Monday, December 1, 2014

Pheaturing Christian Turner From Christian Punk Band

Rabbit. Hello, kids, it's Monday and the first of December. It's also Cyber Monday, and the Phile is half off. I hope the hype of Cyber Monday help you forget it's Monday.  Darren Wilson has announced that he is resigning from the Ferguson, Missouri police force due to "credible threats" against himself and the department. City officials say that Wilson will not be eligible for a severance package or any similar benefits due to the short time... three years... he spent on the force. Instead, he will simply have to support himself on the millions of dollars he makes off of his newfound celebrity, at least until he starts drawing a government paycheck after he ultimately gets elected to Congress. Darren Wilson finally made the streets of Ferguson safe by resigning from the police force.
Former Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice has had his suspension from the NFL overturned by a U.S. district court. The judge found that Commissioner Roger Goodell had failed to be "fair and consistent in his imposition of discipline." Rice is eligible to be rejected for employment by all 32 teams in the league, effective immediately. My sources tell me that the Raiders are interested in both Ray Rice and Cosby.  Immediately after Disney released the trailer for the upcoming Star Wars: The Force Awakens, incredulous fans began to balk online at the image of John Boyega dressed as an Imperial Stormtrooper, due to the fact that he is a black man, and for some reason foot soldiers for the Empire should not be black. Had J.J. Abrams only thought to cast a person with a fish for a head in that key role, this controversy could have all been averted. Boyega has taken the racist fallout in stride though, telling bigots to "Get used to it," which is something at which bigots are not historically proficient. I'm not a racist, but when I saw a black Stormtrooper in the new Star Wars trailer I did spit out my tea and shrieked, "NEIN! NEIN! NEIN!" Haha. Just. Kidding. I was drinking cream soda. Haha.  Researchers at Washington State University are currently hard at work trying to create a breathalyzer test that would be able to detect whether or not a driver is operating his or her vehicle while under the influence of marijuana. Tough news for stoners. Just so long as they don't develop a breath test for a dozen or so Xanax, I think I'm okay with this news.  Here's some good news for parents who do not think that they can handle hearing the songs "Let It Go" or "Do You Want To Build A Snowman?" too many more times before they snap and just start smashing things: Idina Menzel... who voiced the character Elsa in Disney's smash hit Frozen has announced that a sequel may very soon be on its way, complete with a whole soundtrack full of new songs for girls aged five to fifteen to sing over and over and over and over and over again in the back seat of their parents' minivan. Squeeeeeee!!!! Grown adults still listening to that song from Frozen really need to let it go.  Okay, I mentioned the black Stormtrooper in the Star Wars trailer... well, Disney has already started to release merchandise like this poster...

I don't really get the joke at all. I love the confused look on his face.  One of my favorite parts of the new trailer is when they showed Daisy Ridley... who I think is who cute. So, I think just for the helluva it I am gonna show a Daisy Ridley picture.

Oh. Yeah. You welcome, fellas.  Remember that Odell Beckham catch of the year last Sunday? Well, he's been doing other stuff in the week very similar.

He's so great.  So, one of my favorite things to do in my spare time is to go on Twitter and look up certain words. One of those words I look up is "Foghat" and this is what I saw recently.

That's cool but I'm more of a Magic fan.  Christmas is right around the corner and up til it I will be showing you some real products you can buy from Amazon. And you might be able to get a good deal as it's Cyber Monday.

Finally, you can make those hot dog shaped hamburgers you imagined while high. Alright, and now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York here is...

Top Phive Startling Similarities Between The Star Wars Trailer And Cyber Monday
5. Heavy on the pointless gadgetry.
4. Your grandparents understand what the fuss is about.
3. Offers a too-breif respite from your porn addiction.
2. At no point do you think of the word "Sears". 
And the number one similarity between the trailer and Cyber Monday is...
1. Ultimately results in you giving all of your money to Disney.

Advent calendar 
An advent calendar is a calendar used to count the days until you find out if he went to Jared.

If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Haha. That is so funny.

The 31st artist to be pheatured in the Phile's Art Gallery is Joshua Bauer and this is one of his pieces...

Shit. I just saw that there was a comic book convention in Winter Garden not far from here today. Too late now. Agghhh. I need to keep up with these things more. Anyway, Josh will be a guest on the Phile in a few weeks.

Alright, today's pheatured guest is the lead singer and founder of the Canadian band Christian Punk Band whose latest EP "Superdown" is available on Bandcamp. Please welcome to the Phile... Christian Turner.

Me: Hello, Christian, welcome to the Phile. How are you? 

Christian: Thanks for having me. I'm doing well. Our single "Superdown" came out about a week ago and it feels amazing to finally be able to show the public what we've been up to for the last year; 

Me: So, that publicity picture... Couldn't you put down the cigarette for the photo for just one bloody minute? Haha. 

Christian: You would think putting the cigarette down would be easy but the problem was twofold: 1) I'm addicted to cigarettes and 2) it was very cold that day and the only way to stay warm in between pictures was the burning end of a cigarette. 

Me: Okay, your first name is Christian, but your band is not a Christian band, and not a punk band. But it is a band. Where did the name come from? 

Christian: I think that question almost answers itself. It's a band that has me has a member hence Christian. We are a band and so decided to tag band on the end. The punk thing gives us street cred I think. Also, we tried Jon Punk Band and Jeff Punk Band but they didn't have the same ring to them. 

Me: I don't think I am aware of any Christian bands... are you? I know they must exist. 

Christian: There was this little band called Creed that I think was Christian. 

Me: Yeah, but they weren't punk. Hey, maybe you can have a pseudo-country album out and call it Christian Country Band. Or a pseudo-blues album... Christian Blues Band. Or a pseudo-jazz band... Christian Jazz Band. Whatcha think? Are you glad I am not your P.R. guy? 

Christian: That would be way too much work. 

Me: Is this our first band, Christian? 

Christian: No, we've all played in a million different things over the past few years. I used to be in a band called Teenage Kicks, but before that I've played with Jeff and Jon separately in a few different bands. 

Me: You're from Canada, right? What part? 

Christian: We're from Toronto. 

Me: Are you excited Toronto has a new mayor? Were you a fan of Rob Ford? 

Christian: I don't know about excited, but it's certainly a breath of fresh air. I'm not a fan of Rob Ford but I feel bad for him. 

Me: It seems all Canadian artists I interview know who Adam Bentley is from the band The Rest. Do you know who he is? 

Christian: Yeah, Adam is a great man who's been helping us spread the word about our music. He's one of the nicest people I've ever talked to and you should all listen to The Rest. 

Me: And I try to ask my Canadian guests if they are fans of one of my favorite bands the Barenaked Ladies. Are you a fan of them? 

Christian: Specifically Steven Page songs, yes. He's our favourite lady. 

Me: Okay, back to your band. I hear a little bit of Weezer and Pixies in your music. Are you a fan of those bands, Christian? 

Christian: Yeah we all love Weezer a lot. I think our music has come out sounding like the Pixies lately. That's more of an accidental thing, but good! 

Me: I can definitely picture you working with Frank Black. Is there anybody you would love to work with? 

Christian: There's a lot of people I think I'd like to work with. Off the top of my head, let's say Timbaland as long as he promises to not have too many vocal signatures in our songs like at the beginning of suit and tie when he says "you ready J.T.?" Actually, having him say "you ready C.T.?" would be awesome. He can do it as much as he wants. 

Me: What music did you listen to growing up and who are your influences? 

Christian: Lots of fast metal from the 80s, punk rock and 70s rock. The influence list is enormous and growing. These days I think we listen to literally everything from Beyonce to Bach. 

Me: You're the lead singer for the band, and you play guitar. Did you know the other guys in he band before hand? 

Christian: Yeah, we've been friends for years.

Me: With the three of you, what is the dynamics of the band? 

Christian: We're all very like-minded in the way we appreciate and create music. If one person has an idea usually the other two agree and if not we always respect a different of opinion. 

Me: Tell the readers who the other guys are in the band. That's a lot of music coming from just three people, Christian. 

Christian: Jeff plays bass and Jon plays drums. They both play their instruments with a lot of vigour. I think that accounts for all the music. 

Me: Let's talk about the EP "Superdown". I am often super down myself. What is the title referring to? 

Christian: It was just a random mashup of words to be honest. I think it sounds good as a phrase. 

Me: Are you the main songwriter for the band, Christian? 

Christian: We all write the songs together. Someone has an idea and then it gets expanded upon by the other two guys. 

Me: So, is this the band's first release? How long have the band been together? 

Christian: I think we became a band at the beginning of 2013? 

Me: I have to ask you about the EP cover... did you take that pic? Where is it? 

Christian: I think we just found a picture we liked. No idea where it is. 

Me: I like the name of the song "Revampires". I love a good pun. Was that your intention? 

Christian: Yes, we are very clever and indulged our own enjoyment of a good pun. 

Me: So, are you planning another release already, Christian? 

Christian: There's a lot of stuff in the works. We have a ton of material in various states of completion. It won't be long before our next release.

Me: I really enjoyed "Superdown" so I hope you are. Would it be similar in music style? 

Christian: Yeah our music lately has tended toward that mid tempo driving sort of song. We value simplicity and dynamics. I think "Superdown" is a good representation of that. I'd like to think the music will remain along those lines. Who knows though your Christian country band idea has got me thinking I've been doing it all wrong. 

Me: Haha. Okay, on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics. Here we go... if you were given money to remodel your house what would you change first? 

Christian: Easy, we'd put a Mcdonalds in our basement and turn the garage into a recording studio so we've never have to leave the house again. 

Me: Hey, man, thanks for being here on the Phile. I hope it was fun. Go ahead and mention your website and please come back on the Phile when your next CD comes out. All the best. 

Christian: Our Soundcloud is and our website is Thanks for having me.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Christian Turner for a great interview. The Phile will be back on Thursday with Phile Alum Bree Rose from The New Royalty and then on Saturday... not Sunday with actress Natalie Mitchell. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. 

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

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