Pheaturing Phile Alum Alexis White From Raised On Wilder

Hey there, how are you? Welcome to a Sunday entry of the Phile. How was your week? I hope no one crashed their SUV into the side of your house. That actually happened to a friend of mine. He now has a religious house... it's holy. Anyway, what's going on in the news?  The GOP-controlled Utah state congress passed a piece of legislation that been backed by both gay and Mormon leaders (also probably some closeted gay Mormon leaders). "The Utah compromise," as it's being called, prohibits employment and housing discrimination against gay people and women in pretty much all cases except when it comes to the Mormon Church, which will retain the right to continue its proud tradition of bigotry and suppression.  Palcohol... alcohol that is available to consumers in powdered form for ease of accidental poisoning has been once again approved for sale by the U.S. Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau. This is a great day for American commerce and terrible day for humanity as a whole. Powdered alcohol is now legal in the America. Let natural selection begin. Robin Thicke and Pharrell Williams' 2013 hit "Blurred Lines" was found by an L.A. jury to be a ripoff of Marvin Gaye's 1977 classic "Got to Give It Up," even though the two songs don't really have all that much in common aside from a ineffable feeling. Unfortunately, you cannot get sued for writing a song that glamorizes date rape and has the creepiest, most-sexist music video in decades.  A new scientific study has found that chameleons may expand and contract nanocrystals in their skin in order to change color to blend in with their surroundings. Because everything has to have nano-something nowadays.  While Gizmodo's Mario Aguilar makes a compelling argument for why none of us should buy this first-generation version of the Apple Watch, we're all in agreement that we're all going to buy the watch eventually, right? I mean, not right away! We'll obviously spend a lot of time mocking it and making fun of the people we see wearing it. But then, in a couple months or a couple years, we'll start quietly eyeballing it online and trying to work its $350 selling price into our budgets. This is just the cycle of things. It's best to accept it.  I was looking at the Apple Watch and I don't think it's what I thought it was.

I'm allergic to apples so I wouldn't like it I don't think.  Here's a story that when I first read I thought no. Nope. No way. No thanks. Bye. This is a screen shot of a video that was posted by Jarred Smith, a 22-year-old resident of Sydney, Australia, who found the six-foot python just hanging out in his corn flakes box.

A few things: No. Hell no. If any snake is going to show up in a corn flakes box, it should be a corn snake. Snakes of the world, you guys are missing a huge opportunity for brand synergy here. Chris McGreal from the New South Wales Wildlife Information, Rescue and Education Service came to remove the snake. According to an article in Australia's Independent, "The python was over 2m long and I couldn't ­believe it was jammed into this small cereal box," Mr McGreal said. "When I got there I ­actually had to tear the box to get it out, that's how tightly squeezed in it was. It's likely it was hiding in there to feel secure." Look, snake, I get it. I've curled up in the corner of the room when I was feeling sad plenty of times. But I never did it in somebody's food. Then again, that is probably a good way to get attention. If that's what you were going for, snake, I applaud your ingenuity.  So, have you seen that picture of Obama and Kim Jong-Un shaking hands? No? Well, take a look...

Wait. A. Minute. Something doesn't look right. No, that's not today's Mindphuck. Kim Jong-Un doesn't look like that. He looks like this...

That's so stupid. Haha.  Okay, as you know I live in Florida and some weird stories come out of Florida that wouldn't come out of anywhere else. That's why I started a pheature called...

There's no denying that things shaped like penises are hilarious. Now, one brave pilot in a two-seater has devoted the time, energy, and fuel costs necessary to draw a penis in the sky. Flightradar24 captured the spectacle outside Kissimmee, Florida the other night.

There's no word yet on who the pilot might be, or why he or she took the time to create this important public service announcement. But I sure do appreciate the visual. However, if that yellow L-shaped thing is supposed to be a vagina, I'm not impressed.

Gene Gene the Dancing Machine 
April 25th, 1932 — March 13th, 2015 
He closed "The Gong Show" for years with his crazy, wiggly-footed dancing. Now that, my friends, is a celebrity.

Sam Simon
June 6th, 1955 — March 8th, 2015
D'oh!

Haha. If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Now, just now I mentioned Sam Simon... well, I have to say something better about him than just "d'oh." At 59, Sam Simon has left the world too soon, but he made an impact. One of the co-creators of "The Simpsons", along with Matt Groening and James L. Brooks, he could easily have sat back and let the accolades roll over him forever. Instead, he dedicated his life to philanthropy and his passionate love of animals, using most of that crazy Simpsons money to create The Sam Simon Foundation, which rescues stray dogs and rehabilitates them to be family pets, service dogs, and companions for soldiers returning from combat. He was also SO FUNNY! I'm not used to thinking of vegan, animal rights activists as people with a sense of humor, but Sam Simon proved it was possible. He pitched the original idea for Homer's Land of Chocolate vision and former Simpsons writer Ken Levine is quoted saying, “I'm here to tell you, the real creative force behind 'The Simpsons' was Sam Simon. The tone, the storytelling, the level of humor... that was all developed on Sam's watch." Let's pour one out for Sam Simon, pet a dog, have a veggie burger and remember him how he wanted to be remembered...

Okay, guess what time it is? He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. It's...

Reason #65,352 of why I have always been an idiot who says as he pleases... and that all THIS is not just some persona I adopted recently. Just after graduating high school, I went to meet a woman I was dating who worked as a DJ at Hammerheads in West Islip. She was there with her best friend who was dating Richie Blackmore. We all stood at the bar with Him while he was scouting Bobby Rondinelli (who was playing that night) for a newly revamped version of Rainbow... Richie was looking for a singer as well. I was 18 years old and I was drinking with one of my idols who was looking for a singer. Perhaps, when he asked what my favorite Deep Purple album was, I shouldn't have said "Come Taste the Band." You know... the one they recorded with Tommy Bolin on guitar. Yeah... right after that, Richie asked Joe Lynn Turner from New Jersey to sing for him. Yyyyyyyyyyep... I'm a dick.

Bobby Rondineli? I interviewed him on the Phile. Anyway, the 36th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Jim will be a guest for the third time in a few weeks.

Today's pheatured guest is a Phile Alum who is a singer, artist and photographer. She has a new music project she's working on with her husband called Raised On Wilder. I'm so excited to have her back on the Phile. Please welcome back... Alexis White.

Me: Hey, Alexis!!!! Welcome back to the Phile! It's been way to long. How have you been?

Alexis: Hey, Jason! It has been a long while. I'm well, thank you.

Me: Last time you were here was for the Phile's 6th anniversary entry, and I just had the Phile's 9th anniversary. Thank you for taking part, Alexis. Was it fun?

Alexis: Wow! Congrats! It was my pleasure to be a part of it, and yes, it was fun!

Me: Can you believe this stupid little blog is still going on?

Alexis: I'm just so impressed that you've been doing this for nine years. I do believe the Phile is still going on because clearly you're a dedicated writer and you have plenty of fans. But it's still an amazing accomplishment.

Me: Before the anniversary entry you were here on January 1st and you were plugging your new album "Unsettled Heart" and your artwork. Have you released any music since then?

Alexis: No, not officially.

Me: "Unsettled Heart" is an album of 31 songs. That's like three albums right there, Alexis. I can't remember, did you plan on releasing so much music at once?

Alexis: I don't think I planned on that. The recording process was (intentionally) kind of lo-fi. So once I had everything set up, I recorded all of my personal favorite songs that I had written during the years prior. That's kind of embarrassing to have 31 personal favorites of my own songs. Maybe I should call them "personal attachments" instead.

Me: Do you perform any of the songs on "Unsettled Heart" still?

Alexis: Yes, Robert and I play some of them in our band Raised On Wilder.

Me: So, are you still doing art and photography?

Alexis: Yes, but mostly for my own enjoyment these days. I'm doing photography more than art, mostly working at improving my technique and capturing photos of all the places I get to visit. I share my photos via Flickr, and I use some of my photos in a travel blog called Sound To Shore that I co-founded with my friend, Sarah.

Me: Okay, you're from Pennsylvania, but lived by Nashville when I first interviewed you about six years ago or so, is that right?

Alexis: That's right. I'm from Punxsutanwy, PA and I lived in Murfreesboro, TN.

Me: Then you moved to Nova Scotia, way up in Canada. Do you still live there?

Alexis: I do.

Me: Do you like living there? I bet it's cold there most of the time.

Alexis: I like it for the most part. I like the landscape and ocean... the hiking and cycling trails are wonderful. It does get much colder here than in Florida, but you get used to it.

Me: And you were working with grey hounds... are you still doing that?

Alexis: Yes, I was. We adopted two greyhounds, Huxley and Lewis. So, I don't have much time to help at the kennel anymore. But at least these two babies have a home!

Me: Your husband... Robert is in the military, am I right? How is he doing?

Alexis: You're right. He's doing really well.

Me: Is he the reason you moved to Nova Scotia?

Alexis: Yes.

Me: Have you visited Pennsylvania or Nashville recently?

Alexis: I haven't visited Nashville since I left in 2011, but I visited Pennsylvania this past December. 

Me: Cool. I'm gonna be there myself in a few weeks. Okay, you released music in the past as Oh, Alexis. Are you still gonna do that?

Alexis: I'm not sure. I kind of doubt it. I prefer to be in a band and try to remain somewhat incognito. 

Me: You know, I have a "band" called Strawberry Blondes Forever. You should check our album out called "How Do You Know My Name?" I'm the songwriter for it, Alexis. I find it hard to write songs, do you find it easy or hard?

Alexis: Yes, I know about Strawberry Blondes Forever. I listened to y'all not too long ago... great stuff! I think you're right about songwriting being hard. I used to think it was easy, but I've come to understand that I enjoy the challenge and the act of creating so much that I don't realize it's difficult. I just finished a song today that I've been writing for 5 years, so I think that was probably a hard song to write.

Me: Do you still do a lot of songwriting?

Alexis: I think so. I used to constantly search for the next song by writing lyrics as often as possible, but these days I do more contemplation and I don't try to finish songs right away. I was never in pursuit of quantity with songwriting, but that seems to be what I was getting (with some decent quality here and there). I guess I'm going for quality over quantity these days, which is a challenge since it's more natural for me to make songs like bunnies make bunnies.

Me: Is Robert into your music?

Alexis: Yeah. He tends to prefer the songs that I don't care for as much, which is strange, but probably a good thing.

Me: So, what does Raised On Wilder mean? Gene Wilder? Or is Wilder a drink? Haha.

Alexis: I'm not sure if Wilder is a drink, but Greyhounds are delicious drinks! Robert and I share a love for the "Little House On The Prairie" books written by Laura Ingalls Wilder. It's incredible how the books we read have the power to shape our character and influence who we are. We still daydream about living in a log cabin someday, and we suspect it's because we loved those books so much!

Me: I was listening to your music the other day and love the song "I Hate Money." I love that song. Do you really hate money? I wanted to ask you that last time you were here.

Alexis: Man, it seems like so long ago that I wrote that song! Yeah, I really hate money... maybe it's better for me to say that I hate greed, excess, and materialism. But I do hate money. It's gross. You never know where it's been...

Me: I love money myself. Haha. You don't have any music up on iTunes anymore, Alexis. What happened?

Alexis: I hate money.

Me: Of course. Did you know there's a musician named Ryan Cassata who has an album and song called "Oh, Alexis"?

Alexis: I do. I doubt it has anything to do with me, but I could make an album in response called "Orion." That might be fun. I like stars.

Me: That's very funny. You're in another duo called Good Luck Ola. Last time you were here you said you and the other member of that band... Heather, right? You and Heather were gonna do a tour in Nova Scotia. Did you do that, and how was it?

Alexis: Yep, I'm in a duo called Good Luck Ola, although to say I'm "in a duo" might be misleading because it may imply that we live in the same city and play together regularly. We don't. Heather lives in Nashville, and I'm here in Halifax. We keep in touch and we still talk about music that would be great to play together... and when we're able to get together, we do and we play lots of music. We didn't necessarily tour Nova Scotia, but Heather did come visit me in 2012 and we performed in Halifax. It was a nice show... you can find videos of it on YouTube. We also performed at a coal mining memorial concert with some super-talented musicians in my hometown (Punxsutawney, PA) last year.

Me: Are you gonna do more music with Heather?

Alexis: We don't have specific plans for it, but I'm sure that we will make more music together the next time we have the chance. We do have a list of songs that could be used for a new Good Luck Ola album.

Me: Do you like working with other people such as Rob and Heather or your own better?

Alexis: I like working with other musicians a lot. I prefer to perform with other musicians, and I love to jam with others. That being said, I value the times I get to play at home with no one else around. I think I like writing alone and co-writing the same (though they are considerably different processes) ... but I haven't co-written in ages.

Me: You and Robert make a cute couple. I love this picture of you and he in the ocean.

Me: How long have you been together?

Alexis: Thank you! We've been together for five years. 

Me: You really must like working with him, am I right?

Alexis: I do!

Me: Alexis, thank you for being on the Phile again. In the last two years I have been asking random questions thanks to Tabletopics. What one fear would you like to conquer?

Alexis: I suspect I have a subconscious fear of math. So I'd like to conquer that. I would love to be able to do higher level math equations, like beyond calculus.

Me: I suck at math myself. Anyway, thanks so much for coming back. Please come back when your next project comes out, and maybe I can interview both you and Rob. Plug your websites and take care. All the best, keep in touch!

Alexis: You're welcome. Thank you for inviting me back. I look forward to coming back. Yes, a dual interview would be fun. We'll keep in touch! Cheers! Folkwritelove.wordpress.com,  soundtoshore.wordpress.com, goodluckola.com.

Well, that about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Laird Jim and Alexis White. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Ethan Gold and his brother Phile Alum Ari Gold. So, spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

Pheaturing Jeff R. Trelewicz

Hey there, and welcome to the Phile. How are you doing?  Senator Ted Cruz... who criticized Barack Obama last year when the President refused to prosecute pot growers in Colorado has apparently changed his mind and now supports states' rights to legalize marijuana. While speaking at CPAC earlier this week, Cruz offered, "If the citizens of Colorado decide they want to go down that road, that's their prerogative." This would mark the first reasonable position held by the Texas legislator, and it's probably making a lot of marijuana supporters wonder if they might have something wrong somehow. Here's how to win the war on drugs... 1) legalize all drugs. 2) require that all drugs be purchased through Brighthouse customer service.  More than 300 Republican leaders have signed a letter asking the Supreme Court to support same-sex marriage in its upcoming historic decision. Among those who have signed the letter are Rudy Giuliani, David Koch and several tops aides to Mitt Romney in his 2012 presidential campaign. "One of the points that I hope people appreciate when they read the brief is that supporting marriage equality is, in fact, the conservative position," explained organizer Ken Mehlman, who helped propel George W. Bush into the White House by appealing to Americans' homophobia. It's the beginning of the "Uh, yeah, well, Republicans actually were always for same-sex marriage" alibi.  One week after ISIS released footage of its members destroying 3,000-year-old artworks in an Iraqi museum, we are now learning that the extremist organization is literally bulldozing its way through the ancient Assyrian city of Nimrud, because they apparently worship a god who is as disdainful of priceless historic artifacts as any nine year old. Allstar Marketing Group... the makers of that ridiculous Snuggie have been fined $8 million dollars for years of false advertising. While I'm not particularly upset with the ruling, I have to admit that I kind of feel like they did a pretty great job of representing their product as something I would never want anywhere near my person. Snuggie: The blanket that understands your depression. Hmmm. Maybe I will get one after all.  Two out of three people who smoke cigarettes will ultimately die from conditions associated with their habit, according to the National Centre for Epidemiology and Population Health at the Australian National University. The figure gets even higher if you consider the fact that rising tobacco prices means that smokers are often forced to choose between buying a pack of cigarettes and paying rent to protect themselves from the elements.  A new survey of 15,000 penises... conducted by some British researchers who will probably be very happy to not look at another penis again for a long while has found that the average length of the average man's thingamajig is 5.16 inches. That should bring some comfort to a lot of men who likely spent a lot of their lives feeling below average in the underwear department. And it will likely make a good number of other men feel even more bummed out than ever. Fun fact about mine: I have a penis-shaped dick. Ummm... moving on.  At the Star Wars Celebration convention in Anaheim sometime in April they are gonna be showing a brand new Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailer. Well, here on the Phile I have an exclusive picture from that trailer. Wanna see it?

Man, those Frozen characters are taking over.  I was flicking through the channels the other day and I stumbled across "Wheel of Fortune" and I thought I figured out the sentence... but I was waayyy off.

See how I could think of something else? No? Great. I'm the sick bastard.  Hey, wanna see something stupid?

Haha. That's so bloody stupid.  One of the things I like to do in my spare time is to go on Twitter and look up certain words. One of those words I look up is 'Foghat' and this is one Tweet I recently found.

I don't get it, but thank you Evangelium Christi. Speaking of Foghat I found this on-line and thought I'd share it. It's a billboard from 1874 and I thought was really cool.

I love to shop, but sometimes I don't feel like going out, so thank God you can shop on-line. Anyway, here's a new pheature about items you should only ever buy online...

Books

So Amazon, Google, the NSA, and anyone else who's looking thinks that you read.

No, the answer is they are not all virgins. Ha. If you spot the Mindphuck let me know.

Malaysian Airlines Flight 370 
Malaysian Airlines Flight 370 is a popular television show that first aired on CNN March 8, 2014 and continues running to this day.

Alright, today's guest has been one of my best friends for the last 15 years or so. You know him from the Phootball Talk pheature on the Phile. Now he's the author of "Everything Comes Full Circle",  the 35th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club. Please welcome to the Phile... Jeff R. Trelewicz.

Me: Jeff! Welcome back to the Phile. You've been here many of times over the years but this time you are the pheatured guest. How does that make you feel? About fucking time, right? I would of had you here awhile ago my my life got shall we say... complicated.

Jeff: For all the times that I have appeared on the Phile for Phootball Talk and my various other appearances, it is great to be here finally as pheatured guest. Or should I say phinally! And don't worry about it. You weren't the only one whose life got complicated.

Me: Okay, before we talk about your book and everything let's talk about football... we didn't get to finish Phootball Talk and pick the playoff games and Super Bowl as my life got in the way. As you know and some readers might or might not know I am going through a divorce so that put the Phile on hold. Anyway, I have to announce you won this season football picks, Jeff. What was the final score, do you know?

Jeff: I had to go double check the final numbers including the wild card round. I did win the Phootball Talk with the final score being 48 points for me and 41 points for you. It was a close season between the two of us. Really, only 3.5 games between us so if we had continued you could have easily caught up to me. I will tell you what. Last season was kind of a mess all together. I am officially waving it off as is if it didn't even happen. Next season we will have the tie breaker between you and I instead.

Me: Okay. Deal. Congrats, anyway. So, what did you think of the Super Bowl? I thought it was one of the best games ever. That ending was pretty incredible.

Jeff: I thought the Super Bowl was a great game. I am not making excuses but Seattle's defense was pretty beat up with three of the four defensive backs being injured. And it still came down to a horrible call by Seattle's coaching staff. But I do understand why they did what they did.

Me: One thing I wish we could of talked about when it was happening was this whole Deflate Gate mess. For those that don't know what it is, or was, can you tell them?

Jeff: Deflate Gate stemmed from the AFC Championship Game, which was held between New England and the Colts. It was held in New England. It turns out that 11 of the 12 balls that were selected for the Patriots offense were under inflated from the NFL rules. What that basically means is it was easier for them to throw it, because there wasn't as much air in the ball, easier to catch and made it harder to fumble. By half time the referees had been made aware of this and new balls were given to the offense that were regulation size.

Me: What was your take on it? Do you think the Patriots cheated?

Jeff: Do I think it was cheating? Yeah I do. This isn't the first time New England has been accused of cheating in a football game. Regardless if the NFL penalizes the team or not, there is such a stigma on the team. Although I have seen die hard fans still support the team and even deny there was anything wrong. It happens with every team. You never want to admit your team was wrong.

Me: What do you think is gonna come out of it?

Jeff: I think there will be a fine on the team, a small one but a fine regardless. And the locker room attendant responsible for it will lose his job. But I don't think there will be anything more than that for the team.

Me: Alright, enough of football talk. So, you were living in Jersey but you recently moved to Connecticut, right? How has your winter been, Jeff?

Jeff: Winter has been hard in Connecticut since the move. It has snowed almost every week, including a near blizzard a few weeks ago. In fact, as I look out the window it's snowing again. It has snowed more since I moved here a month ago then I think it did all last year when I was in New Jersey. As far as beyond that, I'm doing okay. Like I said, you're not the only person whose life got complicated.

Me: Okay, so last August I interviewed Jeremy Croston here as you know and pheatured his book "Power Play: Ragnarok On Ice". We both worked with Jeremy at Disney. I remember back then you used to write screen plays but now you hav written a book, and it's because of Jeremy and me interviewing, right?

Jeff: That's right. Because of your interview with Jeremy, I reached out to him via social media to congratulate him on his first book. We started talking almost daily and I said that I thought maybe it was something I would try as well. Jeremy had mentioned that he wanted to make a trailer for his book. I had some time and since video editing was a passion of mine, I wanted to surprise him with a trailer of my own. It was at about that point that we decided to make it easier on the two of us, we would form our own publishing company that reflects us as people and us as writers. So we are two dudes who like beer and books. That's where the name Two Dudes, Brews and Books came from.

Me: Okay, let's talk about your book "Everything Comes Full Circle." When did you start to write that book, Jeff?

Jeff: I started writing "Everything Comes Full Circle" in August of 2014 and finished it in late December. I took an old screenplay that I had written in 2008 and adapted the format to make it a novel instead. But I also made a lot of changes. I was in a much different place mentally last year when I was writing then when I first wrote it, so changes were made. Characters evolved and scenes were all but re-written to reflect my new mood.

Me: How is writing a novel different then writing a screenplay?

Jeff: Writing a screenplay and writing a novel are two entirely different processes. The biggest difference is something I have to learn to adapt to. Screenplays tend to be more dialogue based with little on descriptions unless it's an important to the story. So my first book unfortunately does have that issue. It is mostly dialogue. It's something I am looking to fix. But writing is writing. It's about getting your thoughts out on paper. It can definitely be very therapeutic, regardless of the medium you write in.

Me: Okay, so, tell the readers what the book is about.

Jeff: "Everything Comes Full Circle" is about a high school theater department that reunites nine years later to perform the same show they did years ago. There is comedy and there is drama. There is even a bit of romance in the story. It's about how no matter how much time they spent away from each other, they came back and fell into the same patterns of friendship they did while they were in high school.

Me: So, did you do theatre in school, Jeff?

Jeff: As a matter of fact, I was in theater when I was in high school and college. My sophomore year of high school, I started to think that I needed something on my resume for colleges. I'm not very athletic, though I was at one point going to try out for two sports. But I decided I would try out for the theater group.

Me: What plays did you do? When I went to a private school on Long Island for six years and summer camp we had to do a play every year. I did everything from "Oliver", to "Grease" and even a play of The Muppet Movie.

Jeff: The first show I was in wasn't a well known show at all. It was called "Don't Rock The Boat" and I played the role of Pirate # 2. It was a comedy about three pirates who took over a cruise ship. From there, I was in "Li'L Abner" (based off the old comic), "Fiddler On The Roof" and "A Midsummer Night's Dream". Two years later, I would once again appear in "A Midsummer Night's Dream" this time in college. I enjoyed theater so much I made it my minor.

Me: Did you take anything from real life and put in the book? For example, is there a character based on me? Haha.

Jeff: There is plenty of experiences from "Everything Comes Full Circle" from my real life. No, there is not a character based on you in it. Not this time. But that doesn't mean I won't put you in a future novel if you would like. As far as a character based on me in the book? There is.

Me: I have to ask you about the title, where did that come from?

Jeff: The title of the book was actually inspired by a song by the group Aerosmith. They have a song called "Full Circle" from 1995. There is even a paraphrasing of one of the lyrics in the book.

Me: So, what has the reviews been like for the book, Jeff?

Jeff: Reviews of the book have been mostly positive. There was one very negative one. It isn't easy to read negative reviews of anything. Thankfully the reviewer admitted to not having actually read the entire book, so Amazon took it down. Most reviewers know it's my first book so mistakes will be made that will not occur in future books. It's a learning process. And I appreciate that most people recognize that.

Me: I like the cover of the book, Jeff. Did that idea come to you easily or did you have a bunch of other covers in mind?

Jeff: I am glad you like the cover. I actually designed it myself. It really came down to three different covers that I had designed that were all similar in style. I had actually taken photos for the other covers, but they didn't look as good.

Me: So, now you have this book out are you planning on writing another book, Jeff?

Jeff: I am actually in the process of writing two other books. They are completely separate ideas from the original. One would be a short story and the other is another full novel. I am hoping to release a total of two novels and the short story this year. I am just not sure the short story will have enough material. But we will see.

Me: You must be thrilled you have a book out, right? What does your parents think about it?

Jeff: My parents have encouraged me every step of the way. My dad has even offered to edit the next book for me.

Me: Your book is on Kindle right now... any plans on releasing it as a paperback?

Jeff: I am definitely considering releasing it in paperback as well. A lot of friends have asked me for an autographed copy! I am thinking that when I release my second book on the Kindle, I will release the first one in paperback form. Possibly with an alternate ending or an additional scene or two.

Me: Okay, so, on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics, so I have to ask you, Jeff. If you had to move which part of the country would you want to move to? That's a bad question, you just moved. I am guessing you'd say California though. Am I right?

Jeff: No, that's not a bad question. The move to Connecticut is only temporary. I am planning on moving soon, once I get back on my feet. I am looking somewhere out west, but not California. A fresh start in Arizona sounds like a good choice for me at this point.That is the plan right now.

Me: Jeff, thanks so much for everything you have done on the Phile over the years. You even took part in my anniversary entries. Congrats on the book, and I hope you will come back again soon. Tell the readers where they can get the book.

Jeff: Thank you for this opportunity to be a guest on the Phile. I look forward to the return of Phootball Talk and any other time you would have me as a guest here on the Phile. Best of luck to you and to your readers as well. If you don't mind giving me a chance to plug the website that I use to talk about my novels? Check out Jefftrelbooks.wordpress.com. Thank you for years of friendship as well. I'm sorry that you had the year that you had last year, but hey? It only can get better, right? That's what I keep telling myself.

Me: Yup. Q: Thanks again, and take care of yourself. You''ll be back on the Phile soon.

That about does it for this entry. Thanks to Jeff for a great interview. The Phile will be back next Sunday with Phile Alum Alexis White and then next Monday it's Phile Alum Ari Gold and his brother Ethan Gold. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

Pheaturing Jonathan Burks

Hello there, welcome to the Phile for a Sunday. It's daylight savings time, kids. The hour we lose this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym. Daylight savings time... the start of driving around with my clock an hour slow for the next seven months. I love the first week of daylight savings when everyone will keep telling me what time it'd really be if we hadn't daylight savings.  Well, this is good news... According to Harrison Ford's son Ben, the 72-year-old actor who was hospitalized Thursday after crashing his WW2 vintage plane into a golf course is "Battered, but ok!" Ford's publicist later issued a statement saying explaining that "The injuries sustained are not life threatening, and he is expected to make a full recovery," which is good news, as he probably has a submarine to jump onto or something. By the way, I have an exclusive picture of the crash.

Haha. That's so stupid.  Following the recent revelation that, as Secretary of State, she conducted official government business through a personal email account, Hillary Clinton has asked the State Department to release its copies of her emails. However, they will not be publicly available immediately, as it will take some time for federal workers to go through and delete all the ones in which she helped plan the attack on the U.S. embassy in Benghazi. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete. Searches Benghazi. Delete. Delete. Delete. That's Hillary Clinton's gmail account.
New York Police Department commissioner Bill Bratton blamed a recent uptick in gun violence in New York City on the availability of legal marijuana in Denver, Colorado. "The seemingly innocent drug that's been legalized around the country. In this city, people are killing each other over marijuana more so than anything that we had to deal with [in the] 80s and 90s with heroin and cocaine," Bratton explained during a press conference earlier this week. It is unknown how long all of the people within earshot continued laughing before he was able to continue speaking.  Wu-Tang Clan founding member Method Man recently offered a thoughtful critique of his own band's decision to keep the public from hearing their purposefully rare album, "Once Upon a Time in Shaolin", for 88 years. "What do you mean 88 years? Fuck that album. I'm tired of this shit and I know everybody else is tired of it, too. Fuck that album, if that's what they are doing. I haven't heard anything like that, but if they're doing crap like that, fuck that album," Method Man opined. I think that means he is unhappy with this development. Wu-Tang Clan's new album will be released in 88 years. Hip hop experts say by that time the group may very well be sumthing ta fuck wit.  New scientific evidence shows that your friend from college who fried his brain by taking three hits of acid every day for the entire three semesters he lasted in school probably didn't actually fry his brain with the acid, as survey of 135,000 people found no link between psychedelic drug use and mental disorders like schizophrenia. Your friend probably just had problems. Just been on Trip Advisor, it said, "Don't take bad acid."  The Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus has announced that it is phasing out its iconic elephant acts by 2018. "This decision was not easy, but it is in the best interest of our company, our elephants and our customers," CEO Kenneth Feld said in a statement. But don't worry, all the other animals will continue to be held and forced to perform against their will in perpetuity. Too bad elephants never forget.  Alright, you know that 50 Shades movie, right? Well, Disney has been cashing in on that whole craze by rereleasing some of their classic animated moved with sex scenes thrown in... going for that adult audience I guess. I have been showing you these for the last few weeks and finally we have the last one.

Where is he gonna stick that glass slipper? Hmmm.  So, do you kids like Pokemon? I always thought Pokemon was from Japan but apparently it's from the same country I am from... England. And I have proof.

Hahahaha. Is that a real Pokemon? I think he has to be my favorite one. Look at is expression. Bellend. Hahaha.  Well, it's getting hot here in Florida and I am so excited that Ben & Jerry's is releasing a brand new ice cream flavor.

I don't know if I would try that one. Now back in the 90s. yes, in a heartbeat.  I listen to a lot of music in my spare time and one thing I noticed about county songs is...

It's true, right?  Okay, I live in Florida and there's some strange stuff that happens in this state that I don't think happens in any other state. It's true. So, that's why I have a pheature called...

Okay. There are so many things that go wrong here that you could stop reading halfway through and be plenty horrified. But don't, because it just gets so strange. Police are looking for a man in Seminole County, Florida after he broke into a woman's apartment, stole her cell phone, and used it to take a picture of her in the shower this week. Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew. I don't know how one could ever feel clean after that. To make things worse, he posted that photo to her own Facebook page. The violation is coming from inside the phone. This takes those co-worker-taking-advantage-of-your-open-screen pranks to a new and profoundly degrading level. "Having someone actually in your apartment while you are taking a shower is quite scary, honestly," Altamonte Springs police spokesman Rob Pelton told WESH. "Going to get a victim's cell phone and having the gall to stand inside of a residence that you have broken into to steal someone's cell phone and use it to take a picture of them in the shower is unheard of." And now that I have heard of it, I can't unhear of it. Police suspect this is the latest offense from a man they believe was also responsible for peering into windows in that neighborhood and exposing himself two other times that week. In each offense, the suspect is described as a "white male, between 5' 6" and 5' 9", wearing all dark clothing and blue jeans." By that description, they might as well start by arresting everyone on Tinder. Wait, that describes me. Shit.

If you spot the Mindphuck please let me know. I mentioned this on Friday and I have to mention it again today. Real Gone Music released Foghat's "Foghat Live" double platinum album from 1977 on vinyl this past Tuesday. It is an exact, fantastic replica of the original artwork and cutout cover design in 180 gram vinyl. Go to foghat.net/p…/foghat-live-vinyl-limited-release-3315/ to purchase a copy.
"Foghat Live" was originally released on August 19th, 1977. It contained only 6 tracks and sold over two million copies... and there's a picture of me inside it. Haha.

Okay, so a good friend wanted to come on and talk about... God I think. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. You know what time it is.

Good morning, humans. Happy Sunday, phuckerz. Personally, I couldn't care less which God you pray to... or if you even believe in the existence of God. I don't give a rats ass if you pray to a statue of John Stamos. BUT... imposing YOUR will on others in the name of God or in denial of a God is just reprehensible behavior. Killing in the name of your beliefs is just plain stupid. Get your shit together, you twisted little meatpuppets. I'm reasonably certain the even Jesus and Buddha think you're being assholes.

Daylight saving time
Daylight saving time is the practice of adjusting clocks by one hour in order to make it easier for people in 1918 to tend their crops.

The 35th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

My good friend Jeff Trelewicz will be the guest on the Phile tomorrow.

Today's guest is a singer-songwriter from Milwaukee whose latest album "Let It Roll" is available on Bandcamp. I am a big fan of this guy so it's a pleasure to finally have him on the Phile. Please give a warm welcome to... Jonathan Burks.

Me: Hello, Jonathan, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Jonathan: Good thanks!!

Me: I am a big fan and downloaded all your music from iTunes but now your music is not on iTunes anymore. Will it be?

Jonathan: My new material should be up on iTunes in the next few months. Meanwhile you can check out "How to Dance" and "God Talk E.P." on Bandcamp. You can also download a good portion of my material for free on my Soundcloud page (including a bunch of unreleased tracks).

Me: I noticed listening to your music there's a lot of songs about drinking. Do you drink while you write?

Jonathan: Drinking was definitely the theme for "Loudmouth Soup" and "Brown Paper Bag." I don't know if I wrote any of those songs while I was drunk (never had much luck with that) but I'm sure many of them were composed in the cozy haze of the morning after.

Me: What is your favorite drink of choice, Jonathan?

Jonathan: These days, coffee. Black.

Me: I am a beer drinker myself. What is your favorite beer you have ever drunk?

Jonathan: Lakefront's Riverwest Stein. The picture on the bottle is of a church right down the street from me and the original brewery was just around the corner. They're a pretty big operation these days (for a micro-brew). I'm not sure if you can get it in Orlando but they do have some national distribution.

Me: I need to check it out and see. The next time you're in D.C. you have to try Amber Waves from the Capitol City Brewing Company. Speaking of beer and such, you're from Milwaukee, which is known for beer. Do you still live there, Jonathan?

Jonathan: I've had Amber Waves actually. It is a tasty beverage for sure. I do live in Milwaukee. I'm from a smaller city just south of here but I've lived in the same neighborhood in Milwaukee for the past dozen years or so.

Me: Alright, let's talk about your music and stuff. Who did you listen to growing up, Jonathan?

Jonathan: I had a pretty horrible cassette tape collection in middle school... Poison, Whitesnake, Slaughter, Ugly Kid Joe... horrible stuff. Last couple of years of high school I started listening to some hip hop... Public Enemy, Digital Underground, N.W.A.

Me: You kinda remind me of Mojo Nixon. Are you aware of his work?

Jonathan: Not really. I'll check 'em out. I like his name.

Me: I love your full length album "Red Pulpy Mess." Where and when was that album recorded?

Jonathan: "Red Pulpy Mess" was recorded on the Fourth of July, 2010 at Howl Street.

Me: A few songs from it are also on your EP's, am I right?

Jonathan: Yes. That is true. I've been pretty liberal with releasing a couple versions of the same song. I'm not on a label or anything so it's really up to my own discretion at this point.

Me: By the way, how did "Red Pulpy Mess" get to be your album title?

Jonathan: By taking the metaphor of heartbreak a bit further.

Me: I know what that is like, Jonathan. Who is in the band with you, Jonathan?

Jonathan: I'm not currently playing with any one group of people. kinda dipppin' and divin' here and there.

Me: You used to be in a band called Spatula City, am I right? What happened to that band?

Jonathan: We're still around, sorta. Spatula City is basically me and the Hawkman. We did a couple of songs on Halloween, you can check 'em on on my website.

Me: That's a great band name by the way, where did it come from?

Jonathan: Our first bass player came up with it. It's from the Weird Al movie U.H.F.. A store that just sells spatulas. perfect.

Me: Jonathan, let's talk about your latest album "How I Roll." How did that song get to be the album title?

Jonathan: I'm not sure what my reasoning was but I suppose that song represents the album pretty well. There seems to be a thread of tongue-in-cheek cockiness running through the thing. Like, "I know I'm a mess but I'm going to play it off like I'm the shit even though I know I'm not fooling anyone." Or something. It's also kind of a dorky thing to say, "that's how I roll", (I don't think the kids say that much any more). A bit of teasing myself probably played a factor, a foil to the machismo. Also, Anchorman is a hilarious movie and Jack Black is a funny dude.

Me: So, how do you roll?

Jonathan: Like a wagon wheel missing a few spokes.

Me: I LOVE this album, Jonathan. Who plays on it with you?

Jonathan: Milwaukee musicians: Allen Cote: guitar, lap steel, David Gelting: bass Bryan Dorn: drums, Nicholaus Westfahl: piano.  Allen, Dave, Bryan and I tracked the songs live at Howl Street in a day and a half. Later we overdubbed Nick's piano parts at his house. They're all really talented dudes. AND nice.

Me: You have written so many great songs, do you like songwriting?

Jonathan: Thanks!! I do like songwriting. I always feel better when I'm working on something. when a song feels finished and good, it's the best feeling.

Me: There's a ram I think on the cover of "How I Roll." That has to signify something, am I right? 

Jonathan: The cover is a painting called "Horned Sheep" by my friend Joseph Huber (who is also a very talented songwriter and wood-worker). Joe had a painting of a bull that I thought would work thematically with the cheeky title, but his "Horned Sheep" painting made a better album cover, layout wise. But yeah, I think the ram imagery works; conjures stubbornness and hitting your head against things repeatedly.

Me: Jonathan, when did you first start to write songs?

Jonathan: I wrote a bit in middle school and high school in various bands, mostly just guitar parts and some lyrics, in collaboration with other band members. I moved to Milwaukee when I was 19 and without any music partners I needed to learn how to sing so I could write and perform songs on my own. I'm not a 'natural' singer so I really had to start from scratch, playing notes on the guitar and trying to match the pitch. I was living in the UWM dorms at the time and the only place with any kind of privacy was the bathroom. I don't think the acoustics worked in my favor. My apologies to everyone on that floor.

Me: And how old were you when you started to play guitar? I started playing guitar when I was 14. "Sweet Child of Mine" was the first song I learned. I took lessons out of a music store. The lessons were split between theory and jazz chords the first half, and during the second half of the lesson my teacher Jerry would notate and show me how to play whatever MTV rock song I'd bring in. He'd listen and figure out the songs on the spot which I thought was really cool. He called me "dude" because I had long hair. That was funny to him.

Me: I said you remind me of Mojo Nixon but a better comparison I read is that you have been compared to the late great Lou Reed. Do you like that comparison?

Jonathan: I won't complain about any kind of comparison to Lou Reed, however accurate or deserving. He was definitely an influence.

Me: I always wanted to see Lou Reed in concert... have you?

Jonathan: No, I didn't. He didn't come through Milwaukee too often as far as I know.

Me: If you could write or work with anybody, Jonathan, who would it be?

Jonathan: RZA, Bonnie 'Prince' Billy, Willy Nelson... I dunno. They're all probably pretty busy. I'd be too nervous anyway.

Me: You said you moved to Milwaukee when you were 19. So, where are you from originally?

Jonathan: I'm originally from Racine which is about 30 miles south of here. Racine is also on Lake Michigan. Frank Lloyd Wright built some houses there. We also had the highest murder rate per capita at some point in the 90s. I don't really know if that's true. Somebody told me that once.

Me: Do you do a lot of touring?

Jonathan: I "toured" a couple of times by myself via Amtrak. It was fun-ish but expensive and stressful and as it turns out; I suck at booking tours. It seemed like I really couldn't afford to tour and make albums so I've just been focusing on recording. I don't think I'll ever be a "road dog" but I would like to get out there again.

Me: Well, I hope you come down to Florida to play. Okay, so, on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics. Ready? If you were offered a seat on the next space shuttle would you take it? Man, that's a good question. I dunno would what I would do. I know some people who would want me to go and not come back. Haha.

Jonathan: I wouldn't want to go out for weeks or months (I would get too claustrophobic) so I probably wouldn't be up for a trip to Mars. But if I could just pop up there for a few hours I'd definitely be into it. I think it'd be amazing to see our planet from space.

Me: Thanks so much for being on the Phile. Please come back again when your next release comes out. Wanna plug your website?

Jonathan: Jonburks.com.  You can also reach me on Twitter: mobile.twitter.com/jonathanburks.  And Facebook: facebook.com/jonburks1.

Me: All the best, Jonathan. Keep writing!

Jonathan: Thanks, Jason!!!

There. That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Laird Jim and of course Jonathan Burks. The Phile will be back tomorrow with author and one of my best friends Jeff Trelewicz and then next Sunday it's Phile Alum Alexis Thompson. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker