Wednesday, November 23, 2016

My Phorty-Eighth Birthday Special Entry Pheaturing Phile Alum Robert A. Medeiros From The Clarences

Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for my 48th birthday. Happy birthday to me. Hahaha. How are you? I am now old enough to remember what it was like to poop without a smartphone. Do you know what birthday's are? They are the day celebrating the day your face rubbed your mother's vagina. It's true. I've reached the age where my face always looks as tired as my body always feels. Y'know, getting older is mainly just adding to the list of foods I can no longer eat. Chewbacca aged better than me. But one good thing... I'm finally getting old enough to have excuse for being bad at sex. Enough about me... what is going on in the news? We'll start off with a sweet story.
Ben Millar, an Irish man currently living in Houston, Texas, got generous tip from a patron who wants him to take his new family home for the holidays. According to Irish new source, Millar, an expectant father, was waiting on a man named Jeffrey at a restaurant when the two started talking about Irish rock band U2. Jeffrey told Ben he recently visited Ireland, and Ben responded that he wishes he could get home for a weekend to visit family, but "thought nothing of it." When he came to collect his check, Millar found this.

His immediate reaction? "Holy shit!" The picture of the receipt was shared on Facebook by Millar's girlfriend Taryn Keith, who is currently pregnant with their son, Killian. The baby is due January 20th, so Millar and Keith won't be able to make it to Ireland in time for Christmas, but are planning on visiting as soon as their son is old enough to fly. Keith told reporters, "I think it's a blessing and it couldn't have happened to a better guy than him. He works really hard. He's pretty stressed right now with money and the baby coming, so this just made his whole year. It's good to know that there are kind people in the world." Unfortunately the generous donor slipped away before Millar had the opportunity to thank him, but the couple is hoping that by sharing the story, Jeffrey will see how much his gesture meant to them.
When 16-year-old teen Rhett Butler asked for coffee on his Virgin Australia flight in May 2015, he didn't say "please pour it directly on my groin." And yet, that's where the coffee ended up. According to an AAP report in "The Guardian," the teen is now suing the airline after a hot cup of coffee slid off a defective tray table onto his lap, allegedly causing "burns, blisters and scarring to his thighs, groin, genitals and midriff." Owwwwwwwwch. The incident happened shortly after take off during a 15-hour flight from Los Angeles to Sydney, which is a long time to sit after getting your groin burned. The lawsuit also claims that the flight crew did nothing to help and Rhett's father, Brian Butler, ended up having to provide medical assistance to his son throughout the flight. "It was excruciating and probably the worst pain I have ever felt," Butler said in a statement issued by Shine Lawyers. "It hit my stomach, my groin and my legs. I ran to the toilet and dad immediately started putting cold water on the burns." A statement from the family's lawyer alleges that the wounds took three months to heal, "with the emotional scarring going well beyond the burns." Virgin Australia confirmed that the incident occurred and added that the matter "has not yet been resolved."Can poor Rhett Butler catch a break? First his parents name him Rhett Butler and then he gets hot coffee burns on his groin. On a positive note, as least there were no snakes on the plane.
Things are not going great for Kanye West lately... he acted bizarrely at a few recent shows on his "Saint Pablo" tour (I know, I know, Kanye acting weird? You don't say), including going on a rant about Jay Z and Beyoncé, and ultimately canceling the rest of the tour altogether. Then yesterday he was taken to the hospital on a 5150 psychiatric hold (involuntary hospitalization) after allegedly attempting to assault someone at the gym. But one good aspect of the whole 5150 thing is that, according to TMZ, it might end up saving the rapper millions of dollars he would otherwise owe to the venues for canceling. In fact, he might still get paid for the shows he's not performing. TMZ is reporting that West canceling those shows not only means he would lose the approximately $30 million from ticket sales, he would also owe money to the venues at which he was slated to perform. Except it turns out that West's insurance policy covers him if illness is the reason he's unable to perform. So if it's proven that "accident or illness... prevents any Insured Person from appearing or continuing to appear in any or all of the Insured Performance(s) or Event(s)," West will still get the money he would have made from the remainder of the tour, and he won't be on the hook to the venues. Interesting!
The staff of the Rufus T Firefly, a pub in Glasgow, Scotland, decided to have some fun at the expense of a guy who may not be a regular customer, but is certainly regular. After noticing that a certain well-dressed man would come in at least three days a week after work, head straight to the bathroom, and leave immediately while avoiding eye contact, manager Will Jamieson decided to reach out to him the only way he could: on the pub's chalkboard.

