Pheaturing Kerry Washington

Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Tuesday. How are you? Should we maybe try putting 2020 in rice? If 2020 was a drink, what would it be? A colonoscopy prep.
Former Richardson, Texas mayor Laura Jordan (also known as Laura Maczka, more on that in a bit) is potentially facing another trial for multiple counts of honest services wire fraud, conspiracy, and bribery concerning a local government receiving federal funds after her initial conviction for those charges was overturned due to circumstances as bizarre as the case itself. Jordan a.k.a. Maczka, was the mayor of Richardson, a North Texas suburb between Dallas and McKinney, from 2013 to 2015. Then known only as Jordan Maczka, she ran for mayor partly on the platform that she would oppose a multi-purpose urban development known as the Palisades Project, which was being helmed by real-estate developer Mark Jordan. (Jordan.) So long story short Mark Jordan was allegedly willing to do a whole lot to get his project done, including bribing the mayor with vacations, cash, free home renovations, a six-figure job after she left office, and some good, federally criminal lovin’. Maczka was married when all of this was low stakes bribery was going down, including her affair with Jordan. That marriage ended in divorce in 2015. In 2017, the now-former Richardson mayor married Mark Jordan, hence her name change from Laura Maczka to Laura Jordan. The Feds, however, don’t believe her name change, or her new marriage is legit. They think she and Mark Jordan married as a ruse to help make their boning bribes, along with everything else, look more legitimate. The Jordans were convicted for their crimes but later acquitted because a juror in the trial admitted that they were influenced to vote guilty after speaking about the trial to a courtroom bailiff. Prior to that conversation they had been on the fence, and leaning toward acquit. The Feds haven’t said yet if they will try the case again, but it is likely considering the seriousness of the charges and the fact that it was through no fault of their own that the first case was overturned. That poor first husband of Laura Jordan. Just sitting around the house, confused and asking, “Wait, honey, how are we paying for these renovations?” “Definitely not with the sanctity of our marriage, sweetie!” Imagine going to jail over something as low-stakes as a North Texas apartment complex.
A Maryland boy called 911 to report that he, along with six other children, had been left in a hot car with the windows rolled up and the motor not running. According to the Charles County Sheriff’s Office, seven children were found, ranging from ages 2 to 4-years-old. The 4-year-old reportedly told authorities that the children were hot and didn’t know exactly where they were. The 911 dispatcher was able to trace the call to a shopping center parking lot in Waldorf, which is 25 miles south of Washington D.C. When authorities arrived, officers said the children were scared and sweating, as temperatures in the area reached up to 80 that day. The driver allegedly arrived back to her car 10 minutes after deputies arrived, having already been gone for roughly 20 minutes. The driver, a 37-year-old mother of two, was babysitting the five other children inside the car. She was charged with confinement of children inside a motor vehicle and might face other additional charges after authorities complete the investigation. It is against the law to leave a child under the age of 8 unattended inside a vehicle if the caregiver is out of sight of the child, unless a reliable person who is at least 13-year old remains with the child. It is also illegal to leave any pet unattended in a motor vehicle in hard weather conditions. Under Maryland state law, the penalty for leaving children unattended is as much as $500 in fines, 30 days in jail, or both. It’s important to note that cars transform into “ovens” when direct sunlight heats objects inside. Depending on the temperature, it can soar to 120 or 130 degrees, even when the temperature is only at 80. The body’s natural cooling method, such as sweating, start to shut down once the core body temperature reaches 104. One is at risk of death when the body hits 107 degrees. According to HealthyChildren.org, heat stroke is the leading cause of non-crash vehicle-related car deaths in children under 15. Heat strokes can occur even when the outside temperature is as low as 57 degrees. Authorities are urging if you see an unattended child in a car and are considered, to immediately call 911. If the child is not responsive, get the child out of the car and spray the child with cool water. If the child is responsive you should stay with the child until help arrives and have someone search for the driver or ask for the store to call them.
It’s safe to say it’s been quite a few challenging weeks, to say the least. There’s so much bad happening that a lot of people don’t really know what to do to help. Some of us are overwhelmed, some of us scared, and some of us are out doing what we can to make a difference. Like Kamryn Johnson, a 9-year-old girl from Minneapolis. Johnson, despite only being nine, is helping people in need during the coronavirus pandemic, as well as helping businesses that were affected by looting and destructive riots, one friendship bracelet at a time. Yes, the girl basically began selling colorful homemade bracelets around her neighborhood to raise money for those in need. Johnson came up with the idea with her friends and decided to set up a shop in her neighborhood full of colorful signs and a simple foldable table. Not only has it been a fun way to raise money, more than $42,000 to be exact, but it has also given her and her family the opportunity to create a conversation about what is hell is happening in the world. According to Kamryn’s father, Ron Johnson, “In a neighborhood where no one looks like her… to see everyone come together and say differences don’t mean we can’t be friends, it just means we’re different.” Kamryn’s mother, Shani Johnson, stated the family is now having open conversations with several people around their neighborhood for the first time thanks to the bracelet drive, and are going “deep right away into the issues happening in the world right now.” A special conversation that Shani remembers is one she had with a man who drove more than 30 minutes away, telling her how sorry he was after George Floyd’s death. Shani noted how the men started crying and kept repeating how sorry he was. She noted, “Not only are we getting to have these conversations that we normally wouldn’t want to have, people are willing to do differently to act differently so this world can be changed.” If you would like to donate to Kamryn’s cause, you can visit her GoFundMe page at gofundme.com/f/kamryn-amp-friends-bracelets-for-unity-amp-justice?utm_medium=copy_link&utm_source=customer&utm_campaign=p_nacp+share-sheet&rcid=2bb35304fd2b443d8afe74c2dd92fba2 which has currently raised over $13,500. The money will be used to buy food and supplies for the Sanctuary Church Food Drive, the Kyle Rudolph Food/Supply Drive for Minneapolis, and will help supply funds to rebuild the businesses affected in the riots. You know this little girl is going places!
Crochet shorts for men exists, peeps, and to be honest, I am not for it. Etsy shop LordvonSchmitt (heck of a name) is selling these handmade shorts, which come in a variety of colors and pretty much any style in existence.

The new fashion shorts, which are produced 100 percent in the U.S., are made from recycled vintage afghan blankets, assuring each pair is a “unique, inspired creation.” According to the Etsy site, the description states the crochet shorts are “stretchy and comfortable, warm yet breathable, eye-catching and vivid.” In the words of one satisfied customer, “they might be the best thing we ever owned!!.” Because apparently everyone loves to wear crochet shorts. Perfect for morning yoga or Sunday brunch. Prices on the sorts vary based on their style but can go as low as 70 dollars and as high at 150 dollars. And in case you were wondering if people actually buy these crocheted shorts, you should see the reviews on the website. It’s ridiculous how many people have commented that they love their pair. The shop, which is run by owner Schuyler Ellers, has a 5-star rating and nearly 2,000 sales… so maybe, just maybe, this is the new trend? I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised. I’ve seen way, way worse! The store also sells all kinds of crochet patterns items such as umbrellas, hoodies, overalls, crochet pants, and bodysuits. But between you and me, a crochet bodysuit seems highly uncomfortable. I’d pee my pants before ever trying to get it off. And in case you were wondering, yes, the store does take custom orders to please your fashion needs. All you have to do is message Ellers what kind of color scheme you like and know your waist size… just to make sure you don’t end up with crochet booty shorts. I don’t know... some of these fashion trends are getting a little bit out of hand, kids. Men’s fashion is way more complicated. You need to tone it down and just give us some regular shorts. No, not Jorts, shorts. But, if you’re into these sort of fashion trends, then I guess I’ll support you. Who am I to tell you what to wear, right?
Trump went across to St. John's again. Wonder what he held up this time?

Oh, yeah, he wants to go and play golf. Man, some celebrities are so tone-deaf when it comes to the George Floyd protests. Whoever Marina of Marina and the Diamonds is she offended both mentally ill people and cops.

Large crowds all over the world have gathered to protest police brutality and stand with Black Lives Matter. People are standing up for the safety and dignity of black people whether or not its popular in their town. Anti-racist demonstrators are hosting their own protests in small towns and cities. While they may be the only people standing, they're not standing alone. Like this guy in Ocean Shores, Washington...

Hey, Father's Day is around the corner so if you're looking for a perfect card to give your dad how about this one?

So, remember the Care Bears? Well, there's a whole new group of Bears now...

Bring out the merchandise, I'll buy it. Now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...

Top Phive Phacts People Learned When They Were "Today Years Old"
5. I was today years old when I discovered the green and brown M&Ms are lesbians.
4. I was today years old when I learned Lion King is the plot of Hamlet and I'll never be the same.
3. I am embarrassed to admit I was today years old when I discovered there is no “s” at the end of the first syllable of the word: "lackadaisical." I have been spelling (and pronouncing it) wrong my whole life.
2. I was today years old when I realized "American Gothic" depicts a farmer and his daughter, not his wife.
And the number one phact someone learned when they were "today years old" is...
1. I was today years old when I learned that a manger is a box animals eat out of.

Okay, you know I live in Florida, right? Well, things happen in this state that happen no where else in the world... or universe.

A Florida man got more than he expected after he decided to steal drugs from a Pinellas County home which he thought were powerful opioids. Turns out, the man stole laxatives! According to an arrest affidavit, 56-year-old Peter Hans Emery Jr. mistakenly stole “gentle laxatives” believing they were opioids, namely hydrocodone, a powerful narcotic. He eventually threw the pill bottle he stole when he realized they were “something else.” The pill bottle in question, which was labeled hydrocodone-acetaminophen, actually contained "Equate Gentle Laxatives" from Walmart that are meant for “gentle dependable overnight relief.” Not the type of relief he necessarily wanted, but surely enough, a relief nonetheless. Hahahaha that was probably a shitty experience. Karma. The Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office was able to catch Emery after obtaining surveillance video that showed Emery breaking into the victim’s lock box at a residence on Lake Allen Drive in Pinellas Park. Emery was seen putting the “opioids” into his hands. He then left the residence with the medication. Emery, who reportedly has prior theft convictions, admitted to police that he didn’t have permission to take the pills. I’m guessing he probably figured he should just relieve himself of anymore trouble, instead of making his situation even more difficult after failing so miserably. He retrieved a couple of opioid pills from his trash to show officers to prove his point. Now, the 56-year-old faces several probation violation charges including a felony charge of petit theft. Talk about being a shitty situation, huh? The question here is, if the opioids weren’t in the prescribed bottle, then where are they? Did someone else already steal them and replace them with laxatives? Is this some sort of vigilante plot against the national crisis that is the ongoing opioid epidemic? So many questions here, like what kind of home is this anyways, and who’s home is this? How wild!

If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. It's pretty easy.

This guy who thinks wanting to survive and protect the elderly and immuno-compromised makes you a "twat."

I’m just trying not to catch a virus but okay... All right, let's see what is going on live in Port Jeff, shall we?

You can't really see it here but some kind of drivable lawn mower is cutting the grass.

Now that cellphones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again.

The 128th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Isla Fisher will be on the Phile sometime next week, depends on what my work schedule will be.

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello. Mrs. Sanders, please." "Speaking." "Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good." "What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously. "Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which." "That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Sanders. "Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time." "Well, what am I supposed to do now?" "The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

Today's guest is an American actress, producer, and director. She gained wide public recognition for starring as Olivia Pope, a crisis management expert, in the ABC drama series "Scandal." Her latest film, American Son, is available now on Netflix. Please welcome to the Phile... Kerry Washington.

Me: Hello, Kerry, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Kerry: Thank you. Thanks for having me. I'm relaxed.

Me: So, you re mostly known from the TV show "Scandal." When that show ended how did you feel and what did you do?

Kerry: I was actually lucky to do a play on Broadway 10 years ago called Race. It's a David Mamet play and I got to originate that role. I worked with a really prolific producer named Jeff Richards and he read on the Internet that is was going to be the final season of "Scandal" and so he called me and said, "Its time you came back to Broadway, I'm going to send you three scripts." I said no, after seven seasons of "Scandal" I'm going to take a nap. I'm not going to do the hardest thing I could do as an actor performing live on Broadway eight times a week.

Me: You think that's the hardest thing?

Kerry: I think it is. I guess hard is relative, I'm not doing my own stunts like Tom Cruise but it's a different kind of hard. And it requires a different kind of level of... commitment.

Me: So, when you got this new script what did you think?

Kerry: I read it and I was up late and memorizing one of those two page "Scandal" monologues and I thought I would just read the first ten pages of this play. I can check it off the list I promised myself I would do for the end of the day and I couldn't put it down.

Me: So, you are in a new Netflix movie called American Son which was the play that you did on Broadway. Who do you play, Kerry?

Kerry: I play Kendra, one half of an estranged interracial couple, whose son Jamal has been involved in an incident with the police. The two parents come together in a desperate search for answers.

Me: What was it that attracted you to this story in particular? The timing couldn't be anymore timely.

Kerry: I guess there are a lot of stuff in the play and now the television event that was surprising to me. I was faced with my own... assumptions? Unconscious bias and I thought that was really interesting. But also I know "Kendra's," I've been "Kendra" different times in my life. I felt that I understood Kendra, and yet I've never seen her on the screen before.

Me: What do you mean you've been "Kendra" different times in your life?

Kerry: I think we meet Kendra at a really interesting time in her life. She has spent many, many years sweeping shit under the rug. I think she spends a lot of time trying to believe that she's safe in her life. That being married to this white man and living in the community she's living, and having this advance degrees that she has can make her immune to some of the realities of being a black woman and a parent of a black child. I think we meet her at a moment she can no longer pretend. He decided it's time to pull all that out from under her rug and deal with it and be who she is and the kind of mom her son needs her to be. I think I had times in my life where I tried to sweep stuff under the rug and ignore reality for my own comfort. It always catches up to me and I have to deal with stuff. The only way out in life is through.

Me: How is she different from Olivia Pope, the character you played in "Scandal"?

Kerry: I think in many ways she was like the "un-Olivia Pope." If I could swing the pendulum in the opposite direction what I had spent seven years doing on television it was Kendra. She was not the more powerful person in the room. She actually spends 90 minutes desperately trying to have some sense of urgency in the world. She is a professor who is not world famous and she doesn't dress in fancy clothes, doesn't walk in high heels by Prada. Also Olivia Pope never became a mom by choice and I think one of the fundamental exploration that Kendra is on is this moment is what kind of mother is she and what kind of mother can she be. So it felt like a great opportunity for me to add some more tools to my tool box and explore some themes and issues that I have been unable to in the seven years I was on "Scandal."

Me: I have to admit I never seen "Scandal," Kerry. Being the character is so different in the play than the character you played for seven years was it hard to wrap your mind around that?

Kerry: Honestly going into it I didn't know. I knew that it was the task at hand but I wasn't sure how I was going to accomplish it. So its definitely the most challenging project I've taken on as an actor to have to go to that place eight times a week.

Me: When you played Kendra on stage how did you handle that kinda emotion night after night? 

Kerry: It cost me a great deal I guess with emotional energy but also it taught me a lot about all of the opposite emotions as well.

Me: How so?

Kerry: Because I really learnt to create some boundaries between Kendra and myself. When I was in that theater or at that sound stage she got 99.9% of me. There's always that .1% in case my kids call or there's an emergency or something. I have a little bit of an antenna in the real world. But she got most of me. When I was not in that theater or on that soundstage I got to be in the beautiful life that I have. And a lot of things that Kendra has was grappling with was places I was able to find a lot of joy in my personal life.

Me: So, being an actual mom does the role hit you differently?

Kerry: Yeah, it does. I think those moments of going home and peeking on the door making sure everything's okay it just has put resonance at the end of the night. My daughter was actually in a phase of asking "will you check on me when you get home?" Sometimes I wanted to say, "You have no idea. I am checking on you like nobody's business." Right now it is my everything to make sure that they are okay.

Me: Do you get anxieties about being a woman of color with children of color in the United States? If that's a stupid question we will move on.

Kerry: Yeah, I think a lot of parents, any parent understands the level of powerlessness that defines parenthood. At some point this little creature, there are some ways to become a mother, but two out of three kids at some point that child was inside me and I could control what they heard and what they ate and their existence. But once they're out of the "building," once they're walking in the world it's an exercise of relinquishing power and knowing that person is on the path of individuating and thinking who they are in their world, And I am there creating some containers and hopefully help them doing in ways without hitting themselves too much. But it is an act of exercise in powerlessness. So I think any parent understands that. How that is complicated and made even more challenging when that child out in the world is not just up against all of life's dangers and challenges but institution with real structured practices that are invested in the demonization of my child it is vastly more terrifying.

Me: Hmmm. So, I read there was some kinda "guide" handed out at the play as well as the "Playbill." What was that?

Kerry: Yeah, a guide was handed out, not like a program so the audience can decide what is going on but methods which they could talk about this afterwards. It was a discussion guide.

Me: Did you ever meet anybody who used the guide?

Kerry: Yeah, lots pf people. 

Me: So, did you think it was important to have some kinda guide?

Kerry: Yeah, not only in the lobby but in the "Playbill" because I thought at the end of the piece people are really blown away. I could hear the audible struggle that the audiences were having to wrap their heads around the end of the piece. I thought people are stumbling out of the theater, this thing has to be in the "Playbills." When they get home they're thinking "wait, who wrote this thing? Where do I know that actor from?" when they open that "Playbill" it's there for them as a resource. We worked with an incredible organization called the Opportunity Agenda, they put those discussion points together and they actually helped to curate, talkbacks that we had with the audience on all of these issues.

Me: Were you there for those?

Kerry: I was.

Me: Did you yourself learn anything new?

Kerry: A lot of ways the film is really an opportunity to see many, many private conversations that we don't have in public spaces to see them in the light of day. I think we're having a hard time in this country and society culture thinking how to talk about these issues. I think of you watch these very four different characters with very different points of view they sit in rooms together and they speak truth and we listen. I don't think we often listen to the extent we need to in the culture today. We go to the places to hear the news which makes us feel safest and we only follow people on Twitter and social media that message things that make us feel right and we don't often put ourselves in places where we're confronted with ideologies that challenge our own and that's happening a lot with the play. And we as audience members get to have this experience finding common threads in places we didn't know we would. Experiencing compassion and empathy in places we didn't know we would and I think that's so important. I watched that happening with audiences, I watched with the talkbacks in these discussion groups people were really honest about their own experience and asking how they could be part of the solution and just not part of the problem. I think the writer, Christopher Demos-Brown does this beautiful thing by making sure Jamal is half black and half white. He takes an issue that's thought of belonging to just the black community. People say "that's just the kind of thing that only happens in the black community. It's only a certain kind of kids that get into that kind of trouble." But what Christopher does it makes us realize that because Jamal belongs to all of us this is actually all of our problem. This is not an isolated difficulty that just black people should be shouldering. This is something that impacts all of our children and all of our lives. And we all feel the stress for Jamal because we feel like he's ours. We need to feel like that about all of the kids in this country and kids all over the world. Kids that don't have clean water in Flint, to the kids that are on reservations that don't have access to healthcare, clean water as well. The kids in the inner city, the kids in the rural south, who don't have healthcare, the kids who are at the border right now. Until we're able to think about these human children as being all of our responsibility I don't think we're going to be doing our job as citizens of the world.

Me: I said I never saw you in "Scandal" but I did see you in Ray and Django Unchained. Anyway, when you were Olivia Pope that show was huge. When did you realize how popular of a show it was?

Kerry: I think it was when I started hearing pop culture references about "Scandal" and about Olivia Pope. It wasn't because I was in the room but it was Ellen and Oprah and Rihanna and people on their own were referencing the show with such adoration. We were really in a vacuum just trying to make this show. There was a lot said in the first season how their never been a network drama with a black woman in the lead in almost 40 years. So in my lifetime I've never seen a black woman as a lead in network drama. I knew if we didn't do our best to make a quality show another black woman may not have a chance to do it for another 40 years. 

Me: Were you under a lot of pressure because of that?

Kerry: Yeah, I guess so. But I understood that was the reality. Everybody around us, the network and the studio was talking about what a risk it was to do a show with a black woman. Of course it allowed for "How To Get Away With Murder" and "Black-ish." But until that happened we were just opening in a vacuum just to kind of make a really great show that we could be proud of. Also not knowing if anybody would watch because I assumed it must be a risk because people aren't going to tune in. Of course the opposite was true. Audiences were so hungry where we live in a world now where we know our protagonist do not just look one way, every person of side and color and shape and size deserves to be the hero of their own story and the center of their heroes adventure. So people were hungry for it and excited about it and incredibly supportive but we didn't know that until made it and got to see it land in the world.

Me: That's cool. Kerry, thanks so much for being on the Phile. Please come back again soon. Take care.

Kerry: Thank you, Jason.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Kerry Washington for a great interview. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Nancy Cartwright from "The Simpsons." Spread the word, not the turd... or the virus, or hatred. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Mask to or casket. Bye, love you, bye.

I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon