Thursday, March 1, 2007

For English Press One

Rabbit. It's March 1st, so I have to say "rabbit". Hello, it's Thursday, and you know what that means, a new entry of the Peverett Phile I am your host, Jason 'Broken Rib' Peverett. Yes, I am writing this with a broken rib and a girdle on. I hurt myself on a trampoline two weekends ago, and I am in a lot of pain...but at least I am on Percaset. Whoo hoo! I'm feeling good. Speaking of a lot of pain, how many of you folks were affected by the big stock market plunge this week? Four hundred points, the stock market dropped 400 points. And big corporations were really, really affected by it. As a matter of fact, Taco Bell had to lay off 200 rats. Yeah, the market drops 400 points and, today, out of habit, JetBlue apologized. I feel pretty smug because I did not get hurt when the market plunged. Yesterday and I’ll tell you why – my accountant, bless his heart, has all my money in astronaut diapers. Yeah, I was looking at the paper yesterday, and apparently everybody, everybody on Wall Street yesterday lost a lot of money. Everybody lost – except for some mysterious reason, everybody but Martha Stewart. Any dog owners reading this? In New Jersey, they passed a law – your dog cannot bark for more than half an hour. Your dog cannot bark for more than half an hour or they arrest him and take him downtown. And I’m thinking, if you really want to cut down on irritating disturbances, how about limiting ‘The View’ to half an hour? You know the guy who directed the Titanic movie, James Cameron, the film director? Well, listen to this: he now claims that he’s found the tomb of Jesus Christ. Hmm, I just hope this doesn’t lead to a court battle in Florida, that’s all. I think this James Cameron – I guess he’s a tremendous director, Academy Award director – I wonder if he might be, uh, I don’t know, um, just destabilized? James Cameron thinks that he found the tomb of Jesus Christ. To me, that’s very interesting. Who would have guess that they’d find Jesus before Bin Laden? A new poll finds that President Bush's father, George Bush, is the most popular living ex-President. Apparently voters were just excited to hear the words 'George Bush' next to the phrase 'ex-President.' Yesterday, police busted a steroid lab and they think that Barry Bonds was a customer. Police think Bonds was a customer because the lab is named 'The Barry Bonds SteroidLab.' Yesterday, Cuban dictator Fidel Castro called into a radio talk show and said he's feeling much better. Castro started his call by saying: 'Hi, this is Fidel from Havana - longtime dictator, first time caller.' Some politicians in Florida are trying to ban the use of the term 'illegal alien' because they think the term is offensive. The Florida officials say, 'We prefer the term 'good swimmer.'  Hugh Heffner, 80 years old, publisher of Playboy, is getting married. 27-year-old bride. He’s 80, she’s 27, and you can already hear the high heels clicking down the halls of the Supreme Court. Folks still talking about the Academy Awards. It was long. Britney Spears had a 5 o’clock shadow. The Neilsen ratings for this years Oscars were up, compared to last year’s, especially among 18- to 34-year-olds. Keep in mind that statistic is misleading because viewers who were 18 at the beginning of the show, were over 50 when it ended. Since formewr Iowa Gov. Tom Vilsack dropped out of the presidential race a few days ago, Vilsack supporters are divided about which candidate to support now. Apparently one guy likes Obama, the other guy likes Hillary. Krispy Kreme announced they’re coming out with a low-fat, 180 calorie, whole wheat doughnut. This amazing whole wheat doughnut is called a bagel. How many people have been watching the Anna Nicole Smith legal proceedings? I would call it a circus, but I don’t want to insult the good people at Ringling Brothers. There were so many witnesses at the Anna Nicole Smith hearing, Jerry Springer couldn’t find guests for his show. And finally, I called Britney Spears the other day and left a message on her answering machine: "It’s Jason. I hear you’re confused and vulnerable. Call me.” She never did.


Not only was Deborah Harry a punk rock singer and new wave pioneer — she was also a guest on 'The Muppet Show'. In a surreal moment, Harry sings "Call Me" — the theme to American Gigolo — for an audience of cheering frogs, while new wave muppets with multi-colored hair lay down a background of synthesizers and electric guitars. Harry even performs "One Way or Another" with a muppet version of Blondie (wearing skinny ties and black and white suits), its chorus of “getcha getcha getcha getcha” dramatized by monsters behind doors (including a one-toothed blue fan named Mulch.) But the most inspiring moment comes when the punk pioneer corrupts a band of boy scouts — played by frogs. (”The pogo? Would that get us our punk merit badges?!”) They bop to muppetty punk rock until a concerned Kermit checks in on the troop. (”Does Mrs. Applebee know you’re in here?”) After all the jokes about colored hair and safety pins, Deborah Harry joins Kermit in "Rainbow Connection", acoustic banjo joining high new wave voice. Deborah Harry sings this one with sweet sleepy bewilderment. But maybe she’s just surprised that she’s harmonizing with a singing frog.


You just know they bussed in that one sandperson just to meet quotas.


The opposite of a "vacuum" is a "plenum." Super Bowl weekend is the slowest weekend of the year for weddings. The largest crossword puzzle ever published had 2,631 clues across and 2,922 clues down. It took up 16-square-feet of space. The book of Esther in the Bible is the only book that doesn't mention the name of God. Carnegie Mellon University offers bag piping as a major. A man named John Bellavia has entered over 5,000 contests, and has never won anything. Before airplanes existed, the phrase "jet lag" was once called "boat lag." Your statistical chance of being murdered is one in 20,000. It is estimated that there are 4.2 million porn sites on the Internet. About 200 new sites go live each day.


With the second half of 'The Amazing Race 11' facing off against the first half-hour of the Oscars, viewership was probably down, which is too bad because this was the most exciting episode so far this season. It was just the second episode, but last week’s was really boring. And despite the fact that the teams are familiar and, in some cases, becoming increasingly annoying, this was one of the better episodes in a year. It was consistent drama, with some nice back and forth action, including both a car race and foot race at the end. And, of course, a bunch of ridiculous behavior: It’s good to know that the editors have retained their contempt for Eric. He tried to make a joke about Danielle tripping and falling, because as we all know girls are incompetent, and said, “We’ll call you Humpty Dumbass.” The editors followed that with a few seconds of crickets chirping. Bill or Joe said, “Who says gay men can’t drive?” Um, no one? No need to invent a new stereotype, guys, especially when you’re dressed in identical lime-green outfits, and later place cucumbers on your eyelids while wearing identical orange jackets embroidered with the name of your tiny dog. “Drew, stop! You’re pulling me with it!” Kevin said, ending a shocking few moments. With their car stuck in mud, Kevin attached the tow rope to his own body (!), and pulled the car out of the mud (as it accelerated, of course). But Drew kept accelerating, and pulled Kevin alongside the car, almost running him over. “Please don’t tell anybody else about this,” Rob asked a ticket agent. Moments later, he proved he was a hypocrite, saying “The race is about us and the course; it’s not about the other teams.” Pick one, ass. “With a period of 10 minutes, you can go from being in first place to last place,” Rob said, when their flight was delayed. “A miserable game, this race.” Not for us! During the dramatic Roadblock, during which Mary outwitted basically every other team, Amber actually shared information with Danny and Eric. Expect Rob to file for divorce this morning. Standing in line for tickets at the airport, a new line opened, and Eric, standing at the back of the line, ran over to it, bypassing those waiting in other lines. I loathe when people do that at the grocery store or elsewhere, asif the other people standing in line are invisible. So I can understand why Rob would get upset, although of course he only gets upset when it’s not him who benefits from the unethical behavior. He tried to pretend he wasn’t really bothered, telling us that he was “just trying to stir the pot up.” But that led to conflict between Rob and Amber; as she said, “It was so wrong, it made him look silly.” Rob, of course, disagreed. “There’s a method to the madness; there always is, babe.” Excuse me while I go wipe up this fresh puddle of puke. “I have a lot of experience driving back hos,” Rob admitted at the Detour. Oh, wait, he meant backhoes. Dustin and Kandice were freaked out when Charla yelled at them, but they missed Charla and Mirna freaking out at a cab driver. Mirna, crying, screamed at the cab driver, “What do you want from me? $20 to eat food, I give you; I don’t eat tomorrow. Muchas gracias, amigo! God help you!” “It’s easy to make yourself beautiful with plastic surgery. But to have a pure heart and to have morals is not easy to make up,” Charla said, shortly after her cousin verbally assaulted a cab driver, throwing her purse at him and cursing him for asking for money to help them out. Rob and Amber came in first again. Deciding whether to go left or right, Mary looked at a sign and said, “I would think right, because it has the most words.” And just when the Roadblock had convinced us that she was smarter than she let on. When Phil told Kevin and Drew that they were the last team, Drew walked away and said, “Let’s go, man.” Phil, annoyed, had to ask him to return: “Can you just stay right here, please?” Then he eliminated them, and Drew walked away again. “Oh yeah, that’s fine,” he said. This is one of the bad things about an all-star race: It affects our attitude toward our favorite (or least-favorite) teams. Drew, half of one of the most fun-loving teams in the race’s 10-year history, a sore loser? Amber, helping others and challenging Rob? The world is spinning.


1815: Jesse Sharpless is convicted in Pennsylvania of exhibiting a "certain lewd, wicked, scandalous, infamous and obscene painting, representing a man in an obscene, impudent and indecent posture with a woman" in his own house. It is the first obscenity trial in the United States.1932: A man climbs a makeshift ladder to the 2nd floor of Charles Lindbergh's New Jersey home and snatches his twenty-month-old son, Charles Jr. Whoever took the baby left behind a poorly-written ransom note demanding $50,000 in small bills. 1954: Four Puerto Rican nationalists open fire on House of Representatives from visitors' gallery, wounding five representatives. All four captured by security guards. 1954: The first hydrogen bomb is detonated at Bikini. Even though the bomb was hundreds of times more powerful than the atomic bomb exploded there in 1946, no islanders were evacuated this time. Almost 300 people suffered radiation exposure. 1969: While performing with the Doors, Jim Morrison asks the audience "Do you wanna see my cock?" then exposes himself briefly on a Miami stage. For thus showing his peepee Morrison received a sentence of six months hard labor. 1971: The radical group Weather Underground explodes a bomb in a restroom of the U.S. Capitol building, causing significant damage. The bomb exploded after an intensive search of the building yielded no results. Nobody is ever convicted of the attack. 1978: The body of Charlie Chaplin is stolen for ransom by Galtcho Ganav (Bulgaria) and Romnan Wardas (Poland) from a cemetery in Corsier, Switzerland. The actor's corpse is recovered two months later. 1999: Eight tourists at the Buhoma Homestead (including two Intel executives), in Uganda to visit wild mountain gorillas, are kidnapped and hacked to death with machetes by Rwantan Hutus.



Damn, this is good TV. 'Heroes' has raised the bar for itself again. That's my review, thanks for stopping by, I look forward to reading your comments. Seriously though, I don't know where to start. The show this week focuses on one main story: the life and career of that "company man," Mr. Bennet, the man with a hidden first name, aka HRG. He is, as we knew, mysterious, calculating, and deceptive. He's also intelligent, conflicted, and loving. Jack Coleman, who plays this character teasing out all his layered glory, deserves an Emmy based on this episode alone. We get glimpses of Mr. Bennet (back in his pre- horn-rimmed days) at key points throughout his career for the company. Even in first meeting with his new boss (Eric Roberts), Bennet espoused the philosophy he has held through the series. People are "fragile teacups" he says, and they don't want to know "what is happening to our species." Here he's a bright, fresh-faced young idealist, and in the ensuing scenes we watched that idealism chipped away. He's ordered to kill his partner, he's uncomfortable, but, still a true believer, he does it. Or believes he has done it, anyway. We know that Claude survived; that is something HRG didn't learn until last episode. That's shocker number one: Claude was an agent, not a victim, of the company, at least at one time, until he could no longer tolerate its treatment of, as he says, his "own kind." And it is a company, it appears. Some sort of international consortium of the very rich and power. Which brings us to surprise number two. Now if you saw this one coming, you are a real life Matt Parkman, and should immediately call the James Randi Educational Foundation and collect your million dollars because Hiro Nakamura's father is not just some tradition-bound tycoon who doesn't understand his son, as he initially appeared. He is behind the "company." When he givesTexas standoff orders, they get obeyed. He orders Bennet to adopt Claire. Don't get too close, he warns Bennet, because if she manifests any abilities Bennet is supposed to give her over to the company. This pivotal incident happens on the roof of the Deveaux building in New York City.

This begs the question, is Hiro really Nakamura's son? Or was he adopted in the manner that Claire was? A few weeks ago Hiro stood up to his father, saying he wasn't going to go home and run the family business, but would stay in the U.S. and pursue his personal destiny. But it that what really happened? Tonight, I think, we saw the real Kaito Nakamura. So to what extent is Hiro being manipulated by a father who knows more than he lets on? Matt and Ted end up in custody at the paper company. What happened to Wireless, by the way? She recruited the boys, then (wisely perhaps) didn't go with them on the recon to the Bennet house.

Incidentally, I liked how the episode started back before the conclusion of last week's. We got to see how Matt and Ted got themselves into the situation of taking the Bennet's hostage. Matt doesn't seem like the type to do that, and this episode did a great job of showing how events just spiraled out of control. Ted's best line: "I'm not gonna nuke the dog!" Looks like Matt could be on tap to be HRG's new partner now. At least Eric Roberts' character said someone with Matt's abilities would make an ideal partner. We will see if Matt's curiosity, not to mention his need to find a place to fit in in the world, leads him to working with the company, at least tacitly. He wouldn't be the first. The Haitian, Eden, and Claude were all recruited at one time or another. The Haitian also appears to be part of some other organization, or maybe there's a fifth column at the company. When HRG makes his sacrifice at the bridge (the same bridge he took Claude to for that attempted assassination) he tells the Haitian to "go deep" in order to erase any memory of his role in Claire's escape. How deep, we'll have to wait and see, but HRG will probably be very distressed not knowing how or why the Haitian and Claire disappeared. This means he, of all people, will most likely be trying the hardest to find Claire in the coming months. I don't think the Haitian would erase all memory of Claire's existence (though I guess he might), but even so, there would be too much evidence that she existed at her high school, etc. I don't know how Claire's mom and brother were handled. Did the Haitian also delete their memories of what they saw and learned today? Can't wait. Yep, 'Heroes' gets better and better.


Sidney Sheldon (01/30) Naturally, we find ourselves inclined to take it easy on the guy who almost single-handedly gave the world 'I Dream Of Jeannie'. Molly Ivins (01/31)
She was raised and educated in Texas, but she refused to let that hold her back.
Frankie Laine (02/06) Cross him out, add 'em up, Add 'em up, cross him out, Count him out, he's a stiff, Goodbye! Lew Burdette (02/06) He pitched 158 complete games, and had 203 wins in his 18-year career. He was voted Most Valuable Player of the 1957 World Series with three complete game victories, two of them shutouts. He had outstanding control, averaging just 1.84 walks per nine innings pitched, and he pitched over 3,000 of them. Anyway, he's dead. Anna Nicole Smith (02/08)
But, she seemed so together ....
Maurice Papon (02/17) A French Nazi, the very worst kind. Lamar Lundy (02/24) Not quite as fearsome as he once was.


Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer: The new TV spot shows the Fantasti-Car in action and lots and lots of shots of a solo Surfer. Are the FF just cameo-ing in their own film? That sounds OK. Bonus: First teaser poster. And guess who's the only character on it?

Star Trek XI: J.J. Abrams is now directing, and top of his list to play Kirk, Spock and McCoy? Matt Damon, Adrien Brody and Gary Sinise, respectively. If Adrien needs some help making that weird Vulcan hand signal, I cannot give him a few tips.

The Dark Tower: Speaking of J.J. Abrams, he just paid Stephen King $19 for an option to adapt the book series into a movie. $19? Hey, Steve, I got five bucks … can I option that short story you wrote about the guy stranded on a desert island who starts eating himself to stay alive?

Bee Movie: First Jerry Seinfeld makes a funny appearance at the Oscars, andnow he's hobnobbing with Steven Spielberg in his new trailer. Out of sight for nine years, and suddenly he's Mr. Hollywood? Can you say "2008 Oscars host"?

Justice League of America: They're working on a JLA screenplay. It'd be cooler if they made it the Super Friends, so they could add the Wonder Twins and Gleek. I just love that blue monkey.

There, that's about it. Another Phile posted on my shitty computer. Soon I hope to have an iMac, then the Phile will be better then other. In the meantime check out the Phile's myspace page and webshots page. Remember, spread the word, not the turd.

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