Monday, June 24, 2013

Pheaturing Phile Alum Joy Ike

Summertime, and the livin' is easy, fish are jumpin' and the cotton is high. I think Gershwin was high when he wrote those lyrics. Your daddy's rich and your mamma's good lookin'. So hush little baby don't you cry. Wot? Is that the same song?  Anyway, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. Sorry it's kinda late today, I just got back from walking the high wire at the Grand Canyon. That's a lie, I just got back from Steak 'n Shake. I think the guy on the high wire praising Jesus wasn't listening when Jesus said, "Don't look at me. I would never do anything that stupid."  What a bad week for the stock market. Yesterday was so bad the numbers looked worse than a Paula Deen talk show on the BET network. Stocks are dropping like a Super Bowl ring into Vladimir Putin's pocket. That is how bad it was.  The Consumer Protection Agency has recalled 96,000 Jeep Liberty baby strollers because there is a problem with the tires blowing out. How fat are our kids getting when they're blowing out tires on their baby strollers?  Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have named their daughter North West. Or as Southwest Airlines put it, “Please don't have a second child.”  I forget to mention this over the weekend, congrats to the Miami Heat, who won their second straight NBA title. LeBron James was named MVP after scoring 37 points in Game 7. LeBron told his teammates he couldn’t have done it without them... which would be easier to believe if he hadn’t literally done it without them.  Mitt Romney’s former campaign manager has launched a super PAC to stop Hillary Clinton from becoming president. It makes sense because if there's one thing Romney's campaign manager is good at, it's stopping someone from becoming president.  A company in Japan has a new watch with a built-in breathalyzer that can tell you if you’re drunk. It would probably work better if the watch didn't always list the time as “5 o'clock somewhere.”  The Vatican has confirmed a second miracle by the late Pope John Paul II, clearing the way for him to become a saint. Under church law you have to perform two miracles to become a saint. That seems a little strict, doesn't it? You perform a miracle... a miracle! And they say, "What else you got?"  The daughter of baseball great Joe Torre, Christina Torre, is being called a hero after she caught a baby that fell out of a two-story window in New York City. And not only that, but later she went over to Wall Street and caught a couple of stockbrokers that had just jumped out the window.  The FBI admitted they do use drones on U.S. soil for domestic surveillance. The FBI's Robert Mueller told Congress that he does sometimes use drones, but he said the good news is that these drones are made in America, by Americans, to spy on Americans.  The White House staff played softball against a team made of marijuana lobbyists. Which explains why there were 20 hits before the game even started. The on-deck circle was a drum circle.  Fashion designers Dolce & Gabbana have been sentenced to 20 months in jail for tax evasion. Their lawyers are appealing the sentence while Dolce & Gabbana are appealing the prison uniform. Orange is so last year. That's right. Dolce & Gabbana were convicted of tax evasion. It didn't help when the judge asked how they pled, and they were like "Fabulous?"  I have to say it's a beautiful day here in Central Florida, but not for George Zimmerman. Listening to defense attorney Don West is like I'm guilty and getting the death sentence.  In the trial they showed what a Skittle injury looks like.

In the last two days I showed pictures and made fun of Paul Deen. The picture and joke from Sunday's Phile caused for some of you to write and complain. I'm sorry if I offended any of you. I was just making a joke. Yesterday I showed another picture of Paula Deen that people thought I made up, but I didn't. Here's another one to show you that woman is crazy.

She's likes white guys.  In the last few entries I told you that Disney, the greatest company to work for in the world, is releasing some of their classics with the original titles. Here's another one...

That's so dumb. I have one more. Should I show it now or next entry? I say let's get this over with. Here it is.

For a second I thought it said Hangovers Fix Everything. The NSA are releasing a bunch of children's books, and I have one of them here...

That's pretty damn clever if you ask me.  Well, it's summer and one of my favorite things to do in the summer is to swim. There's a lot of cool pools to swim in on this planet, and for the next few weeks I am gonna pheature some here. Here's the latest one, kids.

This architecturally-daring pool, designed by Architexas, sits atop The Joule hotel in Dallas, Texas. Ten stories above the ground, the pool projects eight feet over the edge of the building and hangs directly above Main Street, giving dippers dazzling downtown views. Freaking cool. I wanna go to Texas now. Now for some very sand news...

Bobby "Blue" Bland
Jan 27, 1930 - June 23, 2013
Now he's REALLY blue.

In the world of children's film, Pixar has built a reputation for itself as the studio to trust. Even when they're making a blatant cash grab with something like Cars 2, you know that the finished product will look incredible, be cheery, bright and good-hearted, and move like a winner. When you live in a world that's always under the threat of another Ice Age movie, the idea of a Cars 3 (and/or however many Planes installments they've got planned) can seem almost welcome.  Monsters University, a prequel to Monsters, Inc., in which young monster Mike (the voice of Billy Crystal) meets young Sulley (John Goodman) and the two prepare to matriculate at Monsters U. It's a school that feels more akin to a DeVry-like technical institute than a university, feeding fresh employees into Monsters, Inc. its seeming sole task. But deeper questions of purpose aren't really on anybody's to-do list around here, not when there's bouncy action waiting.  The plot is Revenge of the Nerds for kids, as the misfit monster fraternity Oozma Kappa... which counts Sulley and Mike as members, stakes its very existence and enrollment on a series of intramural "Scare Games," in which the school's various creatures compete to see who can terrify simulated children the hardest. And no extra points earned for guessing either the outcome of these exercises or how much believing in oneself plays a role in accomplishing that outcome. Point A must connect to Point B cleanly when hundreds of millions of dollars in production costs and merchandizing projections are on the line. It's that Cars 2 thing again: impeccably crafted, somewhat humorous, aimed at little ones and content to know its place.  Are there difficult, fictional lessons to be learned about aptitude, loss and failure from this story? Yes, there are. You just won't be hearing about them during its running time. They exist almost exclusively elsewhere, in the animated Peanuts films of the early 1970s, the output of Studio Ghibli and in other, more ambitious Pixar movies. No hardcore bummers allowed in this world, one big enough to contain a single concept and no others: the admittedly genius goal of defusing real-life childhood fears by turning the concept of monsters on its head and re-writing them as chatty, adorable, mutant Skittles. All else must serve that premise or be denied entrance to Monsters-Land.  The solution to this aesthetic problem, long-term, seems to be a Pixar where art is coded one way and finely crafted merch-moving opportunism another. I don't have all the kinks worked out of that idea just yet. I'll leave it to them to execute the details. They've already created a body of work that can be divided up into two camps with wildly different agendas. Now all that's left is the sorting. From 1 to 10, Monsters University gets a 7. 

Okay, tomorrow something very important is supposed to be happening politics wise and I have no idea what it is, and neither do you I'm guessing. So, a phriend of the Phile wanted to come on and tell us. Please welcome back to the Phile, Executive Director for Organizing for Action... Jon Carson.

Me: Welcome back to the Phile, Jon. I you have big news to tell us?

Jon: Hi, Jason. This is huge news. 

Me: What is it?

Jon: President Obama is set to announce his plan this week to address the growing threat of climate Jon: change. 

Me: What? That's it? The President is going to announce plans about a climate change? What is he going to do or say?

Jon: We'll know more specifics tomorrow, but it's expected he'll offer a bold, national approach to reducing carbon pollution.

Me: That's it? Anything else?

Jon: He'll lay out a vision to lead global efforts to fight climate change. 

Me: Is anybody not gonna like this?

Jon: The powerful, well-financed forces still deny the science behind climate change aren't going to like this.

Me: What do you think they'll do?

Jon: They'll be fighting this progress every step of the way. 

Me: Is there anybody that sticks out in your mind who thinks this is crazy?

Jon: Yes, in fact, before he's even seen the plan, House Speaker John Boehner is calling it "absolutely crazy." 

Me: I guess that's why President Obama is calling on all of us, am I right?

Jon: Yes, Jason, anyone who believes that climate change is a threat.

Me: Well, thank you, Jon, and keep us informed.

Jon: Thank you, Jason, and do your part to help fight climate change.

Me: Jon Carson, Executive Director for Organizing for Action, everyone. 

I was just thinking, what does Carson or the President want us or me to do, call Superman? Anyway, if you see the mindphuck email me at Now, another phriend of the Phile wanted to come on and tell us what's on her mind. She shoots from the hip, heart, camera, gun, sling-shot, tank...

HAAAAHAHAHAHAHA. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Irn-Bru have always been on top of their game when it comes to advertising and celebrating the Scottish sense of humour. Now, in taking the piss out of Coca Cola's recent name on a bottle (it'll help us sell more Coke) stunt, Irn-Bru are doing a limited run of FANNY bottles. For those that don't know, Irn-Bru is this INSANE bright orange fizzy drink proudly made in Scotland. I haven't drank it since I was 20 due to an "incident" involving vodka and pukeage on a cop... HaHaHa anyway, to those not in Scotland, 'Fanny' is a staple in ones Scottish vocabulary. For example, "Aye, ya fanny" Google (Debbie) translation -> "Yes, you are a lady's body part." Maths time: FANNY = VAGINA. FANNY also = old school Scottish girl's name. FANNY does not = ARSE in Scotland. Hence why we laugh when any of you guys say FANNY and don't get me started on fanny packs. Please note I once met an old married couple called Dick and Fanny. I obviously burst out laughing in their faces, I apologised for my reaction, but they said they were used to it... HAHAHA! So now you are educated in fanny's.

Thanks, Debbie. I never heard of Irn-Bru myself. Now I wanna try it.

The 27th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

The author Alexis Asbe will be the guest on the Phile next Sunday.

Today's pheatured guest is a Phile Alum who has a brand new CD out called "All Or Nothing". She'll next be appearing tomorrow at Sally Obriens in Somerville, MA. Please welcome back to the Phile, the wonderful... Joy Ike.

Me: Hello, Joy, welcome back. It's been awhile. How have you been?

Joy: Good. Busy.

Me: You're from Pennsylvania, right? Do you still live there?

Joy: Yup!

Me: Your parents are Nigerian if I remember... have you ever been to Nigeria?

Joy: A few times... and most recently in 2011.

Me: Before we get into your new music I have to tell you recently I interviewed Tiffany Thompson for the third time and I mentioned she has a song on her new CD called "Real Joy". I asked her if it was about you. ; ) I also told her you need to write a song called "Real Tiffany". What do you think?

Joy: Hehe. That "Real Joy" song is actually one of my favorites of hers.

Me: I asked her if there was any question I should I ask you the next time you're here and she said to ask you when was the first time you took your shoes off at a show. So, when was the first time?

Joy: I took my shoes off before there were shows :) I can't even remember the first show!

Me: Do you always take your shoes off when you perform, Joy?

Joy: Yes. Always.

Me: Alright, let's talk about your new fantastic CD called "All Or Nothing" which I downloaded from iTunes. Where did the title come from, Joy?

Joy: Thanks for getting it! The title came from a number of places but mostly this desire in me to finally make a statement about my life... about doing things fully or not doing them at all. I guess I got to a point where I was unsure about things and/or did things halfheartedly. So now either its worth doing really well or its not worth doing at all.

Me: You funded this album through Kickstarter, right? Wasn't your last album funded through Kickstarter as well?

Joy: Yes. The last album was funded in part by Kickstarter. This one was funded fully.

Me: You need to date a rich guy to fund your music, Joy. Anyway, how long did it take you to record this new album?

Joy: This album happened over a course of 6 months. I was in and out of the studio a lot... back and forth between Pittsburgh and NYC. We also recorded a piece of it in Ohio. Long story.

Me: Your sister Peace plays on the album, am I right? What does she play, or does she just sing?

Joy: Peace plays percussion, but she didn't play on this album.

Me: Who is in your band?

Joy: I'm currently backed by Jason Rafalak (upright bass) and Ryan Socrates (percussion). My cellist recently moved to Virginia so I'm looking for someone to join in.

Me: I like the video for the single "Everything You Have". Did you come up with the concept, Joy?

Joy: The concept was a collaborative effort between myself and friend/director Steve Ellington. We both threw in our ideas in order to make it what it was.

Me: Tell the readers what the story line is. Was it fun to make?

Joy: If I told the readers the story line, they wouldn't go and watch it. So go, people, go! And yes it was definitely fun!

Me: I will show a screen shot here to get people really interested, Joy.

Me: Was that filmed at your apartment?

Joy: The video was filmed at a friend's house in Pittsburgh. It's a huge house and they use it for house shows, church gatherings, parties, and apparently music videos. So much fun!

Me: The new album was produced by someone from Ingrid Michaelson's band. How did you two meet?

Joy: We met through a mutual friend... a reader of my Grassrootsy blog:

Me: Speaking of meeting, did you meet Ingrid?

Joy: No, but I met her dog :)

Me: I have to ask you about Grassrootsy that you just mentioned... it's your company, right?

Joy: Grassrootsy is a blog I started 4 1/2 years ago for musicians. It gives practical advice on how musicians can build their following, promote themselves and make a living off of their art. It's not really a company per se... just a blog. It's 100% a labor of love.

Me: Cool. So, what's next for you? Any new music planned, Joy?

Joy: Well, the album is brand new so the only goal I have is to share it with the world. I will be touring extensively this year and doing everything I can to get this album out to the masses.

Me: Any plans to play in Florida yet?

Joy: No plans for Floriday.

Me: Okay, so this year on the Phile I am asking random questions thanks to a game called Tabletopics. Are you ready? Is there one soul mate for each person?

Joy: Yes, for certain people. No for others. There are certain people who are more mathematical, and less artistic about love... and for them there are many options. At least that's what I think.

Me: Joy, thanks for being on the Phile again. Please come back soon. Mention your website and anything else you wanna, Joy. 

Joy: If people want a free download from the new album, they can visit They can also find me at,,

Me: Take care, and tell Peace and Tiffany I said hello.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Jon Carson, Debbie Boldacious and of course Joy. The Phile will be back next Sunday with author Alexis Asbe and then on Monday with Anna Easteden, the host of "Wipeout Finland". So, spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Strawberry Blondes Forever!

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