Thursday, November 9, 2006

You Must Go

When that howling wind comes to carry you again, just like your next of kin, you must go. To a far away place where you don't recognize one face, don't unpack your old suitcase cause you must go. You must go and you must ramble. Through every briar and bramble, till your life is in a shambles. Maybe then you will know you were born to blunder, born to wander, born to wonder, even when you're six feet under there's place
that you must go. It is something you done, are you loyal to no one, turn your back on the sun and you must go. It it something she said, you keep this all up in your head, now your face is turning red, and you must go. Love is in the air you can smell it everywhere.
Its in your clothes, it's in her hair. Ah, you better get out of there. It's gonna take a midnight train to straighten out your winding brain, like a snake in the rain. You must go.

Hello, and welcome to the Peverett Phile. First things first, some business to clear up. Last Thursday I said that Jen was in labor for 25 hours with our son Logan, when actually it was 26 hours I was told. Symatics. With that said and done, the GOP is concerned about Republican voter turnout. Right now instead they have a congressman and a preacher that are coming out instead of turning out. Pastor Ted Haggard has stepped down from his position. He was thought to be a George Bush Republican. Instead it turned out he was a George Michael Republican. Saddam Hussein was found guilty in Iraq and sentenced to death. Saddam should have taken my advice. I told him to get a good Jewish lawyer but he wouldn’t listen. They are going to make a movie about him. Saddam Hussein:Well HungIn 1860 Abraham Lincoln was elected in a three way race. President Bush today said that he admired Lincoln. Because of inventing the penny. The Lincoln Town Car. And of course because of Lincoln Logs. The NBA season is one week old. So far no pregnancies. There was a huge accident today. Apparently a bunch of Republican candidates trying to distance themselves from President Bush ran into a bunch of Democrat candidates trying to distance themselves from John Kerry. They just collided in the middle. It was gruesome. John Kerry has since apologized for screwing up a joke about President Bush that offended our troops. How do you screw up a Bush joke? That’s like screwing up a Clinton sex joke. KFC said today that they are no longer using transfat in their batter. They have switched to Mobile 1. Well, friends, you did it! The impossible has happened: A majority of Americans have soundly and forcefully removed Bush's party from control of the House of Representatives. And the same miracle has happened in the Senate. The American people have made two things crystal clear: End this war, and stop Mr. Bush from doing any more damage to this country we love. That is what this election was about. Nothing else. Just that. And it's a message that has sent shock waves throughout Washington -- and a note of hope around this troubled world. Now the real work begins. Unless we stay on top of these Democrats to do the right thing, they will do what they've always done: Screw it up. Big Time. They helped Bush start this war, and now they should make amends. But let's take a day to rejoice and revel in a rare victory for our side -- the side that doesn't believe in unprovoked invasions of other countries. This is your time, my friends. You have worked hard for it. I can't tell you how proud I am to count all of you as part of the greater American mainstream we now occupy. Thank you for all the time you gave this week to get out the vote. If you want to do one thing today, send an email or a letter to both of your senators and your member of Congress and tell them, in no uncertain terms, what this election means: End the war -- and don't let George W. Bush get away with any more of his bright ideas. Congratulations, again! Now let's go find a spine for the Dems to do the job we've sent them there to do. Okay, I'll get off my political soap box for now, and concentrate on the comedy again. Not bad for a British, guy, right?


Another week, another 36-minute delay for the start of The Amazing Race. Instead of Phil, there’s a newsworthy profile of Russell Crowe. Sigh. CBS just hates us. Speaking of hate, teams that hated each other were forced to work together this week as the show introduced a new twist. Here’s this week’s installment of stupid things they said: Eric and Jeremy raised the bar last season for homoerotic comments and double-entendre. But sometimes, Tyler andJames—mostly James—gives off a less-than-heterosexual vibe, and I’m not just talking about when Rob called him a “stallion.” But tonight Tyler did so with two sentences, although each was capped with a three-word phrase (“in our team”) that effectively neutered the secondary meaning: “You know, there are certain times when James is more passive in our relationship—in our team,” he said. “I feel like I need to take responsibility and step up in the dominant role—in our team.” David and Mary seem to be devolving into third graders as the race progresses. On the plane to Madagascar, David whined, “I ain’t never sit in a window yet. It’s my turn.” Kimberly wanted to know how people in Madagascar survived, because “breathing in exhaust is bad for you, right?” Dr. Rob,, explained this to her as if he was so, so smart and she was so, so dumb: “Babe, they die a lot younger than we do, that’s what happens. Most of them don’t get enough protein, so their brains don’t develop as much. Brain needs protein.” And your brain needs a lobotomy. Phil explained the Intersection, “a new twist in the race. [Teams] must join forces with another team, then perform all tasks and make all decisions together until further notice.” This is kind of annoying, since one of the race’s strengths over 10 seasons has been that teams compete independently. Alas, I guess this is just my reality TV conservatism. I breathed into a paper bag for 10 minutes and all was okay. At the Intersection, when the blondes read that they’d have to wait for another team to join up with, one of them said, “Are we the last team?” Of course, that’d be impossible, since if all teams—oh hell, why am I trying to explain her lack of logic? She’s just dumb. Phil kept referring to the “newly joined teams,” which sounded kind of dirty. Faced with choosing a Detour task, one of the blondes said to their new partners, the Cho brothers, “You are Asian—we could make paper! Ha ha ha!” One of the brothers said, exasperated, “Just go.” And the Weirdest Metaphor of the Episode award goes to Mary: Regarding the Detour task, which involved covering mattresses, she said it was just “like a little girl’s panty hose.” Tyler and James, and Rob and Kimberly, did the Fast Forward together, eating plates of cow lips. They were super-confident that they were far ahead of all the other teams. Ofcourse, they weren’t. “The other teams cannot be ahead of us, unless they ran a miracle,” Tyler said. His overconfidence and the editing combined to seem like one of those times when the editors were faking us out, but no: Dustin and Kandice actually checked in first. “You guys beat the Fast Forward team here,” Phil told them, although after the two girls hugged him and squished his face in between theirs, he probably wanted to say, “Would someone please get me Wet One so I can wash this Dustin and Kandice off my face?” Phil’s facial expressions deserve an Emmy. When Godwin dove onto the mat, and asked him, “Am I safe?”, Phil communicated through his eyebrows alone, “Safe from ridicule for being such a gigantic twit? No.” Despite being marked for elimination, Mary helped Lyn and Karlyn, their best friends on the race—and the last-place team. “I’m not going to change who I am as a person; I’ve made friends well worth more than a million dollars in this race. I’m not going to become a devil just for the money. It’s not worth it to me,” Mary said. The 30-minute penalty led to their elimination, as Lyn and Karlyn checked in 10 minutes after David and Mary showed up at the pit stop. They all had a good cry, and then Mary did her best to make us cry with a moving speech. “I don’t have to be stuck in one place,” she said. “That I need to get out and take my kids to see the world. I don’t want my kids to be like me; I want ‘em to experience life, because I never experienced life.” David and Mary won’t have to return home to their trailer with only $6,000 to show for their appearance on the series. That’s because, on The View, Rosie O’Donnell praised the couple for being so friendly and polite to the other teams on Amazing Race and to strangers they encountered along the way” and then rewarded them with a limited edition Ford Explorer. Rosie also “told them their trailer home in Stone, Kentucky will be replaced by a new single-family house” and “urged them to donate their trailer to a family that needs it.” They also received “a MacBook computer; a Canon Rebel digital camera; trips to San Diego, Disneyland and the Grand Canyon; [and] a cruise with Rosie O’Donnell’s travel company.”

Seven weeks after Survivor Cook Islands began, one of the tribes finally voted out a white person. The contestants eliminated up to this point were all of color, but that streak was broken with the eighth person to bevoted off the island, Jessica (aka Flica). At Tribal Council, Jeff Probst did his best to pretend that the tribes had not decimated nearly one whole ethnicity’s representatives (Aitu, the Latinos, who only have one player left), and instead suggested that they were now one big, happy melting pot. “Look at this group tonight: at least one member from all four of the original ethnic groups,” he said. “And yet, I don’t have any sense that plays any part in this tribe.”What he should have said was, “Why have you assclowns not yet voted out a white person, especially the white guy who’s been on CSI and is a crazy-ass threat to all of the rest of you?” Anyway, here’s how we stand after week seven, ranking the tribes by the number of people voted off by original tribe membership: Aitu (Latino): 4,  Hiki (black): 2,  Puka (Asian): 1,  Raro (white): 1.


Animals can rain from the sky. Raining animals is a relatively common meteorological phenomenon, with occurrences reported from many countries throughout history. The animals most likely to drop from the sky in a rainfall are fish and frogs, with birds coming third. Sometimes the animals survive the fall, especially fish, suggesting a small time gap between the extraction and the actual drop. Several witnesses of raining frogs describe the animals as startled, though healthy, and exhibiting relatively normal behavior shortly after the event. In some incidents, however, the animals are frozen to death or even completely enclosed in blocks of ice. These occurrences may be evidence for the transport of the victims to high altitudes, where the temperature is below zero, and they show how powerful meteorological forces can be. Most recent occurrences include the rain of frogs and toads in Serbia (2005) and London (1998), and rains of fish in India (2006) and Wales (2004). In Honduras, the Lluvia de Peces (Rain of Fishes) is a unique phenomenon that has been occurring for more than a century on a yearly basis in the country of Honduras. It occurs in the Departamento de Yoro, between the months of May and July. Witnesses of this phenomenon state that it begins with is a dark cloud in the sky followed by lightning, thunder, strong winds and heavy rain for 2 to 3 hours. Once the rain has stopped, hundreds of living fish are found on the ground. People take the fish home to cook and eat them.Although some experts have tried to explain the Rain of Fishes as a natural meteorological phenomenon, the fish are not sea water fish, but fresh water fish; they are not dead, but alive; they are not blind, they have eyes; they are not big fish, but small; and the type of fish is not found elsewhere in the area. There is no valid scientific explanation for this phenomenon. Many people believe this phenomenon occurs because of Father José Manuel Subirana, a Spanish catholic missionary and considered by many to be a Saint. He visited Honduras from 1856-1864, and upon encountering so many poor people, prayed for 3 days and 3 nights asking God for a miracle to help the poor people by providing food. The Rain of Fishes has occurred ever since.


This week's Canned Laughter is brought to you by none other then John Kerry as he tries to tell other jokes. 1) Q: How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? A: 10, but 15 if the blondes are some of our nation's farmers. 2) Knock Knock! Who's There? Interrupting Politician who accidentally insults constituents! Interrupting Politician who accidentally insults const—SENIOR CITIZENS ARE LAZY! 3) Last night I had this dream that I was eating a giant marshmallow and when I woke up, my pillow was gone! I'm thinking it was probably stolen by a WWII veteran and sold for drugs. 4) A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, “Get out. God is dead and religion is the opiate of the masses.” 5) Q: How do you know an elephant's been in your refrigerator? A: By the footprints in the ashes of 911 victims. I mean, 911 victims' pizza. Wait a second. Just pizza. 6) Q: What do you get when you cross a teacher with a vampire? A: A teacher who gives blood tests, but remains employed due to the strength of corrupt unions. 7) Take my wife, please. Seriously, women are useless. 8) Three men are stranded on an island when they find an old lamp. They rub it. Suddenly, a genie appears and offers to grant them each one wish. The first man wishes to be off the island and, poof, he's gone. The second man wishes to be off the island, and poof, he's gone. The third man says, “Gee, I'm really lonely. I wish the Jews wouldn't start all the wars in the world.” 9) Awaiter brings a restaurant patron a bowl of soup. The patron notices a fly and says, “Hey, there's a fly in my soup.” The waiter replies, “Yes. Unfortunately our chef is Latino.” 10) Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To head into the army recruiting office so he could fight in Iraq. Oh, wait. I told that wrong. I forgot to say the chicken was retarded. There you have it. Thanks to John Kerry for sending me those jokes. He told more jokes then I did all year!

SEARCH ENGINE How well can you recognize logos?


1888: Mary Jane Kelly, a 25 year old hooker, falls victim to Jack the Ripper. Mary's face had been mutilated; her breasts had been removed and she had been disemboweled. Her various internal organs were scattered about. 1953: Dylan Thomas drinks himself to death. 1971: John Emil List, a "deeply religious" Lutheran, kills his mother, wife, and three teenage children. He is not found until 1988, living with a new improved family as Robert P. Clark in Richmond Virginia.


