Thursday, April 20, 2006

Say It With Flowers

I know you thing that I'm crazy but I dont want to be pushing up daisies. I'll say it with flowers on your wedding day, I'll say it with flowers when you walk away, I'll say it with flowers, its all I have to say. Hello, and welcome to another entry of the Phile. At Epcot tomorrow the International Flower and Garden Festival starts, or as I like to call it...Allergy Season. It's the 13th year of the celebration, and not to be confused with the Pansy Festival in June. Lets see what is going on in the news. We are about to go to war with Iran. A woman in Los Angeles has the bubonic plague. Iraq's a mess...but the big story, Tom and Katie had their baby! Tom Cruise was on the "Today Show” this morning lecturing Matt Lauer on diaper rash. During the week, the White House sponsored the annual Easter Egg Roll on the South Lawn. The winning child found six eggs and 14 lobbyists hiding in the bushes. For the first time ever, President Bush welcomed some gay couples to the White House Easter Egg Roll. He recognized one couple. He went over to then and said, "Didn't you used to be governor of New Jersey?" So, did everyone pay their taxes? President Bush had to ask for an extension on his taxes. He's still trying to decide whether or not to write off Donald Rumsfeld. I don't want to say that Donald Rumsfeld is in trouble, but this morning they found him hiding in a spider hole. This week is the 100th anniversary of the devastating San Francisco earthquake. 100 years ago! The devastating earthquake happened 100 years ago. FEMA is on the way. There's a bill on the senate floor in California to make gay studies mandatory in high school. Kids would have to study gay history. Gay history is a little different. They call the Great Depression when Judy Garland died. If I seem a little down it’s because six former generals have called for my resignation. In the world of sports, In a feature article in "Sports Illustrated” on Kobe Bryant, a professor at USC said Kobe is not very popular with fans. He said that Kobe has about as much street creed as Dick Cheney. Actually Cheney has more street creed - he actually shot a guy.

P.P. T.V.

Secret Wars Re-Enactment Society This one's only for the comic book geeks.

Foghat  Meghan sings about takin' a "slow ride"!
Slow Ride By Foghat Better Than The Vid I Made For Silent Night
Dancing At Foghat Concert LMFAO! Drunk guy dancing at Foghat concert at Battle Creek Michigan 2005!
This week's Sharpening Axes I will  bring you my list of ten things that look like a female’s “private area”. I say “private area” because if I didn’t say that, this site would suddenly jump into dirtyville on some internet rankings, and we don’t live in dirtyville so anyway - here that are... 1) Dick Cheney’s mouth 2) They ‘Eye of Sauron’ 3) Jabba-The-Hutt’s grotesque mouth 4) A lemon 5) The knot in a tree trunk 6) What would a woo-woo list be without a Georgia O’Keefe painting 7) Some rock and moss (no, not Kate Moss) 8) One of those hideous ‘bugs’ from Starship Troopers 9) Another Georgia O’Keefe painting because I am getting desperate 10) The forehead of Jason Alexander’s alien in his ‘Star Trek’ guest appearance.
Mark Twain was born on the day of the appearance of Halley's Comet in 1835, and died on the day of its next appearance in 1910. He himself predicted this in 1909, when he said: "I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it."
Morgan Robertson's 1898 novella Futility had many parallels with the RMS Titanic disaster; the book concerned a fictional state-of-the-art ocean liner called Titan, which (like the Titanic) eventually collides with an iceberg on a calm April night whilst en route to New York, with many dying because of the lack of lifeboats. Various other details in the book coincide with the Titanic disaster. Later, she wrote a book, Beyond the Spectrum, that described a future war fought with aircraft that carried "sun bombs". Incredibly powerful, one bomb could destroy a city, erupting in a flash of light that blinds all who look at it. The war begins in December, started by the Japanese with a sneak attack on Hawaii.
On February 13, 1746, a Frenchman, Jean Marie Dubarry, was executed for the murder of his father. Precisely 100 years later, on February 13, 1846, another Frenchman, also named Jean Marie Dubarry, was executed - for the murder of his father.
On the 26th November, 1911, three men were hanged at Greenberry Hill in London after being convicted of the murder of Sir Edmund Berry. Their names were Green, Berry and Hill.
The British actor Anthony Hopkins [who shot to fame as Hannibal Lecter] was delighted to hear that he had landed a leading role in a film based on the book The Girl From Petrovka by George Feifer. A few days after signing the contract, Hopkins travelled to London to buy a copy of the book. He tried several bookshops, but there wasn't one to be had. Waiting at Leicester Square underground for his train home, he noticed a book apparently discarded on a bench. Incredibly, it was The Girl From Petrovka. That in itself would have been coincidence enough but in fact it was merely the beginning of an extraordinary chain of events. Two years later, in the middle of filming in Vienna, Hopkins was visited by George Feifer, the author. Feifer mentioned that he did not have a copy of his own book. He had lent the last one - containing his own annotations - to a friend who had lost it somewhere in London. With mounting astonishment, Hopkins handed Feifer the book he had found. 'Is this the one?' he asked, 'with the notes scribbled in the margins?' It was the same book.
  • A British officer, Major Summerford, while fighting in the fields of Flanders in February 1918 was knocked off his horse by a flash of lightning and paralyzed from the waist down. Summerford retired and moved to Vancouver. One day in 1924, as hefished alongside a river, lightning hit the tree he was sitting under and paralyzed his right side. Two years later Summerford was sufficiently recovered that he was able to take walks in a local park. He was walking there one summer day in 1930 when a lightning bolt smashed into him, permanently paralyzing him. He died two years later. But lightning sought him out one last time. Four years later, during a storm, lightning struck a cemetery and destroyed a tombstone. The deceased buried here? Major Summerford. Next entry I will try to find some more coincidences. Right now, I have the creeps.

    Ratings for Dalek, the sixth episode of the new series broadcast on the Sci Fi Channel in the US, have come in, and are sadly not welcome news. The telecast averaged a 1.17 household rating with an average viewing audience of 1.3 million viewers, making it the lowest rated original Doctor Who broadcast of the season to date. However, it is important to note that this was a holiday weekend, which could explain the sudden drop in viewers from the previous week.


    Because of my increasing disillusionment with the show, I decided to watch last night’s episode of The Amazing Race like I used to: no notebook. Watching the race by perpetually rewinding whenever someone says something dumb definitely kills the tension. I was doing really well until Jeremy rolled down his window and asked a man, “Excuse me, how do we get to the ferries? … Straight? Okay.” Ijust had to write that down. But the rest of the leg wasn’t really full of all kinds of zany and crazy one-liners. Ray and Yolanda didn’t get along for most of the episode, and at one point, Yolanda, digging to find something that was buried, responded to Ray’s sideline help by hysterically muttering, “Your momma got a pattern goin’.” The biggest moments came at the end of the race, however: Fran and Berry came in first place. The look on Phil’s face when they arrived on the mat suggested he thought the production crew was playing a joke on him. But Fran and Barry actually beat every other team, including Eric and Jeremy, who came in fourth, and BJ and Tyler, who came in last. While BJ and Tyler’s misfortune caused them to mute their insufferable assclown nature, they were saved by the first nonelimination leg, and promised to be even more wild and crazy in the future. One of them said, “Our fun-loving, goofy attitude has gotten us this far and we’re still going to use it in the next leg of the race.” I can’t wait.


    LANDLORD Tim Platt took matters into his own hands when he was barred from his local pub - he stumped up the cash and bought it. The 52-year-old was banned from his local, the White Lion, in Hampton-in-Arden, where he had been drinking for 30 years, after criticising the new decor. He didn't like the pub's change from a traditional boozer to a gastropub and was overheard airing his views to other regulars. The next thing he knew, he was sent a postcard of the pub, saying he was no longer welcome. He said he disliked the way the traditional thick red carpet, local memorabilia and wall brasses had been replaced by bare floorboards and a modern, minimalist, decor. Mr Platt, who lives in Hampton-in-Arden, said: "It was a sad day - it's a traditional village local but it was becoming bare boards and characterless. "I voiced my opinion. It should serve food with beer, not food and no beer." So when that landlord left and the pub came up for sale, Mr Platt, who had always dreamed of owning a pub, jumped at the chance to buy it. He joined forces with old Solihull School pal John Thorne, aged 53, and put in a successful bid. Now, Mr Platt, who used to own Spirals restaurant, in Knowle, Warwickshire, said he's returning the White Lion to his vision of a traditional country pub. He added: "Business is going well and Ithink a lot of the villagers who were unhappy, as I was, are now returning to the pub. "There was an element of surprise when people heard I was buying the pub but there's been a lot of support in the village and people appreciate what we're trying to do." Mr Platt is looking to put up old pictures and memorabilia of the village in the pub. Anyone with anything of interest can call the White Lion on 01675 442833.


    Q: What's an Australian kiss? A: It's the same as a French kiss, but "down under."
    Q: How do you get a drummer off your porch? A: Pay him for the pizza.
    A guy in a bar approaches an attractive woman and asks, "Can I buy you a whiskey?" She thinks for a second and answers, "No, you can't. Whiskey is bad for my legs." He says, "That's a shame, do they swell?" The woman replies, "No, they open."


    Are the arrows red or blue?


    Bill Gates wants to send you money: You would be paid for every e-mail you forwarded. Grandparents and the mildly retarded fell for this one again and again. Most people forwarded it with a disclaimer saying they figured it was probably fake, but sent it around just in case. Jackasses. Gates himself is reportedly still pissed off about this one, as he sits atop his giant pile of money while wearing his suit made of $100 bills.


    [ Click Here to View Images ]As reported last week, Disney's Star Wars Weekends is ramping up for the 2006 summer season at the Disney-MGM Studios in Florida, bringing with it a great new assortment of exclusives for Star Wars and/or Disney collectors. What follows is a checklist of what fans can expect to find at the park starting May 19:

    • Skagen Darth Vader watch with resin helmet box, limited to 500
    • SWW 2006 embroidered logo baseball cap with Imperial emblem
    • SWW 2006 embroidered logo baseball cap with Darth Vader
    • Messenger bag with Star Wars Weekends logo appliqué
    • Rubber bracelet with Rebel Alliance logo icon
    • Rubber bracelet with Imperial logo icon
    • Keychain with 2006 SWW poster art
    • Magnet with 2006 SWW poster art
    • Ceramic mug with 2006 SWW poster art
    • SWW 2006 logo tumbler
    • Darth Vader Goofy Beanie
    • Hero/Villain with lightsaber boxed pin set of 8, limited to 500
    • Pin-on-pin saga scenes with SWW 2006 logo; eight different, sold
    • Framed set of nine pins, including eight saga scene pin-on-pins and Yoda vs. Vader pin-on-pin; limited to 100
    • Star Wars saga jumbo pin-on-pin, limited to 750
    • SWW 2006 logo t-shirt, adult and youth sizes
    • SWW 2006 polo with poster art appliqué
    • SWW 2006 jacket with poster art appliqué
    • SWW 2006 ladies t-shirt with glitter poster art
    • SWW 2006 artwork poster by Russell Walks
    • SWW 2006 coins; nickel, bronze, silver-plate, and gold-plate, sold individually
    • SWW 2006 bundled coin set, consisting of coins listed above
    • SWW 2006 pure silver coin
    • Crystal Magic laser-engraved crystal presentation, 2006 SWW poster art; edition size of 50-75

    And now for...


    The Break-Up: The third act was reportedly reshot because test audiences couldn't deal with Vince's and Jen's characters not winding up together. The problem: They apparently hated the happy ending too. With both on the DVD, you'll get twice the disappointment!

    X-Men 3: The Last Stand: Watch for scattered chunks of the completely demolished Golden Gate Bridge in this behind-the-scenes video. And there are some really cool machines that spit fireballs. You simply cannot go wrong with fireballs. It's a fact: The more fireballs a movie has, the more awesome it is. What they should have done with The Break-Up is have Vince Vaughn shoot fireballs out of his eyes or something. Wicked.

    The Da Vinci Code: This Da Vinci Code symbol game makes me feel dumb(er). I mean, I can't even figure out the rules: "Use your logic skills and drag the symbols onto the grid such that the symbols on each row are all distinct, and the symbols in each shaded region are all distinct. Some symbols may have already been placed and cannot be moved." What? How the heck am I supposed to understand these clips if I can't even play the damn game?

    The Gospel According To Janis: Pink, the one person in the casting race who can actually sing, has dropped out, leaving Scarlett Johansson and Lindsay Lohan as the front-runners. I vote for Scarlett, if only because she's less likely to attempt a cover version of "Piece of My Heart."

    And now for my review of The Wild.

    A fake Lion King zoo-dweller fills his cub's head with stories of a glorious life in far-off Africa and ends up having to go there to retrieve his wayward son when the kid is accidentally shipped away. Yes, it's as boring as it sounds. Did Disney actually make this movie? Because it looks as though it was farmed out to some cut-rate 3-D animation sweatshop. I'm talking bland, poorly articulated, personality-free character design on the order of Hoodwinked and Doogal. Oh, you didn't see those two? Logan and I see every CGI animated movie that comes out. Hoodwinked and Doogal were great, but The Wild wasn't that funny. I didn't laugh once, but Logan did. Would your children be able to sit through and understand the early Disney masterpieces if they'd been filled with slang from their respective eras? So what hip cat decided to make sure a character in this one talks about "bling"? And to have animals talking in that played-out surfer-dude accent? Number of Lines Involving Jokes About Poop or Flatulence: I counted about five. It's not gross. It's not funny. It's lazy. What's good about this mess is Eddie Izzard as a defensive, constantly annoyed koala bear, the two Iguanas who were in it for a minute and the scenes in Times Square, one of my favorite places on the planet. My score from 1 to 10, The Wild gets a 7.

    Well, that's it for another entry of the Phile. Don't forget to check out my Webshots page at . I added pictures from Easter. I will leave you with another random picture. Remember, spread the word and not the turd.

    Click for a random picture!





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