Sunday, August 19, 2012

Pheaturing Alumni Toots From Toots & the Maytals

Hey, kids, welcome to another entry of the Phile, how is it going?  Some people still can't believe Mitt Romney picked Paul Ryan as his running mate. Forty-three percent of Americans have never heard of Ryan and the others thought he was the private that Tom Hanks brought home from Normandy. Romney and Ryan kind of look like a father and son in an ad for Super Cuts. They say this could be a big boost for the Republican ticket and I was thinking, "Well, Joe Biden could be a big boost for the Republican ticket, you know?" Biden has made too many mistakes for Obama and he's fed up. So yesterday President Obama called Mitt Romney and asked Mitt if he would fire Biden. Republicans like Paul Ryan because they say he's a fiscal conservative, and that's a perfect balance for Romney who's a guy that has an elevator for his Cadillacs.  A government survey has found that for the first time, 12 states have what they described as very high obesity rates. The survey was conducted by telephone. It just as easily could have been conducted by mirror. It's a good thing people don't lie about their weight because otherwise we might be even fatter than we thought. Something very odd is going on in Saudi Arabia. Apparently they're planning to build a new city that will be reserved exclusively for women to work. We have a woman-only city here in America, too. It's called "The View" and it's terrifying. Just to make sure men don't sneak in, everyone entering the Saudi Arabian city will be forced to sit through the director's cut of Sex and the City 2.  Here's another joke about Romney... Mitt Romney said he wants to cut funding for things like Amtrak and PBS, both of which are subsidized by the government. I don't like the idea of cutting funds for PBS. Things are bad enough already. One of the Muppets is living in a garbage can.  A new Gallup poll shows that only 1 in 10 Americans approve of the job they're doing. A 10 percent approval rating is about the same approval rating that rabies has.  Are you kids Facebook fans? I think everybody is on Facebook, even of you don't have an account. Anyway, when Facebook stock went on the market, it was priced at $38 a share. Now, a share is worth $18.99. Market analysts have said we're not posting enough pictures of our cats on Facebook. Some investors are suing Facebook saying they were misled. Their CEO is a kid in a hoodie. That's how much we have been misled.  For the first time ever the U.S. men's soccer team beat Mexico in Mexico. And Americans reacted by not caring whatsoever.  I mentioned the Romney and Ryan ticket, did you see their new ad poster?

Well, here in Florida a lot of kids are going back to school already, and a certain store I won't name but it starts off with a wall and ends with something green is stocking up ready. Take a look at this, people.

So, true story... the other day my poor PT Cruiser wasn't starting and broke down. Luckily I wasn't on the road, but still in the parking lot at work. I was so happy the car didn't break down by this...

I have to show you this, kids. This is not a joke but something real. I found this photo on the internet and wanted to get to share it with you. I thought my guest today, Toots would get a kick out of it.

I need to find out who made this so I can get him or she on the Phile.  Okay, so last week I was going to show you a photo of a joke race between Taco Bell and McDonald's but changed my mind at the last minute as it was a sick disgusting joke, and I was worried I would be waaaayyyy crossing the line. So, I asked you readers, Facebook friends and close friends if I should show it and 60% of you said yes while 40% said no. The people that said no had good reasons for me not to show it, while the rest of you are just sick bastards. LOL. Anyway, I have made a decision. I will show the picture... but not the photo version. I will show you a drawing of it. And I will set the whole joke up. So, kids, here we go. Did you know Taco Bell and McDonald's are having their own competition to tie in to the Olympics? I am not sure who is winning, take a look.

It looks like it could be a tie. There. I am so glad that's over. Now we all can move on. Lets see who checked out last week.

Ron Palillo
Apr 2, 1949 - Aug 14, 2012
Horshack? Arnold Horshack was famous? How the fuck did that happen?

Johnny Pesky
Sept 27, 1919 - Aug 13, 2012
He was nicknamed "The Needle", and had a pole at Fenway named after him. You figure it out.

Helen Gurley Brown
Feb 18, 1922 - Aug 13, 2012
Brown is the new black.

Well, those Mayans were pretty smart, full of useful proverbs like the world is gonna end. I thought I would invite a friend back to the Phile to give us some Mayan proverb advice to help you get through the week. So, please welcome back to the Phile, everyone's favorite Mayan...

Me: Hello, Marvin, what advice do you have for us today?

Marvin: Nya b’a’n tu’n tnicy’in yol mo tu’n t-xi tewin jun ti’la cywutz ttijila, ku’n nokx ti’la c-ocila k’o’niy.

Me: Marvin, once again I don't know what you are saying, and I don't think the Phile readers will know as well. Can you translate?

Marvin: It is not good to lie or hide anything from your parents because you don’t know what they will change into.

Me: That's good advice, Marvin. I don't have to worry about anything as both of my parents have passed, but I will pass that onto my son. He knows what I will change into. Marvin the Modern Day Mayan, everybody.

Well, with Romney picking Paul Ryan as his running mate I am sure that is getting everybody in the Democratic party talking. Last week I had David Axelrod on the Phile to get his perspective, so today I thought I would invite another friend of the Phile to get her perspective. So, please welcome to the Phile once again, Chair for the Democratic National Committee... Debbie Wasserman Schultz.

Me: Hello, Debbie, welcome back to the Phile. So, what is your opinion of Paul Ryan?

Debbie: Hello, Jason. As a member of the House Budget Committee, I've seen firsthand just how extreme Paul Ryan is.

Me: Extreme? How so?

Debbie: I'm not going to mince words: Paul Ryan in the White House would be a nightmare.

Me: Wow, that is extreme. Go ahead and explain why, Debbie.

Debbie: Over the last two years, we've seen an unprecedented number of attacks on a woman's right to make her own health care decisions and Congressman Ryan has been at the forefront of all of them.

Me: He wants to end Medicare, right?

Debbie: Yes, he wants to end Medicare as we know it.

Me: What else?

Debbie: He co-sponsored a radical "personhood" bill that could have banned the birth control pill, in vitro fertilization, and all abortions... even in cases of rape or incest.

Me: What's more?

Debbie: He wants to allow states to criminally prosecute women who choose to have abortions and the doctors who perform them. We cannot afford to let this man be a heartbeat away from the presidency.

Me: So, what can we do? Romney does have a good chance to win.

Debbie: It's up to us to do everything we can to give Democrats the resources to defeat the Romney-Ryan campaign and Republicans across the board in November.

Me: I know you are busy, Debbie, so I will let you go. Is there anything else you wanna say?

Debbie: Stand up for the right of women to make their own decisions... and to keep Paul Ryan and other Republicans from taking that right away.

Me: Thanks, Debbie. I will talk to you soon.

Debbie: Thanks, Jason.

The 22nd artist to be pheatured in the P.P.A.G. is someone who calls himself RobotrobotROBOT and this is one of his pieces.

I like Feargal the Shark better. LOL. Anyway, RobotrobotROBOT will be a guest on the Phile tomorrow.

Okay, kids, today's Alumni pheatured guest was last on the Phile on the 200th entry just last year on July 4th. I cannot believe he is back on the Phile already. He is a ska and roots reggae singer and leader of the reggae band Toots & the Maytals who have a new album out called "Unplugged on Strawberry Hill" and a DVD documentary called "Reggae Got Soul". They will next be appearing tomorrow at Castle Festival in Turku, Finland. Please welcome back to the Phile... Toots Hibbert.

Me: Hello, Toots, welcome back to the Phile, sir. How have you been?

Toots: Good, busy in my studio.

Me: Last time you were here you said your friends call you Nyah. What does that mean?

Toots: It is my spiritual name... man of God.

Me: It's been about one year since you were here. I didn't think I'd ever have you back on the Phile so thank you. Since you were here last you have released a new live CD "Unplugged At Strawberry Hill" and a documentary "Reggae Got Soul", sir. Is that the same documentary that you mentioned last year that was on TV in England?

Toots: Yes, came out July 2 along with our acoustic DVD and CD.

Me: Is there anything on the documentary that wasn't covered that you wish could be covered?

Toots: Well, it's hard to put 50 years in 1 hour but it is great.

Me: Good point. Where is Strawberry Hill? I have heard of Strawberry Fields, but not Strawberry Hill. I am guessing it's in Jamaica, am I right?

Toots: In the mountains outside of Kingston.

Me: While I have The Beatles on my mind I have to say I love your version of "Hey Jude" you did for a reggae Beatles compilation album. Did you guys choose that song yourself?

Toots: Yes.

Me: My dad used to say there are Stones people and they are Beatles people. Which band do you like best, sir? I am guessing the Stones, am I right?

Toots: Love both but we are friends with the Stones and have toured with them.

Me: Yeah, I like this picture with you and Keith Richards.

Me: Okay, back to your new CD, what made you decide to do an acoustic live album, sir? Is unplugged something you wanted to do for awhile?

Toots: Yes always wanted to and people have been asking for it.

Me: When you recorded that album, it was filmed for the documentary as well, right?

Toots: Yes, and it came out so good we wanted to put it out.

Me: Your daughters sing back up with you on the album, Toots, which is very cool. Have they been singing with you for long? You and your wife must be very proud.

Toots: Many years... of course.

Me: When you started out as a performer, The Maytals were a ska band. Do you consider The Maytals more ska then reggae? How would you compare the two?

Toots: We love all types of music.

Me: What is your favorite ska band, sir? Did you see Madness play on the roof of Buckingham Palace at the Queens Jubilee this year?

Toots: Missed it... probably the Skatalites... like Madness too.

Me: I have to mention something, sir, you've been known to smoke marijuana once or twice... or ganja, it's the same thing, right? Anyway, what do you think about marijuana being legal in California? Is it legal in Jamaica?

Toots: It's not legal in Jamaica... just medical in California.

Me: You explained before what a Maytal is, sir, but who named the band? When you started performing with them the band had a different name, am I right?

Toots: Me and Raleigh & Jerry... not really.

Me: You toured with The Who in '75 and '76, which was a big year for rock. Foghat was big then as well... anyway, how did that tour go? Was that the first big tour you guys did?

Toots: That was big and different.

Me: Were you a fan of rock bands such as Kiss, Foghat, Aerosmith and The Who back then?

Toots: Yeh, I like rock.

Me: You must have a favorite gig you ever played, am I right?

Toots: Not really.

Me: Oh. Anyway, Toots, before I let you go, I have to ask you about The Toots Foundation. When did you set it up? Explain to the readers what it is for.

Toots: We set it up 8 years ago to help the poor and the sick especially youths in Jamaica we hope to open a school or youth center one day.

Me: Thanks so much for being here, please plug your website and please come back when your next project comes out. Take care, my friend.

Toots: Blessings to all my fans and family.

Well, that about does it for today's entry. Thanks to Debbie Wasserman Schultz and of course Toots. He is a man of few words, but it is such an honor to have him here on the Phile... twice. I hope he does come back again. The Phile will be back tomorrow with artist RobotrobotROBOT and then next Sunday it's Alumni Adam Bentley from The Rest and on Monday Alumni Christine Leakey. It's also the last weekend of summer on the Phile. Spread the word, not the turd, don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

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