The Ewe, The Kurd, His Fine And Her Lover: Factory worker Hidyat Amin — who came to Britain from Iraq — romped with the sheep in a farm shed. The 30-year-old Kurd was trapped by DNA evidence after his underpants and socks were found at the scene. Shocked farmer Frank Davidson said: “The ewe was not very well and not very happy.” He told cops he feared “something funny” was going on involving his sheep and Shetland ponies. A man had been seen acting suspiciously under a full moon and was spotted several times previously lurking in the farmyard. On one occasion he casually smoked a cigarette before driving off, Hull Crown Court heard. The sheep and a ram had been isolated as part of treatment for foot rot, at Mr Davidson’s farm in Preston, East Yorks. He said he had found pants and socks nearby on THREE occasions as well as bread crumbs — apparently used to entice the animals. Amin was found guilty by a jury of having sex with an animal. Prosecutor Caroline Wigin said DNA swabs suggested a billion to one chance it was not him. Amin, who fears deportation after three years in the UK, was sentenced to six months’ jail. But he could be out next week because of time already spent behind bars. Judge Michael Mettyear told him: “The suspicion is that your offending was not limited to this one offence.”


CBS will split the first season of its nuclear-holocaust drama Jericho into two half-seasons of all-original episodes, following a similar programming strategy by ABC's Lost. The Hollywood Reporter said that the first half of Jericho's freshman season will end Nov. 29 with a cliffhanger finale. The series, starring Skeet Ulrich, will return Feb. 14, 2007, with a recap of the first 11 episodes, followed by a new episode every Wednesday for the rest of the season. The split is designed to avoid repeating episodes, a la Lost, which ended the first half of its season on Nov. 8 and will disappear from the airwaves before returning in February. The pattern also mirrors the fall/spring season scheduling for Fox's Prison Break, which was introduced last year.
ABC will air Shrek the Halls, an original animated special from DreamWorks Animation SKG based on the hit Shrek movies, in December. ABC is developing the half-hour special as a perennial holiday entertainment. Shrek the Halls features Shrek (Mike Myers), Fiona (Cameron Diaz), Donkey (Eddie Murphy), Puss in Boots (Antonio Banderas) and their fairy-tale buddies in a story that puts a twist on holiday traditions. The special will be directed by Gary Trousdale (Beauty and the Beast) and produced by Teresa Cheng (Madagascar) and Gina Shay (The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie). Meanwhile, ABC said it will air the broadcast television premiere of Shrek 2 at 8 p.m. ET/PT on Nov. 24.


Words I never, ever wanted to go through my brain: "This picture is making me feel a bit aroused by Boba Fett."


Spider-Man 3; The countdown to the trailer has begun. Maybe I need to get a hobby, because I feel like a loser for being this excited about the premiere of a trailer. Has anyone tried knitting? There's no way I'd be a loser if I took up knitting, right?

Casino Royale: One U.K. paper says "you'll be blown away," another boasts that Craig is "the best Bond since Connery" and there's a fanatic who will regret claiming, "He's the best Bond ever." To cap off the raves, there's also something about 007 "getting his unmentionables whipped by a man with a thick rope." Uh, I guess that's good.

Evan Almighty: It's not a good sign when the most exciting thing in the trailer is watching Steve Carell's beard grow.

Number 23: The trailer devolves into weird conspiracy theories after 2.3 seconds. The price of a ticket is $11 + parking and a soda = 23 bucks. Coincidence? Probably.

Speed Racer: The Matrix guys will direct, so that means Speed Racer will get off to a fast start, the middle of the race will be a wreck and he'll run out of gas at the finish.

The Dark Knight: The latest Harvey Dent/Two-Face casting rumor: Ethan Hawke. On a sorta related note, remember when Winona Ryder chose slacker-dude Ethan in Reality Bites? That was soooo lame. She totally should have gone with Ben Stiller. Duh!

Bee Movie: When you're as rich as Jerry Seinfeld, it's probably not all that hard to convince Chris Rock to humiliate himself by dressing up in a mosquito costume.

Rambo IV: The Serpent's Eye: The Thai film commission warned Sly to avoid damaging the jungle during filming and to "go easy on the violence." They didn't say a word about not sucking, though.

Well, that's it for a full Peverett Phile this week. Please check out the latest pics at webshots of Logan's 7th birthday party. And the page before has some other pictures from the Minneola Fall Fest Logan and I went to. I will leave you with a new random pic. Remember, spread the word and not the turd.

Click for a random picture!






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