Pheaturing Dr. Demento

Hello, welcome to the Phile, kids. How are you? I am back in Florida again. I had such a good time on Long Island. I wish I can go to a diner today. Speaking of today, today is my 17th wedding anniversary. If you are not married I have to tell you marriage is finding the person who puts up with your shit, admires your weird little ways and still says they love you at the end of the day. Good times... Anyway, enough about me, kids. Let's talk about more important stuff.  When you think of New York, what's the first delicious treat that pops into your head? Okay, what's the second? The third? How about the 19th? That's right! Yogurt! That's why New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo just signed a bill into law making the sour dairy product the "Official New York State Snack."
I ate a lot of different foods hen I was in New York... pizza, a dirty water hot dog, bagels, diner food... but one thing I didn't eat was yogurt. Next time I'll try some of that New York yogurt.  The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has announced that it has chosen Neil Patrick Harris to be the next dishearteningly disappointing host of the Oscars. The actor/singer/comedian/author joins a long and very prestigious list of performers who have utterly failed to live up to people's expectations for the difficult and thankless job. You know they picked Neil Patrick Harris to host the Oscars since he's the same cummerbund size as Ellen.  Despite the relatively low number of actual Ebola cases in the United States, the virus has been garnering sufficient enough headlines to force President Obama to appoint former Chief of Staff to the Vice President Ron Klain as the nation's first Ebola czar. Hopefully, he'll be a little more successful than the drug czar and the Guantanamo closure czar. I'm worried an Ebola Czar might conflict with the Swine Flu Kaiser and the Premier of Colds, then it will be years of trench foot warfare.  Hey, Harry Potter fans, Warner Bros. has announced that it is somehow adapting J.K. Rowling's 42-page, mostly narrative-free "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them" into at least three blockbuster fantasy films based in the Harry Potter universe. On the plus side, Rowling will be writing the screenplays herself, so even if they're bad, they'll at least be canon. Has anyone already come up with a "2 Legit 2 Quidditch" t-shirt for people who don't like magic, Harry Potter, or fun but do like shirts?  Warner Bros. and DC Comics also announced its full slate of scheduled superhero movies that it will be releasing through 2020, including two Justice League movies and stand-alone films for such iconic characters as Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman and Aquaman. Combined with Marvel Studios and Sony Entertainment's full lists, it is now appearing as though moviegoers will hardly ever be lacking for a new comic book movie on which to spend their money. If current trends persist, it is expected that a superhero movie will be released to theaters every 7.3 hours by 2026.  Olympic runner Oscar Pistorius was sentenced to five years in prison today for "gross negligence" in shooting his fiancée multiple times last Valentine's Day. Speaking of "gross negligence," the South African legal system is expected to spit him back out onto the street within a year.  Character actor Frank Sivero (The Godfather Part II, Goodfellas, Cop and ½) is suing Fox Television Studios for the very reasonable sum of $250,000,000 on the claim that the Simpsons character Louie was modeled after him. "Louie's appearance and mannerisms are strongly evocative of character actor Frank Sivero," according to the lawsuit, which, to be fair, is funnier than anything the character Louie has done in about twelve years. The character of Lenny is clearly based on me but you don't see me suing the Simpsons.  I just mentioned that they are gonna make some more Harry Potter spin-off movies. Well, they are also coming out with a new Harry Potter book and I have the exclusive cover right here.

When I flew to Long Island and back I flew on Southwest, but when I was at the airport I couldn't help but notice Delta's new ad...

Yesterday I went to McDonald's and their new ad blew me away.

Crazy, right?  Okay, with all this Ebola talk, TV networks are cashing in by coming out with new Ebola themed TV shows. Here's a new one coming out soon.

One thing I like to do in my spare time is to go on Twitter and look up different words to see what people are talking about. One of those words I look up is Foghat and this is what I recently found...

Yes! Very cool, Matt.  It's October, and before I went to Long Island I was showing you
some amazing cancer survivors who chose body art instead of reconstructive surgery. Well, here's a new one.

Designed by tattoo artist Pat Fish, this double knot tattoo serves a dual purpose. Breast cancer survivor Mary asked for a round Celtic knot to mitigate the appearance of the scars on her chest left from the surgery. "We consulted about art choices, and then she had the second breast removed also, so we had to wait for her immune system to be ready for this project. Over a period of several months we did the two Celtic circles."

Films set during World War II are a repository for every wish we have about the moral validity of war. They’re perennial, of course, produced regularly whether or not the country is in a good mood. But they exist, in anxious times, as an emotional site, a place where war can be won and made “good.”  Fury isn’t exactly like that. It's not at all like that, in fact. It’s a strange animal, from director David Ayer (End of Watch), who takes his ongoing concerns with men involved in violence for a living... criminals, cops and brings them to the last battlefield in American history that most people still view with fondness. Then he turns it into a gory horror film about the way war turns human beings into monsters. “Ideals are peaceful; history is violent,” says Sgt. Don Collier (Brad Pitt) to young, terrified soldier Norman (Logan Lerman), and he ain’t kidding.  Set in the final months of the war, a tank crew (Shia LaBeouf, Michael Peña, Jon Bernthal) led by Collier, rolls slowly through Germany, outgunned every creeping inch of the way, killing as many enemy troops as they can. Added to the mix is inexperienced Norman, trained as a clerk, possibly wrongly routed to tank duty. No matter. Replacing a recently killed soldier, Norman's first assignment from Collier is cleaning his predecessor's shredded body from the inside of the tank. We witness a human face separated from the rest of its original head. And the violent imagery doesn’t get any softer or nicer after that.  Bookended by long sequences of intense battles, Fury takes a detour, mid-film, into a strange, tense lull, as Collier and Norman take temporary rest in a German home where two young women are living. The soldiers eat, clean up, and, in Norman’s case, find unexpected sexual pleasure there. Trying to fit into an approximation of domestic life... if only for a couple hours... is difficult, and then impossible, as the rest of the crew, still high on killing and drunk on alcohol, invade the space and ruin the almost peaceful moment. Back to the tank.  As Lerman’s perpetually shocked, anxiety-wracked Norman assimilates and finds his inner fuck-you, Fury makes its point... to be successful in war requires a displacement of humanity and mercy. To survive allows for nothing else. Norman becomes as brutal as his band of brothers, and his final ironic moments on screen, binding together terror and mercy, distill his cognitive and spiritual dissonance. Ayer's immediate, gut-level filmmaking, less about indelible images than about power and blunt force, is an anguished, down and dirty experience of ugly reflection. More tonally informed by Iraq and Afghanistan than by Nazi Germany’s clear-cut moral imperative, it simultaneously questions and reinforces ideas about martyrdom and heroism, and ultimately makes the case for the idea that there never have been any good wars, not even the ones we liked. I give Fury an 8.

Do you spot the Mindphuck? Email me if you want to if you spot it. Well, it's Thursday and on Thursday's I like talk football with my good friends Jeff and Lori.

Me: Hey, Jeff, Lori, welcome back to Phile. How are you both?

Jeff: It's always good to be back on the Phile regardless if it's out of Florida or Long Island. I hope you enjoyed your trip there and based off the pictures you posted, you did. That's good!

Me: Yes, I had a great time. Before we talk about football, Jeff, I have to mention something called Two Dudes, Brews and Books. What is that exactly?

Jeff: Two Dudes, Brews and Books is an independent book company that will publish books through Amazon. It was started by pheatured Phile guest Jeremy Croston and I. Jeremy's books are now published under that company and mine will be too. We also started a Facebook Group where we can discuss books and beers and anything else that we feel like.

Me: Jeremy Croston who we used to work with years ago was on the Phile a month or so back talking about his book "Power Play" like you said. Was that the start of all this? Should my ego take the credit? Haha.

Jeff: Yes, you pheaturing Jeremy on the Phile is sort of what got it started so feel free to let your ego take credit. Anyone interested in joining the group is more than welcome to. It's an open group.

Me: So, you are writing a book as well, right, Jeff?

Jeff: I am indeed working on my first novel as well. It is an adaption from a screenplay I wrote years ago, with a lot of changes going on to it.

Me: I used to write short stories when I was a kid and I wrote a few books that never got published. One is a novel called "Success" and the other is a biography on my dad and Foghat called "Sneakers and Guitars". I think that was the name. Your book you are writing, is it a novel?

Jeff: You should talk to Jeremy about getting your old novels published as well. And that way you can conquer another medium. Blog? Check. Music? Check. Books? Go for it!

Me: We'll see. Okay, Jeff, when your book comes out I will have you on the Phile as a pheatured guest. Would that be cool?

Jeff: Of course I will gladly be a pheatured guest on the Phile when my book comes out. I will keep you posted and you can fit me into your star studded schedule.

Me: Okay, football... any news this week I should know about? It's been a quiet football week, hasn't it?

Jeff: I don't know that I would call it a quiet week. There has been more season ending injuries this week, and you never want to see that. Bears WR Brandon Marshall threw a fit in the locker room after his team loss, blaming his QB. And there was a rare trade when the Jets sent a conditional draft pick to the Seattle Seahawks for WR Percy Harvin. Oh, and Peyton Manning broke Brett Favre's record of most touchdowns thrown in a career. And he is still going.

Me: You're right, it wasn't a quite week. Okay, so, how did we do with last weeks picks? Am I still in second place?

Jeff: I had my worst week of the season failing to pick a victory. I went 0-2. You and Lori both went 1-1. However the Steelers won, the Eagles on a bye week and Dallas beating the Giants I was the only one to pick a point in team play. So as it stands I am still in first place with 24 points, Jason is in second with 19 points and Lori has 17 points.

Me: Let's do this weeks picks... I say Broncos will win by 8 and the Seattle will win by 4. What do you kids say?

Jeff: This week I pick New England by 3 over the Bears, further frustrating Marshall and Dallas (ugh) over Washington by 7.

Lori: I'll say the Ravens by 3 and the Raiders with the upset by 1. If Jacksonville can get their first win against the Browns, then maybe Oakland can too!

Me: Good job, kids, see you next Thursday.

A few weeks ago I interviewed a singer named Molly Roth who has a single out called "Pin Me Up" and did a whole pin-up shoot. We talked about how much I like the pin-up look, and then I found an artist who does that mina work as his specialty so he is now the 28th artist to be pheatured in the Phile's Art Gallery. His name is Al Abbazia and this is one of his pieces...

Al will be a guest on the Phile in a few weeks.

Today's pheatured guest is an American radio broadcaster and record collector specializing in novelty songs, comedy, and strange or unusual recordings dating from the early days of phonograph records to the present. This is so cool, kids. Please welcome to the Phile... Dr. Demento.

Me: Hello, sir, welcome to the Phile. It's such an honor to have a legend like you here. How are you?

Dr. Demento: Fine. And you?

Me: I'm good. So, should I call you Doctor, sir?

Dr. Demento: If there’s a mic or cameras running, yes. Otherwise Barry is fine.

Me: Doctor, you live in Los Angeles now, but where are you originally from?

Dr. Demento: Minneapolis, Minnesota.

Me: How long have you been a doctor?

Dr. Demento: Since the Dr. Demento Show began, in October 1970.

Me: When I told a few friends I was gonna be interviewing you they couldn't believe it. My dad was a fan and I first heard about you when I was a kid. You have been in the business a long time. How did you first get into radio? Was it a fluke or did you wanna be on radio growing up?

Dr. Demento: Yes, I wanted to be on the radio growing up. As soon as I arrived at Reed College in 1959, I volunteered for the campus FM station.

Me: I used to want to be a radio DJ, but I think I have an annoying voice. So, I'll stick to blogging. Was it challenging at first?

Dr. Demento: When I was a kid I did not enjoy hearing my voice played back. After I got into commercial radio, and realized that people enjoyed hearing me talk, and would pay me for talking, I got used to it.

Me: No one would pay to hear me talk. They would pay to shut me up. Haha. Did you ever meet my dad, Doctor, or see him perform?

Dr. Demento: Saw Foghat perform a couple times in the 1970s. I also saw Savoy Brown once when he was with them. Unfortunately I never had the pleasure of meeting Lonesome Dave, though.

Me: Radio has changed a lot since the 70s, hasn't it? What do you think has been the biggest change?

Dr. Demento: Probably the consolidation of radio ownership in a few large companies. There used to be strict limits on how many stations a company could own; those were phased out in the 1970s and 80s. Also very important: the rise of “narrowcasting,” when station owners began seeking to appeal to a certain demographic target (such as females 15 to 25, males 18 to 30, and/or various cultural or racial groups) rather than seeking to attract as many overall listeners as possible as they had earlier. 

Me: Back then morning radio shows or morning zoos didn't really exist. Do you think you changed radio and people have mimicked you?

Dr. Demento: I can’t take credit for the morning zoo concept, but many morning zoo shows use song parodies and other elements that were most likely inspired by the Dr. Demento Show.

Me: Because of you a lot of novelty songs and acts wouldn't get any kind of play. I interviewed Bermuda Schwartz from Weird Al's band and you pretty much put Weird Al on the map, am I right?

Dr. Demento: Yes.

Me: I have an early picture of Al and you here that I found.

Me: Weird Al is pretty big, bigger than ever, with his last album going to number one. When you found out about that, what did you think?

Dr. Demento: I am very happy for him... though it’s not entirely accurate to say he’s bigger than ever, since several of his earlier albums sold more copies than “Mandatory Fun” is likely to.

Me: Good point. Did you think he'd ever last as long as he has?

Dr. Demento: Throughout his career he’s continued to amaze me and lots of other people by being so resourceful, developing new talents, new ways of reaching and amusing people. I learned long ago not to sell him short, not to expect him to fail. There have been peaks and valleys in his career as with any artist, of course, but he’s always come roaring back.

Me: So, I have to ask, what is your favorite novelty song, and favorite act ever?

Dr. Demento: Novelty is all about newness, so I will perk up at hearing something new and wonderful. Over time, I’ll just go by what the public says...Weird Al is way ahead of everyone else working today as an artist. “Fish Heads” and “Dead Puppies” are neck and neck as the all time most requested songs.

Me: There's so many classic songs that are known because of you... did anybody ever give you grief, say, for making a song like Elmo and Patsy's "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" a success?

Dr. Demento: Not to my face, though there are certainly people who curse me for inflicting that upon them.

Me: People don't write novelty songs much anymore, do they?

Dr. Demento: There may not be many of those on the pop charts aside from Weird Al, but lots of new novelty songs are still showing up on morning radio shows, and on websites like the Funny Music Project (thefump.com) and of course TV shows like "Saturday Night Live", and most of all on YouTube and iTunes (which maintains a comedy singles Top 30 which is updated frequently).

Me: What do you think of the music business now?

Dr. Demento: I’m kinda glad I’m not depending on it for a livelihood.

Me: I have a 'band' called Strawberry Blondes Forever and someone told me that our album is a novelty album but it wasn't meant to be. Doctor, what makes a good novelty song?

Dr. Demento: If it makes people laugh and makes them want to play it for their friends, I’d say it’s good.

Me: Okay, back to your career... another Doctor, the Doctor from "Doctor Who" said bow ties are cool. I disgree, but you make the bow tie look stylish. When did you first dress the way you do, and how did you one up with that look?

Dr. Demento: My first manager suggested I wear a tux. I bought one, and for awhile would mix it up, putting the tux coat on over a t-shirt, etc. but when I had to wear a respectable tux to go to the Grammys, I had to agree that I looked good in that, especially with the top hat.

Me: I always loved your hat, you pull it off pretty good. How many hats do you have?

Dr. Demento: Thanks. I have two that are in good shape that I wear to gigs, and a couple more older ones I keep for spares or for when they might get rough treatment. I’ve probably owned about eight over time. I’ve given a few old ones away for charity.

Me: You, like my dad did, have a large record collection, right? Do you prefer albums or singles?

Dr. Demento: Having gone through high school when rock & roll mostly came on singles, I’m still partial to those. I don’t often listen to an album all the way through, though I did quite a bit of that in the late 1960s and early 1970s.

Me: And what about iTunes and mp3's? Do you like that format?

Dr. Demento: I like iTunes for bringing back the single. I applaud an artist who can make a whole album worth listening to, but I got real tired of spending $16.95 for a CD with only one good song on it... mp3’s can’t match CD’s for sound, but they’re real convenient, especially for sending a sound file to someone else.

Me: I have to ask you about this, you have a degree in Ethnomusicology. What is that and where did you get the degree from? I have a degree in Epcotology... don't ask what that is. Haha.

Dr. Demento: I have a master’s degree in Folk Music Studies from UCLA. I got the degree in 1967. They no longer offer that degree.

Me: I also have to ask about the documentary "Under the Smogberry Trees". What does the name mean, Doctor?

Dr. Demento: I used to say that at the start of every show. In the 1970s smog was still a huge problem in L.A., and one of the things L.A. was best known for.

Me: This documentary is about you, right? I am very surprised it took this long for one to be made.

Dr. Demento: Me too. Yes, it is about me.

Me: It was funded through Kickstarter... which is cool. When you were approached by the filmmakers, what did you think?

Dr. Demento: I was impressed that they got it funded, and didn’t come to me for money as some other filmmakers had. Of course the Kickstarter funding was just enough to get started, we will need more funding to complete it.

Me: In the past you have put out tons of compilation CD's of music and bits from your show. Are those CDs still available? I checked iTunes and they only have one of the CD's up there.

Dr. Demento: Rhino is no longer manufacturing my CD’s; they do have some stock on a couple of them. Regarding iTunes, my CD’s are compilations, and the individual tracks still belong to their original owners... so iTunes has to go to them for licensing.

Me: That's a good point. Doctor, you have lived an amazing career. What has been the biggest highlight so far?

Dr. Demento: Impossible to pick just one, sorry.

Me: Was being on "The Simpson's" fun? That has to be a high honor. I read somewhere they are gonna release a Simpson's action figure of you, have you heard that?

Dr. Demento: Yes, it was. I have heard that rumor about an action figure, but have no confirmation about that.

Me: Man, I can ask you millions of questions, but I know you are busy. On the Phile though I like to ask random questions thanks to table topics. This one sucks. Do you possess any of he qualities of your astrological sign?

Dr. Demento: I’m an Aries. My wife, who believes in astrology more than I do, thinks I fit right in. 

Me: Doctor, tell my readers where they can listen the Dr. Demento Show. Please come back on the Phile again soon, sir. All the best.

Dr. Demento: They can hear it anytime at drdemento.com. We upload a new show every Saturday morning, but people can hear that, and all the other over 1,000 shows we have available, anytime they like. There is a small charge for the streaming, so we can pay royalties to composers and artists.

Me: That is brilliant, Doctor. Thanks again and please come back on the Phile soon.

There. That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Jeff Trelewicz, Lori Sedlacek and of course Dr. Demento. The Phile will be back tomorrow with singer Jess Meuse who was on the last season of "American Idol". So, spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

Pheaturing Goomba Richie Saccente From Young Rebel Goombas

Remember that night? The one that we drank... Uh... I don't remember... Haha. Hello there, welcome to the Phile. I am your host Jason, star of "Princess Long Island". "Princess Long Island"... the "Jersey Shore" for Jews. Haha.  This is the last entry from Long Island. I had such a good time here, and it kicked my midlife crisis in gear. I love it here... I got to know the homeless people by names. Just kidding. I want to live here again, and do what every Long Islander does on weekends... see a movie, go bowling, or play pool. Speaking of movies, is it true that Commack movie theatre is haunted? I said yesterday my Long Island accent is coming back... no words end in 'er', they end in 'ah'. I have to tell you Long Islanders something, why do you live in the shadow of the greatest city in the world but you never go there? I was told that when you're away from the Island, you'll love it but when you're there you won't. Well, you know what? That's bullshit! I do love it! So, I was thinking about renting a car this trip instead of having people drive me around, but I don't know the exact exit point at which Queens turns into Nassau. I could not find that bridge to Connecticut. I fit right in here on Long Island. I can pronounce Islip, Wantagh, Commack, Mattituck, Shinnecock, Quogue, Ronkonkoma, Hauppauge, Mineola, Islandia, Massapequa, and Patchogue. I got to eat at a pizza joint, I had a dirty water hot dog, a deli, a bar-be-que place and had Italian food. Every Italian restaurant I passed here I kept thinking is this the restaurant Billy Joel sang about in "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant". You like Billy Joel, right? In Floirida if you don't work at Disney World you know someone who has. On Long Island, if you don't know Billy Joel, you know someone who does. I found out last night that Laird Jim knows him. Anyway, I think I had my L.I. food all covered. By the way, does every diner have a freakin' book for a menu?  Tomorrow, people, I am going back to Florida, but let me tell you, your future you might end up in Florida. So, how many of you evaluated the meaning of the name Hicksville? In Florida you'd think we'd have a town called Hicksville... or Red Neckville. One thing that's different about Florida and Long Island... you have no interest in or knowledge of country music. I haven't talked about the Yankees at all since I have been here. Why is it that you wanted the Yankees to stay in the Bronx but you would probably go to more games if they moved to Manhattan? I have to mention your hero... Derek Jeter. How fitting that he ended his career with the Yankess playing baseball. I did so much when I was here, but I never took the MTA bus... but then again who on the Island has? When I lived here I never associated Fire Island with gay men. Have they always been there? We have a place in Orlando where you can see a lot of gay men as well... Walt Disney World. You know, there's one thing I have never done living on Long Island... and that's go clamming. That's a real thing, right? Back in my day clamming meant something different. Oh, man. Let's talk about other stuff that's not Long Island related for a minute.  As if anything could possibly be more disturbing than a united collective of professional harlequins, the largest and most prestigious clown club in the country has publicly decried "American Horror Story's" new psychotic character, Twisty the Clown. The president of Clowns of America International issued a statement in which he stated, "We do not support in any way, shape or form any medium that sensationalizes or adds to coulrophobia or 'clown fear.'" I kind of see his point. They seem to be doing just fine on their own.

Clowns don't kill people, people dressed as clowns kill people.  The Catholic Church is pulling a quick 180 on its statement that essentially amounted to saying that homosexuals are human beings who deserve a modicum of respect and acceptance from Christians. After coming under fire from conservative members of the faith for its slightly Christ-like level of tolerance, Church officials are now pointing out that that statement was part of a "working document" that can still be amended to excise anything resembling kindness.  During a Facebook Q&A, U2 vocalist Bono issued a long-overdue apology for making every single person in the world extremely angry by giving people his music for free, whether they wanted it or not. "Oops. I'm sorry about that," he said, probably while wearing stupid colored sunglasses inside. "I had this beautiful idea and we got carried away with ourselves. Artists are prone to that kind of thing. Drop of megalomania, touch of generosity, dash of self-promotion, and deep fear that these songs that we poured our life into over the last few years mightn't be heard." I'm not as worried about Ebola as I am about Bono writing a song about Ebola.  There's a lot of churches up here, but not as many as in Florida I think. The Nesconset Chriatian Church seems to be the place to go if you are looking for a sign.

So, there's this ship called the USS Long Island, did you know that? Take a look at this picture. An X-wing fighter is catwalk after a landing accident in July, 1942.

That one is fir you, Jarred.  Do you know what you have up here that we don't have in Florida? Jewish plumbers.

Okay, yes, we probably do have Jewish plumbers down there.  I can't believe how cheap TV's are up here.

And they still sell black and white TV's?  I mentioned the Commack movie theater earlier... I was gonna go there and see a movie, but they are a bit behind the times. And some of these movies I never heard of.

So, are you guys hockey fans? Did you see the Islanders inspirational poster?

They are not a bad team I don't think.  One of the things I like to do when I have some spare time is to go on Twitter and look up certain words to see what people are talking about. Two of those words I look up are Port and Jeff and this is what I recently saw...

Haha. Go Seawolves!!!  Back in my day when I lived here the New York slogan was I Heart New York, or I Love New York, depends on how you want to say it. Well, the newer slogan is kind of a degrade.

Okay, so, as you know I live in Florida. There's some crazy stuff that happens up here on the Island, but not as crazy with what happens down there. So, here's a feature I call...

This is the kind of story where you hope drugs were involved, because that would at least provide some excuse for a 19 year old who walked into a Walmart in Florida and jerked off on a stuffed horse. Police say Sean Johnson escorted a stuffed horse from a shelf in the toy section of the store to the bedding department where he used the horse to masturbate. I guess the bathroom would've been gross. After he finished the act, he put the semen-stained horse back where he found it. The store's Loss Prevention team spotted him acting suspiciously and called the cops who arrested Johnson in the parking lot. The Brony gone wild was charged with indecent exposure and criminal mischief, which sounds way better than "sex assault on a toy," and was released after posting a $1500 bond. The fact that he could come up with the money for bond makes you wonder why he didn't just buy the horse and take it home for sex like a (slightly more) normal weirdo. Maybe it's not about sex, but more the thrill of hunt, and the excitement of having your picture plastered all over the Internet.

Haha. If you spot the Mindphuck email me... So, I had a few emails and questions over the years on what my house looked like in Port Jeff. Well, we actually lived in Belle Terre which is above Port Jeff and I went by there to see it. This is it, kids.

My mum used to call it The House That Slow Ride Built. I also mentioned yesterday about the girl from Long Island News 12 and I had emails asking me to post a picture of her. So, here we are...

Her name is Elizabeth Hashagen. Maybe next time I come up here I could interview her. Oh, before I forget, here's the last of the pictures that you readers sent in.

Damn kids. Haha. Okay, it's Thursday and what we do every Thursday is talk football with my friends Jeff and Lori. So, once again it's...

Me: Hello, kids, welcome back to the Phile on Long Island. How are you?

Jeff: It's always good to be back on the Phile. We hope that you are enjoying your vacation back home to Long Island. Things are good here.

Me: I am having the best time ever. We always talk about the NFL, but we don't talk about college football. If we did what teams would you choose? What colleges?

Jeff: If I rooted for a college football team, I would root for the Colorado Buffalo. In the mid 90s several Steelers were drafted from Colorado, so I started to root for them as well. I don't really anymore. I'm not a fan of college football, but that would be my team.

Me: Okay, that's cool. Lori?

Lori: My grandfather played football for the University of Nebraska back in the 1940s, so I am and will always be a Cornhusker fan!

Me: I would have Stony Brook University's Seawolves. Have you heard of the Seawolves? They are pretty good, losing just three games this season and winning four games.

Jeff: Funny you should ask me if I know about Stony Brook. I am slightly aware of them in the fact that they are in the America East conference. Because my alma mater is also in the America East. But we don't have a football team, but they play each other in basketball.

Me: That's cool. Speaking of losing... Lori, Jeff, let's talk about the elephant in the room... the Giants getting their asses beat by 27. 27-0 to be precise. What the fuck?! Lori, you must be gloating.

Lori: Yes, the Eagles absolutely steamrolled the Giants. It's actually the first time in 18 years the Eagles have shutout an opponent and the last time was against...The New York Giants! But, no, I don't gloat. :D

Jeff: Yes, The Eagles trounced the the Giants this week by 27. It's not all Eli's fault. It's hard to complete a pass when there are defenders dragging you to the ground all game.

Me: Steamrolled, trounced, creamed, whipped, beat... man, it was bad. Any other NFL news, Jeff?

Jeff: There isn't any big news this week. A few season ending injuries, including Giants' receiver Victor Cruz. Seattle hasn't looked as good this season as they did last year. So that has been a major disappointment. But the season is still young. They are fully capable of turning it around and unleashing the Legion of Boom on the rest of the NFL.

Me: Lori, you didn't get to pick last week as you were at a wedding last week, but you do get one point for the Eagles winning which is good. Jeff, how did we do last week?

Jeff: Last week Lori got the only bonus point with her victory over the Giants. The Steelers just looked pathetic against the Browns and we have all ready covered what happened with New York vs Philadelphia. You each went 1-1, while I went 2-0 once again. I have 23 points, Jason has 17 points and Lori is at 15 points for the season.

Me: Okay, second place still. Let's do this weeks picks... I say Seattle will beat the Rams by 13 and the Packers will beat the Panthers by 7. What do you kids say?

Jeff: This week I am picking Cleveland by 7 over Jacksonville and New Orleans by 3 over the Lions.

Lori: I will pick the Bears by 3 and the Cardinals by 1.

Me: Alright, I will see you back here next Thursday.

Jeff: See you next week.

Elizabeth Peña
September 23, 1959 – October 14, 2014
Now starring in "I Buried Peña".

It's 9:28 am, 68° F here on Long Island and Kelly announced announce Kelly's first annual Christmas benefit concert, Miracle on Broadway at the Bridgestone Arena with special guests Reba McEntire, Trisha Yearwood, Garth Brooks, Ronnie Dunn, Kacey Musgraves, Hayley Williams, Charles Esten, Meghan Trainor and more! Tickets go on sale this Saturday, Oct. 18 at 10 am. For more details, visit bit.ly/kcmiracle.

So, last night I hung out with Laird Jim and what a trip that was. Let's have him talk about it. He's a singer, patriot, renaissance man and Long Islander...

Interesting day yesterday... Made a new friend of the daughter of Ray Charles... met my friend Jason for dinner and drinks. While we were speaking of the beautiful women I run around with, I showed him a picture of one of them on my phone and asked, "Do you like her? Good... then watch this." I called her on the speaker phone and told her to meet me at the hotel I was about to drop Jason off at for sex. She said, "Okay, sounds great, see you in twenty minutes or less." Yes... I ordered a girl like a pizza delivery. After that bit of debauchery, she went home... I went home... and poor Jason is wondering HOW the fuck to write about all of this. Anyway, I'm tired... a full day of work, drinking and talking about my crazy life with Jason... then that whole part with all the incredible sex kind of sapped whatever energy I had left... among OTHER things).

Yeah, that's pretty much what happened. Okay, today's pheatured guest is the lead singer for the popular Long Island band Young Rebel Goombas whose self-titled album is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Goomba Richie Saccente.

Me: Hello, Richie, welcome to the Phile, man. What's up?

Goomba Richie: Hey Jason, just enjoying the start of the weekend.

Me: I am so excited you guys are Long Island based. Where on Long Island?

Goomba Richie: Most of us live in the Huntington area except Uncle Bee who is in Coram.

Me: I grew up in Port Jefferson where I went to school and lived. Actually, I lived in Belle Terre, looking down at Port Jeff. Do you get out there often? Ever played there?

Goomba Richie: I love going to Port Jefferson in the summer time. We have played a few places there over the years but as a band we are currently not booked there...

Me: Have you lived on the Island all your life?

Goomba Richie: Myself and Goomba Cosmo are from Queens. I grew up in Hollis and he in Flushing. I moved to New Hyde Park around 1981 then Huntington in 1993. Although when you look on the map Queens is still on the same Island, just that no one in Queens or Brooklyn would ever admit that.

Me: Yeah, a lot of people don't know Queens and Brooklyn are a part of Long Island. Listening to your music, it does sound like you come from an Island, but a different island. You guys must be fans of Jimmy Buffett, right?

Goomba Richie: I love the tropical island feel but our Island is only tropical a few months a year. We are fans of Jimmy Buffet but I think for me Bob Marley is a bigger influence in my playing and writing.

Me: How would you describe your music?

Goomba Richie: Our music is best described as trop rock (tropical). It has tropical beats and just sort of makes you want to get to a beach.

Me: How many people, Richie, do you guys have in the band? You have two drummers, right? How does that work?

Goomba Richie: Our live band has five members. Guitar, bass, sax and two percussion players. The drums are set up like a split kit. Goomba Dave plays kick drum and congas along with wind chimes. Goomba Uncle Bee plays the snare drum along with different pieces of hand percussion, timbale and whatever he brings that day.

Me: Why don't you go ahead and tell the Phile readers who is in the band with you?

Goomba Richie: On our album we had myself on guitar and vocals, Goomba Cosmo Mallardi (my cousin) bass and vocals, Goomba Uncle Bee percussion and vocals, Goomba Randy Knudsen kick and congas and vocals and Richie Cannata on sax along with Bob Cassara on trombone. In our live band we have myself, Goomba Cosmo, Goomba Uncle Bee, along with Goomba Rob Cutts on sax and Goomba Dave Giacone on kick and congas. They will also be playing on the next Goomba album.

Me: Have you all played together for a long time?

Goomba Richie: I have been playing with Goomba Cosmo since we were kids. Goomba Uncle Bee and I have been playing together for about eighteen years now. Goomba Rob for about five years and Goomba Dave for about three years.

Me: I have to ask you about the name, Goombas is a very New Yorker word. For those that don't live there, tell them what it means.

Goomba Richie: In Italian families goomba is a family friend or relative. When Goomba Cosmo and I were growing up there was a relative from Italy, Goomba Raymond. He was a musical influence to us when we were young. When I got married Goomba Cosmo was my best man and we started calling each other Goomba. In each of our cell phones you will see a contact for Goomba. One night we were hanging out and came up with the name Young Rebel Goombas. We decided to use it when we started playing around locally and before we knew it we had an album using that name. I personally love the name.

Me: Are you guys rebels? None of you guys are young, right? I am not either, so don't feel too bad. 

Goomba Richie: To answer the second part first none of us are young compared to most people trying to catch a break in music. I guess that would make us rebels though.

Me: I downloaded your self-titled album from iTunes and really liked it. I paid almost ten dollars for and then saw on your website you were selling it for once cent. Man, I should of checked first. How can you make money selling the album for just a penny?

Goomba Richie: We were selling the album for a few years then we decided to just get the music out there. We are proud of the album but figured it's better at this point to get as many people to hear it as possible. We are actually going to discontinue the free download in a few days but check anyway to see if it is still free. Oh, after expenses we didn't make much money selling it at ten bucks either.

Me: Richie Cannata who you mentioned played with Billy Joel, Elton, and the Beach Boys just to name a few. How did you guys get him? It's weird his name is similar to yours.

Goomba Richie: Jake Gorst is our main background guy. He basically wears many hats, writing, album graphics, pictures, videos and many other things. He had written an article on Richie Cannata and became friends with him. That sparked our album because Richie owns Cove City Sound Studios in Glen Cove which is where we recorded the album. So we asked Richie to play on it and he said yes. It was a great experience for all of us. 

Me: Didn't you have all your families play on it as well?

Goomba Richie: We had a bunch of family and friends sing on the song "Sing A Long" That was a lot of fun.

Me: The album came out a few years ago, right? Are you planning on making another one?

Goomba Richie: Time flies, yes it did come out a few years ago. We are working up another album as we speak.

Me: Richie, congrats on winning an Emmy a few years ago. Did you guys get to go?

Goomba Richie: We did go, it was held at the Marriott Marquis on Broadway. It was one of the best nights of our lives, especially when they called our names as the winner. Looking forward to the Grammy awards someday. LOL.

Me: I should mention what it was for. It was for the soundtrack to a documentary called Farmboy. Was that done on Long Island as well?

Goomba Richie: The movie was directed by our good buddy Jake Gorst. He got us involved. Most of it was shot in Ithica, NY which is where it took place.

Me: Is Farmboy available on DVD? What was it about? A farmboy I am guessing.

Goomba Richie: Yes it is, you can find links on our website. It's about the contributions of H.E. Babcock to farming and many other things he helped change. Very interesting.

Me: I watched your videos, Richie. It looks like you had a good time making them. where were they filmed?

Goomba Richie: We had a great time filming them. They are mostly filmed in Long Island with the exception of "You Must Love Me" which was filmed in the desert in Palm Springs. We were green screened in.

Me: I imagine you do a lot of shows around New York, do you ever go on tour?

Goomba Richie: We do play a lot of shows in Long Island. We are playing a few times in Key West in November at MOTM which is a Jimmy Buffett Parrot head convention and then again in January  at Margaritaville in Key West. We are hoping Jimmy will let us open for him some day.

Me: And I saw you guys have a campaign to get on Letterman's show. Forget it, you were on the Phile. I wish you luck with that though.

Goomba Richie: It's not an easy task to get on Letterman as we have found out. This is a very tough business to get anything done unless you know someone. I'm thinking it's probably too late for Oprah too.

Me: Yeah, her show is done. Richie, thanks so much for the interview and being here on the Phile. Go ahead and plug your website and how they can help getting you guys on the Letterman. I wish you lots of luck, and the next time I am up in Port Jeff I will try and see you guys in concert.

Goomba Richie: This has been fun, Jason, and thanks for having me. Our web site is youngrebelgoombas.com. You can email me at youngrebelgoomba@aol.com and to get us on Letterman, well maybe someone out there knows someone who knows someone. Thanks again.

That about does it for these Long Island entries. I had so much fun being here, going to places I grew up, and hanging out with some good friends. Special thanks to the Knotgen family, the Glass family, Laird Jim, Mayor Margot Garant, Mike Philbrick and the Port Jeff Brewing Company and the Young Rebel Goombas. The Phile will be back next Thursday with Dr. Demento... yes, that Dr. Demento and Friday with Jess Meuse who was on the last season of "American Idol". So, spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. And, Long Island, I will be back!

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

Pheaturing Port Jeff Brewing Company Brewmaster Mike Philbrick

Hello, welcome to the Phile for the second entry from Long Island. I am your host, the Long Island Extra Extra Large. Why is it that the Long Island Medium never talks to spirits who are still pissed and want revenge? Boy, am I glad I didn't grow up in Dallas, y'know.  So, being here since Saturday I feel my Long Island accent is coming back. I want to keep calling it Lawn Guyland. I have been to a lot of places since I have been here. Riverhead, Rocky Point, St. James, Port Jeff, Mount Sinai, Sayville... but I was told while I am here I should go to Huntington... why, is it really that cool? I was also told I should go to a place called Utopia. Everybody on the Island has been there at least once. Okay, so, does anyone know why the HOV land on the LIE stops in Hicksville instead of the Northern State? So, I was gonna rent a car this week while I'm here but with the Parkways, the L.I.E., the Causeway, Robert Moses bridge, 110, 25A, Deer Park Avenue, Old Country Road, Jericho Turnpike, Hempstead Turnpike, Northern Blvd, Sunrise Highway and Vets Highway I thought I would get lost. I get lost driving around Orlando and I lived there for 27 years. So, did you know Long Island was once potato fields? I didn't.  Okay, there's other stuff going on in the world...
After weeks of speculation about the North Korean leader's health, Kim Jong-un, or a cleverly manufactured facsimile of him... was photographed in public earlier today offering "field guidance" to Pyongyang officials. The mannequin, doppelgänger or actual leader of the nation was carrying a cane, which would lend credence to rumors that Kim had broken his ankle and was not devoured by a pack of the North Norean military's hungry dogs. I also think he had a facelift...

Hahaha. He looks a little bit like Jonah Hill not Nicolas Cage.  A Dutch entrepreneur is offering a way for your friends and family to remember the bad decisions you made during the course of your life well after you've passed away. All you have to do is instruct his Holland-based company to flay the skin on which you chose to tattoo a Calvin/Hobbes/Ziggy three-way from your corpse and he'll preserve it for your grandchildren's' grandchildren to admire with solemn reverence. You know, I don’t get the phrase, “cool as a cucumber” because I’ve never seen a cucumber with a tattoo.  

Television composer and new father Bear McCreary is advising his fellow parents to not let their children watch the newest season of the show to which he contributes music, "The Walking Dead", which returned to television sets Sunday night. "Do not let children watch @WalkingDead_AMC tonight. Or ever again. I'm very serious," he wrote on Twitter. I guess he finally got around to checking out the show. "The Walking Dead" forces us to ask who the real monsters are: the zombies or the humans. Answer: it's the zombies, stupid! Come on!  The editorial staff of Esquire have done their homework, crunched their numbers and determined who the world's sexiest woman of 2014 is. Luckily, the winner, Penelope Cruz, is someone who is both incredibly famous and willing to pose for Esquire's cameras. Otherwise, they wouldn't have had a cover for this month's issue.

Tom Cruise, Penelope Cruz, and Terry Crews in... NOT WITHOUT MY SPELLCHECK!  Scientists have successfully managed to use human brain cells to create Alzheimer's Disease inside a petri dish. They'll be able to use these cells as an easy means of testing anti-Alzheimer drugs in the hopes of wiping out the degenerative disorder. They're hoping that they'll be able to use a similar technique for testing other disorders. I just forgot why I Googled Alzheimer's.  At the start of the entry I mentioned the Long Island Medium. I don't really know who she is so I looked her up and all I can say is... eeeew!

I heard she was hot... guess I was wrong.  So, back home there's a lot of signs for attractions... Sea World, Disney World, Universal, Holy Land Experience... there's attractions here on Long Island, they just don't advertise them very good.

I found a new love... Long Island News 12. There's a cute girl in the mornings with short hair reading the news, but I don't know who she is. Anyway, some of their stories they talk about are not all that interesting.

Burger King's up here are slightly different...

LOL. I almost texted that number... then I remembered I have a wife back home. Moving on...  I'm not  a burger guy but some places here really sell burgers for cheap.

Oh, wait, the ad expired in 1973. Never mind.  Yesterday on the Phile I interviewed Port Jefferson Mayor Margot Garant. I guess the interview went well, because she renamed one of the Port Jeff ferry's...

The love boat, exciting and new. Haha.  One of the things I like to do when I am not driving around Long Island is to go on Twitter, look up certain words and see what people are talking about. Two of those words I look up are Long and Island and this is a Tweet I saw recently...

So, even though I am in New York right now, most of you know I live in Florida. Some crazy shit happens in Florida, that wouldn't happen anywhere else. That's why I have a feature called...

Sometimes it isn't so bad being misunderstood. Say, for example, if you were robbing a bunch of beach-goers, you might want to be misunderstood as someone innocent. Jonathan Warrenfeltz, 24, was so desperate to be understood, he tattooed "Misunderstood" in cursive across his forehead after being released from prison on February 1st. Here is a picture of him...

No room for misunderstanding here, this guy is super crazy. And I don't say he's crazy because of his super crazy face tats, though that would be fair, but also because he took his super crazy face tats to the beach and robbed people in the light of day. According to the reports, Misunderstood Warrenfeltz, his friend Joshua Zeaya, and two women (super crazy identifiable face tats are such a major turn on) went to Florida's Dania Beach where they held up five people at gunpoint. They made off with $1500 worth of property, then raced off to a motel 6, made a wrong turn, and inexplicably threw the stolen stuff out of the car along the way. "After the [suspects] took off they started throwing property out of the vehicle until they reached Motel 6," Detective Marcos Toledo explained the trip to the Sun Sentinal. They didn't find the rifle, but a search of the vehicle found the victims' credit cards, wallets and a backpack. And the most damning evidence? No prizes if you guess this one right. Seven witnesses identified him by his tattoo of the word "misunderstood" written on his head in cursive. He held up five people, was identified by seven. Police caught up with him in 30 minutes. That means Warrenfeltz robbed some people on a beach, took a wrong turn during his getaway, left stolen items behind as he went, and was caught by police in less time than it takes to get a pizza delivered. He is now being held in jail without bond and is facing a separate cocaine charge later this week, but at least he is very, very well understood. You'd be misunderstood too if every time you tried to talk a spider crawled in your mouth.

Can you spot the Mindphuck? By the way, this chair is dangerous. That's the second time I almost tipped up in it.  Yesterday when I interviewed Major Garant I mentioned Boogie Hotel Studios. I had a few people email me asking me what it looks like, and what it is now. I stopped by there the other day and happened to get a picture taken...

It is now Antique Costume & Prop Rental... you can check out the website at antiquecostumes.com. If you want to see the building, you can't go in, it's on Main Street in Port Jeff.  The last few weeks I have been asking you to send me a photo of something typical Long Island and I would post it here. So, here is the second one...

Not the most exciting pic I have to admit.  Okay, so, I lived on the Island for ten years, and haven't been back in about ten and there's a lot of stuff I always thought I knew about the Island but don't. So, here's a pheature called...

In 1936, Nazism was growing in Germany and Adolf Hitler was expanding the country's military might. He had supporters on Long Island as well... specifically Camp Siegfried in Yaphank, which claimed to be a summer camp. The camp was supported by the German-American Bund, and a brochure promised "You will meet people who think as you do." Nazi supporters are seen here in Yaphank in 1937.

Also, when my friend Jarred was driving me around he told me a German u-boat landed in Amaganset with Nazi spies during World War II. Locals thought they were fisherman and just waved to them. You crazy Americans. Speaking of a crazy American... he's a singer, patriot and renaissance man... and a Long Islander. You know what time it is.

Okay... Just got up after a long night hanging out with this bunch of nuts who taught me this new game called ASSASSIN. Eight of us split up and drink in NYC bars within a 12 block square area. We give each other vague clues in mass texts. Stalk... find... and kill each other with very small, very accurate paint ball guns (about the size of a derringer). Five men, three women. After lots of booze, lots of odd looks from everyone around us, two very jumpy members of the NYPD, one police report, one unfortunate drug dealer, one very amused train conductor, countless NYC witnesses, several annoyed cab drivers and one over protective dog... I wound up being second to last person standing He jumped out of a fucking dumpster and got the drop on me. Way to commit... you smelly bastard. Anyway... I came in second out of eight. So I won $200 after an initial $100 buy in. Pretty cool game... HEY... this is what former cops and ex-marines do for fun on a Saturday night in New York. We get drunk, unwind and kill each other for money... LOL. I'm gonna hunt down some breakfast then figure out what I'm going to do with myself today.

Okay, today's pheatured guest is the Brewmaster for the Port Jeff Brewing Co. which on Saturday had it's 3rd anniversary. You all need to go and check out the Schooner. That one was my favorite. Please welcome to the Phile... Mike Philbrick.

Me: Hello, Mike, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Mike: I'm great. I'm actually heading back on the LIRR from a long day in Brooklyn and West Chester visiting some of our accounts out there. Its a weekly pilgrimage I do to keep our customers up to speed with our beers.

Me: I wanted to interview you ever since two years ago when I learnt that Port Jeff now had a Brewing Company. When I lived in Port Jeff in the 70s and 80s it didn't have it's own beer. If it does I would of been to young to know about it anyway. Its location used to be a kite shop I think. Did you know that?

Mike: I've definitely heard some rumblings about kites but more recently and notably it was Once Upon a Christmas a year round Christmas store which actually still operates in Port Jeff. Its a strange chane from ornaments and gift wrap and always funny when people walk into our tasting room thinking they are gonna see Santa but instead are greeted by beer taps. Many stay to try some samples anyway.

Me: Mike, where are you from?

Mike: My dad was in the Navy so basically a few different places he was stationed but we ended up in Sandy Hook, CT. I went to high school there. I moved to Long Island with my wife (who is from Stony Brook) about 7 years ago.

Me: How did you get into the beer making business? Did you start out making beers at home?

Mike: I started with a homebrew kit that my wife bought for me Christmas 2000. I had grown to appeciate what they called "microbrews" at that time and figured I would try my hand at it. I always liked to cook and there are alot of similarities between brewinng and cooking. Although my intial brews tasted like swamp water I kept with it and eventually started making my own recipes with alot more frequency.

Me: It seems like in the last few years microbreweries have become such a big thing. How and why do you think this happened?

Mike: I think people like choices. We all have varying tastes and gravitate towards locally produced products. This local and micro non mass production is gaining popularity across many food products such as farming, dairy, ciders, wine, etc. Most people who appreciate craft beers are always interested in variety so that lends itself to support smaller local and regional breweries.

Me: Is there any brand beers you like? Samuel Adams, Yuengling? I like that beer, but it has a stupid name.

Mike: Yuengling is a family name. But yes, it does sound strange. I drink all sorts of beers large or small. When I attended college at Temple University in Philadelphia Yuengling was the go-to local beer. So I had a lot of them. I still really like their porter. I will try anything. Big brands typically get big because the liquid is good and they market it well. There is something to appreciate on either side.

Me: You went to the World Brewing Academy... where is this and how long did you go there?

Mike: Most of my education there was done online though they have a location in Chicago and another in Doemans, Germany. The microbrewery course I took with them lasted about five months.

Me: Is that how you became a Brewmaster?

Mike: Brewmaster is a loose term. I think of an old guy next to a kettle when I hear that so I typically don't refer to myself as Brewmaster but rather a Brewer. I learned a lot of the science behind brewing at WBA but also a lot from home brewing and visiting other breweries and conferences.

Me: So, I am sure you have a team of people to help you make the beer, am I right? How many people do you have helping you?

Mike: We have a head brewer, a cellar man... who packages beer and cleans tanks/kegs and 1-2 interns.

Me: How much beer do you make in a day or week?

Mike: We can make about 35 barrels of beer per week or 70 kegs. It comes out to be about 1200 pints per day that get consumed by people who drink our product.

Me: Mike, you are the Port Jeff's Brewmaster, but do you also own the business?

Mike: I'm the owner and handle most of the day to day business of the brewery. Anything from ordering supplies to make beer, t-shirts, selling beer, and organizing special events.

Me: I think it's cool Port Jeff has it's own brewery, I mean, Rocky Point doesn't own it's own brewery, does it?

Mike: Actually there is a small brewery in Rocky Point called Rocky Point Artisan Brewers. They are a good group of guys but due to their small size it can be difficult to find them on tap places.

Me: How many kinds of beers do you sell, Mike?

Mike: We will make somewhere between 20-25 different styles of beer this year. We make 5 beers year round and the rest are seasonal... like pumpkin beer Boo Brew or winter ale Ice Breaka.

Me: Are you always inventing new beers?

Mike: We like to experiment with different styles so when we have the available space in a tank it's not unusual for us to run a new beer. Many of these new beers become part of our regular offerings. We have retired certain beers that may not have been as well received as others. We also make a handful of beers that are only available at our tasting room. Like Summer Shandy, Blueberry Wheat, and Downport Rye.

Me: I think there should be a Peverett Phile beer, what do you think?

Mike: Peverett Pilsner has a nice ring to it.

Me: Yes. Yes. It. Does. So, has any celebrities besides myself... haha... been in the shop?

Mike: We have had some celebrity guests. The Doobie Brothers stopped in last summer and drank up a bunch of our Schooner Ale while they were staying at Danfords. I'm still waiting on Billy Joel to come in... we will drive him home.

Me: Mike, everything has a nautical theme, which makes sense considering it's on the harbor. Was that your idea?

Mike: Yes, the harbor theme was a no brainer. There are quite a few other breweries with the same general theme but given our location we would be fools not to utilize it. For the record it was really my wife's idea.

Me: Are you into boating?

Mike: Yes, I have a boat in the marina across the street. We take the kids to Pirates Cove and Whites Beach and also fish quite frequently in the sound. Tubing at high tide in Conscience Bay is a good time too.

Me: Before you got into the beer making business, Mike, what did you do?

Mike: I was a sales manager for Marvin Windows. Super exciting stuff!

Me: How did you tell your wife you were now gonna get into the beer making business? Did she think you were crazy?

Mike: It was actually her idea. It was largely based on getting my beer making crap out of our basement though. I remember coming home from work one day complaining about it. She owns a dance studio so she works in a field she is passionate about. She said why not choose a field that I'm passionate about. Since you cant really make a living drinking beer I went with the next best thing.

Me: I have to admit I was excited when I saw a Triumph spot on "Conan" and they showed a poster for the Brewing Co. in the background. That must of been a big deal for you, am I right?

Mike: I'm a huge fan of Triumph and they actually asked if they could interview us but knowing how they can cut and paste what you say in the final edit I declined. They spoke with the brewery next to us instead which didn't go that well for them. It was a great piece non the less.

Me: Have you heard of the World of Beer in Florida? I don't know if they are national, but they sell beer's from around the world, hence the name, and they don't sell your beer but there is a sticker of the Brewing Company on a door there. Do you sell your beers outside your shop? In restaurants, or stores? Is that something you wanna do in the future?

Mike: I have heard of the World of Beer. Never been though. Thats great that they have a PJBC sticker! We currently sell our beer in about 150 places throughout Long Island, NYC, and West Chester County, NY. We will likely stick to NY for the near future but plan to be in other states within the next 3 years.

Me: I asked the Mayor when I interviewed her about the damage Hurricane Sandy did to Port Jeff... did the Brewing Company get a any damage?

Mike: First off Mayor Garant is a great supporter of the brewery and we are blessed to have her as our Mayor here in Port Jeff. We had very minor flooding and had prepared for much worse. We lost some paper files and other merchandise but we were spared greatly. The brewery is pretty much built to be wet so a little water wasn't difficult.

Me: So, in five years, where do you see the Brewing Company, Mike? I'm sure it'll be huge by then.

Mike: We will continue to expand to meet demand. We will likely build an additional facility to make more product in the near future. My hope is that we can be spread into the mid Atlantic states in five years but we really want to do it as organically as possible.

Me: Thanks so much for finally being here on this Long Island entry of the Phile. I plugged the Brewing Company a few times and hinted I want a free t-shirt and beer... haha. I did finally get a t-shirt though thanks to my sister when she came down in March. Go ahead and mention your website and continued success. Come back on the Phile again soon. I will be in the shop again soon!!

Mike: Thanks for having me! Our website is portjeffbrewing.com and you can also find us on Twitter and Facebook @portjeffbrewing. Cheers!!!

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Laird Jim and of course Mike Philbrick. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Richie Saccente, the lead singer from the Long Island band Young Rebel Goombas. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. And now back to Port Jeff...

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker