We talk about your work how your boss is a jerk. We talk about your church and your head when it hurts. We talk about the troubles you've been having with your brother.
About your daddy and your mother and your crazy ex-lover. We talk about your friends and the places that you've been. We talk about your skin and the dimples on your chin. The polish on your toes and the run in your hose. And God knows we're gonna talk about your clothes. You know talking about you makes me smile but every once in awhile I wanna talk about me. Wanna talk about I, wanna talk about number one. Oh my me my. What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see.
I like talking about you, usually, but occassionally I wanna talk about me. We talk about your dreams and we talk about your schemes. Your high school team and your moisturizer creme. We talk about your guys of every shape and size. The ones that you despise and the ones you idolize. We talk about your heart, about your brains and your smarts. And your medical charts and where you start. You know talking about you makes me grin. But every now and then I wanna talk about me. Wanna talk about I,
wanna talk about number one. Oh my me my. What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see. I like talking about you, usually, but occassionally I wanna talk about me. You you you you you you you you youyouyouyouyou. I wanna talk about me.
Me, me, me, me! Hello, Happy Thanksgiving everybody. Today is my 38th birthday. Yep, 38 years ago today I was born, and I've been a pain in the ass ever since. Yesterday was the busiest travel day of the year. Over 38 million people traveled – and that’s just the people coming over from Mexico. Thanksgiving is a day we spend with relatives. Or as Donald Rumsfeld calls it, acceptable torture. I went down to the animal shelter and adopted a stray turkey. They taste just as good as the other ones. In the December issue of "GQ” magazine Al Gore revels that Bill Clinton does not drink. I wouldn’t have guessed that. He doesn’t drink. Can you believe that? When he was hitting on Paula Jones he was sober! This morning was the big Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Sorry kids no Kramer balloon this year. My wife Jen is a tremendous cook. You know how turkey makes you sleepy? Well Jen figured something outto counteract that. What she does is the night before, she marinates that turkey in Red Bull. Today President Bush pardoned two turkeys at the White House. The turkeys end up a petting zoon in Virginia. It’s the same thing they did with Mark Foley. Fox has cancelled its deal with O.J. O.J. is saying that the title of the show and book was not his idea. "If I Did It This Is How It Happened” was not his idea. His idea was "When I Did It”. Everyone is discussing Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes wedding. Some big news from the reception. Tom serenaded Katie with "You Lost That Loving Feeling”. Katie sang back to him with, "I’ve Lost My Dignity and Will To Live”. A new poll says 60% of Americans believe President Bush is doing a worse job than his father. He was cheered up though when someone told him he was the second best president with the name George Bush. Paris Hilton was singing at a show in Las Vegas and was so drunk she got sick on stage. Vegas has changed its slogan to "What happens in Vegas first goes into Paris, comes out of Paris and stays in Vegas”. The CIA has given up on trying to find Osama bin Laden. They now have a new task of trying to find a Playstation 3. That’s crazy. People are waiting in lines for the Playstation 3. There’s been riots and even a shooting. So now we have proof that video games kill brain cells. People have been camping outside of stores in wait to get a PS3. The sad thing is camping outside of a Circuit City to get a PS3 will be the only time some of these people ever camp. President Bush was in Vietnam. I don’t think he gets it. For example today he called John McCain and said, "I stayed at that Hanoi Hilton you’re always talking about and it wasn’t that bad.” Queen Elizabeth has announced she will visit the U.S. next year to commemorate the 400th anniversary of the Jamestown settlement. The Queen says she expects to enjoy herself as much as she did at Jamestown's 300th anniversary celebration. The other night at an awards show, Michael Jackson made an appearance and he was introduced by Lindsay Lohan. People in the audience kept asking, "Who are those two skinny white chicks?" In Kansas, a criminal was caught after he stuck his gun in his waistband and accidentally shot himself in his testicles. The man was arrested and immediately brought to a woman's prison. A poll was taken about who would be a better parent: Britney Spears or Kevin Federline and only three percent said Federline. Eighty-seven percent said the kids should take their chances on the streets.
The Hobbit and The Hobbit 2: Peter Jackson says he's not going to direct because of stupid Hollywood politics. Read: unsettled lawsuit. But MGM reportedly says the matter "is not closed." This could translate as: "Ringers have given us numerous death threats and we are afraid of a geek revolt" or "We're gonna give the job to the Amelie guy."
Fantastic Four 3: Expect Frankie Raye to be introduced in the second installment, but she won't become Nova, Johnny Storm's fiery girlfriend, until the third go-round. You know, I bet they burn up a lot of sheets. That could get seriously expensive.
Zodiac: This trailer is wicked creepy. Now, will somebody please make a movie about the Green River killer? He's the last big-name serial killer without a movie.
Fred Claus: Ever wonder what Santa Claus does the other 364 days of the year? He sits on a couch arguing with Vince Vaughn about the merits of replacing reindeer with dogs.
The Dirt: Rumored for the Motley Crue biopic: Val Kilmer as David Lee Roth and Christopher Walken as Ozzy Osbourne. They'd really blow some minds if they had Roth cameo as Kilmer and Osbourne play Walken. Dude, seriously.
Night At The Museum: You know what's rad? Bitch-slapping monkeys.
And now my reviews of Happy Feet and Casino Royale. Happy Feet: Staring the voices of Elijah Wood, Brittany Murphy, Nicole Kidman, Hugh Jackman, Robin Williams, Hugo Weaving. I was kind of hoping that this would be the singing/dancing penguin equivalent of David Cronenberg's Crash. That whole movie was just people having car accidents and then having sex. So 90 minutes of penguin-Moulin Rouge would have been fine with me. And it starts that way, but then veers off into all kinds of directions, for better and for worse. Here are some of those directions: They comment on pollution and the depletion of the ocean's fish by humans; they take the main Wood penguin on a hero's journey to stop those humans from de-fishing the ocean, he winds up in a zoo, he loses his mind, he meets a mystical penguin guru, he gives everyone dance lessons, and then real humans are superimposed into the action. It zigs and zags into a lot of different places you're not expecting. Entertaining throughout. But trippy. The Wood penguin looks like Wood. I don't know how they do that. But it's disconcerting. There are at least three scenes in this movie that are genuinely scary. Circle-of-life stuff where the predators seem to leap right out of the screen and into your lap. If you have children under six, and they're not tough-as-nails, then you're going to have some screaming and crying on your hands. There's this scene where Wood's and Murphy's penguins are falling in love and dancing and he freaks her from behind. And if you're an adult, you think, "Wait, did those penguins just do that?" The answer: Yes, they did. Casino Royale: Staring: Daniel Craig, Eva Green, Judi Dench, Mads Mikkelsen, Jeffrey Wright, Giancarlo Giannini. Remember Timothy Dalton and Roger Moore and Pierce Brosnan and how suave and dashing and freshly bathed they always seemed? Well, those days are over. Craig as Bond is an egocentric, thugged-out hot-head with a squashed-in mug whose first impulse isn't to invite you to tea with David Niven. He's just going to shoot you in the face. There was a version of this movie made in 1967 and Woody Allen was the villain. As you might guess, it was kind of a Bond parody. This one is nothing like that. In fact, it's a re-booted version of Bond because Casino was the first Bond novel that Ian Fleming wrote. So this one gives you a fresh Bond, one that's just starting his 007 career, one that doesn't have the Aston Martin or a preference in martinis. And he works out, which is something you could never say about Roger Moore. In fact, Craig looks like he just got sprung from the boxing program of some British prison. Danish actor Mads Mikkelsen is the villain here, he's asthmatic, has a weird eye scar and involuntarily cries blood that he's always dabbing with a handkerchief. I am not a big Poker fan, but the Poker game in the middle was pretty cool, except that it kinda dragged. There was no Moneypenny, no Q, no gadgets, and only two Bond women. It'll be interesting on what they do next with the next Bond movie due out in 2008.
Well, that's about it. I am going to have a mug of egg nog before I go to sleep. The turkey is making me sleepy. I'll be back next Thursday, the last day of November. Remember, spread the word and not the turd.