Sunday, July 30, 2017

Pheaturing Phile Alum Karling Abbeygate

Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Sunday, how are you? Another day in America, another incident of horrific racism caught on film!! This one involves a racist blonde, who was filmed in the parking lot of a Walmart (popular hangout spot for racists apparently), throwing a tantrum in which she threatens to "kill" all Muslims. The tirade was reportedly sparked by three women, who happen to be Muslim, parking their car too close to hers. The video was shared by journalist and activist Shaun King on Facebook, where it went viral, wracking up over a million views in a few days. "We're gonna kill all of ya. We're gonna kill every one of ya," the woman is heard saying in the video, as she leaned aggressively in to the car window of Sarah Hassan, who recorded the incident. She continued, "we're gonna kill every one of you fucking Muslims." She also asked the women "why are you in our country anyway?" told them to "go home" and said, "I’m an American. I’m an American and you’re not" I have no doubt she's an American, unfortunately. The video was filmed by Hassan, 21, who was in the car with her sister, 20-year-old Leyla Hassan, and their friend, Rowda Soyan, 23, who live in Fargo, North Dakota, but are originally from Somalia, the "West Fargo Pioneer" reports. Hassan said she started filming to collect evidence of the woman's "unacceptable" behavior. They also contacted police after the incident, sharing the video and the woman's license plate number, but no charges were filed. The racist woman has since been identified as Amber Elizabeth Hensley, a Donald Trump supporter (duh) according to her social media, which has since been deleted. Yesterday, she reportedly "apologized" in a Facebook post, before deactivating her account. Here's her "apology," in which she claims the women had parked too close to her car, called her a "fat bitch" and said "fuck JESUS" (which the women have vehemently denied), KVRR reports, "I would first like to apologize for the horrible things that I said to the two ladies at Walmart. It was not a Christian like thing to do AT ALL and wish I could take it back, but I lost my cool and I can’t. I am terribly sorry. I just wish that the whole video could be shown. And the things that were stated before she starts taping. She had parked way too close to my car and I couldn’t get in, when I asked her to move she refused, I asked her again and she swore at me calling me a fat bitch, to that I informed her that I was a Christian and asked her if she knew who Jesus was, she said fuck JESUS and I lost it! But there are absolutely no excuses. I am in tears with regret and will take any form of punishment deemed fit." Part of that punishment will be having to find a new job, apparently. Hensley, from Mapleton, North Dakota, was reportedly let go this week after the incident went viral. "Horab & Wentz does not agree with or support the statements expressed by Amber Hensley in the recently posted video," said a statement from the Fargo accounting firm where she used to work as a secretary, emailed to KVRR. "Ms. Hensley is no longer employed with Horab & Wentz effective immediately." Hassan told the "West Fargo Pioneer" that she shared the video in order to show people the kinds of abuse she experiences "every day" as a Muslim American. "I wanted everyone to see what happens to us every day," she said. "I was so scared."
They say that children are our future. Well, this is what we have to look forward to... According to BuzzFeed News, a 14-year-old named Kaley was talking to a friend about how attractive she found a member of the K-pop group BTS to be, and offhandedly said, "He’s so beautiful I could shove a hammer in my mouth." Well, her friend called her bluff on that, and so Kaley doubled down and actually shoved a hammer in her mouth. There was only one problem: she couldn't get the hammer out. STOP. Hammer time...

Geez, talk about a hammerhead (I have hammer puns for days, people). Luckily, Kaley managed to remove the hammer after about 10 minutes of trying to wriggle it out (and didn't knock any of her teeth out in the process). Nailed it. Hey, I am glad she managed to remove the hammer, but you probably aren't the sharpest tool in the shed if you are eating hammers in the first place.
On Thursday, the official White House Twitter account... not to be confused with the headline-making machine @RealDonaldTrump... tweeted the following. See if you can figure out what's going on...

No, the White House didn't turn President Donald Trump into an all knowing, god-blessed deity. At least, not on purpose. The tweet should have had quotes around it. The White House was merely quoting Donald Trump, who was speaking on Thursday at a ceremony for first responders to the shooting of Congressman Scalise. Of course, without the quotation marks and even a hint of context. Grammar is important, everyone, even if it's not presidential.
Hillary Clinton, the woman who won the popular vote in the 2016 Presidential election, has written a memoir scheduled to be released September 12th. The book is aptly titled "What Happened?" According to a release from the publisher Simon & Schuster, the book will cover what it was like for Clinton to run against Donald Trump. It'll also detail the "shocking and devastating loss" Clinton endured, and how she "found the strength to pick herself back up afterward." In the book's introduction, Clinton writes, “In the past, for reasons I try to explain, I’ve often felt I had to be careful in public, like I was up on a wire without a net. Now I’m letting my guard down.” Oh yeah, Hillary's about to get real. Clinton spoke at a conference in May in Rancho Palos Verdes, California, where she said, “I take responsibility for every decision I made, but that’s not why I lost." In May, Clinton also spoke at a Women for Women International event in New York, where she said that had the election been held on October 27th, she would be president. She explained, "I take absolute personal responsibility. I was the candidate, I was the person who was on the ballot. I am very aware of the challenges, the problems, the shortfalls that we had." But she went on to say that she was "on the way to winning until a combination of Jim Comey's letter on October 28th and Russian WikiLeaks raised doubts in the minds of people who were inclined to vote for me and got scared off." She added, "The reason I believe we lost were the intervening events in the last 10 days." It's strange how Hillary Clinton is still being blamed for losing the election, and how angry people get when she tries to include any other factors into her loss besides her own apparent unlike ability. Is she just not supposed to talk about the letter former FBI head James Comey sent to Congress 11 days before the election that said the investigation into her emails was being reopened? So basically, that's what It's still worth reading the book, though.
Question: When you've been cast out by your peers, left a laughingstock, and have nowhere else to turn, where do you go? Answer: "Dancing with the Stars." Sean Spicer, the dearly departed former White House Press Secretary, has allegedly been courting multiple officers in the few days since he resigned from his role. He could use this time to write a book, or become a cable news talking head, or try to reverse some of the damage he's done while working for the Trump Administration. Instead, it looks like he may be heading to ABC's powerhouse of mediocre contestants and high ratings, "Dancing with the Stars." According to the "New York Post," Spicer has met with executives from ABC. “That has legs,” said an anonymous source who knows the details of the meetings. The good news here is that Spicer only has to last two episodes to beat the last embattled politician to appear on "DWTS," Rick Perry.
Hey, it's Sunday... instead of doing this blog thing I should be chilling and listening to this record...

That's fucking scary. I just mentioned Hillary Clinton's new book "What Happened?" Well, she has another new book that is coming out as well...

Disney, the greatest company to work for ever, likes to experiment with the look of their characters and try different things sometimes. Foe example, take this original look on some of the characters from Hunchback of Notre Dame...

See what I mean? Ever go to Goodwill? I have only been there once but I might go there again if they sell this there...

Wait. I just realized what that was. Never mind. Hahahahahahaha. Helps if I do better research before  set up a joke, right? Moving on... If you are thinking about cheating on your loved one you might wan an think twice when you see this...

Damn! A few weeks ago I told you about when Kellyanne Conway held some signs up on Fox News. Well, bless her heart, she did it again. Hahaha.

Ever get a note from your neighbor that wasn't nice? I have never, but someone did...

Hmmm. One thing you might know about me is that I like following the rules. But some people just take it a little bit too far...

Once in the while my car gets dirty, but it has never been this dirty...

Hahaha. Okay, so, in the past I have shown you bathing suits and bikinis you might see at the beach r pool this summer. Well...

Once again, I have a LOT of questions... This the half man-thong actually has a name: it's called a String Latéral Flash Bleu and it is made by a company called Alter. You can purchase the cock sock (because that's pretty much all it is) from the French underwear website Inderwear. But, please, do yourself (and me) a favor and don't! Hahaha. So, I like to think I'm a pretty lucky guy, some some people just have all the luck. So, once again, here is someone that is...

Today's award goes to Steve Bannon, because he might be more limber than he appears. More surprising than John McCain doing the right thing, this week we learned that Steve Bannon has a special skill: auto-fellatio. In an absolutely unhinged, presumably coke-fueled interview with "The New Yorker," White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci communicated...

Please take a minute to enjoy seeing this quote in official "New Yorker" style. Sure, while this may be a figure of speech, it also may not be, and now this image is not only seared into our brains but has been entered into the annals of history.

If you spot the Mindphuck please let me know. And now for some sad news...

Barbara Sinatra 
October 16th, 1927 — July 25th, 2017
Before she married Frank, she was married to Zeppo. The least popular Marx brother. Quite a life you led there, Barb.

Are you a lazy person? If so, I bet you are not as lazy as this person...

So, are you going on a date soon or back to work tomorrow? You wanna seem intelligent? Well, I am here to help poi with that. So, once again it's. just the...

Phact 1: Researchers from Texas State University ran out of funds while studying the 17th century pirate Captain Morgan and attempting to retrieve artifacts from his sunken ships off the coast of Panama. None other than the Captain Morgan rum company granted them money to continue their work.
Phact 2: Each Oscar Award loser receives a consolation bag of goodies. Last year's "goodie bag" was worth $45,000 to $48,000. It was full of odd items ranging from condoms to Windex, holidays to maple syrup and beauty products.
Phact 3: There is a large stinging shrub native to Australia called the Gympie Gympie that produces a neurotoxin so painful, it has driven people and animals to suicide. The pain has been described as being sprayed with hot acid and electrocuted at the same time. A man was reported to have shot himself using the shrub's leaves as toilet paper.
Phact 4: Leonardo DiCaprio was named Leonardo because his pregnant mother was looking at a Leonardo da Vinci's painting in a museum in Italy when DiCaprio first kicked.
Phact 5: In 1994, NBA MVP Hakeem Olajuwon released a thirty-five dollar sneaker instead of endorsing shoes from Nike or Reebok because "how can a poor working mother with three boys buy Nikes or Reeboks that costs $120? She can't. So kids steal these shoes from stories and from other kids. Sometimes they kill for them." Stephon Marbury did the same in 2006 and released his brand for just fifteen dollars.

Another Saturday, another weekend morning Twitter rant from President Donald Trump. Do you think he does these with a full mug of coffee and a plate of uneaten pancakes next to him? That's how I imagine it. ANYWAY, this time, Trump is trying to change the rules of the United States Senate. Yes, via the Internet. The Senate currently requires that 60 senators, or three-fifths of the Senate, agree to end debate and move on to vote on a particular measure. This process in known as invoking cloture, per CNN. (Once the measure has actually moved on to a vote, though, it only needs 51 votes to pass.) In Trump's tweet storm, he called this 60 vote rule "A JOKE!" He then said that Republicans in the Senate can't get anything done unless they totally change the rules, and that "They look like fools and are just wasting time." He blamed the fact that his administration can't get any bills passed on eight Democrats who supposedly "control the U.S. Senate." He wrapped up by saying that if Democrats ever needed to change the rules, they would, and that they are laughing at Republicans. "MAKE CHANGE!" the president demanded from his Twitter account. That'll show 'em.

Emoji are small icons used to express the emotional spectrum of feeling too lazy to think of something to say.

Today's pheatured guest is a Phile Alum and author of "The Fly King," the 63rd book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club. She also has a brand new EP out called "Curse On Me" by her band Karling and the Kadavers. Please welcome back to the Phile... Karling Abbeygate.

Me: Hey, Karling, welcome back to the Phile. How are you?

Karling: I'm doing great thanks!

Me: Last time you were here was for the Christmas entry in 2011. That's to long ago. I should of had you back sooner. You have been busy in that time though, right?

Karling: Oh my God yes! I've had all kinds of life changes since then. I would say since the Christmas album I've been more busy than ever before. And with all kinds of new things I'd never expected!

Me: You're originally from England, right, but now live in L.A.? When did you originally move?

Karling: I moved from England over 15 years ago. We live in L.A. but are planning a move to Rosarito Beach, Mexico! At least for a while.

Me: Do you go back to England at all?

Karling: Yes, I try to go back once a year.

Me: I am originally from England and now love here in Florida. I haven't been back over there since 2007... I have no idea when or IF I ever go back. Anyway, what made you decide to move from England?

Karling: Well, it was an accident really. My ex was a photographer and so we both got a job on cruise ships for several years. We got off the ship in Florida (which is a coincidence) and decided to stay. From there we moved to Vegas we split up. I moved to Portland, then L.A.

Me: I read your house is kinda crazy... and if I ever went to California I don't think I would visit you at your place. You have horror props, circus memorabilia and an assortment of creatures like snakes, bats, roaches and stuff. What. The Fuck? Okay, I don't know where to start. First of, have you always been into these kinda things?

Karling: Yes I have! I've always loved the weird and wonderful. I'm very passionate about animals although they are a lot of work. Frogs and spiders are strangely endearing.

Me: I don't like scary stuff and horror movies, but I did read "The Fly King" which we will talk about in a minute. So, you like scary movies? Do you like modern scary movies or older movies?

Karling: I like all scary movies as long as they're good. The older ones seem to be more scary, though. I'm not a huge fan of CGI. Sometimes a closeup on the doorknob turning and squeaking can be more scary than a whole bunch of special effects.

Me: What is the scariest movie you have ever seen, Karling?

Karling: The scariest movie that comes to mind is actually a thriller sci-fi movie called Dark Skies. We've watched it several times and it is really terrifying. It leaves you feeling very helpless, and thinking, that's not far fetched at all!!

Me: What kind of horror items do you have?

Karling: Johnny, my fiancé, is really the person who has collected all the strange items in our house. I'd like to take credit, but my horror has always been in my head. He expresses it visually so you can imagine, it's pretty scary here at times! We have all types of old creepy puppets, strange items that doctors used to use. Even a "Hotel Vacancy" sign were a murder took place. It still has dried blood droplets on it! Many of these things are haunted.

Me: Where do you find such stuff?

Karling: It seems to be attracted to us. People literally drop things off outside that they are scared of. Other things come from movie sets, estate sales...

Me: Okay, so circus memorabilia... what kind? Circuses are kinda going away, right? What do you think of Ringling & Barnum shutting down? I bet they'll be tons of circus stuff for sale now.

Karling: Yes, I'm sad about that. Johnny was in the circus for a while. There's just something about it that is darkly magical. And, I haven't mentioned this yet, but we just rented a place in Mexico for a year, and the first thing we saw is the Mexican Circus is in town, so we will be going to that next weekend!

Me: I heard collecting circus stuff is in-tents. Hahahahahahaha. Sorry. Moving on... okay, I am dreading asking this question... are the animals and creatures you have real?

Karling: Yes, they are very real. It's almost a full time job just trying to feed them all.

Me: Do you name them?

Karling: Yes, everyone is named, although they can be a little generic sometimes. The rats we just call the "kitchen rats" because they live on top of the fridge. They get lots of tidbits that way, too.

Me: Is it expensive to feed them?

Karling: It can be quite expensive. Snakes don't eat all the time, but we have a pixie frog that eats constantly. And a flower horn fish called CHUD who also eats constantly.

Me: I have a betta fish named Finn. That's how far I'll go. You do have a cute cat though. What's her name?

Karling: That would be StarBaby. But an interesting story. We had a beautiful siamese kitten that went missing 3 years ago. We think she was stolen. We searched and searched for her but she was totally gone. Anyway, Just a week or so ago we got a call while we were bringing stuff into our Mexican place, and I almost didn't pick up the phone. I did however, and it was the AVID chip people. They had found Lily our kitten. We drove all the way back to L.A., and picked her up. What a reunion it was, too!! She remembered us instantly and went into a purring and rubbing fit.

Me: That's crazy! Okay, you have a boyfriend now and he has a cool name... Johnny Tong. I hope he doesn't mind your creatures. Is he a musician?

Karling: He is learning guitar, but he's much more of a visual person. He's in charge of costumes, and set design, choreography, magic illusions, etc.

Me: Okay, let's talk about your new EP real quick, Karling. By the way, I always loved your name... it's very original. Does it have a meaning? I am sure I asked you that before.

Karling: Thank you. Strangely enough I was named after an American lady who was my mothers friend. I thought there would be plenty of Karlings in the U.S.A., but when I got here, I couldn't find any. As for a meaning, I don't know. There is a very famous beer in England called Carling Black Label. So I got teased about that growing up...

Me: When I think of your name I think of that beer as well. You have a new EP out called "Curse On Me" and it's by your new band Karling & the Kadavers. That's a great name. Who are the Kadavers, Karling?

Karling: Right now, it's a rotating set of musicians. We're trying to mold this into something rather different. Much more theatrical. I think it's wasted stage time to only stand there and play. There's a lot more that can be done with all the senses, not just sound. I want people to walk away really WOWED!

Me: Are they guys you worked with before?

Karling: We recorded the EP at Funeral Studios. It's owned by a great bass player called Gator. He played bass and some guitar. Fuse and Wats played lead guitar and Bermuda Schwartz played drums. We had a great time recording.

Me: So, describe your new music to the readers... I really like it. You are very creative with your sound.

Karling: Thank you. I really wanted to paint dark stories for the listener, yet keeping it very psychobilly and upbeat. It's a great juxtapose to tell a dark story to upbeat music. I really enjoy it.

Me: Did you write the songs on the EP?

Karling: Yes, I wrote them.

Me: Are you and the band coming out with more music?

Karling: For sure. After living in in Mexico for a while I think I'll have a lot of good tales to tell.

Me: One of the songs on the EP is "Ruby." Who is that song about?

Karling: It's about a woman who becomes a vampire. She starts off very bored with her man and the boondocks where she lives so she leaves home. But on that night as she passes the graveyard, there's a vampire waiting for her.

Me: I like the artwork on the EP cover, which I will show here.

Me: Who drew that, Karling?

Karling: Thank you. Yes I think it captured the essence of the EP. It's by an artist called Screamin' Demons in England.

Me: Okay, let's talk about your book "The Fly King" which is the 63rd book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club. Like I said I don't like scary things but I still read the book, and I made sure I read it in the day time. I'm a pussy. It was well written, and did scare me a few times. How long did it take you to write, Karling?

Karling: I wrote it over a spread out period of time, so it's hard to tell. It took about a year to edit though!

Me: Tell the readers what the book is about.

Karling: It's about Rachel and her brother, and how they are intertwined with the Fly King. I don't want to give away the plot, but I will say that it's a pretty epic horror story. It's not all blood and gore. I believe it's more subtle and character driven, but scary in a deeper way. There's still a lot of blood in it though, LOL.

Me: So, are any of the characters... Rachel, Gavin, Magdalena based on real people?

Karling: Yes, they are all based loosely on people I know.

Me: How did you come up with the character names, Karling? Magdalena is a very unusual name.

Karling: I always likes that name. I knew a German lady with that name, and since this character was born in Germany, it worked perfectly.

Me: So, when you write a novel, do you sit down and know what you're gonna write right away or do you sit and then see where the story takes you?

Karling: I might plan out some aspects but not much. I prefer to see if I can channel it... it usually comes out better than something I could plan out.

Me: I have to write an outline for everything I write for this blog. So, when and how did you come up with the idea for "The Fly King"?

Karling: I actually spent about 6 months in Klickitat, Washington, which is where the story is based and where I wrote a great portion of the book. I was there with my engineer and partner Donnie Whitbeck mixing an album we had recorded. We used an old school bus as a studio that was right next to the river. Just like in the book. So a lot of it came from the strange situation I found myself in. The cabin we stayed in was initially full of flies. I was left alone a lot of the time while he was mixing the CD (Room 13) and felt inspired to write. So it just kinda came out of me...

Me: So, do you have any other books in mind? Will they'll be more "The Fly King" books?

Karling: Right now Johnny and I are writing a screenplay. It's going to be fantastic. I'm very excited about it. It's not a horror, but it's a true story about a female medical genius who was top of a controversial field of medicine and destroyed by the medical association. I can't give away too much yet, but it's a true little known story.

Me: Cool. So, can you see the book being turned into a movie? Would you act in it?

Karling: I can totally see "The Fly King" being a movie. I'd like to act in it if it was done independently, but if Winona Ryder wanted the part, it's hers! LOL.

Me: Do you picture in your head who you would cast for the characters?

Karling: Winona for Rachel, the rest I'm not sure. I think there's many actors that would get a kick out of playing these characters. Glenn Close would be great as Magdalena.

Me: This was your first novel, right? One thing I was impressed about was his thick the book is... that's pretty impressive.

Karling: Thanks. I got very involved in it...

Me: Hey, I interviewed someone you know a few times... drummer Bermuda Schwartz. How did you meet him, Karling?

Karling: I met him through a mutual guitar player friend Bob Gother.

Me: Alright, so, what's next for you, Karling? Anything cool lined up?

Karling: We are going to be doing an east coast book tour to promote "The Fly King" through October. I'm very excited about that I love the east coast in the fall.

Me: You need to visit Florida with Johnny and we'll go to Disney. Do you like to travel?

Karling: Yes, I love to travel. I've traveled all my life, and Johnny loves it too, so we'll be all over the place. Mexico is just the start.

Me: Alright, go ahead and plug your websites and anything else you wanna. I wish you lots of luck and I hope you'll come back on the Phile soon. Keep being creative, my dear. 

Karling: Thank you, Jason!,,

Me: Good job, Karling. Take care.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Karling for a great interview. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Phile Alum Desert Tundra. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

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