Sunday, May 29, 2016

Pheaturing Mike Bloom

Hey there, welcome to the Peverett Phile: Apocalyspse. Haha. It's Sunday. How are you? Sorry you need to use an extra vacation day for all the time you'll be spending in holiday traffic. A great way to avoid Memorial Day weekend traffic is to avoid leaving the house on Memorial Day weekend. Okay, lets talk about Chewbacca mom and get done with it... until the Top Phive List. It's been a busy week for Candace Payne aka Chewbacca mom, who catapulted into Internet fame after a video of her laughing hysterically while wearing a talking Chewbacca mask for like three hours straight went cuckoo bananas viral. The 37-year-old Star Wars fan was on "Good Morning America," got to drive around with James Corden and J.J. Abrams, and visit the Facebook headquarters where she met the real Chewbacca (he's real, right?). And now she's reached another milestone in ultimate fandom... she got invited to the Lucasfilm HQ in San Francisco. Payne took a studio tour, and then sat down to talk to Andi Gutierrez on "The Star Wars Show," which is filmed at Lucasfilm. When asked what she thought of the tour, Payne responded: "Lucasfilm has done something remarkable where it's brought story into sci-fi, and it makes me drawn to it on a heart level." Okay, that's great and all, but the Internet has now reached the Chewbacca mom saturation point. There's really only one thing left for her to do... time to introduce Chewbacca mom to the hydraulic press.
Jenna Vecchio​ hit up the Movati Athletic Club​ in Ottawa, Canada over the weekend in a black tank top and grey leggings... also known as gym attire. Despite her perfectly banal gym wear, Vecchio received word from a female supervisor that her top was "inappropriate" and "offensive." The supervisor gave Vecchio​ the option of finishing her workout in a t-shirt, Metro News reported. Vecchio decided she didn't need that bullshit so she went home and got on Facebook. Vecchio provided some various angles so it could be understood that she was wearing that same type of tank top every chick wears to the gym.

Vecchio has boobs. Get over it. As if a t-shirt would make them disappear. Vecchio did her research, proving that this supervisor is obviously jealous of Vecchio's sweet rack. Vecchio not only touched base with other gym-goers, she provided visual evidence that this gym is being boobist. After the shit hit the fan with this one, the gym spoke again with BuzzFeed, insisting that Vecchio's outfit "was not as modest as she has suggested via the images she shared recently on Facebook and through media interviews, and caused multiple members to feel uncomfortable and voice their concerns to our staff." The gym said Vecchio "dressed inconsistently with our code of conduct" and her outfit had a "lack of coverage." Serious question: are the people who complained recently out of a fallout shelter, à la Blast from the Past? Or are they simply offended by women working out and don't understand that boob sweat is a serious discomfort that tank tops partially solve. By the way, I don't know what boob sweat feels like. Or do I? Moving on...
Stephen Dwyer​ survived leukemia​, but was unable to overcome his pedantic high school administration. Dwyer, his year's class president, spent what should have been his high school graduation watching from the stands because, as "Teen Vogue" reported​, he was 2.5 credits shy of receiving a diploma. Instead, Dwyer gets to walk next year at his Arizona school, with a bunch of kids he doesn't know. The reason behind the kerfluffle is that during his junior year, Dwyer underwent intensive treatment for leukemia, and subsequently was too preoccupied with his fighting for his life to sit in algebra class. Despite attending no classes at his Arizona high school, Dwyer was still elected senior class president. The kid is well-liked as well as eloquent and hardworking, but in the end, though, the school didn't relent. Dwyer chilled in the stands while his friends graduated. The sole concession they gave him was letting Dwyer go onto the field post-ceremony and pose in a cap and gown. Not quite the same thing as sitting in the gown and becoming incredibly bored with your fellow students. That's a rite of passage he was denied.
Time Out: Screech is back in jail. According to The Associated Press, Dustin Diamond, who played Screech on "Saved by the Bell," has landed himself back in jail on Wednesday, this time for violating the terms of his parole. Previously, Diamond did time at the Ozaukee County jail in Wisconsin for disorderly conduct and concealed-weapon convictions and was released just last month. He also found himself behind bars back in 2014 for stabbing a man in a bar fight. The latest arrest comes just days after an interview for "Extra!" with his former cast mate Mario Lopez where he said, "I want to put the tomfoolery and malarkey behind me… for that clean slate. Time for a change." Whoops. Diamond has really gone "full-sleaze" since his days at Bayside High, and has even directed and released his own sex tape back in 2006 with the classy and off-putting title, "Screeched—Saved by the Smell." He later admitted that he used a fake penis for the taping. He also released a book bashing his former "Saved by the Bell" co-stars, further alienating himself from them and the industry. Who knew that Screech would become the real bad boy of the "Saved by the Bell" cast? Well, "bad boy" meaning a hot mess of a former teen star who has really screwed up his life, not in the sexy and dangerous way. Obviously.
A very evil man named Antley Lamont Staten posted this brain teaser onto Facebook earlier this month that has totally frustrated the Internet. If you can't figure out what is wrong with the problem right away, you will be so mad at yourself when you finally do.

So far, the riddle has been shared over 385,000 times. Have you figured it out yet? You are going to feel really stupid when you are finally told the answer. Do you want to know? Really? You really want to be told what the answer is? Are you sure? Fine. Here it is.

Yep. So many people were focused on the numbers that they completely ignored the letters on the sign, where "mistake" was spelled incorrectly. It does make since that the "mitsake" was overlooked, since the brain can sitll raed wrods eevn wehn the lterts are siwthecd aurond, so don't feel bad. Feel good that your brain is doing its job right.
Hey, kids, have you heard of the company Activation? I'm sure you have. Anyway, I thought their slogan was kinda weird...

Hmmm. By the way, this is not me...

Just saying. Do you kids have a Fitbit? I still think of getting one, especially since they have badges now for lazy people.

So, I;m sure you saw the movie Captain America: Civil War by now. There was one scene that kinda had me confused...

Hmmmm. If there's one you might not know about me is that I don't like breaking rules... unlike this guy...

Don't use that knife! It's so hot in Florida recently people are doing this...

Stay classy, Florida. And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York here is this week's...

Top Phive Overheard Outside Of Chewbacca Mom's Car
5. She won't be laughing when Social Services shows up to take her kids!
4. That's nothing. Two spots over, there's a guy in a Kylo Ren mask crying hysterically!
3. Hi, I think you're my Uber... uh... never mind.
2. Sadly, she can't stop laughing because of the fumes from that cheap-ass mask!
And the number one thing overheard outside of Chewbacca mom's car...
1. Clearly imbalanced AND the owner of a hard-to-get Chewbacca mask? I'm in love!

If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. So, a lot of you have been asking how Laird Jim is. Well, let's see. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. You know what it is...

Good afternoon, humans... had a rather interesting evening. I left work early to get a jump on the holiday weekend rush. Hopped a train out east to visit my dog, my youngest son and his mother. Had a situation. Chinese food with Michael and Hemi, I even bought dinner for my ex-wife. She asked if I could do her a favor, I answered with... "I'm NOT getting you pregnant, one last time before your eggs go sour." Somehow, she didn't think that was very funny. Turns out, she wanted me to change the locks. I asked why... but she wouldn't say (I'll get it out of either Michael or Hemi, later on).  After dinner, some laughs and a bit of handyman work I had my ex drop me at the train station to head home. My plan was to get off at my stop and have a pint at the local pub before walking home. I had two pints and a shot THEN walked back to the train station. Hopped a westbound to Penn and figured I'd walk around for a bit. At first, it was peaceful... just a train full of drunken twenty-somethings on their way to party in the Big Apple... then, my attention was drawn to this couple sitting in front of me. Him... bald with several scary tattoos on his neck and a cocaine nose that would make Rudolph envious. Her.... meek but sexy, looked like she'd been crying recently. He was yelling something about how he KNOWS she's got more money than that on her and he's not gonna spend all of HIS money on HER. Whatever... not my circus, not my monkeys. However, once he started threatening to "smash her face and take her money" I figured I'd see how this panned out... I.E. Target acquired. The train pulled into Penn and everyone stumbled to the street. I followed these two from a safe distance to keep an eye on him... he didn't seem right in the head. I trailed them to West 38th street and watched as he began to shove her against a storefront doorway. He was calling her a useless slut and told her to get on her knees and suck his dick right there in the doorway. She said no and he backhanded her across the face. Target, locked in... Missiles, hot. When he drew back with a closed fist to punch her, I asked if he had a cigarette. He turned and said... "No... fuck off." I asked if SHE had a cigarette. When she smiled and reached into her purse... he shouted, "You won't suck my dick... but you'll give him a smoke? FUCK you!" Then, drew his fist back again to hit her in the face. I hooked his arm in my right elbow, put my hand on his shoulder and pulled upwards until he screamed in pain. I spun him around, placed him against the same door he had her wedged up against and put a ranger choke hold on his wind pipe. It was right about this time that I saw the reflection of flashing lights from an NYPD cruiser in the window. Two of New York's Finest stepped out and told me to put my hands up. Instead, I pulled up on his arm even harder 'til he screamed. I then heard the click of a safety being turned off and the words..."Hands UP... or you WILL end up in jail." Now... since my work here was pretty much finished and I had no desire to either be tazed OR hurt one of the young rookie officers... I opted for un-handing the bald prick and interlocking my fingers behind my head. She said thank you... He had what appeared to be a dislocated shoulder... The police checked my I.D., interviewed her and called him an ambulance. He then made the mistake of saying "You're a fucking cunt, this is all YOUR fault." She replied by saying, "You're the one who had to get all jacked up on coke, asshole." The cops searched him and found three packets of cocaine, a gravity knife and an outstanding warrant from a few years back for assault with a deadly weapon. They checked my I.D. for warrants, checked me for weapons then un-cuffed me. I asked her for that cigarette, flagged down a cab for her and left him to deal with being arrested for illegal possession of a dangerous weapon as well as that of a controlled substance... and the warrant. The younger of the two cops looked at me as I lit my smoke and said, "Beat it, Bruce Wayne... we got it from here." I walked back to Penn and hopped the next train back home. I must be getting old... Twenty years ago, that story would've ended with him on life support and me in jail.

Gone Girl
Gone Girl was a date movie for couples who don't want to make conversation on the way home.

The 48th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Laura will be a guest on the Phile next Monday.

Today's pheatured guest is is an American singer-songwriter, multi-instrumentalist who has played with artists such as Rilo Kiley and Jenny Lewis. His latest album "King of Circles" is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Mike Bloom.

Me: Hello, Mike, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Mike: Hi. I suppose you could say, in terms of human ascension, I'm somewhere between a hungry ghost and an animal... but hopefully headed in the right direction.

Me: You have a nickname which is Caveman. Where did that nickname come from?

Mike: It came from an early song of mine in which I refer to myself as... well, a caveman... though, as often is the case, life imitates art and the circle keeps going around... for instance, I spent a lot of time in my closet, which served as my makeshift studio for a while... I've since stepped it up to a full room.

Me: I have to ask you about Rilo Kelly and Jenny Lewis, you have been working with them for awhile. How did you meet up?

Mike: I knew Blake (of Rilo Kiley) first. He was friends with my older brother. One day he saw me in my cave, scrawling some primitive symbols upon my cave walls, and it was love at first sight, almost primal you could say. From there, we started banging away on crude noisemakers as it were. We didn't realize it at first, but this was to become The Elected. We are now 3 albums deep with that project. Rilo Kiley happened for me as a next logical step, since they were looking for a guy who could club the hell out of potential predators, and who could fill in some musical gaps to emulate the bigger sound on their record.

Me: Mike, you play a lot of instruments. How many exactly and what do you play?

Mike: Well, I honestly don't know. Certainly anything with strings holds a particular allure for me (guitar, lap steel, dulcimer, etc). I'm sure most musicians can relate to this idea of picking up whatever instruments you can when you're writing and recording music and no one else is around. Guitar is my main thing, as I was attracted to it before anything else (except maybe Wonder Woman). Over the years, the more you do this, the more adept you become at being able to not only imitate your idols, but maybe even develop your own personality and touch. On my record, I play a lot of instruments because I had a lot of ideas and not enough time to wait around for help. It was especially fun to dig into some bass playing and a little drumming.

Me: What was the first instrument you started to play? Ever play the kazoo?

Mike: I had a toy guitar I used to bend the strings on when I was a wee lad. I always loved the guitar. If you consider the kazoo an instrument, though, that really opens things up (blades of grass, utensils, etc.)

Me: When you tour with Rilo Kelly, what do you play?

Mike: Well, Rilo Kiley hasn't toured in some time. However, when I did tour with them, I played guitar, keys, and blues harp mostly... sang a little bit as well.

Me: Most Phile readers know you probably from the band The Elected. The Elected released an album as well as your solo release. Were they recorded about the same time?

Mike: Well, they were finished around the same time. However, I started mine quite a bit before The Elected record. It's hard to say exactly how long it took because I was in and out of town quite a lot touring with different people.

Me: Let's talk about your solo release first, Mike. I downloaded "The King of Circles" from iTunes and really liked the album. Is this your first solo project?

Mike: It is my first official full length record, yes. I've been recording music for a long time and playing shows in the solo format, with various EP.'s and things. Seemed long overdue that I officially put something out and get out of that aforementioned cave with my songs.

Me: Did you write all the songs on it, sir?

Mike: I did, though one is a co-write with Jenny Lewis, and Blake helped me finish another one.

Me: Who plays on the album with you?

Mike: Definitely had some great players come in sporadically throughout the process. It's all in the liner notes, and I'd hate to mention some and leave others out. However, a few stick out in this moment. Jason Boesel on some drums, Brett Simons played a little upright bass, Adam Macdougall played some beautifully trippy keyboard parts, Andrea Babinski is a super talented musician who played a lot of the string stuff on the record, some of which was arranged by Nate Walcott. Blake sang on one. So that's a few. Sorry everybody else... I love you.

Me: I also downloaded The Elected's album "Bury Me In My Rings." What a morbid album title. Where did that title come from?

Mike: That's more a question for Blake. It has to do with an actual story of a woman who was buried with her daughter's inheritance around her fingers basically... torturing her beyond the veil.

Me: For those that don't know, who is in The Elected?

Mike: Sort of a rotating cast of characters. Outside of Blake and myself, no one else has played every Elected show or been on every record necessarily. Currently, we're on tour with Daniel Brummel and Dre Babinski. I think this particular lineup is one of my favorites yet. We're all on instruments that we don't normally play, so it's been a lot of fun.

Me: Mike, you and the other guys from your band are so busy, performing with Rilo Kelly as well as your own projects. You also are in Julian Casablanca's band as well. He's from The Strokes, right?

Mike: He does have a small side project he calls The Strokes. They're hoping to get someone to pay attention to them someday. I guess we'll see. Yeah, Julian's an awesome guy and it's a true pleasure and honor to play with him. We're currently working on the writing for the next record together, as a band. I'm really excited about that.

Me: What do you do in that band?

Mike: So far, for a change, I only play guitar... and I love that! I get to play in a way most of my other projects don't allow me to, given the genre and nature of where they're coming from.

Me: Mike, do you prefer working by yourself on your own projects or working with different people and bands?

Mike: I've worked by myself so much that I really value the opportunities to work with others these days. Though, I still have to force myself to reach out sometimes, because it's never really been my default mode to do so. I've got so many talented friends I'd be really doing myself a disservice to not make music with them whenever possible. Sometimes, though, I find myself a bit of a chameleon coming in and out of different projects as often as I have been lately... it really keeps me on my toes. 

Me: If you could be in any band, what band would you want to be in? Foghat maybe?

Mike: That's about as classic rock as it gets. Besides Foghat then, I grew up loving Kiss. As embarrassing as that is, there's still a part of me that would do anything to play "Love Gun" with my Space Ace make-up on. For real though, Zeppelin maybe? But as Bonham.

Me: I have to ask you about your brothers, who are both actors. Did you try any acting?

Mike: I tried it a very little bit, but never really connected with it. Maybe that's a euphemism, though, for me not being very comfortable with it, or particularly good at it? I honestly just always loved music and gravitated to it so much more than anything else that there was never really a question, you know?

Me: Are they musical as well, and do you ever work together?

Mike: My brothers are musical, yes. Have no idea where it came from as no one in our family history, that we know of, had any real inclination towards it. I mean, my parents can hum a good melody and all, but... yeah, my oldest brother played guitar before I did. My other brother plays keys well. We mess around, but they'd rather play "Rock Band" these days. Still waiting for them to man up.

Me: Mike, you are a very busy man, sir, so I really you being here on the Phile. If any of your band mates like Ryland would like to be on the Phile, please let me know, I would love to have them. As well as Jenny, who I invited awhile back and was supposed to be here. Do you have a website you would like to plug?

Mike: There's this little site called You should check it out, I really think you'll love it!

Me: Haha. Thanks again, tell everybody I said hello, and please come back, sir.

Mike: My pleasure. Thank you.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Laird Jim... he's more of a man than I'll ever be... and Mike Bloom. The Phile will be back tomorrow with singer Diana Ebe. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker


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