Hey there, welcome to the Phile for a Sunday. It's still October, people, which means it's still Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Here's to the NFL for supporting the health of every woman not married to an NFL player. Okay, with that said, let's talk about how you can now buy a 70 mph adult version of the Little Tikes toy car. Most of us are familiar with the classic Little Tikes car, the red-and-yellow plastic vehicle that lets toddlers scoot around using Flintstones-style foot power. In what can only be a desperate effort to hold onto a lost childhood, Oxfordshire, U.K. brothers John and Geof Bitmead... I wonder if I went to school with them, have made a motorized, totally street-legal version of the car for adults. Because the only thing that's more fun than a toy is a toy that might someday need $5,000 in repairs. Unfortunately, the dream of using the car to raise money for charity (and to pay off the $46,000 cost of building the thing) never came true, so now the brothers are selling it for around $32,000. Yes, it's true! For double the cost of a sensible Honda Fit, you can buy a windowless, climate-uncontrolled Daewoo Matiz that will probably get constantly rear-ended because people are staring at it. Dreams: They do come true. According to the BBC, the Bitmead brothers have their eyes on a much more reasonable project next: an "Addams Family" camper van. Do you know who Christian evangelist Joel Osteen is? I don't, but he accidentally tweets advice on masturbating with friends.
Like I said, I have no idea who he is but his brand of saccharine self-help Christianity makes it really funny when he accidentally tells you that unlocking the true potential of your friendships is to rub one out together. Most criticisms of Osteen center around the "prosperity gospel," in which he and others claim Christ will make you rich for believing in Him. Obviously, because Jesus threw the moneychangers out of the temple to protest excess government regulation, and that whole multiplying-the-fish-and-the-bread thing was actually an allegory for compound interest. Anyway, J.C. wants you to give out hand jobs for money. Don't look at me like that, Joel Osteen said it. Justin Bieber caused a long, thick commotion in the news when nude pictures of him and his peeper emerged from a vacation in Bora Bora. Everyone in the world saw his penis, and everyone commented on it. Even his dad wrote a tweet about it. Bieber sat down with "Access Hollywood" to discuss his forthcoming album, life, and of course, those nude pictures. Here was his reaction to the paparazzi pictures seen 'round the world, "My first thing was like… how can they do this? Like, I feel super violated. Like, I feel like I can't step outside and feel like I can go outside naked. Like, you should feel comfortable in your own space… especially that far away." It is unfortunate that someone that famous can't even go to a remote island without being photographed. However, as for how they can do it, they use a long-range telephoto lens. Then they sell those images to the highest bidder. Then everyone sees your penis. And here's his reaction to that specific detail, "That was shrinkage for me." Normally that would be a fair thing to say when there's water involved, but the average temperature in Tahiti for the month of October is 84 degrees Fahrenheit. And it looked like there may have been a hot tub in those pictures. So while it still impressed everyone, we can safely assume there was no shrinkage involved. And if he's a "shower" instead of a "grower," then perhaps it's not all that impressive. We'll have to wait for that answer from the next set of naked pictures that get leaked. By the way, I like Justin, like I showed you a long time ago he's a Foghat fan...
This past week there was a big announcement from "Playboy" which came as a crushing blow to masturbators everywhere. "Playboy" will no longer publish nude photos as part of a complete redesign of the magazine. There will still be a Playmate of the Month, but she will pose provocatively with clothes on instead of in the buff. The overhaul reflects the reality of pornography in the digital age, where tasteful nudes are pretty tame compared to anything found on the web. Editorial changes will also include a sex advice column written by a female, and a focus on youth-oriented art and fashion. The shift is intended to make the magazine safe for work with PG-13 imagery. This follows the website dropping nudes last August, which resulted in increased traffic and younger readership. Cory Jones, the Chief Content Officer who oversaw the changes to the website, was put in charge of the magazine in July. Founder Hugh Hefner remains the magazine’s editor-in-chief. Several famous "Playboy" traditions like investigative journalism and in-depth interviews will remain in place. So will lists ranking the top party schools and sexiest cities. We'll see if it can survive the digital age, in which people watch absurd amounts of porn at work and will soon watch it in virtual reality. Moaning, heavy breathing, and screaming could be heard at a Target store in California on Wednesday, and unfortunately it wasn't coming from the cheap electronic ghosts in the Halloween aisle. Gina Young was shopping with her 3 year old twin boys when porn audio began blaring over the loudspeakers. “What is going on at Target right now?!” Young asks in a video she posted on Instagram of the incident. There was much confusion, especially among the small children who are too old to understand why everyone was suddenly reacting so strongly. "People offered to help me cover my twins' ears,” Young said. “Others threw their stuff down and walked out. Employees were running around everywhere. Picking and hanging up phones, which worked… for about two minutes before it started up again." The X-rated audio played for a full 15 minutes before anyone could figure out how to shut the smut show down for good. Typical Target, you go in for one thing and end up getting a bunch of stuff you didn't even want. Speaking of Target, someone took the name of the store a little too literally...
So close... By the way, I went to Target today and guess what I found? Slow Ride beer. I smell a law suit. Just kidding. I tried it and it's good. Tomorrow during the Giants game they are gonna be showing a brand new trailer for the new Star Wars movie! The Giants and Star Wars... man, life couldn't get any better. Anyway, here on the Phile I have an exclusive screen shot of the new trailer.
I think Disney is taking this synergy thing a little too far. A lot of magazines show you pictures of celebrities without their make-up, so I thought what the hell, I should do the same thing.
Okay, like I said it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month and I have been showing you some powerful and clever breast cancer awareness ads. So, check it out...
Pretty damn clever if you ask me. Alright, and now from the home office in Port Jefferson, New York, here is...
Top Phive Reasons Why "Playboy" Dropped Nudity
5. Hugh Hefner is 89 years old. The only pictures that get him excited these days are of soup.
4. Their editors saw the writing on the wall and predicted that sometime in the near future, people may use the Internet to look at naked women.
3. People kept telling them, "I just read it for the articles," and they didn't realize it was a joke.
2. The magazine will now get better placement in the country's six remaining newsstands.
And the number one reason why "Playboy' dropped nudity...
1. They felt it was finally time to pass the baton to "Swank," "Juggs" and "Bootylicious."
Haha. I apologize. Phyllis is probably thinking what the hell kinda blog is this. It's a blog that does good. So, I don't know if you know but the Phild reaches out to a lot of people. A Phile reader want to come on and reach out to my readers on something that is very important. I said why not, and thought I'll create a new pheature and call it...
Hey, I've been to that Friday's. Anyway, let's get serious. Please welcome to the Phile... Cally Houck.
An unrepaired, recalled Chrysler rental car killed both of my beautiful, talented, treasured daughters, Raechel and Jacqueline. Chrysler issued a safety recall notice about 30 days before they rented it, but the rental company never bothered to get the free repairs done first. Federal law prohibits car dealers from selling recalled new cars, but there is no similar law to stop rental car companies from renting dangerous recalled cars. And now that Congress is finally close to passing a bill that would change that, key members of Congress need to hear from everyone who cares about rental car safety. Raechel and Jackie were just 24 and 20, full of life, and devoted to making the world a better place. They were on their way back home from visiting their father, younger brother, and me when the Chrysler PT Cruiser they rented caught fire. It had been recalled for a defective steering component prone to leaking, causing an underhood fire and loss of steering. The car veered across the median and crashed head-on into a tractor trailer. The big rig drivers and other witnesses said the car was on fire before the crash. Some auto manufacturers and car dealers are aggressively lobbying to block this bill, named after Raechel and Jackie, that would make it a violation of federal law for a rental car company to rent or sell recalled cars with lethal safety defects, until the defects have been repaired. They have the ear of Congressman Fred Upton, the powerful Chair of the U.S. House Energy and Commerce Committee, which may decide its fate. Eventually, the rental car company admitted 100% liability for their deaths, and years later, they also apologized to me. They’re even working with me to pass The Raechel and Jacqueline Houck Safe Rental Car Act, which has passed in the Senate with bipartisan support. The House will vote soon as part of the transportation bill being debated this very moment. And while the rental car companies and auto manufacturers like GM and Honda support this bill, other auto manufacturers and dealers are fighting against it. Everyone who rents a car deserves one that is safe, and free from known lethal safety defects. Nothing can replace my daughters, but together we can keep other families from suffering such a needless, horrendous loss. Please, join me in calling on Congressman Fred Upton to support Raechel and Jackie’s bill, before someone else is seriously injured or killed.
Man alive. Thanks, Cally. Please go to raecheljackiefoundation.org/cally-houck for more info.
The 40th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...
The author Gary Gerani will be a guest on the Phile in a few weeks. Okay, so, it's fall, and I am showing you some snack hacks you can make in the fall with a pheature called...
Using the lid of your yogurt container as a spoon.
This is way more efficient than performing cunnilingus on your yogurt cup.
Today's pheatured guest is a Canadian folk singer whose album "Dreams of the Washerwomen" is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Phyllis Sinclair.
Me: Hello, Phyllis, how are you? Welcome to the Phile.
Phyllis: Hello, Jay.
Me: In the years I have been doing interviews I interviewed a lot of Canadians, but you are the first Aboriginal Cree Canadian I interviewed, and I don't know what that is. Are you part of a tribe?
Phyllis: Yes. I am part of an Indian tribe called the Cree. In Canada, we say we refer to North American Indian Peoples as First Nations Peoples or Aboriginal. The first title being the most common.
Me: What is the Cree?
Phyllis: Cree is the largest First Nations Tribe in Canada. We span an area from Quebec to Eastern British Columbia. There are many Cree dialects. I am Swampy Cree. The Swampy Cree live in Northern Manitoba.
Me: Sorry, I could be an idiot sometimes. Where about Canada are you from?
Phyllis: I was born in Churchill, Manitoba which is on the west coast of the Hudson Bay. Manitoba is the middle province in Canada. It is part of the three prairie provinces. Churchill is the polar bear capital of the world. It is north of the 58th parallel.
Me: Okay. I asked every Canadian I interviewed practically if they are fans of one of my favorite all-time bands who are also Canadian... Barenaked Ladies. Are you a fan of said band?
Phyllis: The Barenaked Ladies are definitely one of my favorite bands. They carve their own path... don't try to sound like anyone else. They stand alone. Not always easy music business.
Me: Your grandmother and mother were single parents, right? Do you have children? You're not a single mother, are you?
Phyllis: Yes. My grandmother was widowed very early and raised nine kids. She never remarried. My mother was a single mother. I have three children (two surviving). I am married, and not a single mother. I watched my daughter struggle as single parent, raising three small children after a breakup. I felt for her.
Me: Wow, I am sorry to hear that. You were a radio host before, right? What kinda station were you on? Do you still do radio work?
Phyllis: Yes. I worked in radio current affairs for our national public broadcaster, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. I was a morning show co-host for a radio current affairs show called "Daybreak," in Northern British Columbia. I no longer work in radio. I left the CBC to work on my MBA, which I have since attained.
Me: You have three albums out, and the last one "Dreams of a Washerwomen" I downloaded from iTunes. How long have you been writing music and performing?
Phyllis: I've been writing since I was a teen, but I never wrote seriously. I suppose you could call it recreationally. My Cree tradition is a story telling tradition with a lot of imagery. This has always been my style of writing. I didn't think, during my youth, that anyone would be interested in that style of writing. I've performed since my teens as well, singing in coffee houses, and church. I started writing seriously when I began to hear other songwriters like David Francey, James Keelaghan. Only then did I realize that people might be interested in this style of writing. I've been writing for years... too long to remember, but only seriously in the last 12 years or so.
Me: One of your songs on the album is called "Another Single Day." Is that about being a single mother?
Phyllis: Yes. I read a statistic last year that said that children from single parent families were at an increased risk for social, academic and emotional problems. I wanted the parents to know that this stat is not a prophecy. There are those children that go stray in any family situation. Many single parent children do just fine, and many... feeling they have something to prove... do very well. Being a single parent is not easy. It's lonely and tiring. I watched my mom and daughter struggle trying to balance their parental responsibilities and self care. It's a tight rope walk at times.
Me: What is a washerwomen, Phyllis?
Phyllis: A washerwoman is a woman who washes clothes for a living. It was common during the early part of the century and the Great Depression. It was an actual occupation. For the most part the washing and pressing was all done manually. My grandmother washed clothes to earn a living. When she took ill suddenly and was sent to a city hospital, my mother quit school to take over her duties, fearing my grandmother would lose her clients. My mother was in eighth grade. Later on when the military set up a base in Churchill, my mom and grandmother were both hired to work in the military industrial laundry facility.....they called it the Laundry Plant. Their employee card showed their work title as Laundress. My grandmother worked there to her retirement.
Me: You have one a Canadian Aboriginal Music Award, am I right? I didn't know there was such a thing. What did you win?
Phyllis: No. I was nominated for Best Folk Acoustic Album by the CAMA, but alas I didn't win. But, I gained a lot with the nomination.
Me: Oh, again I'm an idiot. Phyllis, are you already planning on a new album?
Phyllis: My wheels are always turning, and I am already thinking about the next album. I'm not sure which direction I will take this album, but it will certainly have soft social content. Somehow I hear a lot more percussion on this one, with more up tempos.
Me: Does it take you awhile to write songs?
Phyllis: It depends. I generally have a subject burning in my mind for months. Sometimes it comes together easily. Other times I labour over it. "Main Street" took me months to write. But, it is one of my favorite songs since its a song that give purpose to struggle... if we are willing to see, and gain from it... struggle, that is!!
Me: Thanks so much for being on the Phile. I hope you come back, and thought this was fun. Do you have a website you wanna plug?
Phyllis: Thanks... yes... it was fun. Please check out my website at phyllissinclair.com.
Me: Thanks again, and take care.
Phyliss: My pleasure. Anytime!! Thank you. I appreciate your candidness, and am glad you asked the questions.
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Cally Houck... I wish her a lot of luck, and Phyllis Sinclair. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Phile Alum Lee Negin. So, spread the word not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker