Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for Monday... not just any Monday, it's Cyber Monday, also known as the day everyone shops online instead of doing any actual work. How are you? I hope shopping on Cyber Monday doesn't take too much time away from your regular schedule of wasting the day on the Internet. Unless it's reading the Phile. Cyber Monday is like Black Friday, but no one wants to hurt you.
Thanks to the eternally burning dumpster fire that is the American news cycle in 2018, you'd think news networks would be up to their elbows in important stories. Well, many of them are. Fox News, though, is another story. This weekend, amid riots in Paris, lies and political scandals at Facebook, and horrific gun violence in America, Fox News decided to... ahem... hold a four-person panel on Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's worn out sneakers! And Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez clapped back in Spanish, so now Fox News will never know what she said. Before we get to her epic clapback, though, let's take a look at Fox News' ridiculous panel on her sneaks...
Can you believe Fox News went to the trouble of scrounging up three entire women for this?! Word of the panel got back to AOC, and she tweeted this...
It says, "It's not love, what you're feeling is called obsession," and it's from the song "Obsession" by Aventura. She also was kind enough to provide an anglophone version...
Yeah, Fox, why you so obsessed with her? At least it's somewhat entertaining for the rest of us.
If you haven't already spit out your coffee in rage today, I have the perfect opportunity for you! Tomi Lahren, aka the embodiment of every white woman who sings the N-word along with rap music but supports #BlueLivesMatter, has done it again. And by "it" I mean she's written words on Twitter that reveal her to be either incredibly dense or incredibly soulless. My bets are on soulless because I truly think she's calculated and knows what she's doing with her whole millennial Eva Braun vibe. In case you missed it, during the past few days U.S. forces have launched teargas at peaceful asylum seekers, including tiny children and their mothers. To many of us with hearts that still regularly palpate, teargassing refugee babies is a vile and inhumane act that only confirms the current administration's fascism. However, for Termi Looren (I refuse to type her full name out more than necessary), watching babies sprayed with poison made for a great Thanksgiving, and she brazenly decided to tell Twitter this.
If we're being honest, large sections of Twitter don't need reasons to drag Termi, many of us are perpetually dragging her in our hearts. But her latest vile statement ushered in a whole new chorus of "WTF." Even for Termi, this level of callous inhumanity is shocking and disgusting. Termi is truly a heartless white supremacist, and Twitter is truly a place where those types of people feel emboldened to share their views. Luckily, the rest of us feel emboldened to call out just how despicable those world views are.
Rita Ora, who plays Christian Grey's sister in the Fifty Shades movies and also has a music career apparently, had a Thanksgiving morning even more awkward than a conversation with your uncle Tony. Ora and her puffy jacket were featured on a float at the 3-hour NBC commercial known as the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, and she accidentally had an Ashlee Simpson-level lip sync SNAFU. The "singer" was promptly roasted on Twitter, because the schadenfreude was just too fun. John Legend, ever the mensch, came to Ora's defense by spilling tea about the parade. According to Legend, all artists have to lip sync on the parade because of technical difficulties, but rest assured, his vocals at concerts are live, baby, LIVE!
Wait. So Barenaked Ladies lip synced too?
James Comey, aka Witness #1 to President Trump's obstruction of justice, got a nice Thanksgiving treat from the House Republicans making the most of their lame duck session before Democrats take over committees and actually conduct oversight. The former FBI director tweeted that he was gifted with a subpoena, and that he'll insist on any testimony being public in the interest of transparency. House Judiciary Chairman Rep. Bob Goodlatte (R-Virginia, not a Starbucks drink) subpoenaed Comey as part of an investigation into FBI decisions during the 2016 election, such as Comey's infamous letter about emails that likely cost Hillary the presidency. He also subpoenaed former Attorney General Loretta Lynch. In honor of Cyber Monday, House Republicans are having a last call, "everything must go!" subpoena party. It doesn't seem desperate at all as Special Counsel Robert Mueller closes in.
Did you ever make an instant bestie on vacation as a kid, never to see them again? That was the case with two women who met on a cruise in 2006. But thanks to the wonders of the Internet... specifically Twitter... they've now gotten back in contact. It all started when the first girl, Bri, posted this tweet...
Overnight, Bri says, the tweet went from nine retweets to thousands. She joked that if Twitter could find her a husband, too, that would be great. Incredibly, it took less than a day for Bri's former cruise bestie to pop up. And everyone freaked out. Bri was super excited. And Heii noted that she hasn't checked Twitter in "years" but on this day, she luckily did. She also confirmed she and Bri are now officially pals again. Everyone agreed that when it isn't a raging garbage fire, Twitter can be pretty cool.
So, instead of doing this blog thing I should be listening to this album...
Ummm... maybe not. Actually, it might be good. Do you like dogs? I love dogs myself. But some dogs could be jerks.
I think he's saying, ""I hate you, Ken!!" Haha. If I had a TARDIS I would go back in time to Brooklyn in 1931 but and go to a restaurant. But knowing my luck I'd see Mafia Boss Joe Masseria laying dead on the restaurant floor...
You know what makes me laugh? Old people wearing inappropriate t-shirts.
Hahaha. Photoshop is a big thing but sometimes things look photoshopped but are not. Like this...
This is a real nature scene with an error message from a computerized billboard in the background. Crazy, right? Okay, so Marvel said the next Avengers movie's title is something that was said in a previous MCU film. I think I know what it is...
Makes sense, right? So, is your kid as clever as this kid in school?
Hahahaha. One of the best things about the Internet is you can see porn freely and cheap. But if you're at work or school you might get in trouble. So, I came up with a solution...
You're welcome. Now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...
Top Phive Pheatures In The AOL Car
5. The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.
4. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.
3. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.
2. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.
And the number one pheature about the AOL car...
1. AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model.
Hmmmm... if you spot the Mindphuck let me know. It's not the best one. That top phive list was pretty lame as well I think. An AOL car? Ha! Alright, so, not long ago I had a sex therapist come on the Phile and give some "advice." I think it's advice. Anyway, she was pretty popular so I thought I'd invite her back again. So, please welcome back to the Phile...
Me: Hello, professor, welcome back to the Phile. How are you?
Liz: I'm good, Jason.
Me: Great. So, what do you have to tell us today?
Liz: Well, I want to teach you something about history.
Me: Oh, cool.
Liz: You know the help had to enter through the back door in thew day when Dr. Martin Luther King Junior fought so ya'll could enter through the front.
Me: Huh? What are you talking about?
Liz: I'm saying stay out if the back of the bus and park your you know what up front.
Me: Professor, I have no idea what you're talking about.
Liz: Jason, I'm teaching history and turning anal into a civil rights issue. Duh.
Me: Oh, man, professor, this is not what the civil rights struggle was about.
Liz: Oh. Well, have a nice day.
Me: You too. Professor Liz Chickasaw, kids.
According to multiple studies, happiness is thought to be influenced by a combination of 10% life circumstances, 50% genetics, and 40% attitude.
Another day under Trump, another reason to scream loudly into the abyss in hopes that his body will crumble into a pile of dust. Somehow, Trump always senses when the screaming gets tiresome and manages to tweet something bonkers so we can all drag him for filth.
While making fun of the president on Twitter doesn't feel as good as impeachment or total revolution, it's an action presently available at our fingertips that temporarily provides catharsis against walls of hopelessness, so I'll take it.
In the latest installment of Trump Getting Roasted, the commander-in-chief decided to both thank himself in the third person, and give himself a nickname all in the same tweet.
While praising the falling price of oil, Trump thanked himself while dubbing his new nickname "President T" which makes him sound like a character on an after school special.
Needless to say, this opened up the door for many jokes. Of course, you can't call yourself anything "T" without people bringing up Mr. T, it's the law. People were largely disturbed by Trump's failed attempt to humanize himself in such an awkward way.
Of course, there are also jokes suggesting Trump is hoping a new nickname will divorce his image from his reality. Given the Internet's emotionally charged responses, I have a feeling the nickname "President T" may stick but not in the way he hoped.
The 90th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...
The great William Shatner will be the guest on the Phile on Thursday.
Phact 1. In addition to the gladiatorial battles on land, massive naval battles were held in giant pits of water. The first known instance of such battles, collectively known as Naumachia, was given by Julius Caesar and consisted of 2000 combatants and 4000 rowers, all prisoners of war.
Phact 2. Ethiopia’s calendar is seven years behind the rest of the world. In 2007, the country celebrated the new millennium as they changed their calendars from 1999 to 2000.
Phact 3. Jorah Mormont is often referred to as “Jorah the Andal” despite the fact that House Mormont is a house from northern Westeros meaning they are descended from the First Men, not the Andals.
Phact 4. While playing cricket for Australia, David Boon is said to have consumed fifty-two cans of beer on a flight from Sydney to London in 1989.
Phact 5. In 1954, economist Armen Alchian was able to figure out what the secret fuel was for the newly developed hydrogen bomb just by looking at the share prices of chemical suppliers on the stock market.
Today's pheatured guest is the lead singer of the hard rock act BulletBoys whose latest album
"From Out of the Skies" is available on Amazon, iTunes and Spotify. Please welcome to the Phile... Marq Torien.
Me: Hey, Marq, welcome to the Phile. How are you doing?
Marq: Pretty cool. You?
Me: Not bad. How long have you been singing, Marq? Pretty much all your life, right?
Marq: Yeah, since I was 7-years-old. I come from a musical family so it's pretty much in my blood. It's kinda like a mini Jackson story, our family had our little thing growing up in Montebello and that's where I started basically. I come from a very strict show time people, we always had to be on our game when it came to our talent. My parents taught me a lot about performance and especially about professionalism.
Me: You guys came along in the 80s when there are so many bands like you guys. What made your band different, Marq?
Marq: Well, other guys don't take it as seriously as I do. I'm a performer and pretty much in that old school R&B and rock singer, so my performances are a little different. It's very difficult for me, I'm not saying this in a derogatory way because everybody works diligently hard. When I go to a show I want to be moved and see the artist being that artist, being that representative of themselves instead of just standing there being the mic. If you're Liam from Oasis it works. He's full pf piss and vinegar and it's that sullen, British, tallied, magical guy that can stand there and do that. It's very few and far between. We lost a lot of talent that a actually was that... Michael Jackson, Chris Cornell, Chad Bennington, Dio, the amazing and magical David Bowie, that were performers. I'm not trying to put myself in that class but I'm a performer and entertainer.
Me: I got to interview Liam and he was very outspoken and fun. So, where did your find you voice when you learnt you can sing?
Marq: That's a great question, thank you for asking that. I don't think it's something that I found, I think it's something that found me. I am a man of faith, I am a not a man of religious and I believe in God and I really believe he blessed me with this talent. All of us are blessed with some sort of talent, even if you don't know you have talent, but are are all magical in our own ways.
Me: So, what kinda songs did you start singing as a kid?
Marq: When I started singing I was singing folk songs. Carole King songs, Stevie Wonder, Creedance Clearwater Revival, Steve Marriott, cats like that.
Me: What kinda music did your parents listen to and play?
Marq: My father is a jazz trombonist and he was in a huge jazz band back in the day and he unknowingly turned me onto a lot of jazz, a lot of Latino percussion stuff. He also listened to Eric Clapton, and Cream, he listened to Iron Butterfly. My mother listened to a lot of musical theater and my parents performed in musical theater. They were also backing bands for local musical theater performances. All that music stuff is in my mind, thrown in a blender, so I pull out things from different musicalities.
Me: Okay, let's talk about you new album "From Out of the Skies." I love the song "Losing End Again," Marq. That song is a great acoustic song with some very unique percussion on it. How did you come up with that?
Marq: Thanks. I wanted to create a loop in song and I didn't want it to be a manufactured loop with modern technology. What I did was I went and played all the old percussion instruments that you would hear on Sérgio Mendes in 1966. I was looking for a lot of eclectic music for this record, I pulled from there to try and create it. I used different things that could create a different sound that wasn't a sample of something but that was really real. That song when I listen to it I'm thinking wow, all these things are copasetic.
Me: I interviewed Kristy Majors from Pretty Boy Floyd a few months ago and I mentioned to him that their new album sounds just like an album of there's that would of came out in the 80s or 90s. He said they did that on purpose. Your new album doesn't sound that way, it sounds modern. Was that your intention, Marq?
Marq: I think I really dove down into a sound like that, a lot of rock and roll guys don't do that. With my musical background we wanted to step out and do something that was very risky. We will continue to do so. I want to quote C-Mac on this. After we had it mastered goes, "I just want to say this... this went from being like this record to like this huge U2 sounding record." Hahahaha. We were driving to a gig and we stopped and went "Chad?" He said, "I know it's profound." I love Chad with all my heart, he's my guy, we've been together now for eight years and he's extremely intelligent. He has a plethora of stories to tell 'cause he's a dictionary of music. He knows so much about bands and music and history. He stopped for a second and goes, "That was really completely outrageous." I was like no, no, no. It's the sound that we created which is a larger than life thing for this little band from So-Cal. He said, "We're playing with the big boys now." We all kinda went wow, because we were. The music is at a certain level where I don't think a lot of bands from our genre are good at expressing themselves in that way. It saddens me and really dumbfounds me also that there's so much talent from that era and they all seem to drift back to the sound that they had in the past created.
Me: So, why you think you are different or the band is different than other bands?
Marq: I learned so much from people that I've been around, and been blessed by in the music business. There's a thing called reinvention. Bands have to be able to reinvent themselves. Unless you have the best spaghetti sauce in the world and the best Italian restaurant then everyone's gonna eat spaghetti every night don't change a thing! But such in life it's not like that. To me I wish more artists would step out of their comfort zone and try to do something that was magically delicious.
Me: Before BulletBoys you were in a Motown band Kagney & the Dirty Rats, is that right?
Marq: Yes, I'm actually part of the Motown family.
Me: So, how did you have to choose between staying with Motown and doing R&B and going to the heavy rock scene?
Marq: Yeah, it was a hard thing to do because my heart was pulling me to R&B and funk and soul music, But my punk rock side, hard rock and metal side of me was pulling very hard because I saw these bands coming out of L.A. and I really thought myself and my best friend Lonnie Vencent were two guys that saw each others talent and wanted to do something at a really high level and no one would let us come around. They wouldn't let us in the parties, they scoured me and Lonnie when we showed up. "There's that stupid poor white guy." Believe me it's the truth, we heard it. We are ever-loving dudes but when it came down to it they were afraid of our talent. Lonnie didn't take any guff from anybody, he grew top surfing and skating and was a straight out bad ass. We were best friends and he revered my talent and told me I was gonna be one of the biggest stars ever with my voice. He said, "Drop the guitar and I guarantee you you'll be a big rock star." He was right. I have been singing and playing guitar for so many years, that's how I started in the back yard playing guitar. There was a fight and he said, "I don't want you to drop the guitar because you're an amazing guitar player but you have to. Me and you are gonna get to another place. You just gotta be this front man. Use that talent that you have, the charisma and we're gonna be fine." With is ability of never taking no for an answer from anybody and always asking why and never letting anybody get over what we were doing we were the guys that had that piss and vinegar because we were tired of being shit on and looked down and frowned upon. I spoke to him recently and he said this big rock star came up to him and apologized to him for doing that to us back in the day. Here we are way over thirty years later. He said, "Man, that's probably been eating him up all these years."
Me: So, how did BulletBoys start and get the name BulletBoys?
Marq: The BulletBoys started in Lonnie's garage and the reason we call ourselves BulletBoys was because there were three different gangs that we were around. They loved us, but they would always have shoot outs in the alleyways. These guys would go out at night and fool around with guns and shoot each other or whatever the fuck they were doing. One day Lonnie's brother, Michael Vencent, may he rest in peace, he came into the garage and he was holding these bullets in his hand. He was looking all weird and scared like. He said he picked them off the ground, and we were thinking we got termites and stuff but it was bullets. We were trying to think of a name for the band and this friend of ours who was kinda of an a-hole said, "Hey, man, you should call yourselves the BulletBoys. That'd be rad." Lonnie was like, "Dude, what did you say?" Lonnie was a tough guy and the guy said, "I didn't say anything, dude." Lonnie said, "No, what did you say, man?" He repeated it and Lonnie said, "You could be right, man." We went out that night, kicking back on the beach and I said, "I think we're the BulletBoys."
Me: When the band became big and "Smooth Up In Ya" became a hit single, how did you celebrate and learn you were a hit?
Marq: I think we found out we were successful when we sold out the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium in less than five minutes. We actually hold the record of one one of the quickest selling out of that venue. I think to me and Lonnie, and Jimmy and probably to Mick to, that venue is a very historical place to play. The mighty Van Halen played there, the Doors, you name it, any So-Cal band played there. So, when we played there that to me told me we were a success. We were like, wow, we are accepted by our home town. We sold that place out and it was so amazing. I can still see it in my head how the band was so on. We waited so long to be that band. For all intensive purposes, I will probably get a lot of slack for saying this but most of the bands we ended up opening for just couldn't meet our fire. We were so full of piss and vinegar we would break our equipment after each show we played that we know we won. Our thing was did we win or did we lose? We were very sports minded competitors and also we were drinking and using a lot back in the day. You didn't want to cross us because we'd start fighting you. You looked at us the wrong way and it was lit. That's how we gained the following. They couldn't believe that Mick was snapping real Les Paul's with his foot at the end of the show. Jimmy picked up his bass drum above his head and smashed it to the ground. I think we were like the Who, we wanted to be like the Who so bad.
Me: Okay, I have to ask you about Ted Templeman, Marq. He is known for producing Van Halen as you know. Did you guys ever say to Ted, "Make us sound like Van Halen?"
Marq: No, there was never that conversation. Ted wanted us just to be us and we had lot of similarities with Van Helen because we came from the streets, we came from packing the clubs and we went from there. We also had the similarities with me with the bleach blond hair running around like a bat outta control. Yes, there were some similarities but I think we were like the evil Van Halen.
Me: Okay, so, you guys had a song, "Rock Candy," on the Waynes World soundtrack. Did that help you guys at all? I'm sure it did.
Marq: It was a cover of a Montrose song so monetarily it didn't really do anything for us. I think it told us that we really should be doing soundtracks. I wish we did a lot more movie scores and soundtracks. I thought we were gonna get more involved in after we did that and it per quite came into fruition. Sammy Hager just loved it by the way. Ted Templeman played it for him, we weren't there when we played it for him of course but he told us Sammy loves us guys and loves what we did with this. We changed the song a little bit, we put a riff to it. We slowed it down, giving it a slower groove. We made it a little more sinister I thought.
Me: On the first album you did a cover of the "Celebrity Apprentice" theme song. Hahaha. How did you guys chose what covers to do?
Marq: I think it's relating to the great magical bands that came before us. The Stones, the Beatles, Van Halen, guys that a actually did covers in their own way and made it their song. It was my idea to do "For the Love of Money" as an homage to Motown. I just love the O'Jays with all my heart. They are just an amazing band and I got to see them when I was young. To be able to put that down in a rock format kudos to all of us for finding that groove and us actually working on it and thinking it will work. No one ever tried to attempt to do a thing like that, to do a R&B song in a rock format. Especially bands from that genre.
Me: On the single "D-Evil" you do a duet with Jesse Hughes. That guy is a prick about what he said about the March for Our Lives march. Anyway, what was it like working with him?
Marq: He came in and sang on that thing on the 13th hour and just really brought magical stuff to that song. He's actually a loving guy and kind.
Me: So, what's next for you?
Marq: Jesse and I just recorded for the movie Super Troopers 2, Bruce Springsteen's "Blinded By the Light." It's so rad. It sounds really cool and spooky. I feel really blessed, dude.
Me: Marq, thanks so much fore being on the Phile. I hope this was fun.
Marq: Yeah, Jason, and thanks for having me on your cool blog. It means everything to me, you have no idea. I'm sure a lot of people say that, but I wear my heart on my sleeve and really mean it.
Me: No worries. Please come back again soon. Take care.
That about does it for this entry of the Phile, Thanks to Marq for a good interview. The Phile will back on Thursday with William Shatner. I'm so excited. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker
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