire because of H.R.G and her still unresolved parental issues, which are crucial. It won't be Hiro because there would be an open revolt among viewers (unless, say, Hiro dies and, through bending space and/or time, returns in another form). Parkman came pretty close to dying this week. It would be a shame if he were killed before he manages to have a victory of some kind. It could be Peter, come to think of it. He's always felt a little doomed. Any theories? How about just plain guesses?

DAD

MOVIE BUZZ

Spider-Man 3: They won't show him in the trailers yet, but here's your first close-up look at toothy villain Venom, courtesy of Toy Fair. Say, that reminds me, I gotta make an appointment with the dentist.

The Hardy Men: Rumor no more: Tom Cruise hopes to repair his public image by starring in a comedy. Give the guy credit. Most celebrities do that sort of thing by going into rehab … but being in a movie with Ben Stiller? That's way, way harder.

Pirates of the Caribbean 4: Screenwriter Terry Rossio says he's taking a crack at yet another sequel. Although to keep the budget under control this time, they may have to resort to using the animatronic dummy of Johnny Depp at Disney World, so maybe not such a good idea.

She-Hulk: Nic Cage is big pimpin' Eva Mendes to star as Bruce Banner's gamma-irradiated cousin. Hold on, I'm envisioning the Victoria's Secret-product tie-in campaign now…

Untitled Religious Spoof: Hot off of Borat, director Larry Charles is planning a similar hit job on religion — narrated by Bill Maher. Hey, guys, I got a couple of old Sunday school teachers you could start with if you want. Please.

Iron Man: Also from Toy Fair, here's a picture of ol' Shellhead's action figure. How they're going to shrink Robert Downey Jr. into it for the film, I have no idea.

After.Life: Kate Bosworth looks pretty spooky rising out of a bed in this poster. Then again, she sleepwalked through most of Superman Returns, so this role shouldn't be too much of a stretch for her.

Well, that's it for another entry of the Phile. Next week it should be posted on Thursday again. Don't forget to check out the webshots page at PeverettPhile and the myspace page at http://www.myspace.com/peverettphile. Until next week, spread the word, not the turd.