For anyone not familiar with Scottish euphemisms, a "wee jobby" means a bowel movement, which makes this guy's crime so much more heinous. But despite how harshly he called out this serial pooper, Jamieson insists that the sign was just a light-hearted gag. He told the "Morning Advertiser, "It was a joke at the expense of bad etiquette... There's no issue. If somebody needs to use the toilet then I'm not going to stop them. We thought we'd put it on the board, he'll see it but at the same time it doesn't give his identity away to anyone else. It was a wee joke to that one particular individual. We've never told anyone that they can't use the toilet." And Jamieson never intended the sign to go viral on the Internet, but of course it has. Someone unaffiliated with the pub shared an image on the popular Facebook page Scotland by the Roadside, where it has received more than 2,000 likes. It has also vastly elevated the Rufus T Firefly's online presence, as Jamieson explained, "In terms of our social media traffic it's blown up big time. The phone goes every five minutes with people following us on Twitter and Instagram, liking us on Facebook and checking in." This might be more bad news for the Wee Jobby Bandit. Will he keep frequenting the pub once there's a line for the bathroom? It seems like he doesn't like to wait.
WTF are Hatchimals, the toy every kid wants for the holidays that's selling out? Hatchimals are bird-type creatures you coax out of an egg and eventually train to talk and play games. It's only November, but they're already sold out. Let the panic begin. Aside from the egg and the fact that your kid won't know which one they're going to get until it has hatched, it's unclear how this is different that our Furbies of yore. Still, Hatchimals have already created an international panic as parents are finding out that the toy they need to get for Christmas is already sold out before Thanksgiving. Hatchimals makers Spin Master swears this isn't a publicity stunt. This pop-up is the first thing you'll see when you go to their site.

 Whether this is just a greedy ploy or an accident, if a Hatchimals was on your kid's list, you've only got two options: either put yourself on a waiting list and teach your kid the value of patience, or shove a Furby into a giant plastic Easter egg and hope for the best.
You know, most of my years on this planet people have made fun of my last name... Peverett. Well, seeing other people's names it could be a lot worse.

Smelley Phile does have a crazy ring to it though. That new Star Wars movie comes out soon and we know Darth Vader is gonna be in it, but did you know Boba Fett is as well? They look a little bit different in this one.

They look kinda cool. Shit, I haven't mentioned Trump yet. Did you know he has a new TV show coming out? Here's the ad for it...

Haha. Something bad happened at Trump Tower in New York City today...

Oh, man. So, last few entries I showed you some real Star Wars sex toys. Well, I have another to show you.

I thought it was a banana at first.

Hahaha. If you spot the Mindphuck let me know.

The 53rd book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Phile Alum and author Jim Korkis will be a guest on the Phile a week from Monday.

The 32nd artist to be pheatured on the Phile is name Merk and this is one of hos pieces...

That's so great! I have to find out if it on a t-shirt.

Today's Alum guest is the leader and founder of the band The Clarences and one of my favorite guests ever. Please welcome back to the Phile for my little birthday entry... Robert A. Medeiros.

Me: Hello, Robert, welcome back to the Phile. How have you been?

Robert: Howdy! Good to be back (or front or sideways)! Thanks for having me! All is okay! You?

Me: Hanging in there. Okay, so, it's not only the Phile's 10th anniversary but your band The Clarences' as well, right?

Robert: Happy Anniversary! What's the actual date?

Me: January 8th.

Robert: We turned 10 on April 23rd, 2016!

Me: I have been asking my Alum guests what they were doing ten years ago in 2006... so, what were you doing?

Robert: Waiting to do this 10th anniversary interview.....

Me: The Clarences started off as a full band but now it's just three of you. Do you like that better? Who are the two girls in the band, Robert?

Robert: The first 5 years, we were a full band. The last 5 years, it has been me, Erin Shannon, Leslie Outhier and my 1980s Casio keyboard. The last 5 years has been fun and so easy (it only takes 1 minute to setup for a performance)! This is in no way any disrespect to the band members I had in the first 5 years. I also have to give Krystal Willis props! She was the the first band member (just before Erin & Leslie joined) in the Casio era of The Clarences!

Me: I have to admit you're one of my favorite guests here as I never know what you're gonna say. Are you always like that?

Robert: Aww... thanks! Yes. No. Maybe. Or, like Mr. Hand said, "I DON'T KNOW."

Me: So, in the past I asked you where the name The Clarences came from and you said you weren't gonna say but it has something to do with Eddie Murphy. Well, I figured it out. It's from a sketch on "Saturday Night Live" where he was the "5th Beatle." Am I right? His name in that sketch was Clarence Walker. Ha! I think I cracked it.

Robert: Yes. You got it! Now I have to kill you.

Me: Ugh. Haha. So, The Clarences are still playing and doing shows, right?

Robert: Yes.

Me: How many songs in The Clarences set list are they?

Robert: Eighteen. Our songs are only a minute or so long.

Me: Do you still do the theme song to "The Great Space Coaster"?

Robert: No.

Me: When I did a months worth of entries dedicated to that show (because you suggested it) that was one of the most popular months ever. So, thank you!

Robert: Wow! Cool! Welcome! You made Gary Gnu very proud!

Me: What other shows did you watch as a kid, Robert?

Robert: "Super Friends," "3-2-1 Contact," "Zoom," "Doctor Who," "Captain Kangaroo," "The Muppet Show," "New Zoo Revue," "The Incredible Hulk," "Laff-A-Lympics," "The Blue Falcon & Dynomutt," "Kids Are People Too," "NFL On NBC," "The NFL Today" and the educational shows that would come on PBS from late morning to early afternoon on weekdays like "Thinkabout," etc...

Me: I know you're into wrestling quite a bit. Do you have a famous wrestler?

Robert: LOVE IT!! All-time: Rowdy Roddy Piper! Current: Enzo & Big Cass! Still watch "Monday Night Raw," "Smackdown Live" and "NXT" every week!

Me: And you're a big Kiss fan? Is that why you wear the eye make up?

Robert: Yes! Though, I'm not a fan of Kiss of the past 15 years with Cheater Criss aka Eric Singer & Fake Frehley aka Tommy Thayer! Nobody should be wearing Peter Criss & Ace Frehley's makeup except Peter and Ace! I am a huge fan of their 1973-1983 period. Yes, Kiss and wrestling has an influence on why I wear makeup onstage. Plus, I love the mystery of not knowing what somebody looks like... Kiss in the 70s, Darth Vader before the end of Return Of The Jedi, Boba Fett, Cobra Commander, Zoltar from "Battle Of The Planets" and the Zodiac Killer are examples of this!

Me: What's your favorite Kiss song or album?

Robert: "Torpedo Girl." "Music From The Elder."

Me: And you're a Cowboys fan... are you originally from Texas?

Robert: Yes! Since 1977! Nope!

Me: I'm a Giants fan, Robert. That's a big rivalry going on there. The Giants are a better team though, right? Hahahaha.

Robert: I know you are. How did you become a Giants fan?

Me: Because I grew up in New York.

Robert: Yuck!!!! Yes, the San Francisco Giants are a better team NOT the New York Giants!

Me: Bullshit. Hahaha. Okay, we have to talk about your radio show or podcast... Bob's Radio Cafeteria. How long have you been doing that show?

Robert: A few years.

Me: Which is it? Radio show or podcast?

Robert: Potato, potatoe. Quail, Dan Quayle.

Me: When I first started the Phile I didn't do interviews... it was only till two years after that I started to. You didn't start to do interviews on your show at first, right?

Robert: Left.

Me: Ummm... Out of all your interviews what one was your favorite? Y

Robert: Yeah, What One was definitely my fave! He was candid, fun and honest!

Me: Ha! How do you get in touch with the people you interview? How do you select them?

Robert: I am not allowed to touch any of them due to an ongoing lawsuit (and tie). I select them through a police lineup.

Me: Is there anyone you wish you could interview?

Robert: George Parasol, Ringo Stone and Paul McCharmly!

Me: Has anyone turned you down? I have been turned down for interviews quite a few times.

Robert: Just when I was listening to the radio. How dare anyone turn you down! Oh wait... didn't I turn you down every single time?!?

Me: Ha! So, what do you prefer to do the most? Play with The Clarences or the radio show?

Robert: Play with my toys with The Clarences, Bob's Radio Cafeteria & Bob's Video Cafeteria!

Me: Do you see any of them coming to an end?

Robert: Bob's Video Cafeteria will be ending with the next episode (#20)... the other 2... no. 

Me: Will The Clarences be recording any new music sometime?

Robert: Hopefully.

Me: Alright, so, where can a Phile reader listen to Bob's Radio Cafeteria, Robert?


Me: Go ahead and plug your websites and anything else you wanna plug. I hope this was fun and I hope you'll come back on the Phile again soon. Take care, Robert.

Robert:,, Instagram/theclarences. Thanks SO much, Peverett! You're a good egg, just a little hard boiled! Of course... we are at your service anytime! We appreciate the opportunity! The Peverett Phile rules!!!!

That about does it for this short but sweet entry. Thanks to Robert for being today's guest. The Phile will be back on Sunday with actor Ricky DiMaio. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

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