Pheaturing Ray Parker Jr.

Hey there, welcome to the Phile for a Monday. Happy Columbus Day. There's nothing more American than complaining all day about not having Columbus Day off. But I'm off. Ha. Happy Columbus Day to you all who never pointed out my unoriginal discoveries. Okay, let's see what is going on in the news.
On Friday, Fox News contributor Raymond Arroyo appeared on a segment of "The Ingraham Angle" to discuss the dangers of selfie-taking with host Laura Ingraham. While explaining that more than 250 people have died while trying to take selfies in India over the past seven years, Arroyo decided to pose for a selfie with Ingraham. Because that's an appropriate response to reporting on people dying. The two are also sharing Bud Lights on air, which makes sense given that Fox News is the Bud Light of news channels: the worst possible option. Then while attempting to pose for the selfie, Arroyo took a tumble. Now, most TV hosts would probably use this opportunity to highlight the obvious humor and irony of the situation. But nope... not Miss Ingraham, who turns to the camera and proceeds to skewer the ACLU while her colleague remains on the floor. It's almost like this woman, who once compared migrant children being kept in cages to "summer camps," lacks empathy. Please check out this screenshot and I hope you will enjoy it...

Hahahahahahaha. That's the best screenshot I could get. The clip spread like wildfire on Twitter, bringing joy across the Internet to many, many people who are having one of the worst weeks of this entire nightmare of a presidency. We needed this, desperately. I laughed so hard I almost fell OUT OF MY OWN CHAIR. Many are pointing out that the highlight of the clip is really Laura Ingraham's sociopathic response.
Melania Trump is no stranger to people criticizing her fashion choices. From pussy bows to provocative jackets, she's managed to raise eyebrows across the globe with her sartorial statements... that she claims aren't actually statements. Whatever you say, girl. Though currently abroad in Egypt, her latest outfits have managed to spark controversy stateside. Friday on a safari at the Nairobi National Park, she wore a pith hat, which is commonly associated with colonial-era Africa. Check her out...

I'm sure it was a crazy coincidence that her hat represents white colonialist rule of African countries! Total coincidence. Not intentional in the least. But the cringe-inducing fashions didn't stop there. Melania followed up this ensemble with one that's drawn... unflattering comparisons to some unlikely style inspirations. My favorite niche complaint was that she consistently refuses to put her arms through her damn coat sleeves. Maybe it's a European thing? Idk. My gut says that if she actually DID anything besides launch a supposed anti-bullying campaign, people would talk about that instead. It's especially rich coming from the spouse of the world's most prolific bully. I'm all about changing the conversation, but she might have to change her entire lifestyle before that can happen... or at least her wardrobe.
No good deed goes unpunished, but when you're drunk it's easy to forget the oppressive truth of that aphorism. When 17-year-old Juliette Avitia from Texas found an adorable kitten outside a party, she assumed it was a stray and decided to open her heart and home to it. "We pulled up to the party and he was right in front of the house just meowing, and I immediately grabbed him and looked at my friends Brooklyn and Sasha and said, 'We have to take him home'," Avitia told Buzzfeed News. But when she returned home with the kitten and posted a Snapchat about it, she soon found out she actually stole the cat from the host of the party. Obviously, she immediately apologized and offered to bring the wee kitten back. But apparently, the owner didn't really want the cat anyways, so Avitia ended up serendipitously scoring the kitten. Of course, this didn't stop people from teasing her for accidentally kidnapping a cat. Accidental theft aside, this whole meet-cute ended pretty well. She met a cat, fell in love, stole the cat thinking she was rescuing it, and then was gifted it by the owner. Sometimes you gotta go with your gut, hopefully next time Avitia will make sure she's not stealing when she follows her heart. Man, that's the lamest story I ever told on the Phile I think. Ha.
As the debate surrounding Brett Kavanaugh's nomination for the Supreme Court continues to open wounds and bleed out on the floor of the Senate, Brett Kavanaugh would like you to consider the real victim of the crisis: Brett Kavanaugh. The judge who we last saw crying about calendars and claiming that the sexual misconduct allegations are a conspiracy seeking "revenge on behalf of the Clintons" took to the famously conservative Wall Street Journal editorial page to say that he is an "independent, impartial judge." In the op-ed, titled "I Am An Independent, Impartial Judge," Kavanaugh doesn't apologize, but he does acknowledge that sounding like Alex Jones was wrong. "I was very emotional last Thursday, more so than I have ever been. I might have been too emotional at times. I know that my tone was sharp, and I said a few things I should not have said. I hope everyone can understand that I was there as a son, husband and dad. I testified with five people foremost in my mind: my mom, my dad, my wife, and most of all my daughters." Many people objected to the idea that in attending the job interview, he wasn't speaking as a job applicant. The Hail Mary attempt at seeming judicious was comprehensively roasted. To many, the op-ed seemed like the words of an abuse, alcoholic dad trying to argue his way back into the house. But it's not a house, it's the Supreme Court. Democrats in the Senate are saying that this non-apology, almost-apology is too little, too late... and disqualifying in itself. It wasn't the only op-ed of the night. Meanwhile, over at The Washington Post, Kav's old drinking buddies broke their bro code and said that their old pledgemaster is a liar who should not be confirmed.
It's been nearly 26 years since the death of JonBenét Ramsey and the Internet has yet to take a break from working tirelessly to uncover the truth behind that horrifying murder scene. In case you've lived under a rock where true crime isn't a national obsession, JonBenét​​​​​​​ was a 6-year-old pageant baby from Boulder, Colorado who mysteriously went missing the day after Christmas in 1996... with a sizable ransom note left in her place. Soon after, she was found dead with a broken skull, and the presumed cause of death was strangulation. Even now, decades later, JonBenét's case remains open and no one has been charged. Of course, there have been endless theories about her parents, brother, the pedophile and family acquaintance John Mark Karr, the Santa impersonator Bill McReynolds, and JonBenét​​​​​​​ actually being alive as Katy Perry. While professionals have yet to fully crack the case, detectives on Twitter are convinced they've connected all the of the quickly fading dots in this case. The Twitter user karma pElise recently went viral after she revealed her own theory about the legendary case.

While her initial tweet didn't reveal her theory, the following thread took a deep dive into the case. For starters, she provided her Twitter audience with sources so they could check her work and create their own cunning theories. She quickly revealed she firmly believes Burke Ramsey was the murder culprit, based on both detailed theories on Reddit, and his own suspicious behavior during a Dr. Phil interview. She believes Burke broke her skull after JonBenét​​​​​​​ stole pineapple he was eating. Several others chimed in to echo the theory that it was Burke all along. The large, looming question we still face at hand is what do you think?! Do you believe it was Burke, or does one of the other many theories strike a chord?
So, instead of doing this blog thing maybe I should be listening to this album...

Ummm... maybe not. So, sometimes people got their asses saved by a total stranger. Not all humans are the worst. Like this man who stopped his day to make sure a kid got to school on time...

Good job, Brian. Your grammar sucks, but good job. I love dogs but sometimes they can be assholes, you know.

"This is where I'm sitting, Buster. Deal with it." Ha. If your dog is an asshole send me the pic. So, I was thinking about getting another tattoo but someone stole my idea.

Actually I have no idea what that is. do you like "The Walking Dead"? Well, this season that kinda changed the show up a little bit.

Haha. That's so stupid. That's as stupid as...

Do you know what makes me laugh? Old people wearing inappropriate t-shirts.

Hahahaha. That has to be the best one yet. They tell me ifI go to Walmart I'd see some strange things. I didn't believe it until I saw this...

Hmmmm. Moving on. Do you know who would do a better job as president? I'll tell you... a penguin.

Obviously that is photoshopped but there's pics that you would think are photoshopped but aren't. Such as this...

Damn! I hope your kid in school is not as idiotic as the kid who wrote this...

So, when I saw this pic of Melania it reminded me of something...

Then it hit me...

Close, right? Okay, so, one of the best things about the Internet is you can look at porn so easily and free. The problem about that though is you might decide to go look at porn instead of reading the Phile or another blog. So I thought what if I showed a porn pic here. But then I thought what if you were at school or work. I don't want to get you in trouble. Then I came up with a great idea...

You are welcome. Hahaha. Hey, wanna play a game?

So, what is it? A potato or Amy Schumer? One day I see her being on the Phile and I would have to tell her about this.

If you spot the Mindphuck let me know.

If you're traveling through the fog and the sun is at your back, you might just see a white rainbow. Fogbows were like rainbows without color. Though rare, they occur in the fog because the water droplets, which would normally form a rainbow, are too small to reflect the light wavelengths that create colors.

Haha.

In a true slapstick move, the president was videotaped boarding Air Force One with noticeable toilet paper stuck to his shoe. We're not talking the shy corner of a napkin peeking out to those nearby, this is a full square (or two) of toilet paper dangling off the shoe of the leader of the free world. See?

Naturally, people are curious how the toilet paper got there, and why no one prevented Trump the embarrassment of boarding Air Force One with it dangling from his foot. Trump's all encompassing fascist dragon energy makes it feel painfully impossible to even laugh at something as comically fool-proof as toilet paper stuck to a shoe, and that's saying a lot. It also feels like a visual representation of the country for the past two years, in a deeply depressing way.

The 88th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...

David will be the guest on the Phile next week. Now for some Christopher Columbus...

Phact 1. Santa María, the largest ship used by Christopher Columbus when he reached the Americas, was only 62 feet long, or slightly longer than a large coach bus.

Phact 2. Christopher Columbus used to make the natives over the age of 13 to bring him a specified amount of gold every three months. Those who didn’t collect enough gold in time had their hands amputated and were left to bleed to death.

Phact 3. In an attempt to induce the natives of Jamaica to continue provisioning him and his hungry men, Christopher Columbus successfully intimidated the natives by correctly predicting a lunar eclipse.

Phact 4. The famous Inca site of Machu Picchu was constructed less than 50 years before Christopher Columbus sailed to the New World.

Phact 5. Most mermaid “sightings” were most likely manatees, dugongs, or Steller’s sea cows. In fact, Christopher Columbus spotted three manatees near the Dominican Republic and would later write that mermaids are “not half as beautiful as they are painted.”

Today's guest is an American guitarist, singer-songwriter, record producer, and actor, best known for writing and performing the theme song to the 1984 movie Ghostbusters. His CD "For Those Who Like To Groove: The Essential Ray Parker, Jr And Raydio: 40Th Anniversary Collection" is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Ray Parker Jr.

Me: Hey, Ray, welcome to the Phile. How're you?

Ray: I'm cool, Jason, thanks.

Me: So, I have to ask you about this... you had a day declared after you in L.A.? Is that true?

Ray: Yeah, it as about four years ago and they gave me a star on Hollywood Blvd. We had huge party, like a TMZ type party. George Benson performed, Denise Williams performed.

Me: That's so cool, Ray. I have to admit I really only know you before the documentary Hired Gun come out that you were in was Ghostbusters. It's been awhile since you had an album out, right?

Ray: Yeah, you're right, I've been real lazy. But I'm gonna fix that real soon here. The new album is gonna sound like the 80s, it's not gonna have any of that new stuff on it. It's gonna sound like outtakes or something that I never released.

Me: You played music with so many other people. I heard a rumor that you were on Marvin Gaye's "What's Goin' On?" Is that true?

Ray: No, I was too young to do that. I'm on the album right after that. The first record I cut with Marvin Gayle was the political record "You're the Man." That record started with my guitar and I play all the way through.

Me: Ahhh, okay. You also played with Stevie Wonder, right? How old were you then? 

Ray: I was 18-years-old.

Me: Man. Same age as my son. How did Stevie find you and how did you get on his album?

Ray: It started with the Spinners when I was fourteen. I toured with the Spinners, that was my first Motown act I played with. By the time Stevie Wonder called me he said, "You don't have to audition, I heard you. You got it. Do you wanna come?"

Me: Haha. When you were working with him did you know you were working on something special?

Ray: Absolutely, yeah. Let me put it this way, when he cut "Living For the City" I was there from the beginning when he wrote the song to the end when he recorded. That is something I'll never forget. I saw him put the piano down first, play the instrument, the whole thing. It was just spectacular and I knew it was gonna be something special.

Me: When did you decide to go solo, Ray?

Ray: Michael Henderson and I grew up together and he was the one who inspired me to make my own records. I heard Michael singing "Valentine Love" and I'm just a couple years younger than him and he said, "I guess we got to get our own records out."

Me: And you played with Seals and Croft? Was that ones song or their whole career?

Ray: I played on that album. "Getting Closer to You" was the big hit I played on.

Me: You played all different genres with different people which is amazing. Who are some other people you played with?

Ray: I played with Freddie Hubbard, Herbie Hancock, Dizzy Gillespie, Ethel Merman, the Carpenters, Tom Jones, Engelbert Humperdinck, Diana Ross, Marvin Gaye, the Rolling Stones, I did rock and roll records, even Van Morrison which we didn't get along too well.

Me: What was it like working with Van? He's so cool, right?

Ray: It's going in the book but let me tell you this, he thought I was a spy in England, spying for Warner Bros. I don't know why he thought that, but to make a long story short he ended up in my bedroom at 3:30 in the morning staring at me while I had no clothes on. I had no clue why he was standing there. I didn't see him come in the room.

Me: Holy shit! That's crazy. Did you get to fly all over the world being on people's albums?

Ray: Absolutely. I got to play with Lucio Battitsti who was the Michael Jackson of Italy. There was a big TV show in Italy that was celebrating his twenty anniversary I guess. Believe it or not they flew me first class all the way to Italy, put me in a hotel, limousine toured me around and all they wanted was for me to play one guitar lick on it.

Me: I didn't know 'til Hired Gun you wrote "You Make Me Feel Like Dancing" by Leo Sayer. How did that happen?

Ray: Well, I was in the studio with Leo and playing on his record. Leo is one of the nicest guy in the world but his producer did not give me credit. So, my name is not on it as writer but everyone knew I wrote it. Clive Davis called me up behind that and offer me a deal if I take "Jack and Jill" away from the producer and give it to him.

Me: Did you ever get paid for that song?

Ray: Not only did I not get paid but I never got the Grammy for that song or credit either. Not only did I write the song but I put the band together to. That's me playing on it.

Me: What did you think of that back then?

Ray: At the time I was majorly depressed. That didn't sit well with me at all. The good news is I ended up with my own record deal and made a whole lot more.

Me: So, tell me about the band Raydio. How did that happen?

Ray: I always wanted to do my own thing, I actually had my own record deal on A&M that I got kicked off from. I was always working in that direction, when I met Stevie Wonder I was trying to write songs and do something. It took me a couple of years to get it together. With my first record deal I was recording with my brothers band and a couple of the Raydio guys were in my brothers band. I just put together a bunch of my friends and got it going.

Me: Out of all your songs you played on what was your favorite?

Ray: "Jack and Jill." It took me from being a side player to being a lead player. After that from that day forward no longer was I a hired gun. At least I could say I didn't intend to be a hired gun after that.

Me: Okay, so, we have to talk about Ghostbusters. In Hired Gun you said being invited to write the song is like winning the lottery. You were the only one who can write the song and out the word "ghostbusters" in it because that is what Ivan Reitman wanted, is that right?

Ray: That's exactly right. I guess he spoke to a whole slew of people to do it and nobody came up with a song that he wanted. As soon as I had a meeting with him, I actually left the meeting early, I had the idea for the song in my head so I just had to go and out it down.

Me: Who are some other people that couldn't come up with the song?

Ray: I have no idea but he spent a whole year trying to get people, I know that much. I was at the end of the process.

Me: What do you think of that song now, Ray?

Ray: It's the biggest blessing I'll ever have. That song made me a hero with my kids. There's no way I could not like that song or feel jaded by that song. Its just wonderful.

Me: Okay, let's talk about this Indiegogo crowd funding campaign for a documentary called Who You Gonna Call. Why a documentary now, Ray?

Ray: We just walked into a brick wall and it was there. I had no idea who Fran Strine was, we just started working on the film and we started talking about flying to Australia while we took an 18 hour flight. It just happened.

Me: Has anyone ever approached you before about making a documentary on your life?

Ray: Some people have talked about it but didn't get far.

Me: How much are you hoping to raise for it?

Ray: I have no idea, I am learning as we go along. I have a son who has an Internet business and he uses the same sign. He said told me how it worked and was explaining it to me. I'm from the old school.

Me: I wish you luck with it. Fran is coming back on the Phile again real soon. Ray, thanks for being on the Phile. Can you come back again soon?

Ray: Yeah, thanks to you, I'm having a good time. I'm so happy. I will come back again here soon.

Me: Cool. Take care, Ray.

Well, I have no idea what to say. Hmmmm. That's about to for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Ray for the interview. The Phile will be back on Thursday with Eddie Money. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker