Sunday, January 14, 2018

Pheaturing Parker Matthews

Hey there, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Sunday. How are you doing? So, do I have any readers in Hawaii? I'm sure. Yesterday morning Hawaii residents were terrified by a ballistic missile warning that turned out to be a false alarm, according to officials. "BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL," flashed across people's phones, but the Hawaii Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard quickly tweeted that it was a false alarm. The Lt. Commander Joe Nawrocki confirmed to BuzzFeed News the warning was a false alarm, adding that he wasn't sure who sent out the message in the first place. "There is no missile threat, We're trying to figure out where this came from or how this started. There is absolutely no incoming ballistic missile threat to Hawaii right now," Nawrocki said. Hawaii's Emergency Management Agency also confirmed the text was a false alarm. "We're in a process of sending another message to cancel the initial message. It was part of a drill that was going on," a spokesperson told Buzzfeed.
Earlier this week, H&M apologized for a hoodie ad after they became embroiled in accusations of racism. The ad, showing a young black boy wearing a green hoodie that says, "Coolest monkey in the jungle," quickly received Internet backlash. Whether it was intentional or not (most believe it was intentional), H&M's decision to have the only black child model a sweatshirt bearing the connotations of an ethnic slur did not sit well. In lieu of the ad, outrage towards H&M has cropped up globally. Yesterday, members of the South African social political party the Economic Freedom Fighters protested stores at Johannesburg, Pretoria, and the Clearwater Mall (in Johannesburg). Protesters wore red and danced and sang outside the stores, some carried signs that said "H&M say 'hello' to coolest monkeys" and "away with H&M racist tendencies." While the stores were left trashed, nothing was reported as stolen. While the protests were clearly staged to protest H&M's advertising, some skeptics believed the demonstration was planned to distract from birthday celebrations for the ruling African National Congress party. On Tuesday, H&M issued a formal apology pledging to take down the advertisement and remove the hoodies from their stores. H&M has yet to formally respond to these protests, but if they continue, it seems inevitable.
If you've spent any time in public restrooms over the last few decades, you're probably accustomed to using one of these to "dry" your hands...

Unfortunately, they don't actually dispense bacon, but instead a gentle puff of lukewarm air that seems to take approximately 1.5 hours to work. Someone physically blowing on your hands would be more effective. So, needless to say, hand washers everywhere were pretty psyched when these guys started popping up in public restrooms around the world...

If you've ever used one of these fancy high-speed hand dryers, like the Dyson Airblade, you know how satisfying it feels to have the water evaporate from your hands in seconds, like magic. But it turns out, like so many seemingly perfect things in this tricky minefield we call life, these high-speed hand dryers are too good to be true. A U.K. study found that using a "jet-air dryer" can spread 60 times more bacteria than an old-fashioned slow-speed hand dryer, and 1,300 times more bacteria than paper towels. Despite what the above pic would have to believe, this is not "hygienic" in any way, shape or form. Basically, when you stick your hands in one of these "magical" machines, you are showering your hands with hot germs. An experience equivalent to spending 5 minutes in the NYC subway, or 5 seconds in my apartment. Hahaha. Looks like it's back to the ol' reliable method: wiping my hands on my shorts.
Tomi Lahren, the political commentator who got her start at Glenn Beck's TheBlaze before accepting her destiny as a contributor to Fox News, predictably weighed in on the "shithole" controversy on Friday. She did so with a rhetorical question, which, if she ever read the Phile, she'd know is a grave mistake.

The thing about a rhetorical question? It always has rhetorical answers. The thing about the Internet? It's always mean. According to "The Washington Post," Trump "grew frustrated" on Thursday as a bipartisan group of lawmakers discussed protections for immigrants from Haiti, El Salvador, and some African countries. "Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here?" the president allegedly asked. "We need more people from Norway." The comments were largely interpreted as racist, and the president himself denied using the language described by the "Post." In the last few days the comments have blown up, with the reaction going viral everywhere. Democratic lawmakers rushed to denounce the comments, as have several Republicans. Few conservatives have defended the quote as particularly insightful or as a dignified representation of their views on immigration. So, it begs the question, what was Lahren thinking? Don't answer that.
Donald Trump Jr., of meeting with Russians for dirt on Hillary Clinton fame, got caught liking a porn bot on Twitter, and his taste is INTENSE. The Twitter account Trump Alert, which displays who the Trump family and administration are liking and following on the site, revealed that Don Jr. followed an account that featured really nasty stuff. Like, really nasty. When people talk about chokers being back in style, this is not what they mean. Highlights from @djr_102's tweets include the phrase "day long erection" and a violent picture of a man penetrating and choking a woman. It immediately brought back memories of September 11th, 2017, the day Ted Cruz's Twitter account liked a porn tweet. Don Jr.'s porn account of choice has since been shut down. Trump Alert is not certain of the exact date and time Don Jr. followed the account. It's possible that Jr. engaged with the porno provider earlier than yesterday, but the alert came up due to the account's reactivation. It's all moot now, because sadly for Junior, djr_102 is no more. Sad! Poor Don Jr. will have to find another source of excitement. Maybe WikiLeaks can slide back into his DMs.
Hey, it's Sunday... instead of doing this blog thing I should be listening to this...

Ummm... maybe not. So, I was watching one of my favorite Disney movies the other day and I saw this...

And it reminded me of something. And then it hit me...

Haha. I love Robin Hood and The Jungle Book though. Have you noticed technology is getting smaller and smaller? Other things in life are as well...

I wonder how much damage that little thing could cause. If I had a TARDIS I would go back to World Wars II but knowing my luck I'll come across Nazi General Himmler.

But at least he'd be stared down by a Jewish man. Look at that stare. Man, Doland Trump Jr. sure tweeted some weird stuff in the past...

Ummm... no, it isn't. So, I love the Porgs from the last Star Wars movie but that wasn't the first Star Wars film they were in. They were also in the very first one. Don't believe me?

See it? Alright, so, this year the Phile is 12-years-old, and in those years some celebrities have changed  a lot. For example Ryan Gosling. This is him in 2006...

He was beardy. Now in 2018...

He's sticking to a mere stubble. Good for him. Alright, do you know what is the best? No? I will tell you...

The more sulfur-rich your diet is, the more terrible your toots will smell. Some foods contain more sulfur than others, which is why eating things like beans, cabbage, cheese, soda, and eggs can cause gas that will peel the paint off the walls!

Ha. If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, so, how was last year for you? I bet it wasn't as bad as some people's...

Like all women. Being a woman in America in 2017 meant waking up in a country where a sexual predator is president, checking the news to read about sexual predators in Hollywood, and taking a break from Hollywood perverts to read about the ones in Congress. It's not just rhetoric... Trump has waged war on women's health and women's rights. Needless to say, it sucked for you I'm sure. But things are looking up: a record number of women are running for office in 2018, and #TheResistance is only getting stronger and more organized. While 2017 was bad for both women and perverts alike, this year belongs to women.

So, I was watching one of my TV shows from the 90s, "The X-Files," and it got me to thinking... I should be like Mulder. So, here is...

Back in the 1950s the CIA secretly dosed individuals with LSD in order to test the potential effects of mind control. Although the practice reportedly continued for two decades, it was launched before the drug movement of the 1960s made LSD into a popular counterculture symbol. And while being given some free acid might sound like a great time to some, or at least the plot to a bad hipster action movie, dozens of people were reportedly left with permanent disabilities after secretly being subjected to massive amounts of LSD and electroshock therapy after seeking treatment for “minor psychiatric complaints.”

Holy shithole. "The Wall Street Journal" is reporting that a month before the 2016 election, President Trump's lawyer paid $130,000 to an adult film star "as part of an agreement that precluded her from publicly discussing an alleged sexual encounter with Mr. Trump." Stephanie Clifford... stage name: Stormy Daniels... was paid in October 2016 and signed a nondisclosure agreement. Stephanie/Stormy alleges that she met Trump at a celebrity golf tournament in July 2006 in Lake Tahoe. Trump married Melania in 2005. Barron Trump was born in March 2006. "The Journal" had previously reported in November 2016 that Daniels was in talks to appear on "Good Morning America," but was presumably offered a better deal by the Trump camp. Trump and Stormy had allegedly been in the same place at the same time a year after the alleged encounter. The lawyer forwarded to journalists a signed letter from Stormy denying the story.

This is wild news in an already wild week for an extremely wild presidency. Realistically, Stormy Daniels should be paying Trump not to tell anyone she had sex with him. It's her reputation that suffers here.

Keith Jackson 
October 18th, 1928 — January 13th, 2018
Something about Nellie goes here. Hey Nellie? Go Nellie? Run, nellie, run? Something like that.

The 73rd book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

The author, Linda S. Godfrey will be the guest on the Phile a week from tomorrow. Now for some...

Phact 1. The famous female pirates Mary Read and Anne Bonny discovered each others’ real genders (they were disguising themselves as men) when Bonny told Read that she was attracted to her, causing Read to reveal herself as a female as well.

Phact 2. Before the filming of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, director Alfonso CuarĂ³n had Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, and Emma Watson write essays about their characters. Watson turned in a 16-page essay, Radcliffe gave a single page, and Grint forgot to turn his in.

Phact 3. Ghanaian soccer player Mohammed Anas accidentally thanked both his wife and his girlfriend in a speech after a match.

Phact 4. In 2013, an elderly care home in California was shut down leaving many residents with nowhere to go or care for them. After the rest of the staff left, a cook and a janitor decided to stay behind and, unpaid, they looked after them 24/7.

Phact 5. The popular Vine “Ryan Gosling Won’t Eat His Cereal” was created by Ryan McHenry. McHenry was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma cancer and passed after battling for a year. In a tribute to McHenry, actor Ryan Gosling created a Vine account and ate a bowl of cereal.

Today's guest is a brand new singer whose single "Lost with You" is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Parker Matthews.

Me: Hello, Parker, how are you? Welcome to the Phile.

Parker: Hey! I’m doing well! How’re you? Thank you so much for having me.

Me: I'm hanging in there. You have your first single and video out called "Lost With You." Was this something that you planned to do for a long time?

Parker: I wrote “Lost With You” back in January of last year, and didn’t record it until the summer. 

Me: How long have you been singing and writing songs, Parker?

Parker: I’ve been singing since I was a little kid, and music has always meant the world to me. I started writing songs when I was a teenager, and have been at it ever since.

Me: When did you realize you wanted to be singer?

Parker: I always wanted to be a singer, and always felt that was my calling.

Me: Who are your musical influences?

Parker: I have so many influences, but I’d have to say my favorites are Christina Aguilera, Jessie J, Jennifer Hudson, and Whitney Houston.

Me: I am guessing you did a lot of theater in school, am I right?

Parker: I did some theater, but mostly was in music classes and orchestra, I played the violin and piano.

Me: Where are you originally from, Parker? Where do you live now?

Parker: I am originally from Wexford, Pennsylvania, which is just outside of Pittsburgh. I live in L.A. now though!

Me: Did you move to L.A. for your music career?

Parker: I did indeed move to LA for my career in music and I’ve never looked back.

Me: What's your favorite thing about living there?

Parker: The weather is great, but most of all, I get to be around the entertainment industry all the time.

Me: Do you get back home to Pennsylvania often?

Parker: I go home once a year for Christmas for a few days.

Me: What do your parents and family think of our music? They must be proud of you, am I right? 

Parker: My parents have always believed in me and they are proud of what I’ve been doing, but this is only the beginning!

Me: You went to North Allegheny Intermediate High School... what a name... where was that? You studied drama and music there, am I right?

Parker: My high School was in Wexford, and we didn’t really have courses of study, just classes that we could take as extra classes.

Me: Did you go to college?

Parker: I did, I studied business and almost went down that road, but decided to follow my dreams instead!

Me: You had a rough time in school getting bullied a lot and you even thought of committing suicide... why did you get bullied a lot, Parker?

Parker: I was bullied a lot because I was in the arts, and that was looked at as being different. I was picked on daily, and at times, it became really tough to pull through.

Me: Was this in grade school or the high school?

Parker: It became worse in high school.

Me: I was only bullied a little at school but back then bullying was so different as now kids are using social media to bully... was that how you were?

Parker: Social media wasn’t as prevalent back then, so it was mainly in person when the bullying would happen.

Me: Were you doing a lot of songwriting back then? Did that help?

Parker: I did song write, but I did do a lot of writing which allowed me to have my creative outlet. 

Me: You do a lot of stuff for suicide prevention, Parker, which is cool... what kinda stuff do you do to get the word out?

Parker: The latest thing I’ve done was in Sydney, Australia this past spring for their Mardi Gras festival and worked with an organization down there that works with young LGBT youth as an anti-suicide non-profit.

Me: That's cool. Okay, let's talk about "Lost With You." Did you write that song, Parker?

Parker: I did indeed write the song.

Me: Do you write on keyboards or an acoustic guitar?

Parker: My writing partner and I write on piano and keyboards.

Me: Is that song written about anybody in particular?

Parker: It sure is, but that person will remain anonymous. Ha.

Me: Fair enough. Where was the video filmed? It looked like it was cold by the water there.

Parker: It was filmed in Malibu and the water was so cold that morning!

Me: I have to show a screenshot of the video...

Me: Were those actors or real friends of yours in the video?

Parker: They were actual real friends which was nice.

Me: I am guessing you knew the guy who was your boyfriend in the video... was that your decision to feature a gay relationship in the video? I like it you are being true to yourself...

Parker: Yes, it was up to me to decide the concept of the video and Trent is the guys name who played along with me. He’s a good friend of mine and was such a good sport that day!

Me: So, what is next for you, Parker? Are you releasing more music soon?

Parker: I sure am! My next single "Hit and Run" will be out on February 2nd.

Me: Hey, did you know there is a singer named Matthew Parker? You should do a few shows with him. Haha. Thanks so much for being on the Phile. Mention your website and I hope this was fun. Come back again soon, and continue making music. Take care.

Parker: Thank you so much for having me!

Me: You're welcome. Come back soon.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Parker for being on the Phile. The Phile will be back tomorrow with singer/songwriter Oleta Adams. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

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