Pheaturing Jacqueline Goehner

Rabbit. White and gold. Blue and gold, blue and black... fucking hell, we get it... it's a mind blowing phenomenon. Hello, welcome to the Phile. It's March 1st, everybody.  Let's start off with some sad news, shall we? No, we are not gonna talk about me... even though I'm sad. But that's not really news. I'm talking about Leonard Nimoy... the actor who originated the now-legendary half-human/half-Vulcan Mr. Spock on "Star Trek" and lent his voice to countless film and television projects. He succumbed to chronic obstructive pulmonary disease this morning at the age of 83. He will forever be remembered for his character's timeless piece of wisdom, "Do, or do not. There is no try." Just kidding.  Racist comic book obsessives are preparing to go into full meltdown mode soon as new rumors bubble up on the Internet claiming that the person under the mask of the soon-to-be-rebooted-once-again Spider-Man will be (prepare yourself) not white. "I'm 95% sure," film reporter Jeff Sneider portends, "Spider-Man's going to be most likely black. But there's a chance he could also be Latino. 95% sure, not white." Time to reinforce the legs on your fainting couch, because there's going to be a lot of portly dudes crashing on it soon.  Militants from the Islamic State entered a museum in Mosul, Iraq this week and took sledgehammers to an untold number of millennia-old priceless pieces of art, claiming that the 3,000-year-old artifacts were religious idols. Cool bunch of guys, huh? According to new polling data from Public Policy Polling, the Washington Post and the Huffington Post, a full 49 percent of Republicans still do not believe in evolution, while 54 percent say that President Barack Obama is, "deep down," actually a Muslim. On the plus side, a little more than 10 percent of GOP voters do begrudgingly acknowledge that Obama probably loves the country he's president of. A Tea Party Republican compared Planned Parenthood to ISIS because one of them has to say something crazy each day and it was his turn.  Vasalgel, a contraceptive pill for men, is expected to be released by the Parsemus Foundation at some point in 2017. Every conservative male member of Congress is expected to begin backtracking on their opposition to insurance-covered birth control approximately five minutes later.  Italian surgeon Sergio Canavero will soon announce a highly anticipated project to transplant a human head from one body to another. It is currently unknown whether he will be able to retain sentience in the patient, or whether he will be capable of beating back the monstrous flesh golem that rises from his operating table before it strangles him to death and then heads off into the night to seek more victims.  Firefighters have managed to pinpoint the cause of a house fire in London. A glass Nutella jar sitting on a window sill apparently refracted sunlight in just the right way to cause a small blaze that quickly engulfed the entire building. What a terrible, delicious tragedy. That's one thing I've never tried and that is Nutella. I was told I'd like it but I pretty much doubt it.  Okay, when I saw that picture of The Dress I was thinking, where did I see that Dress before. And then it hit me.

Of course. Haha.  So, that Fifty Shades of Grey movie has been out for a few weeks now and Disney is still rereleasing some of it's classic animated movies with Fifty Shades like scenes. Here's the latest.

Damn. Sleeping Beauty never looked so hot. Haha.  Here's a little known fact about Leonard Nimoy, kids. He used to be in a duo with John Lennon. Don't believe me?

See? That's so stupid. Wanna see what else is stupid?

Hahahaha. I needed something to make me laugh.  Okay, as you know I live in Florida and there's some crazy things that happen in this state that wouldn't happen anywhere else. That's why I have a pheature here called...

Nineteen year old Juanye Jones from Volusia County, Florida went to the hospital Wednesday night complaining of a headache. When doctors examined him, they had a pretty good hunch as to why: he had a bullet lodged in his head. You think you'd notice that, right? Even the other people in the Florida Hospital Oceanside ER were confused. “There was a young fellow in there, about 18 years old. I thought he was in there for something minor and then the police showed up," witness Wayne Saddler told the Palm Beach Post. “I hear he has a bullet in his head. He had a headache and now he has a bullet in his head." It could happen to anyone. Well, actually no. turns out, Juanye had been present at a shooting on Monday at Bethune-Cookman University. Three students had been injured after a shooter opened fire from an SUV, but only two immediately went to the hospital. The third, Jones, thought the bullet had just "grazed his ear," and didn't want to seek a medical opinion. Even on Wednesday, when doctors found his skull had been breached and recommended further treatment, Jones left the hospital, and it is possible that he is still walking around with those fragments. Is he just planning on treating his headache with pills? Motrin may be little, yellow, and different, but bullet fragments are little, silver, and painful. Get those things out!

Leonard Nimoy
March 26th, 1931 — February 27th, 2015
At least he prospered.

I you spot the Mindphuck let me know. By the way, with that Dress, I don't know about you but I see orange and green.

What color do you guys see? Alright, guess what time it is. He's a singer, patriot, and renaissance man. Please welcome back to the Phile our good friend Laird Jim.

Good morning, phuckerz. Am I the only person who doesn't give fuck what color the Dress is? The next time someone thinks of all New Yorkers as uncaring, self centered, bastards... I hope they remember this story. This week on the frigid sidewalk of west 47th street, a red tailed hawk was found starving to death. He was weak and could barely walk, let alone fly. It was so famished that it's body began sustaining itself off of the nutrients of it's internal organs. A passerby noticed it and alerted NYPD officers who wrapped the winged predator in a blanket and gave it a speedy escort to an upper west side animal sanctuary where it is being nursed back to health. I love New York.

This is very cool... the 35th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Our good friend Jeff will be a guest on the Phile next Monday.

Okay, today's pheatured guest is an actress, model, costume designer and cosplayer. Please welcome to the Phile the beautiful... Jacqueline Goehner.

Me: Hello, Jacqueline, welcome to the Phile. So, should I call you Jacqueline or Jackie? What do you prefer?

Jacqueline: Whichever you'd like! I think Jacqueline is prettier, but most people call me Jackie.

Me: Alright, I don't know where to start, you do a lot of stuff. I have to say you are gorgeous. Were you always this gorgeous growing up? I betcha had a lot of guys wanting to date you in school, am I right?

Jacqueline: Awe thank you! It's funny, I was REALLY awkward looking growing up, in fact, I would say pretty bad. I had TERRIBLE acne since I was 8 years old and it didn't clear up until maybe two or three years ago. I was also a bean pole. I remember in theater, I often got male roles because I had absolutely no feminine figure. But it's funny, because I have a twin sister (fraternal) and we look nothing alike! Growing up, she was the pretty twin and I was the smart one. ALL the guys wanted her! I was the theater/nerd girl that was too busy for dudes anyway. 

Me: Where are you from, Jackie?

Jacqueline: I'm from San Francisco, but I grew up mostly in Lodi, CA.

Me: You are known mostly and please correct me if I am wrong, as a cosplayer that plays a character called Witchblade, am I right?

Jacqueline: Yes, Sara Pezzini of "Witchblade" is one of the characters I cosplay.

Me: I have to show a picture of you as Witchblade.

Me: I mentioned this before on the Phile, when I started to go to comic book conventions in the 80s there were hardly any women there, and those that were there looked like guys. No one dressed up. Then what seems like a blink of an eye to me everyone dresses up. When did you start to dress up?

Jacqueline: Well, I think it would have to be since late 2005. It was also my first anime convention too!

Me: Back in my day it was called dressing up, and now it's called cosplaying. I used to say that if you were over 12 and dressed up in public without getting paid there was something wrong. But some of my good friends are cosplayers and I am looking at it in a different light. Anyway, is there money to be made in cosplaying? And how?

Jacqueline: It's funny, because only recently has cosplay been considered more accepting. Even when I started out, you NEVER told anyone "normal" you were a cosplayer because they would think something is really wrong with you. You also never gave out your real name either. I guess since Jessica Nigri, one of the biggest iconic sex symbols in cosplay, started making it a business and lead it in the right direction, I think others have found it very acceptable and even inspiring to cosplay. I don't think cosplayers these days get into it thinking it's a money making hobby. But it is a very expensive hobby, so I think most come up with creative ways to support it. So yes, I think there is some money to made, but I certainly would've ever see this as a life-time career. Costume designing, prop making, special effects makeup, wardrobe, etc... these are related to cosplay and would make wonderful careers!

Me: Okay, your main character is Witchblade. I am a comic book fan but read mostly Marvel so I don't really know who Witchblade is. She's not DC, right?

Jacqueline: Nope! She is a Top Cow character. Although this might interest you! Marvel and Top Cow have had a couple crossovers. In fact, Wolverine and Sara got married in one issue!

Me: I have to thank you for picking that character if you know what I mean, Jackie. Haha. Is she your favorite character? Do you have lots of Witchblade mercy?

Jacqueline: Haha! No problem! She is definitely one of my top favorite characters of all time, definitely my favorite female hero. I still have most of my Witchblade comics back from high school. I've collected a couple Witchblade figures since, but sadly my biggest collection is from Legend of Zelda!

Me: If they made a Witchblade movie, you better be in it. Do you think they'll make a Witchblade movie?

Jacqueline: I would love to be in it, even if I wasn't Sara! The folks at Top Cow know what they're doing. They're getting ready for "The Darkness" movie and I can't see why they wouldn't make a "Witchblade" movie if it does well.

Me: Okay, so let's talk about the costume... what is it made out of?

Jacqueline: It is made of silicone, basically house sealant. Other parts consist of foam and resin, but it's 99% silicone.

Me: It looks so uncomfortable, Jackie. How long does it take you to get into it? And do you need help?

Jacqueline: Believe it or not, wearing it is not so bad! It takes roughly 45 minutes to 1 hour for the costume, hair, and makeup, and depending on which version I wear, sometimes I need help.

Me: You are a costume designer so I take it you designed and made it yourself am I right?

Jacqueline: I did, yes! It took about 3 days to make the costume itself too.

Me: When you first wore it and walked around a convention with guys staring at you did you feel uncomfortable?

Jacqueline: I wouldn't say I was uncomfortable with the stares, I was more worried if the costume will fall off! Haha!

Me: Okay, so, you cosplay any other characters? I do!

Jacqueline: I cosplay Princess Zelda from the Legend of Zelda series as well as many other characters from the series. I've cosplayed Tifa, Silent Hill Nurse, Starfire, San (Princess Mononoke), Deedlit... .and a lot more!

Me: I live in Central Florida and the big convention here is MegaCon. Have you ever been?

Jacqueline: Yes! I have been there once and I have been aching to return!

Me: What conventions do you go to and what one if your favorite?

Jacqueline: I go to mostly Californian conventions, but I have gone to conventions to Washington, Georgia, Florida, and Texas. My favorite so far is DragonCon.

Me: You are a costume designer mostly, Jackie. Do you create and make a lot of costumes for other cosplayers?

Jacqueline: I do, but I'm trying to do it less as it's been cutting more into my projects. I'm currently finishing up on a Link and Zelda costume and about 22 other commissions.

Me: And you're a make-up artist? Do you do stuff for TV and movies?

Jacqueline: I have done makeup for mostly internet web series, but I have done makeup for movies, mostly indies.

Me: Okay, let's talk about some other stuff you do. It says you are a film director. What kinda stuff do you film? Horror or sci-fi stuff?

Jacqueline: Oh dear! I haven't directed in so long! It was mostly horror and the only reason I did horror was because it's the cheapest! HAHA! I would love to do more sci-fi and fantasy though.

Me: Did you go to school to study film?

Jacqueline: I did not! I learned mostly from my peers in the films I worked in.

Me: You must've studied fashion I am guessing though, am I right?

Jacqueline: Nope! I didn't study fashion either. I studied costume design specifically, but it was all apart of the program I was in.

Me: Okay, you have done some acting. There's something coming out called "Star Trek: Renegades" that you are a part of. First of, is that a new series, or movie?

Jacqueline: I am on the makeup team for that and basically it's a pilot for CBS. If it doesn't get picked up, I'm sure they'll continue it online.

Me: It's not a J.J. Abrams project but is set in the original "Star Trek universe", am I right there?

Jacqueline: Actually it's set sometime after "DS9" (I think! I could be wrong!) eek!

Me: Anybody from the old "Star Trek" show in it, Jackie?

Jacqueline: Why yes! Walter Koenig (Chekov), Tim Russ ("Voyager's" Tuvok), and well, I can't tell you anyone else because I don't know if it's secret or not!

Me: So, who do you play in the movie?

Jacqueline: Oh, I'm not acting in it! I'm on the makeup team... hehe!

Me: Oh. How did you get the job?

Jacqueline: I got the makeup job through Tim Vittitoe and Lisa Hansling, the makeup supervisors/designers. I worked with them on a previous project and they asked me to be apart of this one with them.

Me: Isn't actress Sean Young in it? How was it like working with her?

Jacqueline: She is, in fact I did her hair and makeup! She's a sweet woman and is really full of personality! I'm so glad to have had the chance to work with her!

Me: Another project you acted in is "Millennium Apocalyspe." What is that, and who do you play in that show, Jackie?

Jacqueline: Oh my! That's an old thing I did several years ago! And it was a lot of fun too! I was Special Agent Watts in Season 2, daughter of the character Peter Watts from "Millennium." A lot of fun stories from that production!

Me: If you could only pick one thing to do what would it be? I am guessing dressing up as Witchblade. That I think is what most people want you to continue doing.

Jacqueline: Oh my, I know I wouldn't want to wear that costume in the cold! But if it was just one thing... I would say play with a room full of kittens! I haven't done that in a while.

Me: Okay, I have to ask, with you doing the "Star Trek" project, are you a bigger "Star Trek" fan than Star Wars?

Jacqueline: I don't want to break any hearts, I love them both!

Me: You should audition for the new Star Wars movie, Jackie. Everybody in California wants to be in that movie, am I right?

Jacqueline: Haha, oh no not everyone in California wants to be in film. Besides, I'd need a really good agent to land an audition like that!

Me: Okay, so, on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics. Are you ready? This is a good one... what would you try if you had no fear?

Jacqueline: Hm... either explore the ocean bed (just go as deep as I can) or fly a plane!

Me: Jackie, thanks so much for being on the Phile. Go ahead and mention all your websites, and where people can buy your jewelry and stuff. I hope this interview was fun, Jackie.

Jacqueline: Thank you! It was a lot of fun! You can find more of me on Facebook.com/HappyGoJackie or Jackie Goehner on YouTube or Twitter!

Me: So, will you come back again? Take care and continued success and I hope they make a Witchblade movie with you in it.

Jacqueline: Absolutely! Haha I hope so too! Take care.

Ha. She won't be back. That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Laird Jim and Jacqueline Goehner. The Phile will be back tomorrow with musician Andy Frasco. Spread the word, no he turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Fuck. That picture made me sad. That was taken in South Carolina a few days before my shoulder accident in October 2012. Remember that? It was our last family vacation. Hmmph. Noiw I'm depressed. Where is that fucking Graham Parker quote?

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker