Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Monday, how are you? On January 2nd, the last time the Phile was updated, the new decade was going fairly well, all things considered... or so I thought. Then Australia appeared to be on fire and on the third World War III was practically announced. Boy, that escalated quickly. When she's not busy trying to save the planet from impending doom, teen climate activist Greta Thunberg is well on her way to becoming your new favorite Twitter comedian. When not dunking on the U.S. President, the 17-year-old Swedish activist has become internationally renowned for her work to fight climate change, including recently speaking at the U.N. But though she's becoming a household name across the globe, apparently some households have yet to get the memo. Specifically, the household of British actress Amanda Henderson. Henderson recently appeared on the game show "Celebrity Mastermind," where she was asked this question, “The 2019 book entitled No-one Is Too Small To Make A Difference is a collection of speeches made by a Swedish climate change activist. What is her name?” Most of us immediately think of Greta Thunberg when we hear the words "Swedish climate change activist," or even just the word "Swedish." Sorry, IKEA! She's just that iconic. But the "Casualty" star must not spend a lot of time on Twitter (or the Internet in general), because her response to the question was... "Sharon." No last name. Just, Sharon. The absurd moment of course went viral, and people on Twitter are declaring 2020 cancelled. That was fast. Amanda may want to continue to avoid Twitter for the foreseeable future, unless she's able to laugh at herself. Because that's what everyone else is doing. "Sharon" has reached meme status. But no one's reply has been better or funnier than the one from "Sharon" herself. In a classic Greta move, Thunberg changed her Twitter bio to "Sharon."
The viral moment is the gift that keeps on giving.
Timing is everything, and this was... not the time. WW, the Artist Formerly Known As Weight Watchers, was ready to capitalize on everyone's New Year's Resolutions to lose their holiday weight, and paid Twitter to feature their hashtag #thisismyWW. The timing was unfortunate, because another "WW" was on people's minds: World War. On Thursday, a U.S. drone strike assassinated Iranian general Qasem Soleimani, a drastic escalation of the conflict in the Middle East. Iran has vowed to enact "serious revenge," a serious threat that has millions of people fearing a World War III, and tweeting about it. This was the backdrop when the Weight Watchers marketing team rolled out their pre-scheduled promoted hashtag, and the side-by-side is objectively hilarious. People were burning calories by laughing at this unfortunate coincidence. Their thoughts and prayers go out to whoever runs WW/The Artist Formerly Known As Weight Watchers' social media. There are many grave consequences to war, impacting people devastating ways we can hardly imagine, starting with turning WW's campaign launch until a national joke.
Matt Stokes of Waterloo, Iowa, is currently engaged in a legal battle with the city’s animal control and the state Departments of Agriculture, which controls domestic animal regulations, and Natural Resources, which controls wildlife regulations. Stokes now, in an effort to reclaim his coyote, says the animal confiscated from his premises is a support animal who helped him to stay healthy over the past six months. Stokes’ relationship with the coyote began in April when he noticed a pack of the animals wandering near his land. One of them made a den in his old shed and shortly thereafter gave birth to a litter of pups. When the mother left with most of the pups, she left one behind. Rather than call the Iowa Department of Natural Resources Wildlife & Fisheries Bureau, Stokes began feeding the abandoned pup. Experts recommend the public always notify their wildlife bureau so sick or abandoned animals can be taken to licensed sanctuaries and rehabilitation facilities. Stokes quickly developed a friendship with the coyote pup, who he named Drifter. Before long, Stokes said he was taking better care of himself because of the animal. Stokes told his neighbors his new “pet” was a German shepherd, a move he now admits might have been a mistake. But meanwhile, he and the coyote were getting along famously. After about six months, Stokes received a call from the Waterloo Police informing him the coyote had been removed from his property. The animal was sent to the Wildthunder Wildlife & Animal Rehabilitation Sanctuary in Independence. As it turns out, it’s illegal to keep a coyote or most wildlife as a pet in Iowa. Several neighbors found the coyote wandering through the neighborhood while Stokes was away. Stokes is now attempting to regain custody of Drifter. The wildlife sanctuary says its goal is to ultimately reintroduce the coyote to the wild and if not possible to give it as close to a life in the wild as they can. The sanctuary also noted it’s dangerous for coyotes to run through neighborhoods where household pets and small children can be seen as prey. In an effort to reclaim the animal categorized as wildlife by state laws, Stokes obtained a doctor’s note certifying Drifter is an “emotional support animal that helps with depression and anxiety.” He also plans on receiving permission from the Iowa Department of Agriculture to “house a dangerous animal” with the help of an attorney. Animals in most states are categorized as pets including exotic ones, farm or wildlife. Who can own each type of animal, what animals can be called pets and where the animals can live is determined by state laws. For example, a person can’t start a dairy farm in the middle of a suburban neighborhood and a person can’t call a cougar a house cat. Wildlife in most states can only be housed in sanctuaries and rehabilitation centers. Stokes believes bringing Drifter back to him would help both parties. It will ultimately be left to the courts to decide where Drifter spends the rest of his life.
How was your New Year’s Eve? “And, you know, there’s a hot tub there and there are crazies in the hot tub.” This was the hot take made by a family man in the throes of his X-Rated New Year’s Eve surprise. The man discovered a massive sex party would be sharing the hotel with him and his family, Sacramento local news KTXL reported. The father of four, who maintained a commitment to anonymity, made a reservation at the DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel, in Sacramento, California for his family during the New Year’s holiday. The family had plans to attend a New Year’s Eve event in the city. My bet is it was wholesome. Before their stay, however, the father discovered that Allures... a swinger’s club and event organizer based in Sacramento... had already booked much of that same DoubleTree for what was dubbed a New Year’s Eve “sex-abration.” We’re talking a dungeon in the grand ballroom. The father maintains he has “no problem with what people do,” as he told KTXL. His beef is primarily with the hotel for not informing other guests. He also told KTXL he still has not received any refund from the DoubleTree by Hilton. A spokesperson for the hotel made the following statement, “There is a private event that has been booked for New Year’s Eve. We take the comfort and privacy of all of our guests very seriously.” “As with any large event the utmost care is taken to assure there is no disruption to other guests, including additional security.” “With that being said we understand if a guest feels they would like to cancel their reservation and will, of course, accommodate them to the best of our ability.”
There is little doubt that Zack Snyder's lengthy director's cut of Justice League is just a few steps from being released. However, it looks like the Snyder Cut isn't the only thing that people are wanting to see. A new petition is calling for the official J.J. Abrams cut of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, which is expected to be more extensive than the theatrical cut released by Disney. The petition points out that Abrams actually came up with a cut of The Rise of Skywalker that was more than three hours long and presented it to Disney executives. However, the director was reportedly forced to cut out several scenes, leading to a tangled version that didn't really explain key elements of the film. Interestingly, it is even stated that Abrams had wanted to split Episode IX into two different films so everything could be fully explained. Unfortunately, this didn't happen as the Disney, the greatest company to work for ever, allegedly "blindsided" Abrams with the final theatrical cut. So what can fans expect in the Abrams Cut (are we going to start calling it that now?) of The Rise of Skywalker? The petition lists the following: "More LGBTQ representation, force ghosts, more insight in Rey and Kylo’s emotional struggle including a stellar performance by Adam Driver, more nods to other franchise movies, expanded context on crucial scenes such as Han Solo’s visit to Kylo as well as Rey killing Kylo/ healing Rey, justified knights of Ren, Force-sensitive Finn, and a much more satisfying and mind-blowing ending," the petition reads. For now, we're not sure if Disney will consider releasing the Abrams Cut of Episode IX. However, if you're interested in signing the petition, you can do so here: change.org/p/walt-disney-make-disney-release-jj-abram-s-3-hour-cut-of-rise-of-skywalker. But finish this entry of the Phile first... I mean Elton John is on the Phile today for crying out loud! Elton John!!!
So, instead of doing this blog I thought I should be listening to this record...
Maybe not. At the top of the Phile I mentioned the fires in Australia... I wanted to show you how bad this is. In comparison this is it...
And...
You get it, right? Man, that's crazy. So, I rarely make mistakes on the Phile... hahahahaha. Journalists are known to make mistakes. Here's another cringe-inducing journalistic nightmare of the 2010s for you to laugh at before we make a whole lot more in the 2020s.
If I had a TARDIS I would like to hang out with Rod Stewart and Elton John but they'll be some other baldish guy sitting with them...
They look so serious, don't they? Hey, future kids, this is Barack Obama...
Hahaha. Ever noticed the Chicago Bull symbol looks like a robot reading book when turned upside down?
You're welcome. So, 2019 was quite a year. There were many ups and downs, but one thing we can all agree on is that the memes were lit. Tons of memes made us laugh this year, but a select few went crazy viral. "Baby Yoda" memes are all over social media right now, like this one...
If you're thinking of cheating on your loved one you might wanna think twice after seeing this...
Oh, man. You know Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters is a great guitar player, right? Did you know he also plays a giant slug? No? I'll show you...
Told you. Haha. Now fro the home office in Port Jefferson, New York here is...
Top Phive Of The Worst Slangs That Became Popular In The Last Decade
5. All the feels
4. Is everything
3. Amazeballs
2. I did a thing
And the number one worst slang that became popular last decade is...
1. Totes
If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, so, a friend of the Phile wanted to say something important that I think might be good. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. You know what time it is...
Good morning, humans. Just to clear things up... several of my Left leaning friends have been posting about how “any Trump supporters who want to Make America Great Again should go to their nearest armed services recruiting station and sign up for active duty.” First: if I wasn’t too old to jump in and give my life to protect this great nation, I would be there in a heartbeat. Second: chances are you would never have the nerve, courage or intestinal fortitude to do anything other than whine about what’s wrong with this country on social media. Thirdly: when you’ve stood over the flag draped coffin of a loved one then and only then can you preach to me about sacrifice in the name of patriotism. Lastly: you can go screw yourselves.
Time map
An octopus walks into a bar and sees a band playing in the corner, composed of those bar-room heroes, the Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman. He walks up and says, “I’m the best musician in the world. I can play any instrument you like." So the English guy goes, “Alright then. Play this” and hands him a guitar. The octopus plays it better than Jimi Hendrix, better than Chuck Berry, better than anyone and hands him back the guitar. The Irishman says, “Okay, how about this?” and shows him to the piano. The octopus sits down and plays it like never before... Better than Jerry Lee Lewis and Elton John. The best pianist ever. Finally, the Scotsman says, “Alright, let’s see ya play this then” and hands him a set of bagpipes. The octopus looks at them and fumbles with it. Couple more minutes and he’s still struggling and there’s no sound coming out. Couple more minutes and still nothing so the Scotsman says, “Oh, so can you not play it then?” And the octopus says, “Play it? I’m gonna fuck her when I get her pajamas off.”
Phact 1. "Martin Luther King Jr." is engraved over the Great West Door of Westminster Abbey along with nine other "20th Century Martyrs."
Phact 2. Carbon nanotubes were used in a Damascus steel sword from the 17th century. It is thought that the nanotubes along with nanowires give the legendary steel its strength.
Phact 3. There is an annual marathon in Wales which pits human runners against horses. And humans have won twice in the last 10 years.
Phact 4. NASA Vehicle Assembly building’s interior volume is so vast that it has its own weather, with “rain clouds forming below the ceiling on very humid days.”
Phact 5. In 2013, a U.K. man named Wesley Carrington unearthed a hoard of Roman gold coins worth $156,000 within 20 minutes of his first time using a metal detector.
This is so bloody cool. Today's pheatured guest is is an English singer, songwriter, pianist, and composer. He has sold more than 300 million records, making him one of the world's best-selling music artists. His book, Me, is the 111th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club. Please welcome to the Phile the one and only... Elton John!
Me: Holy shit, welcome to the Phile, sir. I cannot believe you are here on the Phile. How are you?
Elton: I'm just little ole me, Jason.
Me: Sir, you're a larger than life music icon that has sold 300 million records worldwide and you hold the title for the biggest-selling single of all time... "Candle in the Wind." Trust me this is a pretty big deal to have you on my stupid little blog.
Elton: Well, thank you very much for taking the time to interview me.
Me: So, back in May 2108 I had Bernie Taupin on the Phile and this was something that Bernie said in that interview... "Obviously I write something I have a preconceived idea of where I think it should go because I have a melodic idea in my head. I write and record on a guitar so it gives me a sense of melody, rhythmic feel, so I sort of go with what I've got when I'm writing it but once it gets in his hands it could totally go a 360 and go somewhere else. For the most part it's better than what I imagined..." What do you think of his reply?
Elton: I get asked this question a lot, does Bernie argue or said he didn't like something.that I had written to his lyric? The answer to that is no, he never said anything.Though he must of felt sometimes as he says in that quote he has an idea of what the melody might be and obviously I have no idea what his melody is but I go awry with mine. But to his credit, no, he never actually said, "No, I don't like that." It was very kind of him to say that. Obviously there's going to be times that when I'm writing to his lyrics he is much more musical than when he started out writing at the very first in 1967. He's much more sophisticated now so that probably comes as a big of a shock. It worked out well, he never said anything that he didn't like anything. He's never been sulky or suggested he didn't like anything. So in that 50 plus years of writing that's an amazing thing to happen and that's why we lasted a long time. That's why our relationship flourishes, that's why we love each other.
Me: What is it about that relationship that keeps you coming back?
Elton: I think it's the fact that we don't see each other a lot. I did an album called "Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy" which of course he came up with the title. I was Captain Fantastic and he became the Brown Dirt Cowboy. That's very, very perceptive of him to think of that. He lives in California most of the time and I live in England most of the time, so we don't see each other very often, but I can honestly say that in the last three or four years, we've gotten closer and closer because of his family, and my family, and the children. You know, we're in a wonderful, contented place.
Me: That's great. So, what did he think of Rocketman, the film?
Elton: He was extremely happy with the film, I think, because in the film, he's portrayed by Jamie Bell and his character comes across as the glue that holds my life together... and that's the way it's been. He was the constant. Life changed... people came, people went, but Bernie was always there. Bernie was always there for me without judging me.
Me: I asked Bernie what song does he think is the perfect example of that magic which is between you two relationship. Before I tell you what he said what do you think it is?
Elton: Um, "We All Fall In Love Sometimes" from "Captain Fantastic" is my choice.
Me: I love that song. His answers were "Your Song" and "Sacrifice." What do you think?
Elton: Pretty good. I think those were the right answers... all three of them.
Me: Your book Me, is the 111th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club and I love that book, which I just got for Christmas. You wrote in the book that when Bernie gave you the song "White Lady, White Powder" you knew deep down that song was written about you. What was that experience like?
Elton: I was so out of it I just wrote the song. It was just another song for me. I knew it was about me but I still didn't have the temerity to own up to it. That's how much of denial I was in. I thought it was about Cher. Ha ha ha. I blamed it on her.
Me: When cocaine came into your life you were on the way on becoming the biggest star in the world. In the book you talk openly about the sex, drugs and partying. Have you always been that open?
Elton: I've always tried to be honest. I think the film was honest, although it is a fantasy based on the truth.
Me: So, what made you decide to write a book now after all these years?
Elton: The book, I was writing for my children because I wanted them, when they were old enough, to read it to know what my life was like and the truth. I didn't want to write a salacious book and run people into the ground but I had to talk openly on the relationship with my mother towards the end because it wasn't a very good relationship. It was like oil and water. She'd done interviews with the press and I hadn't answered those, I just wanted to put the record straight. Wish my relationship was better, but I just wanted to put down on paper that my life had been like.
Me: When you wrote the book how did it feel?
Elton: It was quite cathartic really after it was done and put together. It made me realise there was a lot I could've said, a lot more that I could've put in the book but it's 360 pages anyway.
Me: This is a stupid question but when you look back at your life now what do you think?
Elton: It's been a rollercoaster life, but what a life I've had. I mean, I've had the most incredible life, met the most incredible people, survived so many things because of my determination and my talent, probably. But I don't lie down and die. Although I nearly died before I asked for help with the addiction. That was a crossroads for my life obviously. If I hadn't done that I wouldn't have written the book, I wouldn't be here so that was a big turning point in my life, it was an epiphany in my life. When I suddenly got sober and decided to live another life completely then stuff happened to me that was still bad, but I could cope with it much better and I didn't have to run away from it.
Me: So, looking back at it now why do you think you became a drug addict back then?
Elton: The reason I became a drug addict is because I didn't know how to deal with life on life's terms. I was on stage, I got applause and I felt safe on stage. When I came off stage, I was stuck with "me". And "me" didn't know how to cope with every day stuff. I was immature. When I got sober, I started trying to become an adult instead of a child.
Me: What do you think that it is about performing where you can feel different on stage?
Elton: I think it's the approval I was seeking as a child. As a child, I got approval and love when I sang at family gatherings or weddings, and I felt safe and happy. Then I came off stage and, again, I had to deal with what was going on in my life. I had to do a lot of work on myself and I did a lot of work on myself when I got sober and then it became I had to go back through my life piece by piece.
Me: I had a great childhood, so great I wish I could relive it. What do you think about your childhood? I am guessing you wouldn't want to relive it again.
Elton: Our childhood affects you so much as we grow older. It's the template of how we live our life's. But not everyone had a bad childhood. People like you had great childhoods. David, my husband, had a wonderful childhood. But my childhood was in a different era, it was in the '50s. Very conservative. People didn't talk about anything, not sex, they didn't show each other affection. Things were very secretive. I grew up in that time where children weren't allowed to say anything, they were seen, not heard. It was a different era. I've come to terms with that that I grew up in an era which I loved because there were so many things being invented. Television, washing machines, things like that. It was every week there was something new but actually the actual dogma of life of a family we didn't talk about things we didn't talk about sex, we gossiped about our neighbours, when a girl got pregnant she got sent away.
Me: Did you like that kinda environment?
Elton: I didn't like that very much. It was a fearful environment that I grew up in, but it was the environment I had to grow up in. I go back and you think, well, that's why I became who I am... because I was frightened of everything. Fear was ruining my life. I'm 72 now and I've come to the happiest point of my life where nothing is wrong, but it took me 72 years to be able to say this. I've done a lot of work on myself and I love my life. I've loved it, even the bad parts. If you use the bad parts to get to the good parts, then you're doing something good.
Me: Do you ever think your kids are having such a different life than the one you grew up in?
Elton: Well, when I became a dad, and we gave great thought about being a dad, we just the biggest responsibility in life is raising children, there's no question about it. If I can leave this earth having raised my children well and they're happy, that's the greatest thing you can achieve. Forget my work. Forget my talent or anything.
Me: So, for you what is the greatest thing for you?
Elton: The greatest thing for me when I leave this earth is... did I give my kids a good life? Did I treat them well? I was determined I wasn't going to hit them, I was determined I wasn't going to shout at them, but they were going to be disciplined.
Me: How so?
Elton: They were going to be disciplined, but they were going to be disciplined in a way where we talked about things. I don't want them to live any of their life in fear and they don't. They're amazing children. We have a wonderful relationship with them and, you know, my whole life was built on eggshells. That is a horrible thing for a child to grow up in. And I'm not blaming anyone for it, it was the way it was. But those eggshells made me more determined than ever to make something of myself.
Me: So, I have to tell you this... when you were a kid named Reginald Dwight, I think you must've been about 8 or 9-years-old, you and my dad were in a talent contest together somewhere in London. My dad always told the story that he came in first, beating you and you came in third. What do you have to say?
Elton: Congratulations to your dad. Did he become a musician?
Me: Yeah, he was in Savoy Brown and then the lead singer in Foghat. He passed away in 2000 from cancer.
Elton: I loved Savoy Brown, not too familiar with Foghat, but no wonder you had a good childhood.
Me: Yeah. So, in your final tour you open with "Benny and the Jets" and the last song you play in the shows is "Goodbye Yellow Brock Road." At one point whenever the tour ends you will sing that song for the last time. Why that one?
Elton: The title of the tour is "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road." I'm saying goodbye to the yellow brick road. I'm going back to my plow... my plow being my house. I go up on the elevator and I walk into the screen and it's the most appropriate song to close with.
Me: So, in December 2018 for my Christmas entry I interviewed Rod Stewart and I asked him about you and he said, "Yeah, friendemies. We're still at it now, I'm probably going to get in touch with him and see how this new album does. He's in his 300 date retirement tour which I smirked at. I thought it was robbing the public, I thought it was a big cheap so I'm not in his good books at the moment. I love him dearly though, he's a good pal." Then I asked him, "How did that start with you two having fun with each other in the press?" And he said, "Do you know I don't really know. We were both discovered by once again Long John Baldry. Long John gave us our names. I'm Phylis and Elton is Sharon." What do you think of that?
Elton: Rod is in the book a lot. He's been one of my big friends throughout my career, We've both became successful at the same time. Actually he became more successful quicker. We've always played tricks on each other and he's very, very funny. He's got the best sense of humour, we had so many hilarious times together. We went on safari together, we went to Rio Carnaval. He's just one of these people that when we get together and we haven't seen each other in a long time we just laugh and laugh. We're just lethal to each other, he's horrible to me and I'm horrible to him.
Me: Elton, it was so great to have you here. Thanks again, and thanks for all the great music. I hope to have you back on the Phile again one day. Take care.
Elton: All right, thanks, Jason.
There, that about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Laird Jim and of course Elton John. He was more serious than I thought he'd be. The Phile will be back on Thursday with musician Chilly Gonzales. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon
No comments:
Post a Comment