The Force Is Strong In This One

Hello, and welcome to another Sunday edition of the Peverett Phile. Star Wars weekends is going well. The last three days I was with Jake Lloyd who played Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars Episode One The Phantom Menace. That kid (who is now 17) is one of the most down to earth famous people I know. He is from the opposite end of the spectrum from Peter 'Arsehole' Mayhew. Taylor Hicks is the new "American Idol”. Now to me he looks like one of those guys busted on "Dateline”. Al Gore has come out with a new movie on the environment and global warming. President Bush has seen it and was annoyed. In fact today Dick Cheney shot a projectionist. There was one dramatic moment in the movie when a glacier melts and they find more Gore ballots from the election. Last Wednesday Mexico President Vicente Fox arrived in the U.S. It’s official he’s the last one. Turn off the lights. They are all here now…don’t let the door hit you in the ass. Well that’s how it always starts. Four days, then three weeks, then four months. The Senate has passed a resolution to make English the official language of the United States. In fact today, President Bush said, "It’s the goodest news he’s heard in a long time.” According to a poll, 84% of Americans approve of making English the official language. I would be happy if we would just make English the office language of 7-11. Egypt says they are going to excavate what appears to be a 2000 year old roman city submerged in the Mediterranean. It’s been under water for over 2000 years and they are now going to dig it up. You know, FEMA was slow. Scientists said they have confirmed that some of Christopher Columbus’ remains were buried inside a Spanish cathedral. The rest of his remains they think are buried somewhere on a farm in Michigan. How is this for amazing? A seven year old boy named Braxton Bilbrey has become the youngest person ever to swim from Alcatraz Island to San Francisco. He broke the old record set by Elian Gonzalez. Here’s a shocking statistic, 1 in 136 Americans are currently behind bars. A more shocking statistic, 1 in 3 Kennedy’s are currently in a bar. Catholics still continuing to protest over the movie The Da Vinci Code. In fact, some priests are so angry they are refusing to take their alter boys to see it. How many have seen The Da Vinci Code? Or as the atheist call it Roots. Congratulations to Barry Bonds who got his 714th asterisk, whatever that means. Scientists say they can know teach birds grammar. And if this works they’re going to next do the same thing with President Bush. Hillary Clinton says that in her spare time she likes to download iTunes. We all know that in his spare time Bill likes to download interns. A realtor in Ogden, Utah inspecting a townhouse found 70,000 empty beer cans left behind by the former tenant. I didn’t know the Kennedy’s had a place in Utah.

DOCTOR WHO NEWS

Ratings for the tenth episode of the first season of the new series, Boom Town, on US television on the Sci Fi Channel, have come in: the telecast dropped a bit to a 1.03 with an average of 1.2 million viewers, down approximately 200,000 viewers from the previous week. Season-to-date, Sci Fi reports that Doctor Who is currently averaging a 1.28 household rating and an average audience of 1.5 million viewers for the season. The show did not air last Friday due to the US Memorial Day weekend holiday, but will return on Friday, June 2.

 

WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY

 

Once they win Survivor, some people just can’t stop lying. Richard Hatch is in prison after being convicted of lying, and now Survivor Vanuatu winner Chris Daughtery may lose his job as an Ohio highway worker for lying to his supervisors about a show-related trip he took. Chris, who lied his way to victory on the show, “was [found] guilty of taking the unauthorized leave and of dishonesty for falsely claiming that he needed time off work because he was under stress and suffering from depression” by the Ohio Department of Transportation, according to the Cleveland Plain Dealer. Chris was “denied a leave because he had used all but 29 hours of his vacation, sick leave and personal leave, [and then] Daugherty submitted a bogus excuse from a doctor in London, Ohio, that said he needed to take off a month because he was suffering from anxiety and depression.” Then he went to Germany and Italy for two weeks as part of a Survivor-related tour, for which he received $8,000. He told investigators he went “because my doctor thought it’d be good for me to relax and get away. It was recommended.”But the chief Ohio DOT investigator says “Daugherty’s claim that he had an illness which just happened’ to coincide with his Survivor’ tour is simply not credible.” The paper notes that Chris “was obligated to attend [the trip] under a contractual agreement with CBS.” However, it doesn’t say why he still had a $34,000 a year job “patching potholes, mowing and picking up litter” after winning $1 million.

P.P. T.V.

robot chicken-real world-metropolis A take on the Real World with superheroes from Robot Chicken.

Foghat - Slipped Tripped Fell In Love Foghat Slipped, Tripped Fell In Love video that was on MTV in the 80's.

SHARPENING AXES

 

This week I will answer the question: what is GPS? It's eleven o'clock ... do you know where your kids are? Would you like to? One way to track them would be to have a GPS receiver installed in the car! The GPS, or Global Positioning System, is one of the hottest technologies around, and no wonder. Consider these diverse uses: Minnesota scientists use GPS to study movements and feeding habits of deer. Surveyors used GPS to measure how the buildings shifted after the bombing in Oklahoma City. GPS help settle property disputes between land owners. Marine archaeologists use GPS to guide research vessels hunting for shipwrecks. GPS data has revealed that Mt. Everest is getting taller! GPS answers five questions simultaneously: "Where am I?" "Where am I going?" "Where are you?" "What's the best way to get there? "When will I get there?" GPS is the only system today that can show your exact position on the Earth anytime, in any weather, no matter where you are! Like so many other high-tech developments, GPS was designed by the U. S. military. The concept started in the late '60s but the first satellite wasn't launched until February 1978. In 1989 the Magellan Corp. introduced the first hand-held GPS receiver. In 1992 GPS was used in Operation Desert Storm. On March 1996 the President decided to make GPS free for civilian users. GPS has three 'segments': The space segment now consists of 28 satellites, each in its own orbit about 11,000 nautical miles above the Earth. The user segment consists of receivers, which you can hold in your hand or mount in your car. The control segment consists of ground stations (five of them, located around the world) that make sure the satellites are working properly. At first, the military did not want to let civilians use GPS, fearing that smugglers, terrorists, or hostile forces would use it. Finally, bowing to pressure from the companies that built the equipment, The Defense Department made GPS available for non-military purposes, with some restrictions. On May 1, 2000, President Clinton lifted the restrictions, and announced that the option to degrade civil GPS signals during emergencies would be phased out by 2010. The federal government is committed to providing GPS technology for peaceful uses on a worldwide basis, free of charge. Boy, I am just a dork sometimes.

 

R.I.P.

 

Paul Gleason, who played the go-to bad guy in Trading Places and the angry high school principal in The Breakfast Club, has died. He was 67. Gleason died at a local hospital Saturday of mesothelioma, a rare form of lung cancer linked to asbestos. Through his career, Gleason appeared in over 60 movies that included Die Hard, Johnny Be Good, and National Lampoon's Van Wilder. Most recently, Gleason made a handful of television appearances in hit shows such as "Friends" and "Seinfeld."

 

CANNED LAUGHTER

 

Q: What's six inches long, has a bald head and drives blondes crazy? A: A hundred-dollar bill.

Q: How does a man keep his youth? A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. Or three. One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Q: How can you tell a blonde has lost her virginity? A: Her crayons are sticky.

 

SEX TOY OR BABY TOY

The answer to last week's sex toy or baby toy: sex toy. the snake was a vibrator. Now, what is this?

 

 

MOVIE BUZZ

Superman Returns: In the third trailer, a speeding bullet bounces right off the Man of Steel's eye. Deflecting all the "Superman in the closet" gossip — a little tougher.

Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties: This may sound cruel, but I would rather stuff 1,000 kittens in a burlap sack and chuck 'em in a river than watch this trailer again.

The X-Files 2: Depending on which theory you believe, this long-lost sequel is either tangled up in lawsuits or coming to theaters next year. The truth is probably out there, but does anybody still care?

My Sexiest Year: Sure, global warming and never-ending Middle Eastern turmoil are signs that something is seriously screwed up here on planet Earth, but the real harbinger of the apocalypse is the green-lighting of another Frankie Muniz sex comedy. That's two in as many weeks. If there's a third, I'm heading for the bomb shelter. Oh, and in case you were wondering, my sexiest year was 1997.

Flushed Away: The trailer's going right down the crapper. And I mean that in the best possible way.

Last Monday Logan and I saw Over The Hedge. Voices of Bruce Willis, Garry Shandling, Steve Carell, Wanda Sykes, William Shatner, Nick Nolte, Thomas Haden Church, Allison Janney. A shifty raccoon enlists the help of forest creatures to steal food from a wasteful suburban McMansion development to stave off an angry bear. Kids will love it. Grown-ups will play Guess the Celebrity Voice and then forget they ever saw it. It's Madagascar in the suburbs. And if you've seen Madagascar or The Wild or Ice Age or Shark Tale or Chicken Little or [Insert any other cute animated animal movie here], then you will note that Over the Hedge is a little better than any of the ones on that list. But better doesn't mean great. It's funny enough and pointed enough (it wants to be satirical; more on that in a second), but not enough of either to make you forget Thumper. Or Flower. Or even Stitch. Close to the end — and this doesn't really count as a spoiler — there's a scene in which the hyperactive squirrel (the most endearing and well-designed character in the movie) drinks a caffeinated energy drink. I won't divulge any more details, but it kind of makes the whole 85 minutes worthwhile. Hey, Hollywood, serious about cutting budgets in these lean times? Why are you shelling out for these famous voices when kids don't care and all it does for adults is cause internal dissonance. You're like, "Oh, that's William Shatner. And that's Garry Shandling as the turtle." It's pointless. So, this movie is poking pointed fun at suburban waste, excess and consumerism, right? Then why are these animals all over the place on Wal-Mart commercials every single time I turn on my television? From 1 to 10, 10 being the best I give it a 9. I will get it when it comes out on DVD.

Well, that's about it. Don't forget to check out the Phile's webshots page at http://community.webshots.com/album/527540184iyFFCs . I add pictures at least once a week. Also, check out the Peverett Phile Old Skool Pics webshots page at http://community.webshots.com/album/550521369CUGmXm . I hope everybody has a safe Memorial Day. We'll be having a big party at our house tomorrow. In a day or so don't be surprised to see pics from it on webshots. Remember to spread the word and not the turd. I will leave you with a random pic.