Sunday, February 5, 2012

The Super Bowl Special Pheaturing Smilin' Tom Fridley

Hello, everybody, and welcome to the Phile for a special Super Bowl entry, how are you? we went to see Miranda Lambert in concert last night and I am a litle groggy and tired but I have a whole fun football entry for you.  I read that Americans will eat about 450 million chicken wings on Super Bowl Sunday. Or as Thanksgiving turkeys put it, “Who’s laughing now, chickens?”  We have a weight problem in this country and Super Bowl Sunday is the one day of the year where it's okay for the obese to become morbidly obese.  In the old days, people would get excited about the Super Bowl commercials because it was the only place you could see talking babies or frogs that drink beer. But now on YouTube, you can see it every day.  Let's talk about other stuff that's going on. Newt Gingrich picked up an endorsement from Herman Cain. It's not unlike getting Carrot Top's endorsement for an Academy Award.  Sarah Palin has also been supportive of Gingrich but she hasn't made an official endorsement yet. Her husband endorsed Gingrich but he's a snowmobiler, so nobody cares.  This is sad, Paula Abdul was fired from “The X Factor.” No one really knows how Paula feels about this. Well, she's given tons of interviews, but no one can understand what she's saying. Actually, I think the problem with Paula is that she was too coherent last year.  Rick Santorum says Newt Gingrich is too hot, Mitt Romney is too cold, but he's the “Goldilocks candidate.” Yes, nothing gets voters excited like comparing yourself to tepid porridge. A lot of people want Gingrich and Romney to continue their attacks on each another all the way to the convention. These people are called Democrats.  Speaking of Romney, it wasn't a great week for him even though he won in Nevada. Not a great day for Mitt Romney. He put his foot in his mouth. He said in an interview, quote, "I'm not concerned about the very poor." Is anybody even trying to win this thing? To be fair, to Mitt Romney the "very poor" means anyone who doesn't use a solid gold toilet. Romney said the quote was taken out of context. And that he absolutely cares about the poor. In fact, his campaign bus runs on the tears of the poor.  Donald Trump made a surprise endorsement of Mitt Romney for president. And Mitt climbed into Donald’s golden helicopter and they flew around the country, dropping silver dollars on the homeless and unemployed. Okay, nough about allt his politics stuff. Let's talk about football. Football is a great spor, and those players are so lucky sometimes. Take a look.

My team of course you kids know it's the New Yourk Giants and Tyree would do anything for his Quarterback Manning. Look what happened when they won the game that took them to the Super Bowl. 

So, I am so glad there's a football inspirational poster.

That's true. You know what else is true? The difference between American football fans and say fans of football from Brazil.

Did you see that the coach of the Patriots has his own cereal brand out? No? You didn't? I have it here.

Well, Vegas has a betting line, and I am sure other places has to, so, I thought why not the Phile? So, here, kids, is...
Odds of the Patriots cheating - 1:1
Over/Under on the nymber of times NBC cameras will creepily linger on Gisele Bunchen - 17
Over/Under on number of erectile dysfunction commercials aired during game - 887
Over/Under on the number of times they'll show David Tyree's helmet catch - 4,176
Odds that when cameras cut back to the studio, they'll catch Bob Costas adjusting "The Li'l Costas" - 2:1
Over/Under on the number of male viewers who will find Madonna sexually arousing - 1
Over/Under on the number of male viewers who will find Kelly Clarkson singing the national anthem sexually arousing - 1 (A blogger based in Groveland, Florida)
Odds that some numbskull exec at NBC suggested swapping out the Gatorade they dump of the winning coach with donkey semen - 1:1
Over/Under on the number of turkey gravy stains on Bill Belichek's hobo hoodie - 7
Odds of the Colts winning - 1,000,000,000,000:1

Those are the odds kids, so have fun betting. Well, the Super Bowl is such a huge American pasttime and such a big event I thought I would invite a friend back to the Phile to explain the history of the Super Bowl. So, please welcome back to the Phile, our good friend...

Well, since you asked, originally the Super Bowl was a sporting contest developed in the
1960's to pit the older National Football league, against the rival upstart AFL or American
football league. After a few years the upstart AFL was absorbed into the NFL, and by all
rights the Super Bowl should have died then. However a clever accountant by the name of
Purvis P. "Marty" Throckmorton the V. of Poughkipsie New York, realized what a fantastic
way the Super Bowl could be used to rip off the gullible American public. Old unsellable socks
become "Super Bowl socks" rotten meat became "Super Bowl party platters", most importantly
middle aged divorced men, with Hawaiin shirts, guts down to their ankles, rampant alcoholism
and surly children who hated them, could all be brought together for a "Super Bowl Party". Rancid burned meat, cheap rot gut alcohol could all be sold at double price by simply adding a sticker "Super Bowl Party". With all this alcohol, rancid meat and cheese, even 45 year old men with bellies like Santa Claus could strut in their glory and invite good looking chicks to their "bowl party". In 1971, 44,000 "surprise" pregnancies resulted from "hottie" girls with child from sweaty middle aged men mortgaged to the hilt. It's no surprise Roe V.  Wade legalized abortion little more than a year later. Middle aged white men could be drunk without guilt, get laid by a hottie, and unscrupleous merchants could pop a "Super Bowl" sticker on hundreds of worthless unsellable products, and sell out at triple price! The television networks weren't far behind, The "pregame show", "the halftime report", "the halftime show", "the postgame show", "the day before show", the winners next day parade, billions in revenue were generated
from advertising essentially worthless products to a primarily inebriated public. Fans of violence, closet homosexuals, horny divorcee's, sports fans, historians, anthropologists, corporate excecutives, lonely cousins, and many other fringe groups are all brought together for one drunken day to watch huge men, beat each other senseless to move a ball across an imaginary goalpost. Right Wing American Christians usually against, sex, alcohol, anything with gay overtones, are perhaps the biggest fans of the spectacle, legal violence, and beatings praise Jesus! Toe jam, flatulence, pockmarked face, huge gut, bad teeth, all are welcome on Super Bowl Day! Rev that grill! Lets kill some mammals, the parallel with ancient Rome is starkly revealed. For at least 17 years Chinese, Japanese, and European anthropologists, professors and industrial spies have pointed to Super Bowl Day as evidence of the decline of America and the ultimate fall of a colossal giant. They point to history repeating itself, Ancient Rome, Ghengis Khan, Hitlers Munich games. Certainly Gay America is on board! Huge men in tights in hand to hand combat, with fashion commercials and a Diva halftime show. The American Military is perhaps the biggest proponent of the game, more Marines are recruited after Super Bowl Sunday than at any other time except for Pearl Harbor and 9/11. People with funny names love the Super Bowl, because so many NFL players have strange names, Tebow, Ostrich, Ligtning... not unlike a jazz club in Harlem or New Orleans. Foodies love Super Bowl, they can get away with cooking anything, The Southern United States loves the Bowl because they can legally beat those "damm Yankees" near to death. Black America loves it, dancing and preening over those less athletic whities, and statistics show, interracial babies with a black father soar by 71% in the week after a Super Bowl. Alcohol rehab, Emergency Rooms, Church enrollment, and drive thru Las Vegas marriage certificates soar up to 213% in the week following a Super Bowl. Police Union statistics show an increase in overtime pay for officers of 17% during Super Bowl Week, nothing to sneeze at in these hard times. Dumpster diving professionals, and enthusiasts report a 39% increase in bounty on the day following Super Sunday. Linguists and English majors are given many new slogans, words, & phrases "Tailgate party", "Super Sunday". Butt fetishists are able to see men slap each others buttocks on non cable television an average of 216 times on Super Sunday (not counting instant replay).   So in summary America is polarized into special interests, Gay, Straight, Liberal, conservative, black, white, male, female, rich, poor, Yankee, Southerner Libertarian, federalist... but on one fine day each year prison inmates, fetishits, divorced, white, black, sports enthusiasts, the Christian Right, Gay, Straight, trolling singles, families, neighbors, the homeless, the military, Canadians, all come together for what is known as Super Sunday. We can't solve our budget problems, the declining middle class, bad schools, uneven health care, funding for alcohol and drugs, the housing crisis, pollution global warming, the increasing homeless, treatment for the mentally ill, gridlock, illegal immigration, unethical government, or many many serious issues. But on Super Sunday, America comes together. God Bless America Sports? The outcome? The contest of titans? Well, there is that too, but you'll have to speak to their agent about that. In 1943 the ageing legendary "Bronko Nagurski" after six years in retirement, returned at the then astounding age of 36 to score a touchdown for the Chicago Bears in their championship victory against the Washington Redskins, for a few hundred dollars and his love of the game, retired for six years! Galloping down the field scoring a touchdown in the championship, that was football, or so I am told by oldtimers. What we have today, is tawdry, and grotesque by comparison, players paid hundreds of millions of dollars to do what most of us boys did for love, for free as kids. If this is one of the few things, spectacles that can unite America, we need to examine our values while firing up that BBQ. The American Super Bowl, is a perfect microcosm of what America has become. Football is great, making a buck is great but we need something a bit more spiritual to unite us, besides war, or its surrogate the "Super Bowl."

Pat Riot, everybody! Man, he was all burned up. Nice job. Okay, well, all footballs eason I had my good friend Jeff Trelewicz on the Phile and we talked about football and did our football picks. So, here on Super Bowl Sunday, please welcome back to the Phile my friend Jeff in a pheature I call...

Me: Welcome back, Jeff, to the Phile's Super Bowl entry. Okay, let's talk about this past season. What are the highlights? And I know Tebow has to be talked about. By the way, I still wanna see a picture of you Tebowing, Jeff.

Jeff: This season saw a lot of highlights and some very low lights. I think if we are going to talk about the season, staring with Tebow would be a good starting point. Very few people in any professional sports causes the same amount of both love and hate that Tebow did. Maybe it was his over the top religon antics that caused the stir. Honestly, he is a decent football player, but not so much of a quarterback. No one can argue that he led his team to a great record after taking over as starter, but it's also hard to over look a completion rating of under
50 %. Mark Sanchez had a better competion precetage and a better quarterback rating, but failed to lead his team to the playoffs like Tebow did. If the Giants win the Super Bowl (more on that later) I will take a picture of me Tebowing! It's hard not to look at the year and wonder what would have happened if Peyton Manning played this year. I think that counts as a low point of the year, one of the league's most marketable players missed the entire season and now we dont know if he will even be on the same team (or be healthy enough) to play next season. It should be an interesting off season for both Manning brothers if you ask me.

Me: In the start of the season I predicted Cam Newton would be benched by week 9. How did he do?

Jeff: You predicted Cam Newton would be benched, he was not. Most people predict he will win Rookie of the Year. He completed 60% of his passesand had more touchdowns then interceptions. With some weapons around him (other then an aging Steve Smith) he can be a productive quarterback.

Me: Being benched to Rookie of the Year... HA! Was I wrong. Anyway, how did we do last picks? I was winning, and what are you picks for the Bowl? I say the Giants will win of course, by three. Also, I made a bet that if the Giants lose instead of the Phile logo tomorrow I will use the Patriots logo instead. So, we'll see.

Jeff: I went 0-2 thanks to the spread last week, you went 0-1-1. Heading into
the Super Bowl you lead by 2 points thanks to a stellar playoffs while I have struggled. If the Giants win, you win the first year of this... regardless of what the spread is. But I am going to go the complete opposite of you and say Patriots win by a field goal. It breaks down to the Giants have better deep threats as far as WR's go, the Patriots have better shorter routes. The offensive line goes to the Patriots. The defense goes to the Giants. Coaching and QB's have
to go to the Patriots, but only barely. It should be a great Super Bowl, with some Stellar commercials this year (Ferris Bueller!).

Me: I say the only way the Giants can lose is if the officials screw them over.

Jeff: It's going to be a good game, but I dont think you have to worry about the officials. No one wants to cross Bill Belichek. You wouldn't like him when he is angry!

Me: What about Tom Coughlin? He scares me.

Jeff: I'm not the least bit afraid of Coughlin.

Me: Well, thanks, Jeff. Come back on Wednesday when we'll wrap up Phootball Talk with Jeff and announce the winner. Then next weekend I would love you to come back and we can talk about the Oscars. What do you say?

Jeff: I look forward to talking Super Bowl and Oscars as well. Good luck, Phile!

Me: Thanks again, and see ya Wednesday. Enjoy the game, my friend.

The 11h artist to be pheatured in the P.P.A.G. is Bleach Methane and he will be a guest on the Phile tomorrow. This is one of his pieces of work.

Man, trying to find a good football themed sign generator was a pain in the ass. Anyway, today's guest is known for voiceovers, radio and television, modeling and acting. But why I wnated him here on the Phile is because he has a really cool song on iTunes called "The Legend of Tim Tebow (Part 2)". Please welcome to the Phile... Smilin' Tom Fridley.

