Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. It's the Phile's 12th Anniversary today, or as I like to call it 12 Years of Phile. How are you doing? It's common knowledge that celebrities regularly deal in sums of money most of us don't see in a year. But even so, it's still jolting to hear about hundreds of thousands of dollars being casually laid out. On Saturday night, Brad Pitt bid $120,000 to watch "Game of Thrones" with the Mother of Dragons herself actress Emilia Clarke alongside her co-star Kit Harrington (the beloved Jon Snow). While his offer was certainly generous, Pitt was eventually outbid by a gala attendee who offered up $160,000 to watch an episode of "GoT" with the stars. The silent auction took place during Sean Penn's annual gala for Haiti, the proceeds of which benefit J/P HRO & Disaster Relief Organizations. The offers for a "GoT" viewing date with the two stars was kicked off at $20,000, and quickly escalated into six digits after the auctioneer riled up attendees by shouting, "Is the King of the North here?!" Beyond the transcendent presence of the Mother of Dragons and Jon Snow himself, the fundraiser guest list included several top billed names including Lena Dunham, Patricia Arquette, Jason Segel and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Actor Leonardo DiCaprio was honored for his climate change work and gave a short speech about the importance of staying vigilant despite the current administration. "The biggest challenge now is to make sure that everyone understands what’s at stake. But how can we do this when we have a president who, just this week, proposed a massive increase in offshore drilling?," DiCaprio lamented. While it's a definite bummer that Pitt wasn't able to fulfill his dream of watching "GoT" with the Mother of Dragons herself, it's comforting to know the funds went towards an important cause.
Last night, "New York Times" columnist Charles Blow pointed to a sweater being advertised on H&M's British website, a green hoodie emblazoned with the text "coolest monkey in the jungle." The choice of child model led Blow ask a reasonable question of H&M...
As pointed out by the Huffington Post, "the term 'monkey' has a long history as an ethnic slur." The reaction was outrage across the board, as most onlookers refused to believe the posting was an innocent, or ignorant, mistake. As Blow's tweet went viral, several tweeters pointed to other articles of clothing in the same category, noting that those sweatshirts all featured white child models. By this morning, H&M had removed the image and released a statement. Via CNN, "This image has now been removed from all H&M channels and we apologize to anyone this may have offended." The debacle is reminiscent of the backlash against Dove back in October, when the following ad went viral for similar reasons to H&M's.
Here's hoping we can keep all our sweaters and body wash racism-free in 2018.
Picking out the right Christmas gifts for in-laws can be a daunting task no matter what, even more so if they're royalty. However, Prince Harry's fiance Meghan Markle was fully up to the task during her first holiday with the royal family, and bought the Queen a gift so funny it left her temporarily in stitches. According to The Daily Star Online, The Royals observe their German ancestry by exchanging gifts each year. Since no family member is in want of serious presents, the tradition skews more towards humorous gifts. In keeping with the lighthearted theme, Markle gifted the Queen a singing hamster. "Meghan bought a little hamster that sings with a little rope for Her Majesty. It was so funny, especially when the corgis tried to take hold of the toy," an anonymous source told "The Daily Star." The source went on to say that the Queen was delighted by Markle's bold and absurd gift, but no one was quite as overjoyed as the royal corgis. "She laughed and said ‘they can keep my dogs company!,'" the source said. It looks like Markle is continuing to kill it when it comes to charming her soon-to-be Royal in-laws. The right singing hamster can go a long way.
During the Sunday morning episode of "State of the Union," CNN's Jake Tapper cut short a heated interview with White House adviser Stephen Miller, claiming the guest had been "wasting enough of our viewers’ time." While the interview was meant to address critical statements from former White House strategist Steve Bannon in Michael Wolff’s new book, "Fire and Fury," Miller spent several minutes slamming CNN's coverage instead of answering Tapper's questions. The interview's high note started when Miller deflected questions about Bannon's White House criticisms in "Fire and Fury," by claiming the comments were grotesque without providing counter evidence. From there, the interview rapidly went downhill. "It’s tragic and unfortunate that Steve would make these grotesque comments so out of touch with reality and obviously so vindictive," lamented the White House adviser, who later went on to call Wolff "a garbage author of a garbage book." When Tapper further pressed Miller for information on their relationship, the guest lodged into a personal attack on the CNN correspondent. "Look, you can be as condescending as you want, it’s part of your M.O." Miller said, of Tapper. Miller went on to clarify that he was only attacking Tapper because CNN has "24 hours of negative anti-Trump hysterical coverage” and “spectacularly embarrassing false reporting." Once Tapper determined that Miller was fully resigned to being uncooperative, the interview was cut short. Naturally, not everyone agreed with what the true outcome of the interview was. President Trump himself tweeted a response shortly after the segment. From his perspective, the interview got cut short because Miller was killing it.
Given the fact that Trump dubbed CNN as "fake news" a year ago, it's hardly surprising he saw the interview as a win for Miller, despite the majority of Twitter.
Passages from Michael Wolff's tell-all book "Fire and Fury" have taken the Internet by storm, and in moments, this obsession has even led people to mistake Twitter jokes for actual samples from the book. The most delightfully absurd example of this confusion occurred when Twitter user Pixelated Boat posted a satirical excerpt claiming Trump watches The Gorilla Channel daily for hours on end. As detailed in the text, the fictional Gorilla Channel is a 24/7 streaming station that shows gorillas playing and fighting each other. The fake channel, of course, was created by White House staff who edited clips from gorilla documentaries to appease the president. Pixelated Boat expected the Internet to understand it was a joke, however, several people soon mistook the tweet as an actual excerpt from "Fire and Fury." The fact that people could believe this speaks volumes about the president. Even after being officially dispelled, the joke has gone so far that Netflix has now asked people to stop inquiring about The Gorilla Channel. This begs the question... how hard would it be to create gorilla channel? It's obviously what the people want in 2018, might as well give it to them.
Hey, did you ever read those Nancy Drew books when you were a kid? I didn't as they were written for girls I think, but there's one I need to read. I think it'll be a good one.
Haha. Some people here in Florida sure try to get away with getting stupid shit on their license plates. Like this one...
Hey, remember Harry and Ron from Harry Potter? This is them now...
Feel old yet? Haha. If I had a TARDIS I would like to and see Mount Rushmore. Knowing my luck though I'd go back in time and they'd still be carving the thing.
So, the other day I was meant to Google "Machu Picchu" and instead I Googled "Machu Pikachu" and this is what I got...
Looks amazing though, right? If you're thinking of cheating on your loved one you might want to think twice after seeing this...
Man, that's a lot of shot to read. Like you don't have enough to read here. I apologize. Remember in school when they used to teach you the recorder? Well, I might take it up again after seeing this...
Music is fun! Hey, people in Florida, it's gonna start to get warm again... they caught her.
Okay, so, there's one thing about the Internet that is really good and this is it's so easy to look at porn. The problem though is it's too easy, and someone might get bored reading the Phile and go straight to porn. I know I would. So, I thought why not show a porn pic here on the Phile? The problem with that is you might be reading this at work, school, with your kids around, and I don't want to to get in trouble. So, I came up with a conclusion and think it works...
Miley Cyrus went from Hannah Montana in 2007 to...
Tippy Mississippi in 2018. Ha! So, how was 2017 for you? If it was bad I bet it wasn't as bad as it was for some people...
This is a hard one. If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Hahaha. Good luck. Okay, I'm sire you heard recently about the iPhone conspiracy theory turned out to be true. Well, a friend of the Phile wanted to come on here and say something about it. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. You know what time it is...
Good morning, pluckerz. Dear Apple, thank you for deciding in your infinite wisdom to "help" all of us iPhone users. Suddenly any of your products below the iPhone 8 have been intentionally slowed down as far as performance. You claim that this has NOTHING at all to do with trying to force us to buy a new phone. You claim that this is an effort to "help improve the battery life of older iPhones." You claim that this has NOTHING to do with the recent changes in net neutrality... and you actually expect us to beLIEVE this? Oh... okay... I'd just as soon believe that Hillary is honest, Trump has an I.Q. of 160 and Samual L. Jackson can go an entire movie without using the word "motherfucker." To sum up... you're full of shit... crooked as the day is long... you're fucking us over (and you KNOW it)... THIS is exactly why people are ditching their iPhones in favor of less expensive competitor's products (that perform much better) AAAND... the way I see it... YOU can all go suck a whole cargo tanker-full of dead, festering, herpes infected cocks that have been sitting in the sun for a month on the loading dock of some third world shithole of a country... you miserable fucking cunts.
Hmmm. And now for some sad news...
Jerry Van Dyke
July 27th, 1931 — January 5th, 2018
Tough life when you always have to play second fiddle to a Dick.
On Thursday, Donald Trump's feud with former White House Chief Strategist Steve Bannon came to a head when the President gifted Bannon his very own insulting nickname... Sloppy Steve. Trump was inspired to make the dig at Bannon in a tweet after he was quoted saying some pretty disparaging things about Trump and his administration in Michael Wolff’s highly anticipated new book, "Fire and Fury."
Soon, "Sloppy Steve" was trending worldwide, with liberals and conservatives alike endorsing the new nickname. The President has a penchant for giving his adversaries derogatory nicknames... just asked Crooked Hillary, Lyin' Ted, or Little Marco. But I have to admit, Sloppy Steve might be his best. Great use of alliteration, Donny.
The 72nd book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...
Phile Alum and author Jim Korkis will be on the Phile on Thursday.
Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says, "You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar. The second man says, "What are you a nut? There's no way that could happen." The first man responds, "No it's true. Let me prove it to you." So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar. The second guy tells him, "You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one-time fluke." The first guy says, "No, I'll prove it again," and again he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it. The second man thinks, "Well, why not? It works, I'll try it." So he jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors... .and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat!' Back upstairs the bartender turns to the other drinker and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real mean drunk."
Okay... this is really cool. Today's pheatured guest for the Phile's 12th Anniversary entry is is an English singer, songwriter and guitarist. He served as the lead guitarist, co-lead vocalist and principal songwriter of the English rock band Oasis, and now is the lead singer of his new band Noel Gallagher From Noel Gallagher's Nigh Flying Birds whose new album "Who Built the Moon?" is available on Amazon and iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile, the very cool... Noel Gallagher!
Me: Holy shit, Noel, welcome to the Phile for it's 12th anniversary entry? How're you doing?
Noel: No worries. Thank you very much.
Me: I love the new album "Who Built the Moon?," sir. There's a lot of sounds on this album, which was a surprise. Did you plan to have it that way?
Noel: Well, David Holmes does soundtracks and his thing is all vibe and sounds and obviously my thing is songs and choruses so it was a good partnership in the sense that he would sit for hours trying to get the guitar to sound like a synthesizer. Why, may you ask, does a guitar sound like a synthesizer? That's because the synthesizer sounds like a guitar as Ringo Starr once said. So, that was his thing. I was as amazed by the sound of the record as it was taking place as anyone else. The reason it worked was he'd be suggesting things and I'd say, "but you can't do that in a pop song," and he'll say, "but you can. So do it." He made me think about writing differently and it was a good trip we went on. I l learnt a lot about myself and about him and I'd hope he'll say the same thing. I really enjoyed it and actually if we hadn't agreed to to do the U2 tour, we had a definite deadline, we'd probably still be making it because we had such a good time doing it.
Me: I like the opening track 'Fort Knox." What is the story behind that song?
Noel: On the day that Kanye released, or as the young kids say "dropped," "Fade," I was in the studio and heard it and was completely blown away by it. I'm not a massive fan of Kanye but I've got some of his stuff. We were playing it in the studio and I was in awe of this fucking track. I always liked that track of his, "The Power," and of you listen to "The Power" and "Fort Knox" side by side you'll get what I mean. This is what's great about David... we're listening to "The Power" on the big speakers and he said, "We should do a track like that." I was like wot? It's from that conversation, and then trying to come up with something equally good, obviously it doesn't have the rapping, that track had a lot of vocals on it. It wasn't really working for me. Until he just started to drop bits out of it and left the space and just let the girls do the chant and then me doing the odd bit of singing here and there. It was a pretty special moment in the studio when we nailed it and we were listening to it and we both thought fucking hell, man, this is amazing. David somehow had amount of doubt and he said, "It won't be going on the album though, right?" I was like it's going to be the first fucking track, dude. He added a subtle little thing to the end to which I was like do you know what, man, it's worth to for that. He just put this alarm clock on it. Why would he think of it? It's genius because it's almost like a fucking rattle to wake up. It's a real alarm clock as well. I don't think it's from a sound effects CD, I think it's from a proper alarm clock. I was like wow, that's fucking great. That's the first time I ever worked with a producer who would stay in the studio on his own. I came back the next day and I thought that's fucking great. He stayed up for nine hours listening to the track on his headphones stoned, just to get one tiny thing that sounded amazing. I've got no patience whatsoever. I want it done now. I wanna hear it now and he said, "Let me work on this for three days and it might work and it might not." I was like shit.
Me: Did he have a big impact on the record, Noel?
Noel: He's the biggest influence on it. He's a proper producer. The other producer's I have worked with asked me how many songs have I got and I would say I have fucking 206, and they'd say it was easy. Press play and record, pick the best songs and that's it. All the albums work is done at home. David is like, "that's no fun for me. I wanna hear what you got." So, it's starting it doesn't sound like Oasis. I'll start jamming out something and he'd stop and say it sounds too much like Oasis and I'd be like it was good though, right? He'd say, "yeah, I've done that before, let's try something different." We'd go on for another couple of hours and he'd say, "nahhh, that sounds like High Flying Birds now." Equally. That's fantastic. He'd then tell me to do something else. It was only when I used up all the things I learnt on the guitar and just started switch off and just play really he'd more often or not say to me, "do me a favour will you stop playing the fucking guitar?" "What do you mean, what do you want me to do? Play the glockenspiel or something? " "No, no, no, play the guitar but stop playing it." No one has said to me before. I'd be playing it quite melodically and he'd say, "Stop being so emotive playing it. Let yourself go." I was like he's seeing things in me that I didn't know were there. I have so little patience for fucking around that it's easy for me to pick up a guitar and write with chords and a melody and that's it. I wrote a song... wooo. He's like, "No, let's take one eighth of the second of that song and make that into a song." Oh, for fucks sake. They'll be days when I'll come home from the studio and my misses would ask me, "How was the studio today?" I'd say, "I have no idea." She'll say, "What have you been doing then?" "I have been playing the synthesizer for hours." She's like, "You can't play the synthesizer." I was like, "I know." "Then what have you been doing?" "I have no fucking idea." Then I go back in the next day and he'd found like a nano second of what I did fucking around with the synthesizer from the 70s the I couldn't play. He'd say, "See that? That's amazing." So, I'd waste hours to get a minutes worth of thing and then I'd go back to the beginning and start from there. The challenge was to turn that into a song. It's like the "Holy Mountain" thing with the whistle riff... that was it, the pair of us sitting around for hours in the studio looking at the speakers. I was like, alright, I gotta make this into a song. I loved the riff... the tin whistle thing.
Me: I have to ask about the whistling on "Holy Mountain." Is that someone actually whistling or a tin whistle? A kazoo would of been better. Haha.
Noel: On my record it's a guy playing a tin whistle. On the sample from the "Chewing Gum Kid" thing, I think it's an organ because we had to play the sample and it sounded fucking great and instantly annoying enough for it to be the first single. It was so annoying it was too good.
Me: I was so surprised there's a couple of instrumentals on the album, sir. Was that your idea or David's?
Noel: He didn't give a fuck who I was. He knew who I was when I met him and all that but he didn't give a fuck about what anyone was gonna think of this record. How that came about was we were watching YouTube and it was some French psychedelic fucking film from 1968 and he was like, "What do you think of this?" It was like a film tune. I couldn't tell you what it was. I said it was great and he said we should do something like that. So, we gotta a little drum machine out and I started out with a guitar and I said, "So, what do you want me to do?" And he said, " Just be French." I was like just what does that even mean. And of course I went and became French. Well, my name is Noel so that wasn't a stretch. He didn't give a fuck about what I've done previously. He was there just to make a record. He didn't give a fuck whose name was gonna be on the cover. He was just like we are making a great record and that's the end of it. I was like great. Cool.
Me: The album could be a soundtrack to a movie, Noel, did you think that as well?
Noel: Yes, that's his game. It's what he does. He works in Hollywood and he does these great films. He puts together soundtrack albums and gets all these great session musicians to play songs and that's what be brought to the table. I've brought somebody who writes pop songs.
Me: I have to ask about "The Man Who Built the Moon." Was that a fun song to write? It's very unique.
Noel: Uhhh... I have to be careful what I say or it might infringe somebody's copyright but it's very close to another thing. That song I wrote 8 choruses for that song. Every chorus I wrote I thought was fucking amazing. He was like no, I've done that a thousand times. For fucks sake. The one you hear on the record was the 9th one and he was right. The one that made it on the record was the best one.
Me: So, how long do you spend in the studio, Noel? Do you go in and leave when you are tired, ready, fed up? Haha.
Noel: I start midday and leave the studio at 6. What I do is I start at 12, finish at 6 and it seems like an intense 6 hours, 8 if I'm working. I've done that since "Morning Glory" and the difference between David and other producers: other producers at 5 past 6 would follow me out of the studio and I'd think that was fucking great. But that's where David would start. I'll leave at 6 and he couldn't wait to get me out the fucking door. He'd be like it's ten to 6, get your cab. Then he'd stick his headphones on with his computer and get into what he was doing. I'd come back the next day and he'd say, "I found this bit of music that you've played." I'd be like wow, fucking hell. That's when I switch off and he'd say this is gonna be the song.
Me: Noel, where do you write most of your songs? At home or in the studio?
Noel: Well, "Keep On Reaching" I wrote in the back of a taxi. Not the tune, that came out by jamming, but the lyrics I wrote in a taxi going around Regents Park. "The Man Who Built the Moon" was written in Belfast, "Holy Mountain" I wrote walking on Baker Street. I do a lot of my writing in my head. I come up with a phrase or something and usually when I'm writing and it's not going anywhere one of the good things is to go on a walk, play the little instrumental that I wrote and that's when I go. I was nearly run over a few times coming up with a chorus. There's a great book I was giving to a few years ago called "The Isle of Noises." I was fascinating when I read that book because everybody's got a different way of doing it. No two people are the same although you end up at the same place. That's what's fascinated about music to me anyway, that two people can hear the same song and one of them can go "that's the biggest pile of shit I've ever heard in my life," and someone will go, "wot? That's the greatest song ever written. What are you talking about?"
Me: Did you go to school or study music?
Noel: I don't know anybody that does. I get asked that a lot... do you read music? I don't know anyone who does and I guarantee if you do your fucking songs are shit.
Me: So, you have written some very classic songs. So, do you write on electric guitar or acoustic?
Noel: Yeah. How I normally write songs is I sit at home with the telly on with the sound down, I'll have an electric guitar on my lap and to the untrained eye I'll look like I'm watching telly while I'm playing guitar. What I'm actually doing is neither. I'm neither taking any notice what I'm playing or watching the TV. I'll be in a fucking daze just fucking around and then I'l be like oh, wait a minute, what was that? I don't even know what the chords are. Sometimes I go with it for days, and then some days they fall out of the sky and I'm there to catch it.
Me: Your music with Oasis was compared to the Beatles a lot, Noel. Were they an inspiration, which I'm sure is a fucking stupid question, but did you have other inspirations?
Noel: Like in "River Man" with "something in the way she moves"? You know we nicked that line from someone else... James Taylor. You do get a lot of squares go, "it's a fucking Beatles line." Really? Go Google it, you penis. I'm not expecting nobody to notice. It's kinda like these are my influences, this is where it comes from. This is not art. it's just us channeling something else. I was always in the school of music where if I write a song and I think it sounds like T-Rex I'll make it sound more like T-Rex. A lot of songwriters make it sound like the opposite. I've never shied away from that. Most people with a good record collection could do what I do. I'm just a fan making music from a fan's perspective. When I get it wrong I do fall flat on my fucking face, and nobody's fallen further than I have done for years. But when I get it right it becomes something new almost. So, for instance "Cigarettes & Alcohol," that riff is clearly T-Rex but I can assure you he got it from somewhere else. It's a standard blues thing. But it became something new for a new generation. There's only some fucking twat in the "NME" that said, "that's T-Rex." When you get something right it becomes something new. When you get it wrong it can be pastige and I've done both. "Live Forever" was inspired by "Shine the Light" by the Stones and that became something new. I don't shy away from it, I chase it if anything. That's my school of music upbringing.
Me: I have to ask you about your guitars. They're pretty legendary, am I right?
Noel: Uhhh... I've got personally two guitars that were given to me by Johnny Marr. He says borrowed, I say given. One of them he wrote "Panic" on it and I wrote "Slide Away" on it, on the same guitar, and for that reason alone he's never gonna get it back. I've got his black Les Paul that he wrote "The Queen Is Dead" on and I wrote "Little By Little" or something on it. I've got one acoustic and one electric, I think they amount up to four guitars what I did "Morning Glory" and "Definitely Maybe" on. They're not the kind of things I turn to. What I find is there's a lot of guitars I have gotten over the years and I usually have three or four in the house and when it's not happening I go back to the lock up and get another three or four. More often or not I play a guitar straightaway, which is why I buy a lot of guitars. If I see a guitar in a shop and something catches my eye and even though I've got six of the fucking things I'll be drawn to it, more often or not I'll get it home, I'll write something on it immediately. I believe that, I don't know why that is, but I think musical instruments, particularly guitars, might've sold. If they're used, second hand, from the 50s or something, clearly someones been fucking. They've got somebody else's soul in it.
Me: Do you play any other instruments? Do you like playing the guitar?
Noel: There's track on the album called "If Love is the Law" which I wrote on the mellotron. It's a riff that I had that David jumped on that he said could be a song. I've never written anything on the bass. I'm not really a guitar players player. Its just a tool to write a song. It might as well be a fucking shovel. I love them to look at and they're nice to play and all that but they're just tools. If I was a guitar they have a different take on it. They're the ones wholly really naff guitars, with fucking flamethrowers coming out the end and shit. The Big Red 355 that I play a lot, that is a fucking serious instrument and I've not written so much on that guitar but live I've been playing it for 15 years now and it's a major fucking equipment.
Me: Noel, you have written some very classic, legendary songs. Thinking back to "Champagne Supernova" or "Wonderwall." What song have you written that you thought woe, this is fucking great?
Noel: "Dead in the Water," the last song in this album was the last thing I wrote that gave me chills. The story on that particular thing was we were on the last tour and we were in Ireland and I was doing a radio session for RTE and the performance of "The Dying of the Light" is on YouTube. In-between takes, what you hear there, is me fucking around, trying to fix the microphone. I've written "Dead in the Water" about a week before and the sound was so good in my headphones that I asked can I do it again I just started to play that song. I had no idea it was being recorded, I just did it for me. My keyboard player sat opposite kinda looked at my fingers playing the chords and I'm willing him to stop playing because he doesn't know the fucking song, he never heard it before. So, I'm kinda singing it for me and he stops and says, "Is that new?" And we go in and do "The Dying of the Light" and then pack up and go home. Fast forward a couple of years, we are in my office having a meeting and they ask me if we got any content for bonus material. No. One of the guys chasing at the beginning in that thing works in my office and he shouted across the room, "What about that thing you did in Dublin?" I didn't know what he was going on about. He said, "That track something about the water." "'Dead in the Water'? I'm not rerecording that." He said no, they recorded it. Fucking get out of it. So we got hold of the studio in Dublin and low and behold they recorded it and it sounded like that. Fuck off, man, it's really live and a pure magic moment where I'm singing to for me alone. I think it's so special. I'm gonna try and never record that song for that fucking moment of it. It starts slow and then it gradually picks up pace. It's fucking beautiful.
Me: Do a lot of your songs come quickly?
Noel: I think like "The Dying of the Light" they arrive fully formed and it takes a couple of hours to write it. That song I chipped away at for a bit. A kind of a rule the more that a song takes to write the more thought out it's gonna be, the less pure it's gonna be. But there's exceptions to the rule. "Rock and Roll Star" took fucking ages to write that song and that is incredible. "Slide Away" arrived like that and equally they're times when you persevere on a song they will have an instant feeling. So there's no hard and fast riles to any of this shit which makes it all fascinating to a songwriter.
Me: Do you do the demos at home, or do you do demos?
Noel: I don't have a portastudio, I never was able to master a four track. On average I do it once every five years, I buy the new four track then it always falls down at the manual. I get it out, I set it up, I switch to on, the lights come on and I'm like this is it, man. I'm gonna fucking record now. Then I get the manual out and there's like words with two many D's in, they loom like something out of "Countdown," what does that even mean? But luckily for me I've got pretty good memory for remembering stuff.
Me: I love the song "Don't Look Back In Anger." What is the story about that song, Noel?
Noel: One rainy night in Paris, funny enough I was in a strip club, rolled in drunk, got up the next day and the words were written there on this fucking thing and the guitar was on the floor in the hotel room. I played it back and my initial reaction to it was that sounded pretty good if we do it on the next record. Low and behold its become as big as the band. I mean it's kinda like as big as Oasis. Maybe even bigger. That's another fascinating thing. Its like I get asked about that song a lot, particularly around the world... did you know? Even if I had a nano thought of what that song had become I would never finish it. How could what I've written look up to that it's become? The reason it's become what it has is it's pure expression. It was thought out, it was something that was going on in the air that night. Maybe it was one of the strippers, I don't know, but this song is about a woman of a certain age whose life has past her by, but she's looking in a glass chiming fuck it, I don't care, I've got no regrets. Then it's morphed into this anthem of defiance like we will not be fucking cowards. It's a wonderful fucking thing. It's absolute magic.
Me: Why do you think that song resonates with so many people?
Noel: The essence of that song it comes from some fucking point of truth. It has to. I'm telling you now, they fucking love that shit in North Korea. They can't even fucking speak English. So it blows my mind. There's footage of a crowd singing it at a Chinese football match. What the fuck was going on that night? It blows me away. I guess when I'm sitting down watching TV I'm thinking anything could happen here.
Me: What do you think the greatest thing is about being a songwriter, Noel?
Noel: Not coming up with the chords, the melody or the words, but recognizing there's something happening. To be switched on. Keith Richards talks about the songs being in the air and all that. I liken it to fishing. If you're not at the river you're not catching anything. I go there every fucking day of my life. Before I did this interview I was sitting playing my guitar for an hour, watching "Match of the Day" with the sound down, and thinking nothing happened today. It might get something tomorrow or this week.
Me: I have to ask, in "Champagne Supernova" what does that line about the cannonball mean?
Noel: I fucking don't know what it means, I only wrote it. On my last tour I was playing it in front of bunch of 15-year-olds with their tops off, so maybe that's what it means. That kid there was barely 5 when Oasis broke up and now he's crying his eyes out. It's like that's what it means. If you could put that into a photograph you'll be a fucking genius. It's just is. That's it. Nobody knows.
Me: Do you think you'll do another collaboration with another producer?
Noel: I don't collaborate. I didn't collaborate with David Holmes, he cannot play a fucking instrument. He was just a producer. No one gets a writing credit. I write. That's it. I'm not interested in writing with anybody else unless I'm gonna start a new band, I'm offended by singer-songwriters. When you scratch the surface I don't do any fucking songwriting. I'm offended by that. If you scratch the surface of any fucking solo artist they've all got a team go songwriters behind them apart from me, Paul Weller and Johnny Marr. I can't think of anybody else. All the way to fucking Ed Sheerhen and that little fucking cunt, that little fucking fella out of One Direction, they've all got an army of songwriters behind them. That's alright, everyone has to make a living and all that. It feels my arrogance which is good for me.
Me: Okay then...
Noel: I think as a solo artist it comes from you. What is it? It's someone else's melodies, someone else's words. Crack on, make a living. But don't be a fucking big mouth about it. Even with that tune "Dead in the Water," people built careers on that shit. I gave that away. You can have it. I'm that fucking good.
Me: Hahaha. Alright, Noel, sir, this was one of my favorite interviews ever. Thanks so much for taking time out for my blog on it's 12th anniversary. Continued success. Come back again soon.
Noel: Cheers, Jason.
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. I can't believe it's the Phile's 12th anniversary wither. Damn. Thanks to my guests Laird Jim and of course Noel Gallagher. The Phile will be back on Thursday with Phile Alum and author Jim Korkis. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker