Sunday, January 15, 2017

Pheaturing Minihorse

Shame on Donald Trump for not using American prostitutes for his golden showers. Morning, welcome to the Phile for a Sunday. How are you?
Last Tuesday, CNN reported that President Obama and President-elect Donald Trump were given a two-page dossier detailing findings that Russia has "compromising personal and financial information" about Trump. Meaning, they have shit on him they could, conceivably, threaten to use against him. Buzzfeed went ahead and posted the entire document online and it's definitely questionable... it's unverified (LOL, good luck verifying this stuff), highly salacious, and even contains spelling errors (which, presumably, official government documents should not contain). Supposedly, the report was prepared for Trump opponents by a former British intelligence agent.
One tidbit of information that stands out is an item claiming that President-elect Donald Trump rented out the presidential suite at Moscow's Ritz Carlton Hotel... the same room that President and Mrs. Obama (both of whom he's not super fond of) stayed in, and then hired sex workers for "golden showers," or peeing for sexual gratification, in front of him. The report could very well be bogus, so there's a heaping pile of "allegedlys" here. So, do we call him the PEEOTUS? Sorry, I couldn't resist. So, that's what trickle down economics is about.
Well, it looks like Donald Trump has finally booked an act for his inauguration, but it's not quite the A-list entertainer the President-elect was hoping for. According to the event's invitation, Trump managed to snag a Bruce Springsteen cover band to play the N.J. inauguration on January 19th.
The Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street cover band, cleverly named the B-Street Band, will be playing the ball, because if you can't get the real thing, you get the knock off. Looks like cover bands are not only for block parties and bar mitzvahs anymore! The invitation for the event is as follows, "Be prepared for a spectacular evening as we capture the fun and romance of the Jersey Shore with dancing in the Presidential Ballroom to the B-Street Band, the #1 Springsteen tribute band, serve hot and hearty nostalgic delights at our ‘Boardwalk Cafe Buffet,' offer you an open bar and entertain you with Jersey Shore boardwalk amusement games in the ‘Fun Zone' to the tune of Jersey's music legends from Frank Sinatra to the Four Seasons to Lauryn Hill." Hopefully they will play all the hits to the future President's liking, like "Born in the USA but Made in China," "Highway Patrolman loves to Stop and Frisk" and "Born to Run this Country into the Ground."
Here's a crazy story... Some brave souls boarded flight 666 to HEL on Friday the 13th.
Hopefully none of the passengers on Finnair Flight 666 are superstitious. The plane departed from Copenhagen and went straight to HEL (that's Helsinki, Finland) on Friday, January 13th. SO SPOOKY. To make things even more spooky, the plane took off around 1pm (the 13th hour) and is a 13-year-old aircraft, according to Flightradar24. Does this sound like the elaborate plot of a Disney World ride that only has an elaborate plot so that there's something to entertain you while you're standing in line for hours on end to anyone else? Just me? Come on! This is totally the plane version of Tower of Terror, you guys. Anyway, no one died or was inexplicably thrust into a void of darkness. Flight 666 made its safe arrival in HEL around 2:41pm on Friday the 13th of January. I'm sure Satan was there to greet everyone at baggage claim.
You won't be able to see Carrie Fisher in new Star Wars movies after this year. The rumors about the star being digitally recreated had become so prevalent that Lucasfilm made an official statement on the topic on Friday on "We don’t normally respond to fan or press speculation, but there is a rumor circulating that we would like to address," the statement reads. "We want to assure our fans that Lucasfilm has no plans to digitally recreate Carrie Fisher’s performance as Princess or General Leia Organa." The technology has already been used to recreate young Princess Leia for the latest film, Rogue One, and Grand Moff Tarkin, played by the late Peter Cushing, who died in 1994. Digital recreation is most easily done when an actor is still alive, as was the case with Fisher's character in Rogue One, and is limited to less detailed shots that don't closely show the character's face when created without a living character to work from, according to "Entertainment Weekly". Lucasfilm's decision to recreate Peter Cushing posthumously in several movies indicates that it's something the film production company had no moral issues with previously. Perhaps with Fisher, whose death has been deeply mourned since she passed away one day before her mother, Debbie Reynolds, in late December, it feels like a more sensitive case. While some fans might clamor for any continuation of the Star Wars franchise they know and love, Lucasfilm has decided they'd rather not play God and resurrect Leia, which would have likely placated some fans while deeply upsetting others. That being said, the writers will now either have to recast the role (which you can be sure will have diehard fans up in arms no matter who they pick) or write Leia out of the scripts. "Entertainment Weekly" also reported that while Fisher has already filmed her parts for Episode XIII, slated to come out later this year, some changes will have to be made to the Episode IX script because of Fisher's death." Carrie Fisher was, is, and always will be a part of the Lucasfilm family," Lucasfilm closed their statement. "She was our princess, our general, and more importantly, our friend. We are still hurting from her loss. We cherish her memory and legacy as Princess Leia, and will always strive to honor everything she gave to Star Wars."
ICYMI: the forecast has been non-stop golden showers all week, ever since Buzzfeed published an "unsubstantiated report" that our President-elect once paid Russian prostitutes to pee in front of him. If that thought makes you lose your appetite, maybe this will help restore it...

MMMM nom nom nom.The burger is a creation of DC-area restaurant Community and is "topped with a tiny pickle." It also comes with a "happy ending" glazed donut. And if you're not sold already, $5 of each $20 burger will be donated to Planned Parenthood. Without having tasted it, I'm giving this burger five (golden) stars. It may not change the fact that Trump, who may or may not be into "watersports," will be President in a week. But at least shoveling trans-fats into your pie-hole can help you temporarily forget.
Hey, HBO is already doing out with a movie about Trump!

Too bad I don't have HBO. Did you see Obama surprised Joe Biden with the presidential version of a BFF charm bracelet, the Medal of Freedom, because apparently the Obamas love to make everyone cry. I thought it was so sweet...

See? So, the Chargers announced they are moving to Los Angeles and they have a brand new logo.

The Sacramento Kings basketball team also has a new logo...

And the Dallas Stars hockey team also changed their logo...

Do you know what is gonna happen in the future?

That's so stupid... that's as stupid as this...

So, I have been telling you in the last few entries there's a few different Trump
doppelgängers out there. Like this pumpkin pie...

 Trump or "suffering" pie... which is which? Hahaha. By the way, if you survived the Florida winter you should get this poster...

I survived. Hahaha. Okay, now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...

Top Phive Signs That The "Golden Shower" Report is Phalse
5. Trump says that it didn't happen, and he always tells the truth.
4. His campaign slogan was "Make America Great Again," not "Make America #1 Again."
3. He would've boasted about it to Billy Bush.
2. Everyone knows that his real fetish is shitting on the Constitution.
And the number one sign that the "golden shower" report is false is...
1. He's more of a Rusty Trombone sort of guy.

That's kind a lame... oh, well. If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Alright, so, you know I live in Florida, right? Well, there's some weird shit that happens in Florida that happens no where else in the universe. That's any I have a pheature called...

A few days ago a Miami Uber driver under the Facebook name Mikebilly So-Focused live streamed as he was taken hostage by bomb-wielding passenger "Enrique" to assist in a bank robbery. "Maybe what I'm saying will get me killed." Elite Daily reports that at around 5pm, the Uber driver started live streaming with the caption “omg 911 i need help.” The live stream begins with Enrique, a bald man in a grey sport coat and jeans, attempting to take hostage a Navy Federal bank employee in Brickell, Florida. She sternly refuses, "I'm not allowed to do that. " Apparently, this is a "Robin Hood" mission, and we can hear Enrique promise to surrender once he has given the stolen money to poor people. Later in the video, the driver faces the camera and explains his situation. "So I'm riding with Enrique. He's got a bomb. He's got me riding around with him." Seemingly unconcerned by this live stream, we can hear Enrique rambling in the background, "Let's not kill innocent civilians." The driver asks Enrique to show the bomb to the camera, but instead Enrique shows off the pilfered cash in a pink envelope and mutters something about syncing up the bomb code. "What does the clock say on that thing, bro?" Enrique's explanation of the bomb is unintelligible, but the driver attempts to explain. "So he has a bomb, its got a timer," the driver says. "Apparently he has to call it every freakin by the hour. If he doesn't it explode in a five block radius." The video ends with Enrique explaining his politically motivated rational, including concern over Russian interference with the U.S., and finished bytheorizing, "Maybe what I'm saying will get me killed." A spokesman for Miami Beach Police Department, Officer Ernesto Rodriguez, stated, “The FBI may be filing charges today, but they’re handling this investigation so we don’t have any more information.”

Okay, so, something sad was announced yesterday apparently that I don't know about as I haven't watched the news yet, but a friend of the Phile has something to say about it. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. You know what time it is...

Ladies aaaaaaaand Gentlemen... Children of all ages! After 146 years of wowing audiences worldwide, Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus will be closing down for good. Citing higher operating costs, low attendance and increasing pressure from animal rights groups... the owners of The Greatest Show on Earth announced yesterday that they will closing down for good after the May 21st performance at New York's Nassau Coliseum. I have mixed feelings on this. On the one hand, I think of how future generations of children will never experience the wide eyed wonder of being at the circus. On the other hand, I can remember how sad I was as a small boy seeing with my own eyes backstage how the animals were being treated. Several other factors come into play here as well in the aftermath of the circus shutting down. Scores of performers, trainers, movers and staff who will now be out of work. Unemployed clowns, jugglers and trapeze artists wandering the streets panhandling. Kids will never again know the feeling of telling their parents that they're going to "Run away and join the circus." The times they are a changin'...

Buddy Greco 
August 14th, 1926 — January 10th, 2017
From Atlanta to Goodbye.

Buzzfeed is 9,724,103 lists that will destroy your faith in humanity.

The 35th artist to be pheatured in the Phile's Art Gallert is Thom Solo and this is one of his pieces...

Batman '66! Thom will be a guest on the Phile in a few weeks.

Today's guests are the three guys that make up the band Minihorse whose new EP "Big Lack" is available on iTunes right now. Please welcome to the Phile from Minihorse... Ben Collins, Christian Anderson and John Fossum.

Me: Hey, guys, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Ben: We are well! Actually, as we were starting this interview we were pulled over by the fuzz. Our excuse was "Sorry, sir. We got stuck on trying to answer the question 'How are you?'"

Me: Haha. Okay, I have to ask where did the band name come from? I know there's a story there.

Ben: We used to see this guy named Mr. Noise wandering around Ypsilanti a lot. You'd say, "Hi, Mr. Noise!" to him and he'd only ever say "I'm on hi-res." back.

Me: Huh? Moving on... When I first heard the name it reminded me of this TV movie I saw when I was a kid about this little boy who had a horse plush and one night it came alive and spoke to him from the end of his bed. It scared the shit out of me and gave me nightmares. I would ask you guys if you ever saw that film, but I doubt you were alive then. You all seem so young... especially you, Ben. How old are you guys?

Ben: We're younger than you think. The film you mentioned is Unico In The Island Of Magic. The creature is the terrifying Trojan Horse who yells.

Me: Let me see...

Me: That's not it. The film I was thinking about was life action and made in the 70s. And it was a horse, not a unicorn. Anyway, how long has Minihorse been a band?

Christian: Exactly almost two years to the day, give or take a few days. We played our first show in the upside down of the 8-Ball in Ann Arbor.

Me: Ben, you founded the band, am I right?

Ben: Yeah, in a dumpster. Oh found-ED. Various songs had been written and recoded over the last few years. John and Christian heard them and wanted to make them tangible.

Me: John, where are you guys from?

John: Michigan. Ben is from the south, Christian is from the west, and I'm from the north beyond the wall.

Me: What's the music scene like there?

Ben: For the sake of hyperbole, we tell people we're from Ypsilanti, which we are, and we play with Congress and Loose Teeth and Child Sleep sometimes. But because of our tour we've mostly been spending a ton of time with the sexy bands on our label, Imaginary Tricks and Tess & Dave.

Me: Did you all know each other prior the band?

Christian: Yeah! We met nearly a decade ago when our two former bands played a series of nearly forgettable shows together. But someone remembered and here were are.

Me: You kids remind me of early Dinosaur Jr. Do you guys know that band?

Christian: Sounds familiar.

Me: What the fuck? I'm old. What bands were you guys into growing up?

Ben: Besides Dinosaur Jr., we jammed the Beatles, Lemonheads, Elliott Smith, Ink Spots.

Me: Ha. I always liked three piece bands... you guys sound like a bigger band though. I think it's the fuzziness of the guitars. Did you guys set out to be just a three member band?

John: We did. You can do anything while you're recording, but there is something special about seeing a power trio perform live. There is no excess; everything is immediate and purposeful, and although it may sound contradictory, it leaves more room for sonic exploration.

Me: Let's talk about the new EP "Big Lack." Where did that title come from?

Christian: It's just kind of a general feeling that Ben has. That's what they call him.

Me: This is Minihorse's first release, right?

Ben: Maybe yes no. We self-released an EP called "More Time" in April, which lead us to our current healthy and meaningful relationship with Friendship Fever. And they're releasing "Big Lack."

Me: I thought the single and video "Drink You Dry" is pretty cool. I am guessing that song has a deep meaning, but I could be wrong. Who does the writing in the band?

Christian: Thanks! The video was done rather quickly but everyone is pleased with it. Part of the fun of creating and performing songs is the ambiguity that we get to embrace and impart. There is a deeper meaning, though, and yours is really close.

Me: I have to ask you about the EP cover... who did that pairing and what is it? I thought it was Van Gogh. Hahaha. Maybe I have a wild imagination.

Ben: That painting was done by Jim Cherewick (Instagram = @gymsee) who isn't related to Van Gogh but we saw him picking at his ear the other day.

Me: So, you kids are going on tour, right? Do you guys like touring?

John: We're writing to you from the black mountain hills of Dakota! This is our first feature-length tour and it's only gotten better with each show. We do miss our cats.

Me: What's a Minihorse show like?

Ben: They make people wish they were there. And they are!

Me: You guys are already working on a full length album... how different is that gonna be from the EP?

Christian: It's likely going to continue the "Big Lack" theme, but with fresh songs. It's possible that none of them have even been written yet, and are murking somewhere in the back of Ben's lurky subconscious.

Me: Will you guys come back when it comes out?

Ben: Of course! We'll come back bigger and lackier than ever.

Me: Cool. Go ahead and mention your websites and anything else you wanna. I wish you lots of luck, and continued success. I hope this was a fun interview, fellas. Be good.

Ben: Cool! Thanks for taking an interest in our band. Hopefully we'll get to meet you sometime at a show. We have a .com at Later!

Shit. I wish I remembered the name of that movie when I was a kid. It was an ABC After School Special movie I think... this boys plush horse came to life and was talking to him. One day I'll find out what it was. Anyway, that about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Laird Jim and the guys from Minihorse. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Matt Carlson from Wild Domestic. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

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