Pheaturing Johnny A.

Hey, kids, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. How are you? Yesterday, Donald Trump's Attorney General William Barr delivered a TL;DR of the much-anticipated Mueller report to Congress, and the president is pumped. We have yet to see what Special Counsel Robert S. Mueller III actually discovered in his 22-month descent into Trumplandia (IS THERE A PEE TAPE OR NOT?!), but Trump is claiming victory. The letter says, “The Special Counsel states that 'while this report does not conclude that the President committed a crime, it also does not exonerate him,'" but Trump has decided to ignore that part, and the media is going along for the ride. Barr's letter includes Barr's ruling that Trump didn't obstruct justice, and only four incomplete sentences of Mueller's words, so we still don't know exactly what Mueller had to say. White House Press Secretary and Evil Cabbage Patch Kid Sarah Huckabee Sanders is punting on whether the public will actually get to see the allegedly exonerating report. To many, it's not enough to simply read the Wikipedia summary of Mueller's findings... they want to read the damn thing themselves. If there's nothing to hide, what does the White House have to lose? The story ain't over, and it probably won't be until November 3rd, 2020.
The Mueller investigation into the Trump campaign's communications with Russia during the 2016 election was many things, and the invisible yet omnipresent Robert S. Mueller III really captured everyone's imaginations. He was hailed as a hero, messiah, and even a sex symbol. Brian and Ed Krassenstein, the Twitter-famous brothers who are always popping up in Trump's mentions, built their whole brand on cheering on Mueller as the One True Savior, and well, that was super naive. Attorney General William Barr released his summary of Mueller's findings, and he made the ruling himself that his boss didn't obstruct justice. Trump claims that he has been "exonerated" by his own political appointees, which is just as lame as bragging about being praised by your own employees. Looks like the only way to defeat Trump is going to be at the ballot box. Good thing there's an election coming up soon.
Remember Michael Avenatti, Stormy Daniels' ex-lawyer who helped expose a criminal conspiracy to get Trump elected, and then went all in on ambulance chasing by blowing up the Kavanaugh hearings and tried to pivot it into a run for president? Well, Avenatti showed the world just how presidential he is by getting indicted in a truly bonkers extortion case involving Nike. Avenatti rode Stormy Daniels' coattails to become a cable news staple. Seriously, he was somehow on every show on every network at the same time. According to The Washington Post, prosecutors are saying that he used his newfound fame to threaten Nike that he'd release damaging information about them if they didn't pay him and a client 20 million dollars. The language in the complaint is... colorful. The FBI recorded Michael Avenatti saying to Nike attorney, "Have you 'ever held the balls of the client in your hand where you could take five to six billion dollars market cap off of them?'" The lawyer is impressively bicoastal. Not only was he accused of extortion by the Southern District of New York, he also faces federal charges of wire fraud and bank fraud in the Central District of California!
It's no secret that CNN and Donald Trump have a tumultuous relationship. Trump calls CNN "fake news" and CNN calls Trump "bad at his job," and the vicious cycle goes on and on. This has been our daily reality for the past two years. On an unrelated note, I'm so tired! As one would imagine, news outlets have jumped onto the Mueller report as a major story this weekend. And of course, CNN has had some things to say about it. Most notably, CNN posted an article on the report with a very... strange subhead. Whoever wrote the tweet seems to have a knack for softcore erotica, because it read like a sexy romance novel your Aunt Jude would bring to the beach...

Everyone noticed how similar it was to a cheesy piece of fiction. Sorry, CNN, but you can't tweet something about Trump being "bathed in golden light" and not expect the internet to come for you.
Justin Bieber is many things. A singer. A dancer. A cult leader. And now, he has another accomplishment to add to his resumé: he's the destroyer of the 2 million-year-old Fjaðrárgljúfur. The Biebs filmed his 2015 video "I'll Show You" there, which showed Fjaðrárgljúfur to a few too many people. Icelandic officials are accusing Bieber for setting in motion the popular canyon's destruction, and too many people flocked to the fjord to get Instas following in his footsteps. Daniel Freyr Jonsson, head of the Environment Agency of Iceland (Umhverfis Stofnun) said that "the great increase in foot traffic began after Bieber came." According to the agency, there was "an increase of 50 percent to 80 percent between 2016, 2017 and 2018," and the foot traffic in the canyon have devastated the local vegetation. The Environment Agency has decided to close the trails until June 1st, hopefully giving the ecosystem an opportunity to recover from Bieber fever. I don't care what you say about Justin, he's a Foghat fan...

So, instead of doing this blog thing I should be listening to this album...

Ummm... maybe not. If you're thinking of cheating on your loved one you might think twice after seeing this...

Oh. Man. She spelt "bastard" wrong though. I was thinking about getting a tattoo but someone else had the same idea I had...

Hahaha. That's scary. The other day Trump whipped out a map to show that ISIS has been defeated. That wasn't the only thing he whipped out and showed off...

That's a nice sweet pic he's holding. And now for a new pheature called...

Today's word is...
Arbitrator
A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.

If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, so, a friend of the Phile has a story he'd like to share. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. You know what time it is...

Good evening, humans. Let me start by saying, I have no claims to any particular political affiliation. In fact, I find both parties to be largely made up of bullshit artists who are more concerned with tripping up the other side than they are pushing agendas that would actually benefit WE THE PEOPLE. That being said... My client the other day was a rather annoying woman I had to escort to a speech she was giving at a well known university in the New York area. As I drove this "limousine liberal" to her intended destination, I had to overhear her practice her speech in the back seat. Suffice to say, it was chock full of conjecture and opinions but no real facts. I listened as she pontificated and blamed the Republicans and the "Bush Regime" for all but the civil war and the extinction of the dinosaurs. As she wrapped up her rambling indictment of all things conservative, she asked me what I honestly thought of her speech. BIG mistake... I asked if she was certain that she wanted my honest opinion... she said she was. I then said the following, "I think it's sad that the best you could conjure up out of all your Harvard learning is a bunch of propaganda based in no real fact. It angers me that you'll set about poisoning young impressionable minds with such party line nonsense." She said, "You think it's lies?" "With all due respect, I think the only difference between your intended speech and a bucket of horse shit... is the bucket." She said, "A little harsh, don't you think?" "A... You asked... B... That's the greatest thing about America, my dear... even idiots like you and I are allowed to have an opinion." She said, "Hmmmmmm... and your name is?" "Jim Laird... and you wouldn't be the first client who called my boss trying to get me fired. Have a nice day."

She used to smell the flowers. Now she smells... something else.

I'm so excited about this! The 95th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

Michael Caine will be the guest on the Phile next Monday.

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? His mother had an idea, "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. "I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes." "What's wrong with that?" asked his mother. "We hadn't started eating yet."

Today's pheatured guest is an is an American musician, guitarist, and songwriter. His latest album "Driven" is available on iTunes, Amazon and Spotify. Please welcome to the Phile... Johnny A.

Me: Hey, Johnny, welcome to the Phile. How are you? 

Johnny: My pleasure, thanks for checking in.

Me: Where are you from, Johnny?

Johnny: Boston, Massachusetts.

Me: I thought so. You are about to so another solo tour, sir. What is that like?

Johnny: Actually what I'm doing with this solo thing which is branded as just me and my guitar is solo guitar, I don't have a band with me but I'm losing a lot more technology so that there's looping involved and time based effects that are involved. There's no prerecorded tracks, and no prerecorded samples. It's all loops. It's all live without a net.

Me: What kind of songs are you doing? Anything from your latest album "Driven"?

Johnny: It's pretty much a heavy emphasis on the British songbook off the 60s.

Me: You're such a great guitarist, sir. Who are your influences?

Johnny: Oh, my god, there's so many of them. Obviously paramount with all that is the Beatles. They were a very, very, very big influence on me. I got to see them when I was a kid. It was a wild experience. Any of the British Invasion stuff, and I was a big fan of the Everly Brothers, Beatles, Hollies, Stones, Animals... all of that stuff. Blues influences would be Little Willie John, Howlin' Wolf, Muddy Waters. I have a very eclectic musical kinda taste. They're all over the map from Everly Brothers to Jude Cole to Chris Whitley to John McLaughlin, Fripp, Chet Atkins, Les Paul. Jimi Hendrix and all the usual suspects but there'e definitely people in my iPod that people wouldn't consider me a fan of. People like Gerry Rafferty and things like that. I'm just a big fan of melody and arrangement and a well crafted song.

Me: What about the Beatles did you like the most? Everybody says practically they're influenced by the Beatles but I always wanted to know what was it about them?

Johnny: My initiation with the Beatles came out after I started playing music, because I was a drummer first. I was a drummer way before the British Invasion and was into people like Sandy Nelson and Gene Krupa and some of the surf bands and things like that. When the Beatles hit in '63 the one I was drawn to was John Lennon. Again it really wasn't because of the guitar playing, it was all about the melody, the emotion, the voice. Obviously his lyrical content was great but when I think of the music that hits me the deepest and the longest lasting it's really not about the guitar player. It's really about the melody and the song and arrangement and production. Yes, I like great guitar playing and I'm a fan of some great guitarists like Jeff Beck, Chet, Wes Montgomery, any of the greats. But I think I have to go back to say it's about the song.

Me: What about George Harrison as a guitar player?

Johnny: I think he was great, a really underestimated guitar player and he probably came into his own voice probably post-Beatles. That's when he developed his slide playing which is so lyrical and so vocal. People don't think of George Harrison like that but he's probably for my money one of the finest slide players. It's not a shredding type of slide, but it's definitely a vocal and a very emotive type of playing.

Me: So, I was so surprised to read that you were in the Yardbirds. I didn't know they were still a band. Were you a Yardbirds fan back in the day?

Johnny: Yeah, it's interesting, when I said my favorite band growing up all that time was the Beatles my second favorite band would have to be the Yardbirds. I have a lot of stylistically approaches because I grew up listening to different people, but I would have to say I contribute when I approach rock, or think rock blues, I have to sight the influence would be on the '65, '66 Yardbirds, which is the Jeff Beck era. He was in the band for only eighteen months I think. Which is amazing because if you look at their catalogue all the hits pretty came from Jeff Beck and he was only in there for a year and a half.

Me: How did you become a member of that band, sir?

Johnny: I was a big fan and stuff, and my first two records were released on Steve Vai's record label, Favored Nations, and were distributed by Sony. The Yardbirds had put out an album in about 2003 called "Birdland." They were playing in Boston at the House of Blues, which is where I'm from, I had a night off and just went down and introduced myself. I went down to the soundcheck, hung out and they asked me to sit in. I did and it was a very natural thing because I even though I never played much of his songs in any of my kid bands growing up I was extremely familiar with the catalogue. So I sat in and I think I did "Shapes of Things" or something like that. Then the label called me and asked me if I would fly down to New York and sit in with them at B.B. King's, which I did. It was great, we had a great time. So basically I got to know Chris and Jim McCarty and the other guys too. If they came through town and I wasn't on tour I'll go say hi and sit in. Then almost five years ago I had gotten a phone call asking if I could do a tour with them. Jim was putting together a different line up. I had declined because I had a west coast tour already booked with my band. I couldn't do it, my dates were right on top of their dates. That tour ended up getting canceled for some reason or other. I think they pegged Earl Slick to do the tour but something happened and the tour never went off. When they went to reschedule the tour again I got a phone call again to do it. I was in the middle of trying to put a midwest tour together for my act but it was only a couple of confirmed shows so I was able to call the couple of promoters and they were very gracious to let me out.

Me: Are you gonna be doing an album with the Yardbirds?

Johnny: Well, we were but that project got shelved. There was a lot going on. Jim had a book coming out and a solo album coming out, and it was Jimmy Page released that Yardbird '68 album so there was a lot of stuff happening. We had scheduled the album had we done it to come out really now, which is right on top of his book, right on top of his solo album. I just think that Jim had so much going on that the time is not right.

Me: My dad was Lonesome Dave from Foghat and I don't know if you know he played a guitar he designed, which is a one off called the Loentz and built by Gibson. I always thought it'll be cool if they came out with a Lonesome Dave signature guitar. You have a Gibson signature guitar, right? 

Johnny: Yeah, it's celebrating it's 16th anniversary this year.

Me: What does it feel like to have your own signature guitar?

Johnny: It blows my mind if I think about it absolutely. It's an incredible honor. It's an incredible achievement. It was really nothing I ever inspired to.

Me: How did the signature guitar happen?

Johnny: My initial relationship with Gibson's custom shop started in 1994 when I was working with Peter Wolf from the J. Geils Band, I picked up an endorsement with Gibson Custom. I hit to off with the guys there, my Wolf thing ended around 1998 or so about seven years and that's when I made my first solo album which is the "Someday Tuesday Morning" album. I initially put it out independently then it got picked up by Vai's label. It made a lot of noise, that record did very well. I had the number one single across the country, it sold over a hundred thousand copies, I was touring all the time. As you know it was instrumental music and was the tone of me, it was the voice of my guitar. On that record I used a bunch of different guitars, big hollow body guitars and were presenting issues live. Big hollow body guitars give out feedback so when I went down there they made me some historic '59 Les Pauls with a Bigsby tale piece. Bigsby was one of my things and they weren't making guitars with Bigsby's for anybody. In fact, I probably got the first three. I just stated using them then a couple of years later they asked me how I was digging the Les Pauls and I said it's very hard to find fault with that design. It's a try and true guitar, it's fantastic. I said I was really missing a little bit of my hollow tone live, it's kinda a thing I like. So they asked me if I had any ideas and if I'd be interested in developing a guitar with them. That's how it started.

Me: So, they approached you?

Johnny: Yeah, they wanted to do it. You don't schmooze into a deal like that because projects have to get prelim, green lighted way up the pole.

Me: How is it selling after all these years?

Johnny: It's the second best selling signature line. Epiphone just released a version in summer pf 2017is it's little more price conscious for people that couldn't afford the Gibson. Epiphone has done a fantastic job with the guitar.

Me: That's cool. Johnny, thanks so much for being on the Phile. I hope this was fun and I hope you'll come back soon.

Johnny: Okay, I will.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Laird Jim and of course Johnny A. The Phile will be back next Monday with Michael Caine as you know. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

I don't want you, cook my bread, I don't want you, make my bed, I don't want your money too, I just want to make love to you. - Willie Dixon