Monday, October 21, 2013

Pheaturing Wise Girl

Hello, and welcome to the Phile, kids. How are you? Probably not as good as the stripper's ass that Justin Bieber grabbed. Did you hear this story? The ass of a Texas stripper set the hearts of millions of asses across the world fluttering when its owner tweeted the amazing news that Justin Bieber touched it with his celebrity hand. The lucky ass shakes most nights in a "particularly raunchy [Houston club] where girls do things that leave marks." Bieber's hand came in the other night, accompanied by Bieber's naked hairless chest and supposedly "made it rain." The ass and its owner have since been harassed by legions of Bieber fans who are furious that it was not their asses being touched. That child? Please! Just wait till your booty is all up in Rihanna's face! Then you will be in shock! Haha.  It would appear as though the Republican Party is on the cusp of full-blown civil war, pitting hardline Tea Party radicals against establishment conservatives. Tea Party groups have been seeing a surge in donations from people who are furious that GOP leaders allowed the government to be reopened and the debt ceiling raised, and Sarah Palin was on "Fox News" hinting that she may help to bring down Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. It remains to be seen how Democrats will manage to use this against their own advantage. I always thought the never ending pasta bowl would destroy America, but now it looks like it'll just be the Tea Party.  It's not my intention to upset anybody, but you really should be aware that Dolly Parton was on "The Queen Latifah Show" the other day, and she was white-girl rapping about, among other things, her breasts. At one point, she claimed to be tweekin', workin' and twerkin'. What is happening?!  A 26-year-old Pennsylvania substitute teacher fell asleep right in the middle of a class he was supposed to be teaching on Wednesday, which I'd have to guess is totally against the substitute teacher's code, assuming there is one. But, in his defense, he had a really good reason. He had just done a bunch of heroin before the school day started, and that stuff really wipes you out. Sure, he could have not done the heroin before teaching kids. But, hey, let he who is without sin cast the first stone.  Despite Kanye West's insistence that his girlfriend Kim Kardashian deserves her own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, a spokesperson for the organization that decides who gets those things declared the reality star unfit for such an honor. You can't blame them for limiting stars to a higher caliber of performers. Only legends get the honor of being vomited on by drunk tourists.  Turns out that stenographer lady who jumped up onto the podium to yell weird religiousy Free Masonish stuff into the microphone during the House of Representatives budget vote the other night wasn't acting alone. According to Dianne Reidy, she was put up to it by none other than one of the three aspects of the Trinity. “Holy Spirit has been waking me up in the middle of the night to deliver a message in the House Chamber,” she explained. The Holy Spirit was unavailable for questioning. Glenn Beck is now suing that House stenographer for copyright infringement.  According to the new Credit Suisse's Global Wealth Report, the United States is really kicking some major ass in the field of creating disgustingly rich people that those of us in the lower classes can look up to with near holy reverence while we subside on Ramen noodles and Mountain Dew. None of the other countries even come close. How embarrassing for them.  Alright, so, here on the Phile I have been known to show you a few things that you might not have seen anywhere else. And I have a doozy to show you right now. A Phile reader sent me something that he said no other blog would show. I doubt that, but here you go.

I will not make a comment, but let you kids do that yourself. Moving on...  I was watching the news the other day and saw something I thought was interesting.

That should of been a Mindphuck.  So, who watches that "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D." show? It's not the greatest, but I watch it for one reason only.

Damn, she's hot. Am I right, fellas?  Okay, it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month and you know by now I have been showing you certain breast cancer awareness posters that are creative yet controversial. Mercedes Benz placed an ad in the Netherlands Pink Ribbon magazine raising funds for breast cancer research, raising awareness of the need for breast cancer checks, and of course raising the profile of the Mercedes brand. The text: “Unfortunately we can't test everything for you. Check your breast for breast cancer once a month. For your safety's sake. Mercedes-Benz.”

Halloween is in 10 days from now, and you might be trying to figure out what costume to wear. Well, I am here to help you.

Ummm... The “Mac Daddy” pimp costume falls under the “retro” heading. What parent wouldn't want their son to portray a man who beats and rapes women and makes money from other men beating and raping women? And now, from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is this week's...

Top Phive Similarities And Differences Between Kris & Bruce Jenner And The House Of Representatives
5. Hopelessly split over petty differences.
4. Utterly despised by 96% of Americans.
3. Good for cable TV, terrible for the country.
2. The country is rooting for them to work out their idiotic disagreements.
And the number one similarity and difference between Kris and Bruce and the House...
1. Don't care much for Kanye West. 

It's 10:30 am, 76°F and Kelly is on the cover of Billboard magazine.

Okay, as you know Halloween is right around the corner and a friend of the Phile wanted to come on and talk about something to do with Halloween. She shoots from the hip, heart, camera, gun, sling-shot, tank...

UGH!! BORED of seeing everywhere "Healthy alternative Halloween treats". Unless your child is allergic, and by allergic I mean their throat closes up and you have to go to town on them with an EpiPen, then WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!!?? Halloween is ALL about getting jacked up, off your tits, hyperactive bat shit crazy and dressing up as something you dig. The world is being soiled in all other aspects by morons, Do not ruin what is an awesome day for kids, because you are OBSESSED about health food. And this comes from someone who is allergic to foods, who eats healthy, hates pesticides and chemicals existence in farming, but gets the simple concept of everything in moderation.

Today's pheatured guests are the three members that make up the cool band Wise Girl whose first album "You’ll Just Have to Wait" is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Chris Fasulo, Harry Keithline and the extremely hot Abby Weitz from Wise Girl.

Me: Hello, welcome to the Phile, kids. How are you?

Abby: We are great, thanks for having us!

Me: Guys, I'll ask you a few questions in a minute... Abby, hello. I don't know about Wise Girl, you should of named the band Hot Girl. Did you come up with the band name?

Abby: Hahaha, why thank you! Yes, I came up with the name.

Me: Are you wise?

Abby: I'd like to think so.

Me: I think you guys, Chris and Harry, are wise being in a band lead by someone who is so fucking attractive and hot. So, how did you three come to be part of a band?

Abby: I was working with Chris on our 3-song EP and we had a completely different line up. Chris produced, engineered and played everything (except drums) and after that I begged him to join the band. Eventually he agreed and I had seen Harry play at a venue I used to work at and stole him from that band. Now we are one little happy trio.

Me: Where are you guys from?

Abby: Chris and I are from Long Island and Harry is from Rhode Island. I currently live in Manhattan, Harry is in Brooklyn and Chris is still in Long Island where he will most likely die, he's obsessed with Long Island. I on the other hand, am not.

Me: I lived on Long Island as well once. Abby, I interviewed someone that I think you know... Kim Shattuck from The Muffs. Man, that was like 5 years ago when Kim was here. Did you grow up listening to The Muffs?

Abby: I fucking LOVE the Muffs! And Kim! And Ronnie and Roy! I grew up listening to them, I loved Kim's voice because it was different and she is one of the biggest reasons I started a band cause I used to hate my voice. They were just in New York about a month ago and I got to see them and they were amazing as usual. All three of them are the funniest people that you will ever meet in a band. And it's crazy that Kim's now playing in the Pixies, you go girl!

Me: I have a picture of you and Kim, Abby, from your Facebook page.

Me: When did you first meet Kim?

Abby: I first met Kim when I was 18. I saw the Muffs play at Maxwells and I knew all the words and now Kim jokes about how whenever I see them she looks at me and reads my lips for the lyrics cause she always forgets. At the last show they did here in July she forgot the lyrics and stopped the song and said "what are the words, Abby?" It was awesome.

Me: I'd love to have Kim back on the Phile. Anyway, what bands are you three into? Are you into the same music?

Abby: We all have different music tastes but we all do really love The Beatles. Chris and I also love Letters to Cleo, Damone, Weezer. Whenever I ask Harry what other music he's into for interviews he always just says "The Beatles". I know he's into jazz stuff because he is a jazz drummer. Chris also loves metal and hard rock, like Slayer and Metallica and he's obsessed with Billy Joel. I love all of those 90s pop punk bands and lots of pop music.

Me: How long has Wise Girl been together?

Abby: About 3 years.

Me: You just recently came put with your full-length album "You'll Just Have To Wait". How did that song get to be the title track?

Abby: It's funny because I had written that song and two other songs last minute as we were recording the album and everything had just been taking so long. The album was supposed to be out in April originally and even before we recorded, people would ask when we were putting out an album so it kind of suited the situation.

Me: I watched the video you did for the song "So Broken", and two things I couldn't help to notice... first you Abby and second all those vinyl albums on the wall. Did you choose what records to hang up?

Abby: No, the video was shot for Beta TV. That's just how they had the studio set up.

Me: I wonder if there's a Foghat record hanging up there. Are you kids Foghat fans? Haha.

Abby: No, but that reminds me of the movie Dazed and Confused, best movie ever!

Me: Okay, back to the album, I am guessing Abby you write the lyrics, but do the guys pitch in and help write as well?

Abby: The way the writing or this album went was I wrote all of the songs on an acoustic guitar and made demos of my vocals and the guitar played to a click track for Chris. He then literally built all the arrangements around that. It's so awesome working with Chris because I know whatever he does is going to be awesome. Then after most of the recording was done, Harry came in and threw down the drums like an animal!

Me: "Stuck In This" is the single for the album, are you guys gonna be making a video for that song as well?

Abby: No, were planning on doing one for "You'll Just Have to Wait" which we are planning to release as the second single.

Me: Chris, you produced the album, am I right? Did you start off being a producer before you became a member of the band?

Chris: Yes I did, I am a producer for a living. Abby came to me to record as a client of mine and it just so happened that I joined the band after working together for a while. I've been a producer, engineer, and studio owner for a long time.

Me: How long have you been playing guitar, Abby and Chris?

Abby: I've been playing for about 14 years and Chris has even playing for like 18 years. He's a lot more serious about it than I am though.

Me: Do you remember what was the first song you learnt to play on guitar?

Abby: I taught myself guitar by playing every Beatles song that I could possibly learn, so it was probably a Beatles song.

Chris: “Lemon Tree”, an old folk song.

Me: Harry, how long have you been playing drums?

Harry: I started playing drums when I was 8 so that would be 14 years.

Me: Okay, I have to ask you about this, in your bio it says that you, Abby, got the crowd to yell "Fuck, Chris". What is the story behind that, and Chris, what did you think?

Abby: Haha. I messed up the set list order at a show and Chris called me out on it whispering "not yet, not yet" and I decided that I wanted to play that song now! So I told the audience what happened and asked if we should play the song I wanted or Chris wanted; of course they wanted to hear my choice, and then I told everyone to yell, "fuck you, Chris" which was epic, I almost peed myself laughing.

Chris: It was actually really funny, I was laughing too. We like to have fun on stage.

Me: I have to tell you, if I was at that show, "fuck Chris" would be the last thing I would be yelling... ahem. Never mind, you know what I would be thinking. Abby, do these other guys ever hit on, or do you have a rule you don't date band members?

Abby: I don't shit where I eat but every person who interviews me and Chris asks if we're married or together or whatever. Our response is usually a mutual "you wish".

Me: I have to ask you about the comedy short "Daddy Day". Didn't you guys have a song in that short?

Abby: Yeah! How did you know that??? Haha, no one knows that!

Me: I am a good researcher, Abby. Haha. If you can have your music played in any TV show, what would it be?

Abby: We'll take any placements we can get! Maybe something like "Girls", that would be cool.

Me: Abby, would you ever consider acting?

Abby: I would never go out of my way to do it but if the opportunity were put in front of me, sure.

Me: You guys have a logo of a girl that is winking from the first EP. I am guessing that is supposed to be you, Abby. Who drew and came up with that logo?

Abby: The logo was done by my good friend, DeziSienty, who is an amazing illustrator! When I was starting Wise Girl I asked him to base the logo on the portrayal of a smart, sophisticated but sexy girl! He did use some pictures of me as references but I look nothing like the cartoon. Plus my hair is magenta now!

Me: I want a t-shirt with that drawing on it. XXL, of course. Do you sell them?

Abby: Yes! I'll have one sent to ya!

Me: Abby, I noticed you have tattoo's on your shoulders... is that flowers?

Abby: I do, it's actually poison ivy.

Me: Do those tattoos have a meaning?

Abby: They do but it's personal ;)

Me: I love tattoos, and have four myself. Chris and Harry, do you guys have tattoos?

Chris: Nope.

Me: Okay, so, on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics, are you ready? When you're down what do you do to feel better?

Abby: Blast Beatles songs or go for a run.

Chris: Hang with with my four dachshunds or work on my cars.

Harry: Exercise!

Me: Thanks so much for being on the Phile, I am a big fan, and hope you'll come back on the Phile soon. Go ahead and plug your website.

Abby: Thanks for having us!!!!!

Me: Thanks again, and continued success. Come back soon!!!

Well, that about does it for this entry. Thanks to Debbie Boldacious and the kids from Wise Girl. The Phile will be back next Saturday with the guys from the band Harmful If Swallowed. Then on Sunday it's singer Jonus Preston and on Monday William Brunksjill, lead singer for the band Autopsy Boys. So, spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Strawberry Blondes Forever.

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