Hump Day

Man, am I out of sync. My whole schedule is off since I have been off work since last Thursday, updated the Phile on Saturday and here we are on Wednesday and there's another update. I am working Star Wars Weekends Friday, Saturday and Sunday so won't be updating on Thursdays for the next few weeks. The regular updates will be Sundays, but as I updated last Saturday and not Sunday I thought I would put this weeks entry on Wednesday. If I haven't confused you already, Sunday will be the next update. As you know, President Bush announced a big change in our immigration policy. He's going to get one. President Bush is proposing sending six thousands National Guard troops to bolster patrols along the U.S.-Mexican border. Or as his calling it, "No Juan Left Behind." He said, "You can't take millions of people with deep roots in the country and send them across the border.” Really? Mexico did it. President Bush said that these troops will be at the border temporarily. You know, just until Mexico is ready to govern itself. Sound familiar? A British scientist has built a car he claims can get 8,000 miles on a gallon of gas. And today, Dick Cheney invited this guy to go hunting with him. Talk about an ordeal. Yesterday Senator Ted Kennedy was on an aircraft up here in the northeast and it was hit by lightning. They landed, luckily no one was hurt. But then he had to ride home from the airport with his son Patrick. Did you know O.J. Simpson now has his own show? It’s a prank type show like "Punk’d” where he plays pranks on people. Because when you think of hilarious pranks you think O.J.! Barry Bonds says that he is haunted by the ghost of Babe Ruth. Then someone let him know that the "boos” he is hearing are not from a ghost. Boy, gas just keeps going up doesn't it? In fact, the price of gas is so high now that today Congressman Patrick Kennedy walked into concrete barriers. The British Dental Association has reported there is a dentist shortage in England. Which is not surprising. I'm surprised there's British Dental Association. I can say that as I'm British!

I COME FROM A NATION OF SHOPKEEPERS

Speaking of England: A girl is to become Britain's youngest mother after becoming pregnant at 11. The girl smokes 20 cigarettes a day despite being eight months' pregnant. She conceived aged 11 when she lost her virginity to a boy of 15 on a drunken night out with friends. The 15-year-old has since been charged with rape by police, and is due to appear again at Edinburgh sheriff court on July 10. Her 34-year-old mother, who gave birth to her youngest child eight months ago, said she was 'proud' of her daughter. She will be 12 years and 8 months when she has the child next month. Jenny Teague, Britain's youngest mother until now, was a month older when she gave birth in 1997. The youngster, who lives near Edinburgh, says looking after her younger brothers has prepared her for motherhood. But the girl admits she "panics and cries" when babies are unwell and does not feel able to bathe them. The mother-to-be, who cannot be named for legal reasons, had unprotected sex with the teenage boy, who also cannot be identified, while drunk last August. Concerned she might be pregnant, the girl visited a GP three times but tests proved negative. She learned the truth after buying a home-testing kit from a supermarket. After the device displayed two blue lines, indicating she was pregnant, she pleaded with a female relative to break the news to her mother. The girl, who has been suspended from her first year of secondary school for fighting, said: "I was paranoid about what my mum was going to say and just frightened about being pregnant too. The girl, who has shoulder-length dark hair, began smoking at nine and started drinking tonic wine and vodka cocktails at ten. She claimed her cigarette habit was not harming the health of her unborn child. The girl, whose parents split up several years ago, said she would like a baby boy - and may call him Leo. She is currently being educated at a local community centre but knows she must return to school. The Scottish Conservatives has called for society and families to unite to change attitudes towards sex following the news. Yeesh.

TOO MUCH TIME TO THINK

In the last few days I have been off I have been watching 'Lost' on DVD. I got the Season One DVD set for Christmas and I am finally getting around to watching it. I know I am a year and a half late into the whole 'Lost' frenzy, but I am hooked. Anyway, watching it I came up with a number of theories about the show. For example, in 1978 a consortium of American business men artifically constructed the island for use as a military base. It was later used as a base for research into mental health and eugenics. Through this research they aimed to develop technology which could potentially develop psychic abilities. The plane crashed due to the reversal of the earth's magnetic field - an event which wiped out much of the Earth's population. The survivors of flight 815 are the reincarnations of various Greek deities and the so-called "monster" in the jungle is a form of malevolent extraterrestrial entity. There are two groups of Others. One group are loyal devotees of Alvar Hanso and the other are the crash survivors' future selves. "The incident" mentioned in the orientation film refers to a situation where experimental nanotechnology accidentally escaped from Dharma's laboratory and the pressing of the button every 108 minutes was part of an experiment which ended several yearsago and is no longer actually necessary - though the survisors do not know this. The numbers represent a physical constant which is central to the physics of time travel.

SEARCH ENGINE

Or you can file under: What The F? http://jasonpeverett.justgotowned.com/ Someone's idea of a sick joke.

CANNED LAUGHTER

Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You can't. They've always been like that.

A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist. She walked into his office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no man will come near me and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?" "I'm sure I can," the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face down on that couch, and we'll get started.

Q: What do they call reruns of "Hee-Haw" in Mississippi? A: Documentaries.

Q: What's the hardest part about rollerblading? A: Telling your Dad you're gay.

I HAVE A MIGRAINE

 

BROKEN

I think this is supposed to be a Scrapbook store.

SEX TOY OR BABY TOY

Self-explanatory. The last picture was of a sex toy.

Here is this week's picture. Is it a sex toy or baby toy?

And now for...

MOVIE BUZZ

X-Men 3:The Last Sand: In case you're so ADD that you can't sit through the seven-minute preview: Beast will make you laugh till you turn blue in the face, Professor X endorses Dell computers, the mutant X gene leaves one prone to wearing Goth clothes and Angel's dad, like, totally doesn't get what it's like being a mutant, man.

Miami Vice: Another trailer and still no pastel suits. I keep hoping Tubbs will bust some dealer, open up the trunk of his car and say, "Hey, Crockett — there are some totally awesome boat shoes and neon tank tops in here. Let's wear 'em!"

Snakes On A Plane: Hey, Sam, the clips you showed on Ellen's show is missing something — snakes!

The Fast And The Furious 3: Tokyo Drift: Spoilers Make You Furious?  Well, look who's back!

Uses Guys: Somebody finally realized that spending $90 million to make a movie about a universe in which women pay Jim Carrey and Ben Stiller to have sex with them is just not wise.

Parental Guidance Suggested: Here are two phrases I never wanted to see together in the same sentence: "Frankie Muniz" and "R-rated sex comedy."

Catwoman 2 Vs. Wall Street 2: Let's save some time and combine two unnecessary sequels — this time Catwoman squares off against The Gecko, a reptilian supervillain with suspenders and greasy hair.

Well, that's just about it. In the next Phile Movie Buzz will look at the Summer movies. In the meantime, check out the Peverett Phile's webshots page at http://community.webshots.com/album/527540184iyFFCs/0 I will leave you with a random picture. Remember, spread the word and not the turd and the next entry will be Sunday.