Thursday, November 6, 2014

Pheaturing Terra Lightfoot From Dinner Belles

Hello, good evening, and welcome to a Thursday entry of the Phile. It's late today I know. I had to work this morning, so this is a late entry. But that's okay. There's gonna be an entry tomorrow as well and that's gonna be late in the afternoon as well.  So, did you vote on Tuesday? While the midterm elections might have seemed like a complete and utter disaster for Democrats, it may have been only a mostly complete and utter disaster for the party. A careful (and optimistic) analysis of Tuesday's data reveals that the GOP's crushing victory and Senate takeover somehow or other helps Hillary Clinton's presidential chances in 2016, according to a columnist from Yahoo! News. Meanwhile, Chris Christie... the head of the Republican Governors' Association and the least-silly person likely to enter the Republican primary saw his fortunes bolstered as well, as Republicans won a whole slew of new gubernatorial spots. The question of which candidate will oppose Clinton's re-election in 2020 remains an open question. Chris Christie says out loud what we're all thinking... just before we think of something much smarter to say.  The Marvel Studios wing of Disney... the greatest company to work for ever... is attempting to acquire a subpoena for Google in the hopes of learning the IP address of the person who uploaded the trailer for Avengers: Age of Ultron to YouTube several days before it was supposed to premiere during "Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. " Obviously, The X-Men's Charles Xavier could easily find the identity of the criminal with super psychic mutant skills, but his character is unfortunately under license to Sony Entertainment.  The deepest, darkest sexual fantasies of most people are really not all that deep or dark, according to a new study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. When researchers asked 1,516 people to reveal the contents of their erotic imaginations, the results turned out to be kind of a snoozefest, with the vast majority admitting to dreams of relatively boring junk like three-ways, oral sex and some light spanking. There were a few people who admitted to fantasizing about crazy stuff, like sex with animals, but that was less than 3 percent. What a disappointment. “It's all fun and games until nobody gets hurt”  said BDSM party buzzkill. Haha.  How much would you pay for a painting of a woman in an old timey dress holding a frilly umbrella? $10? $50? Well, somebody paid $65 million for this one called Le Printemps. It's not even new. It was painted way back in 1881 by some French dude named Édouard Manet. Talk about a ripoff. I have a picture of it here if you didn't see it.

Haha. My least favorite impressionists Édouard Manet, Rich Little and Imitation Crab. Hahaha. I'm cracking my ass up.  According to a groundbreaking new study from the journal Psychological Science, you should just shut up already about your dumb vacation that nobody wants to hear anything about. Researchers found that most people would rather talk about any mundane thing that at least concerned them to some small degree than your "amazing" and "transcendent" time spent on some goddamned "breathtaking" tropical beach somewhere. So just shut your face and be miserable with the rest of us. You know, another good name for Instagram could be Everyone's Always On Vacation Apparently?  So, did you guys hear this whole AC/DC story? What sucks is that "Murder for Hire" would be a fantastic name for an AC/DC album. But that's highly unlikely now that the band's longtime drummer Phil Rudd has been arrested in New Zealand for attempting to hire a hitman to murder two people. The identity of the two men Rudd wanted killed hasn't been released. He entered no plea to the charges before being released on bail, with the condition that he not have any contact with anyone involved in the plot, no doubt a relief to the guys he wanted murdered. Rudd played with AC/DC from 1975 to 1983 before being kicked out. He then rejoined the band in 1994, and was with them when they were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. If you're wondering how a member of one of the biggest-selling bands in music history could get involved with something like this, you should know he was also charged with possession of methamphetamine and weed. And considering he's a member of AC/DC, it's safe to assume that booze may have played a role. The drummer was noticeably absent from a recent AC/DC publicity photo, which fueled speculation that he'd been booted from the band. Combine losing one of the best gigs in rock with meth, and you could almost see how a guy might get murder on the brain. AC/DC released a statement on their website: "We've only become aware of Phil's arrest as the news was breaking. We have no further comment. Phil’s absence will not affect the release of our new album "Rock or Bust" and upcoming tour next year." That says a lot about the band's longevity. In a statement about their drummer being charged in a murder-for-hire plot, they still work in a plug for the new album and tour. Total pros.  So, I mentioned the midterm vote earlier. Some polling stations were handing out some pretty odd stickers, no the usual I Voted ones. Check it out...

Here's a question for you kids. Why do emergency rooms exist? Here's why...

Three words... What. The. Fuck.  I have to show you this, this made me laugh. Did you see the cover of the New York Post on Wednesday?

That's pretty fun no matter which side you're on.  So, do you kids watch "The Big Bang Theory"? So many people said I would like it but I don't know... then I saw this...

So, maybe I will watch it now.  Alright, so, you know I live here in Florida, right. Well, some crazy stories come out from here so that's why I started a little pheature called...

Fort Lauderdale, Florida, is a beautiful beach town where the nation's drunken, property-destroying, entitled Spring Breakers are welcomed with open arms every year to puke all over the white sand beaches, and where 90 year old men who make it their mission to feed the homeless are removed by police, given citations (potentially costing $500 apiece) and possible jail time (90 days), and forcibly stopped from distributing food to the hungry. Twice in one week.  That's what happened to Arnold Abbot, a nonagenarian activist... and WWII vet, who has been feeding the homeless on the city's beaches for almost 25 years. He was arrested first on Monday alongside two church ministers, all part of a radical group Abbot founded called Love Thy Neighbor, which exists to feed the hungry. Apparently, an officer literally walked up and ordered him to "drop that plate." One of the pastors, Rev. Dwayne Black, explained Love Thy Neighbor's extreme agenda to the Broward Palm Beach New Times, "I don't think the city has a right to tell us we can't feed the homeless," said Rev. Black. "This is breaking my Christian vows." Someone control that mad dog!  This is separate from the arrest of eight members of a group called Food Not Bombs, who were sitting in a lobby hoping to meet with the executive director of Ft. Lauderdale's Downtown Development Authority about the ordinances. The director, Chris Wren, was not there at the time but claims members of the group threatened his assistant. Unsurprisingly, the members tell another story.  See, Fort Lauderdale has a problem... it's warm and sunny there. Many Floridians see this as a big issue, because Americans who have fallen on hard times often avoid freezing to death in the winter by heading south, completely disregarding the fact that Fort Lauderdale residents don't want to look at them.  Undeterred by the continued alive-ness of the homeless, Fort Lauderdale has tried many tactics, including seizing any private property that's been in public for more than 24 hours and issuing very harsh penalties for public urination. Many people argued that adding public restrooms would be a better solution, but they were met with the recommendation that homeless people walk to the hospital to relieve themselves. Just in case you forgot, we're talking about Florida.  There was still that pesky food issue, though, and since you can't actually outlaw feeding the homeless, Fort Lauderdale came up with the clever solution of making it illegal to share food with anyone unless you provide a hand-washing station, bathrooms, and of course, a permit.  Since church groups and nice people can't afford the extra expense of renting port-a-potties every weekend, paying for permits (if you get them), and taking time to fill out excessive paperwork, this only effectively outlaws feeding the hungry. Totally humane. Oh, and the food must be less than four hours old, so don't even think about making food the night before and putting it in Tupperware, you criminal scumbag. Also, everyone who volunteers has to be certified by the state and you have to dispose of water in a special vat... even if you're on the beach.  This is drawing comparisons to pre-1988 Miami, before the infamous Pottinger case ended an official policy of beating the homeless, taking their property, and burning it in front of them. We. Are. Talking. About. Florida. The only people in this story who probably aren't Floridians are the homeless, who wandered there when they remembered the heat but forgot about the crazy.  For the record, Fort Lauderdale started seizing homeless people's property on September 24th, the day that law went into effect... the food-sharing law went into effect on Halloween, because no one gives out food on that day). This has already resulted in a woman ending up in the hospital for three days after her breathing medicine was seized by police along with the rest of her belongings. Oh yeah, they also seized the recycling bags that homeless people collect. That's right, the one public service homeless people provide... collecting all our cans for a few measly cents... and they get penalized for that, too. Oh, I just want to give a shout-out to this photo and caption from the Broward Palm Beach New Times, which deserves its own special Pulitzer...

Yes, we are talking about Florida, but Fort Lauderdale is just one of many cities nationwide currently trying to find ways to technically outlaw homelessness and live out their dreams of becoming Eric Cartman and leading all the homeless away from their towns. Because Eric Cartman is who you want your town's morals to resemble.  This story does not get any better, and quotes like "Just because of media attention we don't stop enforcing the law. We enforce the laws here in Fort Lauderdale" from the eminently punchable-looking mayor, Jack Seiler, don't make it any easier. Nor does the fact that Abbot has been serving meals on the beach for over two decades, or the fact that the requirement that outdoor food sharing be more than 500 feet away from a residential building practically necessitates doing it on the beach, where there are obviously no bathrooms or hand-washing facilities. In conclusion, Fort Lauderdale is a very nice place to retire after you're done giving a flying fudgsicle about anyone else's life.

This might be a hard one, kids. By the way, in the last entry I posted this Mindphuck...

And I said that I didn't get it myself. Well, only a handful of you did figure it out. Appanrently squares A and B are the same color. Sure they are. That's the answer though. I will never post another Mindphuck like that again. It wasn't a Mindphuck, it was Mindrape. Okay, now to talk about something serious. Jeremy Dale Phile Alum and writer and artist on the acclaimed Action Lab series "Skyward" passed away this past Monday. Here is a picture of Jeremy...

He was only thirty-four years old. and apparently his passing was sudden and unexpected. A GoFundMe page has already been created... and generated more than $5,000 in a few hours, to help his family deal with expenses. If you want to help donate go to

Another thing, Phootball Talk should be happening here but Jeff and Lori couldn't make it on the Phile this week. They should, hopefully, be back next Thursday.

Episode VII: The Force Awakens
Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens is the upcoming seventh Star Wars movie we don't really know enough about to mock right now but rest assured we'll get there.

The 29th artist to be pheatured in the Phile's Art Gallery is Andry "Shango" Rajoelina and this is one of his pieces...

Andry will be a guest on the Phile in about a week.

Today's pheatured guest is a member of he band Dinner Belles whose new CD "The River and the Willow" which is available on iTunes. Please welcome to the Phile... Terra Lightfoot.

Me: Hello, Terra, welcome to the Phile. How are you?

Terra: Great!

Me: Okay, I have to ask you about your sat name... Lightfoot. That's an Indian name, right? Are you part Indian?

Terra: Well, in Canada, being Indian means being from India. I think you might be asking about whether I'm Native or Aboriginal? I'm not.

Me: You're right. I'm an idiot. You guys are all from Canada, am I right? What part?

Terra: You're right! We're from Southern Ontario. It's very beautiful. We live near Toronto if that helps.

Me: I have interviewed so many artists from Canada over the years. So, Terra, do you know Adam Bentley from The Rest? I think everybody in Hamilton knows him. Haha.

Terra: Yes, we DO know Adam Bentley and we LOVE him. He's very quick on his feet on the basketball court as well.

Me: Did you know the other kids in Dinner Belles before hand?

Terra: I knew some of them beforehand. Mel and I shared a ride home from Montreal. Brad and I had played shows together. I can say we are all much better friends now, after being together for so long. 

Me: How did you kids all get together and form the band?

Terra: Our friend Dave Crosbie asked a bunch of his friends if they wanted to be in a band. Some got an invite to be in an Allman Brothers cover band (I was asked to play keyboards for that project). It ended up that we all enjoyed playing and singing old tunes so much that we started writing originals. Our first song was "Til the Dawn". We barely had it ready for our first show.

Me: You play guitar and banjo, am I right? How long have you been playing, Terra?

Terra: I've been playing since I was about ten or so. I wouldn't say I play banjo but I do when we play live for the shock value. Ha.

Me: Okay, so, who else is in the band? There's quite a few of you.

Terra: We've got Melanie Pothier on mandolin... a real menace with words... she and I co-wrote "Wandering Eye" together. Brad Germain is on lead vocals and electric guitar, he's a handsome vegan fellow who lives in his childhood home in east end Hamilton with his wife Jenni and two dogs. Brandon Bliss is a meandering banjo playing songsmith. He also plays organ in another band called Monster Truck. Gregory Brisco is our resident soloist and plays piano all over our area with all sorts of bands. A really great guy and he wrote "Back Home in the Valley"... the album's opener. Jonathan Cass is our drummer... he came from a punk background but still loves to play softer stuff with us. Scott Bell is the dad in the band. He and his wife Rebecca have two beautiful children who you may have seen in our videos or modelling our t-shirts.

Me: Who does the songwriting? Everyone.

Terra: We tried with this record to have different people write together. We all really love the process and working through songs together.

Me: I just listened to the new album "The River and the Willow" and really liked it. How did that song get to be the title track?

Terra: Brandon wrote the title track for the first record so it seemed like an obvious choice to use one of his new songs as the title track for this record.

Me: I am so stupid, but I thought the album was called "Southern Souls", but it isn't. What is Southern Souls? Am I the only jackass that was confused about this?

Terra: Unfortunately, you might be. But it's because you don't know about Southern Souls, and you should! It's a website run by our videographer friend Mitch Fillion. He's done work for La Blogotheque. Check him out...

Me: I watched the video of the song and it looks like it was filmed on one take, am I right? 

Terra: Oh, yes!

Me: Your last release was "West Simcoe County", first of, is that a real place? I am guessing it is.

Terra: It's a real place. Brandon's family has land there.

Me: How would you describe this album to the new one?

Terra: "West Simcoe County" was made in the infancy of the band. We were just trying to see if we could get through the recording process. During that album, we hired Brisco to play the keys in the band and now he's a full time member. With our newest release, we were more intent on making a cohesive album, a nice holistic collection of songs.

Me: I read that people from down here in Florida all the way to Nova Scotia have covered your songs. What? Is this true? That must be very rewarding, Terra.

Terra: It's super rewarding! We have lovely fans and we are always pleasantly surprised to see people covering our tunes.

Me: Ever been to Florida before?

Terra: Yep, went to Disney World with my grandma. It was really, really cool. I was seven.

Me: Your music is very country sounding, but not traditional Nashville country. Who are the bands influences and who did you listen to growing up?

Terra: All of us listen to different things. Right now, as a band, I'd say we're into Allmans, Delaney and Bonnie, Loretta Lynn, Hank Williams Sr, George Jones, Elvis... Christ... the list goes on. I'm definitely not giving you a clear picture. Ha.

Me: The album was recorded in a barn though, right? And you all lived together?

Terra: We wish we lived together in that barn... but no... and the album was done in an old coach house in Preston, Ontario.

Me: You have released your one self-titled solo album a few years ago, Terra. Do you think you will doing another solo album?

Terra: Yep! I've got one in the works that should be hitting the shelves... or Internet? in February.

Me: I found this picture of you jumping into a lake I have to ask you about.

Me: What the hell? First that water looks cold, and deep. Do you jump into lakes often?

Terra: I LOVE lake jumping!

Me: You couldn't do that in Florida... too many gators. You don't have that problem in Canada though, do you?

Terra: No gators to speak of.

Me: Okay, so, what's next for Dinner Belles?

Terra: Writing more tunes for our third album!

Me: I didn't ask you where the name of the band comes from and what it means. So, where did it come from?

Terra: Not really sure. it just stuck.

Me: I looked up Dinner Belles on Facebook and a personal chef service came up from Texas. It was these women...

Me: Haha. They look so pretty. Ha. Do you kids have a Facebook page?

Terra: Yes, we do. But I'm technologically inept and so I can't link you to it.

Me: Terra, do you cook?

Terra: Haha. Yes! love to cook. Most of us in the band like to cook I think.

Me: Okay, so, on the Phile I ask random questions thanks to Tabletopics. Ready? Is it more difficult for you to speak kindly or honestly?

Terra: Honestly.

Me: That's good. Terra, thanks so much for being on the Phile. I hope it was fun and I hope you will come back again soon. I am glad I got to interview the most attractive member of Dinner Belles as well. ; ) Go ahead and mention your website.

Terra: Thanks! 

Me: Thanks so much for being here again. Take care.

That about does it for this entry of the Phile. Thanks to Terra Lightfoot. The Phile will be back tomorrow with singer Jonathan Sprout and Monday with Phile Alum Kyle Carey. Yes, there was some changes in the days. Next week we'll settle into a normal schedule. Until then spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye.

Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker

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