Hello, welcome to the Phile. Happy Mother's Day! Happy Mother's Day to the iPad that is raising your children. All moms gave birth to a child. Except my mom, she gave birth to a legend. Haha. Yeah, right. It's not easy being a mother... if it were easy, fathers would do it. Alright, there's other stuff that's going on in the news right now. U.K. Prime Minister David Cameron and his merry band of Conservatives successfully managed to get their rivals in the Labor Party into checkmate, thus forcing them into the River Thames where they shall remain until a hero rises who can pull the sword Excalibur out from Big Ben. Or, at least, that how I understand British politics to work. At any rate, Cameron was re-elected. And I'm from England. A woman is suing United Airlines for $5 million after the DirecTV and wifi access for which she paid $8 failed to work during her four hour flight from Puerto Rico to Newark, N.J. The airline company sold her the service, knowing full well that neither works outside the continental United States or over water. In a statement, United Airlines explained that "we clearly inform our passengers in writing on the screen before they confirm their purchase." Apparently, while the DirecTV and wifi are unavailable, the money-taking technology functions just fine. Imagine trying to explain the statement "the wifi in this airplane blows" to someone from the 19th century. Cleary Wolters... the real-life woman upon whom Laura Prepon's "Orange Is the New Black" character Alex Vause is based is releasing her own memoir in response to the one written by Piper Kerman (upon whom Taylor Schilling's Piper Chapman is based). “I wanted to correct the concept that I was singularly responsible for Piper's downfall,” Wolters explained in an interview with "People." Will this book spawn a cultural phenomenon as big as "Orange Is the New Black"? We'll just have to wait and see. Lindsay Lohan has, to date, only completed 10 of the 125 hours of community service she was ordered to complete after being convicted of, and given probation for, reckless driving several years ago. But don't worry. Lohan still has until May 28th to complete the remaining 115 hours and avoid spending a year and a half in jail. That's totally doable for somebody with her work ethic. Why can't Lindsay Lohan count her stage performances as community service? I'm sure they weren't that different than her time at the morgue. The new issue of "Entertainment Weekly" features a cover story on Quentin Tarantino's highly anticipated new western film, The Hateful Eight, along with a bunch of onset pictures of Tarantino and his all-star cast. I have to say, the film looks considerably less cheerful and whimsical than I was expecting. In the same week we saw "SNL" parody what a female superhero movie made by Hollywood would probably look like, and the same week we read a Marvel executive explain why female superhero entertainment sucks, CBS had the gall to officially greenlight "Supergirl", a TV show that will be great but please no one. Melissa Benoist, an actress from "Glee" (where a group of misfit students find out their shared superpower is harmony), will play the title role of Supergirl. It is a role, much like hosting the Oscars, that is great and terrible for a person's career in entertainment. I can't wait to see Melissa's reaction to the fans at conventions doing a hover-hand over her shoulder while asking why she didn't spend any time in space near the site of what was once the planet Krypton to prepare for the role. Anyway, big congratulations to everyone involved. Can't wait to watch it. It's Mother's Day as you know, and I saw a very unusual Mother's Day ad that I just thought wasn't right.
You've ruined everything else in her life. Why not make masturbation weird for her too? A business had this sign put up in front for Mother's Day.
You ever see those flyers on trees and telephone poles for missing dogs, cats, or things that soeone is trying to sell where you rip off the bottom for the phone number? Do you know what I'm talking about? Well, someone posted this and I think they were a little bit confused.
See what I mean? See you see Sony's new ad?
Man, that os one not so timely joke. Haha. I had that saved in my iPhoto file for about a month and forgot about it. Moving on... And now for some sad news...
Jim Wright
December 22nd, 1922 — May 6th, 2015
Served 34 years in the House and as Speaker for 2 of those. A distinguished service record... assuming you don't count the time he beat an aide with a hammer, stabbed her with a steak knife, slashed her throat, and then put her in his car and went to see a movie. But hey, everyone makes mistakes, right?
This one is kinda hard. If you spot the Mindphuck please let me know. Before we continue, I have to mention something. Seeing this limited edition "Premium" Starbucks gift card almost makes me incredibly angry.
The idea that Starbucks thinks we're so stupid that we would buy $50 worth of Frappuccino at an insane 400% mark-up makes me want to throw my desk out the window... until I remember that we actually are that stupid. The very fact that they're selling this makes me think that they ran the numbers and figured out just how many imbeciles they can trick into handing a metal and ceramic (metal and ceramic?!) gift card to their mothers next month. In a perverse way, Starbucks kind of has to sell a $50 gift certificate for $200. If they know that they can fleece an easy $147 (let's assume the card itself is worth $3 in materials... that's a generous assumption) from their dumber patrons, aren't they kind of obligated to do so? If people want to give you money for no good reason, it would be anti-capitalist to rebuke them. The thing is, we're not used to seeing consumerism in such a pure form. We always buy products for waaaaay more than their actual value. (Go to any nerd convention and watch otherwise intelligent people trading hundreds of dollars for mass-produced pieces of plastic garbage.) Usually, it's just a little covert than this. Anyway, if you want to buy your own beloved mother a Limited-Edition Mother's Day Premium Starbucks Card, act now while supplies last! Okay, so, a friend of the Phile wants to give his thoughts on Mother's Day. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. You know what time it is...
If you are fortunate enough to have had a good mother, one who cares, worries, loves... If you are fortunate enough to have had a mother with which you have ANY kind of relationship with and respect for... embrace this and show her love. Whether she is still among us or not. I have no understanding of this feeling of love (given or received) from my mother. She was an absolute horror show of both a mother and a human being. A reprehensible example of all that is wrong with the female of the species. I know nothing of good memories in regards to the time spent with this woman. She was a terrible daughter, wife, mother and grandmother. She had every opportunity to display decent human qualities and failed miserably. I feel nothing for her but sadness and contempt. I owe her nothing more than nine months rent for her womb... and a thank you for not having me aborted as she had planned. Happy Mother's Day to one and all... now, stop getting all misty eyed over this, wipe your tears and fucking call your mother!
Me: Hello, Dom, welcome to the Phile. So, how are you?
Dom: Good, how are you?
Me: Apart from coughing and having a runny nose and watering eyes I am okay. I wasn't sure to call you Dom or Dominic. You don't reveal your last name, right? Any particular reason, my friend?
Dom: Sorting out some debts, makes it a lil harder for collection agencies and people I've screwed in the past to track me down and take the lil money I get for wat I'm doing.
Me: Ummm... okay. So, I billed you as Dom From Dom. I have to say, you guys are gonna be HUGE! How long have you guys been a band, Dom?
Dom: Started the band in January 2010... we're a young band.
Me: Who is in the band with you?
Dom: Cosmo... guitar, Bobby... drums, Erik... bass.
Me: I am guessing as the band name is named after you, you are the founder of the band, am I right?
Dom: Si. I write the songs.
Me: Before you named the band Dom, did you guys or did you have any other names planned?
Dom: Naw, didn't have time. It was the name on the Myspace when the buzzing began.
Me: I downloaded your EP "Sun Bronzed Greek Gods" from iTunes and really liked it. That's your first release, am I right?
Dom: Yes.
Me: And I also downloaded your first EP "Sun Bronzed Greek Gods"... I have to ask you about the EP cover. I have to show it here...
Me: It's a cat, which has nothing to do with a Greek God, bronzed or not bronzed. I am confused. What's the deal?
Dom: That's my kitty, Bochicha. He's a great dude.
Me: That CD was recorded in an unusual area, right, not in a recording studio. Tell the readers where it was recorded. Why was it recorded there?
Dom: It was recorded in Erik's apartment because we couldn't afford a studio.
Me: You guys played SXSW... Did you have a good time playing there, and meet a lot of cool people?
Dom: Yes!!! SX was rad played 11 shows didn't have time to see our favs but got to hang with a lot of really awesome peeps.
Me: You kids have been compared to the band MGMT. Are you fans of theirs, Dom? What kinda music did you grow up listening to, man?
Dom: I think any band with synths gets compared to that band because people don't listen to stuff thats not on MTV. Grew up listening to pop music... Mariah Carey, Madonna, Ace Of Base, country... Willy and Waylon, Alan Jackson, all sorts of stuff.
Me: I noticed you have been releasing some acoustic tracks, Dom. Do you prefer doing the acoustic stuff or plugged in stuff?
Dom: PLUGGED INNNNN.
Me: Your music were originally released on vinyl, which some hip bands have been doing lately. Do you think vinyl is making a comeback? Do you own a record player?
Dom: Yeah, it is cuz they're fun to collect, the artwork is larger, the vinyl itself is usually fun in different colors, etc. Got a 3 sided vinyl out for record store day with a new joint. Something you can't get digitally.
Me: Dom, thanks so much for being on the Phile. Looking forward to your next release, man. Will you come back here when your album comes out?
Dom: Yeah, sure no problem.
Me: Take care, and go plug your website, man. All the best!
Dom: Facebook.com/DomRLRT?fref=ts, indiemerch.com/dom.
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to my guests Laird Jim and Dom. The Phile will be back tomorrow with Phile Alum John Bentley. Spread the word, or not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. Have a wonderful Mother's Day... what's left of it.
Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker
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