Sunday, June 30, 2013

Pheaturing Alexis Asbe

T-shirts, cut-offs, and a pair of thongs. We've been having fun all summer long. LOL. That's not true. Man, I'm not a big Beach Boys fan, but those are some good lyrics. Miniature golf and hondas in the hills, when we rode the horse we got some thrills. Every now and the we hear our song, we've been having fun all summer long. Sounds more like Kid Rock lyrics. I think Kid Rock had a song with the same title. Anyway, welcome to the Phile for a Sunday.  I lost a lot of readers last week, they're seeking asylum in Ecuador. This guy Edward Snowden went to Russia... that's one of his stops, and now he's apparently trying to get asylum in Ecuador. Ecuador is where everybody wants to go, right? Snowden somehow managed to get out of the U.S. with all their information. Now where is he? He's in Russia now, going to be in Ecuador or wherever. He remains at large. Now what are the odds out of 350 million Americans, the only one the government wasn't watching was him? The NSA says they have developed a robotic bird that looks and flies like a bird to use for surveillance. So if you see a bird outside your window tweeting with a BlackBerry, it’s spying on you.  In the middle of all these scandals, President Obama got some good news. The IRS ruled that he can write off the first half of his second term as a total loss.  Scientists in Japan say that by the end of 2013 they're going to be growing human organs in pigs and transplanting them into humans. How ironic is that? They'll be able to give you a new heart grown in a pig to replace the old heart which got clogged up from too much pork.  Kim Kardashian had a little baby girl, and Kanye West finally popped the question: "How do I of get out of this?" Actually, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are going to get married. And I was looking at the guy and I thought, "Gee, I wonder if he's ready for a 72-day commitment."  I have to mention Paula Deen, who had a difficult week. She was deposed as part of a discrimination lawsuit filed against her. The attorney for the other side asked if she's ever used the N-word, and she said, yes, of course. If a lawyer asks you if you've ever used the N-word, the only thing you can say worse than "yes" is "yes, of course." On Friday the Food Network announced they would not renew Paula Deen's contract, and today Smithfield, a company for whom she endorsed pork products, also severed ties with Deen. Even the other white meat is turning on her. Pork severing ties with Paula Deen is like spinach cutting ties with Popeye.  So, last night Logan and I went to see World War Z... I was so tired from work it was almost World War Zzzzzz. Anyway, I thought the Z was for zombies, but I was wrong.

That's so stupid.  Did you see NSA are putting out some children's books? I mentioned this last weekend, and this week they released another one. Wanna see it?

I cannot wait for the cartoon. I like it when some magazines or websites show before and after make-up photo's with celebrities. So once again, I thought I would show you one here on the Phile.

That's so funny. So, being summer one thing I love to do is to go swimming. There's a lot of crazy pools out there, so this summer I will be showing you some phascinating ones. “Ocean Dome”, located in Miyazaki, it's the biggest indoor swimming pool in the world. It's 300 meters long and 100 meters wide, and it's located 500 meter from the sea. The temperature inside the pavilion is always around 30 degrees, the roof is sky-blue and it has even “clouds”. It has an artificial volcano and also an artificial wave generation system.

That's almost cool. Where the hell is Miyazaki though? Japan I think.

There's a reason I'm showing a picture of a bunch of hot girls in the bath. If you see the Mindphuck email me at Real quick, did you hear what George Zimmerman said at his trial? He said, "Man, I'd kill for some Skittles right now." Monving on...

When the zombie apocalypse goes down, it would help if you were very good at running very fast. New-school zombies, the post-Dawn of the Dead remake variety, are sprinters. And they're smart. And they can find you. And when they find you they will scale a building (teamwork!) and leap through the air to yank down the helicopter you're trying to use as a getaway vehicle. Then you will be lunch. Then you will also be a zombie. Cycle repeats as you pull down your own helicopter and eat its occupant, most likely a celebrity, probably Diana Ross.  Or you could be a former United Nations official (Brad Pitt) who's let his hair grow into a style most becoming an unemployable, failed surfer. Then you'd be the only person capable of figuring out how to thwart the worldwide zombie takeover. And why you? Well, the film will not linger over the reasons explaining why you. But it's you. You may not look like Superman but you're all this movie's got.  Meanwhile, the hows and whats of what comes next are the stuff of a reasonably fast-paced, occasionally exciting undead thriller with a ticking clock attached and serious jolts coming at well-timed intervals. And that's it, really. This film made my job incredibly easy; there are no zombies-as-current-social-malady parallels, no thinky meta-demands placed on the audience, no detours into self-aware cleverness and nobody to really worry about. This is a globetrotting horror product that also wants to play in cinemas all over the globe. Complicated plots, subtext and anything gnarlier than a PG-13 wallow in zombie feeding habits would only make that translation more difficult. And the word "zombie" semi-flirting behind a mysterious "Z" in the title is as much surprise as it has up its sleeve. So with Pitt in service to a relentless plot and given very little character to clutter up the screen (requisite stuff: he loves his family; he makes them pancakes) audience zombie-anxiety can be kept at a manageable level and emotional responses streamlined into one minor-league distaste for the idea of being chewed on by a decathlete with half a face.  Those meat-and-potatoes jolts carry it pretty well, though. It might not be the next-level, horror game changer that a mega-budget summer film always pretends to promise; it's not the zombie epic to end them all... it's two hours of goosey, forgettable fun, extravagant action sequences and the threat of louder, but not necessarily better, sequels. Or you could just sit at home and complain about how "The Walking Dead" isn't what it used to be. Up to you. Which location has better air conditioning? ANyway, from 1 to 10, this movie gets a 10. Yup.

Okay, so July 4th is just around the corner and a phriend of the Phile wanted to come on and say something about it. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. You know what time it is, kids.

I love how we've now stretched this whole 4th of July weekend thing into a week. THIS is not 4th of July weekend. The 4th is on Thursday... WTF? So... You leave work early yesterday... then have off Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday... then you take off Friday to rest ? Congratulations, Humans... you just invented the 9 day holiday weekend.

Not me, Laird. I get today and Monday off, then I have to work all week. That's life working at a theme park. Alright, so have you guys heard about DOMA? It's the Defense of Marriage of Act, meaning that same-sex couples would receive the same federal benefits as other married couples. Anyway, a phriend of the Phile wanted to come on and explain why this is a big deal in case you don't know. I am sure most of you do know though. Anyway, please welcome back to the Phile Chair for the Democratic National Commitee... Debbie Wasserman Schultz.

Me: Hello, Debbie. Welcome back. So, the Supreme Court struck down the discriminatory . Tell the readers that don't know what this means.

Debbie: Striking down the Defense of Marriage Act gives tens of thousands of Americans the federal rights and protections that they've been unfairly denied for years.

Me: It seems recently to me there's been a lot of changes leading to this, so it didn't seem like a big deal to me, Debbie, but it is, right?

Debbie: Yes, it's just the latest step we've made in recent years toward a more equal country where people aren't treated differently because of who they love.

Me: So, how did this progress happen, Debbie?

Debbie: With the hard work of activists and people like you.

Me: HA! I didn't do anything. So, I take it the fight for equality is still not finished...

Debbie: We won't finish the fight unless we all step up and finish it.

Me: I am sure some skeptics, will say this is a gay agenda, am I right?

Debbie: There is no gay agenda or straight agenda. As Democrats, our only agenda is full equality under the law for every American.

Me: Well, judging by Facebook's newsfeed,  for so many Americans, today's decision was personal.

Debbie: Yes, just as it was when President Obama signed the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, put in place hospital visitation rights for LGBT couples, and established the first comprehensive National HIV/AIDS Strategy.

Me: I am sure there is more to do. So, this DOMA thing might lead to other things?

Debbie: Of course there is more to do. But this decision shows how the tide has turned in our favor.

Me: How high are equal rights being fought for, Debbie?

Debbie: Democrats across the country are fighting for equal rights at the federal and state.

Me: I'm pretty selfish a lot of times, and never really thought at all about equality, Debbie. What can you tell people like me who doesn't think about this that much?

Debbie: Equality is not an aspiration, it's a destination we will reach together.

Me: That's too deep for me. Thanks for being here again, Debbie.

Debbie: Thank you, Jason.

Me: Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Chair for the Democratic National Committee, kids.

Today's pheatured guest is the author of "At The Altar In Your Underwear: 40 Secrets To An Amazing Wedding And A Better You", the 27th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club. Please welcome to the Phile one of the best looking authors I had on the Phile... Alexis Asbe.

Me: Hello, Alexis, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Alexis: I am in Phile...?! Then, I am great! Thank you.

Me: You have been called Ally, so, should I call you Alexis or Ally? What do you prefer?

Alexis: Ally, if I like you. What should I call you?

Me: Jason, or Jay. I have to tell you that normally the books in the Peverett Phile Book Club are music themed, about "Doctor Who" or just science fiction, although I did pheature a book about puppet making. Your book is very different then any other books I pheatured... it's a book about weddings. Where did you get the idea to write "At the Alter in Your Underwear"?

Alexis: After 3000 weddings, looking back I sometimes felt like I was in a science fiction movie and I was a doctor diagnosing strange happenings and sightings during wedding planning. I wanted to give couples and people wanting to get married a little perspective as to what truly matters and the real secret to planning their lives and an amazing wedding.

Me: How long did it take you to write this book, Alexis? 

Alexis: Once I really put my mind to it about a year. However the idea has been rolling around in my head for about 7 years.

Me: Reading it, I was disappointed that there weren't any pictures of people in their underwear, then I saw the back of the book. I think I have that picture here...

Me: What does the title of the book mean?

Alexis: The of the book is a metaphor for being vulnerable and true to who you are. I often felt when I presented a design to someone that they could see my soul. The real me; my heart; my passion; my love through what I created for them. This is vulnerable and often uncomfortable but it is where the magic happens and people really come alive. I want to encourage people as they start their journeys together to do the same.

Me: You helped plan thousands of weddings, Alexis, are you married yourself?

Alexis: Today, yes.

Me: What did you get married wearing?

Alexis: I wore underwear if that is what you are asking.

Me: I dunno what I'm asking. What was your dress like?

Alexis: The dress I wore was an ivory silk simple sheath style dress that was fitted to the ground. Very classic. Very simple.

Me: I take it you have a big wedding?

Alexis: About 450 people were on the guest list.

Me: We eloped in Vegas, and I wore a baseball cap, jeans and a Foghat t-shirt. My wife and I thought spending money on a wedding was a waste of money when you can put that money towards a house or a trip, or something else. What do you think of this? It goes against what your career is, right?

Alexis: I think that is awesome! No, it is who you are. People often do stuff like throw a big wedding and have regrets because it is not them. I applaud you and your wife for being you!

Me: What is the most money someone spent of a wedding that you know of?

Alexis: I am not exactly sure of the overall budget of most of the weddings I did, but the more elaborate weddings I would venture to say ranged from 50k to100k.

Me: The book is split up in four parts: "The Engagement", "Planning", "The Big Day", and "The Honeymoon". Out of all those four, what did you spent the most time writing about?

Alexis: "Planning" and "Honeymoon".

Me: So, how did your husband propose to you and where did you go on the honeymoon?

Alexis: He attempted to propose while in a hot air balloon however the weather suddenly prevented us from flying. So he rolled out his banner that he had made, walked me up to an observatory area which was on a high platform. As he led me up the stairs I could see each word "WILL - YOU - MARRY- ME?" I was shocked. I had no idea he planned to propose that day... I remember the sun was shining on my face and I could feel the warmth on my face as he held me. It is an unforgettable feeling. *insert tear and cheesy smile* As for the honeymoon, went on a cruise to the Caribbean.

Me: Are honeymoon's important, Alexis?

Alexis: Time alone and decompression after such a huge event is important.

Me: Did you think of writing a sequel to the book? I have an idea for you... "At Divorce Court in Your Underwear". You can have four parts to that book as well... "The Argument", "Divorce Filed", "The Big Day" and "The Freedom". What do you think?

Alexis: LOL! That would be hysterical however I don't have good advice on that subject, huh today. :/

Me: Do you find mostly women reading your book, or both men and women? I might be the only guy that read your book, Alexis.

Alexis: Mostly women, however the men that have read my book say, "I want to see that book on my girls night stand." Don't worry you are not the only guy!

Me: Oh, crap, I wanted to be. : ) Alexis, where are you from?

Alexis: I grew up in a suburb in the San Francisco Bay Area, called Diablo.

Me: Do you still live in California?

Alexis: Yes, I live in Redding about 10 minutes from Lake Shasta. My dude is a boat racer and we all love the outdoor sports, so it is perfect for us.

Me: Do you work on wedding's just in California or around the world?

Alexis: I work everywhere! I especially like to work in tropical locations. Please let me know if you and your wife want to plan a renewal of vows in Fiji. I am your girl.

Me: LOL. I can't see that happening, but thanks. Have you worked on any celebrity weddings?

Alexis: Yes, and celebrities are exactly like non-famous people complete with stress and personal challenges.

Me: Phile readers will know I am obsessed with Kelly Clarkson, even though I think obsessed is a strong word. She's getting married in December, Alexis, will you be working on her wedding? If so, can you hook me up on the guest list? LOL.

Alexis: First I am sorry that Kelly is getting married to another man. You should have stepped up earlier! I am not working on Kelly's wedding however and I don't think it would be appropriate for you to attend since you have "serious" feelings for her. Ha Ha.

Me: Spoil sport. I have a hall pass for her, but once she's married she probably won't have one. Time is a'tickin'. I read in your bio you worked with members of the Royal Family. Which weddings did you work on for them, and were you nervous? How did they treat you?

Alexis: I did arrangements for the Duchess of York in relationship to her promoting her botanical china line with Macy's. I met her and she is lovely. A real girls girl. We talked outfits and hair.

Me: You were on the show "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition". That's a TV show where they build a house for someone... what did you do on that show?

Alexis: Yes, the best part was that I kissed Michael on set. I met the crew while they were in town having dinner at a restaurant. I thought they were clients of mine, I walked up, sat down at their table and said so "what's up?" then I realized who they were. *awkward geeky moment* After a good laugh, they invited me to work with them. Ty asked me what to order on the menu and, "what is Poule Fusse?" I told him it was a young chicken and it was excellent. People trust people, who like to eat.

Me: There's tons of reality shows about weddings, I know this because my wife watches them all... did you ever think of having your own show based on the book? Were you approached about this, Alexis?

Alexis: It's a good idea. Hmm... I have recently been approached for a TV show. I think it could be a good idea. Depends on the nature of the show. Currently, I am bound by confidentiality agreement. I wish I could elaborate more but time will tell. Are you spying on me?

Me: Nope, just smart. LOL. Is this wedding book your first published book?

Alexis: Yes.

Me: I joked about you writing a sequel, but seriously, are you planning on writing a sequel or another book?

Alexis: Yes! It is in the works and called, "Cooking in Your Underwear."

Me: Cool. Thanks for being here on the Phile, Alexis, and I hope it was fun. On the Phile I ask random questions based on Tabletopics... here's yours. Oh, this is boring... what obligation do you believe you have to your country?

Alexis: Tabletopics, HA! I believe it is my obligation to be authentically who I am, and of course... standing in my underwear!

Me: Thanks again for being here, Alexis. Go ahead and plug your websites and please come back when your next project comes out. All the best.

Alexis: Thank you! I appreciate how fun you are! Keep in touch and cozy up with me at May the force be with you and may you find yourself in your underwear and loving it!

Me: Alexis Asbe, kids. Get her book from Amazon right now.

That about does it for this entry. Thanks to Laird Jim, Debbie Wasserman Schultz and of course Alexis Asbe. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Anna Easteden, the hostess from "Wipeout Finland" then next Sunday with Phile Alum Jennifer McKee. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Strawberry Blondes Forever!

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