Hey there, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. How are you? Let's start with a story from one of my favorite food places... Starbucks. It's not uncommon for businesses to ask homeless people to leave, but that doesn't make it okay. People on Twitter decided to take a stand in defense of a homeless man after a video of a Starbucks barista kicking him out went viral. The video was filmed by a customer named Sajid Kahloon, who was at a Starbucks in Essex, England, when he saw a man eating leftover food left out by customers. So he offered to buy the man a sandwich and chocolate cake. As they sat outside eating together, a barista came out and asked the homeless man to leave. "You can't just ask him to leave," Kahloon told the barista, in a video shared on Facebook by local news outlet Your Southend. "Let him eat the food and he can leave. What's the problem? Is he not human?" The barista responded by saying the man "can't stay here. He comes here all the time... He's going to come back." The video went viral, wracking up thousands of comments and sparking a debate over whether homeless people should be permitted to occupy a Starbucks. Some defended the barista's right to kick him out. Others defended the homeless man's human right to be there, and praised Kahloon for helping him out. The video also caused a stir on Twitter, where some people are calling for a boycott of the popular coffee chain. A spokesperson for Starbucks has apologized, saying the interaction in the video was "not indicative" of the company's ethos and that they would be taking "appropriate action." They released this statement, "We want every customer to have a positive experience, and we apologize that we did not meet that expectation in this instance. The interaction on video is not indicative of the environment we strive to create. We are looking into the circumstances surrounding this customer’s experience and will take appropriate action to ensure that our stores remain welcoming places for everyone."
Adults continue to be so incredibly weird about 16-year-old climate activist Greta Thunberg, and love looking for reasons to discredit her activism as much as they love fossil fuels. Literal felon Dinesh D'Souza tried to smear her as a Nazi because she wears her hair in braids. Fox News had to apologize after a pundit called her "mentally ill." Now this guy is saying that Thunberg's condemnations of corporate greed don't count, because the teen never officially had a job.
At the United Nations Climate Summit, Thunberg delivered her now-famous speech to world leaders, saying, "We are in the beginning of a mass extinction and all you can talk about is money and fairy tales of eternal economic growth. How dare you?" Weeks later, journalist Tom Harwood is still pissed, and decided to stand up for the poor, powerless world leaders, and tell Greta, "how dare you?" Harwood thinks that Thunberg should not be taken seriously because she has yet to have a paying job. He also interprets her crusade to save the planet as screwing "people's livelihoods," because won't somebody think of the oil executives? People think Harwood should not be taking seriously for such an opinion. Even members of British Parliament are calling bullshit on this hot take. What does Tom Harwood expect of children? Her work might be unpaid, but it certainly is work.
This is definitely the most adorable depiction of the stress of being a working parent. Remember when an adorable toddler confidently danced into the room during a BBC Skype interview with Professor Robert Kelly about the impact of the impeachment of South Korean president Park Geun-hye? Shortly after, a second child wheeled in the room and hilarity ensued. Now, a second video of a child interrupting the news has gone viral, except this time the victim of toddler curiosity is a mom. Watching a parent struggle to stay professional at their job while one of their kids is gleefully ruining the moment is certainly hilarious, but it's also a reminder of how hard most parents work to juggle everything in their lives. In the BBC video, Professor Kelly's wife was able to quickly save the day, even ducking out of the room with two screaming kids like a ninja. This time, MSNBC correspondent Courtney Kube was discussing Turkish airstrikes when her son wanted to share the spotlight. Here's a screenshot from it...
Hahahaha. Kube wrote the moment off to "live television" and remained composed throughout. Later, MSNBC tweeted the moment out themselves to celebrate working moms and to share the laugh. Of course, the Internet was in love.
When Hailey Bieber posted on her Instagram story asking for Halloween costume ideas, a devout Christian and/or troll questioned her religious beliefs. "Spooky [season] is upon us and I need good ideas for Halloween!!! Send some my way," the newlywed model wrote. Rather than write in things like "sexy mouse" or "sexy Ruth Bader Ginsburg," someone wrote, "Aren't u a Christian?" Many Christians... or at least all 189 Duggars... don't wear costumes on October 31st, because "spooky" is another word for "Satanic." Hailey Bieber isn't one of them. Bieber affirmed that yes, she is Christian, and yes, she still celebrates Halloween. Another commenter also called her a "Fake Christian." She responded by saying that she plans on breeding even more so-called "Fake Christians" with her husband Justin (heard of him?). She posed the question to fans after sharing some of her skimpy costumes from Halloweens past, and nobody called her a Fake Christian for the overt, un-modest displays of sexuality. Brave of the Biebers to come out and say that Christians can be underwear models, too!! Congratulations to all the hot Christians on finally feeling seen!!!
Speaking of a Bieber... What were your plans today? Better scrap them, because you have a new priority: gawking at photos of Justin Bieber falling off a unicycle. Ol' Biebs took a tumble and it's the only thing that matters. Before gazing upon these photographs, I had enriching relationships with my friends and family and hobbies that kept me busy. Now, I have nothing but the image of Hailey Baldwin's husband falling from a one-wheeled bike. Somehow, I'm more fulfilled than ever. Look at this to see if Scooter Braun's protégé eating shit on pavement changes your life.
Happy Monday!
You might think I don't like Bieber, but I do... he's a Foghat fan.
Instead of doing this blog thing I should be listening to this record...
What the hell? I have no idea what to say. Moving on... If I had a TARDIS I would like to go and meet Jayne Mansfield but knowing my luck she'd be having a deep conversation with Sophia Loren and would just ignore me.
Look at that cleavage though. Haha. A few weeks ago at the Global Climate Strike there were some signs that gave us hope for the future...
There were some snarky ones as well...
So, I heard they added Trump to Mount Rushmore. I didn't believe it until I saw this...
Hahaha. That's so stupid. That's as stupid as...
Halloween is a few weeks away and by now I'm guessing you're going to the pumpkin patch to buy a pumpkin and will turn it into something scary. How about this for an idea?
That's for all you office people. And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York here's...
5. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because men hate to ask for directions. 4. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote.
3. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would therefore need Eve to get one for him.
2. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment for himself.
And the number one reason God created Eve is...
1. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage night.
If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. So, you know I live in Florida, right? By the way, today is my 32nd anniversary of moving to Florida from England! Anyway, there's some strange huff that comes out of Florida that comes out of nowhere else in the Universe. So, here once again is...
Oh say can you see, a brand that knows the law as it pertains to the display of the American flag? Jacksonville, Florida was recently blessed with a new IKEA store, giving its residents access to meatballs and massive fights with their significant others as they attempt to follow Swedish assembly instructions. One Florida Man (or Florida Woman) was salty to see the new store fly IKEA's native Swedish flag right next to the American flag in the parking lot, insisting that "the American flag is supposed to be flown higher than any other countries [sic] flag here." The person wasn't just wrong in saying "countries" instead of "country's": their whole thesis was incorrect, and IKEA let them know it.
The brand's social media person responded with a quote from the US Code, humiliating the self-righteous 'Murrica person with facts. Everyone who loves the stars and stripes knows Title 4, United States Code, Chapter 1, Section 7 of the United States Code, which writes, "When flags of two or more nations are displayed, they are to be flown from separate staffs of the same height." It's a good lesson: check the U.S. code before you wreck the U.S. code. Do not get into an argument with IKEA about how to assemble stuff.
Learn how to look, my dude.
Parasites
What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
I've always wanted to be able to hear English and not understand it.
Boom. Okay, wanna laugh?
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The man said, "Look, I'm a Software Engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
Today's guest is an American novelist and screenwriter. He achieved critical and popular acclaim after the international success of The World According to Garp in 1978, which happens to be the 106th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club. Last year the book turned 40 years old! I wish I still had my copy. Anyway, please welcome to the Phile... John Irving.
Me: Hello, sir, welcome to the Phile. How are you?
John: I'm fine, thank you.
Me: So, first of... what's that tattoo on your arm?
John: It signifies the starting circle of a wrestling match because I am a wrestler.
Me: Ahhh... so, where are you from originally, John?
John: Exeter, New Hampshire.
Me: Nice. So, last year the 40th anniversary version of the book The World According to Garp came out and you wrote a new introduction to it. You write, "This 40 year old novel isn't out of date but it should be." Why should the book be out of date and why isn't it?
John: Well, it's a novel about sexual hatred. The mother is killed by a man who hates women, her son is killed by a woman who hates men. It was novel I wrote both angrily and comically, I thought, protesting that the women's movement had been stopped, not gone as far as it could have gone, should have gone, sexual liberation so-called had still left us with hatred between the sexes, hatred of sexual difference, intolerance of sexual differences. I even imagined as I was writing this novel more than forty years ago now that it would be out of date before I finished it. It seemed to me that the kind of sexual discrimination I was writing about was truly too backward to last. Well, I was wrong. Things may be better but in many areas of the world, in my birth country United States inclined, women are still treated as if they were sexual minorities. From the sympathy I always felt for women being treated as sexual minorities I recognized that smaller, actual sexual minorities... gay men, lesbian women, transgender men and women were treated even worse.
Me: I agree. So, what do you think about this, sir?
John: I'm... dismayed that sexual intolerance is still tolerated forty years after that I was writing about it. But it is. That's why I say to me it's not entirely good news The World According to Garp is still relevant and why I say it should be a period piece. The novel begins with a woman, Garp's mother, being sexually assaulted in a movie theater and guess what... no one believes her. No one believes that she really was assaulted.
Me: Do you see other parallel's now in 2019 and back when you were writing The World According to Garp?
John: There's certainly no end of hatred or intolerance of the other whoever the other is received to be. I got my poetics from my mother, what passes from my social conscience from her and my first coming from a political point of view was being aware of sexual politics. Of my 14 novels, 15 if you count the one I'm trying to finish, I would estimate by my own count that not more then six or seven of them I would call political or I would describe as novels with a social conscience, or that take a polemical position toward a certain political issue. The issues aren't always sexual, but my other interests in politics began with sexual politics. That's where I kind of got into it.
Me: Does it get you down? Does it make you cynical?
John: Well, I don't know if cynical is the right word. As a storyteller, not only in The World According to Garp, I've always been interested in worst case scenarios. I've always felt comically and not comically that my job is to create characters who the readers emphasize and then make terrible things happen to them.
Me: My grandmother, when I was a kid, gave me a copy of the book when she came from England to the states to visit. I wish I still had that copy. I think the only reason she gave it to me was because Robin Williams was on the cover and she knew I liked the show "Mork and Mindy." Anyway, when you were writing the book was it challenging for you to write the book?
John: Yes, it was. It was my fourth novel, I had learnt something from the experience of writing the first three. But it was my first novel with a social subject, my first political novel, my first protest novel, as I would describe it. It was written at a time personally of considerable duress. I was a full time wresting coach, I was a full time English teacher, and I had two young children, I was lucky if I got to write as many as two hours a day, not every day of the week. So whatever I think of Garp with hindsight looking back however I'm much depressed by the relevance of the subject matter I'm eternally grateful to it because this is the book that made me a full-time writer. It's the book that eventually enabled me to seven hours a day, eight days a week. It freed me from having to have other jobs. I never imagined at the time of writing it that I would ever be self supporting as a writer. I had no reason to think I would be.
Me: When did you know that was the case?
John: Actually by nature I'm pessimistic. I always doubted it. It was a "book of the month club" selection which was brand new to me. It was my first best seller, and even its appearance as a hard cover on the best seller list seemed dubious to me. When my editor and my friends in publishing and older more knowledgeable people said, "You could quit your job now."
Me: Did you quit working at your other jobs right away?
John: I didn't really believe it. I kept working for another year, I took another job because I thought they don't know what the hell they're talking about. People are not really reading this book. I was terribly disappointed in myself because the next book, the fifth book, The Hotel New Hampshire was the first book I wrote when I did have more time to write. I really could have written four or five or six hours a day, I was coaching full-time but I stopped teaching. And yet I realized I really needed to learn how to do this thing. I had never before concentrated on my writing for more than two hours at a time. I never had more than two hours at a time and I felt deeply disappointed in myself that I just couldn't do it. I worked for there or four hours and I'd get distracted. It wasn't until the next novel after that, The Cider House Rules, my sixth novel I finally learned how to extend my concentration span to an eight hour writing day. I didn't really appreciate what Garp did for me until two books later.
Me: Is it similar to a musician having a complicated relationship with their first big hit?
John: Well, because it was the first book that gave me an audience because it was for a lot of my readers the first book they came to, and because there are about 10 million copies in print I think, I forgot the number, but its actual success has been more overrated. Among my best sellers it's my fourth. It's down the list and it's had a longer head start than the books that are ahead of it. A Prayer for Owen Meany is the most read of my novels, my biggest best seller. The Cider House Rules is the second, A Widow for One Year is third. So these books are later books than Garp, they haven't been as long to be out there in the various languages I am translated into. But the one that changes my life is a big difference, anybody to be full-time at what they do or to do it part time, they'll tell you. I used to complain bitterly when I was writing Garp and those four novels. Ask a doctor or ask a lawyer what kind of practice they would have if they got to see patients for two hours a day, maybe three or four days a week. It's inconceivable.
Me: When you were writing The World According to Garp did you have an idea beforehand what is gonna to happen all in your head?
John: Well, I always knew that Garp and his mother would be killed and I always knew it was an assassination story. I always knew that Roberta, the transgender woman who was formally a tightened for the Philadelphia Eagles, I knew that Roberta would be the most balanced character emotionally and psychologically in the novel. She's the only one who loves Garp and his mother equally.
Me: And this all came to you?
John: This was in the beginning thing. In the world of sexual hatred, the calmest most likable presence is this transgender woman who has not had an easy time. But she was some kind if the moral guidance to the story. He, I knew, would be the principal voice of the epilogue after Garp and Jenny were gone. It was that concept give the role of the peacemaker to the smallest sexual minority in the story.
Me: Were there a lot of transexual characters being written in fiction back in the 70s? I can't imagine there were.
John: No, there weren't. And Roberta was the one who lasted the longest for me. Miss Frost, the transgender librarian in In One Person comes from Roberta. Flor in The Avenue of Mysteries comes from Roberta and Miss Frost. So I haven't created another Garp or another Jenny but I've created a few more Roberta's. She stayed with me.
Me: Why do you think that is?
John: Well, it's always the smallest minority that's picked on the most. And in the world of sexual minorities the trans woman or the trans man is the smallest among them. It's not missed on me for example that in May of 2016 President Obama recognized transgender people by instructing his Department of Education to insist to schools that a students gender identity was their own business. They got to go to the bathrooms of their choice and their gender identity was not defined by the particulars on their birth certificate or their genitalia. That was one of the first decisions that Trump's Education Secretary overturned almost immediately in taking office. In October 2017 Trump's Attorney General, Jeff Sessions ruled that transgender people were not protected from work place discrimination. And the U.S. Department of Heath and Human Services revealed that they were working on a definition of sex defining gender as determined at birth. These people in the Trump administration have an anti-LGBQ agenda across the board but who do they hurt first, the smallest minority within the LGBT group, and that would be the trans community. They wouldn't dare try to get away with that against all gay men and all lesbian women. They're seeing what they can get away with the most smallest and most vulnerable group among them. So it is the smallest most vulnerable that as a writer always interested me in... If you want to see how discriminatory or not, off you want to see how tolerant or not people are look at the smallest minority around and ask yourself how are they treated.
Me: Do you think it's an interesting time to be a writer?
John: It's a challenging time to be an American living.
Me: True. So, I found a review from The New York Times in 1978 that said, "The things in this book opt not to be funny still the way Mr. Irving writes about them they are. We not only laugh at The World According to Garp but we also accept it and love it." Does that review ring true to you?
John: Well, to the extent that any review rings altogether, that's a stretch for me. I have to be careful of the reviews I like because the next thing I know the same reviewer will be hating me for some other reason. I have to be a little cautious. But I certainly understand what the reviewers says and I think it's an accurate description. I will always be interesting as a writer making bad things happen because I think that's the heart of storytelling that that loved, and the 19th century novel that made me want to be a writer in the first place.
Me: What was that?
John: Dickens, Hardy, Melville, Hawthorne, these are not happy people for the most part. Terrible things happen in those stories. I didn't make that up, terrible things happen in Shakespeare, terrible things happened in the Greek classical tragedies. Look at The Oedipus Plays, for Gods sake what could be worse.
Me: Would you say you're funny?
John: The comic gene, wherever it comes from, I think I learned this best from the persona of my old mentor and first reader of my first novel, Kurt Vonnegut who was my teacher at the Iowa workshop. Who was one of the funniest writers alive and was one of the most depressed man I ever knew. Terrible things happened in his novels too. In literature I always felt that there are times the reader, the audience is having right up until the car hits the wall, the more emotionally unprepared they are. I like the idea of telling a story in a way that makes my audience feel this is fun. Until it isn't. Do you know being funny about things that other people think are not funny gets writers in trouble more than writers writing about sex. Two things get writers in trouble most of the time... writing about sex and being funny about things that the people in the world don't think are funny. Witness what happened to Salman Rushdie with The Satanic Verses. He told a joke.
Me: That's a good point. I actually had Salman on the Phile before, and I might have him back soon. So, I read that you're writing an adaption of The World According to Garp for TV. Is that true?
John: I'm developing it with Warner Bros. Television. We'll see who are the distribution partner is.
Me: It was already a film, so do you think TV show would work?
John: It's a better format for a novelist, a limited television series. It's a better format for me, especially for a novel length of The World According to Garp than a feature length film questionably. I'd rather be given 275 minutes than 120 minutes. Two hundred and seventy-five minutes is good, it'll be a five part mini series, which right now is the structure I've given to this limited series. Five episodes, 55 minutes. But every screenplay or teleplay I write I have to recognize it's a crap shoot, there's no insurance that anybody will actually make it. I waited thirteen years to see The Cider House Rules made by the fourth director worked with.
Me: So, what do you think of the movie version of The World According to Garp?
John: Well, I don't dislike it. George Roy Hill was a friend of mine and he asked me to write that screenplay but I knew he did not see in that novel the same movie that I saw. We talked about it and I thought I declined because I knew he wouldn't do it my way we would do it his way and George would've done it his way. He was one of those old-fashioned guys back when directors had more authority than most of them have now. I did a cameo in the film, spent a little time on the set but I kept a certain distance because I had declined to be the screenwriter. When someone asks me first and I say no I don't really have any justification to bitch about the results because I could have been a part of it.
Me: Is there anything you want to make happen in this five part mini series that didn't happen in the original film?
John: Certainly if I have to put my finger on the principal of admission in the 1982 film is the character of Roberta I think is portrayed strictly for laughs, which was in my estimation in hindsight was a shame because John Lithgow could have done Roberta the way I wanted to see Roberta done. I wanted to give Roberta a much bigger part. I felt that was a wasted opportunity but I don't have grounds to complain about the film George asked me to be involved and I said no.
Me: What did you think of Robin Williams playing Garp?
John: He's a good guy, I liked Robin. I would have not cast him as Garp, I thought he was entirely to sweet, nice for the character I had in mind. I'm more on Jenny's side than I am on Garp's in the book. I thought Robin was too sweet for that character. That had ore to do with Steve Tesich's screenplay. Once again they asked me first and I said no.
Me: So, I have to ask you about Kurt Vonnegut, what was he like?
John: He was a great guy. He was very kind and generous to me as a younger writer. I was his student at Iowa but he was always kind to me. A kind of father figure to me. We watched the Six-Day War together as I didn't have a television. I knew him when I lived in New York, he lived not far from where I lived in the city. We saw a lot of each other there. When I lived in the Hamptons he lived a bicycle ride away. So I was fortunate later in our lives to be his friend as well after I've written four or five books. But to have had him as the first reader of my one was a great kindness to me. A great benefit to me, I really loved the guy. In the last years, the later years, he was not happy and not the funniest of people anyway. I would often see him on my front porch waiting for me to get up and make coffee in the morning. One of my kids would always say, "Kurt is here, Kurt is sitting on the step." And I would say, "Let him in." I'd then welcome him inside. One time my son Brendan when Kurt came in I said, "How long have you been here?" He said, "You always say you get up early, you don't get up early at all." Well, it'll be 7 o'clock in the morning and he'd be sitting on the porch having a cigarette. One morning Brendan went out with a cereal bowl and picked up all the butts around where Kurt had been sitting. He came in with about nine butts from that morning. We tried to piece in our minds how early had Kurt been there. We imagined he must of came when it was still dark! He'd be smoking on the porch from about four or five in the morning until the coffee got made. He was a good guy.
Me: He was right, you don't wake up early. Is there any advice you keep from him?
John: Well, sure, it's in one of his novels. He said, "You have to be kind." I buy that. Just a cautionary word for civilization. The opposite instinct to sending 15,000 troops into the Mexican border to ward off women and children. You have to be kind. It's a good principal to follow.
Me: You're working on your 15th novel, sir, anything you want to say about that?
John: It's a ghost story. I'm in the last alf of it. It's called Darkness As a Bride. It'll be published next year, if I had to guess.
Me: That's great. Please come back when the book comes out. It was a pleasure to have you here, sir.
John: Thank you.
That was sooo cool. That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to John Irving for a great interview. The Phile will be back on Thursday with singer B.J. Thomas. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon
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