Live Now-Pay Later

Hello, and welcome to the Peverett Phile. This week the new attraction at Epcot opens called 'The Seas With Nemo And Friends'. I haven't been on it yet but I heard at the end Nemo gets captured and served as sushi. With the news coverage I’m not sure what to be more worried about. Terrorists in the Middle East, a dictator in North Korea, or a congressman from South Florida. We haven’t been able to confirm whether or not North Korea detonated a nuclear bomb. Confirm? We can’t even confirm who the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby is. It’s interesting how times have changed. Remember when it was a good thing when two congressmen were on the same page? The U.S. Army has a new slogan. They are dropping the "Army of One” slogan. The new one is "Army Strong”. Army Strong – which beat out the phrase, "Did someone say Jihad?” Twenty-five of the wealthiest men in American are currently out of work. But enough about the New York Yankees. Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie have settled their dispute. They say that their two hearts combined make one. Their two brains combined also make one. The signs of autumn are all around us. Today for example Terrell Owens almost overdosed on cider. Cher, the star, the national treasure, she just had a big auction. She auctioned off over 800 items including a Louis XVI chair. Actually Cher is so old that the chair was used by Louis XVI. 

WHEN YOU'RE A CELEBRITY, ADIOS REALITY

THE AMAZING RACE 10: One of the simpler tasks in Amazing Race history, rowing a boat, caused nearly every team to implode last Sunday as they struggled against wind and each other. At the very start, Phil told us, “At the end of the last leg , Rob collapsed from heat exhaustion, and received medical attention before being deemed fit enough to continue.” Physically fit, that is. Mentally, not so much, as he continued to compete for the memorial Jonathan and Colin jerk award. Shortly after Tyler told us, “I know that when he’s down, I’ll try to pick him up, and if I’m down, he’ll try to pick me up. It’s always been that way in our friendship,” he told his friend and former junkie pal, “I’m going to see how much dong you got.” He was, of course, being a four-year-old and making fun of Vietnamese currency’s phallic name, not actually fondling his friend. Mary told us that the race was challenging. “I’m a couch potato. I stay home and I watch reality TV all the time,” he said. Now I know why I love her and feel like we’re BFFs: We’re different in virtually every conceivable way, but we both spend our lives watching others on TV. Of course, now that Mary has actually participated in a reality show, she is now more worldly than I. Tasked to listen for their next clue, the blondes stopped in a park and put their ears near a planter. “Listen! What is that noise? This is it right here, D,” Kandice said. “These crickets. I don’t know what that means, though.” She couldn’t understand the cricikets’ secret message because a loudspeaker nearby was too loud, continually blasting a message that stared with, “Attention racers!” Rob had issues with his cab driver because of the language barrier. “Dude, I don’t speak your language, dude,” he said. Then, unbelievably, he asked the driver a question in English, as if the guy suddenly learned the language: “Are you driving in a circle? He’s just toying with us right now.” Later, Rob said, “I’m done talking with foreigners.” Rob, could you also please stop talking to Americans, because we’re tired of listening to you be an asshole. Sarah decided to perform the Roadblock task, even though the clue asked “Who’s got strong arms and legs?” Peter, as always, was as helpful as As she struggled to scale the rock, he sat lazily in the boat, sucking on a soft drink, and said things such as, “Sarah, you’re going to be fine. You’re going to do this. All in the mind. … Pull the handicapped placard out and tell them you’re next in line. … Hey, give Tyler an ugly look when he passes you. Spit on him or something. Ha ha ha.” Seriously, this guy is the biggest assclown ever. Sarah really needs to kick him in the nuts. Mary continued to snipe at David, although I find it hysterical and not at all dysfunctional like when the other couples do it. Among other things, she told him, “You ain’t got a sprained leg, David. … When you become my boss, you can tell me what to do.” Here’s how Rob solves conflict. Floating in the middle of the ocean in rowboat, he screamed at Kimberly, “Get off the boat!” Soon after Sarah scaled the wall using her arms alone, Peter was rowing their boat, and told her, “I really need you not to say anything.” Perhaps it was sincere, but Sarah then seemed to start mocking him, saying, “You’re really doing awesome,” giving him the same kind of faux support he gives her. “I don’t need encouragement, I just need direction,” he said. At least now he knows what it feels like. A short time later, Peter threw a temper tantrum. “I’m done after this. I don’t want to do this anymore,” he said. Christ, another Flo. Because the race is blind to assholes, Rob and Kimberly checked in first. Guess which team member left their partner behind in the rowboat, causing them to say, “don’t leave me in here!” If you guessed Sarah, you win nothing, because it was completely obvious. “My feelings for Peter have changed. Sometimes I’m not always impressed with his temperament in the situation, or even his treatment towards me,” she told us. Sarah also told him the same thing, and Mr. Perky just sat with a goofy, smug-looking grin on his punchable face. Tyler and James’ boat captain forgot to pull up the anchor, which explained why they were “going so damn slow,” one of them said. They took advantage of the language barrier by giving him a sarcastic thumbs-up, which he eagerly returned. Still, they checked in third. Dumb and dumberer didn’t understand the clue about the pit stop, which explained that they were to paddle back to their motorized boat, which would take them nine miles to Phil. One of them told us, “We were just paddling all over trying to find Phil, and we eventually figured out that the boat was where we needed to be, and that it would take us” to the pit stop. That strategy didn’t work, although they weren’t eliminated, and will continue to reinforce the stereotype that beauty queens are, in fact, incomprehensibly dumb. Tom told Terry, “Stop the whining.” Finally. And the whining and crying have stopped for the duration of this race, as the two were eliminated at the pit stop. SURVIVOR: Survivor Cook Islands ethnically diverse cast is something that will remain in future seasons, or at least that’s what Jeff Probst hopes. “We won’t be pitting one race against the other, but we will keep the show diverse and have equal representation among races,” he tells the LA Daily News, which qualifies his statement by saying this is “if he has his way.” Being candid, Probst says they probably would not divide tribes by race again, but that doesn’t mean other stunt-like moves are out of the question. “You have to try to do things that are different. After 13 seasons, we’re running out of ideas,” he says. As tothis season’s controversy, Probst says, “I wasn’t entirely comfortable being a spokesman for racial diversity.” That’s kind of an understatement, since he pretty much embarrassed himself when talking about ethnicity to the media. But he does say that the (over-) reaction was “appropriate and understandable.”

TODAY IN HISTORY

1285: Accused of the ritual murder of Catholic boys, 180 Jews are burned alive in Munich when an angry mob sets fire to their synagogue. 1960: In response to a speech by the Philippine delegation denouncing the USSR's domination of Eastern Europe, Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev brandishes one of his sandals at the man during a general assembly of the United Nations. 1966: Sammy Davis, Jr. makes a cameo appearance on the ABC television series Batman, during one of their legendary Batclimbs. 1969: According to rumor, Paul is dead. However, the Beatle somehow persists in making several public appearances for years. 1969: Police capture Charles Manson at Barker Ranch, inside Death Valley National Park. Charlie is arrested for arson, after burning a maintenance vehicle blocking his favorite dune buggy route. One of his followers, Susan Atkins, is arrested the following day and spills the beans about the Tate/LaBianca murderers. Manson has not left prison since. 1970: During his court martial for the My Lai Massacre, Lt. William Calley testifies that Cpt. Ernest Medina had ordered that anybody they couldn't move would be "wasted." Which is why Calley said he and his men killed 350 Vietnamese, including more than 100 civilian men, women, and children. 1978: Former Sex Pistols bassist Sid Vicious stabs girlfriend Nancy Spungen to death in room 100 of New York's Chelsea Hotel. Because Sid remembers nothing about the crime, theories include robbery and an abortive suicide pact. Vicious dies of an ugly heroin overdose shortly before his trial. 1997: Folk singer John Denver dies when his newest toy, a homebuilt Long-EZ single-seat airplane, crashes into the ocean near Monterey, California. Unfortunately, the person who constructed the plane opted to locate the fuel tank selector valve behind the pilot's left shoulder. In order for Denver to reach back and switch tanks, he had to let go of the flight controls. At which point, the aircraft plunged 500 feet into the Pacific Ocean. Divers later recover most of the body, but not the head. Denver is ultimately identified by his fingerprints. 2000: Two al Qaeda agents pull alongside the USS Cole in a fiberglass boat disguised as a tender at the harbor in Aden, Yemen. Then the boat explodes, ripping a 40-foot hole along the port side of the destroyer's hull, killing 17 sailors and wounding 39 others. 2003: 30 lunatics are killed in Randilovshchina, Belarus when a fire sweeps through their sanitarium, many of whom die locked in their rooms. It is believed that the blaze was an act of arson by one of the patients.

CANNED LAUGHTER

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass." "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said. "But, sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree." "Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also." The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!" "Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."

And now for a joke from my wife Jen: The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled "You Can Be The Man of Your House." He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law! You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner you are going to go upstairs with me, and we will have the kind of sex that I want. After that, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then you will massage my feet and hands. Then after that's done, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?" His wife replied, "The fuckin' funeral director would be my guess." 

One of my favorite shows of the new season is 'Heroes', so I am going to give you 'Heroes' news now and then. My other new favorite show was 'Smith', but that got cancelled after only three episodes. Anyway, here's...

HEROES

Ali Larter, one of the stars of NBC's new hit series 'Heroes', says that the details of her character's mysterious double life will be revealed in upcoming episodes. "Where we're leading to is that there's going to be a duality within my personality," Larter said in a conference call with journalists on Oct. 11. "So there's one side that has to conform to society's rules and laws, and the shadow side that can actually live out the dark fantasies that are repressed within all of us." On the show, Larter plays single mother Niki Sanders, whose mirror reflection seems to have a life of her own. 'Heroes' creator and executive producer Tim Kring, who also participated in the call, added that viewers can draw a parallel to the character of Niki and other famous dual personalities. "I would say that it's a very safe thing to sort of assume that it's a Dr. Jekyll-and-Mr. Hyde or Hulk kind of personality," Kring said. "But we are leaving the door very open for new surprises." Kring said that Niki's power was intentionally kept vague in the first few episodes because the writers wanted the audience to discover it along with the character. But there will be more explanation as the series continues. "It is intended to be confusing at the beginning, because we are following it through her point of view, as though you had woken up with this very curious thing happening to you," he said. "Niki's character is the one character that is discovering this in the most confusing way. So we are asking the audience to sort of buy into that conceit that it's going to be a road to discovery. And in the next couple of episodes, it becomes clearer and clearer. And after six episodes it should be very clear what's happening." Larter also revealed that her character's story will lighten up in future episodes, and she may even be getting a love interest. "I'm in a bit of fear and distress right now, but if you hold on for just one more episode, we're going to get a little romance," she said. "You get a little bit of cheekiness in it. And, actually, what's amazing about this writing is that it really pushes me and makes me kind of find, actually, all different tones within our show. So you're getting there. That's just the first couple episodes. It definitely opens up to a whole new world." 'Heroes' airs on NBC Mondays at 9 p.m. PT/ET.

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU

Star Wars creator George Lucas told the Associated Press that he's making a 3-D computer-animated version of his hit animated Clone Wars TV series, which could air as early as next year, although he hasn't sold the show to a network yet. The series would be set during the time when the Republic is fighting a civil war against separatists led by Count Dooku. "It basically has all the main characters," such as Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi, Lucas told the AP. But the stars who played them in the movies won't voice them for the TV show. "There's nobody famous," Lucas said.
The show is planned as a continuation of the Emmy-winning 2-D animated Clone Wars, which aired in 25 episodes on Cartoon Network from 2003 to 2005.

BROKEN

What is the total trying to describe exactly?

BIZARRE X-RAYS

A nail gun shot six nails into construction worker Isidro Mejia's head during an April 2004 accident. He not only survived but was expected at the time to recover fully.

MOVIE BUZZ

Pirates of the Caribbean 4: Not sure how much I believe that they're writing Orlando Bloom out of the rumored fourth installment. He might be a testosterone-deprived pantywaist, but from my experience, chicks sorta dig that.

Alpha Dog: Kids, don't deal drugs — it only leads to cool tattoos, pool parties, hot babes and easy money.

Ghost Rider: The trailer has a ton of ridiculous moments, but my fave has to be Eva Mendes interviewing a Goth chick about Nic Cage's flaming skull.

I Slept With Joey Ramone: It only took 'Entourage' to remind Hollywood that A) Joey Ramone is dead, and B) Nobody has made a biopic about him.

Pan's Labyrinth: Each generation has its own weirdo kiddie movie filled with trippy visuals. For Gen-Xers, it was Labyrinth. Today's tweens get Pan's version, which has plenty of CGI but an unfortunate lack of David Bowie.

Rambo IV:The Serpent's Eye: Did you know that Christian missionaries are often attacked by pirates? Worse, sometimes they're imprisoned by Burmese soldiers. Fortunately, Stallone and his band of misfit mercenaries are coming to the rescue! But I bet they're not aware that it's only known as Burma to those countries choosing not to recognize its military junta. To those that do, it's Myanmar. You just learned something!

The Bourne Ultimatum: The first set pics see Bourne walkin' around with a predictable new love interest. How do you turn a butt-kicking superspy into an emasculated dork? Put him on a scooter.

Shut Up And Sing: What's on your iPod? On mine you'll find Britney Spears, hair metal, Huey Lewis and the band in this trailer, the Dixie Chicks. Some call my taste "eclectic." Others call it "embarrassing."

Well, well, that's about it. In a few weeks we'll be moving to a house, so there could be a break in the Phile for a week or two. Hopefully I'll know more next week. I will leave you with a random pic. Remember, spread the word and not the turd.