Hey there, and welcome to a Sunday entry of the Phile. How are you? Outgoing Texas Gov. Rick Perry... who is expected to make another run for the White House in the next election cycle, pointed out in a recent interview that "running for the presidency's not an IQ test," as should be plainly obvious to anyone who observed the 2012 Republican primaries. Oddly, this is the smartest thing that Perry has ever been quoted as saying. Rick Perry claims running for the presidency's not an IQ test? They’re kind of similar though since he’s failed at both. The U.S. government has announced that it will not interfere with Native American tribes who opt to grow and sell marijuana products on their land, which means that people all over the country are right now hitting Google to find out how close they are to the nearest reservation. So, if marijuana gets high, is that cannibalism? Pope Francis was recently heard comforting a small child whose dog by saying that "one day, we will see our animals again in the eternity of Christ. Paradise is open to all of God's creatures." Due to the Catholic Church's policy of Papal Infallibility, this means that the Kingdom of Heaven is now obligated to admit entry to all pets. Recently deceased people should expect long lines at St. Peter's Gate, as an enormous backlog of dogs, cats, hamsters and iguanas queue up to get inside. Poor Snoop must be kicking himself for becoming a lion. According to new study in the British Medical Journal, men are far more likely to die due to easily preventable and embarrassing circumstances than women. This is being seen as proof of the "male idiot theory," which theorizes that males are idiots. Judging from Super Bowl commercials, you'd never guess fat, stupid men built and ran America for 122 years before we let women vote. Someone alert Houston Texans wide receiver Andre Johnson that his title of MVP of Christmas (for buying over $16,000 worth of toys for children in the care of Family Services) is in danger. An anonymous woman walked into the Toys "R" Us location in Bellingham, Massachusetts and donated an amazing $20,000 to wipe away the layaway balances for 150 families who were saving up for Christmas gifts from the store. It was all the layaway debt that store had. One mother told the Milford Daily News that she almost didn't pick up the phone call she received from Toys "R" Us that day because she was afraid the store was going to tell her they were canceling her layaway plan because she missed a payment. Instead, the employee told her she could come pick up her present early. "I thought, 'You have to be kidding me,'" said the single mother, Linda, "I almost wanted to cry. It was only $50, but to me that's a lot of money, and that someone would go and do that gave me chills." Indeed, many parents reportedly did break into tears at the news that they would, indeed, have Christmas for their kids this year. In a statement, Toys "R" Us said, "This incredible act of kindness is a true illustration of holiday giving at its best." I concur! And it's even sweeter that she did it anonymously. The Milford Daily News did confirm that the woman is a local resident and "a bubbly older woman" who told the store manager (after hugging him), "If you have it, give it." But, can you take some anonymous pictures next time? Won't someone please think of the bloggers? I have to mention this before we move on as it's big Star Wars news... Lucasfilm and Disney just released some fake, old-school-looking trading cards for the much-much-much-much-anticipated Star Wars: The Force Awakens, which should hit theaters a year from now. Aside from them their design being kind of nostalgia-inducing for old nerds like me, the fake cards are just rehashing images from the trailer that blew up the Internet over Thanksgiving weekend. However, they do contain a little bit of new information: character names! For example, we now know that John Boyega is playing someone named something Finn or Finn something.
As this is a universe of George Lucas's crafting, it's probably something like Finn Planethopper or N. Tegrity Finn. Here is his card. Okay, you know about that Elf on the Shelf, right? Well, it looks like J.J.Abrams took over that story as well...
Haha. I like how the Wampa is just staring with the others. So, Christmas is around the corner and I have been showing you some real and crazy products you can buy for your loved ones on Amazon. Here's the latest...
Who cares if people think you're putting feminine hygiene products in your mouth. The important thing is, you're drunk! Also I have been showing you some pre-written gift tags that are available. I think that was the set up. Anyway, here's another...
Okay, as you know I lie in Florida and some crazy stories come out of this state that would not come out of any other state, so that's why I have this pheature called...
Heidi Creamer (not a porn name) from Florida (I swear she's not in porn) got into a physical altercation with her twin sister Holly over her boyfriend and a sex toy... okay, she might be in porn, but I don't have any evidence of it. This is no Haley Mills Parent Trap twin action, this is more of a twin scenario of the Linsday Lohan variety. The 48 year old sisters live together with Heidi's boyfriend in an apartment, and while the boyfriend was out, the womb-mates got into a verbal altercation that turned physical. According to the police report, Holly and Heidi were yelling in the doorway, when Heidi punched her genetic identical with a closed fist. Holly landed on her back, and began kicking Heidi away. Heidi then "punched, scratched, and pulled Holly's hair in the struggle." Sorry, there weren't any cameras running. Heidi then began to grab her belongings and announced she was going to leave, and Holly slammed and locked the door behind her. Heidi went up to the third floor balcony and started screaming at neighbors to call the police. Someone must have put down the popcorn long enough to make that call, because police arrived shortly after, where they found Heidi "screaming obscenities" at her sister and pounding on the door. The cop cuffed Heidi and locked her in his squad car for his own safety. When he tried to read her her Miranda rights, she "began screaming that she was fighting with her sister Holly over a vibrator and her boyfriend." The report does not say exactly why Heidi and Holly were fighting over the man or the man-replacement, so we can only hope Holly pulled the ole switch-a-roo on Heidi's boyfriend and duped him into having sex with her, which has got to be the only advantage to having to share your DNA. Heidi was charged with battery and assault and booked into county jail.
Both of these photos are of Heidi, but really, what's the difference?
By the way, no, I don't think she's that hot. Haha.
This is another Mindphuck I do not get. A Phile reader sent this too me and said it's a famous one but I don't get it. If you spot it please let me know, kids. Ugh, it sucks when I don't even know what the Mindphuck is. By the way, did you see those shooting stars last night? I had no idea what was going on, I thought I was imagining it, or it was a spaceship, but apparently last night was the peak of the Geminid Meteor Shower. About one meteor trail per minute was expected, appearing to radiate from a direction in the sky near the star Castor in the constellation Gemini. I saw it twice... fucking cool. You know what else is fucking cool? Laird Jim. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. You know what time it is...
Good morning, humans. Happy Sunday, phuckerz! Pardon me for not getting all weepy over our government's recent disclosure that we employed torture techniques on terror suspects in Guantanamo. These people seek to destroy our country and kill civilians wholesale. Over THERE, they behead us... Over HERE, we "waterboard" them and force them to listen to Twisted Sister to keep them awake. Boo-Fucking-Hoo... You know what waterboarding is? You're held down with a towel over your mouth and nose while water is poured over your face. Everyone who's had it done to them THINKS they're going to die. THAT'S why it works. The cold, hard fact is... in all the time that America has used this technique, not ONE single person actually died from it. There are good men around who must engage in questionable practices in order to keep our children safe in their beds at night... let them do their jobs and stop fucking whining about it. We live in a scary world where evil must be kept at bay. You can NOT reason or negotiate with insanity. Wanna play nice and sit around the campfire singing Kumbaya, hoping for the best out of humans? Fine... let me know how all THAT works out for you.
It's 11:19 PM, 57°F and forget the baby River, is Kelly holding a cup from Wawa?
No, I don't think it is. Must be Starbucks. Oh, well...
Okay, today's pheatured guest is the founder and creator of the rock/metal instrumental project Fractal Control whose new album "Disconnected Equals Freedom" is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Mike Louttit.
Me: Hello, Mike, welcome to the Phile. How are you?
Mike: Good, thanks.
Me: So, man, you are very secretive. You only have one publicity picture and I almost used this fist squeezing a DNA strand logo.
Me: I did find one other picture of you I think with a cute girl. Is this you?
Mike: I'm not sure which photo your talking about but I'm a guy.
Me: I know you're a guy... never mind. Okay, so, should I call you Fractal or Mike?
Mike: Mike is fine.
Me: Where did the name Fractal Control come from and what does it mean?
Mike: I came up with the name in context to the theme of the band, which a fractal, roughly speaking means a pattern that repeats itself, which for this means the repetition of controlling the majority of people by repeating similar practices over and over again throughout decades. For example many years ago labor was controlled by enslaving people. Now labor is controlled not by enslaving people directly but by controlling wages. If money is controlled which it is through the federal reserve, they determine the value of money even if its somewhat indirectly, then you control the labor indirectly without them really knowing. So going with the theme of the band in the future I imagine there will be something similar to what happened in the past and what is happening now, that will control money/labor.
Me: You started to play guitar when you were very young, but didn't really want to take lessons, am I right?
Mike: Yeah, I started when I was about 8 but the only way my parents would buy me a guitar is if I took lessons, which is fair I think.
Me: Your parents didn't force you to play guitar?
Mike: They didn't force me to play guitar I wanted to learn.
Me: Did you play any other instruments as well?
Mike: Yeah, I play guitar, drums, bass and piano.
Me: Are you glad you took those guitar lessons, Mike?
Mike: Mostly, I learned some important fundamentals at a young age and I think that helped later on. I stopped taking lessons after a few years and then when I was about 16 I started buying some instructional books and I think having the lesson earlier made it easier for me going through those books.
Me: What was the first song you learnt growing up?
Mike: The first song I learned, that I wanted to learn was "Chop Suey" by System of a Down.
Me: Ah, I don't know that song. So, I take it listening to your music you are a heavy metal fan. What bands did you listen to growing up?
Mike: Yeah, but metal isn't the only type of music I like. System of a Down was one of the first bands I really go into. Then later on I discovered Death which is still one of my favorite bands. I also like some lighter stuff like older Smashing Pumpkins, Coheed and Cambria, and Alice In Chains. Some other influential bands for me would be Buckethead, Animals As Leaders, Nile, The Human Abstract.
Me: Were you ever in a band?
Mike: I've been in a few local bands.
Me: Let's talk about your CD "Disconnection Equals Freedom." I guess that is partly true. How did you come up with that title, Mike?
Mike: The title can mean that disconnecting yourself from anything that might be holding you back from truly being yourself can bring you freedom. Not worrying about what someone will think of what you say or do even if it could be controversial. Disconnecting yourself from thinking that you don't want to step out of line because of what someone else may think, it can bring real freedom.
Me: So, who plays on the album with you?
Mike: I wrote and recorded all the parts myself.
Me: There's only limited talking on the album, and no singing. Is that you doing the talking on the song "Hidden Truth"?
Mike: No, I wrote the lyrics but it is computer generated.
Me: When I first heard the intro I thought it was a Dick Dale sounding song, but then the heavy metal guitars kicked in. How many guitars are on the track?
Mike: There are 3 guitar parts on that song, the clean guitar, distorted rhythm guitar, and lead.
Me: The album was influenced by the movie Zeitgeist: The Movie, am I right?
Mike: Somewhat, no so much the movie itself but some of the ideas in the movie.
Me: I don't know anything about that movie. What is it about?
Mike: It is a documentary about a few different things but I think most importantly it sheds light on how the federal reserve works. More importantly how the federal reserve is privately run by the biggest banks in the country and they control interest rates and the creation of money without really any over site. This in turn seriously effects the purchasing power of our money by devaluing it and therefore essentially robbing everyone of wealth.
Me: Is that your favorite movie of all time?
Mike: Not really but I think it is an eye opening movie for most of the people that see it.
Me: So, I am sure the album has a theme but being instrumental it's hard to figure out. What's the theme of it, Mike?
Mike: The whole theme behind the album and the band really is this. It's set in a future where if the world continues as it is humans and technology will be intertwined and it will be hard to distinguish between the two. In this future technology has taken over and enslaved humans without them even knowing. I think it can be relatable to today in the fact that most people don't understand how our financial system works and how we are somewhat slaves to the debt based monetary system and a lot of people don't know or understand it.
Me: I see. Okay, on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics. Ready? Oh, this is a good one for you... and it really is random. Would you go to war if you were drafted?
Me: Me neither, but I'll doubt I'd get drafted. Haha. Alright, thanks for being on the Phile. Go ahead and mention your website if you have one. Continued success, Mike.
Mike: Thank you. My CD is available on iTunes, Amazon, CDBaby, Spotify and more. Twitter.com/FractalControl, Facebook.com/FractalControl.
That was a very confusing interview, and unexciting, but I don't blame Mike... I blame myself. Alright, thanks to my guests Laird Jim and Mike Louttit. The Phile will be back tomorrow with singer Lindsay Mac and then on Thursday with Phile Alum and one of my favorite musicians Pete Donnelly. So, spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker