Monday, August 20, 2012

Pheaturing RobotrobotROBOT

Good afternoon, kids, and welcome to another entry of the Phile. I was just thinking about Paul Ryan being Mitt Romney's running mate. It's like trying to spice up a bowl of oatmeal with MORE oatmeal. Ryan criticized President Obama for not doing enough to create jobs. In response, Obama said, "Didn't you just get a new job?" Speaking of Paul Ryan, a new poll actually found that 42 percent of Americans do not approve of Mitt Romney's running mate, which isn't too bad considering most Americans don't approve of Paul Ryan's running mate.  New research found that 25 percent of Americans don't know their own cell phone number... while the rest thought of a different excuse to get out of dating that researcher. By the way, I don't know my cell phone number.  A man in Oregon walked away with minor injuries after he fell asleep in a dumpster and ended up in a trash compacter. It raises a lot of questions, and the answer to all of them is tequila.  The White House just revealed that it brews its own beer, and President Obama drinks it when he goes out campaigning. And even more of it when Joe Biden goes out campaigning.  The U.S. military is sending surveillance blimps to monitor the U.S. border with Mexico. It's a great plan until everyone looks up and sees the blimps.  A man who lost his memory used pictures on Facebook to piece his life back together. Or as most people call that, “Sunday morning.”  A new study found that vegetarian cavemen died earlier than cavemen who ate meat. Not from starvation... they were just murdered after they kept talking about why they became vegetarians.  You know I love Disney, right? I have worked for that company for going on 25 years, and they pretty much are perfect. They are the best company to work for... ever. Anyway, have you seen the Disney Store website lately? Check it out.

Is it me or does it look like Cinderella is giving Ferb a hand job? I have worked there like I said for about 25 years and not once did I get a hand job from Cinderella. I did bang Alice once but that's another story. Moving on...  I was watching TV the other day and I noticed something odd about a local TV commercial. Mark this under phail...

I noticed this is a shoe store recently.

Oh, Adidas... Okay, now for some sad news.

Scott McKenzie
Jan 10, 1939 - Aug 19, 2012
Be sure to wear pennies on your eyes.

In 2010, The Expendables left more unanswered questions than The Tree of Life, causing the entire world to beg, plead, and bargain with Sylvester Stallone to give us a second one. Oh, wait. That's not true at all. It was a full-scale action epic that did next to no work outside pyrotechnics to make you love the characters, because you already love them. And it turns out that "Sly" is a more appropriate nickname than we ever thought, because his plan worked so well he's back again, this time with even more action stars you didn't even know you missed. But you did.  There's so much muscle in this movie that it leaves room for barely anything else, which is fine, as long as you don't think too hard about it. We didn't go to see Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Terry Crews, Randy Couture, Jet Li and Jason Statham stir our intellects, did we? Nah. The new additions to the movie include Liam Hemsworth as Billy the Kid, Chuck Norris as the Lone Wolf, and Jean Claude Van Damme as Jean Vilain (who makes this movie finally feel like a real assembly of badasses). There are tons of gross kills, tanks rolling over people, walls getting knocked down, gunfire and knife work. But past the post-modern chuckles of conservative ex-governor Arnold ripping the door off a Smart Car, they really skimped on anything resembling even the simplest kind of story that made these guys stars in the first place.  Mr. Church (Willis) forces Barney (Stallone) and his rag-tag band of misfits to do an easy job that turns out to be more than they bargained for. When Jean Vilain and his baddies intercept the important thing Church was really after, he slashes some throats and takes off. The Expendables have to follow him, because it's literally in their contracts. Along the way, they're getting chased while trying to find Vilain. There's a complete lack of double-crossing and complications... they pretty much just seek the bad guys and find them. You never worry about them not achieving the goal.  There are a couple of things that yanked me out of the movie faster than you could say "I'll be back." One of the reasons we even got this sequel is that the first film did well money-wise, and 40% of its audience was female. So why would they make choices in the sequel that seem really misogynistic? I'm never one to cry "sexist," but having an all-female town of vigilantes who can't shoot to save their lives is a little puzzling. Yes, haters, I get why it's funny and I chuckled. But combined with the fact that Maggie (Nan Yu) does very little except ask Sylvester Stallone about his feelings a lot (to contribute to the paper-thin character development we already discussed that we don't need), my head cocked quizzically to one side.  And speaking of quizzical looks, my eyebrow now has a permanent arch having now listened to almost every character quoting their famous films, or someone else doing it for them. It's like when your grandmother says "Those are totes dope" when she's talking about your new Nikes in front of your first boyfriend. We could have used exactly five less of those references… all except the Chuck Norris one. Because we all know we can't get enough of those. Like how Chuck Norris isn't going to wait for the box office reports, he's just going to go stare at a movie theater and the worldwide revenues will grow out of sheer fright. From 1 to 10 I give it a 9. 

Well, yesterday I had Chair of the Democratic National Committe Debbie Wasserman Schultz here on the Phile, and she wanted to come back again to talk about "legitimate rape". So, please welcome back so quick to the Phile... Debbie Wasserman Schultz.

Me: Hello, Debbie, welcome back to the Phile so fast. LOL. So, what is this about "legitimate rape" you wanna talk about?

Debbie: Hello, Jason. In a year that has brought us no shortage of stunningly backward statements from Republicans on issues affecting women's health, the GOP Senate nominee from Missouri may have just taken the cake.

Me: What happened? I missed it.

Debbie: Yesterday morning, Rep. Todd Akin, explaining his opposition to abortion even in cases of rape, said that victims of "legitimate rape" don't get pregnant because "the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down."

Me: What exactly is an "illegitimate" rape?

Debbie: That's what I want to ask  Rep. Akin. And what are these unnamed "ways" women have of avoiding pregnancy after being (legitimately) raped?

Me: Is Akin's choice of words the real issue?

Debbie: No. The real issue is a Republican party... led by Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan... whose policies on women and their health are dangerously wrong. I'm outraged at the Republicans trying to take women back to the dark ages.

Me: I agree, Debbie.

Debbie: Good. Really, it's deeply concerning that Republicans continue to support legislation that is, quite literally, dangerous for women.

Me: And Mitt said he would get rid of Planned Parenthood, right?

Debbie: Mitt Romney famously says he would "get rid of" federal funding for Planned Parenthood if he had the chance.

Me: And Paul Ryan?

Debbie: Was one of more than 200 Republican cosponsors of a piece of legislation that would have narrowed the definition of rape.

Me: That's crazy, I can't imagine...

Debbie: The same Republican House that refuses to pass a jobs bill jumped at the opportunity to make life harder for victims of rape?

Me: What do Romney and Ryan think of Akin's latest statement?

Debbie: They've been trying to distance themselves from it... but Congressman Ryan has already partnered with Akin on a whole host of issues that restrict women's ability to make their own health care decisions. This kind of "leadership" is dangerously wrong for women, and I can't sit by and watch as these out of touch Republicans like Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan, and Todd Akin continue to roll back women's rights.

Me: So, what happens now?

Debbie: It's time for us to move forward, not back, on women's rights. Take a stand for women now.

Me: Thank you, Debbie. I will talk to you soon.

Debbie: Thanks, Jason.

Today's guest is the 22nd artist to be pheatured in the P.P.A.G. He goes by the name RobotrobotROBOT and might actually be a real robot. Please welcome to the Phile... RobotrobotROBOT.

Me: Hello, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Robot: Marvellous, thank you.

Me: So, should I call you Robot, or RobotrobotROBOT?

Robot: I prefer Exalted Leader.

Me: I will call you Robot. So, I take it you like robots?

Robot: They're okay s'pose.

Me: What is your favorite robot of all time?

Robot: Eli Wallach.

Me: I have no idea who that is. Where did the name RobotrobotROBOT come from?

Robot: It was actually a typo while signing up for some random web thing. I meant to type jfdjkhfiwenj... but I slipped.

Me: Where are you from, Robot?

Robot: I am from the past and I bring you knowledge of things you probably already know, what with the past being so well documented and all.

Me: I thought you were from Hemel Hepstead. Where is Hemel Hempstead anyway? I was born in London, but lived in Oxford. I do know where Hampstead Heath is though.

Robot: Hemel Hempstead is about 4000 miles from Winnipeg.

Me: You have done a lot of zombie and Star Wars stuff, Robot. What do you like to draw best?

Robot: I don't draw. I smash the mouse against the keyboard. Any by-products of that are purely coincidental.

Me: Zombie stuff has recently become really popular in the last few years. I am not big into zombie stuff, but I love Shaun of the Dead, and Zombieland. You must be a big fan of Shaun of the Dead as well I take it. Have you ever seen the show "The Walking Dead"?

Robot: Shaun and Zombieland are both great films and yes, I am a big fan of "The Walking Dead". Although I do think the greatest, and probably most overlooked zombie film of all time is Gigli starring Ben "Brraaaiiinnssss" Affleck.

Me: So, let's talk about Star Wars... I am a big Star Wars fan, and work at Star Tours at Disney. You have done so many Star Wars art pieces, what has bene your favorite one you did?

Robot: I like my Minimal Star Wars design. I did an even more minimal one comprising of a blank t-shirt but it didn't sell so well.

Me: What is your favorite Star Wars movie?

Robot: As far as I am concerned there is actually only one. There are nearly three... there certainly aren't six!

Me: I disagree. Anyway, why do you think so many artists do Star Wars and zombie art?

Robot: Easy money. I'm kidding. It's probably something to do with expressing oneself in an artistic manner within the confines of a popular culture icon. Or the money.

Me: I have to hand it to you, cudos on being the first artist featured in the Phile's art gallery to do "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" work. I love this piece you did, Robot.

Me: I am a big fan of the books, Douglas Adams and the movie. Did you like the movie?

Robot: Surprisingly I did.

Me: Do you remember watching the TV show on BBC?

Robot: Loved it. The TV series was my first exposure to "Hitchhikers Guide". Then I read the books. Then listened to the radio series.

Me: What kinda stuff did you draw as a kid robot, Robot?

Robot: Anatomically correct illustrations of dissected horses.

Me: What's your favorite tools you use? I love drawing with Sharpies myself.

Robot: The Thermal Lance.

Me: Is there one thing you would never draw or paint?

Robot: I'm not very good at painting smells.

Me: You did some cool guitar and music pieces and a few with a band called The Jetsonics. That label one is great. Are The Jetsonics a real band or a band you created?

Robot: The Jetsonics are a real band and can be found here amongst other places:

Me: Are you a musician as well?

Robot: Yes. Bass player mainly but I dabble with other instruments too.

Me: If you were gonna design a logo for the Peverett Phile, what would it look like? I'd want it to look like a record label.

Robot: My design would look like a record label with the Peverett Phile written on it.

Me: Robot, thanks so much for being on the Phile. I will definitely have you back if you're interested. I hope this was fun. Is there a website you'd like to plug?

Robot: I would like people to stop buying my t-shirts and go and donate something here instead:

Me: Thanks again, and keep up the good work, Robot.

Robot: Yur welcome...

Well, that about does it for today's entry. Thanks to my guests Debbie Wasserman Schultz and RobotrobotROBOT. The Phile will be back next Sunday with Alumni Adam Bentley from The Rest and on Monday it's Alumni Christine Leakey. Also next month I will announce the 23rd artist in the Phile's Art Gallery, and you'll be amazed who it is. I will give you a clue... he is also a musician in one of my favorite bands. You will find out in one week. Until then, spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

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