Pheaturing Linda Perry

 

Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Friday. How are you? The world is still spinning since the United States Capitol was stormed on January 6th, 2021 and new information just keeps coming. The latest is particularly unsettling as there is not only evidence the violent attack was planned months ahead of time... and out in the open... but rioters may have also had detailed schematics of the Capitol building at their disposal. A video recorded by one of the rioters from inside the Capitol building appeared on Twitter this week. It showed the explicitly detailed discussion of how to take the rest of the building as well as the Congresspeople who were still inside. As if the discovered bombs, weapons, vandalism, looting, zip-tie restraints and cable-fashioned noose were not enough, it’s likely the group had access to schematics of the building, as well. At the beginning of the video, someone off-camera asked, “What’s the floor plan?” Another man with long hair and a beard explained where to go in the building. “We go upstairs and go around. That’s what we’ll do.” Someone else yelled about infiltration. “We need more people! We need to push forward!” Most startlingly, a woman in a pink winter hat began talking to the group from outside the building with a megaphone. She was previously caught on camera in another video, helping another woman break one of the windows she would use to speak through to direct the group on the inside. She gave them explicit directions about taking the rest of the building. “Hey guys, I’ve been in the other room. Listen to me.” “In another room on the other side of this door, right there where you’re standing, there is a glass that if someone can get broken, you could drop down into the room underneath.” “There’s also two doors in the other room. One in the rear and one to the right when you go in it (the room).” “So, you should probably coordinate together if you’re going to take this building.” The woman continued to direct the group on how to break another window in their current room, so more people could easily get inside. The videographer then followed some of the rioters out of the room and into the hallway. They passed what appeared to be an office, where some insurrectionists were exploring bookshelves. They passed another room where it sounded like items were being broken. They then reached a room with multiple computer desks, where rioters were attempting to unlock the computers and were taking computer hardware. In the last seconds of the video, the videographer returned to the room that appeared to be an office to see a man who was attempting to break out a large, half-circle window from the inside. Twitter users were both disgusted and deeply disturbed by this video. The Twitterverse seems to be in agreement certain people in the video need to be held responsible for their crimes. The investigation of the storming of the Capitol continues as more people involved are identified and their exact intentions and involvement confirmed. President Donald Trump was impeached on Wednesday for his involvement.

There are now scores of images from the Capitol riots that will indelibly live in our brains forever. And among the most memorable was one that was by turns bizarre, hilarious and bone-chilling. A photo of a sweet-looking, slightly dazed-seeming, tiny old lady standing in the Capitol amidst the insurrection was shared online. The Internet named her “Capitol Meemaw,” and she instantly spawned a boatload of hilarious memes in the aftermath of the riot. Here's the pic...

But joke’s on all of us. It turns out she wasn’t even there. Capitol Meemaw’s journey to Internet infamy all began when a Twitter user posted a photo of her sweetly smiling at the camera, American flag in hand, amidst a group of other Trump supporters supposedly in Washington D.C. at the Capitol riot. And before long, the image was ricocheting around the Internet as part of myriad memes. She even spawned a new joke about Republicans’ repeated attempts to pin right-wing violence on leftists... the nickname Aunt Tifa. But if the photo didn’t quite add up to you... because the small number of people around her looks so calm and non-threatening compared to all the other terrifying images from the Capitol riot... you weren’t alone. BuzzFeed News tracked down Capitol Meemaw in Kansas, where she lives. And it turns out, she was nowhere near the United States Capitol on January 6th. Instead, she was at a protest at the Kansas state Capitol in Topeka, where the photo was taken. In fact, similar images of her appeared in news footage from local station KSNT taken at the Topeka demonstration... which, in contrast to its Capitol counterpart, was calm, orderly and legal. Not a single arrest was made the entire day and no one stormed, vandalized or looted unlike in Washington D.C. The woman, who asked to remain anonymous, is actually a 66-year-old Christian who grew up on a nearby wheat farm. She attended the Topeka demonstration to pray for the country. As she told BuzzFeed, “At the Capitol, we were really just there to pray, and that’s really our mission every time we go there... just cover the whole Capitol with the presence of the Lord.” And she had no idea she had become Internet famous until a friend reached out about it. “He said he’d seen a picture of me and wondered if I was at the [U.S.] Capitol, and I assured him I was not. I was a long ways from there.” “I couldn’t be in two places at once!” On Twitter, people were shocked and even a bit disappointed to find the “Capitol Meemaw” moment had all been a ruse. Perhaps the biggest bombshell of all is that Capitol Meemaw never had any children... so she’s not even a Meemaw at all. So far, 2021 is full of surprises. 

The insurrection at the United States Capitol has definitely showed us the darker side of those we once thought of as harmless, despite any problematic belief systems they held. Even more so, it has showed it is not just the poor, uneducated and disenfranchised in the mob Trump inspired despite the excuses made for their behavior. Even elite athletes like United States Olympic Swimmer Klete Keller... who was identified among the domestic terrorists at the Capitol complex... decided to attack the United States legislative branch at the behest of the President over an imagined slight. Keller was identified in the video. He was wearing his U.S. Olympic Team jacket to boot. Keller’s social media accounts have all been suspended as well, in conjunction with Twitter and Facebook’s crackdowns on content. Keller was employed by the real estate firm Hoff & Leigh in Colorado Springs, Colorado until resigning his position after being identified by neighbors, teammates and coaches in the videos of the Capitol riot. Calls are mounting for him to be stripped of his Olympic medals. USA Swimming released a statement regarding Keller’s participation in the insurrection, “We respect private individuals’ and groups’ rights to peacefully protest but in no way condone the actions taken by those at the Capitol last week.” Keller had not been formally charged as of this writing, but was reported to the proper authorities. It is unclear what further consequences he may suffer, though it seems like the writing is on the wall for all who took part in this act of domestic terrorism.  Keller, 38, was charged with civil disorder, knowingly entering a restricted building and violent entry and disorderly conduct on Capitol grounds. Charges were filed in federal court Wednesday. The criminal complaint includes an arrest warrant. 

Michael Smith, the franchise owner of a McDonald’s restaurant in Oakland, California, has been blamed for the working conditions he has put his employees in. Four employees have filed a lawsuit against him in blaming the conditions at the business for a coronavirus outbreak there, saying that they were asked to work even after they got sick, given makeshift items for face masks including dog diapers and coffee filters. Micheal Rubin, an attorney representing the plaintiffs, told SFGate.com, “They were provided as a stopgap but were completely inadequate, and it’s somewhat offensive that the company wouldn’t provide adequate masks. Eventually, they were given masks meant for one-time use, but they were told to use them day after day after day. One worker who had symptoms complained of being sick and said she couldn’t breathe and was told by the manager to just pull the mask down, which means this woman was infecting other people.” All four employees contracted COVID-19, and Rubin said that it resulted in 25 more cases of the virus, including employees, family members, and employees from another McDonald’s in Berkeley. McDonald’s workers from the Berkeley location are suspected to have contracted the illness when the managers of both the fast-food chains had a meeting, and one employee’s baby had a temperature of 104 degrees after becoming ill. Attorney B.J. Chisholm, who represents Yamilette Olimara Osoy Hernandez, told reporters, “Store managers do not enforce social distancing, and they do not give us proper gloves or sufficient masks,” and Hernandez added, “First, I had to buy masks with my own money. And at one point, the manager tried to give us dog diapers to use as masks.” Smith addressed the accusations in a statement to the Bay Area News Group, saying, “We identified and reached out to all restaurant staff who had been in close contact with the employees who contracted the virus and advised they self-quarantine in accordance with CDC [Centers for Disease Control and Prevention] guidelines. We expect to reopen in a few days when we can safely staff the restaurant again. Our people are the heart and soul of our McDonald’s family, and we are keeping those impacted in our thoughts for a fast and full recovery.” He also explained that workers at his McDonald’s location were required to wear personal protective equipment at all times and shut down the rumors that his employees had to wear coffee filters and doggie diapers for face masks instead. Nevertheless, the franchise followed California’s state-ordered health department guidelines, providing employees with paid leave and “nearly $20,000 worth of grocery gift cards to further aid them during this difficult time.” 

The blame game continues as Rudy Giuliani, who has been quite the talk to the town in recent months, decided to open his mouth on what he actually meant when he told Trump supporters to march down to Washington, D.C. to storm the U.S. Capitol, inciting a violent riot that resulted in five people losing their lives. Basically, he blamed the HBO hit series "Game of Thrones" for his speech on the Capitol riots. Apparently, when the respected former New York City mayor said, “let’s have trial by combat!” he told The Hill’s White House reporter Brett Samuels that he was inspired by the HBO fantasy show. He said, “I was referencing the kind of trial that took place for Tyrion in that very famous documentary about fictitious medieval England. When Tyrion, who is a very small man, is accused of murder. He didn’t commit murder, he can’t defend himself, and he hires a champion to defend him.” If you’re a Game of Thrones fan (like the rest of the world!), you’ll understand the reference. I had to to look it up personally. But for the ones who need a refresher or who haven’t seen the show, Tyrion Lannister (played by Peter Dinklage) invoked “trial by combat” twice. The first time was in season one during the trial at the Eyrie, and the second time was during the trial at the Red Keep in season four. If Giuliani was trying to make his statement more reasonable, how could he do so when both those trials in the series resulted in a violent sword fight? And since the poor guy seems to always make matters worse for himself, he called "Game of Thrones" a “documentary.” What?! Well, he didn’t stop there in adding that he the trial he was referring to was one “between machines,” as in the voting machines that the Trump administration claimed were rigged in helping him lose the election. He said, “It incited no violent response from the crowd. None. The crowd didn’t jump up saying, ‘Lock him up, throw him to jail, go to hell.’ I’ve had speeches where people jump up and say, ‘lock him up.’ It was not an emotional... it was not an emotion-inspiring part of the speech.” Because of his comments, Giuliani is actually facing possible expulsion from the New York State Bar. According to the New York Times, a group of former assistant U.S. attorneys says that his comments contributed to the lives lost during the riot and have “inflicted damage on the country.” Giuliani served as Republican President Donald Trump’s personal attorney and has objected to now Democrat President-Elect Joe Biden’s win as the new president of the United States. The past few months have been rocky for Giuliani as his name has been in media for months like when he was suspicious featured in the Borat sequel, contracted COVID-19, and now seemingly helped incite the rioters. With President Trump’s second impeachment on deck, things have most definitely not gotten any easier for the politician.

Okay, so, I have been saying for a long time it seems that NFL teams this year have changed their logos. Well, I have the very last team that changed their logo right here...

On Monday's entry I interviewed Matthew On Monday's entry I interviewed Matthew McConaughey, who played David Wooderson in Dazed and Confused. Well, I originally had that role and I have proof...

See? Haha. You know what I love? When people reenact their old photos, like this one...

That's good. Haha. So, they tell me at Walmart I'd see some odd sights. I didn't believe it until I saw this...

When I get bored sometimes I like to go on Twitter and see what people are talking about certain things. One of those things is "Foghat," and this is a Tweet I saw recently...

Hahahahahaha. If I had a TARDIS I would go see a Miss Universe competition but knowing my luck it'll be the one where Miss New Zealand passes out from heat exhaustion. 

The fallen lady was Moana Manley and she was not the only one who got sick that day. Between people refusing to believe in the virus and politicians refusing to believe in votes, 2020 was a big year for face-palming. I'm surprised my nose hasn't been palmed right off my face. But 2021 will be different, right?! In 2021, people will believe science, accept facts, use our brains, and practice empathy, right? RIGHT???? WRONG! It looks like this year is shaping up to be about as dumb as the last one.

Can we get an F? Haha. Valentine's Day is a month away, kids. If you're looking for a card to get for your loved one how about this?

Nice. A woman’s body goes through a lot of changes during pregnancy. How or if her body returns to a close version of what it was before the pregnancy is determined by a number of factors. Age is one of them. A man who wanted his wife to look more like his sister... 17 years her junior... post pregnancy turned to the Phile for feedback after he took action to make it happen.  

"Am I wrong for trying to help my wife to eat more like my sister? My wife (38) and my sister (21) were pregnant and gave birth around the same time. My wife gave birth in late September and my sister gave birth on the 2nd of October. We live in Florida, and despite my sister giving birth later, when we saw her during the holiday season, she was already back in a bikini and wearing her usual style of bra length tops and ripped skinny jeans and looked flawless. She’s an influencer and her followers have begun commenting the hourglass emoji under her content again. My wife has expressed envy at my sister when we’d go out in public and people would be vocal about how surprised they were that my sister was her son’s mother and not a big sister in high school. My wife works out all the time, going on runs every morning before work and going to the gym during the weekend. Recently in therapy she said she can feel me being so uninterested in her since our daughter was born and says she desperately tries to get facials and works out to try to keep my attention. I felt bad that my wife seemed to be exercising so much but the scale never seemed to budge and she was left agonizing over the fact that she had the beginning of the stereotypically gaunt ‘runner’s face.' So I asked my sister what her secret was to being so fit because I knew she didn’t like to work out much because she fears gaining muscle that would make her look unfeminine about as much as someone would fear dying. We went over to my sister and her husband’s home for Christmas and she showed us the contents of her fridge which were mostly fruits and vegetables and didn’t have stuff like pasta or bread in it, which I noticed that my wife continuously was eating, along with chocolate covered pretzels she compulsively munches on. So I offered got the groceries the other day with no junk food. However, a few hours later I come home from a run and I see the unhealthy crap my wife likes back in the pantry and fridge, some of the bread already eaten. My wife herself said that if she could adopt whatever my sister does and see it work, she’d do anything to look like my sister. So in an attempt to be a problem solver I tossed the new junk (including stuff for pasta, bread, ice cream) out. When my wife came back inside I was making lunch and she scrunched her nose up at the soup I was making and went to the pantry before I could stop her. She got furious when she saw that I had tossed out her food and I said that she wanted to look like my sister so I was trying to help make that happen. I said she didn’t need any of the so called comfort food and she started screaming that it’s all gone ‘from breastfeeding’ and that she couldn’t believe I was comparing her negatively to my sister. She said my sister was a stay at home mom with a husband who pays for her personal trainer and somebody to cook their food for them and started crying that she’s ‘lost me since our daughter arrived.' Am I wrong for trying to solve my wife’s body problem in a productive way?” Here’s your sisters secret… she's 21! And your wife is almost 40. If the wife works out that much and breast feeds and still is struggling with weight loss it is likely her hormones and her age. She could have thyroid issues that started due to yeah, you guessed it, hormones. Sir, no way he can’t realize how shitty he coming off. Just tell your wife you still find her incredibly attractive and you know in time she’ll lose the weight if she keeps up what she’s doing. It’s healthy to lose weight a little slower. Skin goes back to normal a little better. You failed to recognize the very different situation your wife and sister were in. Your helpful suggestions turned out to be harmful ignorance. So, um, yeah, sir, you are wrong. If you have a problem you'd like my opinion on email me at thepeverettphile@gmail.com. Now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York here is...

Top Phive Things Said About President Trump's Second Impeachment

5. Donald Trump is the first actor from Home Alone 2 to be impeached twice.

4. Hilarious that the only popular vote Trump actually won twice is to remove him. 

3. Congrats to Trump for finally making history in a way Obama never did.

2. This is the "gritty reboot" impeachment. 

And the number one thing said about Trump's second impeachment is...

1. I know it's easy to make fun Donald Trump because he got impeached twice, but that's only because he got impeached twice. 

If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, let's take a live look at Port Jeff, shall we?

Looks cold and rainy there. But still looks good. Okay, now for some sad news...

Siegfried Fischbacher 

June 13th, 1939 — January 13th, 2021 

Siegfried and Roy! Together again for an exclusive engagement! 

Sheldon Adelson 

August 4th, 1933 — January 11th, 2021 

For a man that built casinos, worked with mobsters, fought against weed legalization and Internet gambling, and was the single biggest supporter of a twice-impeached President, you'd think he was a complete shitbag. Turns out, you'd be right.

Oh, boy. Are you ready for this? The 144th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Yup. President Barack Obama will be the guest on the Phile in a few weeks. I salute him. I am so excited. 

Today's pheatured guest is an American singer-songwriter, musician, and record producer. She was the lead singer and primary songwriter of 4 Non Blondes, and has since founded two record labels and composed and produced hit songs for several other artists. And she's a fan of the Phile. Please welcome to the Phile... Linda Perry.

Me: Hey, Linda, welcome to the Phile. What's up? 

Linda: Thank you, Jason, I'm really good. 

Me: So, I didn't realize you are a producer as a songwriter. What is the producer's number one job in your opinion? 

Linda: I feel a producer is a director. The producers are the one that helps. The writers are the one who wrote the "screenplay" and comes up with the story, or the artist. But it's the producers job to help fulfill their vision. I have to put the characters, the cast, together. I have to make sure everybody stays focused. I have to know when to switch the story and edit to make a really solid foundations. I believe for me I'm thinking more old school because that's what the greatest producers used to do, they used to really make great albums and in order to make those really great albums they have to focus and make the artists feel safe, protected, developing them, nurturing them, helping them go from here to there. I think that's a kind of art that's mussing right now. It's an art that's missing in songwriting, it's an art that's missing in artists and it's an art that's missing in managers, labels, the art of development. 

Me: What's the number one thing wrong people are getting in production these days? 

Linda: To me the number one thing is chasing someone else's vision. 

Me: What do you mean? 

Linda: Say you and I get together, and you say, "Hey, Linda, really glad to see you, I want to write these great songs." 

Me: Yeah, I play the kazoo, let's do it. 

Linda: Okay, Jason, let's go to the radio and find out what all the hits are. Let's listen to what people are wanting to hear right now. Hey, let's go pull up all the main Spotify play lists, the Apple play lists and let's see what Zane Lowe is putting out there. Okay, this is what's hip, let's do it, okay. Jason, let's go. 

Me: So, they are trying to chase getting a hit? 

Linda: That's what I think is going on right now instead of people fulfilling their own destiny, they are riding the coat tales of other peoples. That is a severe problem because its already been done, you can buy that album. Why are we chasing it? I think that's why it sounds exactly the same all the time. Tempos, subject matter, structures, sonic, no one is being risky right now. So as a producer the number one thing I see that's happening that is a no-no is producers just being safe and just copying other things. 

Me: I kinda understand though that the artists are thinking if they fail it can take their career down and they don't want that. I'm just being devils advocate, but do you think that's what they are thinking? 

Linda: Well, it depends if you're failing at what you love. First of all there is no failure if they're doing that they want to do. That is more forgiving, but when they fail, I don't like that word, I don't believe in failure. It's incredible opportunities to evolve into something better. But when we don't have the success based on copying somebody THAT ruins their career. But they aren't having success by just being who they are, remaining incredible and their intention is good and their integrity, that doesn't ruin their career. If they do it a few times they are just cool. LOL. "Oh, I like that, Jason, he's always doing it his way." "I love him, he's great." 

Me: "Even if he's not selling a thousand records." By the way, that's the barrier in nowadays by the way. 

Linda: Somebody said to me once, and I started to get upset by it but I didn't. I was saying how this particular person, this guy who does syncs, the songs sound like syncs, they sound like commercials. But everything he played me I thought was genius. So I played it to this guy and I said, "I think this guy is a genius." He said, "Genius is when you can captivate the whole world and getting everybody singing your song, blah blah blah." I said, "That's not genius." I know many geniuses that are homeless. There's a lot of people that will never be heard. But that's the key right there, what is success to you. Is success getting validation? Acceptance? Or success being able to express and be exactly who you want to be and be okay with that? 

Me: What do you look for when you're looking to work for somebody? 

Linda: Um, I'm picky. The thing is I have a lot of great intention. My intention is I want a lot, I want a lot of success. I want both. I want the material success and I want the credibility and feeling good about what I do success. So in order to achieve what I want I have to really think about what I'm doing because honesty if I didn't leave 4 Non Blondes when I did I believe my credibility would've went down the tube. But I left just at the right moment where people couldn't really call me a one hit wonder because we were making a second record and we were about to do it but the industry knows I left a very successful situation. Then instead of trying to make this pop record for 4 Non Blondes that Jimmy Iovine wanted me to do I didn't. To me I did an album that emulated "Dark Side of the Moon." I was so in love with that album and the feeling that it gave me I wanted to do my version of that. So I made this record called "In Flight" and Interscope shelved it. But I was so happy that I made that album, so gorgeous and so beautiful. I've listened to that album many times and I've probably listened to that 4 Non Blondes album maybe seven times. Serious. So all my choices have been leading me up to this ultimate goal and the ultimate goal is one day I want to be like 86-years-old and I'm going to get this massive lifetime achievement award for all the wonderful things I did in the music business. And all the artists that I mentored or helped, and that to me is my ultimate goal. But I'm not going to get there if I do a bunch of cheesy uncredible pop songs that don't represent who I am. So that's why, I'm not snobby, I just have my dream. I know what I want to do and if I go over here I'm changing the "movie." I see my "movie," I'm really happy with it. That's what I'm trying to do, I'm trying to complete my "movie." 

Me: You worked with Dolly Parton, which must've been very cool. What was it like working with her? She might be on the Phile soon... fingers crossed. 

Linda: I love Dolly. Dolly was like, "Tell me what your ideal situation would be, where do you want to end up?" I want to end up like Dolly Parton. She is amazing, she has so much energy. She has taught me so much because she really lifts people. There's nothing negative coming from her at all. Everything is about uplifting, everybody in the room. Not just the famous people. Everybody. The guy that comes in to change the trash, she'll lift him up. It's extremely inspiring, she's operating on a frequency that is far above most people. Very high frequency. We get along awesome because our work ethic is incredible and we write well together. We wrote six songs in two days. 

Me: So, what was it like working with her? 

Linda: I work with a lot of people, right? I barely can get these kids to sing a whole song in one day. I'm not kidding. They cannot get through one song, to do one thing, to sing one song with one vocal it's been sometimes up to three days. No kidding. Just trying to get a vocal. And so with Dolly, I do all the tracks in L.A. because the deal I was not going to work in Nashville even though I LOVE Nashville, but I didn't want the Nashville artists, the musicians, that sound. So I recorded everything at my house in my studio and I put a band together. I took band members from different band. Anyway, now Dolly is supposed to come and sing. I see her and we have our songs. So she comes in and Dolly sings six songs in one day. Very complex songs, she just comes in one day and sings six songs that we wrote. And I'm going, "Holy fuck." What the hell? They were all great, all keepers. Not a flaw. She'd stop and say, "I could do that better, you tell me what you think but I feel I could do that better." I'm like, "You did it great like five takes ago." The work ethic today is very alarming to me because I don't see the kids putting in the time and the focus that needs to happen in their careers. When I have someone who is 70 something that Dolly is and blowing through six songs in one day, I would step it up, man. I would step it up severely. 

Me: You redid "Jolene" with Dolly. What made you do it different with an orchestra? 

Linda: I love that version not because I think it's absolutely brilliant. When they wanted to put "Jolene" on the album there was a remix, they wanted to put that on the album. I'm like, "You're not putting that bad remix on the perfect album, it's not going to happen." So I said, "Hold up." I made a phone call and called my string guy and said, "I need to do a 16-piece version of 'Jolene' right now." So I go meet with him, we dial it in and I tell Dolly, "How about we redo 'Jolene' and we do it all strings like 'Eleanor Rigby.'" She said, "Oh, I can do that. That's interesting." She's always open minded. It literally happened in two days, we got the arrangement, go to Blackbird and it's kids. I never go with the norm so I got kids, in their early 20s, they are like whatever they are with Dolly Parton, they are in Blackbird and I said, "You should go in there prior." She wasn't going to sing with them, she was going to sing in another booth after. Earlier I had put a microphone in there with them because my dream was she'd sing with them. So I take her in there, I'm egging this on a little bit, I take her in there and they're introducing. She said, "Oh my God, where do you want me to sing?" I said, "I have you over there but it'll be great if you're in the room." She said, "Well, I cannot be in the room and not sing with them." I had a camera there and I said, "Roll." That version is one take. That perfect, perfect vocal is one take with Dolly singing live with the strings. 

Me: Wow. How did you feel? 

Linda: I cried. I got chills. Everybody in the studio freaked out. It was like they saw something happen that's historical. 

Me: So, I have to mention "What's Up" which is a pretty big song on TikTok. What's up with the story of that song? 

Linda: Originally the producer, David Tickle, he had a marching drum solo in it, he asked me to change the lyrics because he didn't understand why I was repeating, "and I try," be put a solo in there. At the end I went to Interscope and said, "I cannot stand it, this is not the song I wrote." They were like, "Can't you just be happy, Linda? It sounds great to us. Can't you just be an artist?" Then I said, "Actually, no, I can't." And then I grabbed the band, we had one reel of tape, we had no more money, no more budget, they weren't going to give us a dime. We went back to San Francisco, went back to the Plant and said, "Can we come in? Can you give us a day? We have a reel of tape." We go in there, they give us an engineer, I don't know anything about production but I know what I don't like. So, I sat in there with the engineer and we start dialing in sounds together. I started moving microphones around unit the drums sounded right, acoustics, guitar, everything and then we started recording the song. What's funny and great about it on tape we only have three options... so we had to be sure when we were going over a take that that wasn't going to be the master takes. We were rolling over takes. Then we get our take, do our shot, then David Tickle walks in at the end of it while we were getting our last take and I was so annoyed. I didn't realize we had to mix and make mastering the next day. So he came to get there so we could mix the song and make mastering. So basically that's what happened, we worked all night, got the song mixed and done and it made the mastering date. Then when I asked for production everybody said, "Can't you just be happy that you saved the day and you're an artist that wrote the song and saved it?" 

Me: And became the biggest song in the world for a little while, right? 

Linda: Yes, and that version is really my first production. That's my version that's all over the world.

Me: You wrote Pink's "Get This Party Started," What's the story behind that song? 

Linda: I was a total analogue snob and when I moved to Los Angeles I had this really great studio in San Francisco that was all analogue and when I moved to L.A. I was like, "What is this sound that's on the radio?" I asked a friend of mine, "Tell me what this sound is in 2002." He said, "Oh, it's a Tritan keyboard, Roland expansion..." 

Me: You did what you told me in the beginning, you wanted to know what is going on right now, am I right? 

Linda: Yeah. Exactly. I get all this gear and I hook it up and I'm just playing with it going this is fun, blah blah blah blah. Like literally 30 minutes later I had that song. Mind you, I didn't have Pro-Tools, I was still go tape, so that loop I played down for three and half minutes, I played bass for three and a half minutes, it was all live, I played all the samples live. So then I just grabbed a bullet microphone which is a harmonica microphone and said I'm going to think of every fucking cliche I I can think of. I laughed and played it to my manager on the phone and she said, "What's that?" I said, "I think I just wrote a dance hit." Then literally a week later I met Pink and played it to her and she said she loved it and L.A. Reid said, "That's her first single." 

Me: Was it surprising to you that you were writing Top 40 pop hits? 

Linda: No. What was interesting was it was so me. I went to Interscope Records and told them I would never write a pop hit for them ever again, so they better just let me go. I was being captive. They just wanted me to do that over and over and I said I wasn't going to do that so either I was going to commit suicide and it was going to be their fault and I was going to leave a letter saying it was their fault or they can get let me go. Even if "What's Up Part 2" was in my pocket I would never give it to them. So finally they let me go and it was so funny that the first thing I started doing was writing pop hits. LOL. 

Me: You wrote "Beautiful" for Christina Aguilera. I love that song, especially Elvis Costello's version. What's the story about that song? 

Linda: Well, I wrote that song thinking I was going back to being an artist because I "disappeared." So I was thinking all right, I'll go do that again. So I wrote this song and when I write everything comes together. The melody and the lyrics, so when I got to that chorus and it was "I am beautiful no matter what..." I stopped dead and thought I don't think I'm beautiful. It had a very crazy emotional affect on me. Then I realized I DON'T think I'm beautiful, I'm trying to tell myself that, I need to realize that people can't make me feel bad for what I look like. That's where it kind of came from, it was going to be my song, it was going to be my hit then Christina I played to for her because she wanted to break the ice. I played it to her, that song and she said, "I want that song." I said, "Tell you what, let me hear you sing it because you are beautiful, there's no way you relate to this song." Then when I heard her sing it she literally was at the top off the song and to her friend she whispered, "Don't look at me." I knew I was going to keep that at the top of the song which I did and I knew she felt as vulnerable and insecure as I did. It made sense. 

Me: So, I love buying albums on vinyl but nowadays it's all about the single. What do you think of that? 

Linda: I believe in the album. I own a vinyl pressing plant so I actually press vinyl, I believe in the power of the album. I do believe it's coming back and I want to make one little statement. The way I write I don't have a bunch of songs coming out all the time. I just do what I do but lately my phone has been ringing off the hook. And I know that means something because I said I'm not going to write what people want, when people want songs again they'll call me. And lately everybody's been calling me. 

Me: Does that mean you're hopeful? 

Linda: I'm super hopeful, yeah. I love music, I love the industry, how fucking crazy as it is and how negative it can be I find it very thriving always because there's so much I could do. There's so many ways to step in and make a difference. 

Me: Not just the industry, are you hopeful about music? 

Linda: I am. I'm hopeful what I'm doing, I'm hopeful about what we're talking about. I'm hopeful about a lot of my friends. I'm hopeful what I'm seeing in kids right now. I'm hopeful for the energy of the world as crazy as that is. It feels very right on. Very spot on right now where we are. 

Me: This has been a cool interview, Linda. Thanks so much. 

Linda: You're welcome. You're a good guy. Very sincere and I get why you're popular. 

Me: Ha. Everybody rolls their eyes. Thanks, Linda.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Linda for a cool interview. The Phile will be back Monday with musician Kaia Kater. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Kiss your brain. 

Give me some rope, tie me to dream, give me the hope to run out of steam, somebody said it could be here. We could be roped up, tied up, dead in a year. I can't count the reasons I should stay. One by one they all just fade away...