Hello, and welcome to another entry of the Phile. How are you? Today I have some really sad news. I am trading my PT Cruiser, which I had for about 8 years or so, in. That bloody car gave me nothing but trouble. Even yesterday it had a flat tire, but I am actually gonna miss it. It's been to a lot of places, and we had a lot of adventures together. I am gonna miss this car...
Okay, moving on... there's more important stuff to talk about. Like nude pictures of celebrities. For a brief period earlier this week, the highest-ranked donation group on the Prostate Cancer Foundation's website was something called Reddit The Fappening. In case you're blissfully unaware, that's a bunch dudes who were directed to the charity website from reddit's r/thefappening page, which catalogues the recent crop of illicitly procured celebrity nude photos. The idea was to alleviate their own guilt by giving to a worthy cause, but to do so in the skeeviest way possible. Bear in mind that they were always welcome to donate as individuals, but wanted to do it in a manner that would draw attention to the phenomenon. The PCF has now wisely decided to refund all the money and keep its own hands clean... so to speak. Hip-hop artist Kanye West was apparently so upset by Jay Pharoah's playful impersonation of him at the MTV Video Music Awards that he contacted the comedian to warn him against making light of serious matters, such as Kanye West. "We ain't gonna have no black comedians going up (on) stage spoofing the people that's working hard to open doors not only for black people, but (for) any creators, anybody that wants to add a contribution to the world," he admitted to having told him. This is where a punchline would normally go, but out of respect for Kanye West, I've decided to forgo one. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson took to Twitter to excitedly inform fans that he will be playing a guy who is not Shazam in the upcoming film based on DC comic series "Shazam". Instead, Johnson will be playing Black Adam, a supervillain you've probably never heard of, but who apparently is kind of cool and gets to wear a less dorky looking suit. My dad was a big Shazam fan, but bak then he Shazam wasn't called Shazam, he was called Captain Marvel. Progressive voters everywhere are currently struggling to figure out a rationale for not trusting their statistician guru Nate Silver, creator of the data analysis website FiveThirtyEight... now that he has crunched his numbers and is predicting that Republicans will not only maintain control of the House of Representatives after the midterm elections in November, but will steal the Senate away from Democrats. I imagine Nate Silver sees the whole world like the scrolling numbers from The Matrix. Good news for fans of literary faithfulness, naked ladies and public humiliation! It turns out that one of the most anticipated nude scenes in HBO's "Game of Thrones" has been approved by the prudish Croatian Film Commission. The scene... which should serve as a huge moment for one of the show's biggest characters, in addition to being a prime opportunity to show female nipples and buttocks for an extended period of time simply has to be filmed far away from the local church. I've never seen "Game of Thrones" but I know from the Internet if I am naked or have a dragon I will be loved & respected. The Walt Disney Company... the greatest company to work for in the world... has decided to pursue legal action to block progressive house music DJ Deadmau5, who is often seen in public in a large full-headed mouse mask that may or may not be reminiscent of a certain animated cultural icon from trademarking his mouse symbol. I wonder which party has the more powerful team of lawyers. According to rumors floating around the tech industry, the upcoming iPhone 6... which is expected to be formally unveiled tomorrow, will function as an electronic wallet, holding all of its owner's digital money. This will make it much easier to purchase items in retail stores and to ruin every aspect of your life when the device slips out of your jacket pocket on the subway. I can't wait for the iPhone 6 to arrive so people can start to feel pointlessly insecure about not having the iPhone 7. Here on the Phile I have an exclusive on what the iPhone 6 will look like. Wanna see it?
Haha. It does have eyes. That is so stupid. So, do you kids take selfies? Apparently people have been taking selfies for a long time, even back in the 1800's according to the movie Sherlock Holmes. Check out this screen shot...
That whole Ice Bucket Challenge thing seems to be slowing down. I had a thought yesterday afternoon, back in my day the Ice Bucket Challenge looked like this...
Great. Now I'm thirsty. Football season started yesterday and the Dallas Cowboys are selling a new poster at their games. Check out this one...
Why would they even think about selling that? That's so weird. Okay, and now for a Mindphuck...
If you spot the Mindphuck email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. So, ever find someone's wallet and get it back to them and were rewarded? Well, apparently our good friend Laird Jim found a wallet and returned it, but he wasn't rewarded. So I thought I'd invite him onto the Phile to tell the story. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man... you know what time it is...
Good morning, humans. I found a wallet in the parking lot of a restaurant by the shore. A little over 750 bucks in it and a driver's license with an address about ten minutes from my place. I ate my dinner, drove to the address and rang the doorbell of an 800K+ home with two Jaguars in the driveway. A woman answered and I asked to speak with the name on the license. She said, "Oh, that's my husband... what is this about?" As I explained and took the wallet of my pocket... she snatched it out of my hand and said... "I hope the money isn't missing!"then slammed the door. Not even a thank you... I walked past the silver Jag to my car, wondering what just happened. I stopped at the end of their driveway... sat on the hood of my car and lit a cigarette. I sat there smoking and staring at the front door. About halfway through my smoke, the door opened and HE stepped out. He looks at me and says, "Something I can help you with? What... you want a reward or something?" I replied, "No... I just wanted to see you so I could be certain." "Oh yeah? Certain of WHAT?" "Certain that cunts come in pairs. Have a great day, dickhead." Then I flicked my cigarette butt onto the hood of the champagne Jag and left.
June 8th, 1933 — September 4th, 2014
Embalming not required.
The 34th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...
Jason Torchinsky will be a guest on the Phile in a few weeks.
Today's pheatured guest is a Phile Alum and a songwriter, guitarist, and vocalist in The Figgs, one of my favorite bands. He has a new solo album out called "The Rapid Shave" which is available on iTunes. Man, I love this album! Please welcome back to the Phile... Mike Gent!
Me: Hey, Mike, welcome back to the Phile. So, how are you?
Mike: I'm great, Jason, thanks for asking.
Me: I have to say, you are looking more and more like Graham Parker with your dark shades every day. Have you seen GP lately?
Mike: I haven't seen Graham since last Spring when I opened some shows with him & The Rumour.
Me: How are The Figgs? Any plans to record a new album this year?
Mike: Well, we are just starting to write and record new material. Hopefully, we will have a record out in early 2015.
Me: Speaking of new albums, I love your new solo album "The Rapid Shave". Where did that title come from?
Mike: I got it from a song title on a jazz record. I don't remember which one!
Me: Who did the cover work?
Mike: The same artist who that did the last Figgs record "The Day Gravity Stopped", Hollie Chastain. She's great.
Me: I just mentioned Graham, and I'll mention him again... he gave you the song "Shutting Down" for the new album. It so sounds like a GP song and I can imagine him singing it, but you rocked it. How did he give you the song?
Mike: I asked him for a song! He sent me a demo of it with just him and an acoustic. I switched the second and last verses around. Besides that, I kept it true to his demo. Same key and everything.
Me: I have a 'band' as well called Strawberry Blondes Forever... and if you want to cover one of our songs, go ahead. I think you would do a kick ass version of "To Catch a Rockband". Lemme know what you think.
Mike: Haha. I will check it out.
Me: Did you write all the other songs on the CD?
Mike: Yes. I co-wrote "The Plot" with my friend John Powhida. He writes great lyrics.
Me: "The Rapid Shave" is not only the album title but your new band's name as well. Who is in the band, Mike?
Mike: Ted Collins on keys, Marc Hickox on bass, Ducky Carlisle on drums.
Me: I have to ask you about "Long After Stan". Who is Stan?
Mike: Stan Lynch of course.
Me: That project is "Long After Dark", Tom Petty's great album recorded by you. What a great idea! How did that project come about?
Mike: I always return to that record for some reason. I think because it came out just as I started attempting to write songs, so it was a big influence. I had a full day to myself with nothing planned so I had a cup of coffee and performed the entire record direct to disc. Some of the songs I learned on the fly that day.
Me: It was recorded in a day, right?
Mike: Yes. My goal was to finish it by 5 pm, which I did.
Me: Is Tom Petty one of your favorites?
Me: Hey, I looked at The Figgs' website back at your old tour dates and the last time you played in Orlando with The Figgs was in 2002 at the Back Booth. Do you remember that show?
Mike: That was part of the Slow Charm tour. Where there people at that show?
Me: I don't know, I wish I was there... Have you played in Orlando since?
Mike: No, I don't think so.
Me: You need to!
Mike: Make it happen.
Me: I listened to the "WTF" podcast with Marc Maron and thought you guys did a great job. Were you aware of Marc before? He's on "Conan" quite a bit.
Mike: I met him a few times in the mid 90s when we both lived in Astoria, Queens.
Me: I have to ask you about Gents Parlour. What is that, Mike? It's a better name than Peverett Phile I have to say.
Mike: That is something I started a few years ago online just to try out new songs, post unreleased songs, and "Long After Stan". I've done a few episodes. I think the network might cancel it.
Me: Alright, so, on the Phile as you know I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics so here we go... What are the largest obstacles preventing you from realizing your dreams?
Mike: Me, myself, & I.
Me: Mike, thanks for coming back on the Phile. Please come back again soon, and tell Pete and Pete I said hello. Take care.
Mike: Thanks, Jason!
That about does it for this entry. Thanks to Laird Jim and Mike Gent. The Phile will be back next Thursday with Brazilian comedian Bruno Motta, and then on Friday Phile Alum the legendary Chas Hodges from Chas & Dave. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker.