Monday, August 26, 2013

Pheaturing Chocolate Robots

Hello, and welcome to the Phile, how are you doing? So, last night "Breaking Bad" was on, and the MTV VMA's. If you don't know, "Breaking Bad" is a fictional show about meth. The VMA's are a collection of people on meth. I'm looking at you, Miley Cyrus. I was too tired to stay up to watch the VMA's last night, but I saw clips this morning. How old is Miley? That's what I wanna know. In a way it's hot, but in a way I'm confused. Didn't she used to sing about ice cream? I'm sure I'll talk about Miley in a minute again.  A couple of days ago they found a great white shark dead on a subway car in New York, and today he's chowder at Red Lobster. Yep, they found him on surveillance tape going down the stairs and through the turnstile. He seemed perfectly healthy. A shark in the subway. This is what happens when you don't have stop-and-frisk. The police had an autopsy done on the shark, and they found a tourist from Cincinnati. The shark was apparently in town for shark week.  Do you like Oreos? I don't really. But you have your regular Oreos and they have Double Stuf Oreos. Somebody measured the things, and it turns out there is not twice the amount of stuff as in the regular Oreos. No double ammonium bicarbonate, no double thiamine mononitrate, no double calcium phosphate. Now if you are at home measuring stuff in an Oreo, you should take a long, hard look at your life. I'll tell you something else right now, we wouldn't have to worry about stuff like this if New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie was president.  Would-be New York Jets starting quarterback Mark Sanchez wasted no time getting himself on the injured list and ruining every Jets fan's night after being sent in during the fourth quarter of the preseason game against the New York Giants. Sanchez replacing another would-be starting quarterback Geno Smith who had been ruining every Jets fan's night by shitting the bed all over the field up until then.  The NSA has admitted that some of its agents have on occasion been caught using their government-trained surveillance skills to spy on their spouses and parters, a practice that the agency calls LOVEINT. Though, to be fair, who's to say that the guy some agent's wife is meeting in a hotel room by the interstate isn't delivering "sensitive" material? LOVEINT is the new boombox in the rain.  Marvin Gaye's family has turned down a six-figure settlement from Robin Thicke concerning his song "Blurred Lines," which just so happens to sound a crazy amount like Gaye's "Got To Give It Up." Instead, the family will continue with its planned lawsuit, despite a preemptive lawsuit from Thicke, so that the memory of this unpleasantness can linger for-seemingly-ever even if you want to get it out of your head. Just like the song in question. The first time I heard Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines", I thought that's so Gaye.  Back to Miley, I will never look at a foam finger at a baseball stadium the same way ever again. Who ever put her bit on the show was a genius. It had little people, and strippers. Check it out if you can read this...

Have you seen the new McDonald's ad? It's pretty brave of them.

Fuck salad. I don't think I ever had a salad at McDonald's. Speaking of ads, there's a new biker safety ad out that I thought was interesting. This is 100% real, people.

Lucky bloody biker.  Alright, it's still summer and all through summer I have been showing you some phascinating swimming pools and I have another one for you.

In the town of Ouray, Colorado, (population 877) there is a hot spring swimming pool that is kept at a comfortable 96-106 degree temperature year round. pretty impressive considering Ouray's elevation is 2375m (around 7,800 feet) above sea-level. Nice, I'd go to that. Let's now take a look at Miley Cyrus from last night...

Keep staring, guys. And now for some sad news...

Julie Harris
Dec 2, 1925 - Aug 24, 2013
She won five Tony Awards, three Emmy Awards and a Grammy Award, and was nominated for an Academy Award. And yet... and I'm not kidding here, I don't recognize a SINGLE thing she was in.

Alright, with everyone talking about the Miley Cyrus performance on TV last night, I thought it'll be fun to invite a phriend of the Phile to come on and talk about it. So, please welcome back patriot, singer, renaissance man man... you know what time it is.

Jason, I stopped watching and caring about the content of MTV programming when they stopped focusing on music. I have far more important things to worry about in my life. Just sayin'... But I just watched it on Youtube because I was curious as to what all the hoopla was over. A.) Ewwwww... B.) When did Charlie Sheen become her manager? C.) If Billy Ray green lighted this idea, he is the worst father since Wood Allen. D.) It was so far beyond dreadful, it'd take the LIGHT from dreadful 70 thousand years to reach it. Billy Ray is sitting on a barstool somewhere screaming "I knew I shoulda throwed her ass in one a them there convents when she quitted that Hannah Muntanuh show!" Oh... and one more thing. SHE LOOKED LIKE DAVID SPADE IN DRAG!

It's 10:13, 83°F and Kelly Clarkson is getting married…but she's not pregnant. The pop singer revealed to People magazine that she and fiancĂ© Brandon Blackstock had decided to elope rather than put on a big party. Soon after, rumors began swirling that she had decided to elope thanks to baby news. But Kelly put the speculation to rest through a post on Twitter. "FYI…Brandon & I are getting married & no I am not pregnant, we are eloping for one reason only. We both want an intimate ceremony." Hmmm... maybe she won't get married after all.

Okay, now for something a little more serious. Gun safety laws are coming up again and someone special wanted to come on the Phile and talk about it. He is the author of the book "Walking In Daniel's Shoes". Please welcome to the Phile... from Littleton, Colorado... Tom Mauser.

Me: Hello, Tom. Welcome to the Phile. I am so sorry about your son. For the people that don't know, can you tell us something about Daniel?

Tom: Jason, my son, Daniel, was a smart, quiet kid. He'd just become a straight-A student, and he was overcoming his shyness as a new member of the debate team.

Me: And for those that don't know, which I doubt there's anybody out there that don't, can you tell us what happened to Daniel?

Tom: On April 20th, 1999, my beautiful and bright 15-year-old son was killed by two teenagers with guns in the library of Columbine High School.

Me: How many kids were killed that day, Tom?

Tom: Daniel was one of 12 innocent kids who lost their lives for no reason at all.

Me: It's been quite a few years since that day, it seems like yesterday. What has the years since Columbine been like for you, sir?

Tom: It's been 14 years since that horrible day... fourteen years of fighting so no family has to grieve like ours did.

Me: Since then there has been many tragedies like this. I won't name them all, but there's been quite a few. Do you think Congress has done anything?

Tom: These tragedies keep happening, and so far, Congress has failed to take common-sense action to stop them... even though nine in 10 Americans have agreed that expanding background checks would help close the loopholes that put guns in the hands of dangerous people and prevent future violence. 

Me: The other day there was a Day of Action, right? What was that about?

Tom: Jason, OFA and allied organizations stood up for a national Day of Action to ask members of Congress: What will it take to finally act to prevent gun violence?

Me: In the last fourteen years I can't imagine how much you life has changed, Tom, for you and your family.

Tom: The evening of the shooting at Columbine High was the most hopeless I've ever felt. Since Daniel's death, I've found a way to honor him: by trying to prevent other families from feeling this pain.

Me: You are a better man than I am, sir. Daniel was 15 when he was killed, my son is almost 14 and if anything ever happened to him like what happened to Daniel it'll be good-bye Jason. You have done so much.

Tom: Thank you.

Me: Tell the readers what kinda stuff you have been doing?

Tom: I've advocated locally and nationally for smarter gun laws... even helping achieve a statewide ballot victory here in Colorado.

Me: I wasn't gonna mention any other mass shootings, but I have to ask you what did you feel like back when you heard about the Newtown shootings last year?

Tom: In December, when I heard about the shooting in Newtown, I sat in my office and broke down. I was watching another community torn apart by guns... more parents grieving, more kids who would never see graduation, or a wedding, or a family of their own. And in the wake of another tragedy, nine in 10 Americans agreed that it was time to act.

Me: What changes do you think need to be done?

Tom: Expand background checks to close the loopholes that put guns in the hands of dangerous people.

Me: And Congress is still doing nothing...

Tom: Congress disappointed us, putting politics above the safety of our kids. That's why we're asking: How many parents will have to go through what I did before we say "enough"?

Me: Is there anything my readers could do to help?

Tom: Tell Congress you're going to keep asking until they act.

Me: Thank you, Tom. Please come back on the Phile again. I'm gonna add your book "Walking In Daniel's Shoes" right now to the Phile's Book Club. It's available in stores and on Amazon.

Tom: Thank you, Jason.

Me: Thank you, Tom, and God bless to you and your family. Daniel would be proud of you.

Damn it, I'm tearing up. Most of the times I think why the hell am I doing this stupid little blog? It's not really that funny, and is kinda pointless and a waste of the time. But then I meet someone and get to chat to someone like Tom Mauser and I realize some good can come out of this little thing. Please pick up his book. Speaking of books...

The now 29th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Yesterday I said Dr. Beverly will be a guest on the Phile in a few weeks, but she'll be a guest on the Phile a week from today.

Today's pheatured guests were originally supposed to be on the Phile back in October, but I came back from vacation with a broken shoulder and I don't know what happened. Anyway, their debut album "PIZZA FACE" is available on Bandcamp. Please welcome to the Phile... Mike, Mutt and Marcus Giresi from... Chocolate Robots.

Me: Hello, fellas, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Mike: Hi.

Me: Okay, you are all three brothers, right? Who is in the band? And what do you each do?

Marco: Yes, Mike "Vacation Boy" Giresi guitar, synth, vox. Mutt Giresi skins, synths, myself bass, and robot voices.

Me: Which one of you guys started the band and approached the other two?

Mike: Our father forced us to play together. A fortune teller at a psychic convention told him that his 3 sons was going to be his ticket to fame and fortune. He figured when we got famous he would finally be able to meet Liona Boyd. He believes there destined to have a child together and there love child would be the fourth member of the Choc Bots.

Me: Have you guys always wanted to be in a band together.

Mutt: Yes, we wanted to be in a band because our dad didn't make us go to school so we could practice and get famous and he could meet Liona Boyd.

Me: You guys get along pretty good I am guessing. I said it before on the Phile, when I interviewed couples, and siblings who are in a band together, I love my wife and sisters but I could never be in a band with them. So, how's the dynamice in Chocolate Robots?

Mike: Rather casual I guess, a liter and a half a wine usually gets the juices flowing so to speak. Play a couple of tunes, eat some pizza, talk about how much we hate bands like Kings Of Leon and then we talk about how much we hate people who are fans of Kings Of Leon , then we talk about how much we hate the way the Kings Of Leon look, then we talk about if we ever had a chance which member of Kings of Leon you would knock out first. I'm not sure if that really answered your question...

Me: I'm not sure. Okay, let's talk about the band name, it make me hungry. In fact, the album title "PIZZA FACE" makes me hungry as well. I got it right, right? "PIZZA FACE" should be in all capitals?

Marco: Yes, all caps!

Me: Who came up with the band name?

Mike: Our dad told us that our band name was going to be Chocolate Rabbits. We thought that Robots sounded cooler so with out him knowing we changed it right before a big talent show. They introduced us as the Chocolate Robots so that's how he kept it.

Me: Did you have other names you were gonna use? Vanilla Robots maybe?

Mike: I wanted to call us Sky Domi.

Mutt: I always liked but it was kind of out of our hands.

Me: You named the album "PIZZA FACE" 'cause you all worked at a pizza joint, right? Where is this place?

Marcus: No, actually it is just a coincidence. Pizza is super hot really now, and we were just cashing in!

Me: You and I have something in common, guys... your dad is a singer, songwriter from the 70s. My dad was as well. Did your dad perform in America or Italy?

Mike: Our dad was really dedicated to his songwriting! He spent a whole year in his room writing songs, he had no money, all he could afford to eat was baby food. He wrote some really beautiful songs, he had a manager and was getting press in Italy. He was getting ready to ship off to Rome until he meet our mother at his fathers pizzeria. He said he wrote hundreds of songs but he lost them all in a fire. We actually used to cover one of his songs. It was called "you got the meat I got the bone" That's cool that your dad was into the music as well. Does he have any old gear lying around that he would like to part with??

Me: Ummm... no. Where are you guys from? Canada, I think, am I right?

Mike: Sarnia, Ontario. Its also known as chemical valley cuz they process a lot of oil here. They make gas and plastic and tons of other stuff. Basically everyone is like Homer Simpson with a a healthy appetite for prescription drugs.

Me: Okay, let's talk about the album which I downloaded from Bandcamp. Will you be putting it up on iTunes at all?

Marcus: That's awesome. Thank you! It's on iTunes, maybe they were sold out there last time you checked.

Me: Let me look now.

Me: Yep, it's there. I'm an idiot. Anyway, this is a cool story, Fab Moretti from the Strokes helped you put it all together. How and where did you meet him?

Mike: I meet him in Detroit. I went to see his side project Little Joy. Only about 8 people came to his show. I was talking to him after the show and he invited me out for a few frames at the bowling alley that was in the basement, we also ate some pizza from a place called Sgt. Pepperoni's.

Me: What a great name for a pizza place. I take it you are a fan of the Strokes. What other bands are you fellas into?

Mike: Who doesn't like the Strokes! There great, but I wouldn't say they influence the way our music sounds. I'd say right now were just into our band!

Me: I enjoyed the album, and I have to ask you about one of the songs... "Purrfect Sound" which is dedicated to S.M. Jenkins. Is that a good friend of yours?

Mike: It's my love song to Stephen Malkmus, were great friends he just doesn't know it!

Me: The art work for the album is very crazy and clever. Who did the art work?

Marcus: Jason Yates.

Me: I know a Jason Yates! I wonder if he's the same one. Does this Jason Yates live in Florida and used to work at Disney?

Marcus: Haha, no. This Jason Yates lives in California. I think he's roomates with Ariel Pink. He's done work for Captain Beefheart, and Animal Collective. He's to cool for school and too weird for the world. He actually owes me $80, he won't return my emails anymore.

Me: So, what's next for you guys? A tour? A new album?

Mike: Mutt and I are working on a FREE rap EP to be released this summer. Its all 808's. Lil Ceaser and MSG... Be ready, were gonna lay swag to rest and blow the doors off the joint and take the game to new heights.

Me: That's cool, I guess. Thanks so much for being on the Phile. Please come back again soon. Go ahead and plug your websites and everything. Take care, and good luck. And I want a free pizza some day.

Mike: Come by the shop, tell em the Robots sent you. The code words Pizza Face, they'll be expecting you.,,,!/ChocolateRobots.

Well, there you have it. That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Laird Jim, Tom Mauser and of course the boys from Chocolate Robots. The Phile will be back next Saturday with the boys from Cable Car. Then on Sunday it's Phile Alum Dan Nowicki from the greatest music project ever put together... Strawberry Blondes Forever. And on Monday it's Dr. Beverly Wixon. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Strawberry Blondes Forever!

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