It's The Great Trumpkin, Peverett Phile Pheaturing Bones Howell

Hello, there, welcome to the Phile on Halloween! I feel like a big giant banana for some reason. At least I'm appealing. I hope people mistakenly believe my crappy, last-minute, thrown-together Halloween costume is supposed to be Lady Gaga. If you want to visit a real graveyard this Halloween, just log back in to Google Plus. The scariest thing about Halloween is that stores are already selling Christmas merchandise. Actually, nothing on Halloween will be scarier than this election. Just a reminder, kids, that this year we should only fear the sight of one scary clown...

It's the great Trumpkin! You know who needs more attention? Donald Trump. It's like you barely ever hear about this guy anymore. Thankfully, Ohio artist and hero Jeanette Paras has put the poor guy back in the spotlight with her news-making Donald Trump pumpkin. Sure, we've seen Trumpkins before, but Paras took this shit next level by transforming a 374-lb pumpkin into Trump's noggin. It's reportedly still slightly smaller than his actual head, which is freakin' huge.

Paras, who's been cranking out celebrity pumpkins since before Taylor Swift was born, said the Trumpkin took her over 10-hours to paint, and she used six blonde wigs to replicate The Donald's signature comb-over. Paras Pumpkins, you're fired. Just kidding, Trumpkin for President!
This is 22-year-old Brooke Bogin.

This pic is the epitome of Taylor Swift's "22." As a senior at James Madison University, Brooke has left her parents all alone to do whatever they wanted for Halloween, and what they wanted was to start enjoying their wild side. Brooke's dad and came up with this pun-tastic couple's Halloween costume, and well...

Wait for it... Pickle deer? Cucumber Bambi? Almost... It's a Dill cucumber and a doe. Dildo. Get it?While a lot of kids would be hiding in their dorms until Halloween was over, Brooke tweeted out their costume proudly, and her familial admiration was rewarded with 18K retweets and over 54K likes. Thanks to Brooke and her parents, this could become the couple's costume of the year. More than just copying the costume idea, people are excited about copying the successful marriage. Congrats, adorable family. You not only proved that people still love puns, but that dildos can definitely help a marriage.
Halloween 2016 was shaping up to be pretty awful... nothing but Harambe and Ken Bone costumes... but this teenager took one for the team and got her head stuck in a gigantic pumpkin while carving jack-o'-lanterns.

For this brave service, we cannot hope to thank her enough. Behold, in an instant classic of seasonal virality, her struggle to gain freedom from the monstrous gourd as the rest of the family laughs and sort of, kind of, barely even pretends to help. But fear not! She did escape, and, although pouty, did not seem too much the worse for wear. As for the brother who then dared to try the pumpkin on for himself, claiming that his head was smaller than his sister's, well... R.I.P.
It's Halloween today and you still might not have a costume ready for your kids. I gave you some advice a week ago or so on what you should do, but in case you missed that here's some more easy children's Halloween costumes for the DIY-challenged. For a burrito wrap foil around child until child is not visible. How about a generic superhero? Use a Sharpie to draw first letter of child's name on an old pillowcase. Tie pillowcase around child's neck. This costume also builds character. Add goggles if you're some kind of creative genius. Olympic swimmer? Bathing suit. Just throw a coat on top if it's cold out. Overprotected child? Helmet, knee pads, participation trophy. Bonus: your kid will be really safe all night. If you go as the kid's helicopter mom, it's a two-for-one deal. How about a Fireman? Start a small fire in a room in your house you don't use very much. When firemen arrive, ask if you can borrow their hat and place hat on child. Take some photos to send to grandma. Here's a good one... Extraterrestrial masquerading as a human to gather intelligence on our species. Just put on ordinary street clothes with something slightly amiss, like a sweater worn inside-out. Or whatever your child actually wants to be this year Drive to store, purchase costume. Eat candy. Congrats, you're the mom of the year.
The only thing worse than getting raisins while trick-or-treating would be given this fake 1 million dollar bill that tells you that you're going to hell. Also, apples.

Anti-Halloween creationist groups are hawking these fake bills to children who show up for candy on Halloween night, and although the dinosaur on the front is pretty neat, the message on the back is really scary... and not in the good way. 'Have you ever lied? Have you ever taken anything that didn't belong to you? Have you always obeyed your parents? If you have ever hated someone, the Bible says that's like committing murder in your heart. The Ten Commandments show us how bad we really are, and they are the standard God will use to judge our lives. One day, God will punish all people who have broken any of the Ten Commandments. They will be sent to a place called 'hell,' a really bad place that you don't want to go to." In other words: no fun allowed. Well, that's one way to ensure your house gets egged. Parents, make sure while you are checking your kid's candy that you also keep your eyes peeled for propaganda handed out by religious zealots!
You know, nothing says "Florida" quite like flamingo Halloween decorations...

Crazy Florida. I mentioned the Trumpkins already, which is this years newest trend. Well, here's another one...

That's pretty good. Yes, I'm a giant banana this Halloween but I had another great idea that someone already took...

I just don't have the arse for it. Guess what Hillary Clinton is dressing up as today...

Bring me assange and the Wiki. Ha! Hey, Donald Trump has a new movie out!

Hmmmm. And now for some sad news...

