Sunday, February 10, 2013

Pheaturing Phile Alum Sir Roland Rat

Hey, Phile phans, welcome to another entry of the Phile. How are you? It seems just that a few hours that I did all this.  A new study says that working fewer hours can slow global warming. So you know what that means? President Obama's economic policy is also his climate change policy.  This is kind of disturbing. The Justice Department has concluded that the president can order drone strikes on American citizens. And today, Rush Limbaugh came out in favor of Obamacare.  The U.S. Postal Service announced they are ending Saturday delivery of the mail. Now if you have a problem and you want to complain, you can email them at  Some Democrats in Congress are now trying to change the marijuana laws, making it legal so it can be taxed and increase revenue. Is that what the government's come down to now? We're selling drugs to pay off our debts? When did Uncle Sam become Scarface?  Hey, want to hear about the Super Bowl again? After the Super Bowl game, the winning team, the Baltimore Ravens, lost the trophy. But that's not the only thing. The 49ers lost the trophy in the first quarter. You know, something similar happened to golfer Tiger Woods. He lost a trophy wife.  In the last two months Fox News has fired Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska, and Dick Morris, well-known political pundit. Well, great. Two more jobs lost under Obama.  It is a time  for fans of Monopoly... the game that introduced generations of kids to the concept of mortgage debt. Monopoly added a new game piece: the cat. The new piece was chosen after weeks of online voting. Is that a surprise? Whenever there's a vote for something on the Internet, the cat always wins. To make room for a cat, Monopoly's dropping one of the old game pieces. So the iron is going away. Take it from me: You should never put a cat and an iron together. No matter how wrinkly the cat is. You know what I never understood? Why they sell Ouija boards in the "board game" section. I don't think that is really a game, is it? Nothing says "family fun" like communicating with the dead. Poor iron. It will not be a part of the game from now on. They have to keep updating these poor games to keep them fresh. Candy Land just changed its name to Fresh Organic Vegetable Land. Monopoly let people in 120 countries vote through Facebook. The choices for a new game piece were a diamond ring, a little robot, helicopter, guitar, and the winner, which was a cat. I hope this doesn't cause a problem with the little Scottie dog. I can't have animals chasing each other on my board. Now what do you do with the Monopoly iron? There are still ways to enjoy it. You can use it as a paperweight for Post-it Notes.  PETA is criticizing Beyonce for the leather costume she wore during the Super Bowl halftime show. Or, as the ball that got thrown and kicked for three solid hours put it, “Yeah, that’s the leather you should be worried about.”  It was just revealed that the Federal Reserve was hacked last Sunday. It’s pretty serious. In fact, they say the hackers could've made off with as much as negative $14 trillion. North Korean leader Kim Jong-un recently got a smartphone. And you can tell it’s a smartphone because today it left North Korea.  Back to Beyonce, that woman is everywhere. Did you know she's up for the part of She-Hulk in a new Marvel movie? No? I have proof, take a look.

She'll be perfect. Her reps will call me now asking for the photo to be removed.  As I said yesterday, to quiet those who have questioned the president’s gun use, the White House released a photo over the weekend that showed Obama skeet shooting. I don't think they succeeded in what they were trying to prove.

I have to show you this, as I think it's cool. A Phile reader sent this picture to me...

If you want to know where this is, where that cover photo was taken, here is the address... Outside of 232 East 11th Street between Second and Third Avenues, New York City. Go there, take a picture of yourself in this location and send it to me at and I'll post it right here on the Phile. I bet Laird Jim will go and do it.  So, Valentine's Day is a few days away. I used to love getting those boxes of Valentine cards and giving them out to girls in class. I saw this one set and I almost wanted to buy it.

So, yesterday on the Phile in the Jim Korkis interview we talked about the new Star Wars films. It's so cool that Disney is going to make a bunch of character spin off movies with Han Solo and Boba Fett. Well, I just found out they started shooting a new movie based on Chewbacca's early days, but I think they are cutting a few corners.

Maybe that's Chewie's mom.  I am getting tired of mentioning this, and I heard no word from Kelly Clarkson's camp... man, I would love to pitch a tent in her camp. That doesn't even make sense. Anyway, I want to interview Kelly on the Phile and for the last two months have been running a campaign to get her here. I don't think it's not working. So, the campaign will end at the end of this month. Yep, I'm giving up.

Valentine's Day like I said is coming up, and you might be trying to figure out that to buy for your loved one. well, I am here to help. So, here we go again, with another...

If you're searching for a devilishly naughty gift for a loved one then you can't beat these couple “Sexiest number of all time!” pillowcases! You can both have a piece of the naughty number 69... extremely fun and hilarious to show any guests, yet excellent to show your partner the devil in you!

And now, from the home office in snow covered Port Jefferson, New York, here is this week's...

Let me explain this one. A memo from CBS Standards and Practices was leaked to the public. In it, the network advised performers on tonight's Grammys that certain wardrobe choices would be... unacceptable. They then went into detail, using the most awkward and prudish terms possible, what body parts performers should not show. I've gone through the memo and (after now feeling much safer about Ke$ha’s performance) picked out the best phrases. So, here we go.
The Top Phive Grammys' List Of Banned Body Parts
5. Scrotal Cleavage
4. Areolic Peekage
3. Public Effrontery
2. Untamed Thatchery
And the number one Grammys banned body part is...
1. Silhouetting of the Coccyx

You know what time it is, kids. He's a singer, surfer, renaissance man, phriend of the Phile, and the most popular member of the Phile phamily. It's...

So... I'm walking through JFK to my truck and this jackass is walking straight at me... we make eye contact... he has room to go around me on either side... he walks right into me on purpose (guess he thought I would move). He glares at me and says, "Excuse me... how rude are you?" I punched him in the face to answer his question in a non verbal manner. Time to go back to therapy, I think...

Good job, Laird. Glad I wasn't that guy. How stupid can you be? Alright, well, the Art Gallery pheature is back. The 28th artist to be pheatured in the Peverett Phile Art Gallery, is not just an artist. He is also a musician. He is a guitarist and singer, and was part of the band Fleetwood Mac between 1987 and 1991. His name is Rick Vito, and this is one of his pieces...

Rick will be a guest on the Phile soon. Oh, shit, I almost forgot something. Here we go.

Man, I got too much going on. The Oscars is in a few weeks and here on the Phile, leading up to it, I am giving you a bunch of Oscar facts to help you at your Oscar party. The Turning Point and The Color Purple hold the record for most nominations... 11... without any wins. But the biggest loser of all times is Kevin O'Connell, a sound re-recording mixer who holds the record for most Academy Award nominations without a win at 20, having originally set the record in 2006 with his 18th nomination and loss, making him the "unluckiest nominee in the history of the Academy Awards". You don't need to see a picture of Kevin, do you? No, good. Moving on.

Today's guest is a Phile Alum and British TV legend who this year is celebrating his 30th anniversary. He has a new DVD out, that is available in the UK and not here in the States called "Rat On the Road". Please welcome back to the Phile, the one and only... Sir Roland Rat!

Me: Roland, welcome back to the Phile. How have you been?

Roland: Hello, Jason, yeahhh l've been fab, dude, good to be back!!

Me: Do you know your interview on the Phile is the second most read entry ever? You must be proud.

Roland: It's not exactly saving TV-am but it's good. Glad a lot of people read our last inteview real cool yeahhhhhhhhhhh!

Me: Last time I interviewed you you were living in Los Angeles, under the Hollywood sign. Are you still living there?

Roland: I am still living in L.A. and flying backwards and forwards across the pond! Spending most of my time in Cali now.

Me: How long have you been in America now?

Roland: I have been Stateside on and off for a long time, we did a deal with Marvel for a Roland Rat series but then the head moved to Fox and the deal fell apart.

Me: That's ashame. When was the last time you visited England, Roland?

Roland: Always going back, but l was there a lot last year sortin' out my office and archives in London.

Me: Would you ever move back there?

Roland: I would never sever all ties with the UK.

Me: Have you done any TV appearances lately?

Roland: I did do several tv appearances whilst back in London, "Big Fat Quiz", "Big Brother" and "Celebrity Juice".

Me: Last time you were here we talked about you being on "The Weakest Link" where you lost to Soo the panda. I think I have a picture of you on the show.

Me: How do you feel loosing to Soo?

Roland: "The Weakest Link" was fixed l am a thousand times more intelligent than that fluffy sock!!

Me: So, how are your friends, Roland?

Roland: What friends? Oh ya mean hangers on? They are fine.

Me: For those that don't know who they are, why don't you tell the Phile readers?

Roland: The rat pack consist of: Errol the Hamster... Slow boring Welsh person! Kevin the Gerbil... My personal assistant. Little Reggie... Manic little brother of mine. Glenis the Guinea Pig... One time girlfriend of mine. Fergie the Ferret... Interior decorator (joke). Eric the Eagle... Lives in a cubicle in the ratcave toilet. MUM& DAD... Live in Ratcave1.

Me: Speaking of girlfriends, you dated Samantha Fox, right?

Roland: Samantha Fox is an old friend, we still talk but she is in love with her female partner. I had the same trouble with Lindsay Lohan, I see a pattern emergin' 'ere with my ex's!!

Me: Alright, you mentioned you saving TV-am, the British morning show. You were the best thing on it next to Anne Diamond. Anyway, when you came on that show in 1983 it went from 100,000 viewers to 1.8 BILLION! Did you approach TV-am or did they approach you?

Roland: When I went to TV-am the ratings were 20,000 viewers I took the figures over a million and when I left they were peaking at 3.5 million.

Me: That's so impressive. So, did they approach you?

Roland: They did not approach me, I went to them.

Me: In 1985 you moved to the BBC, Rol. What led to that decision?

Roland: I moved to the BBC because they made me an offer l could not refuse! Also TV-am were wanting me to not film around the world to save money!

Me: Do you miss being on TV regularly in England?

Roland: I miss live TV yeahhhhhh!

Me: Hey, are you friends with Basil Brush? When I went to school in Putney, London when I was five I went to school with Ivan Owen's son. Do you know Ivan?

Roland: I never knew Ivan Owen, I worked with Basil once yeahhh.

Me: Roland, last time you were here you mentioned you were developing a TV show called "RAT 66". Is that the same thing as your latest DVD "Rat On the Road"?

Roland: "RAT 66" is shot on location along the great mother road, it is similar to "Rat on the Road" yeah.

Me: Unfortunately I live in America now, but originally from Balham, London. They didn't make the DVD in the US region, did they?

Roland: The "Rat on the Road" DVD was only released on the UK format.

Me: I wish your old albums were on the American iTunes. Roland, if you could record a duet with anybody, who would it be?

Roland: The music will be available soon. If I could record with someone it would have to be Bowie. 

Me: A Roland Rat and Robbie Williams duet would be amazing! Are you a fan of Robbie?

Roland: Yeah, I like Robbie Williams, I think he's sort of piqued though!

Me: Okay, let's talk about "Rat On the Road", Roland. Where do you go on the video?

Roland: On "Rat on the Road" we went to Cardiff, York, London, Newcastle etc.

Me: I have to ask, if Disney, the great company I work for, wanted to 'buy' you like they did with Marvel, Star Wars and the Muppets, what would you say?

Roland: Disney did actually want to buy me!! It was back in the early 80's... I refused!!

Me: Roland, that's crazy! Can you imagine the possibilities if Disney and you worked together?

Roland: When ya get an international company like Disney behind you it can work perfectly.

Me: Roland, is there any new Roland merch I can get my hands on here in America?

Roland: No rat merchandise on sale in USA right now I'm afraid. New stuff being worked on in UK.

Me: I have to mention this, this year is your 30th anniversary. Any big plans?

Roland: As it's my 30th anniversary this year we are looking at developing a ROLAND RAT 3D MOVIE! I'll keep ya posted on that one.

Me: Cool. Thanks so much for being here, again, Roland. Please come back again soon. By the way, this year on the Phile, I'm asking my guests random questions, so I have one for you, Rol... Is science or art more essential to humanity?

Roland: Art wins every time yeahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Me: Rol, please take care, and come back again. All the best.

Roland: Pleasure is all mine.

There you go, that's about it for this entry. Thanks to Laird Jim and Sir Roland Rat of course. Man, it was an honor interviewing him again. Okay, the Phile will be back tomorrow with Uncle Devin from The Uncle Devin Show. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Strawberry Blondes Forever!

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