Me: Hello, Tom, welcome to the Phile. How are you sir? 

Tom: Tremendous!

Me: Tom, where are you from? You live in Jacksonville now, am I right? 

Tom: I was born and raised in a little mountain town in Northwest Pennsylvania called St. Marys, about 130 miles northeast of Pittsburgh. My career took me to great American cities like Buffalo, Syracuse, Columbus, Chicago, Minneapolis and Dallas. I moved to Jacksonville in late 2004 and my family loves it here.

Me: Okay, I have to ask, did anybody ever tell you you look like Tom Cruise? 

Tom: Ha, ha! My wife says he can't take me anywhere. I get asked about it all the time. It started when I was in high school, and I'm amazed how often it has come up. Quick story: Once I joined country singer Kevin Sharp on stage at the New York State Fairgrounds. The previous night he played at a party at David Foster's house and Cruise was there. He said when he saw me he thought I was Cruise and asked if I'd come on stage with him to see what kind of crowd reaction I'd get. He told the David Foster story on stage and then brought me up, just calling me Tom. The crowd went nuts. It was a sea of flash bulbs. The band's guitarist taught me one of their songs before the show, so I came back on stage five minutes later and played guitar with the band. Worked the stage and played it up with Kevin, the band and the crowd. The response was unbelievable. Women were throwing roses to me. The energy was stunning. We totally fooled 8,000 people. It was a blast! When the song was over I waved to the crowd and headed for Kevin's bus, which was parked near the side of the stage. Half the crowd tried to follow and security could barely keep the crowd from knocking down the baracade. After hanging out in the bus for a while Kevin's manager gave me a hoodie to wear so I could sneak out without being mobbed. It was an amazing experience and a great memory. It also made me grateful I don't have to live with the burden of that kind of fame.

Me: You'd also make a good Superman, sir. I have to ask you about your nickname, Smilin' Tom. Where did that come from? 

Tom: I picked it up in 1993 in Minneapolis when I did radio at a country station called WBOB. The program director was a wonderfully creative man named Bob Wood and he said, "Your name is easy. Smilin' Tom - because you are." I've been Smilin' Tom ever since.

Me: You are a man of many talents. When I discovered you on iTunes with your Tebow song which we'll talk about in a minute I didn't realize you did all this other stuff... radio DJing, acting, modeling, as well as singing. What came first? 

Tom: My first radio gig came at age 16 at WKBI in St. Marys. I was a junior in high school. Along the way I got the chance to do lots of radio and some TV in Minneapolis, Syracuse, Columbus and Chicago. I also did some modeling and made some magazines, including Newsweek. Got a few TV commercials and background parts in films.  

Me: Which one is your favorite to do, sir? 

Tom: My favorite is music. If I could pick a career I'd be writing songs for a living.

Me: You've been in a few films... Lonely Hearts and Traffic. Did you have a good time on the set? 

Tom: I loved it. I remember watching Michael Douglas do a five minute speech and he just nailed it. I thought we were done. Then they moved the cameras and he did it again. And again. I think he did about eight takes, even though the first one was perfect. When I saw the finished version in the film they had trimmed that five minute scene down to about 30 seconds. That's where the 'cutting room floor' saying comes from.

Me: I heard John Travolta is very cool, was he? 

Tom: He is a true artist at his craft. I filmed two scenes with him and learned so much by watching him prepare for a scene. I've never seen such a laser focus. They used to say that about Michael Jordan, and I'm sure the best of the best all have that ability, but I was blown away by standing next to him and seeing it first hand. Once he got locked in he had complete control of his presence. This was a serious crime drama and there was one scene he was literally breaking down in tears. As soon and the director yelled 'cut' he cracked a joke that had everyone on the set roaring. It was amazing.

Me: I heard your voice in a lot of voice overs, Tom. How many have you done? Hundreds? 

Tom: I've lost count. I wish I had gotten paid for all of them. (smile) Most have come through my radio career. I've also done work for companies like Samsung, and was recently approached by a studio in Barcelona, Spain, and asked to join their stable of voices. It would be great to get more international work. You never know when the right person will hear something they like, and it's funny how we all hear things differently. My favorite vo's are still concert spots.

Me: I wish I could do voice overs, but no one would want to use my voice unless they need someone to sound like a retarded Kermit. Have you always had an amazing voice? 

Tom: I'll bet there's a nitch for your voice. And everyone likes Kermit, right? The truth is, I really don't think my voice is that amazing, but I have been working on it since my first radio gig at age 16. I took a couple years of singing voice lessions, and they translate well to your speaking voice. I still do voice exercises every day. I've got a long way to go to get to the level of the really good ones.

Me: When you do voice overs, how many takes does it normally take? 

Tom: As many as it takes to get it right. I'm not one of those guys who gets a thrill out of being a 'one-take-wonder.' I'm only concerned with quality. That comes from my dad, an electrician/handy man, who never finished a job until it was done right.

Me: Alright, lets talk about the real reason I wanted to interview you... "The Legend of Tim Tebow (part 2)" song I downloaded. That was very funny. My wife is a HUGE Tebow fan. I am guessing you are as well, am I right? 

Tom: I am a fan of the person and everything he represents. Hard work, leadership, positive attitude, hope, being a good role model, kindness, humility, overcoming challenges, proving it can be done the right way, and most of all, Christian values.

Me: Is this your first song you released, Tom? Second. It is actually a sequel to "The Legend of Tim Tebow," which was available on iTunes Tim's junior and senior years at Florida.

Me: Did you write the song, Tom? Is comedy writing your forte? 

Tom: I did write it and I've written over 200 songs. I try to have a balance of humor, real life, and serious messages, but the humorous songs seem to get the most response.

Me: How long did it take to write and record, and who is playing on the song with you?

Tom: I met Tim just before his sophomore season at Florida and I was impressed, so I followed his season closely. In December of 2007 I decided he was the real deal and I wanted to write a song about him to celebrate a good guy and a great role model. I was tired of so many bad sports role models getting attention, so this was my way of supporting the positive side of sports. I wrote the origonal version then and recorded it a month later. At Florida Tim's nickname was Superman, so that's where the play on words came from. I sang lead and background vocals and played the guitars and did the bass and drums on a synthesizer. The following summer I put it on iTunes and it caught on pretty well. Got some radio and TV airplay, and I believe ESPN also played it. After Tim graduated from Florida the song became dated, becuase it had a lot of Gator flavor. Last summer I decided to do the sequal. I'm a fan of the 80's pop rock sound and that's what I went for on the origonal. I used the same music track on "Part 2" but I didn't want it to be the same song with new lyrics, so I changed the cadence of the verses in an effort to 'hip it up' a bit. I'll never be accused of being hip by today's generation, but it did change the dynamic of the song a little bit.

Me: So, do you think Tebow heard it? I am guessing he'll get a kick out of it. 

Tom: I don't know if he's heard "Part 2", but I'm pretty sure he heard "Part I". I know he's somewhat uncomfortable with all the attention he's getting, but to be clear, it's not a case of idol worship. I was accused of that by a Christian magazine with "Part I" and that's not what it's about at all. Both songs are simply a celebration of something good in the world. He's a super man, and a real nice guy. We need more like him.

Me: Too bad Tebow didn't make it to the Super Bowl. It would've been the most watched game ever. Who is your team, Tom? Mine is the Giants. 

Tom: Tom Coughlin is a great coach and a great man. Most people don't know what a good guy he is and how much charity work he does. His daughter Keli runs his foundation in Jacksonville and they have helped hundreds of families with children battling cancer. Tom and his family give so much of their time, talent, treasure, and hearts. It wouldn't bother me a bit if the Giants won the Bowl again this year. The Steelers are my home team so I root for them, but somehow I grew up a big Minnesota Viking fan. It was Fran Tarkenton who did it for me. I also root for the Jaguars because I live in Jax now.

Me: So, will you be putting any other music up on iTunes? If you do, will you come back on the Phile? 

Tom: Yes, and if you invite me back I'll be here!

Me: Thanks so much for being here, Tom, I know you are a busy man. Go ahead and plug your website and please come back some day. All the best. 

Tom: Thank you so much, Jay. Good questions. My web site is :)

Alright, that about wraps up another entry of the Phile, for a Super Bowl Sunday. Thanks to my guests Jeff Trelewicz, and Smilin' Tom Fridley. Also thanks to Jeff Cameron. The Phile will be back tomorrow with artist Bleach Methane. Then on Wednesday it's Dan Whitesides from the rock band The Used. and on Sunday it's British blues musician and legend Shakey Vick. So, spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Enjoy the game.

No comments: