Hello, everybody, welcome back to the Phile for a Saturday. How are you? Let's start off with a story about a guy who is clearly a guilty suspect found guilty of the crime we all know he did. Dzhokhar Tsarnaev was found guilty of conspiracy to use a weapon of mass destruction, a charge that could result in the death penalty. His lawyers argued that his role in the Boston Marathon bombing in 2013 only took place because his older brother coerced him. It must have been a jury of moms because that excuse never worked when I was growing up. Justice = served. According to a source close to Hillary Clinton, the former senator and Secretary of State is planning to make a mysterious major career announcement tomorrow. Pundits and journalists nationwide are currently wracking their brains in an effort to figure out what it could possible be. Oh, this just in... Hillary Clinton announces she's abandoning plans to run for president after being "really impressed with Rand Paul." A 30 year old Russian man with a terminal muscle wasting disease will be the first person to undergo a controversial head transplant from Italian mad-scientist surgeon Sergio Canavero. “Am I afraid? Yes, of course I am,” Valery Spiridonov told The Daily Mail. “It is not just very scary, but also very interesting... you have to understand that I don't really have many choices." After careful inspection of the 18th Century manuscript "Double Falsehood" with text-analyzing software, a team of researchers from the University of Texas at Austin have determined that it was in fact authored by iconic playwright William Shakespeare. Approximately 372 film adaptations were immediately put into pre-production, and an infinite number of theater companies added it to next season's schedule. The entire 13 episode first season of Marvel's new "Daredevil" series was released by Netflix yesterday to overwhelmingly positive reviews and major Internet buzz. So, in other words, don't expect to see your nerdier friends for a few days. An Indigogo page created to support Michael T. Slager... the South Carolina police officer who was caught on tape shooting an unarmed, fleeing black man before planting a taser on his lifeless body has managed to raise nearly $400 from 20 people in its first day of activity, despite (or, perhaps, because of) the obviousness of Slager's guilt. A similar page from deleted from GoFundMe. About three or four more will likely have popped up on various crowdsourcing sites by the time you're finished reading this entry. No wait, don't shut down those fundraisers for Officer Slager, it'd be great to know the names of all the gunhappy dickjags who walk among us. David Miscavige, the head of the Church of Scientology, has been accused of paying private investigators $10K a week to follow his elderly father around and make sure he didn't divulge damaging information about the church to the media. That's probably the nicest thing he's been accused of in years. Well, summer is just around the corner and it's getting bloody hot... so if you want to cool down I recommend you get a penis slide. You don't know what that is? Let me show you.
Yep, that is real, people. There's a brand new postage stamp honoring poet Maya Angelou featuring her face and a suitably poetic quote. However, of those two things, only one of them actually belongs to Angelou. Did you see it?
I love that quote. Haha. The new Avengers movie is doing out in a few weeks and... spoiler... Batman is apparently in it if the new toy line is telling the truth.
I was at the store the other day and looking through the book section and there was one book I saw that I never knew existed written by Roald Dahl.
I didn't know about that Willy Wonka sequel. As you know I live in Florida and there's lots of stuff that happens in Florida and nowhere else. That's why I have this pheature called...
Hey, you know what's cool? Big cats. You know what else is cool? Sharks. So by my math, the coolest thing that could happen is a big cat pulling a shark out of the motherfucking ocean. In Vero Beach, Florida this week, not only did that happen, but vacationer/luckiest man alive John Bailey managed to snap this photo.
Some have wondered if the image is a fake, because we're all jaded enough to assume that if something is awesome, it's probably not real. But according to Florida news station WESH, fish and wildlife officials "said that this is normal behavior for a predatory cat." If the Discovery Channel hasn't already bought the rights to Bailey's story and photo in order to make a TV movie for Shark Week, somebody at that network should be fired. Also, Discovery, I'd like to offer myself as a screenwriter for the film. It'll be the tale of a bobcat and shark that were once unlikely childhood friends, but lost touch... only to be unexpectedly reunited when one tries to eat the other. I call it Guess Who's Getting Caught for Dinner. It's a guaranteed hit! Guaranteed hit not guaranteed.
If you spot the Mindphuck let me know. Alright, guess what time it is. He's a singer, patriot and renaissance man. It's...
So... that little cunt was found guilty in the Boston Marathon bombing. Good... Now we wait and see if he gets ass fucked in a Fed lock down for the rest of his pathetic life. Or he gets the hot needle and the long sleep. Better... or they could give him to me and a few of my old associates to play with for a few years. I like that idea best. I give up... Sitting in front of the Sudz N Stuff, waiting on my laundry I noticed a fairly new Mercedes pulling into the lot... all crooked... ground effects all banged up... rims dented... side walls scraped. The driver was this little Paris Hilton clone (sweetie, that look faded out fifteen years ago). She bounces into a spot right in front of the liquor store and hits the mailbox up against the front wall of the establishment. Parked all fotched and engine sputtering, she gets out and rushes through the front door (tight body, nice ass). As I listened to the sounds of Kanye West emanate from her busted up luxury hooptie, I waited for her to exit... BUT... backed my truck up so as to block her entry side with my driver's side. She bounces out and walks to her car only to see me parked too close... she snips, "You wanna move? I got places to be!" I responded with, "Yeah, like a hotel with that bottle and your married boyfriend. Then a drunken drive of shame at 3 AM with tears in your eyes. Then a date with a guardrail on the Southern State parkway. Then a ride in an ambulance cuffed to the gurney. Then either a coma, jail or the morgue. Have fun... run along... drink up." HEY... she annoyed me... and I hate doing laundry.
Ha. he said the 'c' word. Good job, Laird. Alright, the 37th book to be pheatured in the Phile's Book Club is...
The author, Rich Bernatovech, will be a guest on the Phile next Monday.
Okay, today's pheatured guest is a Phile Alum whose latest single "Lose Control" is available on iTunes. Please welcome back to the Phile... Holly Elle.
Me: Holly! Welcome back to the Phile. How have you been?
Holly: I’ve been fantastic thanks, I’m so glad to be back!
Me: Since you were here last you had a few singles out and a video for the song "Seeing Red." You have been very busy, haven't you?
Holly: Yep, I’ve been a busy bee. When you’re an independent artist sometimes you’re not sure where to put your energy next, so mostly I focus on continuing to make and release good music as often as possible. In fact, I have a new single coming out soon called “Mirage.”
Me: I have to talk about that "Seeing Red" video, it's a spoof on Quentin Tarantino movies. Did you come up with the concept or did someone else?
Holly: It was a joint effort. I got together with a director here in Nashville named Greg Welsch just to see if we might work together in the future, I wasn’t even planning on making a video right then. He had heard the "Leopardess" EP, loved “Seeing Red,” and we met at a Panera to discuss. Before we knew it we were bursting with excitement and ideas that were flowing like wildfire, laughing and yelling out, people in the place must have thought we were nuts.
Me: Is that storyline based on something that happened to you, Holly?
Holly: I always say there are 3 types of songs: The true story, the completely made-up story, and then there’s the combination of the two. Most often my songs are a compilation of bits and pieces of things that happened to me, or to someone I know, and then you take artistic license to craft a song that will be universal. See how I divert? Very clever.
Me: Tell the readers what the premise of the video is. And was that your real life boyfriend?
Holly: The premise of the video is a woman who catches her man cheating and launches into a full on revenge fantasy of all the ways she’d like to punish him. The lead actor was selected for maximum hotness factor through a modeling agency here in Nashville. All of your personal questions will be shot down like missiles, pew, pew, pew!
Me: Okay, fair enough. You need to film your next video here in Florida so I can play the lead. Hahaha. Just kidding... or am I?
Holly: Hey, stranger things have happened, you never know. We might have to work on a concept.
Me: Are you a fan of Tarantino movies? Which one is your favorite?
Holly: I’m not like a die-hard fan, but yeah I like his movies. I like that they’re different, uniquely him, and they’re outside the box. Hmm... I’d need to watch them all again to figure out a favorite. But I did just find out he wrote True Romance, which I remember liking a lot.
Me: The video looked like it was a lot of fun to make. Was it?
Holly: It was insanely fun to make. I loved every second of it. It was the first time I got to film a video that was more like making a movie.
Me: I have to show a screen shot from it.
Me: Do you like acting in videos, Holly?
Holly: I didn’t really until I made this video. Like I said, we had scenes and a storyline, it was more like making a movie, and I really enjoyed that. I could see that as something I’d like to do of more in the future now.
Me: You're from Canada originally but live in Nashville. How do you like living there?
Holly: I absolutely love it. Nashville was made for me. I feel so at home here.
Me: What part of Nashville do you live in?
Holly: I live in an area called 12 South. I might be biased, but it’s the best area in the city.
Me: Your music I think I mentioned before is not the typical Nashville sound, meaning it's not country. Your music is very dance and pop. Is that your favorite genre?
Holly: I would say my favorite genre is pop, yes. But my definition of pop is: mainstream Top 40 music that everybody loves. That can encompass music from other “genres” as well. I like catchy music and music that moves you.
Me: What recent music do you listen to, Holly?
Holly: Lately, I’ve been listening to Pandora. Usually the Today’s Hip Hop and Pop Hits station. I don’t download unless it’s a must-have. My most recent downloads were D’Angelo, Sam Smith, Nicki Minaj and Kendrick Lamar.
Me: I love that Taylor Swift song "Shake It Off." I can picture you performing that song for some reason. Anyway, do you play covers in your shows?
Holly: Everybody loves that song. Why? Because it’s a well-crafted pop song. Otherwise known as Max Martin caressing your ears. It depends on the show but yes, usually I like to throw in at least one or two covers. I’m not a well-known artist yet, so when people come to my shows, I understand that it would be nice for them to hear something they know, I would want that as an audience member too. Give the people what they want!
Me: Do you have a band you perform with on stage?
Holly: I have a go to guitar player who is always my first call. The best guitar player in Nashville, ladies and gentlemen: DJ Phillips! If I need a full band for a show I hire them, I can also do a show with tracks, or just acoustic guitar or anything in between.
Me: I have to mention your mantra... No labels, no rules, no limits. The Phile has the same mantra. Haha. I'm just kidding. When and how did you come up with that?
Holly: You better not have that mantra I don’t want to have to sic my lawyers on you. Who remembers these things really? I’ve been saying and eluding to such things for years. I just like to feel free, and it has a nice ring to it huh? But if I need to prove it in court I can come up with a story...
Me: So, you are pretty much saying you will do as you please, am I right?
Holly: This is correct. Next question.
Me: I have to congratulate you for being in the Hot 100 List in the magazine Music Connection. What was the list and what number were you?
Holly: It was a list of their hot 100 unsigned live artists and bands. It was in alphabetical order, luckily they didn’t number label me. Back to no labels, no rules, no limits... that’s really about not letting people put you in a box, being open-minded, and knowing that you can do anything, it’s about positivity man. Okay, I’m done preaching.
Me: That must of been a big deal for you, am I right?
Holly: I think it was the first time I got to see my name in print in a real life magazine. So yeah, when you’re a kid in your room with a hairbrush microphone, these are the things you dream of.
Me: I don't think I mentioned this to you before but you have a tattoo on your wrist. What does it say?
Holly: It says “Cantabile." In classical music if you are about to play a piece, there will be a direction written at the beginning in Italian, telling you how to play it. If you saw “cantabile” it would be telling you to do it like you’re singing. Which is how I want to live my life.
Me: That's original. Is that your only tattoo?
Me: No, I have a few others...
Me: Oh, shit, I haven't even mentioned your new single yet "Lose Control." Will you be making a video for that song, Holly?
Holly: At this point I don’t have plans to make a video for it, but anything could happen. Right now I’m focused on the release of the next single.
Me: Is that a standalone single or will it be on an upcoming EP or album?
Holly: It’s standalone. I decided recently to release singles for a while. So I’ve had "Lifeline", the current single “Lose Control”, and the upcoming single “Mirage."
Me: And are those your lips on the cover?
Holly: Those are my lips... LOL. Everyone asks that. Who else’s lips would they be? Maybe I need to start an urban legend about who they belong to. Let’s decide now, who do you want it to be? Start a rumor.
Me: They're mine. Haha. So, what's next for you? Are you in the studio working on any new stuff?
Holly: I’m always working on new stuff. I plan on getting in the studio again this summer. Exciting things to come.
Me: You have a great singing voice. I can see you singing torchlight kinda songs. Did you ever think about that?
Holly: Thank you so much. I’m always open to anything, yes I could totally see that.
Me: Okay, so, on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopic as I think you know. Ready? This is dumb. What's the funniest thing you've seen in the lunchroom? Okay, change the lunchroom to a club. What's the funniest thing you've seen in a club?
Holly: I love the randomness. Yes, thank you because I can’t remember the lunchroom. I would have to say a fully nude little old man holding a pina colada. I am not making that up.
Me: Haha. Holly, thanks for being back on the Phile. It's always good to have you here. By the way, when I first interviewed you I told you your EP should be called "Holy Hell." Still waiting for that to happen. Haha. Mention your website, Holly.
Holly: I’ve still go that one in my back pocket. Don’t worry, there are many projects to come, when the moment is right, it’ll happen. HearHolly.com!!!!!
Me: Take care and please come back on the Phile again soon.
Holly: Thanks, I always enjoy it, can’t wait to come back!
That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Laird Jim and Holly Elle. The Phile will be back on Monday with young country singer Rick Eliott as I'll be at MegaCon tomorrow. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.
Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker