Rabbit. Welcome to the Phile, kids, for a Monday... it's May 1st. Here's an interesting fact... this month our will go into "dark orbit" and won't be visible for a month. I wish I would't be visible for a month. At least I'm having a better time than Ja Rule.
By now, everyone in the world with a stable Internet connection has heard about the catastrophic fiasco that was the Fyre Festival. (If you haven't heard about it, check your wifi.) Basically, what was supposed to be the most exclusive music festival the Bahamas had ever seen turned into a Mad Max-style post-apocalyptic hellscape. All of the A-list stars dropped out, and the hot young millennials and social media influencers who paid between $1,200 and $100,000 to attend were left huddling in U.S. AID tents with no electricity or food, hiding from the wild animals wandering the grounds. In the days since the images went viral, all the celebrities who were paid to endorse the festival, including Kendall Jenner and Bella Hadid, have been blasted on social media. But nobody has taken it harder than hip-hop impresario Ja Rule, who was one of the founders of the festival. He issued a very hostile apology in which he insisted, "This is NOT MY FAULT," but no one is buying it. He and his co-founder, 25-year-old entrepreneur Billy McFarland, are being sued for $100 million in a class-action federal suit by the furious ticket buyers. They allege that the two men knew the festival would be a failure, and even warned their celebrity friends not to come in advance. The suit claims that they willingly lied about it for months, knowing all the time that it was nothing but a "get-rich-quick scam." To be fair, every musical festival is a scam. But although Coachella might be overpriced and crowded, at least you never have to fight off feral dogs for a cheese sandwich there.
If you thought that a presidential administration led by a confessed sexual harasser and a guy who calls his wife "mother" was bound to have some weird issues about women, oh boy were you ever correct. But it's not just wrinkly old men who are bent on rolling back abortion and contraceptive rights. With his latest appointee, the Trump camp has shown that women can hate women, too. On Friday, the White House announced a new round of appointees, among them Charmaine Yoest, who nabbed a job as Assistant Secretary of Health and Human Services, Public Affairs. The position involves imparting health information and policy to the country at large, which is a problem given that Yoest seems to have a grasp on medical science that's slippery at best. To start with, there's her troubling belief that abortion raises the odds of breast cancer (Yoest is a breast cancer survivor herself). Americans United for Life, an anti-abortion group where Yoest served as CEO from 2008 to 2016, trumpets this widely debunked view on their site, and in 2012, a "New York Times" writer interviewing Yoest was baffled that she insisted on such a falsehood... "I was surprised, then, when the next thing she said was that abortion increases a woman’s risk of breast cancer. The National Cancer Institute, the American Cancer Society and the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists have rejected that claim, citing, among other research, a 2004 analysis of 53 studies involving 83,000 women that found no link between abortion and a higher rate of cancer. Yet Yoest was insistent. 'As a breast cancer survivor, the spin on abortion and breast cancer really troubles me,' she said. 'Why can’t you report what the research actually shows?' When I said the studies I’d read showed no abortion-breast cancer link, she shook her head calmly and said, 'If you could spend time with the amazing people in AAPOLG'... the American Association of Pro-Life Obstetricians and Gynecologists... 'they could walk you through the data.' What data? I asked. Yoest would only refer back to the pro-life obstetricians she trusts and later declared that the scientific establishment 'is under the control of the abortion lobby.'" Yikes. But that's not all. The woman that AUL describes as "'public enemy #1' to many in the pro-abortion community" also doesn't know how an IUD works. From that same "Times" interview, "She wants to make [abortion] illegal. She leaves no room for exceptions in the case of rape or incest or to preserve the health of the mother. She believes that embryos have legal rights and opposes birth control, like the IUD, that she thinks 'has life-ending properties.'" Oh, charming. It'd be bad enough if you'd spent your life lobbying against pro-choice groups (many of which also push an anti-LGBT agenda, as Motherboard points out), but you also think women are giving themselves abortions with their IUDs? This is like high school health-class ignorance. Try Google sometime. That's right... The IUD is designed to prevent fertilization and pregnancy. So whose life is being ended, exactly? And, if we're really going go down this road, what about all the lives lost when a man uses a condom? Anyway, Yoest is just the latest example of Trump's ongoing staff problems. Because for all he claimed he'd surround himself with "the best people," it doesn't seem as if anyone with half a brain wants to work for him.
Ah, it seems like just yesterday we were compulsively watching a very pregnant April the giraffe pace around her pen for hours on end, and now the time has finally come to learn viral star's baby's name. April's pregnancy captivated the Internet for months before the 15-year-old giraffe finally delivered a male calf on April 15th. Following the birth, a contest was held to name the new addition. The top five names came down to Apollo, Geoffrey, Gio, Harpur, Alyssa's choice. Ultimately, voters decided to let Alyssa, a zookeeper who looked after April, choose the name of her calf. The name was announced this morning on "Good Morning America," and, appropriately, via Facebook livestream. And the name Alyssa chose was... Tajiri! Tajiri is a Swahili for both hope and confidence, and the folks at Animal Adventure Park revealed that they plan on calling him Taj for short. Sorry, Internet. But Harambe didn't even make it into the running. Gone, but not forgotten.
Here's a story that'll make you face palm forever. A man in India recently made up an aircraft hijacking plot to get out of going on a trip with his "online girlfriend." Oh, he's also married. With a child. According to CNN, 32-year-old Motaparthi Vamshi Krishna was arrested in the southern Indian city of Hyderabad on Thursday after he allegedly sent a hoax email about an aircraft hijack plot. Police said that Krishna confessed to sending the email while he was being questioned. Apparently, his online girlfriend in Chennai wanted to take their relationship to the next level, and suggested a trip to Mumbai and Goa. Krishna didn't have enough money to make the trip, but his girlfriend still really wanted to go. So, rather than just, you know, stay at home with his wife and child, Krishna came up with an elaborate scheme to sabotage the trip. First, Krishna, who is a travel agent, created a fake plane ticket to send to his girlfriend. Then, he sent the email about the made-up hijacking plot. According to CNN, Krishna claimed to be a woman who overheard six men plotting to hijack planes in Hyderabad, Chennai, and Mumbai in the email. CNN reports that investigators tracked the IP address the email was sent from to an Internet cafe. Using CCTV footage, they zeroed in on Krishna. "He didn't have the money, but if he canceled because of that, it would have hurt his pride, and his friendship with the girl would've come to an end," B. Limba Reddy, the Deputy Commissioner of Police at the Commissioner's Task Force in Hyderabad, said at a press conference. "So, his thinking was that if the flight was to be canceled and it was because of the airport, he wouldn't be at fault." That just makes no fucking sense! Turns out he was very much at fault. CNN reports that Krishna has been arrested on four charges, including impersonation and providing false information. Guys, if the person you're dating ever fakes an aircraft hijacking to get out of going on vacation with you, take it as a sign that they're just not that into it.
Sources close to Prince's heirs have reportedly told TMZ that there's a reality show in the works. The show will focus on how the superstar's shocking death on April 21th, 2016 affected the lives of his remaining family members. The people behind the show also want to debut Prince's unreleased music, which explains why his estate sued to block the release of a new Prince EP, "Deliverance," originally scheduled to come out on the anniversary of his death. According to TMZ, Prince's family is battling the EP's producer, George Ian Boxill, to make sure that the music is not released before the show. The EP consists of previously unreleased songs Prince recorded about a decade ago. Boxill has been ordered by the court to turn the music over to the estate, but he's still fighting that. TMZ's sources have told them that the show is in the very early stages of development. So far there's apparently a production company involved, but they have no network deal yet. So there's still a chance the songs will come out, but it's unclear when.
On Saturday Trump's first 100 days came to an end... and coincidentally, the new Mount Rushmore was revealed...
I saw this picture of Trump the other day...
And it reminded me of something. Then it hit me...
See? I can't be the only one who sees that. There's one thing I like about Trump... he even gets the geeks to protest...
You don't grab someone's purse without permission, just like you don't grab someone's pussy... even Bobby Hill knows the appropriate response to either is a swift kick to the balls. So, there's a lot of cool Star Wars stuff out and some of it is rather expensive. But I think this is one of the most expensive things I saw...
That's a Mindphuck. Best offer? Five bucks. Are you excited that Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 is coming out this week? You know the first Guardians movie came out in the 80s, right. Don't believe me? Take a look...
The new football season schedules came out and I was surprised when I saw Cleveland's schedule...
Why should they bother? Hahahaha. And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...
Top Phive Startling Similarities Or Differences Between Fidget Spinners and Trump's First 100 Days
5. Don't accomplish anything beyond a lot of spin.
4. Operate on a consistent, easily-understood logic.
3. Are in content danger of spinning out of control.
2. Provide soothing feelings for many.
And the number one thing similar or difference between the forget spinners and Trump's first 100 days is...
1. Barron Trump has been enjoying them.
Hahaha. If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Okay, so, everybody farts... and sometimes people joke about farting and other times farting makes the news. So, here once again is a pheature I like to call...
In May 2013, Deborah Ann Burns, 37, of Immokalee, Florida was having an argument about money with her boyfriend of six years, Willie Butler, 53. Both were drinking, and as Butler went to the kitchen, he farted on Burns' head. Burns confronted him, and he threw a knife at her. He missed. Burns threw the knife back and hit her target... Butler ran outside with the knife lodged in his stomach. She gave chase and hit him on the arm with a stick. Cops arrived to find a bleeding Butler standing in front of his mailbox, but he was too drunk to give a statement. Burns denied cutting Butler, but was arrested and charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. Tooting will get you stabbed.
On Friday, the White House issued a statement in which Donald Trump proclaimed today, May 1st Loyalty Day, Fox News reports. However, it turns out that Loyalty Day has actually been a holiday since Eisenhower, as "Esquire" pointed out in this piece telling everybody to relax about the whole debacle. How has Loyalty Day slid past us every year, without notice? It's probably a combination of the fact that: 1) we are wary and extra vigilant of everything Trump says and does (and with good reason) and 2) the news broke as a "proclamation" which is basically incorrect. You can't declare it if it's already a thing. And besides, naming a holiday Loyalty Day when you're a flailing mess with low approval ratings and a track record rife with collusion is pretty freaking ironic. You can't expect us to not take note of that.
February 22nd, 1944 — April 26th, 2017
It puts the lotion in the casket.
The 59th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...
Jack will be a guest on the Phile in a few weeks.
Today's pheatured guest is the bass player for the rock band Love Like Suicide whose new single "Side Effects" is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Troy Richardson.
Me: Hey there, Troy, welcome to the Phile. How are you, man?
Troy: Doing great, thank you. It's great to be here.
Me: Okay, so, you are friends with Desert Tundra who was on the Phile a few months ago, is that right? How do you know her, Troy?
Troy: I met Janet as both bands were forming. Love Like Suicide was looking for a guitarist and she was looking for a bass player. Both bands got busy and neither of us could do both, but we stayed friends.
Me: Have your two bands played together at all?
Troy: Not yet. We keep working on it, but it hasn't happened so far. I think 2017 will be our year, though. When it does, it’ll be a great bill.
Me: Troy, I think you have a cool name... Troy Richardson sounds like a TV newscaster... has anybody ever said that to you?
Troy: Not that one. Someone had told me it sounds like a name for a "Simpson's" character though.
Me: Yeah, I can see that. So, where are you from?
Troy: Minneapolis, Minnesota. I went to Berklee College of Music and stayed in town after I graduated, so I lived in Boston for a while. I've been in Los Angeles for about 12 years now.
Me: Have you been a musician for long?
Troy: A really, really long time.
Me: I have to mention your band name... Love Like Suicide... that's a Garbage song. Man, I miss that band. Was your band name named after the Garbage song?
Troy: It was. Garbage is one of the vocalist Molly's favorite bands. It was named in tribute, I suppose.
Me: I have a "band" called Strawberry Blondes Forever... but if I had a band with a female singer I would name the band Rubbish. Hahaha. So, are you a big Garbage fan?
Troy: I am. I didn't personally name the band Love Like Suicide, but I like them a lot.
Me: Have you ever met Shirley Manson or Butch Vig?
Troy: I met Butch Vig very briefly at a party for The Smart Studios film opening. I've never met Shirley, unfortunately. Molly and the guitarist, Mor, both have met them a number of times.
Me: Is Garbage still playing?
Troy: Yes. They were just in L.A. not too long ago. They are still touring in support of the last album, I think.
Me: Alright, let's talk about your band... who is in the band with you, Troy?
Troy: Molly is the singer and Mor plays guitar. They should both get credit for programming and creating loops, too, as it's a big part of the band's sound. Blake is the drummer and I play bass.
Me: You have a hot female singer... which is always a good thing. Did you know her before the band was put together?
Troy: I didn't. I had been on tour with a guy from France who came to L.A. and put a band together. The day after I was back, I wanted to go back out. I looked around L.A. to find the best band looking for a bass player, and it was Love Like Suicide.
Me: Is this your first band, Troy?
Troy: Not by a long shot.
Me: You play bass in the band, but do you play guitar? How long have you been playing?
Troy: I started playing guitar when I was about 12 and picked up a bass about a year later. I played guitar and sang lead in band for a few months once, but I really am a bass player. I have a pedal board where a split my bass signal and half goes through a harmonizer and guitar effects, so part of what sounds like guitar with Love Like Suicide is my bass.
Me: Are you the main songwriter for the band?
Troy: I'm a co-writer on the new material that's coming out, along with the rest of the band. Molly wrote the older songs on her own.
Me: You have one single on iTunes right now called "Side Effects" but you have a new single and video out called "Burn." Will that song be put up on iTunes soon?
Troy: "Burn" is an older one. We're pretty excited about the new stuff, so releasing those songs is the priority.
Me: Ahhhh... well, the video for "Burn" just has Molly in it... whose choice was that?
Troy: Pretty much Molly's. Hahaha... But really, the narrative involves just one person. It was best with just her, otherwise we’d be forcing the other band members into the story like it was a video from the ‘80s. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some ‘80s. I don’t think it would have added much if I had a cameo as the mailman or anything. Haha.
Me: Where was the video filmed, Troy?
Me: Do you guys play a lot of shows in Los Angeles?
Troy: About once a month.
Me: So, with a few singles out are you guys gonna be working on an album?
Troy: We are releasing an EP very soon. Stay tuned.
Me: Do you prefer recording or playing live, Troy?
Troy: They're different and I enjoy both. I suppose I move less gear when I'm recording, so that's a plus. No two live shows are ever the same and there’s a crowd responding to the band’s energy, so that’s the great thing about that,
Me: Well, I really appreciate you being on the Phile... next time you see Desert tell her I said hello. Wanna plug your website or social media?
Troy: Yes, we're can be found at facebook.com/LLSband and YouTube at LoveLikeSuicideBand. The single is on Spotify and the EP will be there as well.
Me: I hope this was fun and you'll come back when the next release comes out. Take care and keep rocking.
Troy: This was great. I'd love to come back after the EP is out.
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Troy for a great interview. The Phile will be back on Saturday with singer Pontea. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker