Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. How are you, kids? Let's start off with a story about Britney Spears, shall we? Britney Spears' fans are peeved once again after the entertainer posted a pic of some $6,000 Louboutins she'd never worn before. Brit-Brit posted a pic on Instagram showing some bedazzled snakeskin pumps by Christian Louboutin, the fancy shoe designer beloved by celebs. Here is the shoe...
The caption reads...
First of all, how did Britney survive as a 21st-century celeb without Louboutins until the very late date of 2015? And second of all, Brit... why have you not worn them?! We all know Britney Spears is rich, but to drop $6,000 on shoes only to have them languish in her closet is a bit much. Fans were facepalming left and right under the photo. People pointed out a lot of good could be done with $6,000... and none of it would involve buying one pair of shoes. Some fans are also perplexed at Britney's choice to flaunt this flagrant spending just days after she came under fire for spending over $66,000 at Target (a move which, conversely, everyone defended because who hasn't accidentally dropped $66,000 at Target). There's also the animal cruelty angle. Because these shoes were so pricey, it's likely they're authentic snakeskin (with gems and flourishes added afterward, obv). And that kind of thing just doesn't fly anymore. Celebs need to bend over backwards to appease the PETA crowd these days, and it turns out Britney's no exception. One or two fans stuck up for Brit, saying she has the right to spend her money however she wants. Man, that was the most boring story I ever talked about here. I apologize. Moving on...
It's hard enough being a kid these days. Between Instagram-induced anxiety, bulletproof backpacks, and the regular ol' kid stuff that has traumatized humans for centuries, the last thing today's children need is another thing to be worried about. Enter the artist formerly known as Weight Watchers (they've recently rebranded as WW), which has just introduced the new app Kurbo, on which kids can count calories on their phone before and after they compare their bodies to others on Instagram. The app is targeted at kids as young as eight, which is extremely messed up. Have eight-year-olds even learned to hate their bodies yet? WW calls Kurbo a “scientifically-proven behavior change program designed to help kids and teens age 8-17 reach a healthier weight," but mental health experts are calling it a disaster. Adolescent mental health advocate Whitney Fisch did not hold back on her Facebook page, where she wrote "You NEED to Shut. This. Down." "Teaching children to track their food intake all the while being indoctrinated into diet culture by one of your untrained 'health coaches' is begging for an eating disorder diagnosis and is wildly inappropriate + disgusting," she explained. People on Twitter, many of them eating disorder survivors and mental health experts, are going off on the app as well. The app does not hold up under the scrutiny of downloading it. There are healthy ways to encourage healthy eating, but according to experts, none of them involve micro-managing and assigning foods according to traffic signals. Kurbo has responded to criticism by saying they have specially trained "Kurbo coaches" tasked with trying to identify eating disorders, which, um, pretty much admits that their app could lead to developing an eating disorder. With backlash this strong, let's see how long the app lasts.
A black man was stopped by police in Royal Oaks, Michigan, after a white woman accused him of "looking suspiciously" at her. Devin Myers, 20, was approached by officers and questioned while he walked to a restaurant, according to the Metro Times. The police were called due to accusations Myers had been "looking suspiciously" at a white woman. Kimiko Adolph stayed with the man to make sure he got out unscathed. She also recorded video of the encounter. The video shows that several police officers and police cars surrounded the man. Many commenters asked why the police weren't interrogating the woman who made the call. Adolph and the Metro Times both reported that the nearby Cafe´Inn Seasons paid for the man's meal after the confrontation was over. Myers can be heard apologizing to the police for wasting their time, even though he was not the one who called them. Many commenters drew parallels between this situation and the murder of Emmett Till. Emmett, who was black, was murdered by an angry mob at age 14 in 1955 after being accused of hitting on a white woman. Historically, black men in the U.S. have been persecuted and murdered when facing such accusations... even when, as in the case of Emmett, they never actually expressed sexual interest in the white women in question.
A Trump official has admitted out loud what we've known all along: that the Trump administration sees European and Latinx immigrants differently. It all started with a new "public charge" immigration requirement that the administration announced last Monday. The public charge requirement states that migrants will only be granted entry to the U.S. if they won't be seeking public funds or resources, like public housing or food stamps. This rule goes into effect October 15th, according to CBS News. Some have pointed out that this new mindset is at odds with the famous poem "The New Colossus," which is inscribed on the Statue of Liberty. The poem... which you may have heard once or twice... includes the lines, "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!" Rachel Martin of NPR pointed this out to Trump's acting head of Citizenship and Immigration Services, Ken Cuccinelli on Tuesday, asking him if he believes these words are "part of the American ethos." His response, "Uh, they certainly are." He then took the liberty (sorry) of remixing the poem and adding a little Republican flavor. "Give me your tired and your poor who can stand on their own two feet and who will not become a public charge." Doesn't quite have the same ring as Emma Lazarus' 1882 version, does it? Later on Tuesday night, things veered into even more blatantly racist territory. Cuccinelli went on CNN and was asked about the poem again. His response was, "Well, of course, that poem was referring back to people coming from Europe where they had class-based societies where people were considered wretched if they weren't in the right class." "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses but only if they're from Europe" is not how the poem goes, pal. Of course, it seems lost on Cuccinelli that "people coming from Europe" and people coming from Latin-American countries are often fleeing the exact same thing, from the 19th century to today: corrupt governments and bad economies. And they're often looking for the same things, too: a shot at a better future. Where they're coming from has no real effect on that... unless you're a white supremacist. Beto O'Rourke said it succinctly in a tweet, writing, "This administration finally admitted what we’ve known all along: They think the Statue of Liberty only applies to white people."
The Associated Press reports that a 32-year-old German man was ensnared in a literal sting operation when he jumped off a balcony to avoid being captured by police and landed straight onto a pile of wasps. In what sounds straight out of a slapstick silent film, the fugitive was attacked by the insects, and as cops tried to apprehend him, they were attacked by wasps as well. Ultimately, the guy broke free from both the wasps and the fuzz but jumped into an inflatable pool, where he was promptly arrested. Another successful crime bust from the Wasp herself, Hope Van Dyne.
Instead of doing this stupid blog thing I should be listening to this album...
Maybe not. If I had a TARDIS I would go and try to meet Carrie Fisher when she was filming Return of the Jedi and see her in the slave outfit. Knowing my luck though she'd be sleeping next to a stunt woman dressed like her and none of the two would even notice me there.
Damn it. Haha. Did you know Ivanka Trump went to the moon? No? I have proof.
That's really her. And her dad was in Normandy. Here's proof of that...
I think that's Normandy. Recently Trump was in Ohio and those people had some clever anti-Trump signs...
Hey, whoever she is she's cute. Right, fellas? So, I was told at Walmart I would see some crazy things. I didn't believe it until I saw this...
Weddings can be a minefield, and so can coming out... especially if your family contains bigoted people. Combine the two, and you've got a really tough situation. A Phile reader emailed me asking for advice in this situation. He's getting married, and his brother who's gay wants to bring his boyfriend to the wedding. The groom and his parents love and accept his brother. But their extended family might not. Their extended family has no idea he's gay... and they might make a scene when they find out. It's time for...
As the groom says in his email, "Dear Jason, Okay this is the worst. I’m losing sleep over this. My brother is gay, but my family doesn’t know, only me and my parents know. I come from a very old school traditional family, so the old part of the family, grandparents and some aunts/uncles still have last century’s mind, and the younger portion, cousins/siblings are open minded, and are living in the present. So my brother has been dating his bf for 6 months now, the dude is great, I’m so happy my brother found a great guy. But it’s kind of a secret, as he hasn’t told my family he is gay. The groom has been encouraging his brother to come out for years, but he hasn't yet (which is fine... it's his choice when he does or doesn't come out). Only now, the brother wants to bring his new boo to the wedding: I was not expecting that to be honest. So he went from 0 to 100 pretty fast. If it was any other occasion I would be supportive obviously, but I don’t think my wedding day is the day to do that. Imagine all the drama and gossip and bullshit that would happen. And I don’t want to get the attention away from my fiancée, that’s her day. And I don't wanna have to worry about that on my wedding day, and I think it’s a pretty good reason." The groom asked his brother why he wants to effectively come out at the wedding, and the brother said it's "because he wants to celebrate love with the two people he loves the most, me and his boyfriend." Oof. "This is killing me," the groom wrote. "I would fight my whole family for my brother and never speak to them again if I had to, but my wedding day is supposed to be a celebration, not a family fight, and I can’t do this to my wife, that might ruin our future." He asked the brother to come alone, and after leaving his house crying, the brother agreed... but clearly wasn't happy about it. "With a heavy heart, I asked him to please come alone to the wedding, and that I hope he understands me. He started crying and left my house without saying anything. Next day I got a text and he said 'don't worry, going alone.' I tried calling him but he didn't answer me, and my parents don’t seem to know what’s happening because they didn’t say anything. He eventually called me back a few days later, we spoke, he said he understands my side, but things are still weird between us. This is the worst situation of my life,' he wrote, "am I wrong for handling it the way I did?" He also added that his fiancée is in agreement with him, and clarified that no matter what I say, his point is not that his brother's in the wrong. It's just that he feels he's in an impossible position. "I know it won’t be my brother that would cause trouble. The trouble would start with remarks and looks from some aunt/uncle. Doesn’t matter, we are spending a lot of money on this wedding, planned it for a long time, my fiancee put her heart and soul into planning this wedding. I don’t want to see my bride or mom crying, or some idiot uncle insulting my brother. Literally every other day of my life I will support my brother’s decision to come out. Even at the wedding, I would obviously defend him. But the point is, NOT AT THE WEDDING. Also, MY BROTHER IS NOT THE ASSHOLE. Not at all. Jason, what do I do?" I say compromise... Invite the boyfriend to the family brunch the next day. Don't let it overshadow your day, which is what you have done. The next morning still allows that wedding and good fam vibes thing, but the pictures are done. Hopefully, this family will figure everything out before the wedding day.
This is easy... if you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, so, there's this 70s singer who was pretty famous back in the day, but now he finds it hard to get recognized. He is back in town and wanted to stop by. Please welcome back to the Phile...
Me: Hey, Harry, how are you doing?
Harry: I'm great, Jason, I just stopped at McDonald's.
Me: Yeah? That's cool.
Harry: Yeah, I pulled up to the drive-thru window and the girl started to read back my order and stopped herself. She said, "You're Harry Webb?" I says I was and she asked if she could tell everyone?
Me: Ha! That's cool you were recognized. What did you say?
Harry: I said, "I suppose." She yelled, "Yo, we got Harry Webb at the window!" A voice from inside asked, "Who?"
Me: Ha. At least one person recognized you.
Harry: Yeah. Alright, Jason, I have to go and get ready for my show tonight.
Me: Where are you playing? The Arena?
Harry: No, sir, the Holiday Inn. Cheers!
Me: Cheers. Harry Webb, kids.
Parenting changes your view. Do you remember the 90s? There's this guy who still lives in the 90s. He is having a hard day and wanted to come on to the Phile and tell me about it. Please welcome back...
Me: Hey, Ed, what's wrong?
Ed: I just bought a new CD Walkman.
Me: That's cool. So, what's the problem?
Ed: This...
Ed: It won't fit in my damn jacket pocket.
Me: Oh, that sucks...
Ed: Yeah, I guess I'll continue carrying my boom box around. See ya, man.
Me: See ya. Ed Enistink, the guy who lives in the 90s.
Peter Fonda
February 23rd, 1940 — August 16th, 2019
Farted Open. Raped Often. Deaf Pen Rot. Sometimes when I can't think of an obituary for someone, I just come up with anagrams for their name. Reaped Font. Patron Feed. Defeat Porn. Now is one of those times.
Donald Trump hosted a rally in New Hampshire on Thursday night, which was of course an enlightening evening in which he explained his record over his last years in office and offered his vision for a second term... LOLJK he told an arena "you have no choice but to vote for me" and then fat-shamed a guy in front of the world. The president, who is of course the paragon of physical health, confused a supporter for a protestor and after a brief interruption, said, "That guy has a serious weight problem." "Go home, start exercising. Get him out of here, please," he added, as security officials started escorting people out. "Got a bigger problem than I do! Got a bigger problem than all of us." "Look at that fatty over there!" is quite the re-election strategy. According to the Associated Press, the guy singled out by the president was wearing a Trump 2020 shirt, and was "enthusiastically shaking his fist" at the protestors. Bullying is bad regardless of the man's stature, but it's interesting to note that the dude mocked wasn't even that large. IfNotNow, the progressive Jewish movement behind the protests, shared a video of the event up close, and the Trump 2020 guy has seemingly normal Body Mass Index. Here's what he looked like...
The fat-shamee has been identified as Frank Dawson, and he has no hard feelings with regards to his very public humiliation at the hands of Dear Leader. Everything's good, and Dawson got an Air Force One voicemail from "his guy." By the way, remember when Trump said that his accusers were too ugly to sexually assault? Good times.
The 103rd book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...
The great Phil Collins will be on the Phile tomorrow! I am so excited!
Phact 1. Each Oscar Award loser receives a consolation bag of goodies. This year’s “goodie bag” was worth $85,000.
Phact 2. Batwoman was originally introduced as a love interest to the title character in the Batman comics as a way to deter backlash against homosexuality that was featured in the series in the 1950s. Coincidentally, Batwoman was rebooted in 2006 as a lesbian to diversify DC Comics lineup.
Phact 3. On September 26th, 2011, musician Mikey Welsh posted on Twitter, “Dreamt I died in Chicago next weekend (heart attack in my sleep). Need to write my will today,” shortly followed by, “Correction... the weekend after next”. Welsh had been found dead in a hotel room in Chicago, from a suspected drug overdose leading to a heart attack.
Phact 4. Shirley Chisholm became in 1968, the first African-American woman elected to Congress and survived three assassination attempts in 1972, while being the first major-party black candidate for President of the United States and the first woman to run for the Democratic presidential nomination.
Phact 5. In 2013, the Air Pollution in Singapore from forest fires in Indonesia hit 401, which is deemed life-threatening to the elderly and the ill. When Singapore pressed Indonesia to take action, Indonesia accused Singapore of acting like a child.
Today's pheatured guest is the founding member of Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen, an American country rock band. Please welcome to the Phile... Commander Cody.
Commander: I am good.
Me: You're not from New York, but you're living on Long Island now, am I right?
Commander: Saratoga Springs, New York. I lived here for 20 years.
Me: Cool. Okay, you have a new album coming out out called "Live From electric City" next week. This is an official album, right?
Commander. Yes. This is something I'm involved with with a bunch of guys at Rhino. I'm gonna release a whole bunch of these radio shows from the 70s and 80s. I released one of them on another label that was official also. I have some other ones and an old friend from Rhino from Rockbeat asked me if I had any more and I said yes and signed a six album deal with the guy. I got six of them sitting around. We're gonna release one every six months for the next three years.
Me: Okay, so, I researched you as I only knew a little bit about you and the band and I have to ask this right away, didn't you ask Linda Ronstadt to marry you at a show once?
Commander: No. She asked me to marry her. We were joking around.
Me: Okay, so, there's so many live CD's from you out there on iTunes and Amazon and the Internet, you release a lot of stuff, right?
Commander: No. I've been bitching about bootlegs for the last 20 years. Even BMG put out total illegal record, that's my publishing company, and they didn't help me out because their recording business is now folded. That wasn't us, that was them.
Me: That's cool you have all those tapes, sir. What kind of shape are they in?
Commander: They were in reasonable shape I have to say. They are on quarter inch Sony reel to reels. In the early 90s when digitalizing just came out I took them all in and put them all on CD. I digitized and mixed them and did all the work. I've been carrying these things around, relating one of them every couple of years to various people. They're official when they look official, and unofficial when you see a photograph of a bunch of guys you'll never recognize. Like "A Command Performance," the BMG thing. They stole the outtakes from the double live album. They stole it from the cutting room floor literally. There's a picture of six guys and no one has any idea who these guys are. Six random guys standing around posing, under the "Commander Cody Command Performances." There's a bunch of them too. I just quit bitching about those and tried to look uptempo, because most of the other things like the Internet like Pandora pays, and all those other things pay. Even Sirius XM is paying. When iTunes sells something that pay us for it, as opposed having my lawyer sue the record company every five years.
Me: How many Commander Cody CDs are out there do you know?
Commander: Forty-five. I didn't know that until I showed up in Italy my good friend who is the number one collector of things like this showed me, this was 10-years-ago, 40 Commander Cody CDs, half of which I've never seen before.
Me: Do you know how they get these recordings?
Commander: I remember one thing... this guy in Australia wanted me to bring him a demo. It was a real deal, it wasn't a bogus guy. He put on the Australia Blues Festival, he's got his own label in Australia. I sent him over a cassette and that cassette he sold to somebody in Africa, somebody in eastern Europe and somebody over at the far east. It's a live thing and I could tell which one it is because it's got "Take Me Back to Tulsa" on it because it's a tune we only did once because we were in Tulsa. We never played it as a regular part of the repertoire because the racist nature of the lyrics. "Take Me Back to Tulsa" is only from one cassette tape that I sent to this Australian guy in 1991. There's a lot of things out there that are keeping me from getting money in my pocket but things are getting better all the time.
Me: I have to mention "Hot Rod Lincoln" is not on the live album "Live at Ebbet's Field" that I have, sir. That's like a Foghat concert being released without "Slow Ride." What was the reason that song is not on there?
Commander: I told them to just skip the stuff that just doesn't sound good. Nothing like I did vocally sounded good back then any way.
Me: The Lost Airmen sounded like a great band, sir. You must of loved playing with them.
Commander: Billboard magazines "best live band in the world." in 1974. I could of kept that band going even after my manager ran of with 500,000 dollars, I could of kept that band going but no.
Me: The other releases that you have from the radio shows, are they all from the 70s?
Commander: No, there's things from the 80s. There's fifteen I have from the 80s. Most of them I do the same songs, we did the same set over and over. There might be one or two songs on each CD that's different.
Me: Growing up on Long Island musical influences, sir? Did you listen to a lot of country?
Commander: No, I never listened to a lot of country. We went on a Hank Williams binge and then we discovered Buck Owens in the 60s. Mostly for laughs we did country and western songs in our frat band. All somebody had to know was the lyrics to a country and western song. We didn't have to practice, we just played it. It was only three chords, anybody could follow it. We started off playing "Tiger By the Tail" and "Act Naturally" that of course was from Bucks greatest hits. The band in 1967 was more country folk blues with minimal electricity whatsoever.
Me: What kind of piano did you play back then?
Commander: We were a four piece and that hired to play Farfisa because electronic pianos back then really sucked. Electric pianos back the had to have a giantic tube and at the frat houses we could not get the frat boys to not put their beer son top of the piano. That's why I couldn't use a Wurtlizer or an electric piano. because they would spill beer and it would fall onto the tubes and tubes were twelve dollars a piece in 1964. I got out that when we got serious in 1967. We had to have pianos that were mic'ed into the 80s when electric pianos first came on. There wasn't a decent piano until 1980.
Me: When did you and Bill Kirchen first get together?
Commander: Bill got added to the band right after. He and Andy Stein don't join until the late fall of '67. When the band starts they're not in it.
Me: When did you move from Ann Arbor to Oshkosh and why?
Commander: It was the fall of '68, and the spring of '69 and I went back to Ann Arbor and picked up whoever I could, then went out to California to look for a rhythm section.
Me: When did you sign to your first record deal?
Commander: We signed to Paramount Records in late 1971 after two years of being homeless.
Me: Didn't Paramount want you guys to streamline your sound?
Commander: That was Warner Bros. They got me Ronstadt's producer to produce our first Warner Bros. album.
Me: Was Paramount then supportive of your sound?
Commander: Yeah, until we had a hit then they wanted everything to sound like "Hot Rod Lincoln." The Paramount guys were oldie timey guys. These were radio guys from the 40s who ran the label. They had no idea what was going on. These were mafia guys who owned Paramount Records in New York City.
Me: What is your connection to the band Asleep at the Wheel? You helped them, right?
Commander: Well, we started with Asleep at the Wheel. They were a bunch of guys that went out to do a gig at the Ohio University, where Ray Benson was going to school, he just met the band and really liked the band and became a friend. We crashed at his dormitory room, because we didn't have a place to sleep. So we became friends with them. When we went through Washington DC he had a gig at the Cellar Door and we went to see them and I said they got to come out to Oakland. So, they came out to Oakland in late 1972 or early 1973 and we had them open up all our shows for us.
Me: Right from your first album "Lost in the Ozone" who had this amazing formula of different genres in music. Were their other artists that you started to follow that sort of influenced that sound?
Commander: No.
Me: Ummm... okay then. What I love about your albums was there was a mix of covers and originals, and the originals sounded like they fit in perfect with the covers. Does that make sense? How did you guys do that?
Commander: There was a feeling to it. We didn't cover anything that was a major hit, we weren't a cover band. Cover bands covered whatever was a hit at that time. We finished around for old tunes which all bands do. When we found something we liked we just liked to play it.
Me: What was it like writing originals?
Commander: We wanted to write something that sounded like an original like an old stomping gospel tune.
Me: You took a long time off before you recorded a new studio album in 2009. Why was that?
Commander: I just didn't have a reason to do anything because nobody bought that last thing either. I should of put more time on it rather than listen to people. It was a big mistake. Putting out another live album was what I should of done. But I didn't. I went and did some stuff and it sucked.
Me: Are you going to put out any new studio recording stuff?
Commander: I have a few things I've been working on but I'm not interested in doing any work. I'm interested in doing some gigs and playing some music, but I'm not interested in making a career out of anything. I'm not interested in doing television shows. I'll do an occasional interview like this but that's about it.
Me: I have to talk to you about your art. Are you still doing a lot of artwork?
Commander: Yes.
Me: That's cool. And you still like playing live I guess, right?
Commander: I do about 70 a year. There's some bars I really like, there's some theaters I really like, and they bring me back very regularly every year. I keep visiting the places I like to play. I'm not playing anymore Joe's Backyard or Pepe's Barbecue. I'm not dong any of that. I don't do more than four gigs in a row.
Me: Alright then. Commander, thanks for being on the Phile. You're a legend. I hope this was fun.
Commander: Thanks, Jason.
That about does it for this interview. I have a feeling he hated doing this. Hahaha. I love his album "Live At Ebbett's Field." The Phile will be back tomorrow with Phil Collins! Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon
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