John Zacherle 
September 26th, 1918 — October 27th, 2016
Ex-Zacherle the Dead Ghoul now.

Ha! If you can spot this Mindphuck please let me know.

It's 11:20 a.m., 78° and Kelly went as Sia for Halloween, and Kelly didn't just dress up as Sia... She sang like her, too.

Stupid Sia.

Halloween
Halloween is an annual holiday celebrated by pretending to be a person you're not somewhere other than on your resume.

Today's guest is a member of the babd Bones Howell whose CD "Whose Voodoo" is available on iTunes and Bandcamp. Please welcome to the Phile... Bones Howell.

Me: Hello, Bones, welcome to the Phile. Happy Halloween.

Bones: Happy Halloween.

Me: So, did you know there's a band from Williamsburg called Bones Howell? They were originally The Volunteers but changed their name.

Bones: The Volunteers was a band that some of the members of Bones Howell, including myself was a part of.

Me: Ahhh. Well, you did a cool song called "Fuck My Ghost." So, again I'm confused about the band name... Bones Howell is not your band name but your name, right?

Bones: Bones Howell is a band as well as my name. It's not the same group as The Volunteers.

Me: Ahhh... Anyway, I do like "Fuck My Ghost."

Bones: Thanks for appreciating our song "Fuck My Ghost."

Me: So, you changed the band name?

Bones:
We had to change our name to Bones Howell due to the impossibility to find the band Volunteers on Google or Yahoo search. Plus there were a few other bands before and after us who are calling themselves The Volunteers however Bones Howell is a name completely unique to our band and we feel it is much more fitting to our sound anyways.
Me: That makes sense. So, who else is in the band?

Bones: Dark Cave, Woodchip and Tomer are in the band. We also have a guest collaborator on drums named George Gavin.

Me: I take it those are not their real names. LOL. Where is the band based, Bones?

Bones: We are based in Brooklyn.

Me: Is that where you are originally from?

Bones: Yeah.

Me: I downloaded your cover of Bauhaus' "Hair of the Dog" and think you should cover Nazareth's "Hair of the Dog" song as well. What do you think?

Bones: We do are not interested in covering any Nazareth songs at this time thanks.

Me: How did you choose to cover that song, Bones?

Bones: The Bauhaus cover was something we were asked to do by Daniel Ash management as part of an upcoming Bauhaus tribute album.

Me: And you worked with Daniel Ash as well, right? Did he produce the song, or anything else? 

Bones: Around that same time we had the opportunity to work with Daniel Ash on a remix of one of our songs "Nephritis."

Me: You guys have a new album called "Whose Voodoo" which I really liked. Did you produce it yourself?

Bones: I produced it myself and engineered it myself with the help of a handful of talented people. We ended up at Sunset Sound in Los Angeles California with Joe Chiccarelli as mix engineer.

Me: You guys had a few problems getting the album made is that right?

Bones: "Whose Voodoo" was made with major label money to the tune of 150K. We were dropped from our label a few days before the album was getting ready for completion. After much legal wrangling and carrot dangling the label granted us full ownership of the masters to our record on the condition that we do not discuss the case or publicly name the record label in question. Thankfully by the time we were dropped our album was already mixed to analog tape at Sunset Sound by mix legend Joe Chiccarelli and mastered by mastering goddess Emily Lazar. Maybe our former record company does not know it, but we know that our album is one of the greatest unreleased albums of all time. The emotional depth and veracity of every single song on this record is stunning. There is no other band in existence that sounds like Bones Howell. We have no peers.

Me: Well, congrats. I watched the video for your song "BBQ" and it looked like it was a lot of fun to make. Was it?

Bones: The video for "BBQ" was extremely fun to make, the director Gabe Rosenn did a great job of making our ideas come to life.

Me: What was the concept of it, Bones?

Bones: The concept was G.G. Allin crashes a hipster barbecue. 

Me: Do you like making videos?

Bones: I absolutely do like making videos. Its a great way to get the musical concept across with a visual element.

Me: I imagine your shows are high energy. What is a normal show of Bones Howell like, Bones? 

Bones: Our shows are extremely high energy. There is no such thing as a normal Bones Howell show because we are totally insane.

Me: Okay, I know you know don't like doing interviews so I really appreciate you being here for this Halloween entry. Please come back when the new album comes out and I wish you lots of luck and continued success and please come down to Florida to play.

Bones: Thank you for your kind words and support!

Me: All the best, and take care.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Bones Howell for a short but great interview. He doesn't do too many. The Phile will be back on Thursday with Phile Alum Richard Rivera, the creator of the comic book "Stabbity Bunny." Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Have a safe Halloween. Now I'm gonna act like a banana and split.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

Pheaturing Matt Steckler From Dead Cat Bounce

Hey there, welcome to the Phile for a Thursday morning. How are you? I'm not gonna begin to tell you how I feel. You kids don't need to hear that shit. I have to start off with a story that made me scratch my head. Some of us are forced to endure tragedies before we can appreciate life's lessons. Others of us just need to read about them in notes left by complete strangers, like this one addressed to "whoever owns this car."

A powerful message indeed. Maybe someday that driver will be telling his child, "Please learn how to park. Don't put other drivers through what I put this driver through." I'm not gonna tell you whose car this note was left on. October is Black History Month in the U.K. This year, the student union at the University of Kent decided to choose several prominent people to serve as the face of the campaign on campus. Amongst those famous faces was former member of One Direction, Zayn Malik. Zayn Malik is not black. Another choice for the campaign was London mayor Sadiq Khan.Sadiq Khan is not black. Amidst the backlash, a Twitter account representing "the Official U.K. guide to the events and people who make every October worth celebrating" registered their deep disappointment in the choices, chiding the Kent Student Union by asking "will Black icons be celebrated by Kent University" during Asian Heritage Month? The president of the student union behind the posters, Rory Murray, apologized on Facebook. His apology did not, however, mollify much of the anger directed at Kent University. According to the BBC, the Kent Union and the University of Kent also released a "joint statement" saying their "campaign was in line with the National Union of Students' position on Black History Month which chose to 'recognise and celebrate the immense contributions that people of African, Arab, Asian and Caribbean heritage make to humanity.'"
According to Deadline, at about 5:45a.m. on Wednesday morning, a man dressed as a construction worker destroyed Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame with a sledgehammer and a pick-ax. The aggravated Trump protester told Deadline that his name is Jamie Otis. Otis said that he is "disgusted" by Trump and that "4 or 5 women" in his family have been sexually assaulted in the past. Otis says that his original intention was to remove the star and auction it off to raise money for the 11 women who have publicly accused the Republican nominee of assault. When Otis discovered that he couldn't remove the star in one piece, he just smashed it up until it looked like a broken eyeshadow. The star was bequeathed to Donald Trump in January 2007 for his work on "The Apprentice." Since Trump announced his candidacy in June 2015, his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame has been vandalized in many creative ways. It has been adorned with swastikas, had a "mute symbol" spray painted directly over it, and even had a miniature wall erected around it. Although Otis defaced the star, it will probably be fixed or replaced by some poor soul who probably doesn't even support Trump in the deeply blue state of California. Election day less than two weeks away, so maybe just drink some chamomile tea and chill out instead of risking being thrown in jail by destroying public property. Don't smash. Vote!
Misery loves company, but it's hard to find a fellow miserable soul when dating sites are about pretending that existential despair didn't bring you there in the first place. Enter Shaun Price, creator of DateMiserablePeople.com, a destination and app for singles who are tired of pretending that they like traveling, exercising, and themselves. "The majority of the sites, everybody's perfect," Price told "Arizona Family," "Everybody's got a beautiful picture, everybody loves to travel, everybody loves to hang out with their friends but that's not really who they are. Really who they are in their daily lives is really a different picture." After going through the trials and tribulations of all the dating sites and apps and services, Price felt "intimidation of feeling inadequate for the majority of people that have profiles posted on these sites." Enter Date Miserable People, which describes itself as "a place for people to come together and feel comfortable sharing their lifestyles, interest and concerns honestly." The site is a totally real thing, and has begun hosting speed dating events for people to vent and connect in cities all across the United States. In the land of the sad, it's even possible that being miserable can make you more desirable. Find your true love, kindred spirits. Find the Miserable Marius to your Miserable Cosette.
A strangely specific high school prophet may have predicted this year's miracle season for the Chicago Cubs back in 1993.

On Tuesday night, the long-cursed Cubbies played in the World Series for the first time since 1945. It's an event they haven't won since 1908, and their mere appearance in the Fall Classic has shocked longtime fans to tears. Meanwhile, this yearbook photo from 1993 shows that one guy, Michael Lee, apparently isn't surprised at all. Obviously, you're skeptical. Well, the Chicago media's covering the Cubs World Series like they might the moon landing, and any conspiracy theories are swiftly fact checked. A video on WGN shows the yearbook in question's cover and the photos inside, where a one Michael Lee appears to call the Cubs' win completely out of nowhere. And the Internet has rejoiced. But the words of the prophet, incredible as they are, won't be completely proven until the Cubs make good on the prediction by sealing the win. To ascertain the odds on that prospect, ask a Cubs fan about Steve Bartman.
So, did you guys ever watch read "The Hardy Boy's" books? I used to. There's one though that I saw the other day that I didn't know existed...

I bet that one is good. Do you ever see those family stick figure stickers on the back of cars? There's some of them that make me wonder...

Hmmmm. So, as I have been telling you CNN's graphic art department has been trolling Donald Trump for awhile. But so has MSNBC. Check it out...

Trump has an amazing trick that he's been showing off recently at his rallies.

So, this Halloween you will not just be seeing jack-o-lanterns, but a new trend called Trumpkins.

Ugh! And now for some sad news...

Bobby Vee
April 30th, 1943 — October 24th, 2016
The night now has 998 eyes.

Pete Burns
August 5th 1959 — October 23rd 2016
Dead, definitely dead.

That's for you, Rich. What a lame Mindphuck. If you spot it let me know. Okay, it's time to talk football with my good friend Jeff.

Me: Hey, Jeff, welcome back to the Phile. I lied... I said you'll be back Sunday but there'll be no entry on Sunday, so I'm having you back today on Thursday. Is your new book out?

Jeff: Always glad to be back on the Phile, even if you told me the wrong date! Hahaha. Yes, today is the release day for "Paranormal Contact Vol. 3."

Me: Congrats. I'll have you on the Phile as a pheatured guest soon... if you want.

Jeff: Of course I do. It's always great being a pheatured guest.

Me: So, before we talk football let's talk about baseball. We never talk baseball. What do you think of the Cubs making it to the World Series? Who are you rooting for? For histories sake I'm rooting for the Cubs.

Jeff: Just like you I'm rooting for the Cubs to win. The Red Sox know what it's like to have a long drought of not winning the World Series. It's agony. So it will be good to see if the Cubs can pull it off. Plus this series has ties to the 2004 Red Sox when they won. Our General Manager that year was Theo Epstein, who is now General Manager of the Cubs. Our manager? Terry Francona. He is now managing the Cleveland Indians.

Me: Jeff, did you see the game ticket prices for Cleveland sports? Indians: $1000, Cavaliers: Firstborn child, Browns: 7 Taco Bell wrappers.

Jeff: That's not what I saw. I saw the Browns will PAY YOU to see their game!

Me: Hahaha. Okay, football... are you surprised the Dolphins' Arian Foster is retiring? Why do you think it is?

Jeff: Talk about breaking news! I hadn't heard Foster is retiring. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with nagging injuries he's had over the last few years. His numbers over the past few years have declined. It's a shame, since he was such a great player.

Me: Sad to say but if I was a betting man I think the Giants' Beckham is gonna retire at the end of this year. Do you agree? If anyone wants to get me a Beckham jersey size XXL I wouldn't complain. Haha.

Jeff: Don't see Beckham retiring. He's young. He just needs to get his head on straight. Good luck getting that jersey!

Me: What other NFL news is going on?

Jeff: The Jets were tired of Ryan Fitzpatrick throwing interceptions. So they benched him for Geno Smith, who tore his ACL and will be out for the year. So Jets are stuck with Fitzpatrick again. The last undefeated team lost, that being the Vikings.

Me: We are into week 8 and people are starting to talk who they think will make it to the Super Bowl. I think the Falcons have a really good chance.

Jeff: The Falcons certainly have the offense to make it to the Super Bowl, but defenses win championships. I'm going to say Minnesota vs New England has a good chance. They are the teams with the best records in football right now.

Me: Do you know what's weird? The two cities with the worst football teams have the best baseball teams?

Jeff: That is weird. Also throw in the fact that the two cities that competed for the American League title were the same cities that competed for the Eastern Division in basketball. Cleveland vs Toronto. And Cleveland won both times!

Me: Okay, so, last week you were ahead by one. How did we do last week? I'm glad the Giants won in London.

Jeff: Giants won, Steelers lost last week. But I went 2-0 and you went 1-1. So I expanded my lead. Somewhere I did the math wrong, but I just double checked it. I lead by three. I have 8 wins (8 times 2 is 16) plus 4 wins for the Steelers gives me 20 points. You have 7 wins (7 times 2 is 14) plus three wins for the Giants gives you 17 points. I just wanted to show that the system was not rigged, only my math skills.

Me: Ugh! Fair enough. Let's do this week's picks... I say Bengals by four and Falcons by 3. What do you say?

Jeff: Both our teams have bye weeks this week, so it's up to our prediction skills to earn us points. I say Denver by six and Seattle by 3.

Me: Alright, great job as always. I'll see you here next Sunday if not before. Haha.

Jeff: Sounds good! I'll see you when I see you!

Ack! I apologize, people. Okay, so, comedy has been around for a long, long time and a friend of the Phile likes to come on here and tell some funny jokes. But, the problem is that he's so old no one understands what he's talking about... except me. I can translate for him. So, please welcome back to the Phile once again...

Me: Hello, Alan, welcome back to the Phile. So, what joke do you have for us today?

Alan: A booby of a country squire, who made an honest woman of his father's chamber-maid, bolted into the room when she was in labour, and blubbering over her with great tenderness, sobbed out that he was sorry she felt so much pain on his account. "Don't make thyself uneasy, love," said the wife, "I can't bear to see thee fret, for I'm sure it was not thy fault."

Me: Haha. What Alan was trying to say is... When a dumb guy's wife goes into labor, he apologizes for the pain he's causing her. But she's like, "Don't worry about it; it's probably not your baby." That's a good one, Alan. So, I was wondering, do you have a any poop jokes? People love poop jokes.

Alan: A man chiding his wife told her, that she could call nothing hers but her ring, fillet and hair-lace, nay, her very breech was none of hers. Which the good and harmless woman understanding one night, let something drop into the bed, which he having found out by the smell, ask'd her what was the cause of her so doing: she told him, that whilst she thought her breech hers, she had command over it; but being his, she could not rule another body's arse.

Me: Hmmm. A husband says he owns his wife's butt, so she shits in their bed and says she's not responsible because she doesn't own her ass. Man, that's horrible. That's more like a shitty joke. Alan Raglafart the 100-year-old comedian, everyone. Thanks, Alan.

Cleveland Browns
The Cleveland Browns are the Cleveland of football.

Today's pheatured guest is a member of the New York jazz band Dead Cat Bounce whose CD "Chance Episodes" is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Matt Steckler.

Me: Hello, Matt, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Matt: Fine, thank you. Where are you out of?

Me: Milk? What do you mean? Haha. I must admit your band Dead Cat Bounce is the best name I heard for a jazz band in a long time. It beats The Matt Steckler Trio or The Matt Steckler Quartet like a lot of jazz musicians call their bands. Wait, you don't have a band with those those names do you?

Matt: No, my other jazz groups are Persiflage  and Cello Pudding Pops, and a rock outfit called Lavender Jones and the Dead Giveaways.

Me: Where did the name Dead Cat Bounce come from? It sounds like it could be the name of a punk band, Matt.

Matt: I'll refer you to the blurb leading off your bio page: Presciently stripped from the headlines, the term dead cat bounce denotes a small, brief recovery in the price of a declining stock. To the artists in Dead Cat Bounce, it signifies one’s dedication to creative rebirth and renewal even as times, traditions and masters move on. The punk irreverence thing is what we go for, and it's gotten us in trouble before.

Me: You do play with other bands though, right? Who else do you play with?

Matt: Besides my groups listed above, I freelance a bit with, among friends: Hannis Brown, Doran Danoff, The Sidetracks, MC Frontalot, etc.

Me: Who is in the band with you?

Matt: Matt Steckler saxes, flute & compositions, Jared Sims: saxes, clarinet, Terry Goss: saxes Charlie Kohlhase: saxes, Dave Ambrosio: bass, Bill Carbone: drums.

Me: You guys are based in New York, right? What part?

Matt: Brooklyn, baby... no sleep 'til.

Me: Is that where you are from, New York?

Matt: We formed in Boston, some guys are still up there, I'm personally from Upstate, NY.

Me: Okay, in Dead Cat Bones you have four sax players... do you all play the same kinda sax, or different ones?

Matt: Different. Soprano alto tenor bari, sometimes doubling a/t, or flute clarinet.

Me: I interviewed a few sax players on the Phile and I always tell them the same story, on how I "played" sax in school and how much I hated it. What made you pick sax, Matt?

Matt: It takes a stubborn fellow to persevere... but the guy who demo-ed it in grade school was so cool, with the Gato Barbieri/zoot flowing hair and Bohemian hat thing going on.

Me: Do you have a favorite sax player?

Matt: So many, how to choose: for Sheer Tone, Charles Mariano; for melodic invention, Ornette Coleman and Johnny Hodgers; for raw power Oliver Lake; for groove... Maceo Parker; for a composer's player... Wayne Shorter.

Me: How many reeds do you go through?

Matt: A lot before I find one I like... once I have  four or five of those I milk 'em all year.

Me: Okay, let's talk about Dead Cat Bounce's CD "Chance Episodes." Where did that title come from?

Matt: "Memory's haphazard way of bringing to the fore seemingly unrelated events." In other words, "by chance." Some pieces come from personal experiences... either mine, or the band's as a group. Others suggest "ruminations on the fate of the world from a personal perspective."

Me: Did you write all the music for it, Matt, or do the other Cat's write stuff as well?

Matt: I write it all.

Me: I always wonder how song writers that write instrumental's come up with the song titles. How did you pick them, Matt?

Matt: Lately getting harder and hader... I comb the news, poetry magnets, or just personal or band-related events like in the case of "Chance Episodes." You have to be fearless to make a whole lot of sense.

Me: Also I have to ask you about the album cover... is that Abraham Lincoln? No, I don't think it is. Who is it?

Matt: Who knows... my dad is a collage/diorama/multimedia artist and he finds images everywhere.

Me: You have written music for film and plays, right? What do you like better? Do you prefer to write music for yourself?

Matt: Of course... I think music for it's own sake is the richest sonic experience. But I enjoy those other activities and like the teamwork involved and the whole art object as a gestalt in the end.

Me: I have to ask you about your new project Eco-Beat Heresy... is that your new band? Will you be releasing a new album with this band?

Matt: No, it's new work that Dead Cat Bounce is working on currently, with a totally different (group improv and electroacoustic/multimedia) compositional approach. we're in the formative stages which have been documented on my blog. It may become a CD or DVD one day.

Me: When it comes out, please come back onto the Phile, Matt. Thanks for being here this time, go ahead and plug your website and anything else you want. I wish you lots of luck and like I said, please come back.

Matt: When what comes out? The "Chance Episodes" CD is now out.

Me: The Eco-Beat Heresy CD.

Matt: Oh. How does the Phile work in terms of plugging, etc?

Me: I don't know... word of mouth? Dedicated readers?

Matt: Well, thanks for reaching out. My links are Dead Cat Bounce On Facebook, On ReverbNation On Sonicbids. Follow on Twitter. Make us a Pandora station!

Me: Alright, Matt. Continued success, sir.

Well, that does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Jeff Trelewicz and Matt Steckler. The Phile will be back on Monday... yes, Halloween with musician Bones Howell. So, spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

Pheaturing Shook Twins

Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. How are you? Let's start off with a story about
Eric Trump having no idea he got trolled by a t-shirt. Eric Trump has no basic understanding of Spanish, even when words are similar to English. Sad! Annie and Ceci Ardelle, two sisters in Salisbury, North Carolina, masterfully trolled Eric Trump at a rally in their hometown. The Ardelles are second-generation Americans of Cuban descent, and went to protest the most vampire-y Trump's campaign stop in a subtle and smooth way. Annie took a Sharpie to a white shirt and wrote "Latinas contra Trump," which translates to "Latinas against Trump." Eric's obliviousness is particularly hilarious because contra is a word that's used in English too, and anyone who reads the Latin alphabet could maybe infer that "con" is bad, as in "pros and cons." This isn't the first time this election cycle that political figures have been caught not reading big letters on t-shirts. Last September, Jeb! Bush ('member him?!) smiled with a group of kids in "Republicans for Sanders" shirts. There's no excuse for that one, Jebbie.
Sudbury, Ontario's Sainte-Anne-des-Pins Catholic Church is no stranger to vandalism, and their statue of baby Jesus has had its head knocked off more than once. About a year ago, however, the head went missing altogether, according to Father Gérard Lajeunesse. "I'm hoping it wasn't done out of malice," he told Sudbury.com. It might be somebody took on a challenge or whatever and the head fell off, and what do you do with this? A lot of things happen around here." Whatever the case, local artist Heather Wise soon noticed the incomplete sculpture and offered to fashion a replacement. Her attempt, rendered in clay, was... well, let's say "non-traditional."

Intended to be a placeholder until Wise could carve a head out of stone (a material she said she'd never worked with before), the temporary restoration drew some rather blistering reviews. Some critics compared the spiked creation to the infamously botched 2012 restoration of Ecce Homo, a Spanish fresco depicting Jesus with the crown of thorns, by an elderly amateur artist. That, too, went viral when unveiled. Probably for the best, since the viral buzz led to someone returning baby Jesus' original head, which was reattached and presented to parishioners at mass on yesterday. Replacing the statue altogether could have cost up to $10,000, so yeah, Father Gérard is pretty stoked. "It's a happy ending to pretty crazy week, it just goes to show that sometimes the internet works in your favor," the relieved priest said. Or, to put it more religiously: the Internet works in mysterious ways.
Quick note to all you dudes out there, because apparently there's been some confusion... Typically, a visit to the men's room shouldn't entail pissing all over the floor. Nor should it include clogging the toilet with paper towels, failing to throw garbage in the... what's that called?... oh yeah, garbage can, or doing anything that little note taped to the mirror politely asks you not to. But since you just can't seem to behave like halfway sanitary human beings in a bathroom you don't have to clean, janitors have to get creative. Like this one...

That little "thank you" at the end? Perfect. Guess manners aren't dead after all.
A Wisconsin resident named Chelsea Ferguson smeared peanut butter on 30 cars she thought belonged to Trump supporters as a dumb form of protest against the Republican nominee, according to The Huffington Post. Ferguson, who was intoxicated at the time of the incident, apparently mistook parked cars belonging to the members of the Tomorrow River Conservation Club as cars belonging to Trump supporters at a Trump rally. How she mixed those two things up, nobody knows. According to the police report, Ferguson entered the Conservation Club meeting yelling about her dislike for Trump. When club members requested she leave before they call law enforcement, and she complied with their requests. That is when she headed to her car and grabbed a family-size jar of low-sodium creamy natural Jif peanut butter and began drawing offensive symbols on the parked vehicles. Soon after, a witness called the cops. If only we had a recording of that 911 call. Officers took the Jif jar found in Ferguson’s apartment as evidence. Ferguson is now free on bail.
If you are planning on dressing up as Eleven from the Netflix hit "Stranger Things" this Halloween, you are definitely not alone. Clothing retailer Lyst conducted an analysis of it most popular searches, and found that people have been clamoring for pink Peter Pan-collared dresses and dark blue bomber jackets. Pair that with a shake-and-go blonde wing and your old gross sneakers and voilà! You got yourself a Halloween costume. This dress and this jacket in particular have been popular (the jacket has already seen 89% more views than last month), and though the whole ensemble might cost you a bit more than you may want to spend on a costume, you can wear these pieces long after you finish eating your Halloween candy. Lyst also claims that blouses reminiscent of the character Barb have been popular, with pussy bow blouses seeing a 42% bump compared to this time last month. Over 3,000 people have also searched for "ruffled gingham shirts." Eleven's outfit is actually of the perfect Halloween costume. It looks warm enough for a chilly fall night, comfortable enough to take your kids trick-or-treating in (sneakers!!), and it's a little spooky as well.
Speaking of Halloween and costumes, Halloween is exactly one week away and there's some costumes I am tired of seeing already. Like the AirBuds...

This is a topical costume for besties. Must avoid. You only have a week to put your kid's costumes together, parents. I have a hint for you... How about a ghost.

Locate a white sheet. Cut holes for eyes (or not). Throw over child. It's perfect for anyone who can barely hold a pair of scissors and won't realize they have nothing planned until the day before Halloween. I'll even give you one more bit of advice... a mummy. Wrap toilet paper around child until child is not visible. You're welcome. All my life people have made fun of my last name... Peverett. Calling me pervert most of the time. But at least I don't have another name that is a lot worse...

Hahaha. This year is the 10th anniversary year of the Phile and once in awhile I like to show you a picture of someone reading this blog. Like this lady for instance...

She either liked it or hated it. Hey, did you see Hillary Clinton's impression of Monica Lewinsky?

Donald Trump also has his own stupid human trick.

Do you kids play Magic: The Gathering? I have never played. Anyway, there's a new Trump card for the game now.

See? I mentioned the story about the Jesus head, right. Well, when I saw it I thought to myself where did I see it before? Then it hit me.

Hahahahaha. This year for Halloween there's not only jack-o-lanterns that people have made, but Trumpkins. What is a Trumpkin you ask?

That is. I like the hair on it. Okay, and now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...

Top Phive Startling Similarities And Differences Between New Caramel M&Ms, Donald Trump And Hillary Clinton
5. Despite hard shell, is quite sweet in the center.
4. Contains Orange Dye #7.
3. Understands proper State Department email protocol.
2. Can be found in the pocket of Wall Street bankers.
And the number one difference between new caramel M&Ms, Trump and Clinton is...
1. Wholeheartedly endorsed by Chris Christie.

If you spit this Mindphuck let me know. Well, with all this scary clown business going on, a good friend of the Phile has something to say about it. He's a patriot, singer and renaissance man. You know what time it is...

It has recently come to my attention that pranksters have taken to suburban streets dressed like scary clowns and are chasing people in order to freak them out and possibly become YouTube sensations. Now, I understand that you're bored and crave attention... but a few words of advice. It's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt... and by somebody, I mean YOU. You see... my twisted little meatpuppets, although it may have seemed like a cool idea at first for you to freak people out, you run the risk of running into someone like ME... someone who becomes un-hinged around clowns and has an extremely violent nature about him... someone who carries a gun... someone who would shoot you through your left eye with a .45 in a split second of amped up fear and rage. So... you see, my little red nosed cunts.... you may want to find yourself another source of amusement. Because the way I see it.... it's Clown Hunting Season.

Magic: The Gathering
Magic: The Gathering is a popular trading card game for people whom life dealt a -5/-5 attractiveness spell.

Tom Hayden 
December 11th, 1939 — October 23rd, 2016
Vietnam activist, married Jane Fonda. Anybody got anything? Yeah... me neither. So long, hippie.

Today's pheatured guests are a singer-songwriter duo whose albums "You Can Have the Rest," "Window," and "What We Do" are available on iTunes. Their latest single "Call Me Out" is also now available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Katelyn and Laurie... the Shook Twins.

Me: Hello, girls, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Katelyn: Great! we just cleaned our tour van!

Me: Okay, I have to ask you, whose idea was to be a musician first? Or did you both know that's what you wanted to do growing up?

Laurie: Well, we never actually dreamed of doing this music thing growing up. We actually both wanted to be teachers (just like our folks) and run a zoo during the summers (because as you know, exotic animals don't need any care during the rest of the year!) But once we started learning to play guitars when we were 18, and playing gigs at 20, we realized that this could really be something to pursue.

Me: You both play different instruments then each other, am I right? And you girls play a lot of instruments. What do you play and how did you choose what instruments to learn?

Katelyn: We both started with guitar. Then we bought a banjo about 5 years ago and both started fiddling around on it, but Laurie just really resonated with it and it came so easily for her that she kept with it. And eventually she started picking up the djembe and looping and within this last year, she learned to play the upright bass! So with Laurie looking so impressive with all these instruments...

Laurie: Katelyn felt the pressure to learn another so she wouldn't look so useless! She was given a mandolin from a family friend and learned some basic chords, and soon she was playing it on stage. And also, we wrote a song that was in desperate need of a glockenspiel so she picked that up too!

Me: Who does most of the songwriting?

Laurie: We always write our songs together, however Katelyn writes most of the lyrics.

Katelyn: I come up with the music side mostly.

Me: I have to hand it to all siblings that work together, and I interviewed a lot. I could never work with any of my sister's. I am taking you both get along pretty good, right?

Laurie: Yes, we do. It's a very unique relationship that's hard to compare to anything else. But we work very well together and always make sure everything is equal. Like if one twin has been doing a lot of business duties, the other one picks up the slack by working extra hard the next week. And in that way it's very nice because it's like working half the time and still getting everything done!

Me: Where are you girls from?

Laurie: We were born and raised in a small town in North Idaho called Sandpoint.

Me: Your parents must be very proud of both of you. Have they always been supportive? It's one thing having one daughter that is talented, let alone two.

Katelyn: Aww, that's nice of you to say! Yes, ma and pa Shook have always been very supportive. So supportive that they housed us and our entire band (plus a few significant others) in their home in Sandpoint for 4 years after we graduated college! It would be very tough to be an emerging musician without a supportive family, because you don't make much of anything at first and you need some money to start out with to get equipment and an album recorded.

Me: Do you have any other siblings? If so, are they talented as well?

Laurie: We have one emotionally adopted big sister who is a very talented artist and she is now the art teacher at Sandpoint High School, which is our father's old job!

Me: Do you both have the same taste in music?

Laurie: Yes, exactly the same.

Me: Okay, let's talk about your music. I downloaded all your music from iTunes and loved it all. I love the song "Windows" from that album. How did it get to be the album title?

Katelyn: Well, it started out just being the song title because of the lyric, "If I only had a window to the 60s." But as we were recording this album with so many great friends, we realized that the album is like a window into our past; jamming on these songs with different musicians at various after parties and weekend get-aways. So it could sort of be classified as a concept album in that way.

Me: You recorded with a guy named The Bucky Walters. Who is he and I like he has The in front of his name.

Laurie: Ha ha ha, well, actually The Bucky Walters is a bluegrass band from Arcata California! They are great friends of ours and they played a part in the past jams of these songs like I said before, so we got them to play on the album to recreate those magical moments in a studio so that they can be captured professionally and heard forever! We also featured the girls from the band Elephant Revival on the album; Bridget Law on Fiddle and Bonnie Paine on Washboard and some vocal harmonies. We absolute love playing music with those girls!

Me: There's so many great songs on your albums, girls. I have to ask you about "Pink and Purple" though. iTunes has he song listed as explicit, but I cannot figure out why. What word are they talking about?

Katelyn: Well, I guess it's quiet enough that you can't hear it! We say,"shit" in that song but it's spoken in the background right after the verse about "sometimes I get distracted." We just wanted to be safe so no one played in on the radio or anything!

Me: Your new single "Call Me Out" you also say "shit." That one I picked out. Your music in the past has been very acoustic oriented but this new single is slightly different.

Katelyn: We've been incorporating electronic sounds live for a while, but this is the first time fully committing to an electro indie-folk production on a track. It's nerve racking throwing something new at your fans, but I think it's a good blend of the new and old us.

Me: I cannot pick what song I like best. Do you guys have a favorite?

Laurie: We like "Time To Swim," "Window" and "Long Time" the best.

Me: I noticed in a few pictures of a giant golden egg that seems to be autographed. Here's a picture of one of you holding it...

Me: Man, I have tons of questions about this. What's the deal with the egg and who autographed it?

Katelyn: The Golden Egg has become sort of our "symbol" (since we came from one egg!). Laurie met a guy outside of a bar in Seattle that had it under his arm and she convinced him to give it to her! Then she took it home and spent hours and hours filling it with popcorn kernels so now it's a giant egg shaker which she actually plays in one of our songs! The original rule that we were given from the Seattle man was that you're supposed to sign it and pass it on. But he never said a time frame of how long you could keep it or who could sign it, so we're going to keep it for as long as it wants to fulfill its purpose on stage, and various people have signed it!

Me: You asked him for his egg, Laurie? Tell us this story.

Laurie: It was June 3rd 2010 in Seattle, outside Nuemos after a hockey/the band concert. I noticed a young man chillin' on the sidewalk with a giant golden egg under his arm. When I inquired about it, he replied, "Some lady gave it to me and told me to sign it and then pass it on to someone to do the same." I immediately was drawn to the beauty, signed it and took it on as my new friend. I thought about passing it along several times, but was never ready. I decided instead to turn it into a giant egg shaker by putting popcorn in it, then turned it into a drum by sticking a small mic on it! The whole band loves this egg so, and have always wondered about its journey before it was brightening our lives! My wish was for the person who started the egg to find me and tell me its tale! My wish came true... After we played the Tractor Tavern in Seattle on April 5th, we got a very exciting email from a Kipp A. Gallagher. He told us that he and his 3 friends, Clara Ganey, and Katie Farden, Katy Heinz, were the wonderful people who started the passing of the egg. How they got the egg is the magical part! It was May 5th 2008 when the four friends went to Dicks Burgers on Capitol Hill. As they were leaving and Katy and Kipp were waiting outside the bathroom, a very tall "Hipster Mad Hatter" esque man approached them with the egg under his arm. When they inquired about it, he told them that it is a magical egg and that it grants wishes! He then gave them the egg and told the two of them to close their eyes and make a wish. As they wished, he embraced them with the egg in the middle of them all and told them to focus harder. When they opened their eyes, the Hipster Mad Hatter was gone and they had the egg in their hands. It grants wishes indeed, Kipp's wish was to be able to keep the egg! The four friends kept the egg for 2 years, loving it as a family member. When they were graduating college, they decided to let the egg go as not just one of them could take it. They returned to Dick's and passed the egg to a sailor in the same way they had received it. Then it was passed to me and it has again granted a wish... To find the people who started this egg! LONG LIVE THE GOLDEN EGG!!!!!

Me: What a crazy story. And you girls have a phone on stage? It ties in with the new single I am guessing. You actually use the phone to get a sound. How do you hook it up?

Laurie: Yes! Katelyn found this DIY telephone microphone on Craigslist for $20, and it's the best thing that she ever bought! Someone turned it into a microphone and put a quarter inch jack on it so it can plug right into a P.A. system. It gives her voice a cool slightly distorted, radio voice effect!

Me: I saw White Horse open for Barenaked Ladies and they did the same thing. One of your songs there's beat boxing. Which one of you two does that and what other singing talents do you have?

Katelyn: Laurie is the beat boxer.

Laurie: And Katelyn can sing opera!

Me: You girls also sing a cappella. Do you girls like singing a cappella or do you prefer using instruments?

Laurie: For short and sweet songs, that are so simple that instruments would just get in the way, we prefer a cappella. But that's rare when a song can be so minimal.

Me: Girls, thanks so much for being here on the Phile and I hope you can come back when your next album comes out. Go ahead and mention your website and anything else you wanna. Continued success and take care.

Laurie: Thanks for such great questions!

Katelyn: Our website is shooktwins.com.

Me: Fantastic. Please come back on the Phile again soon. All the best.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Laird Jim and Shook Twins. The Phile will be back Thursday with Matt Steckler from the jazz band Dead Cat Bounce. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker