Remember that night? The one that we drank... Uh... I don't remember... Haha. Hello there, welcome to the Phile. I am your host Jason, star of "Princess Long Island". "Princess Long Island"... the "Jersey Shore" for Jews. Haha. This is the last entry from Long Island. I had such a good time here, and it kicked my midlife crisis in gear. I love it here... I got to know the homeless people by names. Just kidding. I want to live here again, and do what every Long Islander does on weekends... see a movie, go bowling, or play pool. Speaking of movies, is it true that Commack movie theatre is haunted? I said yesterday my Long Island accent is coming back... no words end in 'er', they end in 'ah'. I have to tell you Long Islanders something, why do you live in the shadow of the greatest city in the world but you never go there? I was told that when you're away from the Island, you'll love it but when you're there you won't. Well, you know what? That's bullshit! I do love it! So, I was thinking about renting a car this trip instead of having people drive me around, but I don't know the exact exit point at which Queens turns into Nassau. I could not find that bridge to Connecticut. I fit right in here on Long Island. I can pronounce Islip, Wantagh, Commack, Mattituck, Shinnecock, Quogue, Ronkonkoma, Hauppauge, Mineola, Islandia, Massapequa, and Patchogue. I got to eat at a pizza joint, I had a dirty water hot dog, a deli, a bar-be-que place and had Italian food. Every Italian restaurant I passed here I kept thinking is this the restaurant Billy Joel sang about in "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant". You like Billy Joel, right? In Floirida if you don't work at Disney World you know someone who has. On Long Island, if you don't know Billy Joel, you know someone who does. I found out last night that Laird Jim knows him. Anyway, I think I had my L.I. food all covered. By the way, does every diner have a freakin' book for a menu? Tomorrow, people, I am going back to Florida, but let me tell you, your future you might end up in Florida. So, how many of you evaluated the meaning of the name Hicksville? In Florida you'd think we'd have a town called Hicksville... or Red Neckville. One thing that's different about Florida and Long Island... you have no interest in or knowledge of country music. I haven't talked about the Yankees at all since I have been here. Why is it that you wanted the Yankees to stay in the Bronx but you would probably go to more games if they moved to Manhattan? I have to mention your hero... Derek Jeter. How fitting that he ended his career with the Yankess playing baseball. I did so much when I was here, but I never took the MTA bus... but then again who on the Island has? When I lived here I never associated Fire Island with gay men. Have they always been there? We have a place in Orlando where you can see a lot of gay men as well... Walt Disney World. You know, there's one thing I have never done living on Long Island... and that's go clamming. That's a real thing, right? Back in my day clamming meant something different. Oh, man. Let's talk about other stuff that's not Long Island related for a minute. As if anything could possibly be more disturbing than a united collective of professional harlequins, the largest and most prestigious clown club in the country has publicly decried "American Horror Story's" new psychotic character, Twisty the Clown. The president of Clowns of America International issued a statement in which he stated, "We do not support in any way, shape or form any medium that sensationalizes or adds to coulrophobia or 'clown fear.'" I kind of see his point. They seem to be doing just fine on their own.
Clowns don't kill people, people dressed as clowns kill people. The Catholic Church is pulling a quick 180 on its statement that essentially amounted to saying that homosexuals are human beings who deserve a modicum of respect and acceptance from Christians. After coming under fire from conservative members of the faith for its slightly Christ-like level of tolerance, Church officials are now pointing out that that statement was part of a "working document" that can still be amended to excise anything resembling kindness. During a Facebook Q&A, U2 vocalist Bono issued a long-overdue apology for making every single person in the world extremely angry by giving people his music for free, whether they wanted it or not. "Oops. I'm sorry about that," he said, probably while wearing stupid colored sunglasses inside. "I had this beautiful idea and we got carried away with ourselves. Artists are prone to that kind of thing. Drop of megalomania, touch of generosity, dash of self-promotion, and deep fear that these songs that we poured our life into over the last few years mightn't be heard." I'm not as worried about Ebola as I am about Bono writing a song about Ebola. There's a lot of churches up here, but not as many as in Florida I think. The Nesconset Chriatian Church seems to be the place to go if you are looking for a sign.
So, there's this ship called the USS Long Island, did you know that? Take a look at this picture. An X-wing fighter is catwalk after a landing accident in July, 1942.
Okay, yes, we probably do have Jewish plumbers down there. I can't believe how cheap TV's are up here.
And they still sell black and white TV's? I mentioned the Commack movie theater earlier... I was gonna go there and see a movie, but they are a bit behind the times. And some of these movies I never heard of.
So, are you guys hockey fans? Did you see the Islanders inspirational poster?
They are not a bad team I don't think. One of the things I like to do when I have some spare time is to go on Twitter and look up certain words to see what people are talking about. Two of those words I look up are Port and Jeff and this is what I recently saw...
Okay, so, as you know I live in Florida. There's some crazy stuff that happens up here on the Island, but not as crazy with what happens down there. So, here's a feature I call...
This is the kind of story where you hope drugs were involved, because that would at least provide some excuse for a 19 year old who walked into a Walmart in Florida and jerked off on a stuffed horse. Police say Sean Johnson escorted a stuffed horse from a shelf in the toy section of the store to the bedding department where he used the horse to masturbate. I guess the bathroom would've been gross. After he finished the act, he put the semen-stained horse back where he found it. The store's Loss Prevention team spotted him acting suspiciously and called the cops who arrested Johnson in the parking lot. The Brony gone wild was charged with indecent exposure and criminal mischief, which sounds way better than "sex assault on a toy," and was released after posting a $1500 bond. The fact that he could come up with the money for bond makes you wonder why he didn't just buy the horse and take it home for sex like a (slightly more) normal weirdo. Maybe it's not about sex, but more the thrill of hunt, and the excitement of having your picture plastered all over the Internet.
Haha. If you spot the Mindphuck email me... So, I had a few emails and questions over the years on what my house looked like in Port Jeff. Well, we actually lived in Belle Terre which is above Port Jeff and I went by there to see it. This is it, kids.
My mum used to call it The House That Slow Ride Built. I also mentioned yesterday about the girl from Long Island News 12 and I had emails asking me to post a picture of her. So, here we are...
Her name is Elizabeth Hashagen. Maybe next time I come up here I could interview her. Oh, before I forget, here's the last of the pictures that you readers sent in.
Damn kids. Haha. Okay, it's Thursday and what we do every Thursday is talk football with my friends Jeff and Lori. So, once again it's...
Me: Hello, kids, welcome back to the Phile on Long Island. How are you?
Jeff: It's always good to be back on the Phile. We hope that you are enjoying your vacation back home to Long Island. Things are good here.
Me: I am having the best time ever. We always talk about the NFL, but we don't talk about college football. If we did what teams would you choose? What colleges?
Jeff: If I rooted for a college football team, I would root for the Colorado Buffalo. In the mid 90s several Steelers were drafted from Colorado, so I started to root for them as well. I don't really anymore. I'm not a fan of college football, but that would be my team.
Me: Okay, that's cool. Lori?
Lori: My grandfather played football for the University of Nebraska back in the 1940s, so I am and will always be a Cornhusker fan!
Me: I would have Stony Brook University's Seawolves. Have you heard of the Seawolves? They are pretty good, losing just three games this season and winning four games.
Jeff: Funny you should ask me if I know about Stony Brook. I am slightly aware of them in the fact that they are in the America East conference. Because my alma mater is also in the America East. But we don't have a football team, but they play each other in basketball.
Me: That's cool. Speaking of losing... Lori, Jeff, let's talk about the elephant in the room... the Giants getting their asses beat by 27. 27-0 to be precise. What the fuck?! Lori, you must be gloating.
Lori: Yes, the Eagles absolutely steamrolled the Giants. It's actually the first time in 18 years the Eagles have shutout an opponent and the last time was against...The New York Giants! But, no, I don't gloat. :D
Jeff: Yes, The Eagles trounced the the Giants this week by 27. It's not all Eli's fault. It's hard to complete a pass when there are defenders dragging you to the ground all game.
Me: Steamrolled, trounced, creamed, whipped, beat... man, it was bad. Any other NFL news, Jeff?
Jeff: There isn't any big news this week. A few season ending injuries, including Giants' receiver Victor Cruz. Seattle hasn't looked as good this season as they did last year. So that has been a major disappointment. But the season is still young. They are fully capable of turning it around and unleashing the Legion of Boom on the rest of the NFL.
Me: Lori, you didn't get to pick last week as you were at a wedding last week, but you do get one point for the Eagles winning which is good. Jeff, how did we do last week?
Jeff: Last week Lori got the only bonus point with her victory over the Giants. The Steelers just looked pathetic against the Browns and we have all ready covered what happened with New York vs Philadelphia. You each went 1-1, while I went 2-0 once again. I have 23 points, Jason has 17 points and Lori is at 15 points for the season.
Me: Okay, second place still. Let's do this weeks picks... I say Seattle will beat the Rams by 13 and the Packers will beat the Panthers by 7. What do you kids say?
Jeff: This week I am picking Cleveland by 7 over Jacksonville and New Orleans by 3 over the Lions.
Lori: I will pick the Bears by 3 and the Cardinals by 1.
Me: Alright, I will see you back here next Thursday.
Jeff: See you next week.
September 23, 1959 – October 14, 2014
Now starring in "I Buried Peña".
It's 9:28 am, 68° F here on Long Island and Kelly announced announce Kelly's first annual Christmas benefit concert, Miracle on Broadway at the Bridgestone Arena with special guests Reba McEntire, Trisha Yearwood, Garth Brooks, Ronnie Dunn, Kacey Musgraves, Hayley Williams, Charles Esten, Meghan Trainor and more! Tickets go on sale this Saturday, Oct. 18 at 10 am. For more details, visit bit.ly/kcmiracle.
Interesting day yesterday... Made a new friend of the daughter of Ray Charles... met my friend Jason for dinner and drinks. While we were speaking of the beautiful women I run around with, I showed him a picture of one of them on my phone and asked, "Do you like her? Good... then watch this." I called her on the speaker phone and told her to meet me at the hotel I was about to drop Jason off at for sex. She said, "Okay, sounds great, see you in twenty minutes or less." Yes... I ordered a girl like a pizza delivery. After that bit of debauchery, she went home... I went home... and poor Jason is wondering HOW the fuck to write about all of this. Anyway, I'm tired... a full day of work, drinking and talking about my crazy life with Jason... then that whole part with all the incredible sex kind of sapped whatever energy I had left... among OTHER things).
Yeah, that's pretty much what happened. Okay, today's pheatured guest is the lead singer for the popular Long Island band Young Rebel Goombas whose self-titled album is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Goomba Richie Saccente.
Me: Hello, Richie, welcome to the Phile, man. What's up?
Goomba Richie: Hey Jason, just enjoying the start of the weekend.
Me: I am so excited you guys are Long Island based. Where on Long Island?
Goomba Richie: Most of us live in the Huntington area except Uncle Bee who is in Coram.
Me: I grew up in Port Jefferson where I went to school and lived. Actually, I lived in Belle Terre, looking down at Port Jeff. Do you get out there often? Ever played there?
Goomba Richie: I love going to Port Jefferson in the summer time. We have played a few places there over the years but as a band we are currently not booked there...
Me: Have you lived on the Island all your life?
Goomba Richie: Myself and Goomba Cosmo are from Queens. I grew up in Hollis and he in Flushing. I moved to New Hyde Park around 1981 then Huntington in 1993. Although when you look on the map Queens is still on the same Island, just that no one in Queens or Brooklyn would ever admit that.
Me: Yeah, a lot of people don't know Queens and Brooklyn are a part of Long Island. Listening to your music, it does sound like you come from an Island, but a different island. You guys must be fans of Jimmy Buffett, right?
Goomba Richie: I love the tropical island feel but our Island is only tropical a few months a year. We are fans of Jimmy Buffet but I think for me Bob Marley is a bigger influence in my playing and writing.
Me: How would you describe your music?
Goomba Richie: Our music is best described as trop rock (tropical). It has tropical beats and just sort of makes you want to get to a beach.
Me: How many people, Richie, do you guys have in the band? You have two drummers, right? How does that work?
Goomba Richie: Our live band has five members. Guitar, bass, sax and two percussion players. The drums are set up like a split kit. Goomba Dave plays kick drum and congas along with wind chimes. Goomba Uncle Bee plays the snare drum along with different pieces of hand percussion, timbale and whatever he brings that day.
Me: Why don't you go ahead and tell the Phile readers who is in the band with you?
Goomba Richie: On our album we had myself on guitar and vocals, Goomba Cosmo Mallardi (my cousin) bass and vocals, Goomba Uncle Bee percussion and vocals, Goomba Randy Knudsen kick and congas and vocals and Richie Cannata on sax along with Bob Cassara on trombone. In our live band we have myself, Goomba Cosmo, Goomba Uncle Bee, along with Goomba Rob Cutts on sax and Goomba Dave Giacone on kick and congas. They will also be playing on the next Goomba album.
Me: Have you all played together for a long time?
Goomba Richie: I have been playing with Goomba Cosmo since we were kids. Goomba Uncle Bee and I have been playing together for about eighteen years now. Goomba Rob for about five years and Goomba Dave for about three years.
Me: I have to ask you about the name, Goombas is a very New Yorker word. For those that don't live there, tell them what it means.
Goomba Richie: In Italian families goomba is a family friend or relative. When Goomba Cosmo and I were growing up there was a relative from Italy, Goomba Raymond. He was a musical influence to us when we were young. When I got married Goomba Cosmo was my best man and we started calling each other Goomba. In each of our cell phones you will see a contact for Goomba. One night we were hanging out and came up with the name Young Rebel Goombas. We decided to use it when we started playing around locally and before we knew it we had an album using that name. I personally love the name.
Me: Are you guys rebels? None of you guys are young, right? I am not either, so don't feel too bad.
Goomba Richie: To answer the second part first none of us are young compared to most people trying to catch a break in music. I guess that would make us rebels though.
Me: I downloaded your self-titled album from iTunes and really liked it. I paid almost ten dollars for and then saw on your website you were selling it for once cent. Man, I should of checked first. How can you make money selling the album for just a penny?
Goomba Richie: We were selling the album for a few years then we decided to just get the music out there. We are proud of the album but figured it's better at this point to get as many people to hear it as possible. We are actually going to discontinue the free download in a few days but check anyway to see if it is still free. Oh, after expenses we didn't make much money selling it at ten bucks either.
Me: Richie Cannata who you mentioned played with Billy Joel, Elton, and the Beach Boys just to name a few. How did you guys get him? It's weird his name is similar to yours.
Goomba Richie: Jake Gorst is our main background guy. He basically wears many hats, writing, album graphics, pictures, videos and many other things. He had written an article on Richie Cannata and became friends with him. That sparked our album because Richie owns Cove City Sound Studios in Glen Cove which is where we recorded the album. So we asked Richie to play on it and he said yes. It was a great experience for all of us.
Me: Didn't you have all your families play on it as well?
Goomba Richie: We had a bunch of family and friends sing on the song "Sing A Long" That was a lot of fun.
Me: The album came out a few years ago, right? Are you planning on making another one?
Goomba Richie: Time flies, yes it did come out a few years ago. We are working up another album as we speak.
Me: Richie, congrats on winning an Emmy a few years ago. Did you guys get to go?
Goomba Richie: We did go, it was held at the Marriott Marquis on Broadway. It was one of the best nights of our lives, especially when they called our names as the winner. Looking forward to the Grammy awards someday. LOL.
Me: I should mention what it was for. It was for the soundtrack to a documentary called Farmboy. Was that done on Long Island as well?
Goomba Richie: The movie was directed by our good buddy Jake Gorst. He got us involved. Most of it was shot in Ithica, NY which is where it took place.
Me: Is Farmboy available on DVD? What was it about? A farmboy I am guessing.
Goomba Richie: Yes it is, you can find links on our website. It's about the contributions of H.E. Babcock to farming and many other things he helped change. Very interesting.
Me: I watched your videos, Richie. It looks like you had a good time making them. where were they filmed?
Goomba Richie: We had a great time filming them. They are mostly filmed in Long Island with the exception of "You Must Love Me" which was filmed in the desert in Palm Springs. We were green screened in.
Me: I imagine you do a lot of shows around New York, do you ever go on tour?
Goomba Richie: We do play a lot of shows in Long Island. We are playing a few times in Key West in November at MOTM which is a Jimmy Buffett Parrot head convention and then again in January at Margaritaville in Key West. We are hoping Jimmy will let us open for him some day.
Me: And I saw you guys have a campaign to get on Letterman's show. Forget it, you were on the Phile. I wish you luck with that though.
Goomba Richie: It's not an easy task to get on Letterman as we have found out. This is a very tough business to get anything done unless you know someone. I'm thinking it's probably too late for Oprah too.
Me: Yeah, her show is done. Richie, thanks so much for the interview and being here on the Phile. Go ahead and plug your website and how they can help getting you guys on the Letterman. I wish you lots of luck, and the next time I am up in Port Jeff I will try and see you guys in concert.
Goomba Richie: This has been fun, Jason, and thanks for having me. Our web site is youngrebelgoombas.com. You can email me at email@example.com and to get us on Letterman, well maybe someone out there knows someone who knows someone. Thanks again.
That about does it for these Long Island entries. I had so much fun being here, going to places I grew up, and hanging out with some good friends. Special thanks to the Knotgen family, the Glass family, Laird Jim, Mayor Margot Garant, Mike Philbrick and the Port Jeff Brewing Company and the Young Rebel Goombas. The Phile will be back next Thursday with Dr. Demento... yes, that Dr. Demento and Friday with Jess Meuse who was on the last season of "American Idol". So, spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. And, Long Island, I will be back!
Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker