Thursday, August 21, 2014

Pheaturing Graham Wood

Hey there, welcome to another entry of the Phile. How are you? Let's start off with some movie news. Beloved British actors Benedict Cumberbatch and Idris Elba will both be playing the villainous tiger Shere Khan in upcoming live action film adaptations of Rudyard Kipling's classic story "The Jungle Book". Elba will play the terrifying jungle cat in a Jon Favreau-directed version for Disney, while Cumberbatch will give his interpretation in Andy Serkis' directorial debut for Warner Bros. It's a good time to be a fan of BBC detective dramas/imperialist anthropomorphic children's books. You know, if Benedict Cumberbatch is not in the movie you are watching, you can call him and he will come over and watch it with you.  Texas Gov. Rick Perry proudly walked through crowds of adoring supporters toward the Travis County Courthouse in Austin, where he turned himself in on felony accusations of abuse of power before smugly posing for his mugshot and triumphantly promising the nation that he would be vindicated. Obviously, this led many to wonder if this signals the end of his presidential ambitions. Did you see his mugshot? Check it out.

His mugshot is the Texas politician's version of young Ray Liotta popping his arrest cherry in Goodfellas. He's a big boy now.  Former President George W. Bush one-upped spoil sport Barack Obama by accepting the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge for which he was nominated by his daughter, Jenna Bush Hager. Well, kind of. His wife Laura actually accepted the challenge on his behalf. Probably in retribution for eight years of forced smiles and dealing with the subtle smell of decay wafting from Dick Cheney at all times. I did the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge myself the other day. So, you can all stop, it's officially not cool anymore. Haha. Actually, don't stop. I actually challenged Kelly Clarkson to do it, but then again so did Reba bloody McEntire. Anyway, dunk a bucket of ice water over your head and donate to  Mo'ne Davis, the 13 year old pitcher for South Philadelphia's Taney Dragons who many believe has what it takes to break the gender barrier in Major League Baseball just became the first Little League player to grace the cover of Sports Illustrated. Her fast ball has been clocked at 71 mph, which would be like a 93 mph pitch on a standard MLB field. So, no, you wouldn't be hitting it. The secretly great part of rooting for Mo'ne Davis that we can actively root against other children without guilt. Get bent, tweens!  According to a new study, American workers... who already get considerably less time away from work than workers in many other countries, are barely using the vacation time they get. Employees currently use only about 51 percent of their paid leave, and 61 percent of the people who do take time away are still attempting to get work done while they should be resting. This is what they call "the American work ethic," or in other countries, "being a dumbs."  Sarah Palin, a woman who made a career out of performing as a folksy, hyper-realistic version of a real-life politician, has taken issue with Tina Fey for doing her Sarah Palin impression a couple times on "Saturday Night Live". In an updated version of the book "Live From New York", Palin is quoted as saying: "If I ran into Tina Fey again today, I would say: 'You need to at least pay for my kids' braces or something from all the money that you made off of pretending that you're me! My goodness, you capitalized on that! Can't you contribute a little bit? Jeez!'" Still waiting for Sarah Palin to tell me how to feel about the situation in Ferguson. And I'm still waiting for Sarah Palin to do the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.  This is a crazy story I have to tell you... Robert Burt, a 19 year old Maine resident, was arrested for a DUI back in June. For that offense, he was sentenced to spend 48 hours in Somerset County Jail, which he served earlier this month. When he showed up for his two days of court-ordered incarceration, he was wearing a t-shirt featuring the mugshot from his initial arrest, along with the words: "Burt Family Reunion 8/8 – 8/10/2014." So I suppose means that there was at least one other member of the Burt clan residing in the facility at the time. And just in case you're worried that young Mr. Burt wasn't taking this drunk driving offense as seriously as he maybe should, don't worry. According to the shirt, he went to the trouble of getting the reunion "sponsored by Bud Light and Somerset County Sheriff," so he clearly put in some administrative effort into the whole ordeal. I wonder what Robert Burt's next mugshot might look like.

So, I'm a tree drinker, okay. I'm from England and love my tea. I saw this ad which makes me not wanna drink tea anymore.

A Phile reader sent me this picture the other day...

He said it was very funny, but I don't get it at all. What team is that guy playing for, why is he running with a cat and why is he at Publix why is Paul Blart: Mall Cop chasing him? I do not get it at all. Can someone explain? This is very annoying. Moving on... but email me me if you know what it means. By the way, football season is just a few weeks away, and I'm wearing my New York Giants Championship t-shirt. I hope I will get a new one next year.  I have to show you something which is not funny, but I get questions on where I lived in England... I found this picture on-line and wanted to show it.

That's Burford in the front and in the back is Fulbrook the village where we lived from 1984 tip 1987. Beautiful, right? It's miles away from the nearest comic book shop though.  I saw this picture the other day as well of an UPS delivery person...

I have never seen a UPS employee like this. I might need to start ordering more stuff from Amazon. Haha. Okay, and now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is this week's...

Top Phive Things Overheard During Rick Perry's Mughsot
5. Beautiful! That's the perfect look of smug disdain.
4. Rethinking the death penalty for minor felonies, sir?
3. The suit jacket and tie with the neon Speedo and Chuck Taylors was an interesting choice...
2. While you're here would you care to take the Ice Bucket Challenge?
And the number one thing overheard during Rick Perry's mugshot...
1. The best part is, if you beat this rap, you can use the photo on your campaign posters!

This is a hard one. If you spot the Mindphuck email me at Okay, so the big craze this week it seems is the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Well, a friend of the Phile wanted to come on and say something about it. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. You know what time it is...

I feel a need to vent here... I know... GEE, what a surprise, Jim... you almost NEVER do that. Just got through setting a good friend straight who made the large type error of trying to call me out on something. I'll explain... She calls me up and says, "I'm placing your name in the hat for that Ice Bucket Challenge." "Please don't... I'm not interested." "Oh come on, what's wrong with you? It's for a good cause... Don't you ever do anything for charity? Are you THAT cold and self centered?" I SNAPPED!!! "How dare you? You have NO fucking idea how much of my salary I donate every year to various charities! How much of my time and services I give to causes, charities and sick kids! Who the fuck are you coming at like that? You should know what you're talking about before you even THINK about opening your mouth! Besides... this whole Ice Water Challenge is a bunch of selfie taking photo ops for people who wanna jump on this ribbon wearing, LOOK AT ME, I'M HELPING OUT bullshit. Wanna help people? Fine... DO it and then shut the fuck up about it. Stop looking for a statue of you to be built in the village square just because you wrote a hundred dollar check and dumped a bucket of ice & water on your head for your latest profile picture and status update." Fucking IDIOTS! Grrrrrrrrrr...

Good job, Laird. I was gonna challenge you as well. Whew! Haha. Okay, the 33rd book to be pheatured in the Peverett Phile book Club is...

Lonnie Burr will be a guest on the Phile next Friday. He's an original Mousketeer, you know.

Don Pardo
February 22nd, 1918 — August 18th, 2014
Saturday Night De... no. Wait. I can't do that. That's ridiculous. What have I become? Just going for the obvious? No. This pheature has a long, proud tradition of finding the funniest blurb I can from a giant pile of steaming obvious. It's time to kick it up a notch. Time to light the collective fire under my ass, and come up with something more than good. Something GREAT. Here we go: Dammit. Nothing. Fuck. Sorry.

Okay, today's pheatured guest is the creator and writer for the YouTube video "We Didn't Own An iPad" which has over 2,000,000 views already. I love it, it's so clever, so I invited him onto the Phile. Please welcome to the Phile... Graham Wood.

Me: Hello, Graham, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Graham: I'm marvelous thanks, Jason. I'm sitting here with just my boxers on with a free standing fan cooling me off. It's been in the 30s today and I haven't stop bloody moaning about it. I'm British by the way.

Me: So, is this your first American based interview?

Graham: It is indeed. I have done one for a national paper and hit the dizzy heights of doing one for the local rag, but it is my first one across the water. Do you think we may need a translator as being a man I don't own a fanny, but I believe I owned one of these bags back in the 80s.

Me: We don't need a translator. Haha. I don't know how I came across your music video "We Didn't Own An iPad" but I am glad I did. It made me laugh and get teary eyed. How long did it take for you to write that song, Graham?

Graham: It actually took me longer to sieve through all the images that I wanted to use than it did to write the song and edit the video. Every other image that came up courtesy of Google sent me down another avenue of nostalgia and I'd just sit in front of my laptop like a grinning twat reminiscing things relating to the said image. However, to write the song was a matter of a few hours and the editing of the video was considerably less. I'm so touched that so many people have said that they have also laughed and cried at the video as this is something I could only have dreamt of achieving. 

Me: I want to talk to you about some things mentioned in the song, and I will in a minute. Where are you from in England, Graham?

Graham: I am currently living in Cheshunt, Hertfordshire, UK, but was born in Enfield, north London and lived there up until 12 years ago.

Me: I was born in London, grew up on Long Island, went back to England where I lived in Oxford from '84 to '87 and then moved here to Orlando, Florida. Ever been to American before?

Graham: There is a phrase us Brits like to use now and again to express our opinion of the luck of another person, 'Jammy bastard'. And that, Jason, is exactly what you are for living where you do. I can't believe we have had to do this interview via email. Couldn't you have paid for me to come over to you and do it one on one whilst whizzing around on Space Mountain? I have been to Florida five times and done all the touristy things, Disney, Universal, Sea World... BUT, being the greedy monkey that I am, my highlight every time I go is, and always will be is, Ponderosa restaurant. Am I being laughed at by all my American cousins right now or are we in agreeance that Ponderosa do the best steaks on the planet?

Me: I don't think I have ever been inside a Ponderosa...

Graham: In my defence I only have the rubbery shite cows arses that the majority of our supermarkets offer over here to compare to. Then again Australian steaks are up there too. I have had many a debate with friends regarding the quality of food that your country has to offer with me fervently defending your culinary delights. Hang about I'm talking too much about food aren't I?Pause interview while I pop to the fridge.

Me: Okay, so, you have a pretty good voice, and you are a very talented songwriter. When did you decide you wanted to write sings, record them and make YouTube videos?

Graham: Thanks for the kind words, but I always feel that my voice is just plan old average and I just write lyrics that any old Joe public could write if they really wanted to. I never planned to write a song/video that so many would take to their hearts and turn viral, that was just pure luck. I used to be in a indie pop band Croft, throughout the 90s/early 2000s and we played all the usual shit holes around London. I am still really good friends with all members and in particular Andy Barker, our bass player. Several years after Croft disbanded Andy asked myself and the other Croft members if we wanted to reform and record a Christmas song which we duly did and this was the start of a bit of a tradition with us recording Christmas songs over the next few years while releasing one for charity. Since then myself and Andy have collaborated on many videos with him being the music behind all the tracks. Away from our novelty collaborations Andy is a serious musician who is part of a very popular ukulele band, S.O.U.P, and folk/roots outfit, The Doomed Bird Of Providence.    

Me: What did your wife think when you told her that idea, or are you like me, just do it, and then tell her?

Graham: I never tell my wife about any of the content of my music/video projects, but she is always the first to view the finished product... Whether she wants to or not! Poor cow!!

Me: Your "We Didn't Own An iPad" video had already had over 2,000,000 hits. That's very impressive! How did it get so bloody popular?

Graham: If I bloody knew that I would have hundreds of other videos with the same amount of views and be living on my own island. Seriously though, I believe it's a nostalgia thing. I don't know anyone who doesn't like to reminisce about the past especially their childhood. Actually I do know of someone who doesn't like speaking of the past and ironically it's no other than the man behind the music to the iPad song, Mr Andrew Barker. Strange but true. He's help create the one thing that he's really not that keen on. Oh the irony.

Me: When did you first post it, Graham?

Graham: March 8th, 2013. That date isn't in bedded in my brain by the way I just had to check it on YouTube.

Me: You need to release the music on iTunes, or somewhere. People would buy your songs, I know I would. Record an album or EP! Have you thought of that already?

Graham: Your certainly right about the interest in the iPad song as it seemed that every other post on YouTube wanted to know where they could buy it. The management company that I am with via YouTube, Viral Spiral, actually went through the procedure of trying to release it, but as Mr. Billy Joel owns the rights they physically could not get in touch with him to get the permission required. Whilst Googling Bill I found out that he is actually quite partial to administering a court case or two, so I'm quite happy for us not to have realise it. I like living under a roof thanks. DAMN YOU, MR. JOEL ;-)

Me: Okay, I want to talk to you about other songs and videos you have done, but first let's talk about the iPad one. So, do you own an iPad now?

Graham: Can't afford one. If Mr. Billy Joel pulled his finger out I might well be able to!

Me: And who plays the ukulele on the track?

Graham: That'll be the one and only nostalgia hating, Andrew Barker. I can't stipulate enough that I believe his production of the music is as a bigger part of the song as any of the images and lyrics. In my opinion he emulates a child's TV theme from the 70s and 80s and that has helped create the right feel for the song.

Me: You mention Timmy Mallet and "Wacaday". American readers won't know who he is, Graham. Haha. When I first moved to Florida I was working at Epcot (I still work at Disney going on 27 years) and saw him doing a film shoot in the Germany pavilion. Back then I didn't know I couldn't ask for autographs when I was working, but I asked him. Mallet of all people. Anyway, does he still show up on TV?

Graham: There's that phrase again, Jason, 'Jammy Bastard'. Working at Disney for 27 year? As for Timmy, he appeared on our UK screens a couple of years ago on a reality show that I believe you also have, entitled "I'm a Celebrity Get Me Outta Here", but I believe he disappeared of our screen around the early 90s. For the American readers Timmy Mallet was a Saturday morning kids presenter who would hit children on the head with a mallet. Hang about that sounds a bit wrong doesn't it? It's true though! He is actually currently a very talented and accomplished artist and compulsive shit shirt wearer. I really don't have a bad word to say against Sir Timmy as he has aided me recently in a charity project involving an excellent children's charity and the iPad song. I will mention it later and make an appeal if you'd be so kind as to allow me?

Me: Yes, of course, Graham. And we don't have that TV show over here. Two of the people you mentioned in the song I have interviewed, Graham. Roland Rat, who I interviewed twice, and Chas Hodges from Chas and Dave. You must of been a kid when Roland first came on TV. How old are you, Graham?

Graham: 40 + 3 -1 x 2 -30 + 4 - 18 = ? Answers on a postcard please. Also, boring fact of the day for your readers. Chas Hodges was born in Edmonton, just a few miles from Enfield and Dave, from Chas N Dave fame, was actually born in Enfield. Both occasion perform in local pubs in the area. Is that the sound of snoring I can hear from your readers???

Me: Maybe, but not from me. That's cool! You also mentioned Angie and Den from "Eastenders"... I saw Dirty Den at Epcot once as well. How did yo think of all three shows and different things? Did you write a list first and then put them together to see what rhymes?

Graham: Dirty Den and Timmy Mallet, hey? It sounds like you get to see a lot of A-lister celebs in your line of work ;-) That's a sarcastic cheeky wink by the way. Yes, you're spot on re-creating the song. That's exactly what I did. Being a gardener by occupation I have a lot of thinking time behind the lawn mower so when something from my past crept into my tiny brain I would enter it into my phone as it wouldn't stay in my nut for to long. Once I had a wide range of subjects the poetry began. There was actually quite a lot that was left out, but when you only have a 4 minute song to play with where are you going to fit it all?

Me: I laughed wheat you said about Anneka Rice's ass. Is she still on TV?

Graham: No. Unfortunately! "Corrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" said in sleazy Carry-On film style.

Me: You mentioned Teletexting in the chorus... I vaguely remember Teletexting. What exactly was it, Graham?

Graham: It was great. Think of a poor mans Internet through your TV. If you wanted to go on holiday you'd sit mesmerised for hours looking at your telly. You had hundreds of pages of holiday destinations to choose from, but due to a limited time of which each page would stay on the screen you would have to pause the page of your choice. If you wasn't quick enough with that pause finger button technique then you'd have to sit and wait an age for the bloody page to return. I actually remember seeing some cracking deals on there for Florida fly drives for £49 for 2 weeks. I kid you not, 49 English pounds for a flight and a car to the US. Shame, we would've had to have flown that night, but we both had work the following day. You could also get sports results and weather from the service. Bring it back I say!!!!! Actually Teletex is still running as a holiday website, but where's the fun in not using your pause finger button technique?

Me: You got to perform the song on stage, which I think you did a good job at. I am surprised you didn't run out of breath. Were your nervous singing live? Have you played live since?

Graham: About a month after iPad was aired a musician friend of mine asked if myself and Andy would like to perform the song at a gig that he was performing at in a pub in Enfield. I must say that I toyed with the idea for quite sometime as I hadn't performed live since around ten years earlier and that was with a full band. We eventually gave in and performed it to a packed and very warm crowd, but we had no visuals just a microphone and a ukulele. The performance that I believe you have seen was from January this year and another request from someone via YouTube asking us to perform at a variety show in aid of a local hospital. On that occasion we performed two songs along with visuals and I don't mind telling you that on that evening my arse was pouting like a hungry trout, as when you are playing along with a screen for your audience to see there is no room for error. Thankfully both songs went without a hitch and we was blown away by the reception that we got. You may have seen me get a tad excited at the end.

Me: Yeah, at the end of live performance you leapt around on stage like a crazy person. You must of been excited and surprised you did so well, am I right? Or did you have to take a piss? Haha.

Graham: You say take a piss, I would say taking the piss (maybe a British phrase? Definition, mocking). Whenever I have performed in the past I have always relished in getting any form of reaction from an audience whether it be negative or positive, preferable positive. On this occasion the event in question actually over ran by a huge amount and everyone in the theatre seemed to be getting quite restless towards the end. Along with the over run the evening had it's fair share of technical faults too which ended in me mocking the poor sound engineer much to the amusement of some of the crowd. Anyway, we were closing the show so once we had finished our last song and stood amazed at how everyone enjoyed it I began my little 'crazy' run around which was part glad it was over/milking the crowd as of a way of relief that the whole event was finally coming to an end and we could all go home to bed. I must add that we did thoroughly enjoy that gig and are in talks again to perform again next year.

Me: Oh, another reference I have to ask you about... you showed a weatherman and said "Michael Fish lying pratt." What was that about? He lied about the weather?

Graham: Poor Michael Fish. Back in 1987 there was strong rumours that some severe storms were due across the UK. Mr. Fish appeared on his usual weather report one night claiming that all the rumours were false and "not to worry", then low and behold a few hours later we was hit by the worse storms seen in the UK for three centuries. Michael was and has always been a bit of a laughing stock since that fateful night. I know I was harsh with my line in the song and if he's reading this I truly apologies as in fact he made a 13 year old boy very happy. Our school was closed the following day. Arise Sir Michael Fish!!  

Me: Okay, so, the iPad song is a Weird Al like parody song of Billy Joel's song "We Didn't Start the Fire". Are you a Billy Joel fan?

Graham: NO! Well, I would be if he gave us the rights to release the song ;-)

Me: What music do you like?

Graham: Growing up in the 80s I was a massive Erasure/Vince Clarke/elctro pop fan. Moving through to the 90s, The Stone Roses, Suede and I guess a fair bit of Brit pop. I'm also partial to a hefty slice of the Smiths, The Cure, Stones and the Beatles amongst far too much to mention here unless you want an interview to match the content of "War and Peace". Lyrically I have been inspired by the likes of Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine and Billy Bragg. I'm a sucker for a clever rhyming pun. I think that It must be an age/me thing as at present, and for the last 10 plus years, I don't seem to get excited or have the passion for any one particular artist. No new artist out there makes me want to get off my arse and go and see them at a gig and certainly not in these god awful massive arenas either! PS: I'm a bit of a miserable sod.

Me: I have a music project called Strawberry Blondes Forever... check us out on iTunes. Anyway, I was thinking of doing parody songs, but decided to write original songs instead. Your other songs are original, right?

Graham: Love the band name, I'm guessing you may have a tinge of ginge on your head? I will definitely check you guys out. Re our other songs. iPad song aside there is another parody amongst our videos, "The Annoying Song". This is a take of a Del Amitri song entitled "Nothing Ever Happens". The other songs on my YouTube channel are originals with our James Bond mocking tune written and performed by my old band, Croft.

Me: I loved "The Annoying Song". I get annoyed by a lot of stuff as well. What was the first song you wrote, Graham?

Graham: I can't claim to have been a child prodigy that wrote hundreds of songs before the age of 10. Actually I probably did write a few silly poems back then involving the usual childish boyhood things including private parts and bogies, but that's it. I think I actually wrote my first song when I was 18 in a friends garage. It consisted of lyrics involving 'Lionel Blair' and was full of bum notes. The song was called "What's He On?' I performed the song live with my friends in Andrew's parents garden in November whilst I was dressed as Father Christmas. Why? Well, that's just how us British teenagers rolled in the 90s.

Me: One of my favorite songs and video you did is "If You Grow Old With Me". That's a proper filmed video. Where was it filmed and did you know those people in it?

Graham: It was filmed on location in Watham Cross (about a mile from my home town) and I deny all knowledge of everyone else in the video. No seriously, everyone who starred in the video are my friends with Andrew's mum and dad being the leads in the mobo carts. My wife and two children are in there too along with my good old mum and let's not forget Roy Orbison.

Me: I have a screenshot of the video here...

Me: Other people sing on it, right? Is that your wife singing?

Graham: Believe you me you'd know if my wife was singing on the track. Not so much of a voice like an angel, but more of a voice like an angle grinder. The lady in question on the track is my other good friend and Andrew's wife, Tracy Barker, also seen riding in the shopping trolley in the video. I wrote the song with a duet in mind and she had guested on a previous track we had recorded so I asked her nicely and she had nothing better to do so duly helped me out.

Me: Are you gonna make more videos like that one?

Graham: To be honest that was the first video we had 'acted' in since our Christmas video over 4 years earlier and I have been quite happy creating videos that have a high turnover of visuals and no real humans pratting around in. The original idea for the "If You Grow Old With Me" video was going to yet again be a fast visual one, but then I had a vision of having a mature couple riding mobility carts around and the rest just followed. In my opinion any video that features mobo carts or Segways always gives it a humorous touch.

Me: Was it fun to film?

Graham: Hell, yeah. Where else would you want to be other than acting a prat in your local town at 8am on a Sunday morning and being surrounded by your friends and family whilst passerbyes are sounding their car horns and looking at you as if you had just landed from Mars??

Me: And do you really have "Where's Waldo"... or "Where's Wally" boxers?

Graham: Ha Ha! Them sexy little bad boys were specifically brought for the humourous touch to enhance my annoyingly low worn tracksuit bottoms. I might model them for the new Graham Wood 2015 calendar though. I can see them featuring on August.

Me: Oh, another thing about the iPad video... I loved it you showed the test card at the end. Do they still show that on TV?

Graham: Sadly not, Jason. We do have some channels that close down after a certain time, but they just have a boring message informing you as to when the channel will reopen.

Me: I wonder where that little girl is now. She might be dead, Graham. They used to show that test card when I was a kid. How did you find that picture?

Graham: Let's make an appeal to bring back the test card on our screens with the original girl as she looks now and with that bloody game of noughts and crosses finished! She is thankfully still with us and is now 58 years of age. I found out that fact thanks to Google, the same method I used for finding the image for the iPad vid. Google and the Internet is good, but I can't see it catching on ;-)

Me: So, do you have any other videos or songs planned?

Graham: I'm actually in the very early stages of creating our first parody since iPad.

Me: So, on the Phile I like to ask random questions thanks to a card game called Tabletopics. Ready? What are the most important qualities you look for in friends?

Graham: Someone that likes people wearing "Where's Wally" pants, wallows in the past, likes riding in shopping trolleys and can endure a lot of nonsense being spoken 24/7. Failing that, someone who is fun and honest.

Me: You know, you gotta write a song about America and come to Florida to make a video. I would help you. Whatcha think?

Graham: Well, I think we have worked out by now that I kinda like Florida just a tiny bit so you can rest assure that I'll be booking that flight ASAP, or as soon as you send over my expenses cheque ;-) It can be all about Disney. Can I shoot the entire video in Disney? Can you arrange it for me and you to be on one of the floats in the parade? "It's time to remember the magic". LET'S THAT MAKE THIS SHIT HAPPEN!!!

Me: I don't know if we can shoot at Disney...maybe. But you can't be on a float. Haha. Graham, thanks so much for being on the Phile. Was it fun? I hope it was. I think you're really talented and you might have a big career ahead of you.

Graham: Jason, I have thoroughly enjoyed it thanks and it has helped me with my typing skills. I have gone from a one fingered wonder to a two. Thank you again for your kind words and I think you might be right about that big career of mine, as long as that grass keeps growing they are going to need a gardener to cut it ;-)

Me: Go ahead and tell the readers where they can see your videos and your YouTube channel. Do you have a website?

Graham: I mentioned earlier in the interview about a charity appeal that I'd like to make to your readers so here it is...  Towards the end of last year I spoke to a brilliant children's charity,, regarding an idea I had of me getting in touch with anyone starring/connected to my "We Didn't Own an iPad" video and getting their autographs. I would then be looking to make a collage out of all accumulated signatures, framing them and then handing it over to Starlight to auction at one of their highly elaborate galas. If you have seen the video you would know that this ranges from A-list superstars, pop stars, sporting legends to TV advert actors and voice over stars. My plea to you all out there is this... If you have a connection of anyone mention in the video, no matter how tenuous, then it would be great if you could possible gain contact and get their autograph and pass it onto me via Jason. I particularly would like the celebrity in question to sign 'I Didn't Own an iPad" followed by their signature, but failing that just their signature would be brilliant. I must admit that it's not going to well with a lot of celebrities in question only being able to be contacted through agents that don't like charity requests. However, I do have a couple and one just so happens to be that of one that you mentioned you also have, Jason, Mr. Timmy Mallet. So PLEASE if anyone out there knows anyone who knows of someone who knows of someone else who has David Hasslehoff as a second cousin, or if your next door neighbours half brother's wife went to school with Chunk from the Goonies then please do get in contact. The charity in question is such a worth while cause with them creating wishes for children who are seriously or terminally ill. Thank you all so much in your co-operation in this request and apologies for me going on and on. If it makes you feel any better just think of what my poor wife who has to put up with from day to day. PS: If anyone is interested in seeing any of my videos that Jason has mentioned then you can see them all by hitting this link... My personal fav is the one featuring my son, Louis.

Me: Good luck with everything, Graham, thanks again, take care, and please come back on the Phile again soon.

That about does it for another great interview. Thanks to Laird Jim and to Graham Wood. I would love to have him back on the Phile again. And now I want to interview Timmy Mallet and Anneka Rice. Anyway, the Phile will be back tomorrow with Michael Mantlo, brother of Bill Mantlo who co-created Rocket Raccoon. So, spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker.

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