Pheaturing Brian Posehn

 

Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. How are you? I'm tired from staying up watching the most boring Oscars ever. There was something definitely off with the shaky camera work, awkward jokes, and sun flooding in through the windows while A-list celebrities sat dressed in their best formal attire and makeup not meant for natural lighting. Still, the glaring problem with the entire night was Chadwick Boseman's snub. Chloé Zhao made history as the first woman of color to win the Oscar for Best Director, there was a beautiful moment with an octopus, Frances McDormand barked, everyone found out there's a live action version of Pinocchio, and Glenn Close danced to "Da Butt." So... it looks like we are ending the month with a very colorful night sky. The final week of April will kick off with a full moon, known as the Pink Moon. Not only that but this is also known as a Super Moon. The Moon will officially become full at 11:32 p.m. ET on Monday, April 26th. It will look full when it rises above the Eastern Horizon that evening. However, before you get your hopes up, unfortunately, the Moon won’t look pink. According to The Old Farmer’s Almanac, “The moon will be its usual golden color near the horizon and fade to a bright white as it glides overhead,” the Almanac said. So why is it called a pink moon? Well, according to the Almanac, “April’s Full Moon often corresponded with the early springtime blooms of a certain pink wildflower native to eastern North America: Phlox subulata... commonly called creeping phlox or moss phlox... which also went by the name ‘moss pink.'” NASA also stated that other names for this moon include the Egg Moon, the Sprouting Grass Moon, and among the coastal tribes of North America, the Fish Moon. This was due to when the shad swam upstream to spawn. Fun fact, this is the first of two Supermoons this year. Supermoons usually occur when the full moon is at its closest approach to Earth and its orbit. The moon appears larger due to the distance of 222,064 miles versus an average of 240,000 Miles. According to Space.com, the moon looks a little bit bigger and brighter at this time. On average, super moons are around 7% bigger and around 50% brighter than a typical full moon. The term Super Moon was created in 1979 by astrologer Richard Nolle. The term has then become increasingly popular in decades since then. According to NASA, it is now used by the media today in order to describe what astronomers would call a Perigean Full Moon. NASA also stated that several different publications are and organizations use slightly different thresholds for deciding which full moons actually qualify as a Super Moon. But for this year, they all agree that two full moons in April and May are indeed super moons. The next full moon will occur on May 26th.

After an unknown suspect threw a large cup of battery acid in her face last month, leaving her scarred and blind in one eye, 21-year-old Nafiah Fatima Ikram just wants answers. Ikram had just driven back to her family’s Elmont home after a 10-hour shift at CVS, where she worked as a pharmacy technician. Her mom, who had been in the passenger seat, scrambled into the house to use the bathroom while Ikram lingered behind. That’s when a man in a black hoodie threw a large cup of battery acid in the college student’s face. “At the time, I didn’t know it was acid. I started walking because I thought it was just a prank... the substance felt warm, room temperature, like juice thrown on me,” Ikram told NBC News 4 New York. “A couple of seconds later it started to burn, I started to panic and ran into the house.” According to The New York Times, the acid seared Ikram’s eye and ran down her throat, burning her lungs. Luckily, her mother, a nurse practitioner, rushed her daughter to the bathroom and doused her in water before calling 911... probably saving her daughter’s life. Ikram, who is a pre-med student at Hofstra University, spent three weeks in the hospital with serious burns on her face, eyes, chest, and arms. More than a month since the attack, the college student still has painful burns and difficulty eating. She is legally blind in one eye... possibly for good, doctors warn. “I can just see colors, but that’s it,” Ikram told CNN affiliate WCBS. Beyond physical injuries, Ikram and her family have also been left with fear and emotional scars. “We cannot relax,” Sheikh Ikram, Ms. Ikram’s father, told The New York Times. “We cannot even sit outside. We are mentally so disturbed.” A month later, the attacker has still not been found. Investigators with the Nassau County Police Department have said they are looking for a man with a skinny build who is about 6 feet 2 inches tall. The man reportedly drove away in a 2013 red Nissan Altima with yellow New York state license plates, according to CAIR New York. Part of the incident was recorded on a surveillance video. Long Island police officers are offering a $10,000 reward for information that helps with the arrest of the attacker or anyone else involved in the crime, says Nassau County Police Commissioner Patrick Ryder. The incident has been earning more attention lately, since “Top Chef” and “Taste the Nation” host Padma Lakshmi posted about it on social media. In the post, Lakshmi calls for “Justice for Nafiah, my family friend and victim of an acid attack” and asks people to donate to a GoFundMe campaign to help pay for her treatment... which totaled more than $370,000. The vicious and seemingly unprovoked attack on Ikram, who is Muslim and of Pakistani descent, comes amid a rise in hate crimes against Asian-Americans in NYC and around the country. Experts believe the surge in hate crimes may be fueled by racism tied to the coronavirus pandemic. However, the Ikram family does not believe that the attack was racially or religiously motivated, in part because it seemed like the suspect waited to attack the daughter and not her mother. “This is about just humanity, you know?” Ikram told CBS4. “That’s what’s important.” “I just want to know why.” Anyone with information is urged to reach out to Nassau County Crime Stoppers at 1-800-244-TIPS or at nassaucounty.crimestoppersweb.com. 

Question! What do you do when you when you’re home alone, only have 10 minutes to style your hair, and can’t find your curling iron or flat iron anywhere? Well, you think fast and go on YouTube to look up cute up-do hairstyles. But no, this woman thought it was a genius idea to basically give up on looking for her curling iron, and use a boiling hot radiator pipe to give her those perfect curls. Yes, she just squatted down on the floor and partially wrapped her long blonde hair around the pipe for that smooth commercial-ready bouncy curl look. Honestly, I really don’t know what to think about this. Let me give you a little background into this whole mess. Apparently, 22-year-old Emily Kendall was prepping for a night out on the town, but almost called her plans because of a “hair emergency.” Don’t lie, ladies, you have all been there. As the mom of one searched for her hair tools, her daughter attempted to touch the pipes. Trying to stop her daughter from touching them, she had an idea, realizing that the pipe was pretty much burning. So, she got down on the floor and then wrapped her hair around the copper pipe, careful enough not to burn herself. You know, the normal. Twenty minutes later, she said her hair was fully curled. Kendall said she was “delighted” that her curls lasted all night, and has vowed to continue her trendy “hack” until she can get another curling iron. She also noted that this “new technique” was way faster, since with her curling iron it takes 40 minutes, and she is “saving on electricity in the meantime.” Which, I mean sure you’re saving time on curling your hair, but do you know the damage you’re doing to it? You’re basically using a freaking heater on your hair! That can’t be good. Even hairdressers hate using any sort of curling iron or hot styling tools on someone, imagine a heater! Yikes. PLUS, what if your hair would have gotten on fire? Now, I don’t know what y’all think about this, but this “good hack” to me seems nuts. Listen, Kendall, I am going to go ahead and give you an A for effort, but an F for creativity because there are way better methods out there. Don’t complain when your hair burns off your skull.

If you’ve ever been rejected by a match through an online dating app, take solace... at least you weren’t turned over to the FBI. Robert Chapman, a New York man who boasted about storming the U.S. capitol to on the dating app Bumble, wasn’t so lucky. In an exchange on January 13th, Chapman boasted to an unidentified Bumble match that “I did storm the Capitol”. The Carmel, New York resident added, “I made it all the way into the Statuary Hall!” and said that he had spoken to reporters at the Washington Post and the Wall Street Journal. “We are not a match,” the Bumble user replied, before sending a screenshot of the incriminating conversation to the FBI. After receiving the Bumble tip, the FBI was able to track down other clues linking Chapman to the Capitol riot carried out by a mob of former President Donald Trump supporters. The feds say that a man who looks like Chapman was spotted inside Statuary Hall on body camera footage from D.C.’s Metropolitan Police Department. Their next clue was a Facebook post published a day after the riots. According to court documents, the post was published by user Lisa Jeanne Vunk and included an image of Chapman inside the Capitol. “My Dear friend and BroStar Robert made it in the Capitol building at the protest yesterday… Wooo Hooooooooo!!!!” the caption said. More incriminating clues could be found in Chapman’s own social media posts, where he often implied or even boasted about involvement in the riot. In one Facebook post, he wrote “Gettin out Of New York Shitty, the rotten apple. Gonna go down to the District of Criminality to Enjoy some much deserved Entertainment!” “I’m fucking inside the Crapitol,” he bragged in another, according to court filings. But the final nail on the coffin might have been his profile picture: a selfie of Chapman at the riot. And so, the Capitol riot suspect was taken into custody by FBI agents on Thursday. Chapman is being charged with knowingly trespassing on a restricted building and disorderly conduct on government property. So far, Chapman is one of more than 400 people charged with participation in the January 6 pro-Trump riots in Washington D.C. Many suspected capitol rioters have been turned in by family, friends, and even amateur Internet detectives who use dating apps to collect incriminating evidence and confessions to turn over to law enforcement.

A mural of George Floyd located in Houston, Texas was vandalized, according to Police Chief Troy Finner. Finner stated the vandalism was carried out overnight by a “knucklehead who doesn’t know what their motivation is, hate, or whatever.” According to CNN affiliate KTRK, the mural in Floyd’s hometown with his face was vandalized with a racial slur but has now been covered by the artist who initially created it. Floyd died after former Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin kneeled on his neck for more than 9 minutes last year. The former police officer was found guilty of all three charges against him in one of the most-watched trials of the Black Lives Matter. He is said to be sentenced in June. In reference to Chauvin’s verdict, Chief Finner stated that some people were upset and others pleased, but he is encouraging the community to stick together and keep the city at peace. He noted, “But one thing I want to say about Houston, Texas. We stick together. My friends, some of the people and things that I’ve been talking about over the last couple of weeks, us sticking together, and when you see something, you say something. We got the call and HPD are here. I want everybody to understand, ignore people with bad hearts and bad motivation, do not give them the power,” He also warned the vandals that they will be held accountable by Houston Police if they keep doing these sorts of things. President Joe Biden called a guilty verdict in the trial an indictment on unjust policing. He stated “we can’t stop here. in order to deliver real change and reform, we can and we must do more to reduce the likelihood that tragedies like this will ever happen or occur again.” Chauvin was found guilty of second-degree unintentional murder, guilty of third-degree murder, and guilty of second-degree manslaughter. Prosecutor Steve Schleicher argued during the trial that Floyd’s cause of death last May was a direct result of Chauvin’s actions due to his weight on Floyd’s neck. Medical experts stated that he died of low oxygen levels that caused a brain injury and arrhythmia causing his heart to ultimately stop.

Instead of doing this blog thing I should be listening to this album...

Ummm... maybe not. Do you know what makes me chuckle? When people reenact pictures from their past like this one...

Hahahaha. If I had a TARDIS I would try and meet actress Marlene Dietrich. But knowing my luck she'll be kissing a soldier returning home aboard the USS Monticello...

She was German and she helped fighting the Nazis. A good German you would think. But even as late as 1996, she is hated by many Germans for that. Any stroll through a store would have you believe that "pink is for girls" and "blue is for boys" are the associated gender roles are the very backbone of our society. Products from nail clippers to hand lotion are assigned genders when last time I checked, inanimate objects don't have gender identities. Like these bathroom doors...

If you're looking for a graphic design job, you may want to contact whoever employed the people responsible for the following design fail. They are most likely hiring.

Well, that seems unfair. It's always nice to do your partner a solid and help them throw a party for their friends. But what if they're serially abusing the privilege? One woman is asking if she was in the wrong for leaving her husband high and dry when he invited his bros over for a barbecue. She emailed the Phile to ask if she was wrong for skipping out on helping... especially because he's abused the privilege several times before. She says she "always ends up doing everything."

So, my husband likes to invite his friends (note: HIS friends. I am not close with them) for barbecue parties. He prides himself on his BBQ skills. The thing is... I always end up doing everything! He buys and preps the meat and then grills and serves it (and collects praise for his BBQ skills). I have to buy drinks, get out enough dishes, clean up the patio/deck (non native speaker, idk which one to use). I prepare the sides and veggies, I refill the drinks and take away dishes (we don’t use paper plates or plastic cups since I find it wasteful) so as to keep the main table tidy. It’s just nonstop work for me. He just told me last week that he invited his friends for Saturday (so yesterday). Just announced it, didn’t ask me. I said well okay, do I know anyone? Nope, those are his work mates and they won’t be bringing their spouses. My husband called it a “guys’ night." I said okay then, guys’ night, well enjoy yourselves, I will be in my craft room working on some of my projects and drinking wine. He said he will handle it. The BBQ turned out to be a shit show: spoiler alert, he did not handle it. He got the meat alright, but just ignored any other preparation and I was just so sick and tired of being taken for granted (he never asks me for help, I just do stuff...) so I didn’t do anything. The patio was a mess, the upholstery of the garden furniture was all messy from our dogs, the table wasn’t wiped down, there was stuff lying all around. His friends arrived, I welcomed them and then excused myself to my crafts room, put some music on and worked. Cue the messages. He started asking for stuff, like where are the plates (we only keep a small set in the kitchen, the rest is in the basement), where are the cups, why isn’t the beer chilled, where is the non alcoholic beer... did I not buy it? Where are the sides? I just replied that he said he would handle it all himself. This is also where I feel I might have been wrong, it would have taken me just minutes to at least tell him where the stuff is. I checked on the guys a few hours later and it was a disaster. Table all cluttered, they ordered some takeout as sides, there weren’t enough dishes and silverware, someone had to go drive for drinks. On Sunday (today) he was all grumpy and actually told me that he is disappointed that I didn’t pull my weight and that I made our family look sloppy and bad. I told him that I am not his little housewife and that he is a big guy and if he embarrassed himself in front of his work mates, that’s all on him. And that I’m glad that he can see at least a tiny bit of work that I do around the house. He got upset and went for a run to let off some steam. Oh, and the patio is full of dishes, he didn’t even clean the grill. I’m not touching anything. My dear, you didn't have to help but you could've talked to him about this first. Is he always this entitled? Rethink your entire relationship dynamic if he is and start demanding for the kind of treatment you deserve. I love this kind of take a stand thing. You are not a assistant/slave/maid/cleaner. Its gonna be while before your husband will do another BBQ. Not until he learn how much job it take to organize a proper BBQ party. Why he'd think you'd want to waitress for free at his guys night is a mystery. Hopefully he'll understand the invisible work you were doing all this time now and appreciate you for it. I'd also guess that while it was a disaster compared to usual that most of the guests probably had no idea. Well,  hope that works out for them both. If you have a problem you want my advice on then email me at thepeverettphile@gmail.com. Okay, now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...

Top Phive Things Summing Up The Chaos Of The 2021 Oscars

5. The lighting at the pandemic Oscars makes it looks like all these famous people put on ball gowns to have a pep rally in the middle school gym/auditorium.

4. I did not have Glenn Close doing "Da Butt" on my Oscars bingo card but here we are. 

3. My Octopus Teacher: the incredible true story of a man wasting an octopus' time. 

2. I've never met Francis McDormand and I still feel she's mad at me. 

And the number one thing summing up the chaos of the 2021 Oscars is...

1. The plan? Campaign a fake Pinocchio movie in the hopes of getting an Oscar nomination. 

If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, let's take a live look at Port Jefferson, shall we?

Seems like a nice day there. Okay, here's a story from...

It looks like some people really do just have bad luck. A motorist near Port Oregon, Florida called 911 to report a random object that has flown through her windshield and struck her elderly mother on the head. What was this object, you might ask? Oh you know, just a turtle. Yep, the driver realized that the object was not a rock, not a branch, and was definitely some sort of animal. Luckily, the turtle apparently suffered only minor injuries and was later released into the woods by firefighters. A dispatch supervisor at the scene called the incident bizarre, saying that it was crazy for a turtle to actually go through a windshield. (Side Note; apparently this happens… and a lot.) As far as the 71-year-old woman, she’s suffered a cut above one of her eyes and was taken to Halifax Health Medical Center for treatment. Port Orange Police Officer, Andre Fleming stated, “I swear to God this lady has the worst luck of anything.” According to the recording of the 911 call, the woman told a dispatcher that she was driving on the Florida highway near Daytona Beach on Interstate 95 when something had hit her windshield, breaking the glass, and hitting her mother who was sitting in the passenger seat. The dispatcher asked her to confirm the object, and the woman asked a man who had pulled over to help if he had seen anything in the front seat. The man can then be heard saying, “There’s a turtle in there.” To which the women can be heard saying in disbelief, “A turtle? An actual turtle?” LOOOOOL. I would be in disbelief too. So yeah, indeed it was an actual turtle. The reptile apparently suffered scratches to its shell but it was otherwise intact. Police believe that they might have been knocked into the air by another car as it was attempting to cross the road. The dispatcher had instructed the woman to use a clean and dry cloth in order to apply pressure to her mother’s wound, which apparently was bleeding profusely. The mother did not lose consciousness and is expected to make a full recovery. Thank God for that, because that would have been a terrible way to leave this world. This is just so funny to me, you don’t really think about turtles flying into your windshield every day. I’m just glad that both parties are okay. I guess this is your reminder to make sure you look twice for turtles on the road or else go get hit by one.  

The 150th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

The legendary and iconic Dolly Parton will be on the Phile in a few weeks! 

Today's guest is an American stand-up comedian, actor, voice actor, musician, writer. Last year In 2020, Posehn released his first music-only album, "Grandpa Metal," which featured guest appearances from Brendon Small of Dethklok, Scott Ian, Corey Taylor of Slipknot and Stone Sour, Weird Al Yankovic, Phil Demmel of Machine Head, Michael Starr of Steel Panther and others. The album consists of comedy metal songs, as well as metal covers of "Take On Me" by A-Ha and "The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?)" by Ylvis. Please welcome to the Phile... Brian Posehn.

Me: Hey, Brian, welcome to the Phile. How are you? 

Brian: I'm good, how are you? 

Me: I'm doing good. You have a new heavy metal album out called "Granda Metal," what made you wanna do a record like this? 

Brian: I did songs with Scott Ian before on my stand-up records. After we've done those it was always the idea to do a full album at some point. It's been awhile then about six years ago we signed at Megaforce to do this record and it took that long to make it. Mainly because Scott and I have crazy schedules then it just stretched and stretched and the next thing we knew we had "The Chinese Democracy" of comedy metal records. 

Me: Did you mean to take so long to come out with this record? 

Brian: It was never the intention to take this long but it had taken about five years and we said we better wrap this up. So I got people to help me and we finished the record. I can't actually believe I'm talking about this thing that's been in my head for so long. 

Me: So, what was the main idea? 

Brian: To put out a fun comedy record combining the things I love and hoping that other people will get it. It's really for metal heads. I don't think people that don't listen to heavy metal will find this and enjoy this. If they listened to metal their whole life I think they'll have fun. 

Me: You have a who's who in the metal world on the album, Brian. Was it easy to get all these people? 

Brian: No one straight up said no. The only people were Zetro and Chuck Billy, when I asked them to be on "Take On Me" were like, "Really? You're covering that song?" And I was like yes, yes we are and trust me. When they were doing their vocals they were both recording their vocals up in the Bay Area without me they both said they didn't know how to sing this. "How do you want me to sing this?" And I said, "I want you to sing it like Chuck Billy. That's why I asked you to do this for a reason." It did't take much convincing, they both went "okay." I said, "Do what you do." And it came out amazing. I'm proud of it but it took a little bit for them to go out of their wheelhouse. They don't ever seem to do anything silly or goofy. They're metal all the time, but it took me to say, "I know this song is a little whatever but I just want to do the most metal version of that song." 

Me: I don't know what's more surprising, "Take On Me" or "The Fox, What the Fox Say." How did you pick that song? 

Brian: Well, we did "The Fox" almost six years ago. Then we did "Take On Me" about three years ago before Jill Janus passed, we got her to be on the record. I never went, "These are the two songs that I'm covering." They are just sort of both European pop tunes that we sped up and made metal. Both songs leant to making them heavier. I think they both turned out great and what I pictured. I always said any song I hear would be better if it was made metal and I feel I proved my point with two goofy pop tunes and made them heavy. 

Me: I can't believe that bloody "Fox" song came out originally six or plus years ago. 

Brian: Yeah, right, and I think waiting five years to, we didn't put it out right when the song was popular. I feel like we waited. My favorite part about it was getting Scott Ian doing gang vocals on it. To do that Anthrax style, having him in the booth singing, "what would the fox say?" that stuff cracked me up the most. 

Me: I saw Scott on a plane once and met him at Disney's Hollywood Studios, I gave him a bunch of Fastpasses for his family. He seems like a cool guy, is he? 

Brian: Scott has a great sense of humor and is one of my closest friends. He's so metal and having him, "what the fox say?" it's really silly. 

Me: You're a funny guy, "Weird" Al, who has been on the Phile a few times it a funny guy, you say Scott Ian has a sense of humor, but is any one of these serious metal people surprising they have a sense of humor? 

Brian: Gary Holt. Yeah. I know those dudes. Those guys all have a sense of humor. The thing about the record and all the people I got are all my friends. Exception of one. The only person that's even on the record that I didn't personally ask is Jeff Pilson from Dokken. My producer asked him. Everybody else, they're all my pals. So it took awhile, even 16 years ago, that Gary Holt has a sense of humor. It happened being his friend going, okay, this guy is funny. He wrote these terrifying Exodus songs when he was a teenager but he's a funny dude. 

Me: Who produced the record, Brian? 

Brian: Jay Rustin, whose got a really great track record with really great metal albums. We didn't go and get a nobody in the world of production. We kind of went for one of the best. 

Me: Is this his first record like this? 

Brian: He's done "More Metal Than You" also with me. We've been friends for a while, he did that song and "The Gambler" however long ago I've recorded those, I'm not even sure. On my second comedy record on Relapse I did those two songs. The first one I used Bill Metoyer, who produced "Metal By Numbers." Not often guys doing a first thing hooks up with guys like him. It just came from Scott introducing me and then Jay and I becoming friends. And Jay was super patient with this record. He lives near me so whenever these songs became together... these songs may not have vocals from a year and I'd go, "Hey, man, I finally wrote lyrics for 'Grandpa Metal,' let me come in and do it." Jay was so cool about that. He was in between doing other projects. 

 

Me: Do you think your fans will listen to this record more than your comedy albums? 

Brian: That's what I was going for but there are comedy albums I would listen to. Like Adam Sandler and before that there was Cheech & Chong growing up. Those Cheech & Chong records I'd play over and over and over and over. That's what I was going for, having little sketches as links. I know people nowadays don't listen to records from front to back or at least the younger generation doesn't but I do and I love records that have a cohesiveness and I feel like this does. That was a thing I was also going for. I wanted it to feel like I knew what I was doing. 

Me: You have such a cool career, Brian, doing stand-up, writing Deadpool comics, being on "The Mandalorian." How did this happen? Did you ever expect your career to be the way it is? 

Brian: No, it happened organically. I got to give Scott credit because becoming friends with him. We became friends at the end of the 90s right after I worked on "Mr. Show" it happened because Scott was a "Mr. Show" fan and his roadie recognized me at an Anthrax show. I was alone because my close stand-up friends at that time weren't really metal heads. Now I have friends like that who will go to shows with me. Twenty years ago Patton Oswald was not going to go with me to see Anthrax at the House of Blues. It wasn't going to happen so I went solo, made friends with those guys, and just through him I met everybody else. I can't give him all the credit, a lot of the bands I'd see on the road too. I'd be like in Florida and people would show up and say, "Hey, man, you're hilarious." And I'd be like, "Really? You know who I am?" It happened from these guys recognizing me as a fan because I did talk about Slayer. I did Slayer jokes about 15 years ago that was pro-Slayer. Some of their fans don't completely understand it but the fact I was clear... Even on my first Comedy Central special I had my notebook with all those metal bands. That wasn't an intentional thing, I didn't go up and go, "Hey, I want to meet bands." But that's partly what did it. Me just being out there and them going, "That guy likes what I do too." 

Me: I like it that you wear different bands' t-shirts, Brian. I recently interviewed Lisa Loeb and we talked about that, how she wore a Police shirt and someone mentioned it and she said she was at the concert, she wasn't just wearing the shirt to be hip. I told her at Disney World where I work I a few years ago I saw this girl wearing a Ramones shirt and I asked her jokingly if she ever saw them live and she didn't know they were a real band. My friend Rich also mentioned to one Disney Guest who was wearing a Kiss t-shirt and she said she just liked the picture or something. She was surprised to know Rich knew all their names. You actually wear the band shirts because you're a fan, right? 

Brian: My wife could contest to that. It's something I ranted about for years. The first time I saw Drew Barrymore wearing a Motley Crue shirt, being though it was Motley I was still "nope." I just didn't buy it. Then going into stores with her like Nordstrom and seeing a ripped up Metallica shirt I freak out and I do selfies of me flipping off the shirt. She could contest that's been a thing. 

Me: I do think that this actress, whoever she is looks good wearing a Foghat t-shirt. 

Me: Is that where "More Metal Than You" came from? 

Brian: Yeah, we always judge each other, we always judge other metal heads. We're welcoming and we're like a brotherhood, but we're almost shitty to each other like "what's the heaviest band you're in to?" Or "when did you get into Metallica?" Even going back to the 80s I had a friend who stopped liking Metallica on the second record. He said they were like posers. I was like dude, this stuff is just building. How was he drawing the line in the sand with that band who was changing everything at that time. I think the second record was heavier than the first one, it was produced better. I remember that guy saying, "Those guys are posers." And I said, "You're outta your mind." 

Me: When you were a kid what did you want to do as a career? 

Brian: When I started stand-up I remember seeing as a kid character actors on sitcoms that weren't the lead but would come out, like the guy named Monroe who would come out on a show I cannot remember the name of the show. 

Me: "Too Close for Comfort." 

Brian: Yeah, that was it. Like that kind of show or the guy who owned the pizza place on "Happy Days" who had a couple of lines but would say funny stuff and get big laughs. I remember seeing those guys and going I want to do that. My sights were low as a kid like I never went, "Hey, I want to be Richie Cunningham." I want to be the guy who walks in and says the jokes that are funnier than Richie Cunningham. That was the first thing like that but I never thought hey, I'm going to do that. I just thought that was a cool thing. Then when I started comedy my sights were pretty low with that too. When I feet started out I was like, "Oh, I could do this." And I thought maybe I could be like at that time like Pauly Shore, I'm his age. I thought if I could do that, get on MTV and be the long haired guy that tells metal jokes, because that's the kind of stuff I was doing when I started, but then I lost my hair. That ruined everything and then I fell into all these things. 

Me: You did sitcom's, Brian. How did that happen? 

Brian: With the sitcom stuff it came from me moving to L.A. and the first time I was on stage in L.A. a casting director saw me and had me come in the next day for a show and I got a part. Shit like that doesn't happen to everybody. That's nothing I could plan either. I never said, "I'm going to go down and start getting on sitcoms." But that's what happened. I was in L.A. in the 90s and immediately while I was working on stuff like "Mr. Show" I was still going out on auditions and ending up on "Friends" and shit like that. 

Me: Was it easy getting on shows then? 

Brian: A lot of it was through friends, not the show "Friends" but most if the stuff came from fellow writers going, "Hey, you know who could do this?" Even "The Mandalorian" recently that came from an editor who worked with me on the Sarah Silverman program. They knew Jon Favreau, there's this small part but they wanted it to be somewhat recognizable but also someone who is going to want to do a small part in a Star Wars thing. Get Brian Posehn. That's how I got "The Big Bang Theory," that's how I got "Just Shoot Me." Very few of those shows I never even auditioned for. It's just a writer going, "Brian Posehn does this thing where he screams. He'll scream in your face so get him for 'Just Shoot Me.'" That's how that happened. 

Me: You are so fucking lucky. Brian, thanks for being on the Phile. I wanted you on the Phile for a long time. Please come back again. 

Brian: Of course, Jason, thanks for having me. See ya around, man.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Brian Posehn. The Phile will be back on Friday with Beverly Glenn-Copeland. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Kiss your brain.

Give me some rope, tie me to dream, give me the hope to run out of steam, somebody said it could be here. We could be roped up, tied up, dead in a year. I can't count the reasons I should stay. One by one they all just fade away...