Thursday, October 19, 2006

I'll Be Osama, You Be The Cave

Or, if you like it better, I’ll be Saddam and you be the spider-hole. If you know what I mean, nudge, nudge, wink wink. Anyway, welcome to the Phile. I am your host Jason 'Broken Toe' Peverett. Over the past weekend I slipped on some cardboard in Logan's room and my foot hit the book shelf, breaking one of my toes. A guy jumped the fence at the White House and got very close before the Secret Service got him. That’s the problem, once you get over the fence there’s nowhere to go. So there was two people at the White House without an exit strategy. There are reports that the military is having troubles in some areas of Afghanistan where the marijuana forests are over ten feet tall. I’m thinking just set out some Doritos and Twinkies near the forest. Senator Hillary Clinton says that she would be in favor of legalized torture on terrorists to get information that we need. That’s bad news for Bill! Bill Clinton was recently asked about rumors he has once again been unfaithful in his marriage. Many Democrats are concerned with this and have warned him about it. When asked, Bill said that there was nothing to the rumors. One thing we know, when Bill Clinton denies something – we can take that statement to the bank! Wal-Mart has just built the second largest store in China. It is called the Great Wal-Mart of China. The Mayor of San Francisco is under fire for dating a 20-year-old. There was a picture of them together in the paper and she was holding a glass of wine. The problem being she’s only 20. I know what you’re thinking – the Mayor of San Francisco is straight?! There was an earthquake in Hawaii last Monday. President Bush said that the government would do everything to help the people of Hawaii out. He went on to say that he considers Hawaii to be one of our most important allies. FEMA was on site immediately. Actually they had just showed up for the bombing of Pearl Harbor the day before and just figured while they were there they might as well check out the earthquake. Did you see that fight at the college football game between Miami and Florida International? 31 players were suspended. Not only were they suspended but they now also will have to take actual tests in college. That’s never happened before. John Kerry says that he deserves a second chance to run for president. I say if his wife can afford it – why not? Mark Foley is now writing a book. The book is said to be about 400 pages long. No word on what the book is about, though it will be about 400 pages.


I don’t know what the problem is with this “football” being incapable of ending on time, but having now tuned in to The Amazing Race 10 twice, now, only to find 60 Minutes on instead, I’m getting annoyed. Whatever games you are playing, football, enough is enough. And because of this, I didn't get to see the second half of the Amazing Race. And on Survivor, the tribes may have merged on Survivor Cook Islands, but the show’s diverse cast is getting less diverse with every passing week. Five people have now been voted off, and all five white people and all five Asians remain. What does this mean? Perhaps nothing, but here’s the breakdown so far. Number of people voted off by original tribe membership: Aitu (Latino): 3,  Hiki (black): 2,  Puka (Asian): 0,  Raro (white): 0.


Tim Kring, creator and executive producer of NBC's hit series Heroes, told SCI FI Wire that audiences can expect the show's superpowered characters to start joining forces and working as a team in upcoming episodes. "As their destiny starts to sort of become intermingled with one another, yes, they have to form this sort of alliance with one another," Kring said in a conference call with journalists on Oct. 11. "And then, in a sense, join with each other in order to figure out what's going on. Every character has sort of a tiny piece of the puzzle. So the puzzle gets put together by the characters coming together." Rather than continuing to focus on the individual storylines of the large cast of characters, Kring said that Heroes will gradually integrate the threads into a single overarching story. "If you sort of look at it as kind of a funnel, it starts wide and starts to narrow," he said. "As these characters start to cross paths, you no longer have to tell eight stories. You can tell four stories or three stories. So there is a natural progression that's allowing us to tell less and less scattered stories." Kring confirmed that the heroes will find a common enemy in the mysterious serial killer known as Sylar, who Kring called the "major villain" of the first season. Though the identity of Sylar hasn't been revealed, he may be someone that viewers have already met. "We're going to leave some of the answers to that vague, because I really want the audience to be surprised when we do introduce the character." Kring said. "I know there is speculation that the character is somebody that is among the characters already, and I'm comfortable with that speculation. And I kind of don't want to give it away." Heroes airs Mondays at 9 p.m. PT/ET.


The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes? A: A fsh.

Siamese twins from the U.S. vacation at the same resort in England every year. The manager recognizes the conjoined brothers on one visit and asks if they keep coming back for the sights. "Oh, no," one of the twins says. "We've seen everything the city has to offer." "Perhaps you enjoy our many pubs?" the manager asks. "We don't drink," one twin replies. "You must fancy our fish and chips, then?" the manager asks. "No, we prefer burgers," one twin says. "Then what makes you come back year after year?" the manager asks. The left twin points to his brother and says, "It's the only chance he gets to drive."


1982: Maverick carmaker John DeLorean is arrested in Los Angeles with $24M worth of cocaine in his suitcase. The case is later thrown out of court when a judge rules that the FBI sting operation constituted entrapment. 1987: The New York Stock Exchange suffers its worst crash in history, when the market suddenly loses $500B. The Dow Jones Industrial Average drops 22.6%, twice the amount of the 1929 crash. 1997: During the warm-up act at the Pittsburgh Civic Arena, 4,642 Mötley Crüe fans - including a few minor children - are treated to a vignette from a pornographic video projected above the stage. The scene depicts a naked woman masturbating with a dildo and performing fellatio. Tommy Lee does not appear in the video. 1998: The ClubLove website posts nude photos of irritating radio personality "Dr." Laura Schlessinger. At first, Schlessinger denies the pictures are of her, but then inexplicably files a copyright infringement suit against IEG, publisher of the site. In doing so, Schlessinger tacitly admits the authenticity of the nudie pictures, which includes a "money shot." Ultimately, IEG prevails, and the photos remain on the site. Dr. Laura's radio show consists of a prudish, moralistic and religious advice show, making this whole episode highly amusing.


Way Too Much Science Fiction: Evolutionary theorist Oliver Curry of the London School of Economics expects a genetic upper class and a dim-witted underclass to emerge. The human race would peak in the year 3000, he said - before a decline due to dependence on technology. People would become choosier about their sexual partners, causing humanity to divide into sub-species, he added. The descendants of the genetic upper class would be tall, slim, healthy, attractive, intelligent, and creative and a far cry from the "underclass" humans who would have evolved into dim-witted, ugly, squat goblin-like creatures. But in the nearer future, humans will evolve in 1,000 years into giants between 6ft and 7ft tall, he predicts, while life-spans will have extended to 120 years, Dr Curry claims. Physical appearance, driven by indicators of health, youth and fertility, will improve, he says, while men will exhibit symmetrical facial features, look athletic, and have squarer jaws, deeper voices and bigger penises. Women, on the other hand, will develop lighter, smooth, hairless skin, large clear eyes, pert breasts, glossy hair, and even features, he adds. Racial differences will be ironed out by interbreeding, producing a uniform race of coffee-coloured people. However, Dr Curry warns, in 10,000 years time humans may have paid a genetic price for relying on technology. Spoiled by gadgets designed to meet their every need, they could come to resemble domesticated animals. Social skills, such as communicating and interacting with others, could be lost, along with emotions such as love, sympathy, trust and respect. People would become less able to care for others, or perform in teams. Physically, they would start to appear more juvenile. Chins would recede, as a result of having to chew less on processed food. There could also be health problems caused by reliance on medicine, resulting in weak immune systems. Preventing deaths would also help to preserve the genetic defects that cause cancer. Further into the future, sexual selection - being choosy about one's partner - was likely to create more and more genetic inequality, said Dr Curry. The logical outcome would be two sub-species, "gracile" and "robust" humans similar to the Eloi and Morlocks foretold by HG Wells in his 1895 novel The Time Machine. "While science and technology have the potential to create an ideal habitat for humanity over the next millennium, there is a possibility of a monumental genetic hangover over the subsequent millennia due to an over-reliance on technology reducing our natural capacity to resist disease, or our evolved ability to get along with each other, said Dr Curry.


A An 6-inch pair of surgical scissors appears in the abdomen of Australian Pat Skinner in April 2004 -- 18 months after her initial operation.


Ghost Rider: This clip will do nothing to convince you that the flick won't be monumentally stupid, but I gotta admit, watching Nic Cage's skull burning up is freakin' awesome!
Iron Man: Head over to Jon Favreau's MySpace blog to help him cast hottie Pepper Potts, who, obviously, should be played by Alyson Hannigan. And while you're there, deliver a digital slap upside the head to the idiots calling for Britney Spears and Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer: Silver Is Only Skin Deep Before CGI, he's the Green Surfer.
Casino Royale: Bond's got a history of selling out, but watching Vesper Lynd and the voice of 007 pitch Heineken is downright depressing.
The Best Time Of Our Lives: The relationship between Keira Knightley and Lindsay Lohan may have "lesbian undertones." This does not guarantee hot girl-on-girl make-out sessions. Though I certainly wouldn't object. Just saying.
The Dark Knight: Looks like the Penguin will be a no-show in the Batman sequel, which means no Philip Seymour Hoffman either. With Chris Nolan's co-writer bro saying that Warner Brothers has a "team of ninjas" that will "double execute" him if he leaks any info, consider all Internet innuendo to be complete B.S. until further notice.

Dallas: The Movie: Everyone — including J-Lo, Luke Wilson, Meg Ryan, Shirley MacLaine and maybe even the director — has bailed except John Travolta, whose willingness to stick with this project is no doubt the result of fatsuit-induced heatstroke.

Well, that's about it. I had a great time this past weekend with my sister Lucy, her husband Seth, and their three kids Noah, Jonah and Leah and my other sister Leila with her husband Ben and their dog Bodie. I will be posting pics from the family reunion soon on webshots as well as pictures from the trainers day out at work. I have tons of pics to post! Also, it looks like we won't be moving until early next year, so there's not going to be a break in the weekly Phile, if I have a say. I will leave you with a random pic for now, and until next week, spread the word and not the turd.

Click for a random picture!

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