Sunday, November 20, 2016

Pheaturing Phile Alum Jeff Trelewicz

Hi there, welcome to Phantastic Phile and Where to Phind it. Haha. That's so stupid. Welcome to the Phile for a Sunday at Clermont Comic Con. I came so far to do entry. It's crazy here... I see a Stormtooper, Batman and some guys from a company called Umbrella or something. They're not holding umbrellas though, they're holding guns. So, remember when megalomaniacs bent on controlling the world were only in the comic books? I have to say so sorry you're fatter, paler, lowlier, and more Internet-addicted than anyone at Clermont Comic Con. Haha. I'm just kidding, I was talking about myself. You know on Facebook when it asks, "Which books have you read?" Is it okay to get credit for "Classic Illustrated Comic Books?" Good. So you like comic books, video games, and good music... excuse me while I remove my clothes. Haha. Here at Clermont Comic Con it s twice the size as last year's Con. In fact, they have more booths in the gym in this building. That's he first time most of the people here has ever been in such a room. Alright, let's tall about what's in the news...
"The Simpsons" must have some psychics on staff because they have eerily predicted the future many times, including that time they called a Trump presidency back in 2000. Hopefully signifies that we will have a woman president some time after President Trump. Now that their prediction has come true, the show used their iconic opening sequence to address how they feel about being right. They even shared the clip in a tweet from the show's Twitter account saying, "The Simpsons updates its 2000 prediction of a Trump Presidency."

Hey Simpsons, can you also do us all a favor and predict chocolate bars falling from the sky or a Kinks reunion tour? Thanks.
J.K. Rowling surprised Harry Potter fans everywhere when she revealed that Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them would be a series of five films instead of the originally planned three. Apparently, she also surprised the film's cast with the news. At a fan event on October 13th, Rowling (who is both producing and writing the scripts for the films) announced that the franchise, previously thought to be a trilogy, is in fact going to have five films. "We set a trilogy as a placeholder because we knew there would be more than one movie," she said. "But now I think we can say... I've now done the plotting properly, so we're pretty sure it's going to be five movies." Needless to say, Potter fans were surprised (and thrilled) to hear the news that they'd be getting an additional five films full of wizardly goodness. But apparently, Rowling had forgotten to mention that small detail to the film's cast. Actors Eddie Redmayne and Katherine Waterston said at a panel at "Entertainment Weekly's" PopFest that they were both shocked to learn that the franchise was going to consist of five movies instead of three. (It was apparently brand new information for them too.) Redmayne said that although he was surprised to hear there'd be two extra films, it felt natural that Rowling might need more space to adequately tell the story she wanted to. Redmayne explained, "There's a much bigger story here about good versus evil that she wants to tell, and you haven't seen much of it in the trailers and the clips of the film. But it's really a core of the story that she's telling and it has an epic, epic quality to it. So I do see that [Fantastic Beasts] is a macro story that could take more time. It does make sense." Rumor has it there may even be an appearance from Dumbledore himself at some point during the Fantastic Beasts series. (Eek! Potter nerds rejoice!)
It actually happened. Carrie Fisher, AKA Princess Leia, finally admits that she had an affair with co-star Harrison Ford while filming Star Wars, and her description of it is better than anyone's fan-fiction. Fisher was only 19 when she took that breakout role but admits that, to every fan's delight, she and then-married 33-year-old father Harrison Ford had an affair during their three months of filming. "It was so intense," Fisher writes in her new book, "The Princess Diarist." The spicy excerpt was gifted in an exclusive to "People." “It was Han and Leia during the week, and Carrie and Harrison during the weekend." Fisher explains she decided to come clean about her moments between the sheets after digging through her old journals from that time 40 years ago. Apparently, they started hooking up one night after Director George Lucas' birthday party, and she felt very insecure about the whole thing. “I looked over at Harrison. A hero’s face... a few strands of hair fell over his noble, slightly furrowed brow,” she writes. “How could you ask such a shining specimen of a man to be satisfied with the likes of me?” Unghhhhh. That is just. So. Hot. The relationship found a natural end when the filming was over, making it the perfect co-star romance if you don't think about Ford's wife and two children at home. "People" reports that Ford was given a warning about Fisher's book, but hasn't offered up any comments of his own. But we can imagine.
There's a scene in The Little Mermaid when (spoiler alert!), Ursula in disguise is about to marry Prince Eric, who is obviously destined to end up with Ariel. All that intrigue apparently gets the officiating priest pretty excited, because if you watch his pants, there's some bizarre movement in the crotch area. Or, as the Daily Beast puts it, "he supposedly pops an erection." This moment has been well documented in "dirty moments in Disney history" lore since the movie came out in 1989. So recently, on a promotional tour for their new Disney picture, Moana, the directors of The Little Mermaid attempted to clear up the controversy forever. Said Ron Clements to the Huffington Post, "It's a misunderstanding. Honestly, we were there, so we know." Of course he would say that though, wouldn't he? But he has more explanation, saying that "the minister has knobby knees." Here's a screen shot from the movie...

Knees. Right. "He was designed with knobby knees by animator Tom Sito," said Clements, and he "was not thinking of anything other than this slightly weirdly designed character. That was never the intention." Co-director John Musker added, "[His knees] show other times in the movie that you can see clearly." If you keep in mind the "knobby knees" theory, it sort of makes sense. Sort off.
As far as Moana is concerned... Disney's heavily anticipated new movie, Moana, will hit theaters in Italy next month. But with a different title. Because in Italy, Moana is already household name and not a family-friendly one: Moana Pozzi was a famous porn actress who later became a TV personality before passing away in 1994, "Variety" reports. So the title has been changed to Oceania, to save kids and their parents some awkward Google searches and dinner conversations. Fair point. Just imagine a kids' movie in the U.S. with the title Jenna Jameson or Ron Jeremy's Big Adventure! “There are two very simple reasons for the title change,” said an Italian marketing expert who chose to remain anonymous. “One is that if you type ‘Moana’ and do a Google search in Italy you risk coming up with porn videos. And it’s very expensive and a waste of money to try and change that.” The other reason, they said, is that, “in any Italian focus group Moana is Moana Pozzi the porn star.” Tbh, Moana Pozzi sounds like a total boss. After appearing in dozens of adult films, she also became a TV personality and got involved in politics. In the '90s, she co-founded Italy’s Love Party with another popular porn star named Cicciolina, who later became a member of parliament. Oceania incidentally is also about a strong, independent woman. The Polynesian teen heroine notably doesn't have a romantic interest. Instead the movie follows her journey to find herself. The original Moana would have been proud.
I have one extra story I have to talk about as I can't do a monologue without mentioning politics... or Trump. Thursday a well-connected white guy went to see the smash hit musical "Hamilton" on Broadway. Nothing so unusual about that, except this white guy was Mike Pence, the incoming vice president of these United States. The audience started booing him the moment he walked in. But that's just New York being New York. The real highlight came at the curtain call, when Pence tried to make a speedy getaway, only to find out that Brandon Victor Dixon (who plays Aaron Burr, another man whose career peaked with the vice presidency!) had a special message just for him. Dixon told Pence that the cast of this particular American story represented the diverse community alarmed by his incoming administration... people of all colors, creeds, and orientations... and exhorted him to uphold their "inalienable rights." "I saw him enjoying it with whoever he was with, and I hope he remembers us. I truly believe we had an affect," Dixon later told "It was a message from the producers the creative and the cast. If you have differences, say something! What better place than on this stage telling this story with these people? I hope he thinks of us every time he has to deal with an issue or talk about a bill or present anything." Pence has yet to say anything about the speech, but it nonetheless went viral, which didn't set well with... well, guess who.


Yet, as many pointed out, boycotting a show that's already sold out for the next (checks watch) billion years is about as brilliant a protest strategy as trying to troll Starbucks by buying their coffee. And others had far harsher words for Trump and Pence than the "Hamilton" cast. Meanwhile, some observers were distressed that Trump had successfully distracted from his radical cabinet appointees and $25 million fraud settlement in the Trump University lawsuit. Trump and Pence take office in 60 days. Enjoy the next two months, everyone!
I mentioned the Fantastic Beasts movie, from J.K. Rowling, but did you know that she has a new Harry Potter book out? No. Well, nerds, here it is...

Hmmm. Who is Cho Chang? I'm sure someone will explain it. You kids play Nintendo? Did you see their new slogan?

Haha. Did you see Excedrin's new ad? I think "The Walking Dead" fans would appreciate it...

Hahaha. I love inspirational posters, as you might know, and I really love Slave Leia so I was really excited when I saw this poster...

Did you notice that they put the Star Wars brand on just about anything... even sex toys. Yep. This is a real ad for a real product...

I wonder if a vendor is selling that here. I can't leave "Star Trek" fans out... there's a product for you as well that could be used for sex...

Hahahaha. Alright, so, this year is the Phile's 10th anniversary year and I have even showing you what people look like when they read the Phile. Like this guy...

Ha. I think that's Gandalf. At work, and here at the Con I swear aliens exist and are on this planet. Especially when I see something like this...

Ugh! Now from the home office on Alderaan, here is this week's...

Top Phive Things Overheard At Clermont Comic Con
5. For the last time, I am a bald man who is paralyzed, I'm not "cosplaying" as Professor X!
4. Well, I guess if I had to choose... I'd marry Swamp Thing, screw the Hulk, and still kill Aquaman.
3. Yeah, she was looking pretty stacked and sexy... than I started thinking, why is Slave Leia using the urinal next to me?
2. My collection will be complete if I can just get Richard Rivera to sign my variant cover of "Stabbity Bunny" number... oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I've wasted my life!
And the number one thing overheard at Clermont Comic Con is...
1. Ahh... it's no nice to wear my full Nazi regalia and just be able to say that I'm a fan of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Hahaha. If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, it's Sunday so I have to talk football with my friend Jeff.

Me: Jeff! You're alive! I saw on Facebook the other day, and mentioned on the Phile last Monday, that you were one of the people that Facebook said had died... hahaha. I said if it would of showed up on my Facebook everyone would of believed it. When you saw it what was the first thing you thought?

Jeff: Checking my pulse. Yup. Still here. Well, I'm glad neither one of us is dead. I first saw it happen to a friend of mine from college. He posted about it so I went to check and said, "Damn, I'm dead."

Me: Well, I'm glad you are alive, my friend. Not only are you here to talk football but you're today's pheatured guest. Anyway, today's entry comes from Clermont Comic Con. You're a big fan of comics, right? Do you still collect them?

Jeff: I'm pulling double duty this week. Excellent. Yes, I still collect comics. Not as much as I used to, but I still pick up a few comics. Right now I'm collecting the new series of "Green Arrow" and "Flash" since they rebooted the comic books.

Me: I don't know if I asked you this before here but are you a DC or Marvel fan?

Jeff: I like both. It's hard to argue with so many iconic heroes (and villains) on both sides. But I guess now I'm more into DC comics but prefer the Marvel movies.

Me: And you love comic book movies as well, right?

Jeff: It's true. I love comic book movies. To me the best comic book movie and # 2 all time on my list is the first Avengers movie.

Me: You are more of a comedy movie fan I think though. What's your favorite comedy movie, Jeff?

Jeff: It's Clerks. Because duh. Clerks is awesome.

Me: Ever see Hero at Large? I loved that movie. Hahaha.

Jeff: I don't think I've seen Hero at Large. I will have to look for it.

Me: I'm wearing a "The Greatest American Hero" t-shirt. Are you too young to remember that show?

Jeff: I'm not nearly as young as you think I am. "Greatest American Hero" was awesome and to this day is my second favorite TV theme song behind "Dukes Of Hazzard." Besides, an early episode of "Greatest American Hero" had Andre The Giant on it!

Me: Alright, enough of this geek talk... let's talk about football. Did you see the new Footlocker commercial with Tom Brady mocking Deflagate?

Jeff: Yeah, I saw the commercial. It was all over the shows on ESPN yesterday. It's kind of funny, but it also kind of shows Brady basically giving a giant middle finger to the NFL. I appreciate it though. 

Me: I have to mention Rob Gronkowski and his punctured lung. I don't like him or his team but that sucks, right? Do you think he'll be out for the rest of the season?

Jeff: Gronk just can't keep himself healthy. If it's not one thing or another. Yeah, I would think that something like that will keep him out until at least the playoffs, if not the rest of the season. I don't like New England but I do like Gronk.

Me: I have to mention my boy Odell Beckham... did you see his Michael Jackson's "Thriller" dance after the touchdown catch?

Jeff: His "Thriller" dance was good. Not nearly as good as mine during the days of the Cast Appreciation days. Not to humble brag or anything.

Me: Hahaha. I knew you were gonna say that. I have a screen shot of you from a video...

Me: Hahahaha. So, the Browns slide into the college playoff pic as three teams lose. Hahaha.

Jeff: No, Cleveland is now not even in considering the the college playoffs. I think the NFL is planning on giving them a 14 point lead to start the game. Not that it would matter. They'd blow that too.

Me: Hey, did you know Kansas City Chiefs are changing their name to the Chefs? Here's the new logo...

Jeff: To quote the old Snickers commercial... "that's great, but who are the Chefs? Great Googly Moogly!"

Me: Alright, so, I have to ask you of you heard that the Jaguars might be moving to Orlando? What do you think?

Jeff: There's a lot of things happening in Orlando. They are getting the NFL Pro Bowl this season. And just to throw in my second wrestling reference of the day, they are also getting Wrestlemania again. Both events happening in the Citrus Bowl. It's huge for the city. I think Orlando has proven that they are a good sports city with the support the Magic get even when they play more like the Tragic.

Me: Any other NFL news, Jeff?

Jeff: I think the biggest news of the week is Tony Romo admitting that Dax Prescott deserves to be the Cowboys quaterbackwhen Romo comes back. It's not easy to say another man deserves his job.

Me: Okay, let's talk about last week's picks... how did we do? With the Giants winning and the Steelers losing I should be gaining on you again.

Jeff: Good news for you! You had a 2-0 week with a Giants win while I had a 1-1 week with a Steelers crushing defeat. Because of that we are now tied with 26 points. I have more predictions right, but the Giants have 2 more wins than Pittsburgh. So yeah, we're tied. Grumble grumble grumble.

Me: Yay! Let's do this week's picks... I say Vikings by one and Kansas City Chefs by eight. What do you say?

Jeff: I'm going with the Gronkless Patriots by seven and Miami by three.

Me: Alright, I'll talk to you in a minute about your book and I will see you back here on the Phile to talk football next Sunday.

Jeff: Yup. I will be right here. Talk to you in a second.

So, being here at Clermont Con I think it's time to bring back the Peverett Phile Art Gallery. The 32nd artist to be pheatured in the Phile's Art Gallery is named Merk and this is one of his pieces.

That's so great! Merk will be a guest on the Phile in a few weeks. Being here at this Con I thought it would be fun to bring back a friend of the Phile who is pretty popular. He's a bounty hunter by day and stand-up comedian by night, but today he's doing comedy in the afternoon. Please welcome back to the Phile...

Me: Hey, Tractor, welcome back to the Phile.

Tractor: Okay, blogger scum.

Me: That's not nice. Anyway, do you have a joke for us?

Tractor: Which Imperial officer hated Thanksgiving?

Me: I'm not sure.

Tractor: Grand Moff Turkeyn.

Me: That's really bad. Give us another...

Tractor: What did the sweet potato say to Luke Skywalker?

Me: Ummm... I dunno. What?

Tractor: "I yam your father!"

Me: Ugh. Okay, Tractor, one more...

Tractor: What did the Jedi Council do on Thanksgiving?

Me: I don't know.

Tractor: They watched Mace's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Me: Yes! Brilliant! That one is great! Well done! Tractor Beam, everyone!

Tractor: Thank you. Don't eat the bantha.

The Hunger Games
The Hunger Games is a 2012 film about teenagers killing each other with bows and arrows instead of texting while driving.

Today's pheatured guest is a Phile Alum whose new book "Paranormal Contact Vol. 3" is now available on Amazon. Please welcome back to the Phile my great friend... Jeff Trelewicz!

Me: Hey, Jeff, welcome back as the pheatured guest. What's up?

Jeff: It's always great to be back here on the Phile as a a pheatured guest. Thanks for having me again.

Me: Alright, congrats on your new book "Paranormal Contact Vol. 3." Is this the last of the series, Jeff, with these characters?

Jeff: Yeah, this is going to be the last official book in the "Paranormal Contact" series, The series itself is over, but might we see the characters again? Yeah. I will admit that in "Volume 3" I have set up a possible spin off series that would allow me to bring back some of the characters.

Me: Aren't you gonna miss these people?

Jeff: Yeah, I will certainly miss the characters. It was fun writing a trilogy. Considering these characters have been in three of my five books that I have published, I have enjoyed writing them.

Me: When you started the "Paranormal Contact" series did you know there was gonna be just three books?

Jeff: Originally, I was only going to do the first book. After all, the first one is based off a prior screenplay I had written. But when I decided to continue the series, I thought I would end it as a trilogy. I'm a big fan of trilogies in movies, so I wanted to create a world that I knew I could get three good stories out of.

Me: I noticed on Amazon that the first book is called "Paranormal Contact Vol 1: Phoenix" and the second book is "Paranormal Contact Vol. 2: St. Augustine." Is that new?

Jeff: The reason why I added "Phoenix" and "St. Augustine" to the titles was due to an error when I was setting up the Amazon page for the second book. I didn't do it right and there was confusion. I also didn't do it right this time around either, so I might have to add to the title of the third one as well.

Me: Out of all three books which one is your favorite?

Jeff: Of the trilogy?

Me: Yeah.

Jeff: I think "Volume 2" is my favorite. St. Augustine is one of my favorite places and the place is just ripe with stories to be told. More than the other two, the town of St. Augustine is as much a character in the book.

Me: Do you think your writing is getting better the more you write, Jeff?

Jeff: I have definitely grown as a writer with each book. The first book had very little descriptions, it was almost all dialogue. The second book had descriptions but it got repetitive. That's the key to being a good writer. Making sure you improve each time around.

Me: I still think you should write a book about working at Disney. I think that would be a pretty funny book.

Jeff: Trust me, the thought has occurred to me to write a book about a theme park. I have an an idea for a story that I might write one of these days that takes place in a theme park. I'd have to be careful not to be too close to Disney due to copyright issues. But we'll see!

Me: How long did it take you to write this latest book, Jeff?

Jeff: I officially began writing "Paranormal Contact Vol. 3" in May just after the release of "The Time Traveler's Journal." So roughly about four to five months between releases.

Me: Okay, this new book takes place in Pines Barrens, New Jersey. I don't think I know where that is... is it a real place?

Jeff: Yes, The Pine Barrens is a real place. It's not a town, but the name given to the wooded areas around that particular part of New Jersey.

Me: In all your books you wrote about places you have been to, am I right?

Jeff: I wrote "Paranormal Contact Vol. 1" before I was actually in Phoenix, but I have been to both St. Augustine and close to the Pine Barrens in New Jersey before I wrote "Vol. 2" and "Vol. 3" respectively.

Me: It makes it easier that way I am guessing... less research. Do you do a lot of research for your books?

Jeff: Yeah, certain aspects of books do require some research. For example in "Time Traveler's Journal" I had to research different gun styles for a scene I wrote where the main character bought a gun. I did a lot of research for "Paranormal Contact Vol. 1" since at the time I hadn't been to Phoenix yet, so I wanted to make sure I had the area accurate.

Me: So, what's your next book you are working on gonna be called or about?

Jeff: I don't have a name for my next book, but it will be a huge departure for me. Because believe it or not, my next book will be an anthology series aimed for children. I have two short stories that I have started but I'm looking for other ideas as well.

Me: I have an idea for a book that I might get published... a novel. Maybe I'll work on it soon.

Jeff: Well, you know i will do whatever I can to help you get the book out there. I think you would make an excellent writer considering the life you've lead.

Me: Thanks. So, this year is the Phile's 10th anniversary year so I will ask you a question about the last ten years... what was the highlight of your life in the last ten years, Jeff?

Jeff: Hmm, wow. Well, my life has been a roller coaster the last ten years. I would say that one of my favorite memories of that time was when I was at my ten year anniversary at Disney. That was a fun night for sure!

Me: How long have we known each other this year? More than ten years I know.

Jeff: We're going on almost 17 years if you can believe that. I started at Disney in 2000!

Me: Wow! Mention where readers can hear the podcast and any other website you wanna mention. Take care, and I'll see you here next Sunday to talk football.

Jeff: The best website to find out about my books is or you can check out my blog at Thanks for having me on again!

Me: Of course!

That about does it for this freaking cool entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guest Jeff Trewlwicz and thanks to the crew at Clermont Comic Con. I will do the Phile from here next year as well. The Phile will be back tomorrow with singer Harrison Caldeira. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Tooting is the best! Bye, love you, bye. Now to shop!

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

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