Friday, August 15, 2014

Pheaturing Phile Alum Britney Christian

Hey there, welcome to another entry of the Phile. Man, it's storming here in Central Florida. Not Long Island storming, but storming. We don't have any floods yet. The flooding on Long Island was so bad, this happened, people...

Freaking crazy. It is Shark Week after all.  The media learned a valuable lesson in how to cover instances of possible police abuse and corruption when Missouri police roughed up and detained reporters from two different news organizations inside a McDonalds, and targeting another news organization with tear gas while they were attempting to cover a protest outside. Since then, all the news concerning their response to the mysterious death of Michael Brown has been incredibly positive. Great PR work! Okay, I have to tell you guys something. Some Phile behind the scenes stuff, the way my brain works sometimes. I try and pay attention to the news and keep up with current affairs, but sometimes I only half pay attention. When I heard the words Ferguson and protests, I thought something happened at the Craig Ferguson show. I'm an idiot.  Despite clearly needing to lose a few pounds of baby fat, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's 13-month-old daughter North was photographed for her very first fashion shoot with a Chanel brooch and purse.
North West is a year old? It seems like only yesterday she was a glimmer of a human publicity stunt in her mother's eye.  The new edition of the Oxford Dictionaries will feature a slew of new millennial-friendly word-like things. "YOLO," "amazeballs," "cray," "clickbait" and "adorbs" are among the many slang terms which will be receiving undue validity going forward. Just in case you need more reasons to be embarrassed to be alive.  The popular maxim 'As "Entourage" goes, so goes the world' has never been more true than today. Warner Bros. currently has two competing screenplays in development for what will ultimately be a stand-alone Aquaman feature film. It will fit within the same franchise as last year's Man of Steel and the upcoming Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, and will star that guy who play Khal Drogo on "Game of Thrones". As you may remember, this film was predicted on the HBO series back in 2006. Good to know WB have a clear vision.
Aquaman probably already knows this, but new research finds that cetaceans such as dolphins and whales will 'squeal with delight' after completing a task given to them by a trainer or in anticipation of receiving a food treat. Very similar behaviors have been observed in fedora-wearing neck-beards when they get an oblique reference to a comic book or are offered a piece of bacon.  It's almost time for the new season of "Downton Abbey" to premiere overseas (and be illegally torrented in America)! I haver never seen it myself. Anyway, the UK's ITV network is whetting viewers' appetites with some pics from the new season. Unfortunately, they had to take down this photo after it was discovered that someone on-set who is very much into hydration might have gotten a little careless.

Do you see it? I should of saved this for today's Mindphuck.  So, I was flicking through the channels and came across the movie Jaws which I have not seen in a long time. I didn't know Adam West was in it. You don't believe me?

Haha. The movie would of ended so different.  So, do you take selfies? A lot of people think selfies are new, but people have been doing them for a long time. There's all kinds of proof if you watch movies. Take this pic from Raiders of the Lost Ark as an example.

Actually, I stand corrected... that's from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, my favorite of the Indy films.  While we are talking movies... this wasn't planned, this is just a coincidence... do you know who was originally supposed to be in Star Wars? Elvis. Check out this rare publicity photo.

Well, it's Summer and one of the best things you see in Summer is bikinis... actually I don't, I don't really go anywhere. Anyway, all through Summer I have been showing you some different ones that you might not know about. Here is the last and final one I have to show you...

These are chainmail bikini tops custom made by Etsy seller UtopiaArmoury. They are handmade, swim-friendly, waterproof and made from saw-cut bright aluminum and latex-free EPDM rubber. These are supposed to be “extremely comfortable” and light, weighing only a half pound, and tie in the back and at the neck with a wide satin ribbon for the ultimate in comfort and adjustability. A custom top like the one pictured above will set you back $175.  Alright, have you ever had a picture removed from Facebook because they banned it? It has happened to a few people for odd reasons. That's why I started a feature a while ago to show you pictures that Facebook banned, but I'm not afraid to show on the Phile. What a shitty set-up. Anyway, here is the feature I call...

An American woman was banned from Facebook after she posted photos of her son affected with Down's syndrome. The social network, which termed the pictures "inappropriate," has now apologized. Diana Cornwell, from North Carolina, posted the photos of her seven-year-old son competing at a local Special Olympics event on Facebook. When she next logged on, she received messages from the website monitoring team that said the pictures violated its user agreement. Cornwell's account was disabled for three days until she took down the photos. Facebook later apologized for the incident and said "human error" was to blame.

As you know the great Robin Williams passed away the other day. I invited a friend of the Phile to come on and say something about him. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man.... you know what time it is.

The news of Robin Williams' death hit me quick and very hard. I looked up to him greatly when I was younger and I've had the honor of having him as a client as well. I spent several hours alone speaking with him once and have never shared the subject of that conversation with another living soul... nor shall I ever... BECAUSE SOME THINGS ARE JUST FOR ME AND NONE OF YOUR FUCKIN BUSINESS... THAT'S WHY! One of my favorite Robin Williams roles was in a quirky movie called Death To Smoochy. In a scene where he is beaten senseless, Robin (Rainbow Randolph) is asked, "Are you okay?" His reply is priceless and sums it all up, "I don't know... I'm a little fucked up in general... so it's kinda hard to gauge." Now, if you'll all excuse me... I'm going to the pub to drink... if you see me.... stay the FUCK away from me. Thank you...

Good job, Laird. Hahahaha... that has to be one of the funniest Mindphucks ever. It's easy to spot this time. Oh, my Lord. That's funny. You know what else is not funny? Feargal the Shark. Yep, it's Shark Week on the Discovery Channel so I thought I'd invite back to the Phile the one and only...

Me: Hello, Feargal, what stupid jokes do you have for us today?

Feargal: What was the nerd shark's favorite programming language?

Me: I don't know.

Feargal: Jaw-va.

Me: You same punchline yesterday with the what do yuppie sharks drink joke, Feargal. That's cheating.

Feargal: Okay, what is the shark worlds favorite macintosh web browser?

Me: I don't know. Sharkfari?

Feargal: Jawvari.

Me: My answer was better.

Feargal: What was the shark jazz musician's favorite illegal substance?

Me: Illegal substance? I don't know.

Feargal: Reefer!

Me: Okay, I think you're on reefer with this bad jokes. One more, Feargal, this is your last joke, so make it good.

Feargal: Why did the mommy shark and daddy shark get divorced?

Me: I don't know, why did the mommy and daddy sharks get divorced?

Feargal: They no longer loved each other.

Me: That was horrible! Go back to the ocean until next year.

Feargal: I am not gonna celebrate the rest of Shark Week by drinking like a fish and making people run away from me.

Okay, the 33rd book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Lonnie Burr will be a guest on the Phile in a few weeks. Y'know, he was an original Mousekeeter.

Today's pheatured guest is a Phile Alum whose latest EP "Through" is available on iTunes. Please welcome back to the Phile... Britney Christian.

Me: Hello, Britney, welcome back to the Phile. How have you been?

Britney: I’ve been doing amazing! 

Me: It's been five years since you were here, can you believe that?

Britney: Wow, time flies!

Me: You have grown up a lot since then... last time you were here you were just a kid singing "Stupid Boyfriends". Now you are grown up and married, right?

Britney: "Stupid Boyfriends"… Good times! But yes, I am all grown up and married! Or at least married… still working on the grown up part. : )

Me: Congrats! How long have you been married and is he a musician as well?

Britney: We have been married a little over a year now. He isn’t a musician but he is certainly one of the most creative people I know. He’s actually a woodworker and he builds some incredible pieces! 

Me: You're not gonna release a song called "Stupid Husband" are you?

Britney: Haha. Certainly not! LOL. I am quite happily married!

Me: When you were here last you were just in a movie called Hotel For Dogs. Have you done anymore acting?

Britney: I actually gave up acting some time ago. It was really hard to devote my attention to acting and music at the same time and music always comes first for me!

Me: Did you get to hang out with Emma Roberts at all?

Britney: Yeah actually, Emma Roberts and Jake T. Austin were the only other actors on set with me all day so I did spend some time with them. I was sort of disappointed though because Emma wasn’t very friendly.

Me: That's a shame. I am glad you kept on being a singer... your latest EP "Through" is your third release, am I right?

Britney: This is much the third release. I would say this is the first time since my original album back in 2006 that I really got to record everything all at once and watch it come together as a complete project so I really enjoyed that part.

Me: Did you write all the songs on it?

Britney: Absolutely! What I say in my songs is the most important thing to me so I am heavily involved in the songwriting process. “When It Rains It Pours” and “Far From Forgotten” were written solely by me. The other songs I had some cool co-writers like EROCK of Creed.

Me: When you were here last time we talked about how you were a part of something called Milk Rocks... I think that was its name. There was even a milk carton with your pic on it. I have a picture of it right here.

Me: Are you still a part of that organization?

Britney: You are correct on the name! I was the spokesperson for the Milk Rocks campaign for 5 years but the campaign itself ended about 2 years ago. I do miss all the awesome concerts!

Me: Britney, you're from California, right? What part and do you still live there?

Britney: Born and raised in California! I live a little outside of L.A. in a great little beach town.

Me: Okay, let's talk about your music. You won The Next American Star contest winning 25 grand. I hope you didn't spend all that money, did you?

Britney: I did win $25,000 which was pretty sweet! All of the money really went right back into my music.

Me: What was TNAS and where was it?

Britney: Basically they picked 100 bands from all over the country and had fans vote for their favorite online. Then they flew out the top bands for semi-finals. I got to perform at the House of Blues in Dallas, TX for the semi-finals. I won that round and then competed down in Chicago, IL. Basically they rented out a whole street downtown and put on a huge festival. They had some amazing Grammy Nominated judges who picked the winner and they picked me!

Me: There's so many music talent shows on TV now... "American Idol" is my favorite. Do you watch those shows and ever think of trying out to be on one?

Britney: Oh, reality shows… I have tried out for several of the big ones actually. The thing about reality shows is they pick people mainly based on your life story and drama. Talent is probably only 10% of the reason why they cast people. I think my life is just a little too pretty and they aren’t usually a fan of the fact that I’ve already toured and gained a ton of sponsors on my own.

Me: You also took part in something called "High School Musical: Get In the Picture". What was that and did you sing your own songs or songs from "HSM"?

Britney: That actually was a reality show that I was on for 2 episodes and I had a great time doing it! We had to sing the songs they gave us on the show and I wasn’t particularly thrilled with the song they gave me to perform but it was tons of fun regardless.

Me: You had your music on a lot of TV shows, Britney. Is that exciting for you?

Britney: Absolutely! In fact, I’m actually right in the middle of signing a huge deal with a big music licensing company (a partnership between Sony Music and MTV) and they are going to be working hard getting my songs on tons of shows around the world! I’m really excited about that! You heard it here first ;)

Me: Yeah! If you can have your songs in any TV show, what would it be?

Britney: Well, my favorite shows right now are: "New Girl", "Mentalist" and "Once Upon a Time", so it would be awesome to have my songs in any of those! "Grey’s Anatomy" is also a long time favorite so that would be fun.

Me: What's this I read you performed on a Trans Siberian Orchestra album? How did that happen?

Britney: This is true! I performed on their “Night Castle” album. They flew me out to Florida where they were recording and had me sing some fun parts.

Me: Are you a fan of their music?

Britney: Yes! I saw them in concert and it was phenomenal. A must see!

Me: What bands or musicians are you into?

Britney: I listen to a lot of Kelly Clarkson, Katy Perry, Paramore, Christina Aguilera and Adele. I’m also a fan of a lot of country acts like Keith Urban, Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, Band Perry and Hunter Hayes. I love listening to lots of different music though! I pretty much stream a new album on Spotify every day. Right now, I’m streaming John Mayer.

Me: If you can do a duet with anybody, who would it be?

Britney: Tough choice!! I think I’m going to have to go with Keith Urban. I’d about die if I was able to sing with him.

Me: Britney, I think I remember you played guitar, but do you play any other instruments as well?

Britney: I play a bit of piano as well. I also played flute back in middle school and I still pull it out every once in a while for fun.

Me: Do you like just singing on stage, or do you prefer to play an instrument?

Britney: I enjoy doing both! I wouldn’t want to do either one exclusively. I try to mix is up when I perform with a few guitar songs, a few piano songs and a few I can just rock out to.

Me: The new EP "Through" was funded through Kickstarter... a lot of albums and movies and such are funded through Kickstarter. How did you decide that was the route you were gonna take?

Britney: Well, I had all of these songs I wanted to record and really had a vision for the kind of album I wanted to release. It’s really hard to do that without having sufficient funds to pull it off. A friend told me about Kickstarter and I planned it out for months and then finally launched it.

Me: Was it hard to get your fans to fund the EP?

Britney: It was definitely a stressful month, I can tell you that! But everyone really pulled through for me and I exceeded my goal!

Me: Would you do the same thing again?

Britney: If I needed to, I probably would. I’ve been setting aside everything I’ve been making off of this current album to go straight into another one though!

Me: I am sure you play a lot of shows in California, ever go on a national tour? Ever play in Florida?

Britney: I was on a national tour for 5 years but somehow I never played Florida! I’m due for another national tour! I love touring.

Me: What was the best show you ever played?

Britney: Honestly, it’s almost impossible to say. Obviously I’ve played some really big shows at some amazing venues, but none of it beats the fun that I’ve had doing so many school concerts. The energy in those concerts was always such a crazy high!

Me: So, what's next for you, Britney, are you planning your next release already?

Britney: I wouldn’t say I’m planning it already, but I’m definitely still writing! I’d love to release a full album next time so I’m gearing up for that. Right now, I’m really working on promoting this current album!

Me: You have a blog as well, but on Tumblr, am I right? What is your blog about, Britney, and where can someone read it?

Britney: Yes, I do have a blog! It’s called A Ray of Light and I cover everything from stories behind my songs, to relationships, to succeeding in your career and everything in between.  I write one post a week and usually post on Thursday or Friday. Check it out at

Me: I post two days a week. Haha. Okay, so, on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics... ready? If you can master one instrument which would it be?

Britney: Definitely guitar! I’d love to just shred some amazing guitar solos like Orianthi. She is hardcore!

Me: Britney, thanks for being back on the Phile. I hope this was fun, and please come back. Congrats again on your marriage.

Britney: Always! Thanks for having me.

Okay, that does it for this entry. Thanks to Laird Jim and of course Britney Christian. The Phile will be back next Thursday with YouTuber Graham Wood whose video for his song "We Didn't Own An iPad" has over 2 million views. And on Friday it's Michael Mantlo, brother of Bill Mantlo who created Rocket Raccoon. So, spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker.

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